All Articles Tagged "proposal"
Some women just have it. “It” being that bold sense of self that allows them to set guys straight early on in a relationship. Take a former classmate of mine for example.
I just ran into her at our beloved Veronica Wells’s Bettah Days book launch party. I heard through the grapevine that she had just gotten engaged the week prior and congratulated her, welcoming her into the stressful wife-to-be club. I asked her about her future husband and how long they had been together. She told me it had been less than two years. When I asked her if she saw the proposal coming, she might as well have said, “You bet your sweet a– I knew!”
“Oh yeah, girl. I told him a year into our relationship that I’m not the kind of woman who’s going to be your girlfriend for like five years,” she said. “I told him what I was looking for and said that if he wasn’t looking for the same thing, I wouldn’t waste time.”
While some women make their plans plain and clear, a lot of us wait (and wait…and wait…) and hope that the men in our lives will realize how special we are and step up sooner rather than later. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Sometimes you end up in a relationship with a man for six years and don’t get the proposal you’ve been waiting on. In one woman’s case, who shared her story on a popular wedding website, her spouse said he saw her as someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with early on in their relationship. He was doing well for himself, made good money, and had a stable life — but still hadn’t proposed after six years. Our friend kept waiting and let the resentment build. Her dissatisfaction grew so much that it literally caused her to start looking at her spouse much differently and “emotionally let it destroy me.” She initially hinted about a proposal, then they had to sit down and really talk about it. He made it seem like a proposal was coming soon.
“Well… eventually I gave up,” she said. “I started thinking of him differently, and sometimes would feel angry when he was around. I didn’t like being intimate with him anymore. I still enjoyed his company, and we had fun together. I still loved him, but in a different way.”
As it turns out, he eventually proposed (the weekend before her post), and did so in a pretty romantic way by cooking her dinner and popping the question by the fireplace. She loved the ring. She loved him. But she was so scarred by the waiting game she had been put through that, you guessed it, she told him she couldn’t marry him. In the end, it seems that waiting so long not only built resentment, but showed her that maybe he wasn’t the right man for her.
“Men don’t realize the pain that waiting can cause,” she concluded.
I had never read anything like that. In retrospect, though, it made sense. It’s almost like a friend saying and saying and saying they’re going to do something, and when they finally act like they can make the time and care enough to follow through, you don’t even want to be bothered anymore. I can see how continuously being told that you’re the one someone wants and will propose to, and then not seeing any sign of that happening, can literally make you sick. It becomes a game. Every holiday becomes a nerve-wracking one as you wait and wonder if the the gift under the tree will be a ring; if during Thanksgiving dinner with family he will get down on one knee and pop the question; if he will make a big scene on Valentine’s Day. It’s terrible. My sister’s good friend was with a man for more than 10 years (they started dating in high school) and found herself playing that game until she eventually gave up on the relationship.
Still, it’s all complicated. I think it pays to have a plan like my former classmate who was proposed to recently, while also knowing how to be easy. It’s important to go into a relationship with your intentions made clear and mind right. If you don’t want to be a girlfriend for forever and day, say so. If he can’t see himself wanting to settle down if the relationship is right within a few years, you have to figure out whether or not you are willing to get up and go find what you’re looking for. But at the same time, is that all we’re going into relationships looking for nowadays? Do some of us want the nurturing and loving relationship with a genuinely good person or just want a proposal to say we were able to get one?
I know a girl who was proposed to right after their one-year anniversary. She wanted to be engaged so bad. When it was finally time to field questions about dates, bonding with his family and taking the next step, she realized the man she was about to marry wasn’t the right fit and left him heartbroken a year later. Oh, and she kept the ring.
I say that to say that if you go into a situation ticking down the clock in preparation for a proposal, rather than learning, loving and growing with a person and just letting things run their course, you are tripping about this waiting game. But in the case of this particular woman, while I think she should have picked up and left rather than allowing things to get so bad that her stomach turned at the idea of her significant other, I also believe six years was too long after he said early on he wanted to marry her. Still, I guess it was for the best. Had he not made her wait, she wouldn’t have realized she was waiting for the wrong man…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is this petty? If a guy says he thinks you’re the one, how long is too long to wait for him to propose?
Serious question: Would you say “Yes” if you didn’t really mean it? Not every proposal happens with “Dangerously in Love” playing in the background. But what happens when you walk down the aisle despite the chill coming from your your cold feet?
Recently, the folks over at Reddit asked their married readers what took place when they decided to get married even though they had serious doubts about their relationship and wanted to ditch it. And not just any doubts, but “We should have broken up ages ago” or “I was going to say it’s over but wound up pregnant” doubts.
It sounds like a recipe for immediate disaster. But wait until you read these surprising stories. We were shocked at some of the outcomes. And after you read them, let us know: Is it ever a good idea to walk down the aisle if you’re having cold feet? Let us know how you feel about saying “I do” if a person is really feeling more like “I don’t.”
Did you know that one in four women have said “I won’t” to the big question? Well, these celebrities are on that list. Find out who had their hearts broken and why.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’m a 33-year-old female and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now. I moved in with him after the first year, and now I’m ready to take the relationship to the next level. I got tired of waiting for the next step, so I proposed to him. The first time I did it he laughed, but it was after the first year, so I waited. The second time, he gave me some reasons why we couldn’t get married. (One reason was because I asked him.) I don’t want to be the eternal girlfriend, so I’m thinking of leaving him. Am I moving too fast or am I wasting my time? Please help!
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
Justin Timberlake has turned into Inspector Gadget for his next music video!
Today, Ellen DeGeneres announced that the “Mirrors” singer called to ask her to reveal an interesting clip from his new music video, “Not a Bad Thing.” Instead of the singer capturing his famous choreographed danced move, his new music video is actually a documentary. The video is based on a true story of a couple who recently got engaged on New York City’s Long Island Railroad on January 12, 2014. The prospective groom used one of Timberlake’s songs to propose to his bride-to-be.
A team of people hunt for this happy couple, passing out flyers and going door to door. But the team of filmmakers isn’t able to ferret out the pair. The upside? They do run into several other couples with adorable, inspiring love stories.
The clip on the DeGeneres show ended with a: “to be continued…” cliffhanger. Timberlake’s documentary is heartfelt and gives viewers the real about the hard work love requires. After it ended, Ellen encouraged people who know the couple to call into her show. Hopefully Mr. Timberlake will find the engaged couple to feature in his video.
Check out Timberlake’s “Not A Bad Thing” video, below.
Jacques Bastien is the founder of social media agency, Boogie. He’s also one of most persistent marriage proposers ever.
It took Bastien four ambiguous proposals to his girlfriend Dahcia Lyons before really going for it on the fifth. Throughout the week, he combined their love for social media and digital campaigning to get his girlfriend’s attention (with some singing included, of course).
Before the actual proposal, Bastien even created a website for Lyons.
To watch how he combines all these things in five memorable proposals, check out the video above — because the fifth time’s the charm, right?
Read more about this proposal story at BlackVoices.com
He’s going to pop the question so the question for you is, should you say “I do”? Once the ring is out, there’s a lot of pressure to say yes, but not every relationship is meant to last forever. Sometimes a proposal is actually the perfect time to say “I don’t.” Here are 15 reasons to turn down a marriage proposal.
I had always been sure I wanted to get married, and the longer I dated Dean, the more sure I was that he was the right one for me. That is…until I got engaged.
Dean’s proposal wasn’t a surprise. I was too nosey to not know it was happening, and I enthusiastically said yes the moment he asked. However, once it happened (in a sweet and thoughtful way, I should add), I began to feel these nagging questions eating away at me: Did I really want to be married? Would we be any good at it?
I love Dean, but in the bright light of wedding planning I found myself picking him apart. Every minor misstep seemed like a warning sign urging me to think twice. When he got my coffee order wrong, I accused him of never listening to me; when he was running late the night we had dinner plans with my friends, I screamed that he didn’t value my time. He usually fell asleep before me and he woke up early, which I used as an example of our lives being out of sync. Everyday things that never mattered before were suddenly turning into major crises.
The nagging doubt I was feeling was also being fed by external sources. Two of my close friends had recently divorced their husbands, and my best friend at work was finalizing her split at the same time as I was deep in the throes of planning my union. Side by side, we would be on the telephone: me with the caterers, her with her attorney. On their good days, my newly single friends were excited for me and Dean, but on their bad days they were cautiously critical of the institution of marriage. They had their horror stories and they didn’t always filter them for my benefit.
It seemed as if everyone—my friends, the characters in my book club book (Jane Green’s Beach House) to newsmakers (John Edwards, Mel Gibson, David Letterman, and um, Tiger!) —was having affairs or leaving their spouses.
Read more on this woman’s engagement at YourTango.com
Chicago Bulls cheerleader Ariana Rosado received the shock of her life during Thursday night’s Bulls-Heat game when the Luvabulls squad’s third-quarter routine didn’t go quite as planned. And luckily for us, it was all caught on tape! At the beginning of the video, Ariana’s boyfriend, Shane Zackery appears backstage explaining that he plans to propose to her.
“As you can see, I’m currently sitting backstage. Tonight, I’m going to surprise my girlfriend, Ariana, who is a Luvabull, and I’m actually going to propose to her. We’re going to do this in the third quarter during one of their performances. So if you can, please stay in your seat and let’s make this a memorable night,” Shane says.
The video then cuts to the dance performance. Not even a full minute into the routine, Ariana’s dance team take an unexpected choreographical turn and leave her confused, standing alone in the middle of the basketball court as Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” begins playing. Bulls mascot Benny the Bull the makes his way onto the court, pulling up a chair for Ariana to sit down in. A clearly confused Ariana is then rejoined on the the court by her fellow dancers and two other inflatable Bulls mascots. Out of one of the costumes comes Shane. You can probably guess what happens next.
Check out footage of the adorable proposal on the next page.
Wedding rings are meant to be a symbol of the union of two souls, but no two souls are created equal, in fact some are down right quirky. Here are 14 of the weirdest engagement rings that real couples wear proudly.