All Articles Tagged "red flags"
Are you superstitious? And not just don’t cross black cats or walk under ladders but what types of behaviors represent a not-so-great sign in your relationship? Some of these are silly superstitions, relationship bad omens, but others are clear red flags that this thang is not gonna work. See what I mean.
This Is For Just For You
This article is dedicated to any of you who’ve ever spent five minutes more than you should have with a man that was not worth your time. Women want the man they choose and the man they want to be one in the same. Sadly, this isn’t always the case. But, it should be. Our choices are directly within our control, and with them we have the power to determine who we allow access into our lives. Accurate choices will help you to navigate through the clutter and sift through the crowd. Here are my 10 suggestions on how to choose men more wisely.
Read more at Essence.com
You know the obvious deal breakers: too clingy, unfaithful, immature, princess mentality, etc. But believe it or not, men are sensitive to a few behaviors you wouldn’t think they notice—or perhaps you even thought they endorsed!
Every couple goes through rough times. However, where money is concerned, there is a lack of communication between people around the world. It’s a tough topic, and couples that have merged their economic situations can see their relationship go from smooth sailing to choppy waters.
Once your relationship begins to drown in financial issues, you’re on the path to either Breakup City or a financially hazardous relationship. If you are concerned about your or your honey’s finances, but don’t know the signs to look out for, take a look at these nine financial red flags that could be right under your nose, targeting your bank account.
I investigate. That’s just what I do. I like to know who and what I’m dealing with. Of course, I’ve heard that you shouldn’t go looking for anything because you will find it. And I believe this to a certain extent; but some things a girl just stumbles upon…and in this case it was something I wanted to know about a potential boo.
No, I didn’t discover that he was married or had a few kids stashed away somewhere. He wasn’t a convicted felon, nor did he have a secret life of being on the down-low. It wasn’t any of these catastrophic details that he failed to mention; it was something so insignificant that I didn’t even know a man would lie about: his age.
Yes, while playing investigator on Google I found out that my guy was two years older than he said he was. Immediately I thought, who does that? I know you’re immediately thinking, what’s the big deal? Sure, it’s only two years, but c’mon, it was only two years, so why lie about it? At that moment, my curiosity turned to anger, and then curiosity again. Seriously, who really does that?
Everything else about him added up for the most part, or at least, my investigation didn’t reveal any other secrets; but this was a bit much for me. I don’t do liars. And lying about something so minor, made it suddenly so major. If he chose to lie about this, what else would he lie about? Who was I really dating?
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and even asked him a second time what his age was, claiming that I had forgotten what he’d said; but to my dismay, he looked me dead in my face with a straight face and lied again. Immediately I realized either this guy had a serious issue with our age gap or he was a compulsive liar. I chose to think both and decided his lie was a huge red flag.
If he was, in fact, lying about his age, that would make him eight years older than me. And while this may have seemed like an immediate dismissal or problem to him, it actually wouldn’t have been for me. I had never dated a man more than five years older than me, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t open to it. What I wasn’t open to, however, was dating a liar.
A good man is hard to find; and although it had only been a few months, I thought I had found one. That was until I found out he was lying about something I wouldn’t have cared about and wound up making me question many more things about him and made me wonder what other lies he had told or would tell in the future. Whatever the reasoning behind the fib, it prevented our relationship from ever really flourishing.
I often think about what could have been, if only he hadn’t lied about something so simple; but I know if he lied about his age, nothing would have been off limits in the future. Lying is most definitely a red flag when weeding through the bad guys; but call me crazy, I still think he was a good guy. He just happened to tell a really stupid, bad lie, and for that reason (and a few other things), he was no longer my type.
I have been with my boyfriend six years, and we’ve lived together for four of them. I have never pressured him about marriage, and we have talked about it happening, but I’m starting to give up hope. While I feel content with our relationship, I’m becoming insecure about why he hasn’t asked me yet. I know it’s just a piece of paper, but I’d like to have the commitment before we have kids. On another note, he is the first man I’ve been with that has a very low sex drive—we go for weeks without having sex. As a professional, I’m asking, is this a red flag?
See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.
It doesn’t matter how much of a gentleman he has been up until that point: if a man you’re getting to know at a bar, on a date, or online says any of these lines, run — before he breaks your heart, or gives you the overwhelming urge to slap him.
Once something is deemed a “red flag,” it becomes part of the Bible of love; women believe it must be considered at all times.While red flags are good to be aware of, not every person and situation is the same. There are exceptions to the rules and if you’re not open to that possibility, you might shut out a lot of good guys. These red flags don’t always have to be red flags.
Like Ingrid Michaelson so simply put it, “Everybody, everybody wants to love. Everybody, everybody wants to be loved.” And because of this, women too often overlook the red flags, the signs of troubles ahead and the hints that this guy’s not the one. We let things slide because we want so badly to be pleasantly surprised. But all this ever gets us is even more disappointment in the end not only in the men we date, but also in ourselves for not going with our gut. After reading this list below, you’re held accountable for your own heartbreaks. If you ignored these signs and charged on, there was nobody that could save you but yourself.
Men have their radars too when it comes to women and dating. It might be embedded in their “guy code” or could be from personal experience, but when it comes to getting to know a woman, certain ‘red flags’ or warning signs alarm them of what they might be getting themselves into.
All of us have fallen for the exception to the rules and warning signs, and so have men, and the lesson and outcomes seem to be the same.
“I’ve dated women even after they’ve showed me these signs simply because there was something else about her that allowed me to look past them. But if we do end the relationship, and it ends up being because of red flags I noticed before, I end up being more disappointed in myself for not knowing better and not sticking to what I believe.”
Straight from the opinions of males (unidentified for privacy reasons), here are some red flags men take notice of while getting to know and dating a woman: