It appears that we are living in the age of the male relationship expert, where men are capitalizing off of the market of women who desire love and a lasting relationship, for example Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book and movie deal. Lately though, it seems that these men are putting a new spin on things. Instead of claiming that they have all of the answers and offering advice on what a woman can do to keep her man, they’re offering insight into the minds of men. One interesting book was Carl A. Roberts’s 2012 release of Good Men Do Cheat, another fairly interesting one is Manology, a collaborative piece between Tyrese Gibson and Reverend Run. In a recent interview, Tyrese and Rev Run sat down with USA Today to discuss their upcoming book release, and they touch on everything from what makes them qualified to write a book of this nature to what a woman should do after finding out that her man has been unfaithful. Check out some of what they had to say.

On why women should consider taking their advice:

Rev Run: People should read the book based on the fact I have a pretty stable marriage. You can watch it on the TV show.

On how a woman can recognize a good man:

Tyrese: In general, whoever never harms you, you could use that as a template. But just because they go to church every Sunday doesn’t make them a good man. They’re a work in progress.

Rev Run: I agree. Instincts have a lot to do with it. Go with your instincts. If a person shows who they are, believe them.

On whether or not a woman should believe it’s possible to change a man:

Tyrese: That shouldn’t be your goal. No man wants to feel like a fixer-up project. If a woman has that intention, it should come from love. It shouldn’t be a charity case.

Rev Run: I believe that a woman and a man can work with each other to reach a goal. But to go into it to see someone that needs help, I’m not sure you can change anyone. That’s God’s job.

On what a woman should do after she learns that her man cheated on her:

Tyrese: I think it’s a heartache and everyone has a different threshold in responding to these moments. I have no general advice. Just don’t do anything crazy. Don’t own the cheat. You have no control over what a man is going to do.

Rev Run: Again, I agree with Tyrese. You shouldn’t own the cheat. It’s not your fault. You can show him that you’re not happy with it. You can go to Mom’s house. You can leave.

Manology is scheduled to hit the shelves Tuesday, February 5th. Although the male relationship expert has been catching a bad rap lately, I have to admit that I’m kind of curious to see what these two have to say.

Will you be checking out Manology when it drops next week?

Photo courtesy of USA Today

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

 

From Your Tango.com

You’ve heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater,” but is it true? Or can people really learn and grow and break their past relationship habits?

In this video, over at YourTango.com author, dating coach and YourTango Expert Sheila Paxton addresses this very question.

Watch what she had to say in the video here.

 

 

From YourTango

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and take yourself back to the very first time you experienced a feeling of love with the person you’re in a relationship with now. Allow yourself to re-experience the emotions, the sights, the sounds, the tastes and the smells you first experienced … just as if it is happening again right now.

Stay there for a moment and allow yourself to feel where in your body you first felt that emotional feeling of love. Is it in your heart? Is it in your head?  Is it on your lips? Focus on what your mind was focused on then. Is it the feeling of your heart pounding? Is it how you just seem to melt as your bodies fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle?

Notice how good it feels to be emotionally present with the one you love. What questions run through your mind? Did you find yourself asking, ‘Is this what love feels like? Will this feeling last? Is it really possible to fall in love again?’

Did you find it easy to take yourself back and re-experience that falling in love feeling again? Has it been a while since you felt that feeling of love? Which emotions have you been feeling instead? Fear? Guilt? Anger? Anxiety? Jealousy? Frustration? Resentment? Disappointment?

Do you frequently initiate conversations and interactions in a negative emotional state? Or, are you the one dodging the toxic emotions as they are launched at you by the one you love? Has it happened so often for so long that it’s just too difficult to tell? Are you concerned that your love and your relationship are being destroyed as a result?

Read more at YourTango

Recently, I joined a group of matchmakers and dating coaches for happy hour. We all introduced ourselves and talked about our specialty areas. I told them about my books, including my latest one, How To Find Mr. Right Online. Eventually, one of the women approached me and asked me a question I’ve been asked many times before by singles and experts:

“Do you think women should email men when online dating?” Without hesitation, I told her “Yes!” Not only is it okay to email men when dating online, it’s a useful tactic. Here’s why:

1. Women are often the initiators. I know — you’ve heard a hundred times that men should make the first move. But research has shown that in social and courtship interactions, women — not men — are often the initiators. Women do this subtly by making eye contact or smiling at men or they do it more boldly by starting a conversation. In other words, if you want a man to make his move, you must give him the green light to do so. Emailing a man gives him the green light.

Read more at YourTango

From YourTango

It’s common for people to struggle with breakups. So, what’s the best way to cut your ties?

In this video, author, relationship coach and YourTango Expert Charly Emery says that there’s a simple answer to this tough predicament. Don’t wait to break it off because “the longer you stay in the situation, the harder it’s going to get for you and the more that you’re going to resent him which means then, the breakup, which is inevitable, is probably going to be a lot harder and emotionally charged than it needs to be.”

Watch the video at YourTango

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Everyone has found themselves in a hurtful, disastrous or even simply confusing relationship a time or two in their lives. If you’re fortunate and wise enough, you learn from past relationship mistakes and grow from them. But for others, heart breaks happen over and over again because they repeat these mistakes, even when there are overpowering signs that their destructive behaviors are sabotaging any chances of a happy partnership. It’s bad relationship karma, and if you think the Love Gods have turned their backs on you, maybe it’s because you are attracting what you are…and life is mirroring what you are portraying or putting out into the Universe. If you’re not happy with the way your relationships have been going and you think the energy you’re giving isn’t giving you anything back, here are some ways to improve your relationship karma…and possibly get you the love you want.

Read the rest of this entry »

“My motivation is from being born and raised in the ‘hood (East New York area of Brooklyn),” The multi-talented entrepreneur said in an interview with Black Enterprise. “Every day, you had examples of what not to be. Every day you saw people bite the dust. Seeing that made me realize that I didn’t want to be a statistic. I always wanted more for myself. I also have parents who are still happily married who taught us the game, so I guess I am passing along what I learned.”

Smalls acknowledges that although her book was the move that launched it all, her role on Chili’s show made the difference.

“After I got the role as the relationship adviser on the show, my writing career went through the roof, and I received a healthy book deal with a huge publishing company, HarperCollins. As far as popularity from the show in general, it has definitely made me a household name,” she said. I was still living in my hometown when the first season came out, and I had to move. People were following me home asking me to find them a man. It was crazy, but I love the love people have shown me since the show. It allowed me to meet many great people, and for that alone, I am thankful.”

In addition to all of her newest ventures, Smalls has also published a new book, “Men Love Abuse: The Guide to Losing the Nice Girl Image & Getting the Man You Want.”

“My latest book is off the chain! I can’t even lie to you. It is funny, endearing, and most of all honest. It is a book that lets women know that the less you sweat or stress a man, the better off you will be when it comes down to this thing called love,” she said to Black Enterprise.

“I come from a friend perspective, so I believe that helps people embrace the advice more.”

It’s no surprise that Smalls days are fully packed, she notes that she wakes from late nights to check emails, eight social media pages, proofread her work, check on the boutique and in between all of the work, she makes sure she finds time to take care of her fiancé. Despite all of the stress from business ventures and her full days, Smalls says she loves what she does, especially inspiring women looking for successful relationships.

“I love to encourage and empower women because I am a woman, and one day I will have a daughter, and it will be my job as her mother to teach her what she should and shouldn’t accept from a man or in life. I take that role as a love coach very serious,” she said. “I’d like to say I am the queen of self-esteem because if you have self-esteem, everything else will work out for you personally and professionally. You have to believe in yourself first.

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By Dr. Tammy Nelson for YourTango.com

Do you find it difficult to make time for sex? Are you always either too tired or too busy for intimacy with your partner? Don’t worry, you’re not alone, and there is hope.

In this video, licensed phychotherapist, author and YourTango Expert Dr. Tammy Nelson explains that it’s common for sex to become less frequent over the course of a long-term relationship. Fortunately, there are some things you can try to increase the eroticism in your love life.

Find out what they are at YourTango.com. 

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“What Chilli Wants” has been off the air for over a year now, but Chilli’s resident matchmaker, Tiona Smalls, has some not-so-nice things to say about her.

The relationship expert stopped by 105.1 today to talk about her new book, Men Love Abuse—I know— and when the DJs asked what she thought about her former co-star, she called Chilli “delusional.”

“She doesn’t know what she wants. She got the man that she wanted. It’s a dead president on a bill.”

Is that code for golddigger? Tiona added that Chilli “never knew the principles it took to get a man or keep a man” because she was so wrapped up in Floyd Mayweather, who made a cameo on a show or two and is now engaged.

“Floyd wanted her as a friend. Some guys, no matter how fine you are or how beautiful you are, they just don’t want you. You just have to take your L sometimes.”

I will agree with her on that point, but the rest of the advice in her oddly-titled book is a bit questionable to me. Tiona said “good girls” like Chilli need to kick up their mean girl quotient if they want to hook a man.

“Men do not like nice girls, and nice girls are finishing last. So sometimes you gotta treat a man like you don’t care.

“We’re talking about if you want to get in a relationship with a girl, you ain‘t gonna want to wife a girl who’s going to let you do whatever you want to do.”

It’s true men, emphasis on men, don’t want a woman they can walk all over but I’m not sure nice girls are finishing last. That whole “treat him like you don’t care” game” has huge potential to backfire.

What do you think about Tiona’s thoughts on good girls? Are they finishing last like Chilli?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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