All Articles Tagged "relationships"

Times You’re Most Likely To Meet Someone

August 25th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Remember when announcing that you met your significant other online still raised an eyebrow or two? Now it seems like everyone is swiping their way to happily ever after. But while it feels as though everyone has a Tinder account, meeting and getting to know people the old-fashioned way, a.k.a., out in the world, is still in style. And when you’ve been swiping left a lot more than right, it’s always good to get a little reminder that there’s another option than what’s available through an app. Keep your eyes and air open and you never know where you might meet someone.

The Brave Woman’s Guide To Sliding Into DMs

August 25th, 2016 - By Patia Braithwaite
Share to Twitter Email This

The Best Opening Lines To Use On Dating Apps

Shutterstock

As an elderly millennial, I’ve picked up the art of traditional flirting. I’m not saying I’m good at it, but I can force myself to touch a man’s shoulder or laugh at his stupid jokes if I have to. That said, we’ve approached a new age: the age of the direct message, otherwise known as the DM. If you’re on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram, you are familiar with the private message — a place to send notes and pictures that the public can’t see.

I’ve heard that things go down in the DM, but up until recently, I had no firsthand knowledge of such happenings. Sadly, I haven’t mastered the art of sliding into anyone’s social media inbox, but after brunch one weekend (all bad ideas stem from bottomless mimosas),  I decided to direct message an old thot flame on Facebook. (Is it even called DMs on Facebook? I don’t know.)
“I’m sliding into your DMs,” I proclaimed triumphantly.
“Oh,” he responded. “Okay…”
There was silence before he added, “Snapchat me that pu**y if it’s….cool.”
I, too lame to realize he was quoting a song, was astounded by his forwardness. “Who does he think I am? Do people really Snapchat their vaginas if its…cool?” I thought to myself. “Is there an appropriate filter for these pictures?” Mortified and caught without a witty rebuttal, I closed my chat inbox and swore to never contact him again.  He already had my phone number though, and he text me a few days later.
Everything sort of worked out from there, I guess.
While I initially thought I’d bury this humiliating ordeal in the recesses of my mind, it occurred to me that my experience might help other women. Thus, I’ve asked a few of my favorite men for some tips on how to artfully slide into someone’s inbox. I now humbly share the process with you:
Step 1: Establish Rapport
As it turns out, sliding into one’s DMs works greatly when there is forward momentum. Whatever the social media platform, start off by liking a few posts/pictures. As most of you know, every time you like a picture, the person gets a notification. If you do this for a few days or so, you’re suddenly on the person’s radar.  Pro tip: spread your “likes” over a few days. It’s creepy to log into your account and see someone has liked 40 of your pictures in 12 minutes.
Step 2: Up the Ante
Once you’ve started liking pictures, you can up the ante by adding a comment. One of the guys I talked to suggested compliments that pertain to a particular picture. If your person has a gym picture (a.k.a., a thirst trap), you can compliment his body. If you’re feeling a little less aggressive, you can compliment something less eh…explicit. Maybe he posted a dope sunset or a clever meme. You can shower praise on it, and hopefully your would-be boo will say “thanks.”
Step 3: Slide in the DMs (With a Question)
So the guy has already noticed you in his mentions. He’s probably responded to your comments under his pictures. Now, you just slide into his inbox with a question relevant to his feed. If he has a million pictures from his trip to Philly, you can ask him how the cheese steaks were. The key is to start a private conversation, and BOOM! You just slid into the DMs like a ninja. Pro tip: Steer clear of yes or no questions. Open-ended questions give you more to work with.
Once you’ve started the conversation, the rest is familiar territory. However, if you’re still worried, take comfort in this: My awkward stumble into the DMs did yield a date. The sheer ridiculousness of my experience hints at something ALL of the men I talked to said explicitly: If a person finds you even remotely attractive, it doesn’t really matter how artfully you slide in.  Take your chance, kick down the door of the DMs, and give it your best shot.
The odds are in your favor.
(Special thanks to the gentlemen who contributed to this piece, especially @torres1pr. Ladies, if you want to practice your slide, I’m sure he would be down.)
Patia Braithwaite is a New York City-based writer. You can find her at www.menmyselfandgod.com, or sliding into some DMs on Instagram & Twitter @pdotbrathw8.

Ways To Get Him To Do Better

August 22nd, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Being a superwoman can sometimes be a thankless job: You make breakfast, clean up, and make sure he leaves on time for work and other responsibilities. But if you’ve heard a “Thank you” from your significant other in the past few weeks, maybe you missed it, because you can’t remember when it was said. After a while, being taken for granted works on the most patient woman’s last nerve.

While no one likes feeling underappreciated, it’s not always a sign of a bad partner. Sometimes a good man just needs a little reminder and maybe some encouragement for him to do better. Remembering to value each other sometimes takes work. Put a little effort in now and it can pay itself forward in the (near) future.

Before frustration gets in the way of a good thing, try some of the things on this list. Telling someone about themselves is never a comfortable thing, but trying it this way just might help make things better.

Calm Down: Things That Aren’t Going To Happen If You Never Get Married

August 19th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Want to hear a serious question someone wise once told me to ask myself? “Are you afraid of not getting married?”

There are lots of great reasons to get married: because you love someone, because you’re ready to explore another phase in your life, and, of course, because you’re ready. There are also lots of bad reasons to do it. And being afraid of what will happen if you don’t is one of them.

When getting married seems to be what’s expected of you, it’s only natural to be a little worried about what might happen if you don’t follow the lead of others. But many single women find out that their fears about the future were nothing to worry about at all (just like some women who do get married find out that some of their hopes for marriage weren’t as easy to make come true either).

Relationship Issues That Sound Petty But Really Aren’t

August 18th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Should you dump a man who doesn’t brush his teeth as often as he should? Or refuse a second date because he made you go Dutch on the first date?

These relationship issues may sound petty, but they’re actually a big deal. It’s never just about the breath or the money. The truth is that hiding behind these minor issues are major ones. And unless something changes, they can be a sign that things may not work at as hoped.

So before you judge yourself too harshly for wanting to give him the boot, read on to see if your issue is really petty — or if it will be a major issue down the line.

An Alpha Woman’s Guide To Getting In Touch With Your Softer Side

August 17th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Every strong and independent woman knows that being an alpha female can serve you well in life. You’re not afraid to speak up for yourself, make your mark in the world, and get in right where you fit in.

But life is about yin and yang. And sometimes you want to access your softer side — even when it’s tough. Whether you want to ease the tension in your relationship, get along a little better with those who aren’t so bold and confident, or just open up a little bit more, here are a few tips that might help. It’s hard out here for a boss, but it doesn’t always have to be.

15 Women’s Touches That Make Him Want To Move In

August 12th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Have you ever gone to a man’s apartment and immediately imagined the day you might move in? Women aren’t the only ones who fantasize about the day they take their relationship to the next level. And some living spaces say “home” more than others. When a man is serious about a woman, these are the things that make him realize his life needs a woman’s touch — even if he won’t immediately admit it.

He might tease you about the amount of pink in your apartment, or how much you spend on fresh flowers or wine glasses. But even if he does poke fun at these things (sometimes especially if he does) they’re the things he secretly loves about your space.

My Boyfriend Wants Me To Obtain His Permission Before I Change My Hair

August 8th, 2016 - By Theresa Ukpo
Share to Twitter Email This

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

I’ve always been pretty easygoing about my hair. I abhor anything that I perceive to be relatively high maintenance or restricting. I love the versatility of my hair, hence the reason I’ve been natural since 2007. I moved to New York City many moons ago to be closer to my then-boyfriend, and at the time, I had worn my hair natural. He’d seen me in braids, twists and a bevy of other protective styles with my natural hair. Never once did he complain, and in fact, he complimented me often and would occasionally play in my braids.

Fast forward to a few years later. We planned a weekend rendezvous in another city where he was stationed. It had been weeks since we saw each other and the excitement of seeing him was at an all-time high. I decided that it would be a good idea to get gussied up for our dinner date and headed to a salon and completely changed my hair: I got a pixie cut. Everyone thought I looked cute–except for my boyfriend. When he came to pick me up, the look on his face was certainly not what I expected. It was a strange mix of excitement, dread and sadness.

Throughout dinner, he kept mentioning my hair and the fact that I’d cut it. He kept asking why I did it, when I did the cut, and why so short as though I had willfully mutilated myself in some way. It got so bad that he couldn’t bring himself to be intimate with me later that evening. Any other sensible person would’ve probably given him a piece of their mind after such a reaction, but morning came and I wanted to get a better sense of why he felt the way he did.

He said to me that changing my hair was a drastic adjustment. He’d been so used to seeing me with my natural hair, and that was the image he was looking forward to when he picked me up. He then went on to say that I should have asked him before going so short (as I came to find out, he has a thing for long hair that he was trying to work through with me) before worriedly asking, “How long is it going to take to grow back?”

Throughout the course of our relationship, I became very aware of his preferences and subconsciously tailored my hairstyling decisions towards them. I wore longer weaves and braids more often than not, even becoming slightly obsessed with the length retention of my own natural hair. It just seemed like an easier way to avoid a fight. One time I challenged his preferences and said that if he wanted me to wear my hair a certain way, he should sponsor my hair endeavors financially. The argument then turned into one around the idea of women needing to tailor their grooming and beauty habits to appease men’s preferences. You know, on account of that whole “men are visual creatures” and “unless you want to date yourself” way of thinking he (and other men) had going on.

I am way older, and much wiser since I parted ways with that man. I’ve learned to do what feels right and comfortable for me while bucking convention and undue pressure about my hair. Women are visual creatures, too. We like what we like. I have my preferences – I love men with beards. But you will be hard pressed to find me turned off if my significant other decided to switch it up and shave his beard off for a bit. Hair comes and goes, people shouldn’t – not over such insignificant things.

Have any of you been in this situation? Does your boyfriend or girlfriend really get a say in how you wear your hair? Do they factor into your grooming habits?

15 Times It’s Okay To Press Pause On A Diet

August 4th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Everyone who’s ever been on a strict diet can agree on one thing: life is too short to struggle like this all of the time. Healthy eating is an important part of good living. Still, you shouldn’t let your diet get in the way of enjoying yourself from time to time.

When these life events roll around, know that sometimes it’s OK to push pause on a diet plan. In fact, pressing the pause button on any diet can give you the stamina to last longer and eat healthier more consistently. It’s all about finding a balance. So with that being said, don’t be afraid to embrace the following moments today and be proud of your willpower tomorrow.

Let’s Squash The Beef: 10 Things Black Men Shouldn’t Say To Black Women

August 4th, 2016 - By Nneka Samuel
Share to Twitter Email This

Image: Shutterstock

Image: Shutterstock

It’s safe to agree that there are some idioms and outdated ways of thinking that hold us back, both individually and as a people. Similarly, these sayings can reinforce negative stereotypes and drive an unintended wedge between Black men and Black women. None of us want that to happen. And while we can easily flip this list of “10 Things Black Men Should Never Say To Black Women” into a list of “10 Things Black Women Should Never Say To Black Men,” there are certain circumstances that Black women experience more frequently when it comes to dating and relationships. Please note, this slideshow isn’t intended to blindly point fingers at Black men or to blame them for a host of issues that negatively affect Black women in particular. Nor is it directed at all Black men. This merely serves as a reminder that we can and should do better. And though you might have heard some of the items on this list before, they certainly bear repeating so that we can collectively squash them all together.