All Articles Tagged "relationship"
Sometimes we pick a fight with our partner because we are in a bad mood or upset about something other than what our partner has just said or done to us. We need a place to vent our frustration, anger or sadness and we believe our partner can handle whatever we throw at them. 2. Feelings Of Inequality
If we feel we are no longer equals with our partner, our natural reaction is to fight to regain power. We want to feel respected and valued and if it that does not happen automatically, after a point, we demand it. However, we often misattribute our disappointment by fighting about a different topic rather than the issue at hand: that we feel disrespected. Feeling powerless can come from feeling as if your partner does not listen to you or does not pay enough attention to you, if you feel unappreciated for the things you do in the relationship, or if you feel your partner “gets his/her way” more often than you do, etc. It is a common experience in many relationships, particularly unhealthy ones, but needs to be addressed for what it is and not masked by an unimportant argument that is unrelated.
Related to feeling powerless, sometimes we want the feeling of “winning” to know that we are taken seriously in the relationship. When we win an argument, our partner has had to back down from their point of view, which makes us feel more influential. Thus, we will pick a topic that we may not necessarily feel very strongly about, but will fight to the death on it until we experience the “thrill of the win”. Backing down can feel like a sign of weakness and that fuels us to fight harder. This is often a more passive-aggressive method to regaining power. 4. Fear Of Intimacy
Some couples tend to “thrive” on bickering and argue about anything and everything. Mostly, these couples are afraid of intimacy and/or vulnerability and hide behind the “stronger” façade of argumentative behavior. Read more at YourTango.com
“I love and embrace my imperfections. No one is perfect. No one will ever be. The thought of living or portraying a perfect life is not REAL! My life is transparent for a reason. I embrace the pain I have suffered. The reason why I made it out alive many times over was because I was meant to live in order to tell my story. To tell my story in order to inspire and motivate others. The physical pain will never go away, but my heart is in a better place. I still have night terrors from when my first boyfriend beat my face into pulp. I lost my hearing for a bit. I can still distinctly hear his haunting laugh while he was doing it. He punched and broke the majority of my top right teeth. He crushed my right temple & crushed my upper cheek bones.”
“When you’ve seen death dead in the face, you fears no longer exist. No man on earth can every hurt me or try to instill fear in me. No man (or woman) on earth can determine my fate. And no matter how much or many have tried to bring me down. They can’t. All those that have done me dirty I don’t have to pray for, they need to seek prayer for themselves. Many have tried their best to hurt me, but i’m still here. I’m still standing tall with my head held high. I was once broken but never shattered. I’m here to send a positive message. I don’t allow my past to make me bitter. I don’t use the excuse of my painful past as a reason to act up. I have a lot to live for. I have a lot of people to help. I have my family to work hard for. And I will continue to tell my story in order to inspire YOU.”Because of her experiences, Reece has launched a domestic violence campaign called “Be You.” The campaign will help domestic violence survivors to rebuild their self-esteem and reclaim their identity. What are your thoughts on her statement?
I told my friend that I think her philosophy is only shaped by her past experiences.None of us are strangers to relationships in which we may have given more than the other person. To ever say that one person should love one more than the other only speaks to a paranoia we have. In a relationship, we have a paranoia of not wanting to experience that hurt again. In that mindset, we formulate defensive schemes like this. Either we think of it ourselves, or our elders lend their two cents on the issue. Regardless of the source, this idea comes from a place where maybe too much thinking is going on. Sometimes it does pay to experience new relationships in the moment. Give new experiences a fair chance. It’s the only way to remain fair to your partner.
If you’re pulling back and are still waiting for someone to show more love than you do, it isn’t fair.Your whole relationship is no longer balanced. I’m no expert, but I don’t think that this philosophy will solve your issue either. You could argue that you’re being just as unfair as the person who may have hurt you in the past. Read more at SingleBlackMale.org
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I usually don’t ask for help, but I am just so disgusted with my situation. I’m 60-years-old and I am ready to accept the fact that I may end this life as a single woman. I have dated more than I care to tell you, and although there are still men out there worth dating, they’re all still so immature. Either they want sex immediately and when you say no they don’t call back or you do sleep with them and they still don’t call you back. I know my age is a turn off, but I have lost weight, I dress well and I have my own home and car. I recently earned my Masters Degree too.
I cannot find a man who appreciates what I have to offer. I was married for 20 years and I’ve been divorced for 17. I am not a prude by any means. I have fallen in love a couple of times but they always end up not calling and finding someone else. One man even got married last year, to a younger woman, and is now trying to talk to me again. What am I doing wrong? I love myself the way I am but I can’t seem to find a man who loves me. I am no dummy, but I don’t play cutesy coy catch me if you can games either; I never have. What advice can you give me because I really don’t like what I’m seeing out here in the dating pool!
Still In Search
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
Your friend is a nice guy and accommodates you. He goes two hours out of his way, round trip, to pick you up from the airport, simply because you were unable, too cheap or just didn’t think to get a rental car. But whatever; you now expect this friend to cater to your needs by running you around town. Can I say: Get a bus pass? Okay, as a rule of thumb, if you call and invite yourself to a man’s home in another state, come prepared to take care of your business and at least ask him, at the bare minimum, if he needs anything. I mean, if the man has provided lodging, then right off the bat, you are saving hundreds of dollars on hotel costs. Right?
From Hello Beautiful
Each week on “Iyanla: Fix My Life” we watch Iyanla Vanzant help celebrities and everyday people overcome their personal struggles to live a better life. But, on an upcoming episode of the hit OWN series, we get a glimpse in the spiritual life coach’s personal story of survival.
In a new promo clip, Iyanla shares her experience of living through domestic violence with guest Janetria.
“After I got hit in my head with a bed slat, I woke up at three o’clock in the morning and something said to me, ‘If you don’t leave here now, he’s going to kill you,’” she said. “And I creeped out of the bed and I got a bag of clothes for each of my kids and one for me. And I left.”
“I had nowhere to go, I had no money to get there — I didn’t even care,” she continued. “But I had to be willing to lose everything to gain it all.”
Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
Note: Don’t ever date a man who’s wealthy enough to spend money on the most random things because he’s bored and bitter. You might end up with a middle finger statue aimed right at you.
This is the situation a Bloomfield Hills, Michigan woman finds herself in. According to Gawker, Alan Markowitz, a local businessman decided to show he wasn’t “done” with his unidentified ex so he bought a house right next to hers, undoubtedly annoying the woman to no end.
But it doesn’t end there.
Apparently, Markowitz then purchased a bronze statue in the shape of a middle finger and had it placed right in the view of the woman’s home. Her daughter Lenka tweeted, “[I]ts hard for me to enjoy my baths now because my fav tub is in my moms bathroom which faces out towards tif and alans house.”
No, not even a leisurely bath is sacred anymore.
At night, the statue is still visible because Markowitz has a spotlight on to illuminate the figure.
MArkowitz, is the owner of three Detroit strip clubs and the author of Topless Prophet: The True Story of America’s Most Successful Gentleman’s Club Entrepreneur. The book is actually being turned into a television show. He’s also the father of a 17 year old girl who lives in the home with him. I’m sure she’s really excited about all of this attention (I’m using sarcasm but since she’s only 17, she might find this pretty cool).
Listen, you have to be pretty pathetic to take such drastic measures towards your ex. I guess the whole “deal with your feelings and move on” thing just doesn’t work, huh?
Listen, you have to be very