All Articles Tagged "relationships"
For all the good that Akon is doing in the world, he’s made some really ignorant and misogynistic comments about women and relationships. I’m not talking about his stance on polygamy. (He’s been quoted as saying that one woman could never satisfy any man. And reportedly has several wives.) That’s likely cultural and even influenced by his religion. What I’m speaking about are his thoughts on women in general.
After the BET Awards, the super producer sat down with “Hollywood Today,” to explain his original 2013 comments about men being natural breeders.
Garcelle Beauvais asked Akon if he still believed that. Not only does he still believe it, he took his comments a step further.
“Just think of life, why is that every woman in the world is going through the exact same problem with a man. Just think about it. It’s not a coincidence. It’s who we are. I always believed that if women took the time to understand men, you literally would run the world. The only reason why we’re more dominant is because we know more about women than women know about men. Think about it, we’re outnumbered 15-1, they’re clearly smarter than we are. And you execute a lot quicker and faster than we do. So, how is that we run the world?
Garcelle: It has to do with our hearts though, we fall for you guys and then if you’re natural breeders, you’re breeding all over the place.
Akon: That’s my point. Think about any other species in the world. Let’s say a Lion, for instance. You have male lion, he goes out in the jungle, he does what he does and comes back. You think the female lion, *makes clawing, scratching noise* she can care less. Because she understands that’s the natural cause of what the male lion does. She’s going to sit there with the cubs, nurture them and protect their area. But of course society with these rules and how things work, we create rules without taking nature into account.
There’s so much to say here. First, while we human beings are animals, I do hope that Akon recognizes the difference between us and lions. There is a distinction between us, animals who can reason and empathize, whose existence is more than survival and finding our next meal, and other species.
But more than anything, it’s Akon’s claim that men know more about women than they know about us, that perturbed me the most. I’m sure this has a lot to do with the fact that it’s simply not true. Men, as the privileged dominant group in society, don’t have to know anything about women in order to be successful in this world. And from my experience with men, of all types, it’s very clear that there’s a lot they could learn. A whole lot, from the way we communicate to the way we interpret the world around us, to our daily experiences walking down the street, men don’t know what it’s like to experience this type of disenfranchisement in the world, so they have very limited access to our shared experiences.
And I also thought it was really cute how Akon ignored the religious and societal structures set in place, millennia ago, to keep women from running the world. It’s 2016 and we’re still fighting for equal pay. Women still have to worry about job security when they have to leave work to bring another human life into the world. We’re still debating whether or not there should be a charge or tax on feminine hygiene problems. To me, it’s the equivalent of saying based on the strength, the population and the resources of Africa, Black people should be running the world by now. Right. It sounds true in theory, until you consider the ways in which Europeans colonized the continent, stripped it of its resources and kidnapped and shipped millions of people to work as slaves in an entirely different part of the world. There’s levels to this sh-t. And only someone from a position of privilege would look down on women, dismiss all of the forces working against them, and say something as ignorant as ‘If only you understood us and our doggish ways, you’d be better off.’
You can watch Akon’s interview in the video below. His comments start around the 2:40 mark.
When you’re really in love, sometimes you appreciate and adore some of the strangest things about your partner. From there unkempt head to their hammertoe. You don’t necessarily think it’s the best thing since sliced bread, but you can accept and appreciate the most interesting of things. One study actually said that when our feelings get really deep, women even love the way their partner smells after the gym.When you’re head over heels in love, almost everything about your partner is amazing. No matter what it is, you can’t get enough of it. The fact that he loves these things about you, even when you’re not at your best, is a sign that he’s just as sprung on you. Don’t even think about fretting over the following.
There’s no struggle quite like shaking off a crush while you’re still in feeling it. You were hoping he would feel the same way you do, but instead, he just wasn’t that into you after all. No worries, it happens to the best of us. You’ve sworn off texting him and deleted him from your social media. But it’s going to take longer to delete him from your mind.
Any missed connection can ding our self-esteem. The key to getting through it is to remind yourself that every ending is really a beginning. And getting over what “we” could have been and getting back to “me” can teach you some very important lessons. It’s cool. You will get over it. And these things will help.
You don’t have to go to church to learn the rewards of celibacy. Migrate on over to your social media world and you’ll find couples like Ciara and Russell and Meagan and DeVon promoting the power of “the wait,” while showcasing their happily ever afters to their millions of followers. From afar you can’t help but to admire – but from the inside looking in, it ain’t as easy as it looks. Most celibacy stories (or the ones I know) hold the same narrative. Two people with differing pasts, come together, fall in love, and stay true to their devotion of saving sex for marriage. Though they proclaim it’s a struggle, temptation never seems to successfully sway them from their path.
For some, particularly my friends, abstinence is a foggy concept. In a sex-driven society, it’s hard to envision the benefits of holding out, especially when you’ve found Mr. Right. Before pledging celibacy, I succumbed to years of running away from the sexual restrictions I felt Christianity had on me. Run as far as I might, guilt was always trailing one step behind. It was like a nagging mother screaming at me to do right, when I clearly wanted to do wrong. I had relations and relationships that didn’t survive due to this guilt, and it continued to follow me right on into my current relationship.
I entered this relationship with the same sexual momentum and freedom, only to consistently cry myself to sleep at night. Though I tried to disguise it, I couldn’t help but feel like I was living a double life — glorifying God by day but battling the devil by night. When I confessed this to my boyfriend, he comforted my internal battles but didn’t quite understand them. He was re-establishing his own relationship with God, starting to develop a healthy prayer life and become more active in church, so I didn’t want to lay any additional pressures on him. It was important that I allowed him to grow on his own terms, even if it required me to silently suffer. Many open conversations and prayers led up to what I call, Revelation Day. One early morning at work, distracted by my spirit, I called him.
“Listen Damion, I love you and you know that but either we both work on refraining from sex, or I have to be okay with letting you go,” were the exact words that came tumbling boldly out of my mouth.
Immediately, post ultimatum, I was set free and no longer swallowed whole in fear – that crippling fear of potentially losing someone you love. After just seven months together, I questioned and prayed for my boyfriend to one day be open to this drastic lifestyle change. More than anything, I wanted this for us, and to plant our feet on solid ground. After prior attempts at taking relationships into my own hands, it was time to one in the hands of God. It was time for me to start trying to take my Christianity seriously with the man that my soul grew to love.
On the other end of that phone call, I held my breathe. I was certain that his response would only ache and break me deeper, though I was prepared. This wasn’t the first time I’ve hinted at halting our sex life, but it was the very first time that I meant it.
“I’ve been praying about this, and Nikki… I’m ready,” he responded. Those words. Those freaking words. See, that’s the thing about those storybook celibacy stories – God can shift your relationship at any time. When I thought my relationship could be potentially tainted and “unequally yoked,” God moved us to the next level together. We just don’t hear enough about the relationships that start fresh mid-way; the ones who have already dabbled in sexual sin but together make a beautiful sacrifice for their faith; or even the relationships that occasionally backslide but are committed to overcoming.
To abruptly shift gears and set a new tone in a relationship is an obstacle that requires a higher level of faith and discipline that a year later, we still occasionally struggle with. To be honest, we’ve messed up a few times over the course of our commitment. What keeps us aiming to get it right is our belief in God’s forgiveness, love and mercy. I no longer condemn myself for my mistakes. I just choose not to, but I’m not settling in them either.
My story hasn’t ended yet and I don’t know where this road will take us. It’s possible that temptation can one day consume us (again), but it’s also possible that I can be happily married a year from now having successfully fulfilled our commitment to God. There’s power in trying no matter the hiccups. What I’ve learned from my experience is that it’s never too late to start over, pick up the pieces or redirect the path of your relationship. Never.
Serious question: how do you feel about your number? Do you keep the real digit to yourself or does your BFF know too? Have you told your significant other the real truth or the number you arrive at when you divide by two? And how do you feel about someone after they’ve told you theirs?
Well, whether you think your number is big or small, share it or take it to your grave, you’re not alone. We’ve researched everything there is to know about your number and found out what most of us already guessed: some of us lie about it, some of us are proud of it, and other people judge you for it.
We also found out some things we never would have guessed. Like how your number affects your marriage prospects, and how it isn’t the only thing that can put your sexual health at risk!
My best friend called me with a dilemma this afternoon. Yesterday, her 14-year-old mentee sent her a video message crying, saying that she’d broken up with her boyfriend. She wasn’t able to talk on the phone, but after sending my friend texts of the relationship-ending conversation she had with her boyfriend, she wanted only one question answered: How do you get over heartbreak?
That question proved as equally perplexing for my friend to answer as it was to be the person seeking said knowledge. My friend began to beat herself up as she realized at more than twice her mentee’s age, she wasn’t sure she’d found the key to mending a broken heart herself. I, too, drew a blank. Though my bestie and I certainly had enough experience to be authorities on the subject, for the most part, the only thing we’ve become experts at is coping — and not always in the healthiest ways — but actually getting over heartbreak? How does one do that? And is the answer that much different for a girl of 14 versus a woman of 30-something?
“I’m not sure you ever get over heartbreak,” I posited after swallowing the hard pill that wine was neither the answer for my friend’s mentee or for us, though we’d tried our hardest over the years to make it so. “I think a breakup is like the death of a loved one,” I added. “It always stays with you, but you find ways to move forward in spite of it.” Though I had no doubt the words I spoke would be of little comfort to a teenage girl experiencing her first heartbreak, I believed what I said. Our heartbreaks always stay with us. When you’ve faced the pain head on and moved forward, they’re called memories; when you’ve buried the hurt and continued to relive the experience over and over again, it’s called baggage.
But that was a discussion for another day. We weren’t talking about a grown woman who’d lived long enough to know there were better days ahead, we were talking about a young girl who wanted answers — and relief — right away. On the spot, all I could come up with was what I meant to be a comforting fact: there are many more experiences for this girl to have and one day she’ll look back on this one relationship and see why things didn’t work out, and that that was for the best. It wasn’t exactly the kind of thought that would immediately dry up tears on a soaked pillow, but I can personally attest to the peace that comes over one’s soul when they see the path the object of their unrequited affection has taken in life and how detrimental that journey would be to their own. But again, that little tidbit would likely do nothing to to assure a budding woman that one day she wouldn’t always feel like she does now.
And so, I want to pose this question to you. Women, who’ve experienced at least one heartbreak in their life and lived to talk about it. What would you tell a 14-year-old girl about heartbreak?
If he hasn’t proved that he’s serious about you, should you get serious about him?
Once upon a time, making it official was as easy as circling “yes” or “no” on a “will you be my girlfriend” note in third period. But now that middle school is over, deciding whether or not to make a commitment is a little more complicated.
Just because a man asks you to take things to the next level doesn’t mean that he’s ready to (or worthy of you). So how can you tell if you should say “yes, please” or “maybe later?” If your relationship hasn’t passed these major milestones, it may be a sign that you should pass.
A man who hasn’t done these things to prove that he’s ready may not be, even if he thinks he is. So don’t go calling him your man just yet.
If you have a good partner on your hands, he knows exactly what it takes to make you feel special: flowers, jewelry, and a copy of that book you said you’ve been wanting to read.
But when is the last time you did something special for the good man in your life? If the answer is “I can’t remember…” you’re not alone. Men can seem so easy to please that it’s easy to overlook ways to do something extra special every now and then.
However, when he’s gone the extra mile, it’s always nice to go the distance, too. With that being said, we’ve put together a list of little things that are sure to put a smile on the face of a man who really deserves it.
What do you do for your man when you want him to feel special? Share your strategies with us in the comment section.
We all know that food can be an aphrodisiac that gets people in the mood. Chocolate, strawberries, and whipped cream have a long history of getting the party started in the bedroom. But some foods are not so sensual, and we’re not just referring to the ones that give you garlic breath and bad gas late at night.
Some foods actually lower your sex drive. Have them before a dinner date and you might find yourself less excited about those moves he’s trying to make on you. Eat them all of the time in a long-term relationship, and you might find that your favorite snack could be the reason you and your partner don’t get as close as you used to when the lights go out.
If you want to give your libido a boost, it may be time to cut these foods out of your diet for the time being, or at least eat less of them.
Any woman who has been on a date in the past few years has asked herself the question: “Why is it so hard to find a good man?” Date enough men who seem like they wouldn’t be a good fit for anyone and the question just so happens to pop up. Are all of the good men in hiding or are you the only one having trouble finding them?
Well, we’ve talked to lots of women and we’ve discovered that the problem isn’t us. Every woman has experienced the struggle because it is hard to find a good man now more than ever. But once you know what’s standing in your way from finding one, it’s easier to know where to look.
Now we want to know how you found your good man. Did you follow these rules? Or did you find your significant other in a surprising place? Share your story with us in the comment section.