All Articles Tagged "serious question"
After a week filled with rumors suggesting that her husband, Shannon Brown, had been unfaithful, Monica Brown seemed to address the speculation in a rather interesting way.
As you may recall, two women have come forward claiming to have witnessed Shannon’s alleged cheating ways. One woman provided screenshots that appear to be snatched from a direct messaging conversation that she and Shannon had on Instagram. The other woman reached out to B. Scott claiming to be engaged in a full-blown affair with the former NBA player. Apparently in response to the rumors, on Instagram, the singer shared footage of her children playing outdoors with a caption attached, which reads:
Center of My Joy ❤️ In life tests are sure to come & because of my faith & belief that God is in control I don’t run to talk about my problems because I’m too busy thanking him for the good he’s doing in my life… I’m not fake I just refuse to give the devil Glory that only God should have!! My babies got me smiling!! @chefbaul thank you for fixing dinner for my family …. Much love.
It’s not completely clear whether or not Monica was specifically addressing her husband’s alleged infidelity, but it certainly appeared that way, and fans responded accordingly.
Obviously, Monica is coping with this as best as she can. We have no idea what’s going on within her marriage, so we’re not even going to begin to speculate about that. Hopefully, they’re able to resolve whatever issues they may be experiencing, and move forward as a family. However, this situation did trigger an interesting conversation in the office among my coworkers about whether it’s necessary to address, dispel, or even acknowledge rumors that may be circulating about your relationship. Does it matter what people think is going on in your relationship?
Most of co-workers feel like it’s best to keep quiet, and handle your stuff in-house. Personally, I feel a little torn. On one hand, I really feel that it’s no one’s business what goes in my relationship. Whatever we go through, we’ll handle it behind closed doors. On the other, if people were spreading terrible rumors about my partner, rumors that I knew to be untrue, and it was within my power to clear his name, I’d feel pretty bad about sitting around and not saying anything in his defense.
What about you? Do you address rumors about your relationship? Why or why not?
Unemployment is scary. Period. Mounting bills and minimal income will have you exploring all kinds of options—ones you would have never previously considered.
Recently, a girlfriend from college, Janelle*, asked my thoughts on her going to work for her ex-boyfriend, Tyler*, who also went to college with us. Janelle and Tyler dated from freshman year to the end of junior year, which is when they decided that they were better off as friends. At the time, Tyler was still struggling to find himself and Janelle didn’t want to hold him back, so they chose to dead the relationship in order to save the friendship. There’s no bad blood between them whatsoever, and they are still friends to this day. Last fall, Janelle was laid off from her job in marketing, and she’s still looking for a new position; however, the market sucks, and she’s pretty much blown through her savings at this point. The unemployment checks are barely covering half of her expenses, and she’s really unsure of what she’s going to do. Enter Tyler.
Over the weekend, Janelle and Tyler met up for coffee, and she shared what she has been going through. Surprisingly, Tyler had a solution for her problem:
“Come and work for me,” he told her.
Back in college, Tyler was a struggling photographer. However, these days, dude is doing quite well for himself. After years of shadowing a seasoned veteran in the business, Tyler has his own lucrative photography business. He’s getting so much business; he sometimes has to turn clients away. And well, as successful as his business is, he’s been looking for an assistant to help him better manage the administrative and financial side of his company. Ironically, during our college days when Tyler was just an amateur, Janelle handled all of his administrative duties, and she really helped to keep him in line because he can be extremely unorganized. Oh yeah, I should add that he’s willing to pay her handsomely for her services.
Seems like a no-brainer, right? Well, there’s just one problem: Janelle has been in a relationship for the past nine months and her new boyfriend isn’t too pleased with the idea of her going to work for her ex. He’s also troubled by the fact that Tyler is single. In fact, Tyler hasn’t had a steady girlfriend since he and Janelle broke up in college. Janelle’s boyfriend has never been fond of her friendship with Tyler, but he tolerated it. However, he believes that going to work for him is taking things way too far.
While Janelle doesn’t want to wreck her relationship with her boyfriend, she really needs the money and with her savings account drying up the way that it is, she’ll be forced to move back in with her parents if she doesn’t find a gig soon.
I definitely understand her plight, but unless her man is about to find a way to help pay her bills until she can get back on her feet, I’m not really sure that she can afford to turn down this offer.
What would you do? Would you go work for an ex if you really needed a job?
*Names have been changed.
My mama always told me to mind my business when it comes to married folk because married folk are crazy. She advised me never to pick sides when a married couple is at odds because they will fight like cats and dogs, trash talk one another to other people and then give each other a funny look one day, kiss, have sex, make up, and then forget why the hell they were mad at each other in the first place. Meanwhile, everyone else around them is looking around and scratching their heads while wondering what the hell just happened. Apparently, mom’s little theory applies to ex-husbands and ex-wives as well.
After a tumultuous divorce, bitter child support disputes, and a painfully uncomfortable episode of “Fix My Life” where they both admitted they “don’t like” one another, RHOA star Sheree Whitfield and her ex-husband, Bob Whitfield, have made amends. In fact, the celebrity exes are actually dating again. Some fans witnessed their interesting reunion on this past season of “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” but Bob recently discussed their reconciliation with Radar Online and well, the two seem quite fond of each other these days.
According to Bob, the two reconnected last July during a birthday celebration for one of their kids, and their friendship blossomed from there.
“It started because of the birthday party,” he said. “It was kind of a festive occasion, and it was a bowling alley party. So now drinks are involved, jokes are involved, different type of mood. So then it’s like, ‘Let’s try breakfast…’ take it easy and just go little bit by little.”
Eventually, things began to heat up at bit, and the two began to casually date.
“It’s almost like you just take your time with it because we’ve been hanging around each other for a long time,” he explained. “So we know little ways about each other, so how to maneuver. It’s been pretty cool. We ain’t been playing bumper cars, smashing them up.”
He went on to say that their trip to Jamaica, which was filmed for RHOA, kind of sealed the deal for him.
“Going to Jamaica was a challenge because you know I still act a fool getting in the sunshine and the water,” Bob said. “And I got mesmerized because I haven’t seen her up close like that… I couldn’t resist but grab her booty. It was like I got a flashback and I was like, ‘You’re better than I remember.’ Oh my gosh, it’s awesome.”
Interestingly, he admits that although they’re just casually seeing each other, he’s not currently dating anyone else.
“I’ve been kind of low key,” he confessed. “It’s almost like that’s why it feels like an experiment to even me. I’m not saying I’m going to marry the girl next week. But I said, ‘Why couldn’t I build something of substance?’”
“I look at it like this, and I told her this, ‘We’ve still got those issues. S*** will flair up, but you just kind of like have to maneuver around each other,’” he continued. “It’s a delicate song and dance, so everybody takes a chance to lead.”
So yeah, they’re taking things slow, but Bob seems quite hopeful that something solid will come out of this.
“We had our differences and our problems, but I never just gave up on her,” he said. “I feel like I’ve invested a lot. We’ve invested a lot in each other, so I’m not going to just scrap my investment to her. You kept the name for a reason.”
You could have knocked me over with a feather when I heard the news because well, who really saw this coming? But perhaps this serves as a testament that the bond that’s established between husbands and wives are difficult to break—even after divorce papers are signed.
I can’t pretend that this is the first time that I’ve heard about once bitter exes reuniting after divorce. In fact, during a session of premarital counseling, my pastor warned my fiancé and I about flying off of the handle and filing for divorce because we’re hurt or angry. Apparently, he’s seen his share of couples who insisted on divorcing each other only to turn around and later remarry.
Anyway, this brings us to our Serious Question: Could you (or would you) date your ex-husband?
When Holly Robinson Peete and her husband, Rodney Peete, are looking to get a little frisky and the kids are around, they slip away and take a cruise in their “shaggin’ wagon.” According to the actress, parenthood has presented quite a few obstacles when it comes to intimacy, but a little creativity goes a long way.
“Well you see what happens after twenty years [of marriage], is the opportunities to be intimate decrease, and so as a result you have to find other creative methods to get it in, so to speak,” Holly told Oprah during an upcoming episode of “Where Are They Now?” while promoting her new reality show, “For Peete’s Sake.”
From the sounds of it, the couple stumbled across their family minivan’s dual purpose by accident; however, the “shaggin’ wagon” quickly became a part of their routine.
“One night we went on a little mini-van run, and we got a little sexy in it, and we decided that this was a nice little break away from the house.”
That’s certainly one way to keep things spicy. While I don’t currently have children, I can recall constantly breathing down my parents’ necks as a child, so I have no idea how they found time to be alone with another, which sucks. The closer I get to possibly becoming a parent, the more I feel for them. And this leads me to our serious question: Parents, where do you go to sneak intimate moments?
I live for TV One’s crime shows. For a while, I exclusively watched “Fatal Attraction,” but lately, I’ve been indulging in another series called “For My Man.” Essentially, the true crime show tells the stories of female inmates who are behind bars for crimes they committed “in the name of love.” In my opinion, many of the women are victims who were either abused by their partners or at some point during their childhoods, and their experiences caused them to fall prey to these unfortunate situations. However, there are also those who wind up in these crazy scenarios simply because they allowed falling in love with the wrong man to impair their judgment.
So many times, I find myself hollering at the screen, “What was she thinking?” But I eventually had to sit back and look in the mirror because I’ve done some pretty stupid things in the name of love as well. Thank God, it’s never been anything that had the potential to land me behind bars, but I can recall at least one instance where I believe that an ex was considering asking me to do something illegal.
During my senior year in high school, I started dating a guy from Harlem. My naïve, suburban behind was so infatuated with him that I practically hung on his every word. Sometime close to prom, he started asking me questions about which banks I had accounts with. At the time, I really didn’t understand what that was about or what he was getting at, but he eventually dropped the subject. Months later, I learned that he was into some type of fraud and one of his home girls, who allowed him to use her bank account, got busted by the cops and was brought up on charges. She took the fall, and he managed to walk away from the incident unscathed.
It didn’t really click for me at the time, but looking back, I’m so glad that nothing ever came out of those conversations we had about my banking institution. Although I like to think that I would have been smart enough to peep game and make my exit if he would’ve asked to use my account, there’s a part of me that knows there’s a slight chance I may have fallen victim to the foolishness if he insisted hard enough or pitched his story the right way. Why? Because I was young, dumb and “in love.” Thank God my guardian angels were somewhere intervening on my behalf.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one with a story, and as usual, we’d like to hear yours. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done in the name of love? Share your crazy stories in the comments below.
While some women fantasize about the day that their dream man drops down on one knee and slips their dream ring on their finger, other ladies prefer a far less traditional presentation. One of my best girlfriends once told me that she would love it if her man took a page out of the Sex and The City storyline and presented her with a nice pair of shoes, or even a shoe closet, instead of a gaudy engagement ring. Last month, a man by the name of Daniel chose to ask for his lady love Michelle’s hand in marriage by presenting her with a customized Hermés Birkin bag purchased from Baghunter, an online retail destination for pre-loved handbags.
“The idea behind the traditional proposal involving a diamond ring was to signify both love and financial security”, said Baghunter CEO, Evelyn Fox, “Diamonds were long thought of as an item that would hold its value, when in fact the value of diamonds has dramatically fallen in recent times. It is perhaps this shift in the perceived value of diamonds which has led to young men seeking new and unconventional gifts with which to propose, such as a bespoke Birkin bag”.
Last month, we published a Bughunter study, which suggested that Hermès Birkin bags were a better investment than stocks and gold. And according to a survey of Baghunter’s VIP clientele, over 70 percent of women would actually prefer a customized Birkin bag over a diamond engagement ring.
I love a good, luxury handbag; however, for a marriage proposal, I think that I’d prefer a diamond ring. But if I found myself in a position where a diamond ring was not an option and I had to pick something else, I’d probably be happy with a vintage Chanel bag.
What about you? What would you accept in place of a marriage proposal?
It’s amazing what stories and messages from our childhood stay with us. My mother was raised Seventh Day Adventist and went to school at Oakwood College, a Seventh Day Adventist school. Needless to say the professors and much of the environment was conservative. Behavior, especially the behavior of the female students, was policed.
When I was younger my mother used to tell my sister and I this story of a professor who lost her mind when a female student entered her classroom wearing tight pants without a shirt covering her bottom.
The professor shouted some type of interjection like a pained “Ooo” before running to the chalkboard. Once she got there she exclaimed “Shabby Moose” before drawing the girl’s behind on the chalkboard for all of her classmates to see.
Years after she’d graduated college, married and had children, my mother still didn’t know what Shabby Moose meant. What she did know was that that day left an indelible mark on her and she was, for many years, very subconscious about wearing tight pants without a shirt that covered her behind. And I know I adopted the mindset too.
Not so much because I feared being called out by an overzealous professor or older woman but more so because men tended to lose their minds when women wear leggings without a blousy shirt. And my behind doesn’t need any additional help in attracting attention. In an ideal world, the thoughts, stares and even comments from a few classless men wouldn’t affect my fashion choices. But in the real world, I often want to go as unnoticed and un-assaulted as possible.
I recently heard a story that seemed to affirm my decision.
My boyfriend works at a school and he said that after the snowstorm a lot of the teachers and administrators were coming in more casually dressed than usual. The principal wore leggings without a big enough shirt. And one of the male teachers saw her. And instead of keeping the sight to himself or God forbid, looking away, he went running into my boyfriend’s classroom to not only tell him about what he’d just witnessed but to encourage him to “Hurry and check it out for himself.”
It’s a shame people don’t know how to tuck their incessant sexual urges in.
It would be nice if women could be covered and comfortable without having to worry that her body will be oogled by a man who can’t seem to control himself, even at work.
I anxiously await the day when men learn to grow up.
But until that day comes, some of us have chosen to take extra precautions while others of us are just doing our thing, not concerned about these immature men. Which type of woman are you?
I’ve dreamed of becoming a mother for as long as I can remember. Since childhood, I’ve known that I desired to become a mom and wife someday. However, it wasn’t until my 25th birthday several months ago that I realized how truly terrified I am by the thought of being someone’s mother. I can’t really put my finger on what changed. Perhaps, in the past, I was just too young and dumb to be afraid. But the closer I get to this dream becoming a reality, the realer it gets and the more nervous I get. I tend to think about it the most while I’m preparing dinner in the evenings after work or rushing out of the house like a crazy person in the mornings.
“How would I fit a baby into this schedule?” I’ll ask myself.
While I’m sure the answer is that I’ll make time, this doesn’t stop this heavy question from constantly hanging over my head. And then, there’s the dependency thing. My mom is my everything and the thought of anyone depending on me as much as I depend on her—even as an adult—can be very overwhelming at times. It’s such a huge commitment. I don’t know how she does it now, and I definitely don’t know how she did it when my brother and I were small. Like many of the other moms I know, she makes it look so easy.
Another primary concern is whether or not I’ll be terrible at it. I tend to encounter these thoughts the most when I’m procrastinating on doing things I know that I should be doing like washing the dog or occasionally forgetting to fill her water bowl. I once went as far as to ask my boyfriend at the time if he thought I would be as lazy or forgetful when my children get here. Will I screw up my kids? Having one child of his own already, he laughed at my question and told me that it doesn’t work like that. Other parents also seem to have similar reactions to questions like these. Clearly, they all know something that clueless, childless folks like myself don’t.
Don’t get me wrong; I’d still love to become a parent someday. Thankfully, I have some time to sort out these thoughts and feelings. Anyone else feeling intimidated by parenthood?
One of the biggest tasks faced by newlyweds is successfully merging finances. Figuring out how to go from allocating your funds as a single woman to sharing accounts and having to make joint financial decisions with another person can be challenging. However, some couples choose to forgo the merging and continue to keep their money separate. For example, Marian Schembari, who recently wrote about her experience with keeping her funds completely separate from her husband’s and why this works for them in an essay for Good Housekeeping. The couple has been married a year and have chosen not to mix their money at all. They split every bill down the middle and couldn’t imagine living any other way.
Elliot and I have been married for just over a year now, and together for almost three. During that time, we made the deliberate choice to keep our finances 100% separate. We don’t have a joint bank account, and every expense is split 50-50. Time to stock up at Trader Joe’s? We either ask the cashier to split the bill, or one of us will pay and the other will Venmo their half. Half of rent, furniture, utilities, and vet bills constantly whizz back and forth, with a tidy spreadsheet to manage outstanding bills.
As for savings, both Marian and Elliot put the same amount of money away, but they refuse to “police each other” regarding who saves what and when. And when they chose to blow their savings accounts on separate trips last year, neither questioned the other’s decision. Apparently, this lifestyle choice was one Marian chose to adopt after witnessing her parents constantly discussing money during her childhood.
As a kid, I watched my dad ask my mom how much she spent each day, jotting down the particulars in his little yellow reporter’s notebook: $3 for coffee, $15.95 at Barnes & Noble.
I never heard my parents fight about money, but they sure talked about it a lot. To my young ears, whenever they went over the daily spending, it felt like he was more her dad than mine. Growing up, I heard again and again that money was the number one reason couples fight. So when I got married, sharing money just didn’t make sense. Why would I want my husband to question why I bought those $200 shoes? Why would I want him — love of my life that he is — to be able to spend the money I worked hard for? Or vice versa?
Taking her experiences into consideration, it makes sense why Marian would want to keep money separate and while it’s not the most traditional approach, we can definitely see how splitting everything down the middle could reduce conflict in relationships. At the same time, it seems that this approach could also make everyday tasks—like paying a light bill, for example—quite complex.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you keep your money separate from your spouse’s or did you merge your finances once you tied the knot?
Phaedra Parks appeared on Sunday night’s episode of “Watch What Happens Live” alongside Patti LaBelle. During the show, a fan asked the soon-to-be divorced mother of two whether or not she plans to begin dating again in the near future. The “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star’s answer was simple: yes, but only after the divorce is final.
“Um, when I get divorced,” Parks, whose divorce is “in process,” said before flashing her wedding ring. “I’m still married.”
LaBelle and Parks’ mother, Pastor Regina Bell, who also appeared on the episode, applauded the reality star for that decision. The matriarchs in my family would certainly echo this sentiment if they were in on the conversation. They maintain a pretty solid stance when it comes dating married folk—even if those married folk are in the process of getting divorced.
“No matter how you slice it up, it’s adultery in the eyes of God,” is what they would say if they were a part of that discussion.
Being young and having zero relationship experience and minimal life experience of my own, I didn’t bother establishing my own opinions on the topic. I adopted the stance of my relatives, which seemingly stems from the Bible, without ever really putting much thought into it. But after spending a hot two minutes in the real world, my feelings began to sway, slightly. I got to know a beautiful couple; they’ve been in a loving and happy relationship for about ten years. Both are close to 50 years of age and the man is still married to a woman he tied the knot with in his 20s. His explanation for still being married: his estranged wife won’t grant him a divorce. She lives on the other side of the country, and they split long before he met his current partner, whom he wishes to marry but can’t until things are settled with his ex. I couldn’t imagine anyone looking down on them because of their situation. But perhaps it’s because I know and love them.
While I could certainly see how getting romantically involved with a person while you’re still technically married to someone else could get pretty messy, is it old-fashioned to expect people to wait until the state recognizes that their marriage is over before they try dating again?
Noirettes, please weigh in.