All Articles Tagged "relationships"

What To Do When Your Man Starts Taking You For Granted

April 24th, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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Taking You For Granted

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Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t recognize how wonderful you are every day and show you that they recognize it every day. A guy isn’t necessarily a bad guy if he begins to take you for granted—unfortunately, you might have conditioned him to be that way, by being too available and easy-going. So, if it’s time to undo that conditioning, here’s what will have to be done.

 

Now You See Him, Now You Don’t: 15 Reasons Men Disappear On You

April 23rd, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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Reasons Men Disappear

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You think you’ve got it figured out. You think you’re pretty good at detecting when a guy is into you, and you know you don’t act too clingy so you believe there should be no surprises in dating. But then one day you experience your first vanishing act—a guy who was committing more and more to you every day, but then one day disappeared, never to be heard of again. Confused? Here are a few reasons men disappear.

In The Meantime: The Best Friend Who Should’ve Been Your Man Pt. 2

April 22nd, 2014 - By Erica RivaFlowz Buddington
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Source: 20th Century Fox

Source: 20th Century Fox

Editor’s Note: Read part 1 of “The Best Friend Who Should’ve Been Your Man here. 

A whole summer and a semester would pass by, before I saw Aaron again. Focused on the start of school and immersing ourselves into new friends and a new major, we spent less time catching up. Infrequent Facebook messages were sent and we spent more time becoming the new person you were allowed to be, once you set foot on a campus.

Aaron became a marching band hunk, giving new meaning to the name ‘drum major.’ I became a literary fiend, soaking up the knowledge of my professors and all the books the library had to offer. It wasn’t until halfway through our second semester that Aaron finally called.

“Hey love, how are you?”

“I’m great! Writing like crazy, just started a blog.”

“I saw that! I read a few of your posts. I’m so proud of you, you’ve come a long way from journal entries.”

“Yessir. How are you?”

“I’m great! Band is going everywhere, so I’m rarely on campus. Listen, we’re playing your school next week. I’ll be there for two days. We should see one another.”

I was suddenly way too excited, “That’s a great idea. Send me the details.”

I hung up the phone and plopped down into my twin-sized dorm bed. There’d been an abundance of almost-men at school. They were all interesting and there were a few that caught my attention. However, I couldn’t keep my mind off of Aaron.

The week went by quickly. I spent my mornings in class, gazing out of windows, wondering what our reunion would be like.

Would he kiss me, upon seeing me?

Would it be high school all over again; just friendship and regret?

Would we profess our love for one another?

Would his eyes tell it all?

I was 18, but still found myself scrawling his name in my notebook as these thoughts crossed my mind. I was anxious. I wanted the love that my mother and father so often spoke of.

 

Puppy love.

Parents approve love.

Simple love.

Love that knows where it belongs.

Love that waits and wants.

Love that sacrifices.

Love that mends and breaks and mends again.

 

He called early on a Saturday morning to tell me that he’d arrived. I threw on my best spring dress, fluffed my fro, and made a mad dash out of the door. I arrived at his hotel and he came down to meet me in the lobby. We talked for hours, while visitors walked in and out and admired the two teens swapping smiles.

Eventually he asked, “Did you want to come up to the room and watch a movie or something?”

I was suddenly uneasy. Where was this going?

“Sure.”

We took the elevator up, suddenly quiet and aware that we were no longer hanging in our parent’s abode. He opened the door to the double bed room and I walked in, intentionally sitting on a chair positioned near the window.

He turned on the television, “What do you want to watch?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He smiled nervously and spoke again, “Come over here.”

I moved from the chair, to the bed, and sat next to him.

“Better?”

I smiled back, “I guess.”

 

After three reruns of Martin, he turned to face me and kiss me. This wasn’t like our kiss, right before we left for school. It was urgent, hungry, and passionate. I’d never shared this with anyone else. After several minutes of this and a heat that seemed to permeate the room, I broke from the kiss and excused myself to the bathroom.

The thoughts were rampant:

1)   Is this going to be my first time?

2)   Is Aaron special enough?

3)   Oh shoot, I wore spanx.

4)   Do I take them off now?

5)   Condoms. Condoms. Condoms.

6)   I’m sure he has them.

7)   Wait…is that a curling iron?

8)   & a pack of maxi pads?

9)   Is there a girl with him?

 

I bolted out of the bathroom, while Aaron sat up quickly. He’d know from years of friendship, when I was pissed off.

“Everything okay?”

I rolled my eyes, “Is there a girl here with you?”

“Yeah, but she’s a friend. We’re just rooming, because it’s cheaper.”

I was furious, “Right. They don’t even allow men and women to room together for marching band.”

“That’s why we’re not staying where the band is.”

“I’m sure.”

 

I grabbed my things, bolted out the door, and heard him yell for me to come back. I didn’t know if Aaron was telling the truth. I really didn’t care. The moment was reminiscent of all our greetings. Our next years went by like a montage. Every moment we spent together in those years seemed like he was trying to make up for his ’mistakes.’ He’d come up one summer, while I was interning at a school and paid for my students to have a pizza party, just so we could talk. I was dating someone at the time; he was not. I went down to visit him one summer; he had some car trouble and was unable to meet me. I ended up hanging with another friend, instead.

We found ourselves always on the cusp of rekindling our friendship and avoiding the flames. I blamed him, he blamed himself, we sometimes blamed one another.

He called a few weeks ago, “How are you?”

I was working late, at the office, and the sound of his voice brought back simpler times.

“I’m good. How are you?”

“Not great. Just broke up with another one of these southern belles. I think I’m more cut out for a city girl.”

I laughed, “We were never good enough for you Louisiana.”

He smiled, “Nah. I was never good enough for one.”

 

“Don’t start.”

“I’m not. In fact, I never could. It’s either you or me, what’s the excuse this time?”

“I’m kind of seeing someone…”

“When are we ever both single?”

“I know…”

He interrupted, “I hope this one works out. Wish me luck too, because I know you will. Let’s cycle and repeat.”

I sighed into the phone, because I knew he was right. However, I couldn’t drop everything just because he’d come to another realization.

He read my mind, “It’s different this time E. We’re getting older. You’re not that girl who’s crushing and I’m not that guy who’s running. I want it, as bad as you do.”

 

Two of my afterschool students walked by my door, hurriedly. The ‘couple’ walked quickly to their lockers, ready to rid themselves of the school. They reminded me of Aaron and I, at that age. My emails started to chime, beckoning my attention. Security phoned that it was time to go.

I responded to Aaron, “We’re not kids anymore. It’s much more complex.”

I hung up, as he spoke again, “Is it really?”

“RivaFlowz” is an educator and professional writer living in New York City. You can follow her on Twitter: @rivaflowz or read more of her work on her blog

Serious Question: Am I A Serial Killer If I Had Multiple Abortions?

April 22nd, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Shutterstock

 

From HelloBeautiful 

I was 16-years-old when I had my first abortion.

I remember nervously pacing down Park Avenue in New York city, barely able to function because I was suffering from severe morning sickness and dehydration (you’re not allowed to eat or drink after 12am the night before the procedure). Outside the hidden Manhattan doctor’s office were a group of hecklers, toting signs with bloody and dismembered fetuses on it. If I had eaten in the last few hours, I would have easily thrown up. I kept walking straight past the entrance, fearful they’d peg me as a patient and attack. I made it half way down the block where I found enough courage to turn back and face the angry lobbyist. They pushed pamphlets at me and yelled things I’ve buried so deep, I couldn’t repeat if I tried. Did you know your baby has a heartbeat at 22 days? I guess that’s if you classify the fetus as such. I didn’t. I just thought of it as a bundle of cells, an embryo. In my mind it wasn’t a baby just yet even though I was somewhere around 4 months along.

Abortion is not uncommon in the United States. 3 out of 10 women in the U.S. have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old. Depending on the length of the pregnancy, a woman can either have the pregnancy surgically removed in a clinic or opt for “medical abortion,” which is the term for taking the mifepristone pill (called RU-486 when it was being developed) up to 9 weeks into their pregnancy. An in-clinic abortion costs anywhere between $300$950 in the first trimester (women can get abortions up to 24-weeks), while the pill can be taken up to 9 weeks into the pregnancy. Prices for the pill cost $300–$800.

I recently stumbled across a meme on Instagram that called women who’ve had multiple abortions serial killers. I’ve never been offended by a post on Instagram, but on that day, I took it to heart. I’ve had five abortions in total, three surgical and two non-surgical (the pill). I never thought I would have so many. When I was just 16, there was another girl my age in the doctor’s office who had six and I looked at her like she was crazy. I judged her…then turned into her.

Read more about this personal story at HelloBeautiful.com 

 

‘What Are You Saying?’ Taraji P. Henson Offers Clarity On Comment About Being Done With American Men

April 22nd, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: WENN

Source: WENN

“From The Rough” actress Taraji P. Henson recently appeared on “The Wendy Show,” where she opened up regarding her preference for men of other cultures.

“I’m dating. The thing is that I’m done — I can’t say that I’m totally done with American men, but I’m very excited about my finds over [Wendy: In Europe where the Counts are?].”

“You know what it is? I think there’s a cultural difference with men from other countries,” Henson explained. “They are not as bitter and jaded and closed up as a lot of the men here.”

Though she made it clear that her preference for men of other cultures in no way meant that she was not interested in American men, some believed that her comments were dismissive of Black men. The single mother recently took advantage of an opportunity to clarify her statement.

“I was misquoted. They [media] said I was done with Black men,” she told HipHollywood. “I have a Black son, what are you saying, what does that mean?”

“I said that I have started dating other cultures, so it was a celebration of other cultures and not a put down of my own,” she continued. “That’s stupid. Why would I say I’m done with Black men. That’s dumb.”

As for what advice she’d offer single women who are looking for love, Taraji says:

“Broaden your spectrum.”

Well, that’s that.

Watch a clip from interview below.

Signs You’re In The Right Relationship

April 21st, 2014 - By Ashley Page
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Signs You're In The Right Relationship

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Happy relationships don’t get talked about enough, so let’s start. Say you’ve been dating a man for a few months now and though you feel it’s right, you’ve still got all sorts of questions running through your mind about whether or not this relationship is the one for you. We’re here to help. Here are 14 signs you’re in the right relationship.

7 Things Men Are Secretly Terrified Of In Relationships

April 21st, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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7 Things Men Are Secretly Terrified Of In Relationships

Source: Shuttterstock

Want to know what really terrifies men about relationships? It’s not always the stereotypical “having one sex partner for the rest of life” issue—even a man who is great at monogamy and ready to be emotionally open will still be afraid of these 7 things.

Straight From His Mouth: What Determines When He’ll Reconcile With His Ex?

April 21st, 2014 - By Dr. J
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Reconcile With His Ex

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In a perfect world, when a couple goes through a hard time and has to make a decision as to whether their relationship is worth continuing, they decide that it is. However, that’s not really what happens. The reality is people usually take breaks, they date other people, and focus solely on themselves for a bit, and it’s not until they “feel” like it that they get back together. I’ll tell you up front, both men and women do this. I’ve seen a guy wait around for over a year while a woman sorted her life (and loins) out.

As it pertains to men, after the breakup that reconciliation period or time away from the relationship is their time to “live.” When you break up you not only want to fix your relationship but yourself too. Relationships can be taxing on other parts of your life and that can lead to you dropping the ball on other things. For example, when you’re in a relationship you may have put that business plan or great book idea to the side to focus on your relationship. After the breakup you may want to reconcile, but first you think you’ll be much happier in that relationship if you are able to get your business up and running.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when a guy knows that reconciliation is an option, but he spends a long time dilly dallying around with other women. He’s on a relationship vacation. This can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. On one hand, you want a guy to get all that out of his system before getting back in a relationship. (That’s if it’s possible for him to get it out of his system.) On the other hand, you don’t want a guy who wants to have a bunch of fun with Lord knows who and then get back with you when he’s ready. This is why a relationship (and a breakup) has to be a mutually agreed upon thing and both people have to go into it that way.

There are a few ways to handle this situation if you’re the woman on the end of this breakup. For one, you are more than entitled to live your life and sow your royal oats too. Fair exchange is no robbery. He can’t get mad at you for dating other guys when he’s dating other girls and it may even inspire him to get himself together. You can also go back to him and give him an ultimatum. (Just don’t ever call it an ultimatum and be careful how you deliver this ultimatum because nobody likes ultimatums.) You can tell him that you want him to make a decision because you’re not going to leave the offer on the table indefinitely. That it’s more about you and your feelings than it is about forcing him to be with you when he will be unhappy. Between the two of these plans I would recommend that you do something in the middle.

I recommend that when you’re not together, you decide to just not be together. You don’t talk, you don’t communicate, when you’re ready to get back together you get back together. However, when you’re not you’re not. You can date other people, or you cannot date other people. Whatever you do, just don’t do it together. Don’t try and hangout with each other or be friends, that’s not possible and it will likely lead to a long break period. Do not sleep with one another because you need the sex and don’t want to have it with anyone else. This will result in feelings being exchanged that can complicate the situation even more. I guess what I’m recommending is that a breakup be a break up and a relationship be a relationship. Eliminate the middle ground and this will be less confusing.

Diamond Alleges That Lil’ Scrappy Abused Her During Their Relationship

April 18th, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: Instagram

Source: Instagram

At the start of “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta,” Lil’ Scrappy led viewers to believe that his ex-girlfriend, Diamond, abandoned him during a time that he needed her the most. However, according to Diamond, the reality star had been physically abusive to her during her relationship, which is what pushed her to leave.

“He was mentally abusive, physically abusive,” the former Crime Mob rapper recently told The Breakfast Club. “We fought, like you ain’t beatin’ my a**. Yeah, he got some issues. Some demons, he needs some help.”

“He has bad spending problems,” she continued. “I think you, you know, people go through phases. I think we’re better off as friends. I don’t want to try to continue to be in a relationship and we end up not liking each other; hating each other. I just want people to know we’re not together.”

Unsurprisingly, Diamond admits that she bumped heads with the two women who probably play the biggest roles in Scrappy’s life: his mother and his daughter’s mother, Erica. While there are rumors that Erica and Diamond got into a physical altercation at one point, Diamond says they never actually hit one another.

“Nah, we got into it before but we never fought.”

As for Momma Dee, the “Sisterhood of Hip Hop” star blames her for ruining her credit.

“I got his mother an apartment—that she trashed and messed up my credit at one point in time, terrorized. I co-signed for her a condo.”

Considering all that she has been through with Scrappy, Erica and Momma Dee, her addition to the “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” cast would’ve made for extremely interesting TV. However, Diamond says she could tell from the beginning that appearing on the show wouldn’t be a good look.

“They was using our names for ratings. I had a meeting. I wanted to see what it was about, you know as a businesswoman. It wasn’t really going with the whole plan of my music career. I don’t think it was a good look for me. I wanted to focus on what I had going on in my life currently, they wanted to focus on what happened in the past.”

Contrary to popular belief, Diamond also revealed that she and Soulja Boy are no longer together.

“I’m single. We been broke up. Y’all need to catch up. Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell hang out together all the time. We do business together.”

Watch her full interview on the next page. Do you think you’ll be checking out “Sisterhood of Hip Hop”?

Dating Truths No One Likes To Talk About

April 18th, 2014 - By Ashley Page
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Dating is one of those things that most people have a love/hate relationship with. While it can be fun to meet new people and go out on exciting dates with attractive men, dating isn’t all unicorns and sprinkles. Here are 14 dating truths that no one likes to talk about.

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