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From YourTango

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don’t see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship we’ve always wanted. What we fail to realize is that the best person to consult about our beauty is ourselves.

When a person owns her innermost self — and is happy with who she is — she projects a beauty radiating with confidence. People naturally are drawn to those who make them feel good. Healthy sexuality and intimacy is about having the courage to love and be loved in return. Here are some ways in which people benefit from sex:

Having a healthy attitude about your sexuality promotes beauty from within. Experts say, “a sexually healthy person is someone who feels comfortable with his or her sexuality.” This means, a person doesn’t view s*x as something naughty, bad, improper or sinful and can engage in it without feeling guilty or anxious. When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside. Others want to be around you and have what you have.

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Teshia: What do you do if you really like someone and they claim to like you but they stood you up twice..?

DY: Get the hint, and be on to the next one.

Dear Damon, I was with a man and we have been off and on for the past year and a half, he recently lost his job and somehow that has changed everything between us. When we first met he used to love having debates with me just because we have different opinions and our information was always from different sources. He’s an information junkie but I’m a student. He used to tell me how smart he thinks I am and how he loves that I am so articulate but since losing his job he barely wants to be around me or communicate with me because he says I annoy him. The last time we spoke I asked him if he was still planning to come to my graduation, two hours went by and still no reply from him so I told him he no longer has to give a response I will take it to be a no. This infuriated him and he said it’s things like that that make him not want to talk to me. My question is can someone who truly loves you and want to be with you, which he claims that he does, find you that repulsive to the point where they don’t want to be around you or talk to you, or is something else most likely going on?

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We know there are more than enough men out there trying to tell women what they need to do to be in a healthy relationship, but sometimes you just want to hear from a woman who knows what she’s talking about. Enter Natalie Clarice, matchmaker and star of Oxygen’s new reality show “Find Me My Man.”

Every Tuesday Natalie helps two women turn their love lives around on her TV series, so we wanted to pick her brain a bit and see what she can help us with. In our interview we asked her what are some of the biggest mistakes women make, what’s the best way to let a man know you’re interested, and how to not be sidetracked by the fact that h*s are winning right now. Check it out!

Eva: Should u get back with an ex that has grown out of whatever issue that caused him to be your ex?

DY: Depends on the issue. My theory though, is that re-exing is like re-gifting. Sounds like a good idea, but you gave it away for a reason

Nolundi: Is there hope for a man in his 50s with a Peter Pan Syndrome?

DY: Probably not. But, look on the bright side. With the advances in medicine today, he has a good change of making it to 100. That gives him a good 40-50 more years to figure things out.

Debra: Children’s father will only deal with his kids if he can be with the mother. Mother is unhappy but does not want kids to lose father’s presence. Stay or go?

DY: GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elexis: What does a man mean when he says he wants to be friends or he’s not ready for a relationship right now??? and what does the term “friends” mean

DY: Usually, this means “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, but I would like to have one with your vagina.”

Tia: I am in love with someone who is extremely driven in his career and doesn’t want to marry unless he has completed a huge career goal. It is realistic for me to wait?

DY: Depends on how long, really. If it’ll take 12 months, fine. 12 years, probably not. Also, why exactly does he need to accomplish this goal before marrying you? Has he expressed that?

Tia: Thanks for replying Damon. He wants to complete his PHD which will take two years. It seems like women can multitask and do many things at one time, but he wants to do that first then eventually marriage.

DY: It’s not necessarily that men can’t multi-task. But, (generally speaking) men and women prioritize different things when it comes to relationships and marriage, and I can understand why I man would want to wait until after achieving a professional goal before he got married. Often, men aren’t “ready” for marriage until they’re “settled” professionally and financially, and that seems to be the case here

Joanne: Friend is in a new relationship with a guy who has left his wife 7 years ago but never got round to a divorce as kids were growing up. At what stage is it appropriate for her to ask him when he is going to get divorced?

DY: The “right now” stage.

Sarah: Husband seems to only want to do the fun, non- controversial things with kids, yet leaves me, the step mom, to be the disciplinarian. Despite pleas to be “on the same team”, he just doesn’t get it. Is it a matter of choice or lack of vision. Sidenote- the children’s mother is not find at all of me, saying it nicely, so has pretty much told them they do not need to respect me furthering the complications.

DY: You need to have a frank talk with him about the precedent he’s setting, and how uncomfortable it’s making you to always be the “bad cop”—especially when you’re a step parent. He’s putting you in a no-win situation.

Sonya: If a person tells you you have a beautiful heart and smile….you have integrity and you’re good person as a whole. Is it safe to say you are in the friend zone ?

DY: Unfortunately so

Vanessa: Do you believe in 50/50 relationships? I feel that this type of relationship demands giving something to get something in return and doesn’t come from the sincerity of your heart. Also a man supposed to be a provider.

DY: Please expound. Not clear what you mean by 50/50.

Vanessa: I mean do you believe in 50/50 in terms of financial aspect in a relationship? My friends think my standard to high b/c I don’t believing in paying my way 50/50 in a relationship. I think a guy that likes you shouldn’t mind spending cash and it should be natural.

DY: That’s a tough one. Lemme put it this way: There are men who are fine with being the sole provider and paying for everything, and women who prefer those types of relationships should do want they can to date/marry those men. Thing is, while being taken care of financially is a plus, I think some women fail to realize that men who want to control all of the finances usually also want to control everything else—including your body. Again, if this works for you, fine. But just realize that for every person (man or woman), every “plus” has a corresponding “minus.”

I hate to break it to you ladies, but it’s official: Cuffing season has come to an end.  The temperature hit 82 degrees in Philly today and the weather will only grow warmer as spring turns to summer.  This means that unless your love is legit, your “man” will start to pick fights, become increasingly shady or disappear altogether in pursuit of the bare thighs, sun-kissed shoulders and anything-goes attitude that comes with summer love.

The truth is some of you never had an actual “man” or a boyfriend to begin with.  You had someone that was looking to lay up and cuddle and have a warm place to lay his head and other parts of his anatomy in between blizzards.  But some of you actually have some stand-up guys which you’d know if you weren’t busy picking apart his every flaw,  or worrying about  all the things Jay-Z does for Beyonce’ and not appreciating what’s special about your own relationship.  So often I hear women complain endlessly about the inability to find a good man, but have no clue of what a good man actually is.  Trust me they exist, but it requires you being honest and realistic about what you want and they are not just going to fall in your lap while you have your head buried in your phone.

It’s hard to admit that maybe you’re sabotaging your relationships or the fault lies within you. But if you find that keep having the same problems in different relationships, you might only have yourself to blame.  Here are 10 signs it’s not him, but really is you:

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From Essence.com

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years, and for the last three months we’ve been separated. We seem to have a multitude of issues, ranging from communication, finances, sex and trust. We married later in life, both of us coming from completely different backgrounds, but in some ways we both still seemed to want the same things. He says he doesn’t feel respect, trust, or love from me, and I’m not sure how to show him. We married very quickly after meeting one another, so I’m almost sure we did not take the time to get to really know one another. I feel isolated from him, like we don’t really connect with each other. We don’t talk, we don’t laugh, and I don’t feel I can share my deepest fears or joys with him. I don’t feel like we are friends at all, much less best friends. I asked him about getting some professional help, to help us get it together, and he agreed and said he would find us a therapist. Three months have gone by now and he has not produced one yet. Any time I mention it, he just says that a counselor can’t don anything for us that we can’t do for ourselves. He feels that if we just try dating and getting to know each other and have some fun, things might just improve on their own. We have been going out and trying to date, but I find myself always thinking about what’s wrong with us and why we can’t seem to get to the core of our problems. I really feel like the longer we stay apart, the less I am going to want to be together. I’m sure I love my husband, but I just don’t know how to get us back to the early days of our marriage when things were good. What advice can you give me?

See what Dr. Sherry has to say about whether or not this woman can salvage her marriage over at Essence.com.

Juanita: I have a question for him….do men ever think of their ex-fiancee even though they say they have moved on?

DY: As a person who has an ex-fiancee, I do think about her from time to time. I don’t want to rekindle or anything like that, but since she was a big part of my life for a couple years, I do wonder how she’s doing. I think that’s a normal thing. Again though, a person popping up in your mind from time to time doesn’t mean there are any type of regrets or thoughts of getting back together.

Essence: If you have been dating someone for 7 months, is that too soon to tell them “I love you”?!

DY: No. It’s only too soon if you don’t actually mean it

Faren: Is two weeks and two dates later too soon to like someone?

DY: Nope.

Lori: Damon, what do I do about a guy that has been pursuing me for 13 years and when I finally give him a chance he’s afraid of making a commitment?

DY: What changed after 13 years to make you finally agree?

Lori: I want to add that we dated in 1996. I broke up with him because he cheated. He has been pursing me ever since that relationship broke up.

DY: Yeah, I think his indecisiveness now should tell you everything you need to know about him

Post: Why do males tell females they love them but yet cheat and hurt them? That’s not love.

DY: For some people, it is actually. As hard as this is to believe, you can still love someone and cheat on them. Thing is, just because someone loves you doesn’t mean that you need to be in a relationship with them. And, if they’re cheating on you and hurting you, need to bounce

Kiara: What does it mean if a guy meets you and want to be serious really soon? I mean do I take it as him just knowing what he wants/looking for or is he running game?

DY: If we (men) know, we usually know immediately. So, while it is possible that he’s “running game,” a man wanting to commit quickly really isn’t all that rare.

I mean, if you’re not comfortable going full speed ahead, then you shouldn’t do that. But, like I said upthread, just because he expressed his feelings quickly doesn’t mean that they’re not real

Shaleith: Is it such a horrible thing that I decided to be celibate 2 1/2 years ago?

DY: Only if you think it is

Shaleith: I’m perfectly fine with my celibacy but the media isn’t

DY: Well, unless the media pops up in your bedroom or asks you out to dinner, I don’t see why you should pay it any attention.

Carmen: Can you love someone and still get irritated by them at the same time or is it just affection?

DY: Loving someone and being irritated at the same time is called “being in an adult relationship.”

Natasha: How often should married folks have sex?

DY: Depends on the people in the marriage. Some people are fine with once a week. Some even once or twice a month. Others need to have sex more frequently. Either way, there’s no set number that works for everyone

Danesha: I’m so use to be celibate, that i feel like i dont need a man anymore. What to do?

DY: Well, if you feel like you don’t need a man, you might not need a man. Some people are happier single.

Simplysenekea: Why are men so obsessed with the 3somes now more than ever?

DY: List of things men have always been obsessed with: Food, women, sex, grilling, multiple women, sex with multiple women, getting lost, spending a day grilling, and then going to have sex with multiple women, but getting lost on the way there, etc

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If chivalry were a person, he’d be suffering from a terminal illness and gasping for his last breath. Back in medieval times, men gallantly displayed their courage, glory and honor before their love for all to see, chest puffed with pride.They spoke in sonnets to profess their love and didn’t hesitate to battle for their mate’s freedom. Okay, so my Game of Throne-esque analogy may be a bit over the top, but you get my drift. Most men today don’t appreciate doing the little things that add up big time when treating a woman like a lady (sometimes, ladies are guilty too). From opening and closing the car door to pulling out a chair for your lady, chivalry has withered away like Dr. Heiddegar’s rose. We’re talking respect and romance here people. And here are the reasons why it has dissolved in today’s society  . . .