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From YourTango

Conflict. Strife. Tension. In love, most individuals want to avoid all the negative feelings associated with disagreements and all out arguments.

When tension arises, are you the person who’s quick to apologize, wanting to sweep everything under the rug so the tension goes away? Or, are you the one who tends to hold that hurt for a while, allowing the offensive words to gain a life of their own?

Most of us identify with one approach or the other when arguments happen in love. However, neither response leads to a true reconciliation that enhances the relationship, leading to a better understanding of each other.

The good news is there a method to apologizing that will not only allow your words to be heard, but also lead to emotional healing. The key is to learn how to ask for forgiveness that conveys the apology in the right way so your words are heard by your significant other.

Asking for forgiveness is a lifestyle choice because a sincere apology carries with it the motivation to turn from the former way which caused the conflict and go in another direction. The trust in your relationship grows when you demonstrate change in your actions and behaviors.

As a relationship coach, I have advised individuals to remember that an overreaction to a comment or situation signals something beneath the surface. What happened in the current moment was the trigger to the reaction. You just put your finger on a hot emotional button.

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RaisingHomemakers.com

I hate when I have a taste for something, only to discover that someone else had the same idea and left none to spare.  This particular Saturday it was a box of Frosted Mini Wheats that my boyfriend decided would make great dinner all week long.  My teased tongue was soon lashing all kinds of insults, many which had nothing to do with breakfast cereal and soon he was digging up every flaw he could find about me to throw in his defense.  I lie to you not; we were cursing each other out over cereal.  It may start with a slick comment, sharp sarcasm or blatant disrespect and before you know it you’re in the midst of a knockdown drag out verbal beat down that leaves both you and your partner furious and full of pride and in opposite corners of the ring licking your wounds and coddling your bruised egos.  Sooner or later that pride can make your relationship feel like a prison while you both play the waiting game to see who will make amends first, because of course that means that person was wrong, the one who is weaker or both.

Sorry isn’t for “suckas” and of course an apology doesn’t make you a loser in the game of love, nor does it mean you are entirely at fault, but it is a first step towards making things right. In fact, I’m willing to bet that the best relationships involve a whole lot of practice apologizing.   Unfortunately when the art of apology is abused, it can become like band-aid on a broken bone: a mockery of a huge problem.  The following tips may make that pride a little sweeter to swallow and help you rectify the situation the right way: