All Articles Tagged "relationship"
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve walked down the street and been bombarded by catcalls only to ignore them and then be publicly insulted, I’d probably be up there with Oprah Winfrey in dollars. I’d be rolling in cash. In my interactions with guys on the streets, in relationships, and just in general, I’ve learned that the male ego is just as fragile as a raw egg. When cracked, things just get messy. This is true in all facets of life, including for men in the public eye.
For example, after learning about Ciara’s vow of celibacy with current boyfriend, Russell Wilson, rapper Future came out of nowhere to try and dump on his ex. He did multiple interviews dishing on some of his most intimate moments with Ciara, even going as far as to state that God didn’t tell him to wait to have sex with her, and that they would pray after doing the deed. He also decided to finally explain why their engagement didn’t work out, and of course, he made it seem like it was because she was forcing him to be someone he wasn’t meant to be. Future even publicly scolded Ciara’s parenting skills. He questioned her decision to allow her new beau to be around their son. He said that if he was a kid and his mother had a man pushing his stroller who wasn’t his father, he would’ve “jumped out the stroller and slapped the sh*t out of him.” After months and months of silence, Future decided to crash the party. Did I mention that he was in the midst of promoting a new album?
The male ego is easily scarred and only time can heal wounds. But in the entertainment industry, a man’s bruised ego can quickly produce an ugly diatribe aimed at the same woman he once claimed to love. Take Jason Derulo for example. Even after a very public and nasty split from singer Jordin Sparks last year, Derulo still has a lot to say to the media about how much he is over her and how she is “so behind him.” All this despite the fact she’s the one who has moved on and found herself in a new relationship. In a recent interview with DuJour, Derulo downplayed his three-year relationship with Sparks, which inspired quite a few love songs, including “Marry Me.” He said, “I don’t think true love can be broken so I don’t think I’ve found it yet.”
And let’s not forget the kings of the clap back: Kanye West, Tyga and Wiz Khalifa. One minute they’re in love and the next they have nothing but hurtful things to say about their exes in the media. Suddenly, Amber Rose is a ho and bad mother who you have to take multiple showers after being with, and Blac Chyna has no ambition. Unfortunately, the media eats this kind of dirt for breakfast, but do we ever stop to think about the women catching all of the heat?
Women get bad raps and sadly we always have. We get labeled as sensitive, insecure and high-maintenance. When we’re upset, we get labeled as angry and bitter. But the men we love who trash us on the way out of our lives are guilty of being just as sensitive, insecure, angry and bitter.
Of course, men put up a tough exterior like nothing phases them, but give them a dose of their own medicine (or better yet, move on and be happy!) and they crumble. They break down and turn up just as easily as women.
Celebrities aside, we’ve all found ourselves in front of the moving train that is the male ego when it’s bruised. No one likes to be hurt or publicly humiliated, but men channel their pain in some very vindictive, destructive and dangerous ways. Black women are often accused of being angry, but men, whether on the way out of a relationship or simply looking for some play on the street, can be full of anger.
As for my stressful walks to and from work, some days I find myself nervous about saying “no” to a catcall coming from the guy who spends his days loitering in front of the bodega. I don’t want to be called a b***h or some other hurtful name. Or worse. So I’m left to turn up my headphones, walk with my head down and wonder, when will men learn how to check their egos?
How many dates do you need to go on before you fall in love? How can romantic comedies save your relationship? We dug up more than a few surprising facts about relationships that might change the way you see your significant other.
Serious question: How often is Black love celebrated these days? Millenials like myself are pretty much chalking up the idea of true love to rare chance, nearly as rare as getting out of student loan debt before 30. These things simply don’t happen often enough.
In a sea of #MCM, #WCW, #relationshipgoals, Love & Hip Hop dysfunction and a mountain of scholarly articles on why we aren’t getting married, Joe Budden is further contributing to our issues with his recent comments about Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj’s relationship.
I won’t lie, when these two first got together, I thought it was a complete joke. I didn’t believe it and refused to. Then I saw the heavy social media promotion on both sides – can you believe that two people involved in a relationship are both excessively claiming each other on the ‘gram? – and accepted the new hip-hop couple. As Budden’s co-host on his podcast “I’ll Name This Podcast Later” stated, they’re cute.
For the most part, many of us ladies see sappy captions, and we melt. But the Slaughterhouse MC has an issue with the way some women swooned over the way Meek Mill looked at Nicki Minaj during their performance at the 2015 BET Awards.
“Girls are fucking idiots,” he said.
Oh. I’m sorry that a Black man on stage – who isn’t President Obama looking at Michelle or Jay Z staring at Beyoncé – makes us smile. I think it’s actually refreshing. But I don’t find Budden’s critiques of their relationship anywhere near delightful. In fact, I find his reasoning for considering Meek Mill’s open display of adoration as “nasty” to be even more trippy.
“Meek’s music is too hard for me to look at him with this fucking sappy fuck shit. Be the hardcore guy that I’m sure she was attracted to at some point,” Budden said.
Ah, yes. Be hard. “Be a man.” Here we go again with that.
Sure, I blast Meek Mill when I’m feeling a little thuggish on my morning commute, but I do the same with Jay Z. Why is Meek Mill scrutinized for openly adoring Nicki Minaj when Jigga has done the same thing on countless stages and for an entire tour? Perhaps Budden knows that if he tried to criticize Jay, the vet would lyrically assassinate him on wax, and the Beygency would probably wage war across countries – he simply would not be safe.
But as far as Nicki’s “type,” how does he know what it is she is attracted to? And most importantly, why does Meek Mill’s personality have to be one-dimensional to folks? It’s typically the toughest men who are the softest on the inside. We all crave and certainly deserve love and tenderness, and there is more to people than just the persona we see on social media, through their records and when they’re with one group of people versus another. We all manage to have significant parts of ourselves that we only expose to certain people.
Joey, if you’re jealous of Meek just say you’re jealous of Meek. There is nothing “simp” or “nasty” about the way the Philly rapper salutes his girlfriend. We should stop discouraging rappers, athletes (Hey, Russell Wilson) and everyday men for that matter, from openly expressing the way they feel about the women they love. It’s not a weakness. In fact, it can be a beautiful thing when done right. As Minaj expressed via Twitter, “Why would you be bothered by another man showing love to his girl? Let’s celebrate black love.”
There aren’t enough positive relationships being celebrated or even cultivated today. And considering that Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj seem happy while Budden (and the world) has seen his own romantic life go to hell in a handbasket, he has no room to tell anybody how they should express or handle themselves in their relationship. I’m sure Tahiry and Kaylin Garcia have plenty advice for him…
These days it seems like everyone is trying to save a dollar, and rightfully so. With limited salary increases, shaky job stability, and the harsh reality of unemployment, it’s only natural to find ways where you can cut back a little.
But does that mean you don’t properly invest in a friend or family member’s business?
I get excited when I hear of people I know trying to create their own path in the entrepreneurial game. It’s not an easy task which is one of the reasons why so many small businesses fail in their first year. Yet even with this knowledge, you wouldn’t believe the number of folks who expect, or in some cases demand, special treatment when it comes to pricing. Can’t they get their business off the ground first before you come in with a long list of things you want for a discount or free?
When I got married three years ago, I wanted to treat my bridal party (I had seven members …yes, seven) to something nice. My nuptials were in the morning which meant we all had to get up early in order to be ready for pre-wedding photos and other small needs. Most of us barely wear makeup, let alone know how to glam up our faces. Because of this, I decided to hire a friend of mine who was growing a makeup artist side business. She has come to my home in the past to practice her airbrush techniques for photo shoots and was very talented.
Rather than use our friendship to my advantage by asking for a discount upfront, I thought it was best to respect her hustle and pay full price. Luckily she did give me a bit of a discount which I was happy to pay. Who’s gonna argue with that?
She later approached me and said thanks for not asking or expecting a hookup. Apparently, many of her gal pals would try to guilt her into doing their makeup for free so they could go to a special occasion, birthday gathering, or hit the town for the heck of it.
It’s understandable that folks would like a little something something for having a relationship with a business owner. Whether a close family member or friend, it’s always nice to receive special treatment. Many of us would provide it if we were able. That however does not mean you demand discounts, which can turn the line between a business transaction and personal relationship into a blurry one.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve visited a small boutique and seen someone who obviously knows the owner roll up with a basket of items and say “put it on my tab.” What’s this tab you speak of? And who exactly is supposed to pay it? And when?
At the end of the day, we all need to respect each other’s hustles. If you know someone who has a small business, remember they’re doing everything they can to make it successful. Like us, they have monthly bills, obligations and need to provide for their families. How do you expect them to meet their bottom line if they’re always giving out special discounts and freebies?
Unfortunately, some relationships turn sour when people actually get mad at not receiving a perk. I don’t think business owners are trying to be mean if they deny the request. Perhaps times are slow and they really need the money. You aren’t in their books and have no clue about their situation.
Should you receive perks from someone who sells a good or service, that’s great. Just don’t go around expecting anything because you know them.
Okay, before we dive into this topic. Let’s step up a scenario.
It’s a Friday night and you’re out with a group of your girlfriends. From across the room, you see a beautiful pair of brown eyes staring at you. Curious, you stare back. The handsome gentlemen with the beautiful brown eyes approaches you and starts a conversation. The two of you have hit it off and exchange numbers. At the same time, as you’re exchanging numbers, you see your best friend giving you a strange look. After the gentlemen leaves, and you’re on cloud 9 from having a great conversation with the gentlemen, you’re best friend walks over. After asking you how it went, she tells you, “Yeah I had a one night stand with him once.”
Aw Sh*t! I can hear your heartbreaking from here. Now, you’re left with the painful decide of whether or not you’ll give this man the time of the day. So, what’s your verdict?
For many, the answer is flat out no. Real friends, don’t share their leftovers, period. However, what about the group of you that say yes? Are you totally comfortable with being with someone that has seen one of your friends naked?
In a excerpt from a book proposal he’s attempting to sell, Lil Wayne tells the story of what happened to him when he found out his girlfriend slept with Drake.
According to the story, Drake visited him while he was in jail and confessed to the fact that he slept with his girlfriend. Drake said, “Yeah, it’s true. Don’t f*** with her like that cause I did f*** her.”
Wayne writes, “This is the type of s*** that a man never wants to find out when he’s locked up. Or, maybe so, cause only God knows what I would have done if I wasn’t locked up right now.”
Wayne admits in the proposal he and his GF argued a lot, and that may be why Drake said, “Don’t f*** with her like that.” As for the timeline, Wayne says the woman told him she had sex with Drake the day BEFORE they met.
Wait a minute, let’s pause right there. She had SEX with DRAKE BEFORE they met. So, technically, she was Drake’s one night stand. She had sex with him before she even met Lil Wayne. So, what makes Lil Wayne so upset. Is it really because she slept with Drake?
This is the perfect example of what someone would do in a situation like this. Again, we ask, would you ever date your friend’s one night stand? Apparently, Lil Wayne would not.
It’s no secret that women find themselves in situations where they’re pulling the financial weight in a relationship. According to a Pew Study published in 2013, nearly 40 percent of women with children under 18 were the sole or primary earners in their family in 2011 based on U.S. Census Bureau data.
An income gap can cause tension in a relationship especially when a partner is struggling to locate a job. To find out how women can approach this situation with their partner, MadameNoire asked three relationship coaches to weigh in on the topic.
Motivating and uplifting
When your partner is job hunting your first instinct may be to step in with lots of encouragement. Kara Stevens, life coach and founder of The Frugal Feminista (and a contributor here at MN), suggests that women first ask their partner how they want to be motivated along their job search before jumping in. You may assume that your partner wants a hands on approach when they prefer little intervention from you other than cheering them on occasionally.
Either way, when you are being encouraging, remind your partner that they’re worth more than a paycheck. Stevens also recommends encouraging them to pursue entrepreneurial endeavors to use their skills outside of working for someone else.
Adding another perspective, Atiya, aka the Marriage Strategist, believes the best way to support a man during his job search is to “big up” his gifts and talents.
“Men need to be admired and appreciated,” she says. “When a woman consistently reinforces his worth and value as a man and reminds him of all the things she admires and appreciates about him, it helps to give him the necessary drive and positive energy to do more and better.”
Feeling resentful when a partner is out of work is common. To overcome it, Kandace Jones, certified life coach and author of From Stress to Peace, suggests that the working partner reflect daily on what they are grateful for in their partner.
“This helps take the focus off what they are not currently able to do, and re-connects the working spouse to what they fell in love with. When practiced consistently, this can diffuse negative emotions and help the couple avoid the exchange of harsh words,” Jones explains.
Atiya also advises women to avoid projecting disappointments and to be mature about the situation. Rather than focusing on her own needs, she must focus on the needs of her man and household as her actions “determine the positive energy flow in the house.”
Dealing with extended unemployment and financial difficulty
Stevens suggests women be understanding of how long it takes to find work in certain industries. Depending on the profession, a job search can take several months to a year. So before rushing into judgment about a partner’s extended job search, consider the type of job they’re attempting to secure. Jobs that pay more generally take a longer time to acquire.
During a gap in employment couples may experience financial difficulty and Stevens recommends implementing a strict budget and locating ways to make side income.
According to Stevens, “Adjusting your budget to find out what’s a need and what’s a want can streamline some of your expenses. Locate things that you can sell and try to find more streams of income through entrepreneurship. If the job search takes longer, you do have skills and abilities outside of work you can use to make money.”
Although hindsight is 20-20, she recommends preparing for hardship or job loss by “living below your means” and understanding that full-time jobs are not always secure.
Working as a team
As far as helping a partner find a job, tread carefully.
Jones explains that a woman’s intention may be to help their partner, but “it can be perceived as viewing the unemployed spouse as unfit to look for work on their own.” Instead, she suggests that women engage in conversation about their partner’s ideal position in order to turn what may be perceived as an attack into a discussion based on genuine support and interest.
In this episode of One Bold Move, we show a few series extras that didn't make the final cut. Curly Nikki gives tips on maintaining natural hair for kids, YouTuber Missy Lynn gives advice for makeup newcomers, The Curvy Fashionista addresses plus-size fashion misconceptions, Mother/Daughter fitness duo Ellen and Lana Ector share their fitness inspiration and the co-founders of Black Girls Run! discuss whether you have to workout to stay in a relationship. What do you think? Let us know in the comments section below.
It isn’t just the season to be jolly. It’s also the number one time of year for fights with your significant other. If you want your relationship to survive the holidays, consider some of these tips.
Save First-Time Family Meetings For Another Time
The holidays are about family but there is such a thing as “too soon” when it comes to meeting the folks. Spare your relationship the stress and save the family meetings for a less-stressful time of the year.
Are you starting to forget what your friends look like? Using the royal “we?” These might be signs you’re spending too much time with your significant other.
All of Your Stories Are About Him
So even when your friends do catch you alone, they still feel like he’s there in spirit.
By Christian Carter, From YourTango
Imagine you’re seeing a new man. You’re spending more and more time with him, and the two of you are really hitting it off. Every time you’re together, you connect and grow closer. So … why isn’t he moving things forward fast enough? Can’t he see how great the two of you are together? Shouldn’t you remind him?
The Two Relationship Roles
Yes, it’s frustrating to spend more and more time with someone when it’s obvious he’s not taking the relationship to the next level (at least as quickly as you’d like). You might be tempted to talk to him about your relationship to make him see why he should make more of a commitment.
Before you schedue the “big talk”, you should know that there’s a dynamic that happens in relationships that can short-circuit this effort. When one person becomes the “convincer” — the person trying to make the other see why they SHOULD do something — then the other person naturally takes on the role of the “resister.” The more the convincer pushes, the more the resister resists! And if you’re the convincer in your relationship, your partner will naturally withdraw from you. You’ll start feeling insecure, and he’ll withdraw even more. It’s a vicious cycle.
Understand His Commitment Timeline
There are always exceptions, but men tend to move toward commitment at a much slower pace than women. A man needs to feel what it’s like to have you in his life before he realizes how much happier he is with you than without. This needs to happen gradually and over time.
A man also wants to feel that you want him, not just a commitment. He has his own fears — namely, that a woman is more interested in her own agenda than in him as a person. So the best thing you can do to speed up a man’s commitment pace is to steady your own. Stay present during the journey and resist the urge to focus solely on the destination. Make him feel, every step of the way, that you appreciate him and enjoy being with him.
Read more about maintaining your relationship at YourTango.com