All Articles Tagged "romance"
By One Happy Brother
I don’t want you to know my name. Let me tell you why.
I am dating a woman that does not believe in Valentine’s Day as a celebration, a holiday or any other sort of special day. I have found the proverbial unicorn of ladies and I am not about to reveal my identity so that folks can interfere. Men are going to try to take my lady. And women are going to try to disrupt my joy for fear that this incredible, rare creature could spread this to others.
We are the “others.” I am chillin’ like a super villain as my married and committed brethren are running around looking for cheap roses, candy and other faux romantic items. Some guys resort to deplorable moves like creating a disastrous argument as a temporary act of sabotage to kill their own relationship weeks before Valentine’s Day. Shame on them. Some guys cannot take the pressure. They walk around upset that this is the only way their lady will respect them. Money. Chocolate. Breakfast in bed. A toe rub or something.
Me? I don’t have to worry about any of that. First of all, Valentine’s Day really is a fake holiday. It is a wholly created product of capitalism. People spend billions and billions in chocolate alone. (Experts believe consumers will clear $20 billion on Valentine’s Day this year, a record year in spending.) You know and I know we all are broke in varying degrees. It is just an excuse to buy freakin’ expensive Hallmark cards and fraudulently luxury dinner at Red Lobster. Don’t even get me started on the kids. We teach them that you have to spend money in order to show how much you love another person. Bah!
At the core, my mate rejects Valentine’s Day, because she asserts you should show love every day. I agree! You should give loved ones gifts ongoing out of love, not because some man-made, marketing ploy from back in the day. I agree! Also, she maintains affections should not be commodified. I agree! She feels it should not be stressful. Yep, I agree. And lastly, the feminist in her feels the holiday centers on what the man can do/give/buy/offer women in exchange for something that resembles love. I couldn’t agree more.
I admit, I have had fun days with Valentine’s Day, but I was about that life before I met my partner.
In my relationships, I regularly bring her flowers. I write little letters. I cuddle. I certainly could do better in the “Hi honey, I’m home” department, but we all fall short of the glory in some way or another. The real issue with Valentine’s Day is just about everything about it is FAKE, even the historical origins. I show love to my kids every day. Real love. I don’t want them to think that Valentine’s Day represents true adoration. Most times these dudes are out here showing love to get into a women’s panties, not because they love them. Women want real love, but will settle for the fantasy for a day. Women will do whatever they must to be attached to anything, anybody on this day. Just so they aren’t bitter and alone. Guys haul ass to avoid the harrowing experience. Society sucks. Lets move on.
Make “Valentine’s Day” every day. Just leave the over-priced cards, sugar products and false love in the retail store of your choice.
With the temperatures beginning to dip and snowy days in sight, hitting the town for a fun date night is becoming less and less appealing. But winter doesn’t mean that your social life has to take a hit. Whether opting for a fun night out or snuggling by a warm fire, there are a number of great winter date ideas. Let MadameNoire take you through some of our favorites.
A babymoon is an absolute must for parents to be. Once your little bundle comes you won’t have any adult time especially in the first six months. You will be focused on the safety, nutrition, health and overall love you are giving your new baby. A babymoon allows you to have a time out and spend much needed quality time with your partner. But deciding what type of babymoon to choose can be challenging. Here are some of the best babymoon ideas for a romantic getaway.
A beach getaway is a great idea for a babymoon. It can be a relaxing and soothing environment. The vitamin D you both will soak in will help you feel rejuvenated but remember to stay hydrated and carry lots of bottled water with you. Plus, the water can be great to take some of the heavy feeling away and can help temporarily relieve any aches and pains when you are in your third trimester. You and your partner can have lunch on the beach or maybe even a romantic night out on the town walking along the boardwalk.
A NATURE BABYMOON
Many times pregnancy tends to trigger a deeper connection or wanting one, with life and nature so a babymoon that keeps you connected to nature is always a healthy choice. You can keep it local and simple while you and your partner take part in slow nature walks or swimming but if you are itching to get out of town and your funds will allow then why not a cozy mountain resort. The two of you can snuggle and remind each other of the reasons why you love one another and reminisce on what brought you two together in the first place.
A SPA BABYMOON
There is nothing better than getting pampered and relaxing all day. You can keep it local or plan a spa vacation out of town. Many spas offer couples packages that include facials, massages, mud baths and a host of other relaxing items. Make sure that when you set up the appointment they know exactly how many weeks you are because they may have some treatments that they don’t recommend in the third trimester. Also double check with your doc first about what you are setting up. As an added bonus treat yourself to a manicure, and pedicure too.
A CITY ADVENTURE BABYMOON
Do you and your hubby have a big city you love but you’ve never been to? Well, take this time to plan a trip to this much-awaited destination. You can sight see, visit museums and galleries and go to a romantic dinner. Not to mention all of the fun shopping you can do as you collect souvenirs and throw in some mommy fashion and beauty goodies too if you want.
OUT THE COUNTRY BABYMOON
As long as your doc approves there is no reason why you can’t skip out the country with your boo for a few days. But make sure you are following airlinee policy because some airlines have restrictions on when you can travel in the third trimester. Plus, who knows the next time you will be able to travel abroad now that you’ll be a new parent so live it up in a safe and fun way while you still can.
As single women, we’re constantly being smothered by a new expert, coach, resource or rule that promises to help us get a man. We don’t know whether to be assertive and make the first move, sit back and let him hunt us, make him wait 90 days or be free and give it up whenever we want. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all of the rules we’re supposed to follow, what we should and shouldn’t talk about on the first date, who should pay, what to expect from him and every other detail that is being dictated by dating experts. From conversations with authors, experts, matchmakers, wives and men I’ve discovered one thing- there are no rules. There is no magic formula to make your man appear.
In life and love, we have to be open minded enough to allow new experiences, people and opportunities to connect with us. When we’re trying so hard to “do” all the right things, we don’t give ourselves a chance to enjoy the experience and let things happen naturally. I absolutely believe that love is out there for everyone who wants it, but we have to be ready to receive.
So, while I don’t believe in dating rules, I do believe there are things you can do to prepare for the love you deserve:
Rule #1 Check your friend zone
I heard a quote once that said, “If you’re wondering where your man is, check your friend zone.” The truth is, men who are great friends will often be good mates. Don’t get me wrong, the term friend is one of the most overused words in our language. We often call people our friend who don’t deserve the title. So, when I say friend I am talking about the men you can call when you’re in need. The ones who will come change your light bulb, knock down the bees nest or change your tire when you’re in need. Not the “friends with benefits” friend.
A man who shows you that he cares for your well-being is a man that deserves a chance.
Rule #2 Evaluate your values
What really matters? Sometimes we’re spending our time praying and preparing for something that we may already have but haven’t been able to recognize. You can’t claim to want a good man who treats you right, but you won’t date anyone unless they are your “type”? Your actions must match your intentions, so focus on core values, beliefs and the lifestyle you want to live.
Rule #3 Love who loves you
Over are the days where we run behind had boys because we love the thrill! Grow up. When it comes to deciding whether a man has husband potential, we have to focus on the what he treats us versus the things he tells us. Once you’ve experienced heartache, you’ll understand the difference between someone saying they care and someone telling you they care. The first question you should ask yourself is “How does he treat me?”
Rule #4 Focus on what feels good
Social media has created a false reality for common folk. We spend our days comparing and contrasting our lives with the luxurious lifestyles of celebrities and reality stars. Instead of focusing on what looks good, focus on what feels good. Love who loves you, not just who looks good to you.
Rule #5 You have to accept something from someone
Nobody is perfect! You have to learn to accept something from someone or you will be single for a long time. In reality, it’s about figuring out what you can and can’t deal with versus expecting someone to meet unrealistic expectations. Plus, once you get real about your flaws and imperfections, it will be much easier to accept the flaws of others.
Koereyelle is the founder & CEO of The Single Wives Club.
Sometimes making time for each other is the hardest thing to do in a relationship when you have kids. It’s easy to let kids, chores, errands, work and everything else under the sun come before a partner. A healthy and successful relationship is the root of a happy family life. When those roots are suffering, the whole family suffers. Here are some simple ways to keep the marriage romance in your relationship.
Don’t forget to kiss
Don’t underestimate the small gestures of affection like a kiss when they get home from work or before bed. Kissing is one of the most intimate parts of a healthy sex life and marriage and sometimes it gets overlooked because there are too many other things to do.
Date night after the kids bedtime
If you don’t have a babysitter, don’t let that get in the way of date night. Cook a romantic dinner at least once a month for each other and a have a Friday night party.
Send your hubby sexy text messages about things you want to do in the bedroom or keep it simple with a, “Hey, sexy.” If you are comfortable enough then you could also send a sexy selfie pic along with the messages. The bottom line is, people want to feel needed and sexy in relationships and a sexy text from you could be just what’s needed to spice things up a little.
Compliment each other more
Tell your partner that they look nice before they go to work. Regardless of what they’ve achieved in their career or even if they are out of work, if you know that they are trying their hardest, let them know you are proud of them.
Commit to sexual intimacy
Sex is necessary for a healthy marriage because it’s a physical expression of emotional love and can help keep you connected. So make sure you are not treating it like a chore because your partner will be able to tell. Have your kids go with their grandparents for the weekend, buy new lingerie, candles and set the mood. And don’t forget to express your private desires as a couple. It’s so important to talk about your needs and fantasies.
Do nostalgic things
Obviously, your job as parents becomes the single most important thing to do and that’s natural and good, but you have to work hard to maintain your connection. Try and remember some of the things you did or places you went when you first started dating and do some of those things again. Or try things you have never done before, like dressing up to take a salsa class together, going zip lining, go-karting or roller skating.
Read erotic books
This may not be for every couple, but reading erotic books together can set the mood. You can actually start your own couples erotic book club where you decide to each read a chapter and then talk about it or text each other about your favorite parts.
Do you know any little girls that want to dress up like princesses? Whether it’s just to play dress up or for Halloween, little girls look at the cartoon movies and the images thrown at them about a fairytale love life and fall in love with the concept. And sometimes that concept sticks and as they grow up they think that’s how love is supposed to work or at least that’s how they want it to work. There is a cookie cutter image that is pushed from a young age about the magic of falling in love and meeting Mr. Right and living happily ever after. The problem with this cookie cutter image is if love doesn’t fall into place like a little girl has always dreamt, there can be disappointment and sadness of epic proportions.
So moms, how do we avoid princess syndrome? How do we promote a healthy and balanced image of relationships from a young age?
TV & Movies
If your daughter is going to watch fairytale movies about a princess being rescued by a prince, have a conversation about the movie afterwards. You don’t have to shatter her fairytale dreams but just find out what she liked about it. Tell her what you liked about it and try to find a fun and creative way to talk about the difference between real life and fun creative movies.
Conversations About Relationships
Obviously what you talk to your five-year-old and your ten-year old about will be two different topics but having conversations early about healthy relationships is important. Each new birthday you should talk to your daughter about relationships. When she is seven or eight the conversation can revolve around friendships with boys to find out are they nice/mean etc. And as she gets older you can talk to her about how her guy friends or boyfriends are supposed to treat her and offer suggestions on what she can do if she gets her heart-broken. You want her to feel like she can always talk to you about anything.
A Positive Image
Your daughter looks to you as an example of how relationships should be. Let her see that the man in your life treats you with respect even when the two of you aren’t getting along. If she does happen to see you get into arguments with your significant other, then talk to her later about it to see how it made her feel. Remember it takes a village so if you aren’t in a relationship then try to occasionally have her around a couple (old or young) that you think is a good example for her to see.
PROMOTE GOOD SELF-ESTEEM
Throughout her life, find little simple ways to show her that you feel she is beautiful inside and out. You can leave her little notes in her school lunch box that say: “Have a nice day, gorgeous.” You could also make a date night box where she puts all the fun things she wants to do in a box and the two of you reach in and randomly pick one for your monthly date night. The key here is for her to feel special on a consistent basis.
We’ve seen an increase in mobile dating apps such as Tinder, SoulSwipe and OkCupid. Even eHarmony and Match.com jumped on the mobile dating app bandwagon and adopted the swipe system. It allows you to swipe right for profiles that interest you and left for those that don’t without the guilt of hurting someone’s feelings. But for Brian Gerrard, he realized that he didn’t see a lot of people who looked like him on such popular dating apps. He believes that was a factor in the lack of matches he seemed to be getting on apps like Tinder.
Gerrard created the mobile dating app Bae (Before Anyone Else) as a way to enhance the Black dating experience. For Gerrard, he didn’t feel like apps like Tinder promoted long-term dating, and he wanted to establish something that allowed people of color to connect and stay connected.
Dating can be extremely time-consuming, especially when you have a million things going on as most of us millennials do. Gerrard realized that online dating helped break down dating barriers, but more so, he realized that mobile dating allowed users to make connections anywhere at any time right from their phone. For a lot of us, our phones never leave our hands, so a mobile dating app seemed like a brilliant way to deliver Bae to everyone.
Using Tinder, Gerrard noticed that his Black friends were only averaging about seven matches per week while his White friends were averaging at least 60. With a background in media analytics, he found that African Americans were 10 times less likely to get a match than a non-Black individuals. So he wanted to make navigating these dating apps and having success using them easier.
When Gerrard launched his app in April, he had no idea that it would take off as quickly as it has. Within the first two months he had approximately 50,000 downloads, and the users of Bae continue to increase daily. Gerrard began a tour targeting historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) and the amount of positive feedback, according to him, has been incredibly overwhelming. With the launch, Gerrard was able to curate all the matches, see how people were using the app and use that data to continue and enhance the app.
While the target audience is people of the diaspora (African American, Afro-Caribbeans, Afro-Latin Americans, etc.), which is basically anyone “who doesn’t sound corny using the word bae,” Gerrard assures that anyone can use Bae. So whether you’re Black or someone who loves Black men and women, feel free to download the free app available on iTunes and Google Play for Android.
So what’s next for Bae? Gerrard plans to launch tours to create more publicity for the app. This summer Bae is hosting a series of “BaeBQs” in NYC, as well as DC, and other hot spot cities frequented by young Black professionals. In the hopes of being more than just a dating app, but also a brand, Gerrard plans on hosting dating meetups and networking mixers as another way to create matches and make waves. This is just the beginning.
Have you tried Bae yet? If so, what do you think?
Romantic movies are great, but why are there so many rom com moments that never happen in real life? When it comes to these romantic movies, sometimes the movies leave us feeling let down.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which means it’s a time when we’re starting to feel extra sexy. The experts at Babeland showed us some of the best adult toys for couples who want to add a little somethin’ extra to the bedroom. Put the kids to bed early and do some toy shopping of your own.
Babeland’s Best Adult Toys For Couples
I must admit, as much as I love Valentine’s Day and all that romance stuff, doing the same thing year after year gets a little boring. Cards, flowers, chocolates and a nice dinner are all great but can we switch things up a bit? There has to be more to V-Day than just bling and edible delights – and please don’t think I am putting all of the creativity weight on men as us ladies can get to brainstorming as well. Thankfully, the more out-of-the-box your ideas are the more memorable they will be. Here are some unconventional ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day whether you are boo’ed up or flying solo.