Dear Guy, who decided that admiring my necklace from a far wasn’t sufficient enough therefore just had to get a closer look by reaching out and grabbing the charm on my chain and opps…brushing up against my boob (s) in the process,

You ain’t slick.

You see I have been hip to the game for a while. And you may think you are distracting me with questions, like, “what kind of stone is this?” or “do you know what these symbols mean?” but that has never been sufficient cover for the fact that your hand not only brushed against my right boob but is still lingering mere inches away from the left one. Trust me I notice.  Believe me, I noticed. And I am tad bit annoyed by it.

Listen, I know how hard it is navigating around my double Ds. I don’t care if I have a tight turtle neck, a well fitted button down or a loose sweatshirt, they still manage to be the center of attention. Even at times when I don’t want them to be like at a job interview a few years back, when the buttons on my top gave way, exposing my zebra print push-up to a very bashful human resource manager. I’m surprised I didn’t get the job because, not to toot my own horn, but my breast are pretty nice.

And I try to be tolerant when I catch your eyes wondering below my moving lips to the chest region. I saw and ignored you when you did the side glance down my v-neck. They are big and distracting. Heck sometimes when I’m looking in mirror, I too get overwhelmed at how wonderful my breasts are. But when you cross over that threshold from sneaking peeks to actually making physical contact with the wonder twins, by way of the ole “lemme see your chain” routine, we got a problem.

Yeah I know, it was an accident and you didn’t mean it. You were truly interested in “seeing” the charm on my necklace. And this is as awkward for you as it is for me. But you know what would have totally prevented this awkwardness between us from happening? If you would consider asking permission first before reaching out and touching me, especially anywhere near my chest area.  If asking permission is too much for you to handle, well then for now on I will be sure to assume you meant to violate my personal space, take offense and call you out on your slickster, pervy ways.

Sincerely,

I see you.

I love to dance, I’m sure it’s good for the soul. So you would think that I’m always up in somebody’s club trying to shake something. Not so. I might venture out there every once in a while; but the dark underworld that is an American nightclub can often be a scary, borderline dangerous place to be. We here at Madame Noire were wondering if some of our Facebook followers had experienced some of this same type of foolishness we had. So we just asked. Check out some of the more outrageous answers we got from this question.

Slanderous Stacey: I was dancing by myself and a guy that was already dancing with a girl came to dance w/ me so she punched me in the face

Sweetheart/Misfit: some guy telling me stop acting like a white girl, mind you he was being like a stalker and too touchy feely like he knew me

T.:  I saw a man with all white tuxedo w/matching gators, and I was offended, lol.

Teresa: This one older man promised to buy me a house if I danced w/ him. But I declined lol

Paige: A dude slid me his number without my permission & then asks me not to say anything bc his girl is across the room…#canusaylame

Malika: I didnt eat b4 i went out, took a sip of baileys irish cream and henny mixed, swallowed and turned to the dance floor only to throw up on a girl that was dancing with a guy i used to date!!!!!!!!!

Rhonda: True story. Somebody bumped into me at a club in Las Vegas, I felt something wet hit my shoes. Thought someone spilled their drink on my feet, I looked down, some chick is squatting and urinating on the club floor. Should’ve kicked her in the face but I was already PO’d.

Jakozy: No lie.. this Guy seriously touched my vajay, I think I almost ended his life tho… disrespectful heathen.

Te’Michelle: This fool CAME ON HIMSELF while we were dancing!
Pants was all hot and sticky, I hollered, “WTF?!?!”