All Articles Tagged "relationships"

Cougar Alert! Celeb Women Who Like Younger Men

July 31st, 2015 - By Desiree Bowie
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Nicki Minaj Meek Mill Couples People Don't Take Seriously

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It’s pretty common to see a male celeb dating a younger woman. In fact, it’s expected. But nowadays celeb women are looking for their own PYT (pretty young things), and we are so here for it. Check out these 15 celeb women who are getting their cougar on!

Crazy in Love: 15 Artists Who Collaborated With Their Boos On Hit Songs

July 30th, 2015 - By Desiree Bowie
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Image Source: WENN.com

Image Source: WENN.com

There’s always a special spark when two artists make love and art together. While the unions may not always last, the music lives on forever. Popular music is at its best when couples collaborate. Check out 15 artists who put their boos on the track and made beautiful (or at least decent) music together.

Would You Have Closure Sex?

July 30th, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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First date sex

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Jill Scott’s number one selling album Woman really tells some complex stories. Earlier, we told you about the single “Closure” about deciding to sleep with a man one, last time before you end the relationship. When Jill  appeared on “The Breakfast Club,” Angela Yee couldn’t wait to ask her about this concept and whether or not she believed this could work in real life.

See what Jilly from Philly had to say about the concept.

I think it can work. Hey, listen, any port in the storm is where I’m at with it. It’s worked. 

For me, I’ve had that experience and that last one was not the best one. My feet were already on my way out. I knew this was it. It’s a rap. This is the last time, Making a conscious decision and then saying I’m going to give my body this one more time. I didn’t second guess or regret or anything. 

Charlemagne: What’s the point of that though? Why can’t a phone conversation be the end of it?

Sometimes phone calls work with some people. Sometimes they don’t. Like I said, any port in a storm. When you’re trying to get away from something that’s not necessarily beneficial to you–you’ve had that conversation before. ‘Look, we’re not going to do this anymore. It was great but…I want more for my life.’ Then here he comes again, smelling like that and then all of a sudden, you change your mind and then you’re right back where you started. You know when someone has that “thang” it’s really challenging to walk away from it. 

This is not about a love relationship. This is about two people that are friends, homie, lover, friends if you will. And we have a great time. But in order to get more, in order to have a well-balanced relationship, a participant in your life. Not just somebody who makes it good, real quick and then disappears. I’m talking about a partnership, in order to have that, you’ve got to make way, you’ve got to make room. That’s the reason for the Closure. 

Hmm…

Initially, when I heard that song, I thought Jill was talking about a man she’d once loved. But listening to the sound of that broke down brotha’s voice, I should have known better. This man was just a cut buddy. Which changes things. True, there is still a chance that you could get in that room and experience some things that will make you reconsider; but if you never loved the person, then it might not be so hard to walk away.

Still, it’s easier said that done.

I know a few women who like to pretend they can have sex casually. But truth be told, they cared more than they wanted to…and in most cases, couldn’t even save face and hide it.

Proceed with caution.

What do you think about this concept? Are you the type of woman who could have closure sex? Have some of you done it before? Did things work out as planned? Do tell.

“Get Over It”: Celebrities Give Their Two Cents On Love And Interracial Dating

July 29th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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I never usually entertain the opinions of others because everyone is entitled to they're own opinion. (Positive or Negative) But we're in the year of 2015 & when should it be a "problem" to date outside of your race? Why is that an issue AGAIN? I'm doing the unusual & going through my comments & the comments I see about my wife being another race is bugging me out. Who one chooses to date is that persons business. Instead of focusing on (Happiness) & (pure Love) for some reason some folks are still focused on (Color). Doesn't make any sense to me. But I guess that's the ignorance of OTHERS. My wife may not be Black but she is mine. And she's mine with a heart of gold. People are so quick to judge but can't even distinguish the difference of another's race. Sophia Luke is Hispanic. She's not white, she's not black, she's not Chinese, she's Hispanic. And she's mine!!

A photo posted by Derek Luke (@iamderekluke) on

Empire star Derek Luke’s comments about his marriage had everyone talking about interracial dating. But do you know where the stars stand when it comes to dating outside of their race? Well, you’re about to find out.

When Depression Reinforces The Belief That You’re Unlovable

July 29th, 2015 - By Tracey Lloyd
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

We’ve all been in a bad relationship. Despite our best efforts, we found ourselves mixed up with someone who didn’t have our best interest at heart or was just a bad match in general. I, of course, have been there a few times. When I’m feeling well and generally in my right mind, I can end a bad relationship as soon as I identify the signs of it. But when I’m feeling depressed or on the verge of a mental illness relapse, my judgment goes out the window, and I end up sticking around in an undesirable situation longer than I should.

I was friends with my last boyfriend — henceforth to be known as “Ronald” so as to protect the guilty — for many years before we became a couple. More accurately, we were friends for a while, then friends with benefits for a while and then, I would say five years later, we started dating. Everything was great between Ronald and I. We talked several times a day, had lunches and dinners every week, and the sex was terrific. Eventually, we had sleepovers, spending several hours in bed talking, reading, and making love. That’s right, I said hours. He said, “I love you” first, and I responded in kind. I was happy.

Anyone who has ever started a relationship with a friend knows the comfortable sense of intimacy you feel when you know someone well on many levels. Being with Ronald made me feel comfortable. Despite knowing each other for quite some time, we still laughed at each other’s jokes, remembered details about each other’s families and finished each other’s sentences. For me, the most satisfying thing about being with Ronald was that he knew about my bipolar disorder, and it didn’t change his opinion of me. He still thought of me as smart, successful and beautiful in spite of my disease, and even brave for being honest about my condition and fighting for normalcy. Being accepted with bipolar is a big thing for me, given the stigma that many people place on those with mental illness. We are thought of as universally broken, crazy, incompetent and any number of qualities that would be undesirable in a relationship. So being with someone who didn’t think those things of me, and who treated me like the person I am was perfect, most of the time.

Things with Ronald moved into bad relationship territory after about a year, when he started to become less communicative. Instead of him immediately returning my texts and phone calls, he’d go a day or two without contacting me. We’d see each other for lunches, but our dinners and weekend sleepovers turned into Ronald leaving my house after sex and requisite cuddling. I tried not to think anything of it, attributing the change in his behavior to the natural ebb and flow of a relationship. I thought about asking him what was up, but I was afraid to bring up the topic. Like a lot of women, I suppose I didn’t want to confront Ronald about the changes because I was afraid of what I might learn. Instead of talking about it, I ruminated and became depressed.

In the midst of depression, I did things that I would not have ordinarily done. I ignored my instinct to bring up my concerns to Ronald, preferring instead to wonder what I’d done wrong to change his behavior. I told myself that as long as I never said anything, I was in a relationship and having someone was better than being alone. I told myself that I’d never find anyone else who cared about me as much as Ronald did because of our history together. And I lied to myself, believing that I’d never find another man who’d accept me with my bipolar disorder and that I needed to hang on to Ronald as long as possible, no matter what. After all, he wasn’t exactly treating me badly, and he still told me that he loved me, so there was probably no reason to worry. He was probably just stressed out at work or something like that, and since men can’t multitask, everything would eventually return to normal.

As often happens in these cases, my relationship with Ronald never returned to its initial, happier tenor. We still talked and texted frequently, but we saw each other less and less. For months, I still held on to the belief that Ronald was my boyfriend, even though we were more like friends who had sex every time we hung out. I realized that while he’d frequently come to my apartment, I’d only once seen where he lived. And I noticed that he’d become increasingly vague about his whereabouts, particularly when rejecting my invitations to get together. I suspected that he’d begun seeing another woman and still I didn’t confront him because I thought it meant losing the only person who really accepted and understood me. I remained depressed, trapped in a series of negative thoughts about my self-worth and my relationship prospects as someone living with mental illness.

Of course, Ronald eventually confessed that he’d begun pursuing another woman, even while maintaining a romantic relationship with me. Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to tell him never to contact me again since I don’t do liars and cheats. I know for sure that I never confronted Ronald because I was too depressed to think highly enough of myself to do so. I’ve been in other relationships in which I’ve felt good enough to end things when they went south, so I know that I can be honest with men about my needs. It was my mood that enhanced my feelings of self-doubt and the belief that I was unlovable, and those feelings made me stay in a bad relationship.

“Tracey Lloyd lives in Harlem, where she fights her cat for access to the keyboard. You can find more of her experiences living with bipolar disorder on her personal blog, My Polar Opposite.

Separated But Not Divorced, Should You Date Him?

July 26th, 2015 - By Brooke Dean
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A couple of days ago a friend and I were discussing another mutual friend–we’ll call her “Roslyn”–who was going through a divorce. Although the divorce hadn’t been finalized, her and her no ex-husband went their separate ways nearly two years ago. This resulted in him moving out and getting his own place, and quickly moving on to a new girlfriend. Even still, they were in contact as they share custody of their three kids. When I asked a mutual friend if Roslyn was dating, she informed me that although Roslyn had gone on a date or two here and there, she was just not ready. “Roslyn doesn’t feel “single” yet,” she said.

As a woman who has had the experience of dating two different men who were going through a divorce, I can unequivocally say that I’ll never date a married but separated man again. One was simply not emotionally ready to move on, while the other informed me after five months of dating that he was going to go back and give it another shot with his wife–only for them to end up divorced anyway. Honestly, it was just too much drama for me. So, until a man was totally free and wasn’t involved with any other women that could claim him as her husband, I stayed away. Now, as a married woman myself, I can say with some degree of certainty that if my husband and I were to divorce, I wouldn’t want to rush right back into another serious relationship. But that’s just me.

All circumstance are different, so it’s hard to say if a person should date someone who is in the process of a divorce or not. While most divorces can be sad, nasty and drawn out, others can be quick and painless. But often times there’s a grey area where both parties know the relationship has run its course and are ready to move on, but they have to figure out how to divide custody of the kids and shared assets. This can take months, if not years, with lawyers are the only ones tying the two people together. Dating someone in that circumstance might not be risky, but love is a risk no matter what.  However, even if you play out many different scenarios in your head, you still will not be fully informed on your situation and how you should proceed.

Like any other matter of the heart, your gut is your best tool to use when trying to decide if dating someone who is separated is worth it. Assess his situation thoroughly: How long has he been separated? Does he live alone? Are there kids involved and/or assets that need to be split? Does he seem emotionally available or over her completely? Just because a man is over his ex doesn’t mean he’s ready to be in a committed relationship again. He could still be mourning the end of the marriage even though he’s dating. Sometimes people use others to help them get over that loss, which we call a rebound.

Ladies, if you’re not sure if you’re just a rebound helping him to transition from marriage to single-hood, then avoid dating men who are separated and not divorced. If you do decide to date him, take it slow. There should be no pressure on him to define your relationship, divulge if he’s ready to get married again or even if he sees a future with you. Chances are he’s still reeling from the shock of his failed marriage to even begin to think about the possibility of going down that road again.

Again, not all men and women are emotional and financial wrecks after a divorce. Some even believe in the institution of marriage, and hope to marry the right person the second or even third time around. But like all relationships that you might hope turn into a long-term commitment, take your time getting to know him. Ask important questions–the cause of the breakup in the first place– so you can make informed decisions on how you’d like to proceed. And if marriage is what you ultimately aspire to, make sure you discover over the course of getting to know him if he’s willing to do it again in time.

No one can know for sure how dating and falling in love will turn out, but your intuition can let you know if dating a guy who is separated but not divorced is worth it. If you have any doubts or feel that he’s just using you to get over his ex, then don’t do it. If you’re unsure, it’s best to wait until he’s free, for real. And if he’s the one, he’ll come looking for you when the ink is dry.

How to Deal When Others Disappoint You

July 24th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Shutterstock

In an ideal world, no one would ever hurt us and things would always go according to plan. Unfortunately, that’s just not reality. At some point in your life, people you know will drop the ball causing all sorts of emotions on your end. The question is how will you deal? Here are some tips on how to deal with disappointment. It’s not always easy but it does get better with time.

Rekindle Your Relationship: Reasons To Hang Out With Your Married Friends

July 20th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Who says single and married friends don’t mix? After a big lifestyle change, all relationships need a little maintenance. Here are a few reasons to put in the extra effort to keep your friendships alive.

Newsflash: Hating Your Man’s Ex Actually Makes You Look Crazy

July 18th, 2015 - By Brooke Dean
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A few days ago, a friend of mine confessed that she had been snooping on her boyfriend’s ex’s Instagram feed. At first thought, I didn’t see anything terribly wrong with it. Some would say it’s human nature to be curious about your man’s ex – to see what she looks like, if he has a “type,” if there are any signs from her status updates that she’s still into him, etc. But once snooping has turned into an outright stalker-type obsession, one might need to fall back a bit and assess their level of crazy.

My friend’s snooping isn’t just harmless curiosity; she mentioned that all of her snooping was making her hate this woman, even though she had no idea why. The ex was beautiful, she seemed happy, had a Pinterest-worthy lifestyle – and from the looks of it, a new man. So why did she hate this woman so much, just from looking at a bunch of flicks?

When I asked her this question, she had no real answer. What she did reveal, though, was that the ex’s name came up casually in conversation once and that’s when her curiosity began. She said that the mere mention of her name made her feel a tinge of jealousy, even though her man wasn’t pining or gushing over her. I reminded her that speaking an ex’s name isn’t blasphemy and mature adults who have moved on should be able to discuss their past and the people in it without going ballistic. The look on her face read “busted” as her insecurities spilled out all over the place. She didn’t hate this woman at all. She had issues with herself.

Suddenly she was talking about how perfect the ex’s hair is. Both women wear their hair natural, but my friend’s hair is short with tight curls while his ex’s hair is down her back in perfect spiraling ringlets. My friend is built like a brick house and has a shape most women envy, but his ex is tall and lean and built like a super model. Both of them are beautiful women in their own right, but have a totally different style. But one glaring difference between them was that my friend and her man were stagnant in their relationship while his ex appeared to have moved on and is glowing with happiness with her new man.

And there it was. That is what my friend longed for that she didn’t have, and hating his ex was the only way she could express how unhappy she was with her own life.

Most times what we hate in others is what we despise in ourselves as well. Obsessing over your boyfriend’s ex is the quickest way to expose your insecurities and reveal an adolescent maturity level that can possibly ruin your current relationship. If your man has moved on and so has she, then anyone in his past should be a non-factor. Unless they share children, she is still his best friend or she is actively trying to sabotage your relationship, you should never give any of his exes a second thought. More than likely, she’s probably not thinking about you – and if she is, let her be the only one who’s crazy.

And if you’re one of those women who makes all of your thoughts and feelings known on social media, don’t do it where his ex is concerned. There might be a chance that she or any of their mutual friends are paying attention to you on social media too, and you don’t want to give his ex the satisfaction of knowing that she’s taking up residence in your mind. By hating her, she’s winning – whether she knows you hate her or not – so keep his ex off your mind and her name out of your mouth (and IG feed).

Lastly, don’t speak any vitriol towards her to your man. She is his ex for a reason and you don’t want to give him the idea that he traded his crazy ex for an even crazier girlfriend. If you hate her because she hurt him and broke his heart, just make sure you don’t make the same mistakes and do the same thing. Focus all of your attention on him, not his ex – and live and love your life.

Confessions Of A Recovering Overlover

July 2nd, 2015 - By Deja Jones
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Shutterstock

Back in January, I decided it was a new year, and I would revisit my search for love. While everyone else was writing down their resolutions and goals for the year, a friend suggested that I write down all the qualities I wanted in a man. So I got to it. I wrote down everything that I wanted and not the superficial stuff like money, cars–you know, things that I would work for and get myself. I wanted things deeper than surface junk. I was looking for someone to spiritually connect with, someone to learn from and grow with. So I wrote down my list of qualities, spoke them into the atmosphere, and drilled them into my mind.

Things went downhill from there.

For most women, we have a list of standards that we would like to see come to fruition in a man. But then again, we also don’t know what we want until we actually get it, so the list is constantly changing. In my case, I started to realize that I give love, at first sight, a whole new meaning. I tend to fall too soon and easily for a part of someone before I get to know the whole them. What’s crazy is at 25, I find myself single, but with a full list of men in my corner. I’ve either gotten tired of them, or they just weren’t for me according to my standards. I was trying to create a voodoo man who didn’t exist in real life. You see, I was falling in love with specific qualities and traits and then allowing myself to catapult head over heels in a short time frame. But when reality set in and I noticed some things I didn’t like, I was easing my way out the door.

I wanted longevity, something stable and comfortable, and when I finally found that I lost myself in it for six years. In love and planning a life with someone, but having no idea of who I was. I wanted a creative and artistic guy who understood my lifestyle, and when I got that, I fell in love within the first month. Within the first three months, we were having conversations that people who’ve been together for three years weren’t even having. Things got serious between us really quickly, but as time went on I realized I wasn’t able to handle his baggage like I thought I could. It was emotionally taxing and he just wouldn’t let me in.

One thing I’ve realized is that hurt changes people. You either become cold and closed off to the idea of love or you’re left wide open, vulnerable and wearing your heart on your sleeve. My heart was on my exposed on my sleeve and in the midst of not wanting to be lonely and desiring love,  I didn’t realize I was neglecting the one person who I needed to be loving on the most: myself. I also learned that there were two important factors needed in my life that I was missing, and that was time and patience.

I have since learned that there are ways to take things slow. And by taking things slowly, I mean to actually date and get to know someone before allowing the big emotions to get involved. Here a few tips.

Establish a clear foundation

Just to be clear, it is important to know that love won’t happen overnight. A relationship won’t successfully come into form overnight. Allow yourself some time to get to know this person. Establish a clear understanding of what you’re looking. If you want something serious, be upfront about that. I’ve learned that the most common line we use is “Well, I’m not looking for anything serious, but if it happens I’m not opposed to it.” It’s our safety net, but it’s a corny safety net. Just be real. If you are looking for something serious, say that. If not, then say that as well. We can’t predict the future, but having a clear understanding of our paths is important when it comes to navigating the dating world before we end up falling head over heels for any and every guy.

Hang out with him in different settings

People act a different way in different places.  People react to things differently depending on where they’re at and who they’re with, so getting that well-rounded view into their social lives is important. You might not like how they handle conflict or how they speak to people, and that will definitely keep you from falling in love too fast. I once dated a guy who was very rude to employees at places where he was was being serviced, including at restaurants and in checkout lines.

Check them out on social media

In the world of social media, you can create any life or story for yourself and fool anyone who doesn’t know you. But I believe that nothing is a lie. What you post says a lot about how you think and what you’re into. If you’re always posting pictures of yourself with a drink, I’m going to assume you drink a lot. It’s the same assumption with cigarettes, weed, and other things. Even though I don’t think our lifestyles have to be the exact same, they should agree or at least complement each other.

Take off the detective hat and let life happen

If you’re looking for something to go wrong, it most likely will. Once the nitpicking starts, everything becomes a problem. You’ll spend so much time looking for what’s wrong with a guy and what you don’t like about them to the point where you won’t be able to appreciate what’s right.