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From Essence

I have been with my boyfriend six years, and we’ve lived together for four of them. I have never pressured him about marriage, and we have talked about it happening, but I’m starting to give up hope. While I feel content with our relationship, I’m becoming insecure about why he hasn’t asked me yet. I know it’s just a piece of paper, but I’d like to have the commitment before we have kids. On another note, he is the first man I’ve been with that has a very low sex drive—we go for weeks without having sex. As a professional, I’m asking, is this a red flag?

See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.

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From Essence

Q: Hi! I’m 23 years old, from New York, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. How can I improve my dating life? It is really hard for me to meet any guy who’ll actually like me. Can you give me some suggestions? Being single sucks for real, especially if you are a person who stays inside the house during weekends.

See what celebrity psychologist Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.

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From YourTango

It was during our one-year wedding anniversary that my husband and I applied for our first passport. I put rollers in my hair for the occasion. Neither of us had been out of the country before, unless you’d count my senior year spring break trip with ten girls, a booze cruise and watered-down Sex on the Beach cocktails.

My husband and I had saved for months to travel around Ireland for ten days. The only to-do we planned in advance was to rent a two-seater Citroen that barely contained our overstuffed luggage; everything else we did on a whim. We stopped when and where we pleased. We sampled Irish whiskey. We ate the best oysters of our life — fireside — pulled out of the Galway Bay, and washed them down with a pint of Guinness. And we met locals that we now call our friends.

This was the trip that fueled our fire for travel. This was the time in my life when I learned that beingmarried would never be about what we have, but what we do. This trip would define our relationship—our marriage — to this day. That same year, we left our hometown in the Missouri Ozarks, rented out the picture-perfect house we’d bought only a year earlier and moved to New York City. While our friends were registering for Diaper Genies and Pack ‘N Plays, we were moving into an overpriced 500-square-foot, six-floor walk-up in the East Village. This move would be only the beginning of the adventures the initial stages of stress testing our suitcases.

Read the rest at YourTango

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The fear of being alone, rushing into a relationship, and low self-esteem can all lead to settling. For some women, having a guy that is second best is better than having no guy at all. But, if you’re lowering your standards just to not be single or to boost your ego, now’s the time to let it go. Here are 14 signs you’re settling just because.

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There’s a nice surprise element to Facebook: you can post something on somebody’s wall, and by the time they get to it they realize that all of their friends have already seen it! In many cases, this can be funny. It’s a great tool for your prankster friend to play a joke on you “in public.” But, that same surprise, public element in a relationship can make your boyfriend often feel embarrassed and completely helpless. He can’t control what you post on his wall for all his friends to see. But, believe me, most of it he wishes you hadn’t!

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From YourTango

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and take yourself back to the very first time you experienced a feeling of love with the person you’re in a relationship with now. Allow yourself to re-experience the emotions, the sights, the sounds, the tastes and the smells you first experienced … just as if it is happening again right now.

Stay there for a moment and allow yourself to feel where in your body you first felt that emotional feeling of love. Is it in your heart? Is it in your head?  Is it on your lips? Focus on what your mind was focused on then. Is it the feeling of your heart pounding? Is it how you just seem to melt as your bodies fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle?

Notice how good it feels to be emotionally present with the one you love. What questions run through your mind? Did you find yourself asking, ‘Is this what love feels like? Will this feeling last? Is it really possible to fall in love again?’

Did you find it easy to take yourself back and re-experience that falling in love feeling again? Has it been a while since you felt that feeling of love? Which emotions have you been feeling instead? Fear? Guilt? Anger? Anxiety? Jealousy? Frustration? Resentment? Disappointment?

Do you frequently initiate conversations and interactions in a negative emotional state? Or, are you the one dodging the toxic emotions as they are launched at you by the one you love? Has it happened so often for so long that it’s just too difficult to tell? Are you concerned that your love and your relationship are being destroyed as a result?

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Well I think it’s safe to say K. Michelle will have some love mixed in with her hip-hop on the next season of LHHATL because her love life is turning into a major e-saga.

At the beginning of the month, K. was lamenting to Hot 97 how she ruined her relationship with NY Knicks player JR Smith and that she regretted messing things up and was going to do whatever she could to get him back. Last week, it looked like she’d succeeded when several pics like the one above popped up with her an JR getting nice and cozy at a party and even sharing some pecks right in the middle of the dance floor — or VIP. One would have assumed that meant things were back on between the two, but JR insists that is hardly the case.

Last night, one of JR’s fans tweeted him something about K. Michelle having her man now, meaning him, and he took that opportunity to let the world know that he belongs to no woman.

If I was K. that would sting just a little. Just because they kissed in the club obviously doesn’t have to mean they’re in a relationship, but I also wouldn’t want someone I was fooling around with to go out of his way to let people know I’m not his girl. What’s up with that? As far as the tweets are concerned, though, K. Michelle doesn’t seem to be tripping. She came back with this response:

That might be a good front but if she wants that man as bad as she claimed on Hot 97, there’s no way she isn’t at least slightly bothered by what he said. Plus, if you watched the Dirty Little Secrets special Sunday night, she also mentioned that there was a man she was trying hard to get with, which I can’t imagine being anyone other than JR. Let’s just hope our girl doesn’t get her feelings hurt in this cat and mouse chase.

What do you think about JR’s tweets and her response?

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From YourTango

James, in his mid-30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy.

“She is really beautiful, although I’m not sure she’s my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the same church and we both want children. My friends who meet her think she’s dynamite.”

“But … ?” I could hear hesitation in his voice during our phone counseling session.

“I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be a spark and I don’t miss her when I’m not with her. In fact, I rarely think about her when I’m not with her. And our conversation doesn’t seem to flow easily. We run out of things to talk about. Maybe the spark will grow. Does that ever happen?”

“Why not spend a little more time with her and see how you feel?”

It became apparent within a few months that the spark was not going to grow and the conversation was not going to flow. James still did not look forward to seeing Cindy.

“James, it doesn’t seem that this relationship is going to become what you want it to be. Perhaps it’s time to move on.”

But James was afraid of ending up alone, afraid he would not meet anyone as sweet as Cindy. He ended up staying in the relationship with her for two years before finding the courage to leave.

Read more at YourTango

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Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Javon Belcher was pronounced dead early Saturday morning after taking the life of his girlfriend and then committing suicide.

Details are still somewhat sketchy but Yahoo! Sports reports that around 7am, Belcher and his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins got into an argument.  While the reason for the argument remains unclear, it resulted in Belcher shooting Perkins multiple times. She was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead.

Belcher then proceeded to Arrowhead Stadium’s team facility, home of the Kansas City Chiefs, where he ran into the team’s General Manager Scott Pioli and head coach Romeo Crennel, along with at least one other employee. The facility was evacuated and locked down by police after Perkins’ mom, who witnessed her daughter being shot, notified them of what had happened in the home.  The GM and coach attempted to talk Belcher out of hurting anyone else but he then shot himself in the head.

A police spokesman said Belcher thanked the coaches and staff for everything they’d done for him. They continued to try to talk to him but he walked in the opposite direction and that was when they heard the gunshot.

The rest of the team was called to the main facility to be made aware of what had happened.  In a statement prepared by Chairman and CEO Clark Hunt, he expressed the following:

“The entire Chiefs family is deeply saddened by today’s events, and our collective hearts are heavy with sympathy, thoughts and prayers for the families and friends affected by this unthinkable tragedy. We sincerely appreciate the expressions of sympathy and support we have received from so many in the Kansas City and NFL communities, and ask for continued prayers for the loved ones of those impacted.

“We will continue to fully cooperate with the authorities and work to ensure that the appropriate counseling resources are available to all members of the organization.”

What makes the story even more tragic is that Belcher and Perkins had a three month old daughter. Thankfully, she is safe and is with a relative.

The Kansas City Chiefs have a home game on Sunday against the Carolina Panthers; according to sources, the league has told the Panthers to travel to Kansas City as though the game will be played.

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From YourTango

The year-end holidays are around the corner. November and December are stressful months as families prepare for feasting, exchanging presents and celebrating another year. For many singles, however, family gatherings can be painful — especially if parents, siblings or well-meaning relatives wonder why you’re not “with someone.”

But many couples or divorced singles with kids actually envy single friends who can enjoy holiday perks unavailable to committed pairs and families. As a life coach who’s been married for 30-plus years, I urge unattached readers to embrace the benefits of being solo, including some you may not yet appreciate:

1. In-Laws and friends. Singles are not required to attend boring events hosted by a spouse or lover’s family. Being with your own crazy family is challenge enough — especially when they push emotional buttons you thought you’d outgrown. You’re also not expected to spend time with your lover’s annoying friends. Instead, you can choose which of your friends to hang out with based on who cooks the best turkey or pie, stirs the best martinis, or makes you feel fabulous.

Read more at YourTango