All Articles Tagged "relationships"
There are a number of reasons a lot of people consider online dating as an option. A busy work schedule that doesn’t permit them much of a social life. Growing tired of the usual club and social pickup scene. Wishing to be a part of an exclusive community just for singles to cut chances of rejection in half. Seeking casual arrangements that include sex.
No matter the reason, each of these contribute to the notion that online dating is easier.
Online dating has the tendency to make users a lot more comfortable with “meeting” and connecting with prospects, as you think you really know each other after corresponding via apps and on the Internet. But on the flip side, online dating can be frustrating, tricky, complicated and confusing for someone who doesn’t know exactly what they’re looking for. You spend days messaging with someone in what you feel is a safe space. But what happens when you decide to let your budding computer love blossom in real life? After weeks of “dating” online, he finally asks to exchange numbers, but you’re nervous about whether or not things will work out beyond the Internet. Advancing even more, he finally asks you on a date and you fear that you’re not ready because meeting in person is a step that makes the online dating connection even more…well, real. So what do you do?
First, say yes.
I mean, you’ve gotten this far in your online dating connection, so at this point it should be obvious that you two have a mutual agreement or understanding on what you’re both looking for. I get that you don’t “know” him and that’s bothering you, but would it be any different if you two had initially met in person? No, so what’s the harm in saying yes?
With that being said, only do so if you feel comfortable. If you need a few more days or weeks before you’re okay with meeting up then tell him right away.
If you’re the one taking the big step and asking him out on a date, ask yourself where you want things to go. Remember, the sooner you figure this out, the better. It gives you time to weed out the bad ones before chatting online gets too deep.
Keep things public.
Make sure that wherever you decide to go, it’s some place public. Don’t agree to a date in a secluded area. Trust me, I’ve seen enough episodes of Law and Order: SVU to know better.
Don’t accept his offer to go back to his place. Always remember that even though you know him a little, you don’t truly know him. You only know what he’s told you.
Once that’s figured out, keep each other engaged. Pick a date that requires you to be creative, share lots of laughs, or maybe a little competition such as bowling or a game of pool.
You’ve made it this far and he probably already knows the basics about you anyway. To avoid awkward silence, use those familiar things as a point of conversation. Since you’re in person, you can talk deeper about some of the things that stood out to you the most about the correspondences you’ve had and share more about yourself.
At the end of the day, he’s just flesh and blood. He’s no Idris Elba or Beyoncé or anyone like that to the point where you need to be losing your head. Be cool, stay calm and let the night flow. You’ll do great. And if you’re really lucky, you will make a great connection.
As the saying goes, “You only get one mother.” But when you fall in love with a man with children, you fall in love with his children, too. And at some point, when things get serious, there has to be room to evolve from being more than just dad’s “friend.”
Every woman who has ever shared her time and love with kids who aren’t her own has had to play substitute mom at one time or another. And while there’s no joy like the kind children bring, sometimes stepping in as a stepparent, when you haven’t officially been made one (by marriage) can be a struggle.
When you encounter these tough situations, how do you navigate your way through? Have you ever dated a guy whose children weren’t so fond of you?
A breakup may feel like the necessary end to a relationship, but when the dust has settled and you feel like you’re having a change of heart, what do you do?
Some love stories deserve to come to an end, but backsliding isn’t always a bad idea. If you’re thinking about going back for the following reasons, it could be a sign that this breakup was just the end of a chapter, not the whole tale.
But no one deserves unlimited chances to do better. If you keep encountering the same problems over and over again, it might be time to take that broken record off of the player.
You Broke up to Maintain Your Image
It’s happened to everyone. You were mad in the moment and badmouthed him to anyone who would listen. Now that everyone is glad that you broke up, you’ve changed your mind. But we’ve all been there, and the awkwardness of explaining your change of heart shouldn’t keep you from happiness.
Have you ever met a guy you were interested in building a relationship with and everything was going good until he did that one thing or said that one comment that just turned you all the way off? It makes you wish you had some more insight into the way men’s minds operate. Like, what was he thinking when he sent you that unwarranted d–k picture? Why did he think it was okay to not text you back for days? Fellas, there are just some things that you do and say that we, the womenfolk, would really appreciate if you didn’t.
I’ve written about this briefly before but I feel it bears repeating, mostly because this theme, this question keeps showing up in my life. And it irks the hell out of me. Last year, when I asked a serious question about handing your man money so it appears that he is the one paying, I also told a story of the time my boyfriend and I went into the bodega to buy snacks. For those of you who missed it, my boyfriend was making a decision about the type of chips he wanted. And was taking a long time. I was getting a little annoyed about it. And since the cashier knew that I was going to be the one getting the bill (If you want to call the cost of chips and juice, a bill.) for the items, he said that since I was the one paying, he should get what I suggested.
Another time, in that same bodega, I can’t remember if it was before or after this incident, but another cashier, when I pulled out my card, made some comment about my paying. I told him, “It’s just snacks. He pays for me all the time. It’s okay.”
He then went into a speech about how he gets down in his relationship.
“I never let my woman pay for anything. Nothing. I pay for everything.”
I just raised my eyebrows.
Then, this past weekend. My boyfriend and I went to breakfast. He paid. Several hours later, he suggested we get some escovitch fish from this small Jamaican buffet in Brooklyn. After the server boxed the food, another man rang us up. My boyfriend handed him his debit card. Before he could run it, I remembered that he had paid for breakfast. I told the cashier, “Oh, use this card,” handing him mine instead.
You might assume that this was the end of the conversation. But it was not. The cashier looked genuinely confused, still holding my boyfriend’s card in his hand.
“But I have a card right here already.”
“I know but I want you to use this one.”
My boyfriend extended his hand then, saying “I’m not going to argue with her.”
He held the card a second longer before he took mine.
Given those three different experiences in less than a calendar year, needless to say I was and still am irritated by all of this.
As I said back in November, one of my life’s pet peeves is people trying to count or speak on what I should do with MY money. But even deeper than that I just wasn’t raised to let a man pay for everything. There have been examples in my own family where the man, the breadwinner, the footer of every bill utilized that position to exercise near tyrannical control in the relationship. And I don’t even believe a person needs to be morally bereft or stuck in the 1950’s to behave like this. Most of it is just human nature. If you’re paying, the other person’s opinion about the way things are done ultimately doesn’t hold that much weight. If you want to splurge or save, it’s your money and therefore your choice. Because at the end of the day, when it’s time to put up or shut up, the other person doesn’t have anything to contribute.
I was also taught that in the beginning of a dating relationship, you should at least offer to pay (for your half) of a meal or outing because you don’t want the man to expect something you’re not willing to give (I’m talking sex.), simply because he dropped some money on you. People only spend money when they expect to get something in return. And if your company and conversation aren’t worth the cost of the date, in his opinion, you don’t want him hounding you afterward.
But more than that, it’s just about fairness.
I like, love and care about my man. I want us to be able to see one another as often as possible. And I don’t want that not to be an option because he’s paid for every breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, gas, parking, rental car, ticket and all other activities since we’ve known each other. It’s not fair. I work and I want women to be treated with equality in this society.
Furthermore, it’s not a problem for us, in our relationship. And while I won’t tell anyone else how to behave or handle their money in their situations, I wish people, specifically these men who don’t know me, would fall back and mind their business.
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
My boyfriend and I are planning to go to the beach this weekend with a big group of people and, although I go with him and his frat brothers and their significant others on this beach getaway every year, this time around he’s concerned about my appearance and what I’ll be wearing.
When we first started dating a couple of years ago, I never wore bathing suits because I wasn’t comfortable with my body — at all. Over the last year, my boyfriend’s sisters and I started a fitness support group and I started to not only get in shape but actually love my (newly toned) body.
My new body has also afforded me the opportunity to wear clothes the old me would never think about wearing. And now my boyfriend has started policing my fashion choices. I usually ignore him but his behavior has become increasingly worse. I recently bought a bikini from Michael Kors and despite my friends and his sisters telling me how sexy I look in it, my boyfriend thinks it’s too revealing. He asked me to return it and I promptly told him “no” which started a big argument that boiled down to him not liking all the attention I receive these days. But now I can’t find the bikini to pack for our weekend trip. He keeps telling me it will show up when I’m not looking for it and suggests I wear a t-shirt and shorts instead. I hate to accuse him, but I really think he took my bathing suit and hid it, especially after he said a t-shirt and shorts would be a better look anyway because he doesn’t trust his frat brothers and their looming eyes.
Should I cover up to please my boyfriend?
Women are known to fake orgasms so their partners’ egos aren’t bruised during unsatisfying romps in the hay. But one study has found women also fake orgasms for another not so innocent reason: to get out of unwanted sex they didn’t necessarily consent to.
In a study created by the British Psychological Society, 15 women between the ages of 19 to 28 who had been sexually active for at least one year were interviewed to discuss why they fake the Big-O in the first place. The researchers found that “despite being recruited to talk about consensual sex, all women spoke explicitly of a problematic sexual experience,” a press release noted. Although the participants never used the terms “sexual assault” or “rape,” they described their sexual experiences as unwanted and explained the need to get out of them. “[F]aking orgasm provided a solution for ending sex where, culturally, not many options are available.”
Study author Emily Thomas of Ryerson University in Canada explained, “While some women spoke about faking orgasm in positive ways, for instance, as a pleasurable experience that heightened their own arousal, many talked about feigning pleasure in the context of unwanted and unpleasurable sexual experiences. Within these accounts, we were struck by the degree to which women were connecting the practice of faking orgasm to accounts of unwanted sex.”
By faking orgasms, the women believed they were able to exert more control over their sexual circumstances, especially when other alternatives solutions were not made available to them.
Although the entire study wasn’t released to the public, its general theme sheds light on the need to understand what consent is and how to offer or deny it.
“It appears that faking orgasm is both problematic and helpful at the same time,” the authors wrote. “On one level faking an orgasm may be a useful strategy as it affords some control over ending a sexual encounter. We are not criticizing faking practice on an individual level. We want to focus on the problems with our current lack of available language to describe women’s experiences that acknowledges, names and confronts the issues women spoke of in our interviews.”
Not every relationship issue is easy to get to the bottom of. Sometimes it’s easy to point to someone’s behavior as the reason for friction. Other times, bickering and distance seem to multiply and be the issue. And sometimes, it’s something deeper. When emotions are involved, we don’t always want to point to sex as the issue that’s coming between us. But if these problems are your main ones, it might be a sign that you and your partner get along everywhere but the bedroom.
Sexual compatibility is important. Every relationship needs a spark to get going, and that spark can die down to some degree when you’re in a long-term relationship. But if it goes out completely, it can put a relationship in serious trouble — especially if neither of you are interested in getting the heat going again. Is a lack of sexual compatibility holding you and your partner back? Can a relationship work without it?
Every relationship reaches a point where you run out of date ideas. You end up in the house more than you are seen on the streets. When that happens, it can be fun to think about when instead of where when it comes to date ideas.
We all remember how much fun dating was when we were younger. Remember how fun and easy dates were in high school? It was a time when you were free of worries (and debt), nursing your first crush, and feeling grown for the first time. So why not revisit your heyday with your boo of today? After all, there’s no dating rule that says you can’t rewind the clock. And sometimes acting like a teenager can bring a little youthful passion back into your relationship.
The next time you get stuck in a “What do you feel like doing?” loop, try one of these made-for-adults high school-inspired dates.
They call the beginning of a relationship the “honeymoon phase,” but if you think about it, it’s really the “interview period.” When you’re on those first few dates, you’re both on your best behavior, in your best outfits, trying to see if this relationship is best for you. But if his best behavior when things are brand new is less than peachy-keen, there’s no telling what is to come (all bad).
Behavior in a relationship doesn’t usually get better. We relax, get comfortable and people start to show their true colors. If you’ve seen the following behaviors from a new man in your life — and you’re not prepared for things to get worse — it might be time to take a pass and just take your chances with the other fish in the sea.