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Most people will tell you that taking a break is just the first step to an inevitable breakup, kind of like how a separation always leads to a divorce. Unfortunately, those people are usually right. If you and your guy are struggling at a fundamental level—perhaps having communication or trust issues—those issues will still be there waiting for you when you return. The only time a break can be beneficial is when one person is struggling with something large on a personal level, that he or she needs time alone to process, handle or just get through. And if that is the case for your break, here’s how to get the most out of it.

Source: Wetv.com

Man. For the life of me, I cannot put my finger on the nature of Trina and Gabe’s relationship. One minute they seem like they’re really good friends and might be able to make things work; then the next, oral transactions are being exchanged, tracking devices are being installed on phones and separation papers are being drawn up.

So just to be sure we’re all on the same page, as of now Trina and Gabe are officially…legally(?) separated.

Now, according to TMZ, Trina is asking that a judge require Gabe to pay her an “unspecified amount of money.”  This raises a few questions.

1.) Isn’t alimony for people who are already divorced?

2.) Is Gabe really making that much more money than her that she would need to dig in his pockets?

3.) Money for what? For doing everything short of having full on intercourse with other women?

I’m just very confused. And as if the money request weren’t enough to make you tilt your head sideways, Trina says that there are no plans for the two to divorce and she’s hoping they’ll be able to work it out.

Umm Trina, baby how are you going to work on a marriage when you’re taking your husband to court, trying to get paid? Something ain’t right.

And on another note, has anyone else noticed that the Braxton sisters are seemingly content to be separated forever instead of just getting a divorce? Toni has been separated from her husband for years, Towanda was discussing the option when she and Andre were having their problems and now Trina. Now, I believe in the sanctity of marriage too; but what’s the point of remaining in a marriage you have no intention of working on it as you opt to live the single life, going on dates and what not. It seems like too many balls to juggle…pun intended.

What do you think, is Trina entitled from some money from Gabe, or should she be focusing her energies elsewhere?

olivecoco.com

The rumors had been swirling for months and now it’s official: Tracee Ellis-Ross will not return to BET’s “Reed Between the Lines.”

In a very brief statement released on Friday, Tracee stated that “Reed” is a show that she cares about and believes in and there’s a chance she might return at some point.  Loretta Jones, president of BET’s originally programming and news, sung her praises, wished her the best and said she hopes they can work with her again in the future.  Tracee signed on a few months ago for an NBC pilot but the show didn’t get picked up.

The statement was released almost immediately after it was announced that  Tony Rock, Michole White and Charlie Robinson would be joining the cast as Alex Reed’s (played by Malcolm-Jamal Warner) friends when season two starts. The storyline will pick up with Alex in the midst of an unexpected separation from Carla (Tracee’s now former character) and finds himself as a single father to three children.

This news is a little unfortunate to hear because ‘Reed’ showed really great promise within its first season. During promotion of the show, the focus was always on how it was to be a modern day version of “The Cosby Show” and show that there are Black family units out there who love each other and love spending time together.  Although the divorce rate in America steadily climbs, this is television and it is okay to keep a family together.  The entire purpose of the show has sort of been defeated.

I have to wonder why Ellis Ross’ role wasn’t just recast? The show is still very young and I’m sure there are plenty of actresses out there who would be quite an easy fit.  I can think of at least five women right now who could at least try out for the role.  I wonder if executive producers Mara Brock-Akil and Salim Akil have even considered this.

There are also questions of how they’ll explain how “Carla” left her children behind with Alex when he’s not the biological father of two of them. How that will work out is a mystery to me because it is pretty unrealistic.

So many questions, so many months to wait to get answers (the show isn’t due to come back until July 2013).  I guess we’ll have to just see how it all unfolds.

Source: YourTango.com

From YourTango.com

By Crystal Andrus

Is your marriage on the rocks? Are you fairly sure that if you wait it out, your husband is bound to leave? Do you feel like there isn’t any hope left to try and save it? If so, it can be tough to decide what to do.

In this video, relationship coach and YourTango Expert Crystal Andrus explains what to do if you’re ever in this very sticky situation. “You always have to be able to make choices,” says Crystal. “It sounds almost like you’re feeling like a victim and you’re waiting for your husband or someone to come along and save you. And, maybe it’s the worse thing you’ll ever here, but it’s also the best thing you’ll ever hear: no one is coming to save you.”

Want to learn more? Check out the video at YourTango.com. 

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Source: ibtimes.com

The devil is always in the details. It’s especially true if you’re technically married but dating. You can get labeled a homewrecking sinner because those papers just haven’t been processed. Too many are in such a rush to move on to the next one when they don’t need to be.

Couples stand before God and pledge their love until death do them part. Or until they can no longer stand the sight of the other which is becoming the norm. However, it’s not just a covenant with God which has been broken. You might give your spouse the pink slip but in the eyes of the law, you’re still married until a judge decrees otherwise. So should you hit the clubs and mix and mingle for a new mate before then?

Divorces are often a lengthy process and many people begin dating before officially putting their previous relationships to rest.  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the latest high profile example of this practice. She is still legally wed to NBA player Kris Humphries, but that hasn’t stopped her from flaunting her romance du jour for the paps. Jennifer Lopez is also reveling in her status as a cougar with Casper Smart despite her marital status with Marc Anthony. And how many folks have given women like Alicia Keys and Gabrielle Union crap for getting involved with men who were separated or getting divorced (without placing blame on the man)? Hollywood is glamorizing moving on to the next one at breakneck speed, but starting something new while the “something old” hangs over one’s head is asking for more drama than a Tyler Perry movie.

The only constant in life is change. All too often, feelings change. When they do, many yield to the temptation to act on impulse. Some think that they have more breathing room if so and so is legally separated.  Granted, there is a marked difference between stepping out with a significant other who is still wearing a ring and one who has taken it off. But at the end of the day, married is still married. It’s not over until the ink is dry.

For those who insist there are infinite shades of gray in a sensitive matter such as this, that argument cuts both ways. No relationship is strictly black and white. Love and hate can co-exist between two people. You can read someone to filth in the morning and enjoy the best make-up sex in the p.m. hours. There are so many couples who have filed for divorce only to change their minds and reconcile soon after. Everybody plays the fool but one can avoid being one by avoiding placing yourself in a dynamic that hasn’t been settled.

There is nothing wrong with being single and dating. The trouble exists when you’re dating and the one who still has the title is still in the picture. A relationship is hard enough with two people. Unless of course everyone involved co-signs on threesomes, but that is a discussion for another time.

Ultimately, dating should be like the ideal shopping experience. Layaway has its uses but it’s always been better to buy what you want outright. If it’s not on the market, there’s always another item that is.

Stephanie Guerilus is a journalist and author. Follow her @qsteph

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Source: people.com

While Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have been separated for about nine months, Anthony just decided to file for divorce last Monday. Word on the street is, he was hoping that the renaissance woman would want to reconcile, but she passed because she’s in love–with someone else.

You’ve guessed it, she’s allegedly head over heels in love with her young new boo, and background dancer, Casper Smart. Though both Anthony and Lopez thought they were being cute flaunting their new relationships around, including Anthony with a young woman named Shannon De Lima in photos he posted on Facebook, he must have not been as serious with her as he led folks to believe. According to TMZ, Anthony tried to have a serious sit-down with Lopez a few weeks back to see if there was a possibility they could work things out, but she allegedly let him know that she’s in love with Smart and that she wants to see where that relationship can and will go. Marc was allegedly upset at the fact that Lopez was trying to make more of this new relationship rather than working on their issues. He assumed that she and Smart were just a temporary rebound, but it looks like he was wrong.

Lopez has really been open with the public when it comes to her boo-ship with Smart. I mean, homeboy has been getting the chance to help direct her recent videos, he’s been seen jet-setting everywhere with her, dancing with her on TV, canoodling with her in music videos, etc. (It’s like another Bennifer all over again.) I can believe that she’s sprung, but she needs to be careful. She didn’t allow herself any real time to just be alone post-separation and now all eyes are on her and her new man. Yeah, I know the saying: love is blind. But Jennifer, there’s also a better saying: “Don’t be no fool.” The whole dating while separated thing…I just don’t get it, but to each their own.

Do you think they should work things out? Or do you think Jennifer is happy and her relationship with Casper will last?

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By all accounts, break ups aren’t usually easy.  There are times when you know you’ve been working to save the relationship but it isn’t happening so you all sit down and agree that the “love thang” should come to an end.  But breakups seldom go well so we’ve compiled a list of some of the worst and quite frankly, some of the most outlandish, ways of being broken up with.  It is just my opinion that if you were broken up with by your significant other (maybe you were a non-married couple or you were married) in any of these ways or WORSE, they never cared about you from the start. They were probably always a loser and you just didn’t want to see it!

Read the rest of this entry »

I could go on for days with marriage and divorce statistics, but I’d probably be repeating a lot of information that you have already heard a thousand times like “50% of all marriages end in divorce.”  What that popular statistic should emphasize  is the word “all” since there are some differences in the likelihood of a marriage’s success rate based on whether it is a first, second or even third marriage. Note: first marriages have the greatest success rate.

Nonetheless, the truth is that the older you are when you are single and dating, the more likely it will be that you will date a man who is either divorced or separated. As many of us know, both situations can bring a unique set of challenges.

Separation is a period of time when someone is not quite single but not exactly living as a married couple.  Most states recognize legal separations in which the courts detail the rights and responsibilities of each partner living separately, without officially terminating the marriage.  Even if a couple is convinced that a marriage is over, some states such as North Carolina and New York require a one-year legal and physical separation before a divorce is granted.  With that said, “separation” means a lot of different things to different people.  It can be a loose term thrown around when someone decides to take a break from marital responsibilities and challenges, but not the fringe benefits (aka sex); it can be interim break taken by two people who agree they aren’t the best fit for one another, or it can be a period of time when a couple commits to working on their issues while taking time apart.  Dating a separated man can be a tough situation at best, and it can be a plain old predicament if you add children into the mix.

When you’re dating someone who’s separated, you’re dating someone who is still legally married which may not be a big deal to you on day one, especially if his wife lives in a different time zone.  But dating a man who’s separated is every bit of the gamble it sounds.  I, personally, am not the betting type.  For others, cupid’s big shiny arrow knows no mark and you could find yourself not only falling in love, but falling into a big legal black hole.  Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself before investing your time, emotions and money:

NFL Hall of Famer Deion Sanders has put an end to all of the rumors alleging that he has filed for divorce from his wife Pilar Sanders. He told TMZ while they’ve talked about splitting up, he’s NEVER filed legal papers.

Sanders says that he and Pilar are currently still together — but in the process of figuring out “what’s best for our future, our lives, and our kids.” As for why the marriage is rocky … Deion explained, “Its not one isolated incident,” adding, “Sometimes you just grow apart.”
Read more here…

Jennifer Lopez and her mother Guadalupe Lopez

According to the folks over at Us Weekly, sources are saying that weeks before Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony officially broke things off, Jen’s mother, Guadalupe, sought out Ben Affleck for advice on what Jennifer should do about her failing marriage.

Crazy right!? Guadalupe was always a big fan of Affleck after Jen and Ben were the “it-couple” for nearly two years. Guadalupe trusted him and thought he could provide some helpful advice on what her daughter should do. Allegedly, Ben replied back wishing the actress/singer well and offered what little encouragement and input he could. What that “input” was, well, that wasn’t said. But we can only imagine…

Word out there is that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony’s relationship was full of control and jealousy issues, including allegations of an affair in 2009 on Anthony’s part, but I don’t know if taking advice from an ex is the way to go. Even if you weren’t the one who directly did it…

What do you guys think? Should her mom have reached out to Ben for marital advice for her daughter? Do you think Jen took his advice to heart?