All Articles Tagged "relationships"
By Huffington Post, From YourTango
A man logged his wife’s rejective responses to his advances from June 3 to July 16 …on an Excel spreadsheet. While we admire his organization, can you imagine receiving something like this? On the way to the airport, no less?
That’s what happened to the Reddit user who posted her husband’’ passive aggressive spreadsheet to the site.
Is this behavior acceptable? Read on at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
This is certainly a predicament many have been in. The above quote references Trey simply being greedy. That’s why the track is coined “Cake.” Today’s post isn’t about cheating for cheating sake. Today’s post is about my thoughts on our responsibilities in relationships. We can force someone to cheat on us. To say that someone “deserves” that happening to them is harsh. But is it still a true statement? I say let’s see.
For starters, I’d like to say that I believe you can cheat on someone you love. Most of those cases I really feel are in consequence. They’re in consequence of something the other partner was lacking. These could be a myriad of things. The partner could have cheated. The partner could’ve been abusive. The partner simply could’ve been negligent for way too long. The list goes on. But cheating many times can be a consequence to these things. I think it could be analogous to parenting in a way. Many parents who have troubled children might send them to boarding school. They might kick them out of the house. But at some point or another that parent is looking for the opportunity to gain some control back. Of course you love your child. At the same time you’re trying to find a way to stop your hurt.Not all times are those measures the right ones. We make the wrong choices all the time. Life is all about figuring it out.
We give ourselves a better chance of fidelity by tending to our partners.
We have to hold ourselves accountable. Recognizing we have the potential to push someone to cheat should always have us on our toes. By no means do I think we’ll be perfect. But it’s important to want to be the best version of yourself for someone. If you lose sight of that then your loved one could lose sight of you.
Some people would say that if you have an urge to cheat then you should just leave who you’re with. If this were a utopia then that would always be the case. It’s not and it isn’t always that easy. Take Kirk (pictured above) from Love And Hip Hop for instance. He’s married to a southern rapper named Rasheeda. Their marriage hasn’t been perfect. Kirk has been pretty absent emotionally from what I’ve watched. He wasn’t supportive during his wife’s pregnancy. He even cheated on his wife during her pregnancy. He cited the fact that she told him to “do him” in her anger. He knew it wasn’t a free pass. But his continued ignorance led him to make his decision. Rasheeda on the other hand never cheated on him despite this. But as far as I can see it, she had all rights to do him dirty. But so much was at stake for her. They built a life together, there’s money and children involved. It probably wasn’t worth it to her in that circumstance.
Read more about SingleBlackMale.org
I know! Another article about hair! But with the Blue Ivy petition fiasco and the debate about whether or not white women can claim #teamnatural, it’s clear that we are still not quite comfortable with the various textures that are uniquely assigned to our tresses.
A friend of mine recently decided to go for the “Big Chop” after years of perms and weaves. It took her a long time to finally go for it! She worried about whether or not she would readily adjust to such a drastically different look. She was used to having long hair, so the thought of not being able to wear a simple ponytail or a high bun, made her wary. But she was also tired of spending endless hours at the beauty salon, begging her boyfriend for money to get her expensive extensions installed. Her own hair was showing signs of wear and tear, which resulted in her relying on the security of hair weaves.
One afternoon while having brunch she announced to all of us that she was going to step outside her comfort zone by embracing the “natural hair movement”. We all applauded her and promised to give our unrelenting support. I never thought she would actually contemplate giving up her regimen, but a week later she greeted us with her new look. She looked incredible. Her eyes looked bigger, her skin glowed, and she even seemed taller. Her short Afro was everything! Finally we could see her gorgeous features without the aid of her trusted bangs and flowing mane. It was fresh, youthful and complimentary and I was so happy to see her enjoying her much-needed makeover.
She was relieved that her gamble had paid off, and even more excited that we loved it. But there was just one problem. Her boyfriend of six months was less than enthused with the prospect of his girlfriend being stripped of her long straight hair. She never really discussed it with him beforehand, which made the big reveal even more shocking and harder to digest. We tried to console her by explaining the fact that he probably needed time to get used to her shorter do. He was accustomed to her looking a certain way, and since he wasn’t privy to the fact that she was considering a major alteration, his reaction wasn’t necessarily unreasonable.
But almost two months later, her boyfriend is still reeling from the fact that she is now a bona fide naturalista. At first he started off with innocent jokes, but it has since escalated to full fledged demands. He is actually trying to convince her to go back to her weaves because she was a lot sexier when she had longer hair. Now that she has an Afro, she had lost that level of appeal that drew him in when they first started dating. Yep! He went there. Hitting below the belt by intertwining her attractiveness with the style of hair she chooses to wear.
Things have gotten so bad that their relationship is currently in code red status. They fight all the time, and there is barely any intimacy left. My friend is ready to walk away any day now, even though she is trying to hold on for dear life because she loves him. But of course she is disappointed that the man in her life is not supportive of her grooming habits. He refuses to understand why she made the change, and more importantly he won’t respect her decision regardless of whether or not he gets it.
It got me thinking about how I would react if I were in a similar situation. Is it mandatory to find out what a guy’s preference is when it comes to hair before getting serious? It sounds ludicrous, but based on my friend’s current situation; it definitely is a legitimate concern. I have never dated a guy who seemed hung up on how I wore my hair, but then again, I never wore weaves. I suppose we attract certain types of guys based on the way we present ourselves.
Would you dump a guy if he forced you to wear your hair a certain way?
You caught his eye across the room, but what makes him turn back? Jackie Black, PhD, author of “Meeting Your Match” says that there are a few key things every guy instantly notices when he meets a girl. Maximize your assets and make sure you don’t let him miss out on a good thing.
Cut Down the Crew
Going out in a big group can be intimidating. The perfect number? Three. That way your wing women can keep each other company while you two flirt away.
Does your boyfriend have a little more growing up to do? If he’s anything like the men on this list, it could be time for him to drink a tall glass of grow-up quick.
He Still Think He’s Going to Be A Rapper
Not that you’ve ever seen him log any studio time. But it is his number one excuse for not going back to school.
Say what you will about Robin Thicke, but that man is committed. Since the moment his un-husband-like behavior came to light, he has done everything under the sun to win back the lovely Paula Patton. Though much of his pleading has apparently fallen on deaf ears, Thicke is certainly not alone in his brand of begging. Many a heartbroken man have pulled out all the stops to win back the loves of their lives. So as a salute to Thicke and all the other men desperately trying to get their ladies back, we take a look at 15 songs that will at least get her reconsidering a return.
He thinks the lingerie, meals and heels are all for him. But we know better. Here are things we pretend to do for men that we really do for ourselves.
Getting Dressed Up
Sure, you didn’t mind catching his eye. But the real reason you rock that bandeau is to plant seeds of jealousy in the hearts of other chicks.
From Single Black Male
I found myself watching Boomerang over this past holiday weekend. It’s one of my favorite flicks. This time around the experience was a bit different. Something tells me the Taylor Port had something to do with that, but I digress. I noticed something towards the end of the movie. Angela (Halle Berry) was hurt. She no longer wanted to associate with Marcus (Eddie). He cheated and she was hurt. Once Eddie realized he simply didn’t connect with Jacqueline the way he did with Angela it all sunk in.
I know many women reading this right now are saying “well that’s what ya get!” I agree with you all fully. But in most situations like this there’s always the “conversation” that follows. We all know there’s got to be a talk one way or another. So Marcus finally finds his way to Angela. They speak face to face which I will forever feel how things should be done. If not face to face then on the phone. Back to the story. Angela admits to Marcus that she knows they share a real love but that she’s simply scared to try again.
It’s in that moment that I thought that was strong of her to admit. What was even stronger was that she did take him back. We assume that things went well after that as the movie ended. We all have hurt people and we all have been hurt. That was really the whole concept of Boomerang.
It gets real in the field, and trust isn’t easy to come by. So after being hurt how do we know who to trust again?
Read more on trust at SingleBlackMale.org
Ever found yourself wondering just what the heck is wrong with him? Sometimes the simple answer is “nothing.” Men and women just operate on different wavelengths. Once you clue in to what’s going on in his head, you might be able to stop having so many misunderstandings.
He’s Not That Complicated
Want to stop a lot of arguments before they start? Stop digging deeper. If he says he’s “fine” it might really be true. Women speak in hints, but men tend to say what they mean. Instead of pushing for what’s not there, wait for him to bring up what he’s thinking.
I love a respectful man. One who was clearly raised right and has mastered the art of being a gentleman. I’m attracted to a man who opens doors, insists that you walk on the inside of the sidewalk, and most importantly, one who knows what to say and what not to say to a woman. I enjoy a man who is mature and respectful enough to not loosely throw around the B-word or other derogatory terms like he’s part of Lil’ Wayne’s entourage. A respectful man can steal my heart…but a nice guy, not so much. This may sound contradictory, but in my mind, you can be respectful without being too nice. Let me explain.
While dating one of the most respectful and nicest guys that I had ever met, I learned a startling truth about most nice guys: the majority of them are simply that way with everyone. Where’s the exclusivity in that? I want the man that I’m with or the one pursuing me to be respectful to all women, but ‘nice’ to me.
The guy I was dating complimented me, held doors, made sure everything around me was well-suited for me. He made me feel like a queen. However, I soon realized he made every woman feel like one. He was just that type of guy.
I was in awe of how much of a nice guy he was without being too corny and appearing too desperate, but other women were also in awe. While he may not have hit on these women or asked them out on dates, his mannerisms sure gave some the impression that he was looking to be more than just nice. He was most certainly a good guy, but I wasn’t sure if he was a great catch. There is a difference.
No one could argue that he was a gentleman, but some women, like me, might find that his choice to be a little too nice with everyone, aka, women in general, a little off-putting. Other women could easily deem his overly-charismatic traits as flirting, and honestly, I couldn’t blame them. His female co-workers doted on how sweet and kind he was. The cashier at the grocery store blushed when he complimented her. It became sickening.
Initially I thought I was trippin’ and simply not used to a man who was a bonafide gentleman. I had to question if what was filling my mind formed because of feelings of insecurity. I eventually realized that they were not. Instead, they were the feelings of a woman who wanted a man who was a little less nice and a bit more attentive to her, and not the whole world.
I used to cringe at the saying that nice guys finish last, believing that it would cause more men to shun the idea of being a chivalrous gentleman, but now I get what it really means. Being too nice, and there is a such thing, is not always a plus in relationships. And in my case, this nice guy finished last.