All Articles Tagged "relationship"
Note: Don’t ever date a man who’s wealthy enough to spend money on the most random things because he’s bored and bitter. You might end up with a middle finger statue aimed right at you.
This is the situation a Bloomfield Hills, Michigan woman finds herself in. According to Gawker, Alan Markowitz, a local businessman decided to show he wasn’t “done” with his unidentified ex so he bought a house right next to hers, undoubtedly annoying the woman to no end.
But it doesn’t end there.
Apparently, Markowitz then purchased a bronze statue in the shape of a middle finger and had it placed right in the view of the woman’s home. Her daughter Lenka tweeted, “[I]ts hard for me to enjoy my baths now because my fav tub is in my moms bathroom which faces out towards tif and alans house.”
No, not even a leisurely bath is sacred anymore.
At night, the statue is still visible because Markowitz has a spotlight on to illuminate the figure.
MArkowitz, is the owner of three Detroit strip clubs and the author of Topless Prophet: The True Story of America’s Most Successful Gentleman’s Club Entrepreneur. The book is actually being turned into a television show. He’s also the father of a 17 year old girl who lives in the home with him. I’m sure she’s really excited about all of this attention (I’m using sarcasm but since she’s only 17, she might find this pretty cool).
Listen, you have to be pretty pathetic to take such drastic measures towards your ex. I guess the whole “deal with your feelings and move on” thing just doesn’t work, huh?
Listen, you have to be very
Throughout your lifetime you will run into lots of advice about how to “catch” a man, how to “be attractive” to men, how to “keep” a man… the list goes on. Can I tell you right now that that advice is pure and total crap? Sure, you can follow those instructions and “catch” yourself a man, but if you’ve followed said advice, is he really going to be the man you want? Because if a man has to be caught like a bass fish then you might consider setting him free, and instead look for a partner; not a fish. As you constantly tell me: “Just sayin’.”
So here, my wonderful girl, are some qualities that I think should be non-negotiable for the man who is lucky enough to be a partner in your life.
1. Don’t bother with a man who you think cares about you but can’t show you or say so.
If he can’t tell you how much he loves you, then he’s not going to be able to handle the big conversations that are required for a healthy, long-term relationship. Not to mention that you deserve to hear words that relay love and affection throughout your entire life.
2. Don’t even think of spending more than a few hours with a man who isn’t every bit as interested in you as you are in him.
If you’ve gone on a couple of dates with him and he hasn’t asked you any questions about you, run like an ax-murderer is chasing you. Just RUN! The best relationships are filled with mutual respect and mutual interest in each other’s lives. Self-centeredness is truly one of the worst qualities you can find in a potential mate.
Read more at YourTango.com
There’s something about hypocrisy that really bugs me. Just the whole idea of “do as I say, not as I do,” is something that can make the little vein under my eye start twitching. Therefore, I’m not big on holding people to a standard that I can’t even hold for myself; and honestly, I don’t want much from people. Just honesty.
Growing up I would hide so many of my past struggles and emotional scars and felt like I was constantly drowning. Wanting to lift my head up to get some air, but knew that that would leave me exposed, cold, and there would be no guarantee that there would be a lifeboat there waiting to rescue me. So, I kept my head underwater (metaphorically speaking). But one day, I couldn’t stand it anymore. My emotional lungs throbbed and screamed for fresh air, and I knew that if I didn’t take a deep breath soon, I wasn’t going to survive the way that I was living.
So I did it. With my middle school boyfriend, I revealed everything about me. The things that hurt, that I was ashamed of, the things that I prayed wouldn’t be accompanied with questions because, how could I explain it to him when it was my first time explaining it to myself. I felt free, happy, and knew that no matter what, I was going to cherish the moment when I finally exposed my truth. That was until this same boyfriend, after we “broke up” (we took those childish relationships so seriously, didn’t we?), told everyone in his class everything that I told him. Feeling exposed, I wanted to sink under the lockers, or start my own underground dwellers community. All the questions of: ”Is this true?!” accompanied with the “Well, that’s what Tre’ said!”
Luckily, it happened during my last week of school. I graduated a few days after, so I didn’t endure it for too long. But those days were so torturous and I remember contemplating exposing his dirt, but my morals wouldn’t allow me to, because even though he hurt me, I didn’t want to hurt him.
I realized that the reason why it hurt so much was because people were using my truth against me, so I decided to fight fire with fire. If you wanted to know Kendra, you were going to know everything short of my Social Security Number. I didn’t want anything to ever be held over me as a way of holding me in to anyone, because, frankly, I’d done it to myself for years. You had questions about me, all you had to do was go to the source.
I became so free with doing it that usually within the first few lines of communicating with someone for the first time, if you seemed like someone that I could trust, you were someone who could know all about me.
A few years later, I started to really think back on this and realized that this was just as dangerous as well. At any time there was the fear that some ex in my life could pop back in, and expose a grenade that I gave him.
Now, I’m still an advocate of being one hundred percent truthful, but I have to be honest, everyone doesn’t deserve the privilege of getting to know “Kendra” as a whole. I still don’t lie, but I recognize that trust is a byproduct of transparency, and only you can determine how trust determines how much of yourself you would like to expose. Know that are a great person, and whoever gets to know you, the real you, is an extremely lucky person. Expose wisely.
Whips, chains, clips, cuffs, harnesses, leather, lace, guests, plugs, Adult Videos, positions, role play, ropes, rings, toys, tapes, dirty talk, domination, field trips and the endless possibilities of an imaginative mind speaks to the hidden sexual fantasies that you and your partner might share. Women and men alike find adventure tantalizing–especially in the bedroom. The aftermath of 50 Shades of Grey, and the adventuresome tales from your friends and your significant other’s friends’ sex lives have raised questions of risqué risks you and the lover might want to take in bed.
When introducing the idea of new forms of adventurous sex and 4play to your partner, there are several approaches: to be straight-forward, to ask questions, provide suggestive statements and give commands. To be straight forward, simply express your desire to spice things up. Put emphasis on why you would like to try these things with him: indicating that you trust him, that you think that you both might enjoy it, or that you think that he has the stamina for it. For those who are slightly more apprehensive about taking that initial step, try proposing questions. “Would you ever try…?” “Would you like to…?” “Have you ever tried…?” “How would it feel if I…?” and “You know what I’ve always wanted to try?” This way, you gain understanding about his willingness to participate in certain things without being left to feel too vulnerable. Suggestive statements are good because desires are exposed, and much like questions, you usually get a clear response, and often your desires are met. “It turns me on when you…” “It’s s*xy when you…” or “I’ve always had this fantasy about you and me…”
Lastly, with commands, it depends greatly on your personality and whether or not you want to be bossy, but this method usually yields immediate response. Try demands like, “Come here!” “Faster/Slower.” Simply be instructive, like you’re the teacher leading test prep…except sexier.
If he’s making suggestions about new things that the two of you might try, be open-minded. It isn’t easy to share certain fantasies, so try not to make him regret it. If you feel comfortable doing said act, then indulge him; and if you don’t –just explain to him why. If there isn’t an agreement on an activity or the idea makes one of you uncomfortable, then don’t do it. A short conversation should be enough to soften either of you to the idea, and if it doesn’t, then don’t force it–simply put that topic away to be addressed in the future. You and your partner should respect the decision that the other has made.
Above all else, consent and comfort is key. Know that both you and your partner are enthusiastic and interested in whatever act will be performed, and take safety into account as well–making sure that skin and instruments are clean as a precaution before committing to any adventurous deed. There are free workshops (i.e. Babeland), countless sites, and a gaggle of books geared toward the newly sexually adventurous couple–check them out.
It’s funny how many times women come to me and say, “David, I’m so frustrated dating. I just don’t think I can date anymore.”
I’ll ask them the reasons why, and a lot of the time they’ll come up with, “It’s my ex. I can’t stop thinking about him.”
All they remember is the good times together. They only remember the happy times, not the reasons why the relationship ended.
I call it “Romanticizing The Ex Syndrome.”
It’s very typical of women who have been single for some time after a breakup.
You only think about how good your ex was to you at times. You remember what a wonderful man he was in so many ways. This is fine to a degree. It’s beautiful to look at your ex positively. And it’s important to consider all the lessons they taught you, but it’s vital you realize why you’re not with them anymore. Those are the lessons you really need to embrace and pay attention to.
We tend to romanticize the ex when we’re going through a rough patch of dating. It’s what I call the cry of a lonely girl. You date someone new but it doesn’t work out, so you start to think about your ex. You have a period where you don’t meet any quality men, and before you know it, you’re remembering all the good times you had in your last relationship.
Don’t let yourself get carried away with those thoughts. You’re just going through a dry spell. You HAVE to get over your ex before you can move on.
So why do these thoughts of past love fly through our minds?
Most the time it’s because moving forward scares us. It’s a scary proposition moving on from old partners. Moving on means we have to open up our hearts again, and that means a chance of getting hurt.
But, you have to get over your ex once and for all. It’s the only way you’re going to get on with your life, and open up to new love. So I want you to think about this today…
How often do you think of your ex?
When do you most think of them?
How does it make you feel?
Read more at YourTango.com
When I was about thirteen years old, my mother told me, “Surround yourself with people you want to be like.” Later on in life, my guru, Oprah Winfrey, was known for saying, “Surround yourself with people who lift you higher.” At the core, they are the same concept and one that I believe has been fundamental to my success. However, I have not always surrounded myself with people who support me being in a stable relationship. My guess is that many of us are members of personal communities that are unsupportive of our relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think most people intentionally do things to sabotage relationships. But, I do believe that many people can’t see past the shortcomings of their own relationships – past and present – to be the kind of support you need in your own. In plain English, we have all put our own baggage and mess on someone else’s situation. Just because your husband cheated doesn’t mean hers will too, and so forth.
For this reason, here are five ways that I believe will help ensure that the community around you is supportive of a healthy, long-lasting relationship:
1. Choose Your Friends Wisely. Many of the people that you hung out with when you were single aren’t good for the partnered you. There is a marked difference between a “road dawg” and a friend. Often times, those “road dawgs,” especially the ones that are still single, don’t want to see the change in your behavior that is necessary to maintain a relationship. Know the difference.
2. Keep Your Bedroom Private. No one should know what goes on in your bedroom except for you and your partner. If it’s good, keep it to yourself. If it’s bad, keep it to yourself. Period.
3. Befriend Other Couples. Finding other couples that are compatible with you and your partner’s tastes can be a great thing for fun double dates and outings.
Read more at Essence.com
My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. He cheated on her before, but that was not the reason why they broke up.
Her best friend and her ex boyfriend are now getting really close—I think a little too close. It bothers my friends, and I told her that if her best friend really understands how she feels about this but she still chooses to date her ex, then she s not a true friend.
I have comforted her and listened to what she has to say about this situation, but I wanted to know if there is anything else I can do to make her feel better?
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
We’ve all heard it — ”You have to be the person you want to attract.” Seems like a no brainer. In fact, it’s one of those things you hear so often you kind of quit actually hearing it. I can’t say how often I hear someone going on and on about the qualities they want in a partner, when they don’t have those qualities themselves. Bottom line: it doesn’t work. Here are some reasons why:
1. In a very practical way, if you’re out in the world experiencing the kinds of things would appreciate in a partner, you are likely to meet other people who like the kinds of things you do. By being the kind of person you want to attract, you can’t avoid being in the physical proximity of the kind of person you want to meet.
2. When something is very important to you and you aren’t giving it to yourself, you become emotionally needy, hoping someone will deliver it to you. When you’re dating, expecting someone to add value to your life in a calculated way comes off as desperate. That’s not attractive.
3. You get what you focus on: it’s science. Who you are in the world is the most accurate indicator of your focus. Who you are is a compilation of your thoughts, your behavior, your hopes and dreams. It’s a vibrational signal. Alignment is what brings things into your life. If you want a certain kind of person, you have to be in alignment with them.
The question to ask yourself is: “Am I the kind of person who my dream man or woman would fall in love with?” It not, take an honest look at what areas of your personality you could improve on. Are they also the qualities you list as “must-haves” in a potential partner?
Read more at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
Unfortunately, if you’ve played the dating game long enough you’ve probably (accidentally?) dated a married person or suspected you dated a committed/married person. You might not have any concrete evidence that they’re lying, but their actions don’t match their words. Maybe you can relate to this story.
Boy meets girl. Everything is going great. They claim to be single. They’re wonderful to hang out with – usually in awkward hours. They meet all of your needs and the rest of those superficial qualities you want in a mate. But, something just isn’t right about them. They have great text-based conversations between the hours of 8:01am – 4:59pm, THEN THEY FALL OF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!
A quick story from my own personal well of experiences…
Young WIM – literally young, I was probably 23 or so and equally as dumb in the ways of the world. I met this woman off of BlackPlanet.com (strike one) and she tells me she’s “separated” (strike two). I wasn’t even familiar with the term. I just saw a pair of 28-year-old yams that I thought needed further investigation. Anywho, flash-forward to the first night we finally have a chance to meet due to her ever-changing, frequently erratic schedule (strike three).
Why did she have Young WIM ducking behind club pillars because her husband showed up? They were indeed legally “separated” but she left out the “he’s crazy, big and liable to kill you and everyone in this club” part.
*sigh* Women, be women-ing.
Because I feel like we’re family here, I can’t lie to y’all and say #SheWasTooFine.
But I can say #SheWasThick.
Read more at SingleBlackMale.org
Writer Publicly Shames Man Who Broke Up With Her By Text (After 2 Dates); Sends Messages To His Boss
Any writer will tell you when a significant other has moved them, they will write about him or the relationship. Such is true for Quin Woodward Pu. Yesterday, Pu appeared on the talk show “Bethenny” and recounted how a man she went on two dates with broke up with her via text, which in her mind was the ultimate no-no. Their relationship began in typical 20-something fashion at the bar. Pu stated on her site, The Little Black Blog:
“It all started two weeks ago, when I met some rando at a bar. We emailed later that weekend, and I met up for a few drinks, which eventually turned to dinner, and then champagne. We had relatively good chemistry. We had dinner the following weekend (as in, two days ago), and it was equally fun. I invited him to my birthday party, which I’m holding this weekend for my closest 125 friends. He wouldn’t be in town, so he scheduled a weekend in Virginia wine country the following weekend. When we parted that day, I didn’t think much of anything. In fact, I actually headed out to a bar to meet up with a former lover from 2012, with whom I may or may not entertain a few exchanges here and there. #timesbeing.”
Though Pu comes across as your modern day Carrie Bradshaw, dating around and playing it cool until Mr. Right comes along, unfortunately she lost her cool when she received a text message the next day from her government-employed beau telling her he didn’t want to see her anymore.
What appeared to be a nice, to-the-point text message enraged Pu for some reason. She wrote:
“I was stunned into paralysis. I had no words–this never happens–and I just felt short of breath. There were many things that pissed me off, but I was so flustered I couldn’t even articulate them. Again, this is a serious problem for a writer and effusive communicator.I was still so agitated 10 hours later that I had to leave opera rehearsal early. This is a serious no-no, given that opening night is Saturday at the Organization of American States.”
I understand as a woman Pu was upset at not being able to move further with a guy she was interested in, but the way she responded to his message and what she did with his messages will make you question if she even genuinely liked him — and if she’s nuts. She texted back:
Not only did Pu lose her mind with her text response, sent also sent the text message she exchanged with her ex-beau to his supervisors. Thankfully, no disciplinary action was taken — because why would it — but the guy was horribly embarrassed, and publicly so. If you read carefully, you can see Pu projecting her true feelings. Hidden underneath all the sarcasm, it’s clear this news probably really did ruin Pu’s birthday and any hopes she had for a future relationship. What I want to know is how can someone you have only known for 20 hours have such an effect on you?
It seems Pu didn’t really get her feelings hurt but it was her ego that took a bruising. According to The Huffington Post, Pu claims she was not upset with being dumped via text. “She was actually just upset that the guy was “presumptuous” enough to think she could be broken up with.” Currently, the man who stirred this pot is still employed and Pu even claims he still keeps in touch with her. Yeah, we gave her the side-eye too.
Check out Pu’s defensive interview on “Bethenny” in the video below. What do you think about what she did?