All Articles Tagged "relationship problems"
So you’re dating this guy, and on one hand you care about him and like being around him, but on the other hand, there are times when you really can’t stand to be in his presence and consider leaving him and moving on to someone new. When a love-hate dichotomy exists within a relationship, there’s bound to be emotions and thoughts that range from one side of the spectrum to the other. And since relationships are full of emotional ups and downs, some couples think that these dips and dives aren’t indicative of a love-hate relationship, but instead one that is just normal. If you’re unsure of your relationship and how you really feel about it, here are some signs that you love someone but sorta hate them at the same time — and need to either fix it or get out
My husband and I have been married for almost seven years, and for the last three months we’ve been separated. We seem to have a multitude of issues, ranging from communication, finances, sex and trust. We married later in life, both of us coming from completely different backgrounds, but in some ways we both still seemed to want the same things. He says he doesn’t feel respect, trust, or love from me, and I’m not sure how to show him. We married very quickly after meeting one another, so I’m almost sure we did not take the time to get to really know one another. I feel isolated from him, like we don’t really connect with each other. We don’t talk, we don’t laugh, and I don’t feel I can share my deepest fears or joys with him. I don’t feel like we are friends at all, much less best friends. I asked him about getting some professional help, to help us get it together, and he agreed and said he would find us a therapist. Three months have gone by now and he has not produced one yet. Any time I mention it, he just says that a counselor can’t don anything for us that we can’t do for ourselves. He feels that if we just try dating and getting to know each other and have some fun, things might just improve on their own. We have been going out and trying to date, but I find myself always thinking about what’s wrong with us and why we can’t seem to get to the core of our problems. I really feel like the longer we stay apart, the less I am going to want to be together. I’m sure I love my husband, but I just don’t know how to get us back to the early days of our marriage when things were good. What advice can you give me?
See what Dr. Sherry has to say about whether or not this woman can salvage her marriage over at Essence.com.
Juanita: I have a question for him….do men ever think of their ex-fiancee even though they say they have moved on?
DY: As a person who has an ex-fiancee, I do think about her from time to time. I don’t want to rekindle or anything like that, but since she was a big part of my life for a couple years, I do wonder how she’s doing. I think that’s a normal thing. Again though, a person popping up in your mind from time to time doesn’t mean there are any type of regrets or thoughts of getting back together.
Essence: If you have been dating someone for 7 months, is that too soon to tell them “I love you”?!
DY: No. It’s only too soon if you don’t actually mean it
Faren: Is two weeks and two dates later too soon to like someone?
Lori: Damon, what do I do about a guy that has been pursuing me for 13 years and when I finally give him a chance he’s afraid of making a commitment?
DY: What changed after 13 years to make you finally agree?
Lori: I want to add that we dated in 1996. I broke up with him because he cheated. He has been pursing me ever since that relationship broke up.
DY: Yeah, I think his indecisiveness now should tell you everything you need to know about him
Post: Why do males tell females they love them but yet cheat and hurt them? That’s not love.
DY: For some people, it is actually. As hard as this is to believe, you can still love someone and cheat on them. Thing is, just because someone loves you doesn’t mean that you need to be in a relationship with them. And, if they’re cheating on you and hurting you, need to bounce
Kiara: What does it mean if a guy meets you and want to be serious really soon? I mean do I take it as him just knowing what he wants/looking for or is he running game?
DY: If we (men) know, we usually know immediately. So, while it is possible that he’s “running game,” a man wanting to commit quickly really isn’t all that rare.
I mean, if you’re not comfortable going full speed ahead, then you shouldn’t do that. But, like I said upthread, just because he expressed his feelings quickly doesn’t mean that they’re not real
Shaleith: Is it such a horrible thing that I decided to be celibate 2 1/2 years ago?
DY: Only if you think it is
Shaleith: I’m perfectly fine with my celibacy but the media isn’t
DY: Well, unless the media pops up in your bedroom or asks you out to dinner, I don’t see why you should pay it any attention.
Carmen: Can you love someone and still get irritated by them at the same time or is it just affection?
DY: Loving someone and being irritated at the same time is called “being in an adult relationship.”
Natasha: How often should married folks have sex?
DY: Depends on the people in the marriage. Some people are fine with once a week. Some even once or twice a month. Others need to have sex more frequently. Either way, there’s no set number that works for everyone
Danesha: I’m so use to be celibate, that i feel like i dont need a man anymore. What to do?
DY: Well, if you feel like you don’t need a man, you might not need a man. Some people are happier single.
Simplysenekea: Why are men so obsessed with the 3somes now more than ever?
DY: List of things men have always been obsessed with: Food, women, sex, grilling, multiple women, sex with multiple women, getting lost, spending a day grilling, and then going to have sex with multiple women, but getting lost on the way there, etc
Jasmine: What is the most reasonable time period in which a woman should receive a proposal from her boyfriend?
DY: I don’t believe in an arbitrary set time for things like that. But, I will say if you’re in your late 20s and above, just “dating” for longer than two years probably isn’t the best look
Even if you’ve been with your partner for years, there are some things that are always awkward to bring up in a relationship. Issues like parents, friends and sex are all things men can be very guarded about, defensive about, or even refuse to talk about. But your happiness matters! So here are ways to bring up some of the issues men are most sensitive about, without scaring them, or even scaring them away!
There’s nothing worse than being forced to do something you don’t want to do … unless you also have to pay for it. Frequently, partners or spouses get dragged into counseling when they’d rather be almost anywhere else. (Prefer this article as a podcast? Click here.) The thought of talking to a stranger about feelings and intimacy appeals greatly to some, disgusts others and terrifies many.
Some people — especially men — believe that counseling couldn’t be a bigger waste of time, or that counseling is for crazy people, or that a counselor couldn’t possibly understand their situation or give them any worthwhile assistance.
Read more at YourTango.com.
Tasha: Why black men don’t want to commit and get married
DY: There are actually a ton of Black men who are commitment/marriage-minded. You just have to find and date the ones looking for a commitment with you instead of the ones who aren’t looking for that.
Most people will tell you that taking a break is just the first step to an inevitable breakup, kind of like how a separation always leads to a divorce. Unfortunately, those people are usually right. If you and your guy are struggling at a fundamental level—perhaps having communication or trust issues—those issues will still be there waiting for you when you return. The only time a break can be beneficial is when one person is struggling with something large on a personal level, that he or she needs time alone to process, handle or just get through. And if that is the case for your break, here’s how to get the most out of it.
So Valentines weekend has come and gone and you honestly wish it had never happened at all. It left you questioning your man’s feelings for you and his investment in the relationship. It’s a day on which tensions and expectations run high. There is a lot of room for disappointment, but this might make you feel better: nearly every couple argues about one or all of these things on Valentines Day.
Maggie: If you have a dream that your partner is cheating, does it mean he really is? Cuz imma cut his throat? Thanks
DY: Thanks for writing this. It explains why this woman I used to date would be staring at me while clutching a butter knife when we woke up in the morning. I thought she just wanted some waffles.
Rachel: After how much time dating should you discuss the future including Marriage and Babies with your significant other?
DY: 17.9% percent of the day? I don’t know, lol. What I do know though is that if you two are on the same page, you probably shouldn’t have to have that conversation all the time. If you find yourselves always bringing it up and disagreeing on certain aspects of it, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate things
Angel: Why do some men string women along dating, knowing their intentions are ill from the start (to drop her like a bad habit when its all said and done)? The dating doesn’t necessarily involve sexual contact either, in other cases it may.
DY: Because, 99.9% of the time, men who do this don’t actually know either. Many guys don’t enter new relationships with a “plan” other than “hmm. she’s cute.” And, when that happens—and, when they realize that she just aint the one for him—women get “dumped.”
It may seem intentional, like you were being strung along on purpose, but most times it’s really not.
Karmin: Is it ok to tell a man on the first date that you want to have like 5 babies with him?
DY: Sure. And by “sure” I mean “only if you get aroused by people taking out restraining orders on you”
Kat: When a woman has more drive than her man, is it wrong to hold him to higher standards, give him a timeline to set goals and get his act together and if not she moves on?…Is that too harsh?
DY: Not at all.
Leila: What are your thoughts about women being with older men 17 yrs older ?
DY: You like it, I love it.
That being said, it’s interesting how people’s opinions on the older man, younger woman thing depends on perspective. Basically, 30-something women attracted to and only interested in dating older men=cool. But, if a 30-something guy said that he was only interested in 21 and 22 year old women, he’s a lame.