All Articles Tagged "relationships"

Just Throw It In The Bag! The Do’s And Don’ts Of Commitment

April 15th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

While an initial spark is all it takes for a man to ask you out and crave you sexually, there needs to be something more for him to want to commit to you exclusively. He needs to feel that he can’t wait to make you his and that he can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.

Rather than having “the talk” or giving him ultimatums, wouldn’t it be great if you could create that feeling so that he is the one asking you for a commitment? You can if you practice these simple steps:

1. DON’T keep bringing up the “commitment” discussion.
When you feel anxious or worried about where your relationship is headed, it’s hard to resist wanting to know what he’s thinking.

But constantly trying to talk with him about commitment feels stressful to him and will only make him dig in his heels and retreat — even if he was on the verge of committing all on his own. So, no matter how much you’re dying to know what he’s thinking, resist the temptation to bring up this tender topic.

2. DON’T try convincing him
The more you try to make a case for how great you are as a couple, the more he feels cornered and manipulated. Your reasoning feels like criticism to him and makes him unable to share his true feelings.  That’s certainly not the vibe you want to create in a loving relationship.

A man falls in love when he feels like he can make you happy by being himself and sharing the deepest parts of who he is. By rejecting those parts, you make him feel wrong and cause him to protect his true feelings — and his heart — from connecting with yours.

3. DO share your good feelings
When you feel good with a man, let him know! By opening up and sharing your feelings, you allow him to connect to you and the positive experience you are sharing. It makes him feel good that he makes you feel good, and he’ll want more of that good stuff.

As you continue to lay a stronger foundation of positive feelings, it’s only natural that he will see you as a necessary and beautiful part of his life — and he’ll want to make sure you stay in it.

Read more about commitment at YourTango.com 

Tips For Dating With Depression

April 14th, 2014 - By Ashley Page
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Dating With Depression

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People suffer from depression for all sorts of reasons. From a horrible break up to just a rough patch in life, depression can hit at any time, and for some it’s a never-ending condition they have to cope with every day. If you are dealing with depression, don’t think that dating is out of the question — or that you should hide it from your partner. Here are 14 tips for dating with depression.

I Cheated On My Husband…With Another Woman

April 13th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence

While dropping my son off at day care one morning, a mommy friend invited me to meet her sister who was visiting. I was instantly intrigued by Bianca*, whose high energy, tight clothes and bright colors were a contrast to my slacks, sweats and earth tones. Because she was so much fun, my husband, Julian*, and I quickly formed a friendship with her. I was the family breadwinner, working 60 hours a week while also earning a business degree. Julian and I had been married for three years, and our love was stronger than ever, but the second I got home from work all I could think about was doing laundry, putting my son to bed and preparing for the next day. Bianca was like a breath of fresh air.

I felt young and free as we started to hang out and she shared steamy stories about her dating life. As someone who never felt sexy, I was fascinated. She was constantly telling me I was beautiful, and the compliments grew. One night we were having a drink when she leaned over and told me she loves going down on women. Then she whispered in my ear, “Let me kiss it.”

Finish the story on Essence.com.

How To Decide Whether Or Not To Give Him A Second Chance

April 10th, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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Deciding whether or not to give someone a second chance requires thinking about a lot more than you had to when giving them the first chance. Your pride is involved, and having your heart broken for a second time by the same person is the worst kind of heartbreak. So you need to make sure it’s worth it. Here are 15 questions to ask yourself.

Alan Thicke Comments On Son’s Split From Paula Patton: ‘I Wouldn’t Bet On Them’

April 10th, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: WENN

Source: WENN

For awhile it looked like Robin Thicke and estranged wife, Paula Patton, were definitely going to get back together. But now that nearly two months have passed since Paula announced the separation, chances for a reunion look a bit bleak. Of course, we’re on the outside looking in and who’s to say that the couple isn’t busy privately working things out. However, judging by a recent interview done by Robin’s famous father, Alan, it looks like the couple is still apart.

“They’re doing great [post split] and Robin is pouring himself into the musical artistry,” Alan told ET Canada. “There will be a fabulous album coming out within months… he’s almost finished it.”

When asked if he believes that there is a chance for reconciliation between Robin and Paula, Alan candidly answered that he wasn’t really sure.

“They’re grown ups. I wouldn’t bet on them one way or another.”

As you may recall, back in February Paula Patton issued a statement that the couple would be separating after nearly 10 years of marriage.

“We will always love each other and be best friends, however, we have mutually decided to separate at this time.”

I guess we’ll have to stay tuned to see whether or not the split is really a permanent one.

Longterm Relationship Qualities Every Couple Needs

April 10th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Source: Shutterstock

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From YourTango 

In my years of Buddhist practice, I’ve learned a lot from the four Brahma Viharas, also known as “beautiful qualities” – loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic joy, and equanimity. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to understand that cultivating these qualities can be very beneficial for your relationship. And although it’s especially powerful when both members of a relationship agree to cultivate these qualities together, it can also have a lot of impact when just one person cultivates them.

Loving-kindness is a feeling of benevolence toward another person, and the wish for them to have what they want and need. Relationship expert Stan Tatkin talks about the importance of a “couple bubble,” in which both partners agree to prioritize the needs of the relationship ahead of their individual needs.

Ruth and I create our bubble a little differently, by each holding space for the other person’s needs. For instance, if I want to spend the day with Ruth, but she has something else planned, part of my loving-kindness toward her is feeling glad that she’s doing something she wants to do, even if it wouldn’t have been my own preference.

When Ruth also extends this same kind of loving-kindness toward me, it creates a sense of freedom and well-being in the relationship. For instance, there are days when Ruth wants us to do Conscious Girlfriend work, but she knows I need a day off, and because of loving-kindness, her desire for me to have what I need wins out over her other desire.

Read more about love at YourTango.com 

Criticism Kills Your Relationship: How To Stop It Now

April 8th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

A Simple Antidote to Criticism― Love’s Poison — Stop It. Here’s How…

Over the years, many clients have complained about critical partners and how they feel that their every move is under surveillance. Both men and women suffer the strain of life under a microscope and the stress of intense scrutiny by a partner.

If unaddressed, living with a highly critical and/or judgmental person can be one of the most detrimental relationship dynamics. Unhealthy criticism undercuts the basic cornerstones of good relationships: the feelings of safety and approval. Its corrosive effect often makes vitality or spontaneity impossible.

To survive psychically the criticized, judged partner crawls under a shell of self-protection.  Some develop an intensely defensive personality to shield themselves from the harsh lash of the critical partner. Others hide their “authentic selves” as a protective mechanism, letting out only the part stamped “partner approved”. They may feel the need to shrink their personality to avoid criticism which can result in loss of self.

Another tactic is called “distancing” when a partner surrounds him/herself with a safe buffer zone from which he/she responds as if from afar in a polite way. Friends, work, children, exercise, texts, instant messages, ipads, facebook, screen games, television, books and newspapers can serve as buffers. So can withdrawing and becoming emotionally unavailable. The partner preserves him/her “self” by building a wall to keep the critical partner away.

Read more about criticism and love at YourTango.com 

In The Meantime: Where Was My Love Life At 21?

April 8th, 2014 - By Erica RivaFlowz Buddington
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Note: This dating series will go in and out of parts. Some will address the ghosts of past relationships, others will talk about current situations, and most will give advice. Pay attention to the page breaks; they help you understand the transitions. Find more of the dating series here

Keenon is a young photographer that I met, at one of my events. Eager and ready to prove his worth, he asked me on our first date wasting no time at all. Here’s what happened afterwards.

Present day…

Keenon spent the morning, blowing up my phone, trying to convince me to have breakfast at his grandmother’s house.

It was 7am, on a Saturday.

I’d just finished a 60-hour workweek.

The sleep was still in my eyes.

He begged some more, “She always makes a really big breakfast on Saturdays. You’re a good cook, I know you’d appreciate it.”

“I’ve known you for two weeks. I’m not going to meet your family.”

“Well I’m going to be honest. Freelance wasn’t great this week and it’s probably going to be a while, before I can really take you out.”

I sighed, “We’ll wait then.”

“C’mon! A brother was honest. I’m trying to feed you and besides I already told her about you.”

I was suddenly wide awake, “What? Why would you do that?”

“Because I like you. You’re quality. She’ll be shocked that I’m finally bringing someone around, of your caliber.”

Okay, I’m weak.

I was all over this line.

Caliber

“What time is breakfast?”

“It’s usually around 8:30am. I’ll come get you and I swear you won’t be disappointed.”

I slipped out of bed and my bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor. I couldn’t go back to sleep, if I wanted to. I opened my closet and started rummaging through my look-cute-for-family blouses.

What the hell was I doing?

He was twenty-one.

I was twenty-six.

Where could this possibly go?

____________________________________________

Read the rest of this entry »

Eva Marcille Reportedly Files Restraining Order Against Kevin McCall

April 8th, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: Instagram

Source: Instagram

Just two months after welcoming their baby girl, Marley Rae, Eva Marcille Pigford and boyfriend, Kevin McCall, reportedly found themselves in the middle of a major domestic dispute.

According to TMZ, towards the end of March Pigford and McCall got into a huge argument at their home, which allegedly led to McCall “violently kicking down” four doors in their home and trying to snatch their infant daughter out of Pigford’s arms. It’s unclear what started the argument, but the “America’s Next Top Model” winner reportedly told police that McCall lost it during an argument, chased her around the house and threatened to punch her.

It’s reported that Pigford obtained a restraining order against the Grammy Award-winning writer and producer on Mar. 28, which prohibits him from coming within 100 yards of her. We’re not sure what happened between then and last Friday, but the family appears to be reunited in an Instagram photo (above) that the model and actress shared on Apr. 4.

According to reports, Pigford and McCall have been seeing each other for approximately one year; however, they’ve made it a point to evade quesitons about specfically how long they’ve actually been together. The couple has yet to comment on reports of the protective order.

#LevelsToThis: How To Not Scare Off A Man

April 7th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

Is there anything you can do in the first few dates with a man to make sure he keeps asking you out? Absolutely! Christian Carter gives you a shortcut into the male mind and shows you how to use this information to make the most of those early encounters.

There you are, sitting in front of a new man you’re seeing. Maybe you’re on your third date with him, and you’re wondering what he’s thinking. The chemistry’s good, the conversation is effortless, and you feel like this is the start of something really special. And it definitely could be—if you keep a few things in mind about how men approachdating.

When it comes to dating and commitment, men usually operate on a much different—and slower—time scale than women. Sure, you may meet some guys who will “signal” you out and make their intentions clear with you very quickly. But what you’ll normally encounter is that men take longer to decide when to get serious with one particular woman.

At the beginning, a man is just getting to know you. He needs time to feel comfortable with you, let down his guard, and start seeing you as a part of his life. I know it’s frustrating, but this is normal. Just keeping this in mind will save you a lot of angst when a guy isn’t “moving things along” the way you think he should.

Avoid Jumping To Conclusions & Pushing Him Away

A lot of women don’t approach early dates this way, though—they feel intense chemistry with a man, and they think “this is it.”  So, instead of merely enjoying those first few dates and being present in the moment, they’re already acting like they’re in a relationship. They’re thinking about the future. I call this the “Instant Relationship”—it’s what happens when you assume that you two are a sure item too soon.

Falling for the Instant Relationship works against you in several ways: First, it blinds you to potential red flags. When you narrow your focus to one guy like this, you end up committing yourself to him before you know important things about him. Second, a guy will sense that you have already decided he’s the one for you, and he will feel an expectation to deliver when he might not yet be ready. He’ll feel pressured, and he may withdraw. So what does that mean for you?

Read more about dating rules at YourTango.com 

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