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We all have things we want to do, and people we’d like to become, which is reason enough to pursue our endeavors. It’s good to keep a focus as life can kick us down, causing a lot of self-doubt. Will my dreams ever become a reality? Do I have what it takes to make this happen?

While there is never certainty, there is hope in planning. Here are ten inspirational books to keep you focused and guide you on your journey.

Unfortunately, most people don’t enjoy ripping the wrapping paper off of good intentions.  The holidays are just around the corner and you may find yourself scrambling through the sparse store shelves looking for that gift that doesn’t exist.  If you’re like me, you’ve saved the most difficult people on your list for last and you are now completely panicked and at a loss.  But before you pick up that President Obama Chia pet or the leopard print Snuggie, you may want to save your money for a gift that doesn’t seem…well, so desperate.  Here are seven gifts that aren’t worth the holiday hassle–for you or the prospective recipient:

1.  Gifts That Benefit the House

My mother had a rule in her house that you don’t purchase household appliances as gifts, because they aren’t gifts for people, they are gifts for the house.  Unless it’s a housewarming, or someone specifically asks for a George Foreman grill, save your change.  Everyone has different tastes about what they prefer to display in their home, and chances are, your guess will be way off. The last thing you want to see is your gift sitting in a cupboard collecting dust.

I know as women we love to give advice and share our opinions amongst each other. This is how we bond, connect and build sisterhood. But we must be careful to not confuse someone’s opinion with our truth. Everyone operates differently and nobody is one in the same, so be cautious when taking advice, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

It’s easy to receive counsel from your friends instead of asking yourself those hard but truthful questions about the state of your relationship or situation. We seek validation when we aren’t confident in our decision making or ourselves. Never second guess yourself or undervalue your own feelings. If you know deep in your heart that you love your man despite his flaws, then so be it. If you want to take him back after he messed up, that is your prerogative. Or if you want to leave him, and find your happiness again, don’t wait for permission. Your friends may call you a fool (and they may or may not be right) but regardless, if that is what you want to do, then go ahead. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. You are the only one who can satisfy your needs.

We are all on a different timeline on this journey called life. Our experiences are uniquely made for us. They will teach us important lessons that will apply to our next chapter in life. So don’t block your blessings by walking in someone else’s shoes. It’s okay to share your experiences and situations with close friends to vent and get things off your chest. But don’t rely on others to be your problem solvers or the captain of your ship. Because woman to woman, at the end of the day you just have to do what works for you.

Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

Life is full of lessons and learning’s. We all make mistakes and bad choices at times; some mistakes are bigger than others but nonetheless the lessons from them are still valuable. Lessons are also essential to our growth and maturity, but many of us are not learning them the way we should because we’re so busy playing victim and blaming somebody else for the wrongdoing.

Taking responsibility for your actions is an understatement. We all claim to be grown folks and all, but when it comes down to owning up to our part in a mistake all of a sudden our fingers get pointed in another direction. Trust me I know how difficult it is to admit when you are wrong- I personally hate it, but to be fair we have to woman up and own our faults when necessary. More so, because that’s where the lesson lives!  Say you messed up big time and fell for the wrong guy that you thought was so right for you.  You wasted time and energy on someone who ultimately turned out not for you. Now your heart is broken, you’re a tad bit bitter and you feel like crap. Instead of blaming him for the entire downfall of the relationship, look with in and see what part you played. Ask yourself those hard questions that you know you know the answers to but just never wanted to admit or acknowledge; such as “Why did I really ignore all those red flags in the beginning of the relationship?” It’s so easy to place the responsibility on somebody else, but please believe when you do this you’re missing your blessing – the lesson.

Even if you weren’t at fault, there is always a lesson in any failing or mistake. You just have to seek it out. The funny thing about lessons is if you don’t learn them you lose them. When this happens it’s likely to repeat the same problematic behavior all over again which in turn causes you more grief. So since some of us need to experience the mistake more than once before we ultimately learn the lesson, I will continue to ask you woman to woman – have you learned your lesson?

Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

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Hill Harper loves to write. In addition to his books, Letters to a Young BrotherandThe Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, the CSI:New York actor has penned another book about debt entitled The Wealth Cure: Putting Money in Its Place. The book offers advice about how to discern smart spending from dumb spending. Dumb spending involves buying big ticket items that will depreciate over time. Smart spending includes education and things that can generate joy and inspriation. Like many finance experts say, experiences count for much more than material items when it comes to increasing one’s happiness.