Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

Source: forbes.com

What do you do when you are physically attracted to someone at your job? We are used to passing attractive people in the street or on the subway, but we usually never see these people again. But when that person is in the next cubicle over, things can sure get awkward. When we see people over and over they really begin to stand out to us. Having a coworker you are attracted to can be a recipe for disaster though. You see them every day, make cordial conversation about the weather or traffic coming in that morning. All the while, you are both scanning each other, sizing each other up. There is a certain seductive factor that goes into office romances. But there are many reasons why becoming more than friends with someone at your job might not be the best idea. Here are some reasons to stay away from office temptation:

By Kariba Williams

Source: honestannouncements.com

Let me start by saying that my friend is awesome. She’s gorgeous, intelligent, independent, and works for a major television network. She comes and goes as she pleases and takes exotic vacations at liberty. As Ne-yo would say, she’s got her own. What she and I can’t wrap our minds around is the fact that she’s still single. She’s conquered everything except for her love life. At 21, we would talk for hours about the type of men we would marry. At that time, her ideal mate was tall, handsome, had a career, owned a nice vehicle, had his own apartment, good credit and no children. Once she found her own career path, she was more than confident that the man she wanted wasn’t too far from her reach. After all, she does have a lot to offer and Mr. Right was probably two office buildings away, right? Fast forward to 2012 and at age 30, my friend will now settle for a man with a good job (maybe a city job if he’s passionate about it), no car, has a roommate, and can still afford to take care of his children while courting her. How crazy is that!? With all of her accolades, my friend now believes that her previous desires in a man may have been too much.

In my opinion, what she wanted at age 21 is certainly more attainable at age 30. Theoretically, she’s right on par with the societal trend. Women are definitely putting more focus on career first and family second. Some women are opting not to have children in the interest of the rat race. However, my friend is not one of those women. She comes from a close knit family and most of her friends are married or in a relationship with at least one child. That alone shouldn’t be an issue, but couple that with her mom’s constant grandbaby rain dance and you have a recipe for a boatload of stress. Outside of the ticking of her own biological clock, she has to hear the question, “When are you going to have children?” The answer to which she always half jokingly answers, “When I get a man.”

The old adage is that you don’t go looking for love. You’re supposed to let love find you. In my opinion, those words are reserved for recital by the people who are already in relationships or trying to get out of one. As a married woman, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said that to people that are single. To be quite honest, I say it out of habit. Its the same thing that was said to me when I was single. Even then, I remember thinking, “Shut up, you have a man.” However, it’s pretty true. I was not looking for love when I met my husband. I was actually on a man fast (nothing religious, just pissed). I wasn’t initially open to his advances and his shoes were turning me off. Yes, we were so young that his shoes were a factor. Unlike my friend, I didn’t have a serious list with regard to the opposite sex. My husband and I just sort of helped each other develop. Neither one of us had a career at that point and we pretty much just figured stuff out. We did it right, in the traditional sense (marriage and then children), but I feel like my friend has the formula down to a science. Her formula is career and steady finance, marriage and then babies. Where could she possibly have gone wrong?

Logically, she should have men at her beck and call, but it almost seems like she’s being punished for her chosen path. Why is it that she, as a professional black woman, would need to lower her standards to find love? I’ve even considered the intimidation excuse. The single successful black woman usually brings that up as a factor, but that has never been a topic in our conversations. I know that whenever her dating life (or lack thereof) comes up in conversation, I tell her until I’m blue in the face, “DO NOT SETTLE.” I understand why she tweaked parts of her list. She wanted what she believed to be a better chance of finding someone. What I need her to understand is that now, she should expect more. The more a man ages, the more he should’ve attained. It is time for her to up the ante and expect a man with maturity, financial literacy, and a provider of the utmost respect. I know it’s redundant, but I tell her to be patient because the man for her is worth the wait. She’s that project girl that worked her way up and shouldn’t have to feel compelled to keep one leg in the barrel. She’s the bomb and Emmy nominated. Trust, a great man should, and is going to recognize.

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The latest concoction to satisfy America’s craving for drama-filled reality entertainment comes from one of the top purveyors of the reality show medium: VH1. Continuing the trend of forcing the next best thing to a celebrity (the person they are sleeping with) into the limelight, the network is set to launch a series starring the significant others of famous Black actors and comedians.

Nicole Murphy, Jessica Canseco, Sheree Fletcher, Mayte Garcia, and Andrea Kelly will star in the series set to launch this summer. Don’t know them? How about Eddie Murphy, Jose Canseco, Will Smith, Prince, and R. Kelly? The stars of the show shared a marriage bed with these gentlemen, respectively, thus the show’s title, “Hollywood Exes.” Cameras have documented the “wives” of mobsters, athletes, and upper-class men in random cities across the country. It was only a matter of time before Black Hollywood had its turn.

How dare they!?!

According to the network, these women have been friends for years and are using the show to share their relatable experiences with America. TV guide summary aside, these women are using the success of their lovers to further their own careers. If this weren’t the entertainment industry, it would sound worse than it already does.

For example, if Bill Gates’ wife started a small tech company just because she’s Bill Gates wife, the entire tech industry would badmouth her, some even in public. She’s riding his coattails, they would say. She’s using her connections to cheat people who have real talent out of an opportunity. If these sentiments sound vaguely familiar, it’s because this scenario of using relationships and position to get ahead in business is not far-fetched in any industry.

Ever wonder why a budding romance seems to be going so well for a spell, only for it to come crashing down in flames after a few short weeks or months? Sometimes it’s simply not meant to be, but most times it could be our own behavior sabotaging our love lives over and over again. We know we may be doing something wrong, but we don’t want to take a close look at ourselves and own up to it. It’s time to do some soul searching and break the routine of bad emotional habits that could be ruining your chances at a healthy relationship.

1. Allowing Everyone in Your Business

Some people don’t know how to keep their friends and family out of their relationships. If you and your man have a fight, your girls don’t need to know ALL of the details. Sure, you may need to vent, but your besties will still hold a grudge against your man long after you’ve forgiven him…and they won’t let you live it down. Pretty soon they’re giving him the side eye and spreading your business all around town – and he’ll resent you for not keeping your private lives between the both of you. Loose lips can get you dropped – quick, fast and in a hurry. Keep your business to yourself.

Some say that friends make the best lovers, but I might have to disagree.  Whether it’s in grade school or in grad school, we’ll all have one experience being on the end of a relationship where one person wants a little more romance than the other.  When it’s all said and done, you can either end up in a loving relationship with your best friend or find yourself with a fragile friendship ruined by the awkwardness of an unrequited romance.  While we recently talked about reasons you shouldn’t be “just a friend” with a guy, many don’t realize that we often blindly walk into those type of situations not recognizing that the friend zone is right where we’re headed. Don’t take the risk of being asked to be “just a friend” by avoiding the following roles and actions:

When you were a child, love was based solely on what you saw in Disney movies and other fairy tales. In high school you learned through crushes that sometimes the feeling wasn’t always mutual. And in your twenties you realized that maybe love isn’t always so sweet. Now, that you’re 30 (or over) what lessons have you learned about love? Has your prospective changed?

Find out what this woman realized about love and relationships once she hit the big 3-0 at Your Tango.com. 

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When the loneliness gets too hard to bear, many people seek comfort from the Internet. But be careful— romance scammers are waiting. We’re not talking about the kind that try to steal your heart and turn out to be just as trifling as the ones you met in person. We’re talking about the scammers that are simply out for your money. Reuters reports that romance scams are “long-term romantic relationships that thieves cultivate with a potential victim.” In the midst of the holiday season, they’re on the rise.

When it comes to romance scams there is no discrimination: victims range from 18 to 81 and come from all socioeconomic backgrounds. Although scam artists make it difficult to give romance scams an exact number, Western Union reports that these scams are one of the top five customer complaints. Since November, the company has observed a 30 percent increase in romance scam reports.

Barb Sluppick, who was almost a victim herself, tells Reuters that “if you are on the Internet and you have an email address and you are open to having a relationship with someone, you can become a victim.”

She founded the support and awareness internet group Romancescams.org, and has had more than 48,000 people join her site since 2005. 1,165 people on the site have disclosed how much money they lost to scammers lost with a total of $14.1 million.

The scam starts off simple enough with a friendly and innocent meeting on a dating site or forum. After weeks and sometimes months of communication over email, phone calls or instant messages, a trust begins to form between the two budding lovers, so that strong that they can begin to ask for money. Sometimes the person needs money to help pay for travel to see you, their newfound love. Sometimes they tell you they need help paying for holiday gifts or for a series of unfortunate events that have happened recently.

“I am not an ignorant person. I am educated and intelligent,” Jan Miller said to Reuters. The registered nurse and mother of three thought she had found a wonderful potential mate in a guy she met online who claimed to be living in Seattle.

“I told myself he has to be real, because why would anyone spend that much time talking to someone if they were not real?”

Her internet “friend” asked her for money after he had run into misfortune while on a business trip in London. Miller obliged and when it didn’t seem as if he was coming back to the US, she slowly began to realize she had been scammed, and found out he was part of a team of scammers in Nigeria.

According to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center, most of the scams derive from Nigeria, Ghana, England and Canada. In most of these international scamming cases, the money is never recovered and the thieves are hard to shut down.

Perhaps it’s best this holiday season to enjoy your singleness and your money. If you do choose to chat with someone online, keep in mind that until you’ve met this person, he/she doesn’t deserve a dime of your hard earned money. After all, we are still in a recession.

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While most single people have a list of things that they are looking for in a mate, far too many folks will let a good thing pass them by because they’ve got one (or three) too many ‘dealbreakers’. If you’re looking for love and turning up short, consider re-evaluating your standards if you’ve been too rigid about the following:

Read the rest of this entry »

Love should be free and blind and all that good stuff. However, you can’t bypass common sense in favor of rose-colored glasses, even when it comes to matters of the heart. A man can be fine, kind and just your type…yet totally, totally wrong for other reasons. Take a gander at our list of ‘banned’ men and keep your hands off!

Too many people think that dinner and a movie are your only first date options. There are plenty of other great destinations for you and your latest love interest. Check out our list of date destinations and let us know where some of your most memorable first dates have taken place!