All Articles Tagged "self-help"
If someone were to ask you who you are and what defines, how would you answer? Do you have a set of ideas and principles in mind that dictate how you conduct yourself? This is not a random question Oprah would ask, but rather a way to define your personal brand.
A personal brand is more than what you put on a resume or Linkedin profile. It’s a way of life, tailored focus you create in order to achieve goals. It doesn’t matter whether you are a business owner, employee at a company, or still in school. Your personal brand is what defines you and once you fully grasp your brand identity – life will start to have more of a purpose. Things will become a little more clear regarding life choices and even business decisions. It’s a discovery of aspiration and the start of a necessary foundation to become the best version of you.
So again – what is your personal brand? Not sure? That’s okay. Here are ten ways to define your values, strengths, and attributes.
If you have the media tell it, being a single woman on the planet is one of the worst things you can be and if you hurl the black factor into the equation, you may as well buy your single burial plot now because we’re single FOREVER (side eye). Television shows, movies, articles on how to snag a man are always within eyeshot anywhere and everywhere we are. But I have to tell you ladies, I’ve seen the lonely land, I lived in it for three years, don’t believe the non- hype!
The other day my boyfriend and I were very upset with one another. We bickered, the bickering turned into shouting and the shouting found me contemplating if this relationship is for me. We resolved the issue, made up and in the aftermath of the “fight” the one thing I was most proud of was the fact that I held my ground. I was right and that’s not a shallow assessment of the situation, I was. I was right and I was willing to walk away from this relationship had he not apologized. What he’d done wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if we’d been in a relationship a few years ago, back then I was ready to ride or die for my guy. I’m a different woman now, I want a different kind of relationship and this thing he’d done could now very well be a deal breaker. My standards have changed (for the better) all because I weathered the single storm that wasn’t a storm at all.
I never minded being single for an extended period of time (three years). When my last relationship ended, I needed a break from the whole sordid fairytale of being part of a couple. I thrived in my newfound freedom and hence the prolonged singleness. I vacationed with friends, I went out every night all night, I thrived in work, I bought my own place, I meditated, I worked out, and I laughed hard. And I’ll admit, there were lonesome nights too but more than any of those things I did, I got to know and love myself. You can roll your eyes; say what I’m writing is cliché but is it? If the cliché is that single women have fun why is it I can’t find one fun single woman in the media that’s truly enjoying it? And the real single women in my life many times ignore the blessing and instead continuously complain about the disparity of single life.
If you’re a single woman why don’t you buy or believe that you will find someone (because you will) but in the meantime focus on you, get to know you, date and meet men you would never consider and those you would. Be single so that when you are in relationship, you don’t take any BS because you’ll know that being single is not the nightmare everyone wants you to believe it is. I’m not saying you have to force yourself to be alone but why rush into being in a relationship? Maybe a break, no matter how short or long is the universe giving you some time to work on you, get to know you, have fun with you. If you do single right; it may help you set some awesome new standards for yourself, standards you can live by!
More on Madame Noire!
- Where Are They Now? Our Favorite Good and Bad Guys From “The Wire”
- Is This Real Love? How To Avoid Getting Into a Relationship That Does Not Exist
- Oh You’re a Freak, Huh? Good and Bad Ways to Surprise Him in Bed
- TLC Was Wrong, You Could Use a Good Scrub: 5 Must Have Scrubs & Exfoliants for Summer
- “The Decision,” Fake Marriages & Crispy Chicken: 9 Moments Celebs Can’t Seem to Live Down
- “Ho*s Be Winning!” 8 People Who Became Overnight Celebrities For Being Scandalous
- Peaches & Green: The Business Ventures & Side Hustles of the Real Housewives of Atlanta
According to Shadow and Act, author, Yoruba princess and spiritual life coach Iyanla Vanzant will be getting her own show courtesy of her old employer turned ex-employer turned employer again, Oprah Winfrey.
The show will be a self-help oriented program reportedly titled, “Iyanla Fix My Life,” and while there is no official airdate, it is said to have been in development for a while now. Of course, this show will mark, in a very big way, not only a return to television for Iyanla, who previously had the Barbara Walters produced Iyanla show and was a featured life coach on the short lived but popular Starting Over reality show, but also will solidify that Winfrey and Vanzant are indeed BFFs again.
I think most folks saw this coming. After her much publicized grovel fest on the last season the Oprah Show last year and her most recent appearance on a recent episode of Oprah’s Life Classes, we knew then that it was only a matter of time. Likewise, it’s clear that this is an equally beneficial relationship. Winfrey gets a nice boost in ratings among the black woman crowd and Vanzant gets a second chances at the career she squandered away.
If Oprah was the queen of daytime talk, then Iyanla was going to be the mistress. She was on the fast track, along with other Oprah regulars like Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, to pump a whole bunch of Love Yourself/Save Yourself/Take Responsibility for You television, which Oprah was working to build a brand upon. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon for Winfrey to take a back seat to her own show and turn the stage over to Vanzant, who would lecture a room full of women about the virtues of letting go of anger and overcoming adversity. At the height of her success, she made over $3 million dollars, a large part of it as a result of the platform she was given on the Oprah Winfrey show.
Last night, I re-watched the now infamous Winfrey/Vanzant reconciliation show again. Oprah said that she invited Vanzant on to explain why their relationship went south. According to Vanzant, things fell apart when she received an offer from Barbara Walters for the creation of the show. Although she had been a regular guest on the Oprah show for over a year and had commitments for a development deal with Harpo Production in the future, Vanzant said that she wasn’t sure where she stood with the Queen of Talk. So she held a meeting with Oprah and staff, and said something to the likes that someone big had offered her a show. When Winfrey told Vanzant that they were not ready at the time to produce a show, Vanzant said that she had fasted and prayed over the decision and that God told her “this is the anointed time not the appointed time. ” Who knew that God sounded a lot like Jesse Jackson?
Anyway, Winfrey told her during the show that she assumed Vanzant had made her decision to go with the unnamed “something big” to develop her show and the next day, sent her a letter wishing her well with her future ventures. Because in the words of Winfrey, “If you don’t want me, you’re free to go.”
Now this could be chalked up to a miscommunication however you have to wonder why Vanzant never called her back to explain where the lines of communication (particularly defining what anointed/appointed time meant) got crossed. Instead she went on her way with her $1 million dollar deal with Walters, who eventually tanked her career. In fact, during the show, she never really owned up to how her own ego got into the way of having a successful career. I was waiting for her just to say, “Look Oprah, I gambled. I wanted my own show and was a bit big headed, but I misjudged in thinking that giving you an ultimatum was the way to get that. And because of it, I lost. Foolish me.” In her own much given advice: own it and move on. Instead, I watched an hour of Vanzant fast-talking in circles, denying cupability and levying accusations like, “I thought you just wanted the work, I didn’t think you wanted me.”
When we watched Iyanla Vanzant and Oprah reconcile on television last year we figured it was only a matter of time before O put Iyanla on. Well now the time has come.
Iyanla is getting much more than an appearance on Oprah’s “Life Class,” the author and spiritual life coach has landed her own self-help show on the network. The project has reportedly been in development for some time, but Iyanla just now released a statement on Facebook to express her appreciation for the opportunity to make the program, “Iyana Fix My Life,” a reality.
“..After much prayer and conscious consideration I am choosing to move forward with this project as my next step in service to the world. I am so humbled and grateful to have this opportunity to do what I love; on a network that gives me the freedom to be myself; working with people who value what I bring to the table; offering to the people I love (that would be you) a consistent dose of something I believe will facilitate and support the personal growth and spiritual evolution of individuals, families and communities. Enjoy as I share this part of the journey with you. I invite you to join me on OWN when the show airs later this year. We’ll let you know as soon as we have an idea of when that will be! Love, Iyanla”
There’s one more point for OWN’s diversity scorecard. Check out the sneak peak of Iyanla’s preparation for her pilot on her Facebook Page. Will you watch her new show?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
More on Madame Noire!
- Is It Okay to NOT Shampoo Your Hair? And 6 Foods That Make Great Conditioners
- Run That Back!:10 Albums That Shaped Me
- Let it Go, Let it Flow: 7 People You Should Pick Your Battles With
- Love & Life Lessons I Learned From “Love & Basketball”
- 6 Ratchet Behaviors Ig’nant People Should Give Up for Lent
- Sweet or Needy: Which Are You?
- Missing Teen Featured on ‘The View’ Found Hours After Broadcast
- Show Off Your Shape! Style Tips To Flatter Your Body
by Marissa Ellis
We often hear about how men love the chase. That theory comes up whenever one tries to explain why a certain male suitor loses interest after a woman gives up the goods after a first date or why when a woman makes the first move, it kind of backfires (in the end).
But this whole coveting what you can’t have is not just a male phenemonen, it’s one experienced by the ladies as well. Unfortunately, when women have that issue, the backlash is felt much more deeply. Since it’s more acceptable for men to pursue and go to great legnths to win the object of their desires, they’re not seen in a negative light for pursuing. But, they do suffer when they get what they want and still want what they can’t have. Which means they’re on to the next.
I myself have this problem. It’s agonizing actually. To want someone just because you can’t have him. What it means in my life is that I’m never satisfied with a relationship and when I’m out of a relationship, I’m stuck with experiencing crush after crush after crush. After many years of going through this, I know how dysfunctional and damaging this tendency of mine is. It was proven recently when I went out with a guy whom I had an intense crush on. Usually, I’ll keep my distance from crushes so as to maintain that feeling of yearning. This time, I guess the feelings were mutual. We went out a few times and wouldn’t you know it, I fast became disinterested. So where does that leave me? Searching for the new object of my desires and back into this cycle of agony and yearning to no end.
I’ve tried to explore what it is that makes me so dysfunctional when it comes to relationships. From reading online about this particular problem, I did discover that I do have some sort of commitment issue. Duh. But why? I’m not sure. My parents, although not in the greatest of relationships, have been married for over 25 years. No commitment-phobes in my household.
What I do know is that I have the same problem many people have when it comes to unhappiness. And that is that I tend to compare myself to people I don’t know or to out-of-reach celebrities. I don’t compare myself to the actual couples I know but to the best couples I’ve ever met. What I’m doing now is trying to remain concious of the fact that my way of thinking is not conducive to my overall mental health. It’s a day by day process but hopefully, soon enough, I’ll break this cycle.
Have you dealt with a similar problem? How have you coped?
More on Madame Noire!
- Shopping With the Enemy: 7 Signs You Might Have a “Frenemy” in Your Circle
- How To Cope With The Agony of Unrequited Love
- Boy, Bye!: 6 Stupid Reasons to Turn a Man Down
- 7 Things That Should Never Happen In The Bedroom
- Scent From the Heart: 10 Fragrances Perfect for Valentine’s Day
- Ish is Getting Real: Gonorrhea’s Becoming Untreatable
- Hair Q&A: Front Edges and Dry Scalp
- Don’t Get It Twisted: Mo and Kita Say Terrell Owens Betrayed Them
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Even though many miss the fact that Oprah is not on the air, doling out spiritual lessons on happiness, goal-setting and passion, there are still a myriad of sources out there to keep us on track. Having The Alchemist, The Power of Now and any book by the Dalai Lama certainly helps; the internet provides an endless supply of inspiration from life coaches and therapists, and of course, there is the Sunday service. In the days since “self help” and positive psychology exploded onto popular culture, we have definitely not been lacking for guidance. The challenge is to remind ourselves of the most important tenets day to day. Here are just a handful of the most important beliefs, lessons and tenets about happiness that have re-emerged during this “self-help” age.
by Alexander Cain
How To Win Friends and Influence People is considered the father of all people-skills books and is a classic in the self-help genre. Despite being written more than over 50 years ago, the lessons imparted in the book are still relevant today. Whether you are looking to leave a great impression at a networking event or looking to leave people with a better impression, How to Win Friends and Influence People has lessons that will help to make you the life of the party, the person who just seems to know everyone, or being better at getting people to work in the way you envision.
The book is broken down into three parts with underlying principals to practice everyday until it becomes a habit. Keep in mind that self-improvement is a lifelong process and with these principals in mind, one can become an effective leader or communicator.
Part 1 lists six simple ways to get people to like you. While these principals derive from common sense, they are definitely something to keep in mind next time you are engaged in a conversation with someone new.
1) Become genuinely interested in other people. This seems very easy, but people can sometimes struggle in paying attention to the other person when engaged in the conversation. For example, during an interview, have you ever been so focused on preparing your next question that you completely blank out during the current conversation? The key is being genuinely interested and really getting to know someone.
2) Smile ☺- A smile is always welcoming and it not only affects the mood of everyone around you, but you will see your attitude will change.
3) Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Always try to remember people’s name even if you need to carry a small notebook and write down their names when you are by yourself. You can also use word association to help you remember names.
(The Grio) — With an economy only encouraging to the makers of Rosetta Stone, a trite media narrative spelling doom for single black women over the age of 30 and three days, along with a host of other worldly problems it’s not surprising to see many people looking for tips on how to better themselves and their situations. Of all the ways to do so, book publishers have arguably found the best way to capitalize on it monetarily by way of the celebrity self-help book. Books from the likes of comedian Steve Harvey and actor Hill Harper have gone on to sell millions of copies and have since spawned new titles from stars such as Janet Jackson, Tyrese Gibson, and Lil’ Wayne’s ex-wife, Antonio Carter. While these books may prove themselves to be easy bestsellers, one wonders what exactly qualifies these celebrities to brand themselves as self-help gurus.
The book Think and Grow Rich is a classic amongst entrepreneurs, economists and even some spiritual advisers. Before self-help books took over the market, there was this one. Published in 1937 by Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich is one of the original texts in motivational “how-to” books and was based on Hill’s studies of the wealthy and powerful people in his circle at the time, which included Andrew Carnegie.
The following 13 tenets is an overview of the steps that define how to think and grow rich.
Desire is a powerful force. Not only do you have to have the desire to achieve or attain something, but you should also have a plan by which to work towards your desired outcome. The strength of your desire will manifest itself in the time and attention you give to nurturing that desire.
Faith, in this sense, has to do with optimistic thinking and believing in oneself. This is very much in tune with the law of attraction; if you think good things, good things will happen, therefore, if you think positively about your goals, your goals will be met.
If you keep repeating your goals and plans for success, it will come true. You have to imprint these goals and thoughts in your mind.
”Knowledge will not attract money, unless it is organized, and intelligently directed, through practical plans of action, to the definite end of accumulation of money.”
Acquiring knowledge, either through the traditional route of formal schooling or from other informal means, is key to making it happen. The more you know, the more you will propel your idea but your education does need to align with your stated goals. After all, how else can you master your craft.
A few weeks ago, many reggae fans took a moment of silence as ‘Night Nurse’ legend, Gregory Isaacs passed away. His voice was one of the regulars heard throughout my childhood. Like any West Indian bunch, my family loves to sit back and play good music from the islands. And while I grew up surrounded by music about harmony and peace, being care-free is one thing I don’t do well.