All Articles Tagged "Reconcile"
Three years ago when I ended my five-year relationship–the longest in my life–I knew it was over. Or so I thought. It took me a year and some months to really end it. I doubled back a couple of times, the relationship walk of shame I like to call it. I went back because it was hard adjusting to single life. I went back because the nights would get especially lonely every once in awhile, but every time I found myself back with my ex, I knew I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. But for a time, I couldn’t stop.
The other day I was scanning a celebrity break up list and noticed a good number of the people on the list had or were already reunited with their exes. Eva Longoria and her young boo, Kobe and Vanessa (I’m confused too), Nicole Scherzinger and Lewis Hamilton; Their reunions beat the speed of a celebrity blog post, which is no easy feat. This made me wonder, does anyone end a long-term relationship and leave it alone cold turkey?
A few weeks ago a close girlfriend shamefully admitted that she’d hooked back up with her scumbag ex. It was like watching a drug addict in the midst of a relapse; she rocked backed and forth, drew out the time before she could tell us–her circle of close friends–what transgression had transpired. After she’d confessed that she backpedaled, she continuously expressed how guilty she felt: “I can’t believe I did it. It won’t happen again…” I was upset with her, and a part of me wanted to shake her to remind her that this man cheated on her, numerous times. I wanted to remind her of his controlling ways and all the ”side chicks” that were blowing up her spot while they were together, but she didn’t need my reminder. She knew her ex was no good, and she hadn’t forgotten all the wrong he’d done. She didn’t want him back, or so she’d expressed to us all, and I believed her. I knew what she was doing. I’ve been there, yet it didn’t stop me from shaking my head at her step back.
As we consoled and scolded her, one by one we slowly but surely admitted that we’d been there, a couple of times in some instances. The room quieted down, and I can only imagine that everyone in the room was reliving their shame all over again. I know I was. Then it dawned on me, “Why should I be ashamed?”
The relationship walk of shame isn’t new to anyone. I’m pretty sure I’m not dropping a piece of knowledge on you that you’ve been longing for. Why is it so hard to accept it? Why are we so hard on our friends and even on ourselves when they’ve gone back to a less-than-worthy ex for a brief moment? Are there people out there who say bye and never look back?
I’m sure someone will have a story about a relationship or person they knew that walked away and never looked back. However, I suspect if I actually spoke to this person, really grilled them, they’d have a rocking back and forth confession moment too. In all fairness, I’m sure there are relationships out there that end, period. But in my life, all those relationships seem to have happened on television. My mom has done the walk, my siblings have done the walk, countless friends, and of course, myself.
Maybe the walk of shame has to happen for some. Sometimes the walk leads to reconciliation, which is all good if that’s what you want, but many times the shame walk can be helpful in doing the complete opposite. Often it can be closure–a little reminder of why you left in the first place. The shame helps confirm that you shouldn’t have anything to do with that person or that situation, and in the end, the “shame walk” can be the thing you need to keep on walking.
More on Madame Noire!
- Where Are They Now? Kids From a Few of Our Favorite Black TV Shows
- MN Exclusive: Kesha Nichols Dishes on Tami’s Apology, Dating a Show Producer, and How Editing Works on Reality TV
- True Life: What’s The Best Comeback You Had For A Man Who Hit On You On The Street?
- Where You Been Cherie Johnson? Part II
- Just Out Of Curiosity, Are You Over President Obama?
- The Thrill is Gone: 7 TV Shows That Need To Call It Quits…Like Yesterday
- Boy, Please: 8 Signs You’ll Just Never Be Into Him
For the most part, if you get to the point in your relationship when you feel unwilling or unable to fix things then breaking up may be good for both parties. However, some couples break up over a miscommunication (or a lack of communication) and a good talk could actually salvage things.
Here’s how you know whether or not getting back with your ex is worth your time…
By Angele D. Russell
We’ve all been there: break up with a guy, go out with girlfriends for a celebratory “he wasn’t worth your time” party, and then you wake up the next day wondering if you made the wrong decision. While you might still be holding enough feelings to believe he might change in the future, with some men, it’s best to just count your losses and take your experiences with him as a life lesson instead of running back. Here are six reasons why you should keep it movin’ and not give him a second chance.
I know, I said I don’t like using the word homewrecker for cheating women, but Kim Kardashian has actually wrecked her own home a few times so I think the term is pretty applicable to her.
Not long after Kim announced her 72-day marriage was a done deal last year, there was speculation that she ditched being Mrs. Kris Humphries to run back into the arms of ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush, and since that time, the rumors haven’t slowed down. The latest word is that the two are friends—for now—because Kim wants to take things slow and heal from the divorce, but both love and miss one another and don’t know what may come in the future. So while things may be up in the air right now, according to sources, if they land with Reggie and Kim back together, I just want to know two things: where they do that at and what kind of Voodoo, Angelie Jolie magic spell does Kim puts on these men to keep her in their good graces?
I’m actually starting to think Ray J really was sexmatized by her. See, Kim has one of those relationship rap sheets that, if she was a man, would make a woman tell her girlfriend “run!” She cheated with Kanye West while she was with Reggie which in turn ruined Amber Rose and Kanye’s relationship—theft rumors aside—then she got married to Kris in what seemed to be nothing more than a money-making publicity stunt that ended two-and-a-half months later. Not to mention this was her second marriage, and if we believe what Ray J has to say about “KK” in his new tell-all, she was creeping on him too. Can someone point me to this girl’s redeeming quality? Just one.
I know, it’s Kim and Reggie’s business what they do with their hearts, but I find it surprising Reggie would even entertain Kim after all of this drama. Men typically aren’t the type to give second chances, especially after they’ve been cheated on, and particularly when it comes to dating a woman who’s run through quite a few of our nation’s major league athletes. The locker room jokes alone would be enough to make most men say her ample backside just ain’t worth it. But not Reggie, he loves him some Kim, which made me wonder why they broke up in the first place again.
Let the Kardashians tell it, Reggie wasn’t ready for rings and baby carriages so Kim decided to find someone who was—we see how well that worked out. Reggie’s camp, on the other hand, said it was Kim’s crazy “work” schedule and her need to continuously be in the spotlight that pushed him away. Kim has taken a little breather from the media attention since announcing her divorce—sort of—so maybe Reggie sees that change as a positive sign that they can have more candlelight dinners and less cameras. But if he’s expecting to wife someone who will be happy waiting for him at home after he comes back from training camp and who won’t cheat on him while he’s gone, I’m just not sure Kim is the one. What happened to his look-a-like Kim K girlfriend anyway? That’s just one more sign that ol’ boy’s got it bad.
What do you think about Kim and Reggie getting back together? Is he crazy in love or are they right for one another?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
More on Madame Noire!
- More than Foxy Brown: Queens of Blaxploitation Films
- What’s Your Secret? 40-Something Women Who Look 30-Something
- NFL Player Loses Wife and Mother of Two to Suspected Brain Aneurysm
- Madonna, Chelsea Handler and White Woman Privilege
- Does Beyoncé’s Loreal Campaign Offend You?
- Ray J Discusses Relationships with ‘KK’ and Whitney in New Tell-All Book
- Who Deserves The Blame For Whitney Houston’s Demise?
- 10 Common Natural Hair Habits You Should Stop…Now