We came to know Dr. Sherry Blake from her appearances on the “Braxton Family Values,” working Trina and her husband Gabe. Even though Trina and Gabe are dissolving their marriage, we saw that Dr. Sherry offered sound advice. We caught up with Dr. Sherry at the Essence Music Festival to chat about the ways black women go wrong in relationships and how we can make it better.

More on Madame Noire!

• You Stole My Steez: 8 Musicians Who People Say Got Famous Copying Other Singers
• What Are We Playing For? Why Competition In a Relationship Makes Both Partners Lose
• Good Sex, Are You Having It? The Importance of Communication In The Bedroom
• The Time I was Sexually Assaulted…by a Woman
• True Life: I’ve Done Crazy Things to Impress People…
• Wayne Brady, Bill Maher and The Problem With What Black Manhood Means to NON-Black People
• 8 Things We Want To Tell Our Potential Suitors: The First Date No No’s For Men

Sure, there are a**holes out there. There are some true con artists. They’re amazing listeners. They figure you out. They stare at you like they’re looking into your soul. They know what you want to hear. They even know what to do and say to seem like a saint . And then they screw you. And screw you over. In some instances, it’s really not your fault. But to tell you the truth—most of the time it is. You have to remember that you’re the one choosing the men you date. You’re the one opting to go on date number 2, 3, etc. And you’re the only one who can determine what men will and will not be drawn to you. Honestly, you’re the reason your heart is being broken. But you can change that: