All Articles Tagged "red flags"
Every couple goes through rough times. However, where money is concerned, there is a lack of communication between people around the world. It’s a tough topic, and couples that have merged their economic situations can see their relationship go from smooth sailing to choppy waters.
Once your relationship begins to drown in financial issues, you’re on the path to either Breakup City or a financially hazardous relationship. If you are concerned about your or your honey’s finances, but don’t know the signs to look out for, take a look at these nine financial red flags that could be right under your nose, targeting your bank account.
I investigate. That’s just what I do. I like to know who and what I’m dealing with. Of course, I’ve heard that you shouldn’t go looking for anything because you will find it. And I believe this to a certain extent; but some things a girl just stumbles upon…and in this case it was something I wanted to know about a potential boo.
No, I didn’t discover that he was married or had a few kids stashed away somewhere. He wasn’t a convicted felon, nor did he have a secret life of being on the down-low. It wasn’t any of these catastrophic details that he failed to mention; it was something so insignificant that I didn’t even know a man would lie about: his age.
Yes, while playing investigator on Google I found out that my guy was two years older than he said he was. Immediately I thought, who does that? I know you’re immediately thinking, what’s the big deal? Sure, it’s only two years, but c’mon, it was only two years, so why lie about it? At that moment, my curiosity turned to anger, and then curiosity again. Seriously, who really does that?
Everything else about him added up for the most part, or at least, my investigation didn’t reveal any other secrets; but this was a bit much for me. I don’t do liars. And lying about something so minor, made it suddenly so major. If he chose to lie about this, what else would he lie about? Who was I really dating?
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and even asked him a second time what his age was, claiming that I had forgotten what he’d said; but to my dismay, he looked me dead in my face with a straight face and lied again. Immediately I realized either this guy had a serious issue with our age gap or he was a compulsive liar. I chose to think both and decided his lie was a huge red flag.
If he was, in fact, lying about his age, that would make him eight years older than me. And while this may have seemed like an immediate dismissal or problem to him, it actually wouldn’t have been for me. I had never dated a man more than five years older than me, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t open to it. What I wasn’t open to, however, was dating a liar.
A good man is hard to find; and although it had only been a few months, I thought I had found one. That was until I found out he was lying about something I wouldn’t have cared about and wound up making me question many more things about him and made me wonder what other lies he had told or would tell in the future. Whatever the reasoning behind the fib, it prevented our relationship from ever really flourishing.
I often think about what could have been, if only he hadn’t lied about something so simple; but I know if he lied about his age, nothing would have been off limits in the future. Lying is most definitely a red flag when weeding through the bad guys; but call me crazy, I still think he was a good guy. He just happened to tell a really stupid, bad lie, and for that reason (and a few other things), he was no longer my type.
I have been with my boyfriend six years, and we’ve lived together for four of them. I have never pressured him about marriage, and we have talked about it happening, but I’m starting to give up hope. While I feel content with our relationship, I’m becoming insecure about why he hasn’t asked me yet. I know it’s just a piece of paper, but I’d like to have the commitment before we have kids. On another note, he is the first man I’ve been with that has a very low sex drive—we go for weeks without having sex. As a professional, I’m asking, is this a red flag?
See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.
It doesn’t matter how much of a gentleman he has been up until that point: if a man you’re getting to know at a bar, on a date, or online says any of these lines, run — before he breaks your heart, or gives you the overwhelming urge to slap him.
Once something is deemed a “red flag,” it becomes part of the Bible of love; women believe it must be considered at all times.While red flags are good to be aware of, not every person and situation is the same. There are exceptions to the rules and if you’re not open to that possibility, you might shut out a lot of good guys. These red flags don’t always have to be red flags.
Like Ingrid Michaelson so simply put it, “Everybody, everybody wants to love. Everybody, everybody wants to be loved.” And because of this, women too often overlook the red flags, the signs of troubles ahead and the hints that this guy’s not the one. We let things slide because we want so badly to be pleasantly surprised. But all this ever gets us is even more disappointment in the end not only in the men we date, but also in ourselves for not going with our gut. After reading this list below, you’re held accountable for your own heartbreaks. If you ignored these signs and charged on, there was nobody that could save you but yourself.
Men have their radars too when it comes to women and dating. It might be embedded in their “guy code” or could be from personal experience, but when it comes to getting to know a woman, certain ‘red flags’ or warning signs alarm them of what they might be getting themselves into.
All of us have fallen for the exception to the rules and warning signs, and so have men, and the lesson and outcomes seem to be the same.
“I’ve dated women even after they’ve showed me these signs simply because there was something else about her that allowed me to look past them. But if we do end the relationship, and it ends up being because of red flags I noticed before, I end up being more disappointed in myself for not knowing better and not sticking to what I believe.”
Straight from the opinions of males (unidentified for privacy reasons), here are some red flags men take notice of while getting to know and dating a woman:
I am a firm believer in that saying by Maya Angelou that says “When people show you who they are believe them the first time.” This philosophy should be applied to all aspects of life; however, this should be a golden rule for women who are in the dating game. Over and over we hear women drone ” He wasn’t always like this,” or ”He just changed on me one day out of nowhere.” No, boo, he didn’t change. He was always this way, he’s just finally showing you who he really is. As women when we first meet a man, out of eagerness, naivete and sometimes low-key desperation, we overlook major flaws and red flags just for the sake of being coupled up. Unfortunately, we usually wind up paying later with broken hearts and hurt feelings. Check out some of these red flags that should never be ignored.
Have you noticed that this new guy is severely inconsistent with just about everything in his life? Does he frequently speak of switching jobs, changing banks, and moving after short periods of time? This is what we call fickle. While there is nothing wrong with appreciating variety, this type of inconsistency can also come off very unstable. When a man can’t commit to anything in his life for an extended period of time it is a sign of deeper issues. If nothing in his life stays around for long, chances are, you won’t either.
I sometimes have to hold in my giggle when I hear my pastor going off over the pulpit about certain marital problems that are usually pretty apparent well before a couple says “I do.” It’s not that I find someone else’s marital plight humorous, but what I do find funny is how foolish we can be as women sometimes. Many of us are in a rush to race a man down the aisle or prove that we are “wife material” without ever stopping to ask ourselves if the guy that we are praying, hoping, and wishing will pop the question is husband material himself.
I always used to hear more experienced women say, “Child, you better choose carefully, because what you want at 20 ain’t what you want at 30 and what you want at 30 damn sure ain’t gonna be what you want at 40!” Always bewildered by this statement I’d think to myself, “Gosh, lasting marriages are a thing of the past, I guess.” As I began to mature though, I began to realize that what they were really implying was that when you are accepting male callers with the aspiration of one day jumping the broom, you should accept applications carefully. But, how? Where’s the blueprint for choosing a spouse? Call me old-fashioned, but when troubled by this question I often reference the Bible. Whether you believe in God or not, it sets some pretty standard precedents for what a good husband potentially looks like. In a perfect world, every male would be born with instincts that automatically instruct him on how to be a good husband (especially considering the ridiculous male to female ratio on this planet). But, since we don’t live in a world anywhere near perfect, you might want to check out some of these red flags to see whether or not your guy is marriage material before he pops the big question in the future.
If only women would see the big red flags hiding behind these seemingly inconsequential things, a lot of rough and toxic relationships could be avoided.
Here are the most common misses….