All Articles Tagged "relationships"
True Life has finally answered the question on couples’ minds around America: What would happen if I had a threesome? Lucky for us, this Dallas couple found out for us — you won’t be able to guess what happens next.
Him: Babe, This is my Homegirl,
You: Oh. Hey.
Everybody wants to be the cool girlfriend, but then paranoia sets in. No matter how secure or “cool with it” we pretend to be, these are the overreactions we’ve all had when we finally meet the man of our dreams… and his female BFF.
You two used to wear out the mattress springs. But now that your relationship has matured, things in the bedroom are… fizzling.
You’re not alone. And the good news is, there’s a lot you can do to spice things up in the bedroom again. You just have to be brave enough to try something bold.
Read 50 Shades Of Grey
And join the S&M revolution. But be careful before you crack open those pages. That book has spiced up so many bedrooms since it was published, it started a new baby boom. So maybe buy condoms first.
There are very few things that can leave me puzzled in life, but one of those things is the ability some people have to compartmentalize their behaviors. What I mean by that is how some people have the ability to create a reaction, and then ignore all consequences after it.
I just can’t wrap my mind around it. One of these things is how people can hurt someone, and then not only refuse to apologize, but when they see you they never mention it. There’s no apology, there’s no explanation, or even the poor excuse of: “Sorry, I was having a bad day.” It’s just: “Hey, I have some extra slices to this pizza, you want some?” Not only is it confusing, but it’s also a little alarming. (Are they just trying to finish you off with the pizza so they don’t have to apologize from now on? What’s your game?!)
Maybe I’m too much of an empathetic person, but I don’t feel right if I’ve wronged someone and didn’t apologize, or at least talked about what happened. Even if I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong, I’ll apologize if my tone is too harsh, or if my choice of words made them feel attacked. Or I’ll apologize for my reactions. I feel like this should be the norm.
Sadly, it’s not. You’re going to come in contact (or be related to) people who will do and say horrible and mean things to you, and the next time you see them won’t say anything about it. They know they hurt you, and some of those people were purposely trying to hurt you.
As much as you might want to just cut them out of your life, this is for the people who you can’t. Either you’re related to them, living with them, or working with them, you have to interact with them when they feel as though they did nothing wrong. This is when loving a person from afar only does so much. When getting human resources involved and the solution is to just be cordial while you finish your work together. It’s a very unpleasant situation to be in, but it’s not an impossible one.
Being around people who have wronged you, but refuse to address it can be frustrating, but it takes some skill on your part to handle it.
First, you have to accept the fact that you can’t change them. You can’t make them see how you feel, or address what they don’t want to address. If they feel as though they did nothing wrong, nothing that you can do or say is going to change it. They have to decide to make that decision on their own.
Second, you have to embrace yourself and find closure on your own. When people do and say horrible things and then go about their lives unfazed, it can sometimes have an effect on us that makes us wonder if they were right in their harsh words. Sometimes someone else’s ease and confidence they have in hurting us can make us begin to believe whatever negative propaganda that they have been spewing at us.
However, this is the time that you have to gain confidence in who you are. Instead of accepting what someone else is saying about you, know who you are! Know what’s a lie, and what’s constructive criticism. Know what you need to fix and what was said in an attempt to break you down. Know that you are more than the negative, and you have positive attributes, and if you have to write them down to remember them, then do so. A few words from someone else can break us down so much, and it’s up to use to rebuild ourselves.
Finally, assess the necessity of holding on to it. Sometimes when people hurt us we want to just hold on to that pain as a reminder of how the person really is, and have it justify why we shouldn’t trust them. Now, I’m not saying that you have to trust them, or even like them. What I’m saying is that you have to love yourself, and part of loving yourself is to not bog yourself down with unnecessary pain. Carrying all that baggage is more so a pain on you, and you’re not punishing them by holding on to it. You’re punishing yourself.
You’re going to be forced to interact with a-holes in your life, and many of them won’t see their own faults, but will be quick to tell you yours. They will create impossible standards for you to live up to so that when you fail they feel justified in being condescending to you.
But in those times, remember that you are more than just one person’s negative critiques… whether you get the apology or not.
Over the weekend, we told you about GOP staffer Elizabeth Lauten and the disgusting comments she made about Sasha and Malia Obama.
In case you missed it, Lauten, the communications director for Tennessee Representative Steven Fincher, took issue with the fact that Sasha and Malia appeared to be disinterested in their father’s pardoning of two turkeys in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday. Lauten thought because the girls didn’t look readily engaged and weren’t smiling idiotically that they were being disrespectful to the entire country. And she took to her Facebook page to say that not only were they being disrespectful, they looked like women at a bar.
It was vile.
And after several people told her so, she deleted the post. And then after hours of prayer, she said she realized just how hurtful her words were and apologized.
But as the song goes, sometimes it’s just “too late to apologize.”
And today, after this weekend’s debacle, Lauten announced her resignation. Earlier today, she told NBC, that her resignation was “in the works” before she made her comments.
But it matters not.
I’ll allow this gif featuring Sasha and Malia to explain my thoughts on Lauten.
Do better girl, do better.
These tinder fails will make you think twice about looking for love on an app. If these are the fish in the sea, we’re ready to hang up our fishing poles for good.
Who would like to know if you’d be interested in being his replacement wife. If the only picture you can find is from your last wedding, it’s too soon to start working toward your next.
When some celebrities get together, sometimes it’s hard to understand why(?!). These celebrities have found themselves in Hollywood’s most unpopular relationships. Will they last? Or will the social media shade eventually split them apart?
Erica Mena And Shad Moss
It’s not just the height difference. Since these two went public just before
Bow Wow Shad Moss joined the cast of Love & Hip Hop New York fans smelled a publicity stunt.
Love doesn’t always conquer all, especially in TV Land. Callie and Arizona? Olivia and Jake? These are the TV breakups we’re still not over.
Ted and Robin, How I Met Your Mother
When How I Met Your Mother hit us with this bombshell in season two, it felt extra heartbreaking because these two clearly belonged together. They just wanted different things. So we all had to mourn this missed connection for seven more seasons before these two finally got together where they belonged.
I know people generally regard the Smith family as weird. And I know the recent interview Willow and Jaden just did with the New York Times, won’t make things any better. But I can’t help but dig them. Yeah, Willow and Jaden are certainly different. There’s no denying that. But they also have a freedom that most teenagers–and hell even most adults–will never know. And while people are always pointing at Will and Jada as if they’ve screwed up, I think some of their philosophies have actually been rather helpful.
And not just for their children either, I know they’ve helped me.
Last year, as is always the case, the issue of Will and Jada’s presumably open marriage came up once again. And finally, in a statement Jada said, “Will can do whatever he wants…”
It didn’t help quell the rumors. Instead, for the people who believed the two had an open marriage, it confirmed it. And in an attempt to clarify, Jada took to her Facebook page, (which is full of gems by the way), to expound.
Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should “behave”? Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true? Do we believe that we can have meaningful relationships with people who have not defined nor live by the integrity of his or her higher self? What of unconditional love? Or does love look like, feel like, and operate as enslavement? Do we believe that the more control we put on someone the safer we are? What of TRUST and LOVE?
Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE…for us???
Here is how I will change my statement…Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.
I read this last year. And even though I didn’t think it was a lesson I needed to learn at the time, it stuck with me. Because, unbeknownst to me, I would need it later.
For years I’d been in a situationship. Everything kept us from being together in an official capacity. I mean everything: age, timing, distance, lack of trust, immaturity (on his part), dishonesty (on my part) and then eventually brokenness (on both of our parts). And so, after many years, the situationship ended…again. And though there was friendly-ish communication on social media afterward, this time the permanency felt more real.
But you know, matters of the heart. You can know something is over and still care and still want to know how that person is doing, what’s going on in their life. So even though I knew it was over, I decided I would be mature enough to continue following him on social media, or the one social media outlet I still followed him on: Instagram.
I could write a whole anthology on the ways in which social media can bring madness and mayhem into the very palm of your hand.
And that’s exactly what happened.
At first it was all good, I’d like the comical posts, pictures of his adorable niece, inspirational messages, life goal progress. All of that. I was so mature I had to commend myself.
And then the new boo started making appearances. At first I was lying to myself. ‘Oh, maybe she’s a friend.’ But it wasn’t long before there was a picture that was just to obvious to ignore. And when I saw it, I was shocked. Not at the relationship or the declaration of the relationship but my response to it.
I happen to know of the new boo. I went to high school with her. And though we were far from close, I always assumed she was a nice person. She always had a smile on her face and struck me as having a positive spirit.
But seeing that same smiling face on his page, I could literally feel the bile in my stomach rising up, my skin heating up and my lips turning up in both disgust and to keep any vomit from seeping out.
Just as my head was about to start spinning in Exorcist fashion, Jada’s words came back to me, with an explicit instruction from God:
“Veronica, you don’t own him. She’s a nice girl and he has every right to move on with his life. And if you can’t be happy for him, then you need to unfollow his page.”
I am one of thee nosiest people in the world; and it pained me to do so, but I started unfollowing him instantly.
That was real maturity.
So Jada’s words resonate with me. So many times in marriages, relationships and even situationships we feel, even if we don’t admit it to ourselves, that we own the person. We like to put pretend stipulations on what they can and can’t do, forgetting the very real fact that we all have our own autonomy and can all do whatever we want.
I know some of you will read Jada’s comments and interpret them to mean that she allows Will to sleep with other women.
I don’t see it that way.
Jada acknowledges that in her mortality, she is not enough to stop Will from doing whatever he wants to do. He’s a grown man, with free will…and in his profession, plenty of access. People say it all the time, if a man is going to cheat on you, he’ll find a way.
But being that she truly knows Will and subsequently married him because she knows him, she trusts that he won’t do certain things. And it’s not because she wields any power or control over him. It’s because she trusts and believes in his own integrity and the decisions he’s made for his own life.
I’ll say that again. Decisions he made for himself, not because she’ll leave him or divorce him or step out too, but because these are the principals that are important to him as an individual, principals which she just so happens to benefit from as his wife and mother of his children.
All that relationship advice we consume about how to keep a man and how to make sure he stays faithful, have all been simplified by Jada’s words.
Instead of playing power games, learning a new move in the bedroom, giving ultimatums, sneaking through his stuff, or asking to smell his dick, choose to be with, surround yourself and even have children with men, women, people who not only possess their own sense of integrity and accountability but can actually prove they live by it. You and your relationship will be happier for it.
When it comes to asking “is he the one?” it’s easy to complicate the issue. It is a big question, but sometimes the signs can be surprisingly simple.
He Makes You Happy
Sometimes finding the one that’s right for you is as simple as asking “does he keep a smile on my face?” If the answer is “yes,” you’re on the right track.