All Articles Tagged "relationships"

Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Don’t: Survey Reveals Men Commit Financial Infidelity More Than Women

January 22nd, 2015 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
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Men Commit Financial Infidelity

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CreditCards.com surveyed 843 adults who are in relationships about how they manage money with their partners. The results were quite interesting: six percent of the participants have a secret bank account or credit card their partner does not know about. In comparison to the entire American population, NBC reports 7.2 million American commit this type of financial infidelity.

Although the terminology sounds over the top, Jezebel notes when one partner hides their extra financial assessments it makes them appear shady. The survey also concluded that one in five persons spent $500 or more on purchases their partners did not know about. Although an image of a woman sneaking into her house with bags of shoes or clothes may emerge in your mind, it is actually men who spend twice as much and fail to inform their partners of their purchases.

Paula Levy, a marriage and family therapist who is also a public accountant says that financial infidelity is common in most relationships. The reason this occurs is because both partners want to avoid conflict in their relationship and get the material things they desire. Levy also notes, although the phrase “financial infidelity” is intense, partners do not need to share every detail of their financial spending, which helps them feel independent from their partner.

The survey also noted two-thirds of married couples maintain joint accounts whereas others maintain the separate accounts they had prior to marriage. Whatever the financial setup, Levy does claim if a person lies to their partner about their financial habits, there will be a lack of trust in the relationship. The survey went onto highlight the most interesting financial claims made by couples in the survey:

“Younger people are more likely than older people to say they’ve had hidden accounts or large, secret purchases. A full one-quarter (25 percent) of respondents aged 18-29 say they have made purchases of $500 or more without telling their partners, compared with just 15 percent of those aged 65 and up. Seven percent of those aged 18-49 said they had secret accounts, compared with 4 percent aged 65-plus.

Is big spending acceptable? Many survey participants say they’re tolerant of their partner spending money without telling them. Thirty-one percent of men and 18 percent of women say they would have no problem with their partner spending $500 or more without letting them know.

At the other end of the spectrum, 31 percent of respondents said they think their partners should be able to spend only $100 or less without telling them.”

In order to avoid distrusting your partner’s financial spending habits, lawyer Dane Scalise and his wife created a list to avoid the drama:

1. Consider financial infidelity as serious as any other type, as data show the consequences can be equally grave.
2. Be aware of and honest about your financial health. Address problems early and seek help so they do not escalate.
3. Regularly discuss the household finances. Make financial decisions as a team and agree on an amount that each can spend “no questions asked” (as long as it fits into the monthly spending plan).
4. Create checks and balances by taking joint responsibility or taking turns paying the household bills.
5. Agree that all account access will be shared, even if the account is individual (bank, credit, investment and so on).

Sex On Your Period? Is Your Oral Game On Point? The Fellas Of Guy Code Answer Your Burning Questions

January 14th, 2015 - By Brande Victorian
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By now we know there are just some questions our girlfriends can’t answer when it comes to relationships. And while we’re not here for the patronizing advice of the Steve Harveys and Tyrese’s of the world, we can appreciate a little brutal male honesty every now and then and that’s exactly what we got when the fellas of MTV 2’s Guy Code came by the office and answered all of your burning questions about sex and relationships.

We’ll be honest with you: For every laugh we shared with the fellas, we also had one of those is he talking about me? moments as the guys dished on why they will — and won’t — make you their girlfriend, what they like and don’t like us to do in bed, and if that chick they say is just a friend is really just that. Make sure you’re sitting down when you watch this one.

Strengthen Your Relationship & Finances: 10 Money-Saving Tips For Couples

January 13th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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How are things on the financial horizon between you and your love? Are you two making the right kind of strides, or are y’all struggling with the same old mess? Many people look to the new year as an opportunity to make changes in their lives for the better. Check out these money-saving tips couples can start to put into action right now.

Read Love & Hustle: How to Become a Power Couple

The Financial Kiss Of Death? There’s More To A Marriage Than A Fancy Wedding

January 12th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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It always amazes me how quick people spend money they don’t have. I honestly don’t know why it surprises me so much, but it does.

As a little girl, I can honestly say I didn’t have visions of a huge wedding. I can barely remember playing with Barbie dolls back then. I was the type of gal looking to climb trees and play tag. There’s certainly nothing wrong with women who spend time daydreaming about their special day. In theory, it should happen only once…

When my husband proposed to me several years ago, I knew two things: I was excited to take his last name, and we were going to have a long engagement. We lived in New Jersey at the time in a town that wasn’t too far from Alicia Keys and Beyoncé’s house (trust, we definitely do not have their money) in a condo he owned since graduating from college. Compared to our friends who lived and worked in New York City, we were doing pretty well, but not as good as they were considering they were lawyers and had jobs in finance.

Giving ourselves a two year deadline, we took our time researching the best and most affordable options. We knew we wanted something wonderful, but weren’t willing to go into debt to obtain it. As our long countdown to Mr. and Mrs. continued, it was funny to see our friends’ reactions. Some were understanding and others didn’t know why we didn’t just put it on a credit card. By the time 2012 rolled around, we were ready and had one of the best weddings—per our guests.

During the time we were saving for our wedding, some of our friends had their special day, events that did not withhold any luxuries. It was crazy to hear how much they spent on their wedding — and yes, they were proud to reveal the dollar amount. While some couples are still together, many who said “I do” called it quits after less than a year of marriage.

I am certainly no relationship or financial expert, but I find the correlation between expensive weddings and divorce interesting. In fact, studies are now showing those who spend more than $20,000 on their wedding are 3.5 times more likely to divorce. I personally don’t think it’s an automatic kiss of death, but it’s not the best way to set up your financial future as husband and wife.

The bottom line is there is more to a marriage than a wedding.

By taking two years to save, my husband and I were able to pay for our wedding and honeymoon (took 14 days in Aruba) in cash. While we didn’t have doves or Babyface singing at our ceremony, we did have white glove service and an unforgettable menu (the venue overlooked downtown Manhattan, which was amazing). Our lack of wedding debt also put us in a better financial position to save for a down-payment on a house among other goals.

One of the leading causes of divorce in a marriage is arguments over money. So why don’t more people think about this with their wedding?

Read Financial Wedding Mistakes That Can Cost Your Happily Ever After

Happy Divorce Week: Will Your Relationship Survive The New Year?

January 7th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Did you know that this week is the most popular for divorce? Breakups are around every corner and divorce is 33% more likely to happen this week than any other. And here’s why some men are low-key waiting until January to file divorce.

Have You Heard Of The New Side Chick (And Could You Be Her)?

January 7th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Have you heard of “the new side chick“? Just because there’s no other woman doesn’t mean you’re his number one. If your relationship sounds anything like this, you could be a side chick without even knowing it.

The Truth About Happy Couples: Do You And Your Boo Make The Cut?

January 6th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock


Is there a formula for love? Scientists say that if you want to know if you two have what it takes for the long haul, all you have to do is look at the numbers. When it comes to fighting, loving and spending these are the signs that you’re doing it right.

Straight From His Mouth: Why He Disappeared During The Holidays

January 5th, 2015 - By Dr. J
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Disappeared During The Holidays

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He didn’t show up at all for Christmas. You invited him to dinner with your family or maybe he didn’t invite you to spend any of the holidays with him. He didn’t call or text to say he wasn’t coming by or even to wish you a Merry Christmas. You’re now wondering if you can really call it a relationship when the man you’re dating doesn’t even care to acknowledge you on Christmas day or New Year’s. While it may be a hard pill to swallow, you might be overreacting.

It’s important that we all understand that there is no set book of rules and procedures for a relationship. Each one is different in their own sense and anyone professing that they know what the proper protocol is for the holidays is lying through their teeth. Know that in 2014 the relationship roles of friends, friends with benefits, boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife have been blurred as much as possible. People want to be part of the family before they’re actually part of the family. They play house when it benefits them or they play house because they see other couples playing house. The fact of the matter is if you have said to yourself, “He should have spent Christmas with me because we’re dating” you’re actually in the “not exactly” zone.

It would be nice if significant others spent the holidays with each other, alternating between whose family they will join for dinner and greetings but it’s not a requirement. There are several reasons someone may not want to spend each holiday together and everyone should have the ability to make that decision for themselves without being guilt tripped into any action.

One of the reasons someone may be reluctant to invite their significant other to holiday family gatherings may be their family. Everybody’s family is different and everybody in your family might not be someone you want to bring your significant other around until you absolutely have to. The family may be wildly inappropriate and lack filters that should be common sense for most people. You can’t choose your family but you can choose to not let them affect your personal life.

Another reason someone may be reluctant to invite their significant other around may be because they don’t want to send mixed signals. As men we have to be very careful of the mixed signals we send. If you’re still taking your time and navigating the relationship it’s probably not a good idea to give off the impression that wedding bells are coming soon. This may be why he didn’t arrange to exchange gifts with you or be your first kiss of the New Year.

Lastly, you could be dating a scrooge. Keep in mind that if you’re dating a scrooge it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you. It means he doesn’t care for holidays in general and if that’s something you care for greatly a compromise will need to be made.

Let me be honest, a seeming disappearing act this time of year can be hurtful to experience — especially if you planned on seeing your guy or at least hearing from him. However, there are tons of reasons that have nothing to do with the failure of your relationship that could have caused the distance. The best approach is to talk prior to holidays in order to plan for them. Most of the times when there’s a breakdown around holiday expectations it’s because expectations were made without discussions being had. Save yourself the stress and just go ahead and have the conversation. Even if you get news you don’t want to hear at least it’s better than hearing nothing at all.

 

The Real Reason You Can’t Move On From Your Ex

December 25th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Single Black Male

The other day I had a conversation with a close friend and the topic of conversation came up of whether you ever move on from your ex. Not the ex that was a dirtbag but the exes that you have that you really cared about. I told her in summary that you really don’t move on from that experience what you do is you accept that you are no longer together.

That doesn’t mean that you always hope that you get back together one day. What it means is that when you care about someone you don’t lose those feelings. You can’t move past it all you can do is accept the circumstance. There’s growth in that realization. That’s the growth that you need to be able to encounter new people and accept the challenge that comes with a new mate.

I think at times we’re so obsessed with moving on that we haven’t figured out that moving on is not required. What you should want to take away from a situation is that you learned something about yourself and about that relationship. You may have learned what you like in a significant other or what you don’t like but you’re willing to tolerate.

I’ll always tell people that I will never regret about 99% of the people I’ve dated because if I did I would have to conclude that I don’t know how to pick them. What I know is that I have tried and sometimes it didn’t work out. I didn’t move on; treating each relationship in my life like a ball game doesn’t sound right. I take all that with me as I move forward. Some people call it baggage and I don’t think it qualifies as baggage unless you only take away the negative. I take away all the positives that come with a relationship ending and the potential of a new one beginning.

That’s important because failure is what scares us the most. It makes us stay in situations way too long and it sometimes relegates us in situations that we should never be a partied to. I have struggled with that myself in relationships, do I stay or do I leave? It’s a question that I grapple with all the time.

Read more about why you should move on from past relationships at SingleBlackMale.org

Straight From His Mouth: 5 Of The Biggest Reasons Breaking Up Sucks

December 22nd, 2014 - By RealGoesRight
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Breakups are hard. Even if you don’t like the other person anymore and you know breaking up with them is for the best, it’s still pretty unpleasant. There’s a long list of reasons why I’m none too fond of breakups, but these are my top 5.

1. They’re not there for you anymore

The worst thing about breaking up with someone is that in addition to being your boyfriend/girlfriend, they were also your actual friend. Someone who once occupied a large portion of your day in a variety of ways is no longer there.

In relationships, your significant other is usually the first person you call when anything happens. Had a bad day? Call your boo. Got some good news? Text your boo. Both of ya’ll got desk jobs? Gchat gets lit up from the time you walk in until the time you get home.

It’s easy to take for granted just how much you rely on daily contact with someone. And the more you rely on that contact, the more jarring it is when it’s no longer there. All of sudden you realize how much your phone doesn’t ring. How infrequently you get text messages. How you’re really not interested in talking to anybody on your Gchat list. Those first few days and weeks after a break up when you’re still searching to fill the hole in your heart that person left?

Stressful.

2. Love changes and (their) friends become strangers

Breaking up with someone doesn’t just entail breaking up with them. It also includes breaking up with their family and friends. Granted, this may not be an issue for some but if you had a pretty good relationship with the inner circle of your significant other, the separation can make things a bit more difficult.

The cousin who worked at Comcast who was going to hook you up with free cable? Nope. The sister who had the boyfriend who worked at Best Buy and was going to get you that TV on sale? That’s over. Being able to call up their mother and invite yourself over for dinner because you knew they’d set out a plate for you off principle?

Forget about it.

3. You did everything together; now everything hurts

A side effect of being in a long-term relationship with someone is the memories you create with them. You get to know all their ins and outs (no pun intended) favorite foods, brands, places to shop, TV shows, and how many sugars they like in their coffee. The drawback is once you start to associate that person with all of those things it becomes rather difficult to dissociate the two after a breakup.

All of sudden, you can’t watch certain TV shows because it reminds you of them. You don’t want to eat your burger with extra cheese and onions because it was your ex’s favorite. You walk outside and smell a certain perfume/cologne, or you hear a passionate argument about your ex’s favorite artist and it seems like little reminders of them are everywhere.

I remember one time during a break up I was cleaning out my drawer and I found a shirt buried in the midst of my other clothes. I didn’t recognize the shirt at first and I ended up pressing it to my nose (don’t ask me why I did this) and it smelled exactly like my ex.

I never dialed her number so fast in my life.

4. Staring at the (wo)man in the mirror

There tends to be a startling amount of self-scrutiny involved when a break-up happens. Assuming you’re in the business of taking personal responsibility, the first thing you decide to do is find out what part of the breakup may have been your fault.

“Did I spoil her too much?”

“Did I not set good enough boundaries with him?”

“Should I not have nagged him so much?”

“Should I have been more firm with where I stood on certain issues?”

Those questions tend to happen in a rapid fire motion with thoughts traveling at the speed of light. Relationships are interesting, in that they sometimes do a very good job of showing you who you are. It’s one thing to trot out lists of things you like, don’t like, are willing to accept and not accept, but the relationship history and people you tend to date really says it all.

The long-term effects of grading your actions and coming up with plans for how you won’t make the same mistakes can’t be undervalued. Going through the actual process however? Not as much fun.

5. Social networking…(of course.)

The use of any of the “big three” social networks (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter) will show you how incredibly volatile breakups can get. A simple change in relationship status on Facebook from “in a relationship” to “single” will give rise to any number of comments and “likes” on said status change. It’s becoming increasingly rare for two people to privately breakup and deal with their emotions.

Now you get to watch the story break in real time — especially if you’re on Twitter, which is home to some of the messiest “relationship ending” I have ever seen in life. When it comes to relationships, watching Twitter is like watching the “Maury show” in real-time where there are new guests every day.

The constant timeline searching, the subtweets, the retweets, other people pitching in, then someone figuring everything out are a recipe for all types of disasters to happen. Social networking can take your average, normal breakup and turn it into drama that would rival that of any reality TV show. And though this isn’t an advice column, I will throw out this warning: don’t do it.

These are only but 5 of my reasons breakups tend to be the worst things that can happen to people. What are some of the reasons you think breakups suck?