All Articles Tagged "relationships"
My mother owns her own daycare. So she has a lot of very real conversations with parents about their children and their needs. In one of these conversations, perhaps about diaper rash or circumcision healing…or whatever, she said the word penis to one of the mothers.
My mother thought nothing of it but judging by the woman’s reaction, you would have thought she cursed her out.
The woman, a mother well into her thirties, shuddered before asking my mother, “You use that word?” My mother is revered for her frankness…and calling people out for their foolishness.
“…Oooh I can’t even say it…”
“You mean penis?”
“Yes. I just could never say that word.”
Later, when my aunt, my mother’s business partner, heard the story, she said “But I bet she puts her husband’s all up in her mouth.”
That’s the keep it real side of my family.
And as you might imagine, we were taught the proper anatomical terms when it came to speaking about our body parts…and even their functions. From potty training age, my sister and I used the word urinate. Point is, while my parents and extended family members had crude or comical nicknames for genitals, we only learned those after the proper terms had been ingrained in our minds.
So, it was always odd to stumble upon people who didn’t use these terms. I dated a man who, for the first few years of us actually getting to know each other, laughed hysterically, any time the word penis was said aloud.
Though he eventually learned to use the word, in retrospect, his inability to say penis was symbolic of some other maturity issues.
Which brings me to the point at hand. There are some behaviors that may masquerade as odd, insignificant quirks. But nah. Some “quirks” are glaring, red flags.
And if you don’t believe me, you need to look no further than this clip of Rich Dollaz during a recent, radio interview, captured by The Shade Room. He was addressing the rumors that he had sex with fellow “Love and Hip Hop New York,” costar Diamond Strawberry.
If you can’t watch the video right now, Dollaz, with a straight face, says:
“I’m going to tell you what the truth is…but it’s “Love and Hip Hop’s” job to leave it up for the imagination. So I’m not mad at them, but I’m going to tell you the truth and I did not have sex with Diamond Strawberry in the bathroom, contrary to what the world may think. And I wouldn’t lie on my pee pee.”
The room explodes in laughter at hearing a man, in his forties, refer to his penis as “pee pee”…but in the 15-second clip Rich sits there with that same adamant look, still arguing his case.
In fairness, this was only an Instagram clip and perhaps Rich doesn’t make a habit of using the word “pee pee.” Still, the fact that he chose to use it in a room full of men, as if the words don’t immediately elicit images of microscopic man meat, seem to suggest it’s a pattern.
I’m ashamed to say that I used to think Rich was kind of cute. (I really liked the way he expressed his passion for Olivia and wanting her to succeed in her career.) But as the seasons of “Love and Hip Hop” progressed, dude just got worse and worse. He was sleeping with everybody, trying to sabotage all of Erica Mena’s attempts to leave him alone and he mixed business with pleasure one too many times to even front like he was actually about his paper. And that was just his behavior on the show; in real life, he’s so behind on child support, he’s been arrested for it…twice.
If you ask me the fact that Rich calls his penis “pee pee” and is acting like a little boy out here in these streets are directly correlated.
Ladies, be forewarned; if your man can’t say penis, or vagina for that matter, jog, sprint, run or dash away! You’re dealing with a child.
After a very public and sad breakup, Ciara ushered in the New Year as a single woman. With her focus back on her music (and motherhood), she released her latest single, “I Bet,” which talks about infidelity in a romantic relationship. There has been speculation as to whether or not the song was a diss to former fiancé, Future, reportedly cheated on the singer. But before such reports surfaced, Future was Ciara’s “king.” In a recent interview with The Breakfast Club, Ciara spoke about the end of her relationship with Future and whether or not she thought she fell in love too fast with her ex. A man she once cried about on camera and referred to as her best friend:
“I think it’s just about going with the flow. I was a person who would be super hard. I would darn near date for a year before going to the next place. For me, I think with life you can’t really call it. You don’t know what a situation is going to be. You can take a year or you can take six months or you can take two. My dad, after knowing my mom for nine days, they were married and they’ve been together for 31 years. You never know. I’m not going to put a time limit on when I can do something. I’ve been experimenting over life, clearly, and I’m still trying to figure it all out.”
GOOD Music singer Teyana Taylor split with boyfriend Brandon Jennings back in 2014 after being head over heels in love with him for four years. The heartbreak was made worse when Jennings started dating Taylor’s so-called friend Tae Heckard soon after, and said that his relationship with Heckard was his first “real” public relationship. After publicly scolding her ex for disregarding what they had, Taylor has since confirmed a relationship with new beau, Iman Shumpert of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Taylor can now be seen lauding her man (and his penis…) on a regular basis on Instagram, crying about him during performances, wearing a chain with his name around her neck. While he hasn’t shown the same level of wild enthusiasm, the pair appears happy together.
Both of these ladies and their relationship habits got me thinking about how women fall in love, noses wide open, and rave about a man who stays doesn’t do the same for them. And while I do think the partners of both of these women did and do care about them, for many women, we fall head over heels in love with someone we aren’t even sure is “in like” with us. We all have that one friend who seems to be on a different date with a different guy every month and each time she believes she has found love or that she’s met “the one.” For the celebrities mentioned, it’s hard to avoid the limelight when establishing relationships, but there is a certain privacy that is important when building a foundation. Like Ginuwine said, “it ain’t none of yo friends business…” There are some days where we want to shout it from the rooftops when we’re falling for someone, but sometimes it’s better to keep some things to ourselves when trying to cultivate a new relationship.
Don’t be so hasty to post the man you just met as your “Man Crush Monday” on Instagram because you two had a connection; it’s only been a month. It’s better to focus on building and being present, rather than posting every date on social media and telling all your friends and family about this mystery guy you barely even know. In this tech age, people have access to all our information via the web and being transparent about our lives seems to be the norm. But are you being a little too transparent? If no one asked, why are you telling?
Naturally, we want to be in love, and we want someone to love us, but there are ways to build a healthy relationship with someone without involving an audience. For the hasty woman, allow him to chase you and uplift you up on a public platform instead of always rushing to do so. That’s not to say you can’t be certain of what you want. But by design, men are chasers. If you chase him, he doesn’t really have any work to do because you’re doing it all.
A good way to slow down is by learning how to contain and channel your excitement in other ways and by keeping your options open. Don’t place all your eggs in one basket when you’re not 100 percent certain of where you stand. By keeping your options open, you stay busy. You don’t have to date a plethora of men, but focus on you instead of focusing too much of your time on him and only him. Keep the conversation flowing and the dates coming, but don’t get too serious if he’s moving at the same pace. That will allow you to gauge how much interest he truly has in you.
I say all that to say, turn off social media and remove the rose-colored shades. That way you can actually see where things are headed, the red flags that may pop up, and if there’s a real connection before jumping the gun on love.
Social media platforms like Facebook are a wonderful tool as they keep us connected with friends and family. Such platforms are also a great way to stay in the know when it comes to different life events and even news. But even with all of its perks, there are some major setbacks to using social media…like dealing with those who overshare.
Don’t think you have a problem?
Here are some signs that you overshare on social media. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but you might want to consider being a little more private in the future.
I was one of those overly dramatic, overly sensitive worry-wart kids. So naturally, I spent countless hours sittin’ up in my room (shout out to Brandy) listening to love songs. I used to shed real tears I would be so caught up. If nothing else, I was passionate.
Dru Hill, with Nokio’s expert writing abilities, Jazz’s impeccable upper register and Sisqo’s heartfelt delivery, were one of my favorites. Real, ride-or-die Dru Hill fans know that on their 1998 album Enter the Dru, they have a song called “What Do I Do With The Love.”
For those who aren’t familiar, the song is about the end of a relationship. The members of the group harmonize about what they’re supposed to do with the love they anticipated giving to their now estranged partner. At 11 years old, I didn’t know anything about love but I thought the concept was fascinating. (Diane Warren is a beast wit it.) But seriously, what do you do with the love? It’s an energy, a force, it certainly can’t just evaporate.
It wasn’t until years later that I came to understand that Diane and Dru Hill were absolutely right, when you love someone, even after a relationship ends, the love is still there. Not in an ‘I want you back’ kind of way. But rather in a ‘I wish you well and please know that even though we shouldn’t, can’t, and won’t be together; somewhere out there, on a spiritual plane, there is love for you.’
Saying that spiritual plane part might creep some folks out, so you might be looking to send other signals to let them know the love is out there. Something like a “Happy Birthday Text.”
We know it well, right ladies?
Now before you start making assumptions, I’m not talking about the let me send this happy birthday to see if he’s still feeling me. I’m talking about the ‘since you played a significant role in my life, let me acknowledge the day you entered into the world’ type of happy birthday text.
Still, it’s hard to communicate that message with a simple Happy Birthday. The phrase can be interpreted many ways. It can, as many of you may have assumed, read like an invitation, a way to gauge interest or strike up conversation after a year of ghost. Because the phrase is so loaded, it’s the reason we women–or at least I–agonized over sending that text last year.
I’m almost ashamed to say that I debated for weeks about whether or not to send the text to someone I’ll call an “ex.”
When the day finally came around, I, sitting on my toilet where all the good thinking happens, decided to send the text hastily. He responded promptly. Thanking me, asking me a off-topic question about my family, and that was it.
And after the brief exchange I felt relieved and mentally scolded myself for being #teamtoomuch.
But…when my birthday rolled around 3 months later, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a bit of anxious expectancy waiting for that same ‘Happy Birthday’ text. And I would also be lying if I said I didn’t feel some type of way when it never came.
This time I thought, ‘Daaang! For real, you ain’t got no love for me somewhere in the universe homie?!’
I’ll spare y’all all of the details; but long story short, having known this dude since I was 13-years-old in middle school, I thought for sure we’d be able to maintain a semblance of friendship. You know the kind where we text a few times a year on holidays. But curving me on my birthday, let me know, without a shadow of a doubt, that was not about to happen.
And in a few months when dude’s birthday rolls around again, I will not be sending that SMS. (The fact that he didn’t have an iPhone–and didn’t want one–was just one of the reasons we couldn’t seem to make it work.) Ultimately, I know love is a spiritual thang and I shouldn’t have had any expectations; but reciprocity is real important in the practical space, and this wasn’t the first time it’s been an issue in the course of our relationship. Still, mad love… I’ll just send a birthday shout into the universe and hope he knows it’s out there if he ever needs it.
I’ve learned my lesson with this particular one; but I wanted to ask you all if a relationship ends with no bad blood, do you wish your exes happy birthday? Why or why not?
Are you more likely to listen to someone who tries to speak to you from the heart, or makes threats? No matter how much we love a person, there’s a right and wrong way of doing things. Take a look at these relationship ultimatums that might not give you a happy ending you’d like to see.
It feels like society frowns upon people living with their parents, and yet, it seems like more and more celebrities are doing it.
Is something not considered taboo if you make millions?
For the most part, I don’t think many adults want to share a roof with their parents. Outside of being a buzz kill for personal relationships, many of us go to college and work hard to have something of our own. You also don’t want your mother or father trying to dictate how you live.
When I left home for college at 17, I told myself I wasn’t going to come back to my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood, but I wanted to be independent. Outside of staying with my mom for a semester when I transferred colleges, I’ve pretty much lived on my own up until I met my husband and got married.
Everyone has their own individual needs and preferences. I know a few people who had to move back in with their parents due to a job loss, desire to pay down a debt, or save up for a house. Living with your folks to make a sound financial decision is smart, though most of our society would look down on people who do it instead trying to see the reason behind their choice. For example, how many people are turned off after hearing a prospective boyfriend or girlfriend still lives with their parents? You might even go so far as to call them “moochers,” lazy, or having some weird attachment issue to their folks.
I’ve been guilty of side eyeing a family member who had no problem moving back in with her parents after college, and did little or nothing to “maintain her keep.” Because she didn’t have to pay rent, she was able to pay off most if not all of her debt, and yet, didn’t feel the need to help around the house or pick up after herself. I’m sorry, but you really can’t complain about how hard it is to be an adult when you don’t cook or clean for yourself, and have someone else do your laundry.
Doesn’t work that way boo.
After learning Bow Wow (or Shad Moss) lives in the basement of his mother’s house with fianceé Erica Mena, I grabbed a snack and started looking through the comments. It seems like people are 50-50 when it comes to his situation. On one hand, he’s playing it smart by living with his mother, especially when you consider his new gig on CSI:Cyber is still fresh. That didn’t stop criticism from coming in that he needs to be a better provider for his soon-to-be wife.
And what about Bradley Cooper who moved his mother into his house after his father passed? Perhaps that was the reason why he and his ex Suki Waterhouse have been so on-again/off-again.
While I personally couldn’t live with my parents, I’m not going to knock someone who chooses to do so (not counting my relative. Her laziness is public knowledge). In the case of Bow Wow, the home he shares with his mother is a mansion. Lord only knows the number of rooms and the privacy everyone has. Hopefully he has a great relationship with his mother that includes a love and mutual respect for his future wife. Should things go left, he and Mena can always get a place of their own considering they have the money to do so.
Then again, there’s nothing wrong with keeping your parents at a small distance, like a guesthouse or nearby property.
What do you think about people who live with their parents?
All relationships have their ups and downs that can make us question if they’re worth trying to save. After all, there are no perfect people, so we can’t expect our relationships to be perfect either.
The truth of the matter is friendships can be hard to maintain at times. Life, distance and other factors can get in the way. If you and your bestie are no longer close, it might be time to make a few changes. Here are some tips on ways to mend a broken friendship.
There’s a fine line between wishing you had what someone else does and feeling resentful it’s not yours. Jealousy is a powerful emotion that, unfortunately, can make the prettiest person really ugly. Let’s face it, we’re human and don’t always make the best decisions. The first step in change is admittance, right? Here are some signs you have major jealous tendencies.
“You are the company you keep.” “Show me your friends and I will show you your future.” These type of quotes often replay in my mind when I am doing my “who the hell am I spending my time with?” inventory. I usually try to conduct this assessment at least four or five times a year, or when a life-changing situation occurs. This time, though, it was different. I wasn’t looking at my life, but rather, I was critiquing someone else’s: a guy who was interested in dating me. He seemed decent enough, but the company he kept, specifically the woman he used to date, was a bit questionable. So I questioned him about it.
While it sounds judgemental, it’s important to know who a person spends or has spent the majority of their time around. Here was his situation: he was engaged to a woman who was known to lie, cheat, and even steal. She was known for trying to get over on people, and ultimately he became a victim. Still, he stayed with her for years. This decision told me that either he loved the shadiness, or he didn’t value himself enough to get out of that relationship sooner than later.
Here’s the thing: I am not here to judge how someone acts or who they choose to love. But what I do have to monitor is the people I allow in my life. You do what works for you, but I have to do what works for me.
I’ve dated some questionable guys in my past, and although it took some time for me to get out of the situations (not years like this fella), I eventually started to understand that the people I involved myself with said a lot about my character.
If you’re seriously involved or spend most of your time around people who are disrespectful, careless with their lives, and live free of any real morals or values, what are people going to think about you? Seriously, what do you even think of yourself? Even the most disciplined person eventually inherits traits from his or her environment. And if you’re not careful, you will soon become a product of your environment, aka, the company you keep.
So before I decided to date this guy, I needed to find out where his head was. Basically, was it still in the same place it was when he was ready to marry someone with such questionable behavior? This is not to say that I am better than any of his ex-girlfriends or the friends he currently hangs around, but I am very careful about who I let consume most of my time.
Your relationships, with your man or even with your friends, say a lot about your current state of mind. And while you may not care how others will perceive you because of them, at least be aware for your future. You will soon become who you spend most of your days with. And if you don’t like what’s around you, you’d better change it quickly.
Okay, story time.
Last weekend, I was hanging out with a group of my friends, discussing love and relationships, when my male friend brought up a new interesting dating technique. He told us gorgeous ladies, that in order to get a man’s attitude online, aka Instagram, we needed to like a bunch of pictures of his all at once.
He stated, “Like 3 or 4 of his pictures and wait for him to like a couple of your pictures back. After he does this, like a few more and I bet you there will be a dm in your inbox by the end of the day.” Of course, in true female fashion, we PROTESTED the idea.
“Oh no, I’ll look thirsty,” yelled one of my friends. However, I was silent. I was going to try it. My dating life is honestly — DRY AS HELL!Why not?
So, what did I do this past week? I liked a few pictures and guest what happened! I ended up with a DM in my inbox. Now, for most of the ladies screaming, “oh no girl, you’re thirsty.” Just because I liked a few pictures, doesn’t mean, I don’t respect myself.
Our conversation and first date wasn’t super awkward or strange. At the end of the night, he knew I wasn’t going home with him and I went to bed happy I gave it a try. There’s nothing to lose in trying ladies.
Now, I know I’m not alone. Has anyone else tried this method? I nicknamed it “Liking For Love.”