All Articles Tagged "romance"
It seems that we hear about the start of new relationships every day. But more often than not, we hear about many of them falling apart a couple of months, weeks and sometimes even just days later. Keeping any relationship together can be a challenge, but it’s an even greater challenge for new relationships because in most cases, a solid foundation hasn’t been established yet. Unfortunately, without that foundation, many couples find it difficult to make their love last and easy to chuck the deuces. Here’s a list of common reasons why new relationships fail.
When you’re single and dissatisfied with love, ladies, do yourselves a favor: don’t log onto Facebook. It’s the absolute worst thing you could do.
Think about it: In your newsfeed, you face an endless stream of happy couples in love. And when you’re recovering from a devastating breakup, the last thing you want is to be bombarded with smiling couples making kissy faces, gushing statuses about date nights and baby’s firsts and wedding planning. This is the kind of cheery optimism that makes you stop and quietly wonder to yourself, “Geez, am I behind everyone else?”
When I was in college, it seemed like everyone I knew was getting “OMG #engaged!!!” Cue the countdown apps to “the big day” and rants about the typography on the invitations not being perfectly right, gushing about picking out bridesmaid dresses, and Instagram photos with the caption “Should I pick Badgley Mishka or Jimmy Choo for my bridal shoes? Help me pick, girls! :)”. Ughhh.
But even more unbearable and unavoidable is an oversharer’s worst weapon — tagging. I knew one lucky bride-to-be who tagged every invited wedding guest whenever an announcement was made about her upcoming nuptials. (Needless to say, I defriended her faster than you can say “I do”.)
Zoe Strimpel would agree. She’s the author of Man Diet: One Woman’s Quest to End BadRomance and recently spoke out against Facebook at a lecture. “What [Facebook] does is it enhances the sense that your life is lacking,” she said to The Daily Mail, ”and specifically, when you are single, you focus in on all those pictures of perfect weddings, perfect babies, perfect couples.”
This isn’t exactly a revolutionary concept. It’s the ultimate and oft-written about ironic twist to Facebook: our online social networks disconnect us from our in-person social networks. And what we see online is not always reality.
Read more at YourTango.com
Over the summer, BFFs and The Best Man Holiday co-stars Regina Hall and Sanaa Lathan laughed it up being among of a cast of fine, married men.
“You know what’s weird? All the men in the movie are married and we are single, so we are all kissing their men and they are fine. You meet their wives and you are like ‘Hey!!’ Sanaa said.”
“I’m going to kiss your husband today!” Regina added.
During a recent interview with Wendy Williams, Regina went on to joke about her married co-stars.
“Unfortunately, they all were happy on-set. All the men, all the married men were all happy. I mean, listen, there are a lot of good looking men. Morris is walking around, happily married with his shirt off!”
Of course, this only led to a conversation about her own love life, during which the 42-year-old beauty revealed that she’s seeing someone.
“Well, I’m not married, but there’s someone I like.”
She went on to discuss being in the dating pool while in her forties.
“You know what it is, I’m optimistic. It takes a lot to find the right guy. You happened to find it early. Your husband is a sweetie pie,” Regina said.
As for how a man can woo her, Regina confessed that she’s a sucker for the perfect gentleman.
“I like men who are gentlemen. So like if we’re going to go out—I remember the first guy who did it—and he opened my car door. It made me feel like a girl. I felt like a girl. I felt like a lady. It’s such a simple thing.”
She adds that a great smile and a pair of strong shoulders can earn a man a few points in her book.
“I like a nice smile. And what I like in the smile—it’s the tiniest, tiniest little overbite. I know it sounds strange. Not a buck. I like shoulders. That line… that line.”
Watch Regina’s interview on the next page.
Bryce “The Blueprint” Westbrook is one of The Game’s premiere bachelors– and he’s quite the ladies’ man. But if you ask the man behind the character, actor Jay Ellis, he’ll tell you that he’s actually the polar opposite of the character he portrays on the popular BET drama.
“No, I’m not a player at all. I’m definitely a one-woman man for sure. My parents have been together for 32 years, so to me, love is a very special thing,” he recently shared with NecoleBitchie.
He adds that he believes love is something to be cherished.
“It’s a gift. It’s what life is for. It’s what it’s made of… to share with somebody for the rest of your life. I’m looking forward to that.”
As for the qualities that he looks for in a potential partner, he says that a love for children is very important.
“Ambitious. S*xy. Can cook. Confidence. Communication. A woman who wants to be a mother, ’cause I want kids. I love kids so I want kids. I don’t want ‘em that soon or a bunch of them or nothing like that, but I want kids. Education.”
He goes on to say that although the aforementioned qualities are important, so is a sincere and undeniable connection.
“There’s so many things, but at the same time a spark is a spark. Love is love. When you find it, you gotta run with it.”
Oh, and if you’re wondering what he’s been up to, it looks like he’s been quite busy.
“Everything! Well you know, I’m acting. I’m producing, I’m working on two films right now, writing some stuff. And there’s some other philanthropic things. I’m going to Africa, which I’ve been talking about forever. I’m going to Africa to dig wells with a charity called Epic. Working with another non-profit called Miracles For Kids in Los Angeles. Just trying to give back as much as I possibly can,” he said.
That man is fine!
Turn the page for footage from his interview.
You and your boyfriend suffer the couple’s “crosstown/cross-borough hustle,” which demands an annoying commuting time, just so you two can see one another for a short meal, or a long embrace. That slight complication is in addition to the fact that you both hate your living situations.
So you think, and your boyfriend asks, “Should we move in together?” And you think, and your boyfriend wonders, should the answer be yes?
When I was asked, the immediate answer was an unintelligible string of words that, when put together, questioned if we were “ready.” And, while rattling on about “readiness,” I asked if moving in together was our “next step,” or just an act of convenience. Then, I ranted on, in tentativeness, about how I was fine with convenience, and then suggested that we would simply be roommates who dated. I did this despite frequently entertaining…no, vividly romanticizing the idea that we’d live together as a growing couple. And, his response to my machine gun replies was confusion, a nod, and a statement along the lines of, “It was just an idea.”
Yes, it was an idea, and to immediately dissect an idea like that rips away the romance. But to understand the details of why you’re cohabitng, and to figure out if it’s an appropriate time in your relationship for you to live together, is totally rational. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend going about it like I did, but a conversation should be had.
To begin, you have to learn if your partner is financially reliable, and you have to make sure that your finances are in order as well. Figure out who will handle bill payment, if one person will, or decide how payments will be divided. There’s nothing s*xy about talking about bills, but the only thing that is less s*xy is eviction.
Second, you and your partner have to identify your pet peeves and habits, and communicate them, and then decide if you two vibe well enough to live with those behaviors at this moment. If you can’t, you’ll spend a lot of time arguing or leaving passive aggressive notes.
Also decide if moving in together is a step toward a more serious relationship. As a couple, figure out what that means for you to make that move together. Does cohabiting mean that you’re simply growing your intimacy, strengthening you commitment, or setting a trail toward marriage? Or, perhaps the arrangement is much simpler than that. The reasoning can change during the discussion or while living together, but it’s good to recognize initial expectations.
And, speaking of expectation, discern who will handle which chores (cooking, cleaning and trash), and how often that’s expected to happen. Cooking every night is exhausting–especially if you work, so if it isn’t your thing, voice that early on. There’s nothing wrong with setting limits on chores or tasks. Also, concerning expectations, be vocal and honest about how much time you think you’ll spend in and out of the home. For most, part of the expectation when moving in with a significant other is to spend more time together, but if you have a lot of obligations and commitments that will keep you out of the home, then you need to communicate that.
Also privately or collaboratively consider discussing an exit strategy, just in cases things were to go south. Moving in together can be romantic, but it’s no reason not to be practical.
To live a year free of “romantic pursuit.” That is my goal. Most of the single men I know scoffed with disapproval when they got wind of my decision, even after I explained my reasoning. Honestly, I could not see what the big deal was. I wasn’t dating any of those particular guys anyway.
I’m no man-hater. I’m far from depressed or bitter. I’m not even looking to promote some self-sufficient pseudo-feminist agenda.
I just want to explore me.
I have always thought of myself but behaved in terms of other people. As a child I tailored my behavior to please relatives; everything was done to avoid “getting in trouble.” I stifled the better part of my creativity and swallowed my dreams because they were “silly.” By my teenage years I was behaving to be acceptable to family AND to gain the attention of the boys around the way. When I entered college, I was behaving in such a way to assert my status as a well put together young woman who was going to change the world AND was trying to land a man. I loved the idea of a relationship and felt overwhelmingly inadequate when my girlfriends would swoon about this date and that boyfriend, these flowers and that romantic getaway. Internalize all of that emotional chaos from childhood through college and you’ve got a tangled, emotional mess. I spent a lot of time trying to make myself visually appealing to men. I thought if someone would JUST want to pursue a committed relationship with me, I’d be less of a mess. I’d be…worthy.
In all of that posturing, though, I took a step back and came to terms with the fact that I had failed myself miserably. I failed to really take the time, and the leap of faith to explore who I am, what I like, what I dislike on my own terms and not me + someone else. I had for so long been weighed down with others people’s opinions and ideologies that I had no real ideas, ideologies or comforts of my own. I wore weaves because he said he loved the look on me. I killed my feet in stilettos because those are se*y, right? I was a little less outspoken because he wasn’t really into deep conversation. I choked back any talk of my faith because he hated it.
I had been chipping away at myself and there was little to nothing left. Just leftover scraps that I was trying to plate into a meal for myself. I was starving.
How silly is that? How unfortunate is that?
My ‘Aha!’ moment solidified that I needed a break from the love chase and the “cutie runs.” I wanted to live free of wanting (or needing – depending on my mood) someone to text before bed or craving one person’s affection in particular. What would my life look like if, for a period of time, I distanced myself from seeking a romantic relationship, and just focused on myself? How might my world change if I embarked on a real journey of self-discovery? If I took myself on dates? If I thought of myself on my own terms? If I spoke as loudly and often as I wanted? If I pursued dreams that no one else backed? If I dressed for ME and not to catch someone’s eye?
For one year I’m giving up the boos, the “hims,” the flirty texts, the friend/lovers. Instead, I’ll be re-centering my focus on the project of getting reacquainted with myself on my own terms with nary a man-chasing moment to distract me.
La Truly’s writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check her out on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.
It appears that an increasing number of celebs are getting sick of nosy folks like us being all up in their wedding plans, as more and more of them are passing on highly publicized engagements and star-studded wedding ceremonies in exchange for quiet engagements and top secret nuptials. Back in July we were shocked to learn that actress Kerry Washington had secretly gotten married to her long-time boo—whom no one knew about— Nnamdi Asomugha. Now, it appears that fellow actress Zoe Saldana has followed suit.
Back in May we told you that the Star Trek Into Darkness actress found love in the arms of a very attractive Italian artist by the name of Marco Perego. It appears that their hot and heavy romance is still going strong as recent reports speculate that the two secretly eloped over the weekend. Now this of course is pure speculation, but according to The YBF, the lovely couple was spotted in London over the weekend and strangely, it was pretty obvious that they were both attempting to hide their left hands. The paps being the paps, however, found a way to snap photos their hands anyway. While Marco rocked appears to be a simple gold wedding band, Zoe’s left finger bore a huge diamond ring.
Now we’re no rocket scientists or anything, but the signs are certainly pointing to a secret marriage or a secret engagement at the very least.
Check out the photos here. Thoughts?
I cleaned out my phone contacts over the weekend. Used-to-bes. Delete. Randomly-text-me-outta-nowhere-dudes. Delete. The guys who dropped off the edge of the planet, the low-level crushes and that one doofus who was hollering at me when he was engaged—and had the nerve to have a pic of himself proposing to his fiancee on the Facebook page I evidently didn’t check soon enough—delete, delete, delete, all gone in a few brisk screen swipes. Most of them shoulda been gone, especially that last one.
It was an unorchestrated show of finality and it gave me a sense of renewal and accomplishment, like scrubbing your closet for the first time since the 90s and trashing stuff you wouldn’t be willing to wear to a skunk farm, much less out on the streets. If it doesn’t fit, doesn’t compliment you or doesn’t make you feel good and comfortable, I don’t see much reason to hold on to it. That now goes for clothing and men.
In stark contrast to the advisement of many relationship gurus—the ones who write books and sell out workshops and the ones who sit on folding chairs in front of the barber shop—I’ve nudged my standards up. If he texts like the wind but either can’t or won’t have a good phone conversation, he’s ushered into the friend zone. If he cancels plans often and he’s not 1) an ER doctor or 2) a Secret Service agent, he’s toast. And if we ultimately can’t pray together, we can’t be together.
Some suggest single gals of a certain age make a few compromises, bend a little here and there, but I always have. I’ve been an infamous patron of male potential. Barring deadbeat daddies, foamy-mouthed crazies and notorious playboys, I’ve given brothers a shot.
But Last Boyfriend spoiled me in certain ways and I decided that the takeaway from that relationship—because there’s something good in every one, even if they fail—would be the way he went above and beyond to treat me like a queen. That means different things to different women, but for me it was little kind gestures like opening my car door. Nobody had ever done it before him and I had never thought to even want it. With the pull of that handle, homeboy had upped the ante and his gentlemanliness brought to mind my granddaddy ditty bopping all the way around his big ol’ denim blue Monte Carlo to help my Nana out of the passenger seat. It’s a nicety, so I test to see if a man is going to do it on his own. So far, not so good…
Read more at Essence.com
Here are some rules about being romantic and looking after a relationship with a romantic man. You may find this funny that a man is telling a woman how to be romantic. But in today’s Twitter/Facebook obsessed society, everybody seems to be attached to their iPhone 24/7 and that includes you ladies.
I’ve actually found as a man, that women suck at being romantic. Oh yeah, I’m using the word suck here because I’ve seen so many women who have no idea how to respond to a man’s romantic intent.
Case in point:
A member of my team met a woman. They went out on three dates. He did everything you women want. He followed up the date with a text. He asked her out at the end of the first date. He met her at a place that he knew she would like. He did exactly the things women want a guy to do after a date.
So he’s a romantic guy, (and you ladies always ask “how do I meet a romantic man?”) so what does he decide to do next? He sends her flowers. This woman is like a lot of women, maybe even like you, career-obsessed.
So, he sends her flowers. They arrive at 4:00pm because 1-800-Flowers tell you exactly when the flowers are delivered. It’s great. They get delivered almost immediately.
He doesn’t hear from her at all. He doesn’t hear from her until 7:30 that night. She’s on her way home on her car phone because he can hear the whoosh noise going through the car. She thanked him immensely and said “everybody in the office was so amazed. They all loved the flowers, they’re so beautiful.” And that was it!
So what did she do wrong? She called after 3 hours, isn’t that OK?
No it’s not! You want to know how to meet and keep a romantic man? No matter what you’re doing at that moment you get those flowers, if you want that man to continue to be romantic, you drop everything and you ring or text him immediately!
This woman runs her own business. She’s the boss, and she doesn’t have to answer to anyone. She could have picked the phone up right away if she’d wanted to. You don’t make someone wait for a call after they’ve made a beautiful romantic gesture.
It’s amazing how many women wait hours, days, to thank a guy for something because they’re busy.
Remember when interracial relationships were taboo? Now Meagan Good is booed up with Will Ferrell and the president is booed up with a black woman. Hollywood has come a long way. And these characters helped pave the way. Let’s take a look at some of the on-screen interracial relationships that we remember most — and some that slipped under our radar.