All Articles Tagged "relationships"
You’ve just met him and the sparks are flying. But is it like or just lust? Sex can lead to attachment whether you want it or not. So before you jump in bed, be sure your hormones aren’t taking over and pairing you with a guy you might not even like. Asking yourself these questions first could save you from your next dead-end relationship.
Your Playlist Is R-Rated
Meet a new man and you start playing the songs that make you think about him on repeat. But if your playlist is more R. Kelly than Drake, it could be a sign that you’re only interested in one thing.
Every relationship comes with an expiration date. The trick is to see the signs that it’s time to move on — before things really turn sour.
This Is Your Auto-correct Situation
And it’s the only thing keeping you from finally ending it all.
You don’t start fights, you don’t create drama, you don’t take issue with things…per say. But you know some things upset you, even if you’re really laid back, and you probably secretly punish your man these ways sometimes.
Love & Hip Hop Hollywood (LHHH) is one of my guilty pleasures. Every Monday night, I sit on the couch with my girlfriend, my laptop, and 1,000 of my closest twitter friends to discuss all the stupidity happening on the show. While this season hasn’t been any more ridiculous than past seasons, the relationship between Yung Berg and Hazel-E has managed to surpass the “lofty” standards set by seasons prior. The sordid interaction between these two has provided plenty of confusion, and yet, not an ounce of sympathy. Women are often telling men at the outset of a relationship (however you define that is up to you) “don’t lie to me. Tell me exactly what you want so I know where I stand.” In Berg’s case, he’s done exactly that and Hazel still seems confused, which makes their screentime both exhilarating and incredibly painful to watch. Ladies (but most certainly not men) might be surprised to know that what is happening between Hazel-E and Berg isn’t an uncommon occurrence. But before we get into that though, let’s do a quick recap of Berg and Hazel’s relationship.
At the outset of the show, it’s clear the relationship between Hazel E and Yung Berg is a one-sided affair. Hazel often refers to Yung Berg as though he’s her boyfriend while Berg is tepid, at best, about his feelings on committing to Hazel. Hazel constantly begs Berg to reaffirm his feelings for her in hopes that he feels the same way she does, only for Berg’s response to put Hazel into an emotional tailspin. Though there are a litany of situations to choose from regarding these two and their “relationship,” there are two that stand out the most. The first is Berg plainly telling Hazel exactly where he fits in her life and the second is him showing how much respect, or lack thereof, he has for her in public.
The first situation took place while both were in the studio. During the conversation where Hazel is trying to get Berg to commit, he tells her: “You know I got a different girl every day of the week and that’s how I want to live my life. If you can’t live with me, then live without me.” Hazel is heartbroken, unable to understand why the man she’s been sleeping with for almost a decade cares so very little about being in a relationship with her. Another scene finds these two on yet another couch, this time the morning after Berg and Hazel had sex. The viewers find Berg playing on his phone while Hazel walks out to join him. Hazel inquires as to why Berg is on the couch to which he responds, “You know I don’t do that lovey-dovey ‘ish and cuddling and all that.” An argument quickly ensues while discussing Berg’s plans for taking Hazel to an award show. Berg tells Hazel he “doesn’t want to be on front street” and Hazel accepts his explanation. Later, Berg goes to the award show with another woman and is approached by Hazel. Hazel references the conversation about why Berg didn’t want to go with her and Berg responds by kissing his date in front of Hazel. Embarrassed, Hazel throws her drink at the couple and storms off.
What I can’t understand about Hazel is why will she refuses to take “no” for an answer. Berg has disrespected her at almost every turn of this show, at one point describing her as “delusional.” Another argument between the two found them at a crossroads in their relationship where Berg, having had enough of Hazel’s inquiries about the two of them together, says “I don’t like the way you’re talking to me. You’re talking to me as if you’re my girlfriend or wife or something” with an attitude no self-respecting person would allow someone to speak to them with. As a result of the scene, many seem to believe Hazel is simply an idiot who can’t take a hint, while some ladies also thought Hazel’s behavior was an extreme example that couldn’t possibly happen in real life. If you find yourself in alignment with either of those views I’m here to tell you: you’re wrong. Situations like Hazel-E are closer to “a dime a dozen” than they are to “one in a million.” I’ve got a lifetime of stories of women I was sexually interested in who wanted far more out of a relationship than I did and simply wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. I can assure you that I’m not the only man with these kinds of stories. While there are plenty of instances in which men lead women to believe one thing and hit them with something completely different, there are plenty of occasions where the truth is told from the outset and some women simply refuse to accept that truth.
Hazel-E and her relationship with Berg isn’t much different from any other woman who finds herself involved with a man who doesn’t want the same thing out of a relationship she does. These types of women have convinced themselves it’s the man making the mistake, not them. They also believe if men could just see how loyal, faithful, freaky, and down for the cause they’ve been, they will wake up one day and realize she’s the one he needs to be with. Hell, to keep it one hundred, I’d bet the money I make from this post there are women reading this who were laughing at Hazel-E and are in (or have been) in a very similar situation with all the knowledge as to why Hazel-E should leave Berg but they can’t leave their own version of Yung Berg in real life. Pot. Kettle. Suffice it to say, sometimes you don’t need to decipher what a man is saying. If his actions and words are in concert, ladies, move accordingly.
Want to know whether it’s worth waiting for him to get it together? If he’s showing you these signs, it’s a clue you’ll be waiting around forever.
He Gets Mad Instead of Getting Better
You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. If he gets agro every time you bring an issue up, he’s telling you he’s not equipped to face the facts — or change them.
There seems to be a lot of confusion out there about who is and who isn’t a side chick in Hollywood these days. And it can be tough to get clear on the facts when you’re living in the limelight. But when these things happen in your relationship, they could be signs that you might be a side chick.
You’re Not Sure About the Timeline
Amber Rose says that she and Reggie Bush “were eachother’s rebounds.” But several sources have said that Amber and Reggie’s relationship overlapped with Reggie Bush’s and Kim Kardashian’s. Whether Reggie fudged the details or these two acted too soon, this case of too-close-for-comfort got Amber Rose labeled as The Other Woman.
In the wise words of Chris Rock: “when you’re first meeting someone, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.” So with that in mind, most people who come into your life might not completely be on the up and up. Someone that you find that you might initially click with, could use all of your secrets against you if you make them mad.
The lessons of life can be harsh, but can be easier if you have a cheat sheet when it comes to people. In life, trust is something that should be earned, and these are signs and traits to let you know that a person could be trustworthy.
I have a problem expressing myself to my fiancé. He told me that if I don’t start expressing myself he will end our relationship. How can I make it easy on myself to do so? I really need help!
Veronica: Oh Lord! What a threat! Honestly, I don’t think he was right to put that type of pressure on you. Particularly when he presumably proposed knowing that you weren’t exactly an open book. Perhaps the threat was an idle one and he’s trying to let you know just how frustrated he is. Still, for someone who doesn’t like to talk, this type of ultimatum certainly won’t give you the comfort you need to bare your soul.
As far as opening up, I’m not a therapist but I think that first you should really try to figure out why you still don’t feel comfortable opening up to your fiancé. Is it something he’s done? Is it something someone from your past did that makes you hesitant to let him in? You need to figure it out. And when you do, you can start by telling him this is why you’re so guarded. And ask him to be patient. And it’s never a bad idea to speak to a therapist. I’m sure they could get to the root of your issues and maybe even provide some type of suggestions on how you might begin to communicate better.
Brande: I can relate to your struggle. I’ve never been great at expressing myself to people I care about (to my detriment), but it’s a necessity for establishing lasting healthy communication in your relationship. Figure out what makes it difficult for you to express yourself, i.e. is it a personal issue like fear of rejection that only you can work through, or do you hold things back because of how your partner has reacted to your expressions in the past?
If the former is the issue, let go of the baggage and recognize when you have a loving, accepting person in front of you who wants to know your thoughts and, just like you, needs to know how you feel about him and your relationship. If the latter is the issue, communicate to your partner that you need him to be more open and understanding when you express your feelings and that his doing so will help you be more comfortable opening up. Also, make sure you nip this issue in the bud before you walk down the aisle. It’s interesting your fiancé would propose while your expressiveness was still a problem in his eyes, but make sure you two don’t just gloss over this issue. It could cause much bigger problems in your marriage if it’s not handled now.
Victoria: This is a tough one because I feel like I need more details. Is his issue that you don’t express what’s bothering you when you’re upset and it causes problems and resentment down the line? Or are you just not good with conversation?
It’s definitely an important thing to be able to communicate whatever feelings or concerns you have because you all will be married. If there’s anybody you need to open up to, it would definitely be him. So you need to figure out what is holding you back. Maybe you could write your feelings out and share them with him that way if you’re really not comfortable sharing them face-to-face. But as an adult, you should try and push past that and trust that whatever you come to your partner with he will understand and work with you on. Otherwise, it might not be the best idea to get married. Certain issues should be worked out before walking down the aisle.
As for his threats, again, I would need more information about how this lack of communication has affected your relationship to be able to say whether or not he’s really trippin’, but if you love him, try to work together to improve your communication skills as a couple. Good luck!
Jazmine: I think it’s probably wise for the both of you to seek counseling immediately, perhaps both separately and as a couple if you can afford it. Your inability to open up is more than likely the symptom of a bigger issue. His threat to end your relationship when you’re clearly struggling with this may point to a deeper issue as well.
Have you always experienced difficulty expressing your feelings? Did something happen in your relationship that has caused you to shut down? It’s really tough to make an accurate assessment of the situation solely based on the information provided, but I truly believe that a therapist would be helpful in the sorting out of your issues. I do realize that not everyone can afford to see a therapist, but maybe a couple’s workshop will be beneficial. Also, local churches often offer premarital counseling for engaged couples.
Lauren: I find it odd your fiancé gave you an ultimatum after proposing to you. However, everyone has a different communication style and before you both say “I do,” it would be best to seek counseling. Counseling will allow you both to express your differences through workshops and foster a safer relationship without misunderstandings or anxiety. If that is not an option, research articles that can teach you how to speak confidently to your fiancé. I also think you should examine why you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourself to your fiancé — that will offer you the most clarity.
Thou shalt not do any of this when it’s over — or you’ll find yourself in relationship purgatory.
Thou Shalt Not Drunk Dial
Hand your phone to a friend before you start doing shots — unless you want to wake up right back where you started.
When you’re extremely happy and in love, it’s rather tempting to tell the entire world (including all of your Facebook friends) about how wonderful your partner is. But a recent study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that social media users who constantly feel the need to make Facebook friends aware of their romantic dealings felt less secure in their relationships. The study examined the psychological factors that drive “relationship visibility” on Facebook.
“People often attempt to shape others’ perceptions of them, but the role of romantic relationships in this process is unknown,” the study’s abstract reads. “The present set of studies investigates relationship visibility, the centrality of relationships in the self-images that people convey to others. We propose that attachment underlies relationship visibility and test this hypothesis across three studies in the context of Facebook.
Avoidant individuals showed low desire for relationship visibility, whereas anxious individuals reported high desired visibility (Studies 1 and 2); however, similar motives drove both groups’ actual relationship visibility (Study 1). Moreover, both avoidant individuals and their partners were less likely to make their relationships visible (Studies 1 and 3). On a daily basis, when people felt more insecure about their partner’s feelings, they tended to make their relationships visible (Study 3). These studies highlight the role of relationships in how people portray themselves to others.”
So the next time one of your Facebook pals is doing the absolute most, chances are they’re not as confident in their relationship as they’re putting on.