All Articles Tagged "relationships"
I read something really interesting the other day: Love isn’t always about luck; it’s about setting a goal and reaching it.
As women, it’s easy for us to fall into the habit of waiting for love to happen to us. It’s the men that do the approaching and it’s our job to be ready when it happens.
But even if you like a man to make the first move, there are lots of ways to make sure you’re in his cross hairs when he’s ready to make that happen.
Putting love on your To Do list means making time in your schedule to make love a priority — and thinking a little outside of the box.
We’ve all heard of the Freshman 15, but did you know that the relationship 15 is also a thing? Recent studies have found that women are 63% more likely to put on weight when they’re in a relationship compared to when they’re single.
Spend enough time with a man and his eating habits tend to affect yours. After date night, Netflix and chill (and order in) and the meals you cook for him, the calories can add up.
Thankfully the relationship 15 doesn’t have to be inevitable. There’s a way to get comfortable with your new boo and still fit into the dress you wore on your first date. It just takes a little man-proofing for your diet.
You’re the person your boss goes to when he needs someone to put in extra hours during the week. Your sister knows she can count on you to pick up her kids or her dry cleaning, and your roommates have started expecting the apartment to be spotless because they know you will pick up after them.
When you’re very dependable, some people can become a little too dependent on you. So when everyone needs you to do everything, how do you get back some time for yourself and tell them no? Setting boundaries when it comes to your boss or even your BFF can be hard. But go into the conversation with a game plan and things don’t have to get that awkward, or worse — ugly.
We recently read somewhere that smart women have the toughest time dating. It makes sense when you think about it. The higher up the success and education ladder you climb, for whatever reason, the harder it can feel to find the right fit in love and life.
Are you making the following relationship mistakes? You’re not alone. Are you prone to overthinking? Do you lead most with your head and not your heart?
We’ve got a list of the common relationship mistakes even the smartest women make. Do you find yourself hung up when it comes to these relationship hurdles?
I’m sure we’ve all done a lot for a person who didn’t appreciate us at one time or another. They were negative when you wanted to be positive. They blocked you out when you tried to let them in. You made yourself available, and yet, that wasn’t enough. They wanted more and more from you. Why would they mistreat you?
The trouble with trying to find a reason is that sometimes it’s just not about you. Maybe they’re hurt, insecure, and battling with issues that don’t have anything to do with you. If you’ve found yourself dealing with the following people, distance yourself and build yourself up instead of staying around people who try to bring you down.
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about scorched earth. It’s a military tactic whereby, as you withdraw from a place, you destroy everything that might be useful to the enemy. It makes me think of dry barren lands where no life can grow.
All resources destroyed.
Nothing viable left behind except the memory of war.
This isn’t the letter you think it is. I’m not here to throw shade or disrespect you. I’m not here to scorch the earth underneath your feet. Usually, when I hear about his new partners there is either contempt or indifference. I roll my eyes or suck my teeth at the notion that he could have an adult relationship. I have always thought I scorched the earth — pulled all the soil out from underneath him — when I left.
But life doesn’t work like that for anyone. Love has a way of enduring.
When he told me about you, I knew this was different. He said you were a beautiful soul and I believed him. The words weren’t hollow. They felt true. Another time, when he was inebriated, he told me you saved his life. He told me that the last three years have been hard, and there have been accidents and mishaps. There has been severe depression, and like a thick blanket over his life, you were there. You were the one person he mentioned with a hint of lightness.
So I’m writing you because I’m grateful for your presence in his life.
You don’t do it for me. I know that. And you don’t need my gratitude, I get that, too, but the world is cruel to our men. The world eats away at Black boys until they are souls without bodies, silently begging for more from this life. I’ve known him long enough to know that he looks for places to hide — bottles and capsules where he can place his fears. He drives too fast, yells too loud, pushes too soon.
At times he wants to die, but you keep him connected. You are his reason. For that, I am thankful.
I hope that I don’t haunt your mind like former lovers sometimes do. Trust me when I say that I’m not a threat. I’m not a saint. I’m not an angel or a demon. In fact, we don’t even love the same man. I think that’s a common misconception. The person you love is not a person I know. I will always love the boy I loved at 16, but that person is gone now. You do such a good job of loving the person he is now, and he needs you. The boy I worshiped at 16 needs you as well, so hear me when I say this: I love you because you keep the boy I used to love alive. I love you because, as long as you love him, there’s a possibility that he can continue to evolve. There is a chance he might find peace. Again, you are his reason, and I don’t know how that makes you feel, but I will forever be grateful.
Patia Braithwaite is a New York City based freelance writer. You can find out more about her at www.menmyselfandgod.com.
When it comes to other women, we can almost always tell off the back who is being real and who isn’t. But with men, things are different and a lot more complicated, especially in matters of the heart.
So how can you tell when a man is saying one thing but actually means something else? These are major red flags that should put you on alert:
He Has Zero Follow Through
Say to him, “You said you’d call me — what’s up?” and he’ll promise to do better. And yet, he won’t follow through the next time with his promise. He can’t say he’s not going to call, but his actions prove that calling is low on his priority list.
You’ve heard the numbers — 42%, 70%, 72% — no matter which figure you’ve digested, and perhaps even subscribe to, they all come down to the same fact: Black women, by and large, are single. Or is that just a myth?
Check out this video as we debunk the long-standing narrative that Black women don’t get married — and inform other Black women of the real stats when it comes to our marriage rate. You might be pleasantly surprised, just like they were.
Looking for love and a new place to live? You’re not alone. When you’re looking to move on up in love and your professional life, sometimes a change in scenery is the key. We’ve gathered a list of the best cities for single African-American women in the United States. Black women who live here are not only doing well in work, but find more options in single, employed men.
So if you’re looking for good culture, great jobs, and single men, be sure to keep scrolling. We’ve asked friends and family, researched the job markets and what fans of these places have to say. And they agree that these are the places to be.
Even if you can count the number of relationships you’ve had on one hand, it’s pretty clear: no man is perfect. The good news is that’s cool. Because we’re not perfect either.
In reality, “settling” is just kind of a salty word. Everyone has flaws, and real love is about give and take. and finding someone who’s good qualities are better than their not-so-good ones.
But not every flaw can get a pass, even when you’re in love. Here are 13 qualities in a man that are just plain hard to work with.