All Articles Tagged "relationship advice"
Dornice: Why are men intimidate d by a strong independent Black WOMEN
DY: Maybe they’re just intimidated by people who feel the need to capitalize WOMAN. I know I am.
Shannon: What makes a woman a wifey type? Or what makes a woman not?
DY: Don’t think there’s any such thing as a “wifey type.” Who a man decides to “wife” up depends on the man and his own likes, dislikes, and circumstance.
Shannon: Thanks Damon Young….one last question ..do you think there is a such thing as a too independent woman?
DY: I really wish someone would bury this notion that a woman’s “independence” is keeping worthy men away from her. That just does not happen. I will say, though, that “single” behavior and “relationship” behavior are two separate things — the type of mindset that’s necessary when single may need to be adjusted when entering a relationship — but that goes for men and women.
Alicia: What do think of young women with older men? I’m 22 graduating next spring. I’ve been seeing men in their 30-40s?
DY: I’m not going judge. As long as you’re both adults, happiness is where you find it. But, I will ask you this: What would you think about a 27 year old man who dated nothing but 18 year olds?
Alicia: I do think it’s a bit odd. But why do men like younger women?
DY: There are tons of possible reasons why. But the main reason is that younger women are “easier” and, subsequently, easier to control. There’s a power dynamic there that their age and experience — and the income that often comes with age and experience — gives them.
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.
I have an issue I need help with. I have this friend well when we were in H.S. we both crushed on the same guy but neither one of us ever did anything about it…crush and I kept in touch… cut to 3 years ago and my “friend” and I are at a wedding. I’m preggers with my son at this time.
My “friend” finds out that I kept in touch with our old crush and begged me to hook her up… I relayed the message and was told that she wasnt his type. I didnt know how to say that to my “friend” so I said nothing. She eventually let it go… well a year and a half after I had my son guess who comes sniffing around.
The crush! I couldnt resist maybe I should’ve said no but my “friend” knew that he was my crush as well. Long story short I ended up getting pregnant and having his baby. So now everytime I hear from my “friend” its always drama! Everything that he does via social media she comes back to report. Her favorite thing to say is “I dont mean to be a debbie downer but..”.. my question is what would be the best way to deal with her? Should I kick her to the curb? Should I just dismiss the hate and shade she throws my way because he was our mutual crush? (We are all over 30 now)… you’re really good with sorting things out and seeing the truth that lies beneath… even if I’m in the wrong I invite you to be brutally honest with me… will you accept the challenge??
Kat: Why is it that men say they want a successful woman, then they get one that’s more successful than they are and there’s a problem? DY: For some (not all, but some) men, wanting a “successful” woman basically means that they want someone who’s successful enough to take care of herself, but not so successful that she outshines him. Basically, it’s an ego thing. Gina: Why do men feel they can be vulgar and inappropriate on dating sites knowing they wouldn’t make the same comments/introductions in person? Do they think intelligent women really respond to that? DY: They do it because they know it wouldn’t fly in person. In person it might get you smacked. Online, though, the worst that can happen is an ignore. Tracee: How can a woman get out,of,being friend zoned all the time? DY: In my experience, when women are friend-zoned repeatedly, it’s largely due to them accepting the “accommodating/cool homegirl” role and hoping that’ll change. What you need to do instead is be honest — with men and with yourself — and upfront about your expectations. And, if someone isn’t interested in you like that, don’t “hang around” hoping they’ll change their mind. Kgothatso: Is it normal for a man to dump a woman because he says “she loves him too much?” DY: Normal? Yes. I’ve heard that excuse before. Thing is, it’s just a way of him saying he doesn’t love you without him actually saying it. Sharigurl: We were dating and then he backed off then he said he wanted to just be friends so I took that to mean he didn’t want to see me anymore. However, he calls and or texts everyday to talk about nothing or really important things like his relationship with his kids and his life or to check in on me. I really like this man but do I need to move on ? DY: Yes, you do need to back off. What he’s doing is a classic move where men keep you close while also freeing himself up to see other people. Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.
In this week’s edition of “Ask A Very Smart Brotha,” Damon was back on our Facebook page taking relationships during our bi-weekly, hour-long live chat. He got some pretty interesting ones. And there are a couple that seem really complex that he makes quite simple. Check out his answers below.
Joanna: I do? If a man meets a woman who is single, no children, & has a 500 credit score, does that automatically disqualify her from the pursuit of a relationship??
DY: Depends on the man. Some are credit Nazis, some would be cool with it if they saw you were making better financial decisions now, and some don’t give a damn as long as you have a big booty.
Is This Open Letter From A Cheating Ex-Husband To His Former Mistress The Worst Thing You’ve Ever Read?
2. Continue to value family and friends. While some friendships will fade, don’t give up on being the type of friend and family member worth keeping in one’s life.Because a man, who left his family for a barely legal intern, would know something about family values. Speaking of grown men messing with young girls, he also advises her to do the following:
3. Continue to make your bed. I know you did it for me, but it truly made your day better. But remember too, that it doesn’t matter if you leave your bed unmade and your clothes all over the floor. You’re fantastic the way you are and those who love you don’t really care.So outside of the paternalism of telling a grown woman, despite being 10 years his junior, to make her bed, he is also going to tell her how much she liked it, even though it was apparent she was only doing it to shut his controlling mouth up. Even more peculiar is that after feeling it necessary to include the bed-making chore on his list of wise words, he concludes the point by saying that making her bed is not important at all. Talk about gaslighting a chick… And then there is this gem:
- Don’t be afraid to seek help. Many of us are good at seeking help for our career, but too often we refuse to seek help for our personal life as well. There is no shame in admitting you don’t know everything about how to be a good friend, lover and partner.
Despite our differences and our history, I hoped to give you the world. There’s a big part of me that still does. My friends and my ex-wife tell me that time will heal my wounded heart. I hope they’re right. I hope to once again wake up and not look for you next to me. I hope to be able to masturbate again without stopping because I can only see your body and your face. I hope I can once again think about being with another woman. I hope the loneliness fades. But for now, I still can’t fathom a future with anyone but you. Ending my marriage was hard; losing you has been even harder.As I said, this letter will be all kinds of frustrating to those women (and men), who have ever dealt with a narcissist before. His ex-wife should be grateful to have him out her life – although I have no idea why she entertains him (enough to give him advice on the next woman) beyond finding out what time he plans on picking up the children for his scheduled visitations… But in spite of how agitating this letter is, there is a great warning here, particularly about those potential partners who would rather place emotional burdens on the shoulders of their significant others than to do deal with their own flaws. In short, avoid them. Likewise, this letter is a nice reminder of how silly it is when women fight each other over who is the main chick and who is the side jawn. Just remember that in between that drama between the two women being played is an emotional manipulator, who cowardly feeds off of the attention and energy he receives from both.
‘I Was With Someone That Wasn’t Supporting My Growth:’ Melanie Fiona Discusses The Art Of Breaking Up
“Ladies, I know it’s so easy to fly off the handle and throw stuff outside, and burn stuff, but there is nothing good that comes from that,” she explained. “No matter how much you think he is the worst person in the world. There is nothing worse than for him to see than you strong, walking out, being like ‘You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.’ Not the “Oh my God, she was crazy. She burned all my sh**. She cut up all my stuff.’ ‘Yea, that’s why you can’t be with that chick, she’s crazy.’ That’s what dudes say!The “It Kills Me” singer added that remaining calm is generally the best way to approach the situation.
The 30-year-old Toronto native also advised against settling for less just for the sake of being in a relationship.“What I’ve learned is that there is so much strength and power in being calm and saying what you gotta say because you’ve done the work to know what is for you and what’s not for you.”
“I was with someone that wasn’t supporting my growth and it’s a question that you have to ask the partner you are with; ‘Do you love me for the girl that I am or do you love me for the woman I will become.’ And so, the truth of the matter is, you have to figure out who that woman is. And hopefully if you are with someone, they can love you through those things.”Though her family continues to pressure her about marriage by reminding her that she isn’t getting any younger, Melanie says that she will not settle for anything less than what she feels she deserves.
“I talk to my mom and of course West Indian parents say, ‘You getting married? Are you getting married today! You are getting older!’ I had to remind my mom, ‘Mom, I’m not going to settle for less than I deserve.’ I’m comfortable and I’ve done the work to know that I’d rather be by myself than to be with the wrong person. And that’s okay. I want extreme love and I believe it can happen and I believe it’s for me.”Read Mealnie’s full interview here.
Another week, another relationship question and answer session with Damon Young. There were some interesting questions this week that really illustrate the difficulties–or the perceived difficulties–women have with dating and relationships. Take a look at the selected questions below and let us know if you agree with Damon’s advice.