All Articles Tagged "relationship"

Khloe Kardashian: The Epitome Of A Ride-Or-Die Chick

October 26th, 2015 - By Charing Ball
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I wish Lamar Odom a speedy recovery. Sincerely.

Still, I have questions. I specifically have a question about love. Or, should I say, how we choose to love.

I have loved some dudes. Some of it was healthy love. Most of it was not. I have loved some dudes who treated me badly. I have loved some dudes who lied and cheated. I have loved some dudes who did not respect me in the least.

But even I, in my most unhealthy of love moments, do not think I could run back and stick by the side of a man who was found unconscious from drugs inside of a brothel.

Don’t get me wrong: I am not heartless. I would definitely see him in the hospital. I would also send him flowers, cookies and pray for him. Heck,  I might even help with medical decisions and contribute a few dollars to the cause.

But the divorce, which had been over two years in the making, would go on as scheduled.

And it has nothing to do with whether or not I love him anymore. But as some of us who have labored too long in unhealthy relationships already know, you need to consider your own well-being, and more importantly, your own happiness.

So, this is me hypothetically trying to get out of that situation. And I am trying to go to therapy to figure out my co-dependency issues and what was I hoping to gain for myself by attempting to fix an already troubled man. I am also trying to set and live by the boundaries I created.

I am sure that is what I would do. I am almost certain of it. Well…it is what I envisioned I would do at least.

It’s hard to know for sure, especially when society itself seems to hold special reverence for being a ride-or-die chick. Or should I say some ride-or-die chicks. Some ride-or-die chicks are just dismissed as stupid. And others get to be Khloe Kardashian.

And let’s not get it twisted: For all her wealth, fame and, ahem, prestige, Khloe Kardashian is the epitome of a ride-or-die chick.

Let’s think about this for a minute.

Odom’s recent overdose is just the latest in a long line of troubles, including numerous reports of partying with strippers, infidelity, drug binges and failed rehab attempts. The situation had gotten so bad that Kardashian decided to pull the plug on a reality television show that had been centered around their marriage. She said she did it so that she could “support” her husband as he worked on getting his basketball career back on track.

During the couple’s hiatus from television, they would break up and make up several times throughout the course of their relationship. Although all signs pointed to a divorce, Kardashian told People magazine back in 2012: “I’m a modern girl, but you should put your husband first,” she says. “I like to think divorce is not an option.”

But shortly after a video surfaced, which showed the former Dallas Maverick rapping about using drugs and having several mistresses, Kardashian decided to file for divorce.

As far as the world was concerned, Kardashian had finally sobered up. And it certainly appeared like she had moved on. Not only had she lost weight, changed her hair color and added some extra “accessories,” but she had been linked to a number of eligible bachelors, including French Montana and James Harden.

That was until a couple of weeks ago, when once again, her “husband” found himself in trouble. The same kind of trouble that he had been getting into repeatedly during their marriage. Instead of taking his latest relapse as a sign that she had made the right decision by getting out of that hole and moving on with her life, Kardashian decided to dig deeper. She not only rushed to join him by his bedside, but she also decided to, once again, work on her marriage.

Let’s say this together: Ride or die.

Perhaps it is true that love conquers all and that sometimes we have to weather the storm. That is what we learn about relationships from the fairy tales, romance novels, and our religious teachings. But the reality is that most women (and men) usually don’t always fare too well in these type of ride-or-die circumstances. In many instances, a woman can easily find themselves broke, heartbroken, mentally ill, disease-infested, in jail or even dead.

A great read on the consequences of being a ride-or-die chick is the essay entitled “What Happened to Kiesha?” which first ran on the website Ride or Die Project, a site dedicated to demystifying the trials and tribulations of women who stay in toxic relationships.

As the title suggests, in the essay, writer Amanda Parris breaks down the tragic life of the Kiesha character from the 1998 Hip-Hop film Belly. Although she is a fictional character, Kiesha has become sort of a symbol of not only steadfast loyalty, but also a type of beauty, which was missing from the “light-made-basically-white, surgically enhanced, highly photo-shopped images of beauty paraded with little disruption in today’s Hip Hop scene.”

But as Parris notes, this admiration we have for Kiesha never really translates into actual concern for her well-being. In spite of all of her beauty and faithfulness, Kiesha spends a good portion of the film monitoring the whereabouts of her philandering and ephebophile boyfriend, Tommy. She also physically fights and is brutalized by a home intruder who is after her boyfriend. And finally, she defends herself against the FBI after Tommy locks her up in jail for refusing to snitch on her boyfriend who has now flown the coup.

As Parris notes about this twisted admiration we have for Kiesha:

Absent are the images of her fighting for her life, in the moment left to pay for the decisions made by her lover. What happened to Keisha? What happens to a woman who is repeatedly betrayed, abandoned, incarcerated and assaulted? What happens to a woman who puts her lover at the center of her world when that lover leaves? What happens to a woman who does not have homegirls or support systems that can build her up when the world tries to break her down? What happens to a woman who loves someone that is targeted by the state and in turn becomes the state’s target? What happens to a woman who has learned how to fight for someone else but has no one to fight for her?

You can almost say the same thing about Kardashian.

The most interesting aspect of her toxic relationship to Odom is how well-received it has been by the mainstream. Unlike the lottery winner who was vilified and dragged throughout social media for spending her money bailing her drug-dealing boyfriend out of prison, Kardashian is painted almost angelically for going back and helping Odom on his road to recovery. Of course, some have speculated that her sudden benevolence is all for the sake of money and possibly ratings.

While that might be true, nowhere in any of this criticism is there any concern about the actual prudence of being devoted to a man who is troubled, and as a result of his troubles, does her harm.

And this is not to say that I think we should go around belittling women who opt to ride hard for their relationships. And while I truly believe Kardashian is setting herself up for a world of hurt, the truth is she is much more protected (emotionally, financially and spiritually) than the average Kiesha would be in similar circumstances. But I do think the Kardashian’s public relations machine and the media are both masking some pretty regressive values and ideas around this idea that love conquers all.

And I also feel like we should be conscious of the narrative that continue to tell women that the only way to be a good woman in a relationship, as well as in life, is to be a dedicated dumping ground for a man’s wayward seeds, sins and lack of self-esteem.

After all, what could she have seen in Odom in this latest incident, which led her to believe him to be a better man? And no, almost dying doesn’t count.

I wish both Odom and Kardashian well. But I do believe that his demons are deeper than his drug addiction. And truthfully, so are hers.

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive: Do Cheaters Really Deserve A Second Chance?

September 20th, 2015 - By Brooke Dean
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When commuting to and from work on crowded trains, it’s hard not to overhear other people’s conversations. One in particular this morning that caught my attention was between two women contemplating if woman #1 should take back her man, whom she apparently discovered had cheated on her. Woman #1 was clearly hurt and confused and had no idea what she should do. Woman #2, however, didn’t hesitate to give #1 her advice:  give him another chance. When woman #1 asked why – in disbelief – her friend answered plainly, “Because everyone deserves a second chance.”

But do they really? Not so fast…

I’ve been in the same situation myself more times than I’d like to admit, and in every instance I can’t say that I’ve reacted the same. There have been times where a guy I was dating had cheated and I gave him a second chance. There have also been times where I’ve promptly kicked a guy to the curb after the dreaded ‘C’ word left his lips. Sometimes it was a one-time cheat deal, other times it was a full-blown affair that had lasted for months without me having a clue what was going on. Each situation was different, each man was different and each outcome was different. But still, in no way did I feel that any of the men who had cheated on me deserved a second chance. The decision was all mine; and any outcome of that decision was for me to deal with – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Sometimes I got it wrong. There were times I decided to forgive (but not forget), and I was cheated on a second, third and fourth time. Sure, you can call me crazy on that one. I really was hoping he’d change. When it finally hit me that he would never change unless he wanted to, I concluded that people treat you how you allow them to treat you. Therefore, giving second chances could be your invitation to more heartache.

But I also know that there are men and women out there who, if given a second chance to right their wrongs, would do better. The hard part is in knowing who those people are. That’s where keen judgment, character assessment, taking a risk and stumbling upon luck come into play. You can’t know who “deserves” a second chance until you actually give it to them, so what to do?

There is no right or wrong answer, but whatever your decision when faced with infidelity and whether or not to give your mate a second chance, remember this – a person who has betrayed you is owed nothing. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for a short time, long time, are married, share children, you name it – the decision to forgive and move on is yours to make only and shouldn’t be anything you feel forced to do. You didn’t choose to be betrayed, so the betrayer shouldn’t expect you to take them back.

However if you do decide to forgive, make sure you do just that – forgive. Be sure to move on from the past situation, too.  While you may never forget what happened, the only way to truly move past the hurt of infidelity is to give yourself and your partner permission to heal. This means not bringing it up every chance you get or throwing it in their face. If you can’t do this, that means the trust is irrevocably broken and therefore the relationship is over.

Also, don’t apologize to anyone or explain your reasoning as to why you took you significant other back to anyone. It’s your choice and others should respect it. If you’re worried about what others will think, then either you’re not ready to forgive or you shouldn’t forgive at all. It’s hard when folks are in your ear telling you what to do, so be sure to thoroughly discuss what happened with your partner and how you want to move forward before you go spilling your tea to friends and family. Get counseling first if you’re conflicted. Even if you aren’t, a third party may be able to help you sift through your emotions and help you make the best decision for yourself.

Lastly, don’t take any blame for the betrayal, and forgive yourself for any doubt you may have cast upon yourself. Your self-esteem can take a serious hit once you’ve discovered you’ve been cheated on, but your partner’s actions shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself – especially since you are not the one who cheated. In working past infidelity with your partner, it’s okay to be a part of the solution in helping to change the dynamic of your relationship – but the responsibility is ultimately on them to gain your trust back. If  he or she is genuinely sorry, has taken responsibility for their actions and you’re willing to work on regaining trust and rebuilding, then the betrayer should consider that a gift – not a right.

My Sister The Muslimah: Why I Admire My Sibling For Converting And Finding Her Own Peace

September 19th, 2015 - By Brooke Dean
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When my sister starting dating her now husband in 1997, my mother and I didn’t think it would lead to a long-term relationship. We thought she was just dating and having fun. Besides, he couldn’t speak a lick of English. Add to that the fact that he was a Muslim, we just thought their worlds were too different. Well, were we wrong. Now 18 years and two kids later, she’s a happily married woman. She’s also now a devout Muslim, and I am Christian.

I remember the moment, day and time she told me; it was about six years ago.  We were watching TV at her house, just hanging out like we usually do. We have such a great relationship where we don’t even need to talk to enjoy each others company, but I recall her being abnormally silent that day. While normally she’s commenting on characters from a show or chatting during commercials, she seemed preoccupied. Finally, she turned to me and said, “I have something to tell you.” Anytime someone has bad news, they usually prep you with such a line, so I was thinking she was going to tell me that someone was terminally ill or something because she seemed scared. I stared at her as she struggled to get the words out. “I converted to Islam,” she finally spat out.

“Whew! Was that all?!” I thought to myself, breathing a heavy sigh of relief.

My sister and her husband were well into their marriage by the time my sister decided to convert. During their entire courtship he always maintained that he loved her even though she was a Christian and had no problem marrying outside of his faith. He would always answer questions if she asked him anything about Islam, but he never rammed it down her throat. The only request he had was is if they had kids, could they be raised under the Muslim faith. She agreed but under one condition: if their kids asked about Christmas or any Christian holiday, she could choose to share her faith with them if they wanted to learn. He agreed. So there they were, with the Christmas tree and Easter baskets. They were happy, but I did notice that my sister had become more and more curious about Islam – not just for the sake of her son, but for her own desire to connect with something greater than herself.

Although we had gone to church our entire childhood, I never really felt like my sister shared the same beliefs we were taught. There’s nothing wrong with questioning religion or anything else you might have been led to believe your entire life. I remember a conversation we had where she said her husband had such a “peace” about him and that he attributed it to Islam. She wanted that same peace, and I knew that the more she inquired, the more she was leaning towards converting to Islam. Her revelation came as no surprise to me; however she was afraid that I would condemn her for turning her back on Jesus and Christianity or leaving me to celebrate Christmas by myself. Actually, her revealing that she had converted was the happiest I had ever been for her because I knew she had finally found the peace she was looking for. It was a brave thing to do, and I admired her for it.

Now that we both have children, it’s interesting to celebrate different holidays with them. Even though we worship under different faiths, we always are sure to respect each others decisions. And while my nephews understand that Auntie isn’t Muslim, they always remind me that God loves me too. At such a young age, they have a firm grasp of tolerance and acceptance. We all understand that God is one, and we are all loved under him.

In a world with diverse religions and spiritual beliefs there are many paths to God, and we stand before him (or her) alone on Judgment Day. Some people make their own religion. Some don’t believe in anything. Some believe in something higher than themselves, even if they don’t give “it” a name. For many, religion or spirituality is a matter of salvation, while for others it’s simply a matter of comfort. As a family, we are aware of God and his power, and we know that each of us are an expression of all that God is – no matter what you call him. My sister is a beautiful Muslimah and I’m a proud Christian – but our love for each other remains unwavering. No matter whose religion is “right” or “wrong,” I believe our spirits will connect in whatever afterlife there may be. But for now, I cherish our days here on earth.

Should You Throw Away Love Because A Man Doesn’t Fit Your Ideal Standards?

September 6th, 2015 - By Brooke Dean
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"Marriage Proposal"


When I began dating, I had a list of the types of men that I would so-called never date. This list included married men, men with children, men who didn’t get along with their mothers, men who didn’t believe in God, and the list goes on. However, as began to I approach my 30’s, I began to relax that list a bit and take a different approaching to dating. I began to venture outside of my bullet point list and dated men with children and men weren’t Christian but who believed in “something” greater than themselves. I figured if a good guy came in a package that wasn’t necessarily what I expected, I should still give him chance a because I could be missing out on something great. So, I adjusted my list.

Today, I’m married to a man who has been divorced before and has three kids. Talk about relaxing my standards, huh? When I broke the news to my mother about my new suitor, she wasn’t too thrilled, and I can’t say I blame her. I have a son and if he came to me saying he’d met a woman who was divorced with three kids by three different men, I’d probably react with a hesitant pause. Even still, with my son I am raising him to have keen judgment when it comes to people and comprehend that none of those things will matter in the end. But I’d be lying if I said people don’t judge others at all, even just a tiny bit. Although he was the exact opposite of everything I imagined I wanted, I couldn’t bring myself to say no when he proposed. Despite it all, I had already managed to fall in love with him–divorce, three kids and all.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having standards and not settling. However, there also is nothing wrong with marrying a man who is the total opposite of everything your friends, family or even you thought you’d end up with. It’s hard to imagine that a person could fall in love with someone who falls on their list of “don’ts” but it can happen. Everyone is different and that’s what makes our intimate relationships unique. But with that being said, there still has to be a line drawn in the sand somewhere. That’s where you have to pose some questions to yourself: What would make you not marry someone? Would you throw love away because you know you can’t raise a child with someone who is a Muslim per se? Or who has five ex wives? Should you ignore red flags in the face of love or would that be relationship suicide?

For some, the list of deal breakers gets longer as you get older simply because you experience more things you don’t want to be involved with. Also, with age, you have more time to sort through your issues and pretty much expect your potential partner to have done the same. Before I married my husband, I thought I knew myself and what I could and could not deal with – therefore I thought he’d never become my husband – until he did. I changed my mind and his love convinced me that maybe what I thought I knew was actually wrong all this time. I gave in. I simply couldn’t help it; I had to be true to myself.

Although I relaxed my list, I still kept a fair amount of my standards in tact. So, just how strict should we be?  While I see nothing wrong with being selective, I honestly am not sure if we are blocking our blessings by being so set in our ways. I can say that believe promptly weeding out undesirable suitors vastly improves the quality of the relationship once you find him. In my case, I drew a line, tested the waters, comfortably crossed it and have been happy ever since.

Happily Never After? When Do You Know That The Relationship Is (Finally) Over?

August 23rd, 2015 - By Brooke Dean
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If you’re a Basketball Wives fan and love all shenanigans pertaining to Draya Michele, you may know that she and her baller boo Orlando Scandrick have a drama-filled relationship, to say the least. First, the couple were engaged and soon after Scandrick called things off. Then came the reports of Orlando filing a restraining order against Draya after he claimed that she threatened to throw bleach in his eyes, pepper sprayed him and threw his pricey Yeezy sneakers in the pool. Sheesh! Just a few weeks later, Draya confidently aired out their dirty laundry in an interview saying that she was never served with papers from Orlando and they had reconciled. And when the drama looked like it had subsided, the on-and-off again couple were throwing low blows at each other on Instagram. Messy, much?

While it all seems like a bit of a roller coaster ride, you don’t have to be a reality TV star to get caught in the drama of on-again, off-again relationships. We all can probably relate to not knowing when enough is enough and when it’s time to call it quits and end a relationship for good. Usually it’s obvious when there is just nothing left to give or the last line has been crossed. But if you’re not sure when it’s time to end it or you simply don’t want to face it, click through these next slides for our run down of the tell-tale signs that it’s over.

When Men Clap Back: An Examination Of The Bruised Male Ego

July 22nd, 2015 - By Deja Jones
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If I had a dollar for every time I’ve walked down the street and been bombarded by catcalls only to ignore them and then be publicly insulted, I’d probably be up there with Oprah Winfrey in dollars. I’d be rolling in cash. In my interactions with guys on the streets, in relationships, and just in general, I’ve learned that the male ego is just as fragile as a raw egg. When cracked, things just get messy. This is true in all facets of life, including for men in the public eye.

For example, after learning about Ciara’s vow of celibacy with current boyfriend, Russell Wilson, rapper Future came out of nowhere to try and dump on his ex. He did multiple interviews dishing on some of his most intimate moments with Ciara, even going as far as to state that God didn’t tell him to wait to have sex with her, and that they would pray after doing the deed. He also decided to finally explain why their engagement didn’t work out, and of course, he made it seem like it was because she was forcing him to be someone he wasn’t meant to be. Future even publicly scolded Ciara’s parenting skills.  He questioned her decision to allow her new beau to be around their son. He said that if he was a kid and his mother had a man pushing his stroller who wasn’t his father, he would’ve “jumped out the stroller and slapped the sh*t out of him.” After months and months of silence, Future decided to crash the party. Did I mention that he was in the midst of promoting a new album?

The male ego is easily scarred and only time can heal wounds. But in the entertainment industry, a man’s bruised ego can quickly produce an ugly diatribe aimed at the same woman he once claimed to love. Take Jason Derulo for example. Even after a very public and nasty split from singer Jordin Sparks last year, Derulo still has a lot to say to the media about how much he is over her and how she is “so behind him.” All this despite the fact she’s the one who has moved on and found herself in a new relationship. In a recent interview with DuJour, Derulo downplayed his three-year relationship with Sparks, which inspired quite a few love songs, including “Marry Me.” He said, “I don’t think true love can be broken so I don’t think I’ve found it yet.”

And let’s not forget the kings of the clap back: Kanye West, Tyga and Wiz Khalifa. One minute they’re in love and the next they have nothing but hurtful things to say about their exes in the media. Suddenly, Amber Rose is a ho and bad mother who you have to take multiple showers after being with, and Blac Chyna has no ambition. Unfortunately, the media eats this kind of dirt for breakfast, but do we ever stop to think about the women catching all of the heat?

Women get bad raps and sadly we always have. We get labeled as sensitive, insecure and high-maintenance. When we’re upset, we get labeled as angry and bitter. But the men we love who trash us on the way out of our lives are guilty of being just as sensitive, insecure, angry and bitter.

Of course, men put up a tough exterior like nothing phases them, but give them a dose of their own medicine (or better yet, move on and be happy!) and they crumble. They break down and turn up just as easily as women.

Celebrities aside, we’ve all found ourselves in front of the moving train that is the male ego when it’s bruised. No one likes to be hurt or publicly humiliated, but men channel their pain in some very vindictive, destructive and dangerous ways. Black women are often accused of being angry, but men, whether on the way out of a relationship or simply looking for some play on the street, can be full of anger.

As for my stressful walks to and from work, some days I find myself nervous about saying “no” to a catcall coming from the guy who spends his days loitering in front of the bodega.  I don’t want to be called a b***h or some other hurtful name. Or worse. So I’m left to turn up my headphones, walk with my head down and wonder, when will men learn how to check their egos?

The Magic Date Number And More Surprising Facts About Relationships

July 13th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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How many dates do you need to go on before you fall in love? How can romantic comedies save your relationship? We dug up more than a few surprising facts about relationships that might change the way you see your significant other.

Why Joe Budden And Other Folks Should Stop Hating On Meek Mill And Nicki Minaj’s Relationship

July 8th, 2015 - By Alexandra Olivier
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Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill

Serious question: How often is Black love celebrated these days? Millenials like myself are pretty much chalking up the idea of true love to rare chance, nearly as rare as getting out of student loan debt before 30. These things simply don’t happen often enough.

In a sea of #MCM, #WCW, #relationshipgoals, Love & Hip Hop dysfunction and a mountain of scholarly articles on why we aren’t getting married, Joe Budden is further contributing to our issues with his recent comments about Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj’s relationship.

I won’t lie, when these two first got together, I thought it was a complete joke. I didn’t believe it and refused to. Then I saw the heavy social media promotion on both sides – can you believe that two people involved in a relationship are both excessively claiming each other on the ‘gram? – and accepted the new hip-hop couple. As Budden’s co-host on his podcast “I’ll Name This Podcast Later” stated, they’re cute.

For the most part, many of us ladies see sappy captions, and we melt. But the Slaughterhouse MC has an issue with the way some women swooned over the way Meek Mill looked at Nicki Minaj during their performance at the 2015 BET Awards.

“Girls are fucking idiots,” he said.

Oh. I’m sorry that a Black man on stage – who isn’t President Obama looking at Michelle or Jay Z staring at Beyoncé – makes us smile. I think it’s actually refreshing. But I don’t find Budden’s critiques of their relationship anywhere near delightful. In fact, I find his reasoning for considering Meek Mill’s open display of adoration as “nasty” to be even more trippy.

“Meek’s music is too hard for me to look at him with this fucking sappy fuck shit. Be the hardcore guy that I’m sure she was attracted to at some point,” Budden said.

Ah, yes. Be hard. “Be a man.” Here we go again with that.

Sure, I blast Meek Mill when I’m feeling a little thuggish on my morning commute, but I do the same with Jay Z. Why is Meek Mill scrutinized for openly adoring Nicki Minaj when Jigga has done the same thing on countless stages and for an entire tour? Perhaps Budden knows that if he tried to criticize Jay, the vet would lyrically assassinate him on wax, and the Beygency would probably wage war across countries – he simply would not be safe.

But as far as Nicki’s “type,” how does he know what it is she is attracted to? And most importantly, why does Meek Mill’s personality have to be one-dimensional to folks? It’s typically the toughest men who are the softest on the inside. We all crave and certainly deserve love and tenderness, and there is more to people than just the persona we see on social media, through their records and when they’re with one group of people versus another. We all manage to have significant parts of ourselves that we only expose to certain people.

Joey, if you’re jealous of Meek just say you’re jealous of Meek. There is nothing “simp” or “nasty” about the way the Philly rapper salutes his girlfriend. We should stop discouraging rappers, athletes (Hey, Russell Wilson) and everyday men for that matter, from openly expressing the way they feel about the women they love. It’s not a weakness. In fact, it can be a beautiful thing when done right. As Minaj expressed via Twitter, “Why would you be bothered by another man showing love to his girl? Let’s celebrate black love.”

There aren’t enough positive relationships being celebrated or even cultivated today. And considering that Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj seem happy while Budden (and the world) has seen his own romantic life go to hell in a handbasket, he has no room to tell anybody how they should express or handle themselves in their relationship. I’m sure Tahiry and Kaylin Garcia have plenty advice for him…


Should You Expect Discounts From A Friend Or Family-Owned Business?

April 20th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Black small business owner


These days it seems like everyone is trying to save a dollar, and rightfully so. With limited salary increases, shaky job stability, and the harsh reality of unemployment, it’s only natural to find ways where you can cut back a little.

But does that mean you don’t properly invest in a friend or family member’s business?

I get excited when I hear of people I know trying to create their own path in the entrepreneurial game. It’s not an easy task which is one of the reasons why so many small businesses fail in their first year. Yet even with this knowledge, you wouldn’t believe the number of folks who expect, or in some cases demand, special treatment when it comes to pricing. Can’t they get their business off the ground first before you come in with a long list of things you want for a discount or free?

When I got married three years ago, I wanted to treat my bridal party (I had seven members …yes, seven) to something nice. My nuptials were in the morning which meant we all had to get up early in order to be ready for pre-wedding photos and other small needs. Most of us barely wear makeup, let alone know how to glam up our faces. Because of this, I decided to hire a friend of mine who was growing a makeup artist side business. She has come to my home in the past to practice her airbrush techniques for photo shoots and was very talented.

Rather than use our friendship to my advantage by asking for a discount upfront, I thought it was best to respect her hustle and pay full price. Luckily she did give me a bit of a discount which I was happy to pay. Who’s gonna argue with that?

She later approached me and said thanks for not asking or expecting a hookup. Apparently, many of her gal pals would try to guilt her into doing their makeup for free so they could go to a special occasion, birthday gathering, or hit the town for the heck of it.

It’s understandable that folks would like a little something something for having a relationship with a business owner. Whether a close family member or friend, it’s always nice to receive special treatment. Many of us would provide it if we were able. That however does not mean you demand discounts, which can turn the line between a business transaction and personal relationship into a blurry one.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve visited a small boutique and seen someone who obviously knows the owner roll up with a basket of items and say “put it on my tab.” What’s this tab you speak of? And who exactly is supposed to pay it? And when?

At the end of the day, we all need to respect each other’s hustles. If you know someone who has a small business, remember they’re doing everything they can to make it successful. Like us, they have monthly bills, obligations and need to provide for their families. How do you expect them to meet their bottom line if they’re always giving out special discounts and freebies?

Unfortunately, some relationships turn sour when people actually get mad at not receiving a perk. I don’t think business owners are trying to be mean if they deny the request. Perhaps times are slow and they really need the money. You aren’t in their books and have no clue about their situation.

Should you receive perks from someone who sells a good or service, that’s great. Just don’t go around expecting anything because you know them.

Would You Ever Date Your Friend’s One Night Stand?

March 21st, 2015 - By Courtney Whitaker
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Image Source: Shutterstock

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Okay, before we dive into this topic. Let’s step up a scenario.

It’s a Friday night and you’re out with a group of your girlfriends. From across the room, you see a beautiful pair of brown eyes staring at you. Curious, you stare back. The handsome gentlemen with the beautiful brown eyes approaches you and starts a conversation. The two of you have hit it off and exchange numbers. At the same time, as you’re exchanging numbers, you see your best friend giving you a strange look. After the gentlemen leaves, and you’re on cloud 9 from having a great conversation with the gentlemen, you’re best friend walks over. After asking you how it went, she tells you, “Yeah I had a one night stand with him once.”

Aw Sh*t! I can hear your heartbreaking from here. Now, you’re left with the painful decide of whether or not you’ll give this man the time of the day. So, what’s your verdict?

For many, the answer is flat out no. Real friends, don’t share their leftovers, period. However, what about the group of you that say yes? Are you totally comfortable with being with someone that has seen one of your friends naked?

In a excerpt from a book proposal he’s attempting to sell, Lil Wayne tells the story of what happened to him when he found out his girlfriend slept with Drake.

According to the story, Drake visited him while he was in jail and confessed to the fact that he slept with his girlfriend. Drake said, “Yeah, it’s true. Don’t f*** with her like that cause I did f*** her.”

Wayne writes, “This is the type of s*** that a man never wants to find out when he’s locked up. Or, maybe so, cause only God knows what I would have done if I wasn’t locked up right now.”

Wayne admits in the proposal he and his GF argued a lot, and that may be why Drake said, “Don’t f*** with her like that.” As for the timeline, Wayne says the woman told him she had sex with Drake the day BEFORE they met.

Wait a minute, let’s pause right there. She had SEX with DRAKE BEFORE they met. So, technically, she was Drake’s one night stand. She had sex with him before she even met Lil Wayne. So, what makes Lil Wayne so upset. Is it really because she slept with Drake?

This is the perfect example of what someone would do in a situation like this. Again, we ask, would you ever date your friend’s one night stand? Apparently, Lil Wayne would not.