All Articles Tagged "secrets"
Have you ever been on a first or second date with someone and felt like you know their entire life story, good, bad, and indifferent? On the flip side of things, have you ever found out something about a person after the fourth or fifth date and felt slighted that they hadn’t told you sooner? First dates can be somewhat of an awkward experience. You are spending time with a person for the first time, usually in an intimate setting. This is a really perfect time to get to know your new prospective love interest, as well as the time to allow them to get to know you. You want this person to get to know you for who you are, yet you don’t wanna give up too much, too soon. But where is the first date rule book? Who’s to say how much too much is? Here are some things you may or may not want to disclose during the first dates (or second if you’re feeling extra scary), but probably should.
When starting a brand new relationship, it’s understandable to be cautious when divulging personal information. After all, you don’t want to tell someone you just met how many sexual partners you’ve had on your first date, and anyone who wants to know EVERYTHING about you before dessert is a bit creepy. It can be overwhelming, and if you have issues with “your business,” you may not want to share EVERYTHING.
But as a relationship progresses, getting close to your partner should foster a deeper level of intimacy where sharing information becomes easier. However, for some, being completely open and honest about all aspects of their lives is a scary thought – or simply unheard of – because they feel that their business is simply that…their business. We can all expect that there will be some level of secrecy in any relationship, but some go from being mysterious to downright manipulative – which is where the relationship can run into trouble. While you may be afraid that “oversharing” will either scare your partner away or cripple the relationship, the key to any union is communication and honesty; whether you have just started dating, or are in a full-blown, long-term relationship. While your man may not need to know that you secretly watch trashy reality shows, there are major things you should never keep from a significant other – here are 5.
By. JohnGray, PhD
What’s worse than getting caught up in your own personal drama? Getting caught up in somebody else’s personal drama.
So, what would you do if a close confidante confided in you that she was cheating on her husband? As her friend, you might feel obliged to keep it a secret. After all, she implicitly asked you not to tell a soul. Eventually, however, you might be overcome by guilt and wonder whether you should tell her spouse about her infidelity.
See what Dr. Gray has to say about this situation on YourTango.com.
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I truly empathize with the plight of the “crazy” woman. You know the Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction type of women. (I still haven’t seen that movie by the way.) I empathize with these types because while their actions are inexcusable, morally unsound and often illegal, it’s not hard for me to see how they could get there. By now you’re probably thinking, “Yup, she’s one of those crazies.” But I’m not. 1.Because I believe it’s best not to fight for a man who clearly doesn’t want me and 2.Because I’ve never been in a situation where my expectations for a person were so lofty that when they failed to reach them I lost my sanity. But again, I can see how women get there. I know women who’ve gotten there. Truth is, many of us women-folk can be so wrapped up in our emotions we honestly lose sight of our logic. And we don’t have to be crazy in the Fatal Attraction sense to experience this. Don’t believe me? Check out these typical behaviors and thoughts women share that men might deem a little… off.
This is the moment some of you have been waiting for! When it comes to black movies, Love Jones is probably in everybody’s top five. To this day, fifteen years after the film’s initial release, people still talk about Darius Lovehall and Nina Mosley like they were real people instead of fictional characters. We own the DVD, know the lyrics to every song on the soundtrack and truth be told some of us are still out here looking for a Darius and Nina kind of love. You know the movie and the effect it had on you but do you know these behind the scenes facts?
It Didn’t Make Much Money in the Theaters but the Critics Loved it about as much as We Did
Even though the film only grossed $12 million at the box office, the incredible story, slamming soundtrack–which earned the 16th spot on the Billboard top 200–and positive critical reception made it a classic. The people as well as the critics loved it. Roger Ebert, who gave the film 3 out of 4 stars, was particularly impressed with the acting: “It’s hard to believe that Tate–so smooth, literate and attractive here–played the savage killer O-Dog in Menace II Society. Nia Long was Brandi, one of the girl friends, in Boyz N the Hood. Love Jones extends their range, to put it mildly.”
Another critic, James Berardinelli, noted that the dialogue is what set this film apart from the rest. “And Love Jones’s dialogue is rarely trite. When the characters open their mouths, it usually is because they have something intelligent to say, not because they’re trying to fill up dead air with meaningless words.”
The truth is people lie. While most of us tell little white lies, there are people in this world who specialize in lying about any and everything. Really, some of them are more than liars, they’re con-artists. We took to our Facebook and Twitter pages to find out some of the lies our followers have heard during their dating journeys. Turns out some of these men they dated, were hiding some pretty big, unacceptable secrets. Check it out.
Anonymous: The man I was dating for 4 years, got his ex-girlfriend pregnant flew down to Vegas and married her at the Bellagio and I found out almost a year later from a private investigator.
Sharon: Not sure yet???But I got that gut feelin’
If Twitter doesn’t bring the absolute worst out of people, I don’t know what does. Seriously, I’m all about saying what’s on your mind in under 140 characters, but when you’re writing paragraphs worth of your family drama and secrets on there, it’s time you step away from the computer.
Today’s hot mess Twitter award goes to Deiondra Sanders, the 19-year-old daughter of Deion Sanders. After stories, including our own, went out about Pilar claiming she was blindsided by Deion filing divorce papers and found out through TMZ, Deiondra, the eldest daughter from Deion’s first marriage, decided she wanted to clear the air about her father’s relationship. She let it be known via Twitter that Pilar, mother of three of Deion’s children, was a horrible wife to her father, and was more focused on having extramarital affairs and being a reality TV star. Her rant about Pilar not knowing her marriage was over went something like this:
“#HowYouDidntKnow but yo boxes have been packed for weeks now.”
“HowYoTopPriorityBeen yo marriage and yo kids when u flying out to see other N***as … yeah we know.”
“my sister turned 8 December 14th i COULDN’T even take her spa day for her birthday she told me “my mommy wont allow me to go wit u” ON BIBLE
“All u had to do was be a supportive wife. Only thing u ever cared about doing with my dad is reality shows.”
“WHELP being that your “3rd” catch is over! now u can go back to “catch 1″ Johnny Mitchell or “catch 2″ Wesley Snipes…..yeah we know”
“Pilar stop tryna play the victim. Maybe if u would of actually loved my dad and not loved the life he gave you we would be here today.”
If you have a close, communicative, tell-each-other-everything relationship with your mom, that’s great (and rare). But, like it or not, your mom does come from a different generation. She may have been a teenager when the condom was just being popularized. She may have come from a generation in which women never asked the man out. She may have been a virgin until she was married. Even if she was none of these extremes, there are certain things that always worry a mom when she hears them about her daughter. So don’t tell her about any of these:
So it turns out that my girlfriend and my mother have segued off into a “relationship” of their own.
Seems every time I turn around, I’m hearing, “Oh, I was talking to your mother this afternoon about so-and-so,” or “I had a nice conversation with your girlfriend about such-and-such.” Every time I hear either of them say something like this, I experience conflicting emotions of appreciation and wariness.
I’ve always wanted my partner to get along with my mother, which is really an extension of wanting a partner like my mother (a success on my end: smart, small-framed with a hair-trigger temper), so I get a kick out of the fact that my lady gels with my mother in a way no girlfriend from my past even came close to.
On the other side of the spectrum, I wonder what either of them knows about me – or each other – that I’m not already aware of. Call me selfish, but that’s my mother and my partner, and it would piss me off to Hades if I knew either of them betrayed my trust to the other. I don’t really keep secrets from my lady, but there are things she knows about me that I don’t necessarily want my mama knowing, even though I’m pretty damn close to my mama.
Whenever I start thinking deeply about it, I always conclude that their relationship is tenuous by nature: there’s no way they can expect to really have this bond everlasting for a couple reasons. First, my mother’s loyalty will always be with me, no matter what happens. I could hang my girlfriend by her big toes and dangle her over a lake of fire just for breathing, and she would have my back at the end of the day; my mother could never justify keeping a relationship with her going if I insisted she didn’t. On that note, my lady would not reveal more to my mother than I want her to. She can’t get away with telling my mother things that she would share with her own best friend: telling her all the private s*** that I would rather she not know.
So then, why are they even being bothered with this half-baked friendship? Well, I do think there are many positives to it all…namely that they both have my best interests at heart. So I guess the two women whom I care most about in the world teaming up can’t be a terrible thing. It’s more endearing than anything, so I’ll always welcome it. But cautiously.
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When you first start dating someone, isn’t it interesting how perfect they seem? That’s probably because they are working hard to make a good impression. Let a few months go by, and we all know that who you’re really dating is going to shine through. All the bad habits, the emotional side, the jealousy issues, can rear their ugly head. And what’s the saying? When someone shows you who they are, believe them? Do it. And while there are certain things you can move past that may come to light, there are some other humps that you might not be able to get over. So here are a few scenarios that I’ve seen and heard have happened to people that I thought I’d pose as questions to you. If you’ve been dating a guy for just a few months, could you continue to date them if they did the following…?