All Articles Tagged "privacy"
“K walked in on me and Nate having sex,” says your best friend, face so flushed you can feel the heat burning through the phone.
Your first reaction is Eww, but since she probably feels bad enough already, you settle on “Whoa.”
“It was in the middle of the night and we look up and she’s standing there, rubbing her eyes, talking about how she wants some water. So Nate said, ‘Mommy and daddy were just wrestling. Go to your room.’”
“Did she believe it?”
“Girl, she’s five going on 50. I went to her room right after and she starts asking me all these questions: ‘Were ya’ll really wrestling? Was daddy throwing you in the air? Did I hear you crying?’ It was horrible.”
“Yea, I know. I just hope we didn’t scar her for life.”
“Awe, maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think. I’m sure she’ll be alright.”
You feel for your friend because you know first hand how challenging it can be to monitor everything your five-year-old sees. Between ISIS and promos for the latest R-rated movie, watching the morning news is an exercise in how fast you can turn the channel. The last thing you want is expose her to images that could steal her innocence and get her thinking about things that she’s too young to understand. And though you can’t control what she’ll be exposed to outside, inside is your domain. To have your kid walk in on you having sex is like having all your efforts blow up in smoke in one single swoop. Boom!
But at the same time, ish happens and it shouldn’t be the end of the world. You were speaking to another friend who says he walked in on his parents doing the do when he was about six years old and he thought they were just playing around or wrestling. It wasn’t until he was older that he realized what he saw.
You decided to reach out to Dr. Kristin Carothers, Psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, to see what advice she would give parents should something like this happen. “First,” she says, “Parents are more embarrassed than the kid so try to be as normal about it as possible.” And while she understands that your friend’s husband was thinking fast on his feet, so to speak, she feels that it’s tricky to use wrestling as an explanation because it’s too closely associated with aggression. You don’t want to send that type of message. She suggests saying, ‘Mommy and daddy love each other very much and sometimes they have special times called ‘intimacy’ when they show each other that love.’ Also let her know that mommy and daddy were both safe.”
As far as ‘scarring the child for life,’ a valid concern, Dr. Carothers says, “Don’t worry, the child will be fine.” She does, however, suggest locking the door to prevent something like this from happening in the future. “Let your child know that sometimes parents need privacy, but she’s welcome to knock on the door at any time.”
Something tells you this will not be happening again.
Pop Mom: Kerry Washington Says Though She’s In The Public Eye, Her Personal Life Is Not Your Business
During a recent panel discussion at the SXSW music and film conference called “The New Rules Of Social Stardom,” actress Kerry Washington made it clear, again, that she doesn’t talk about her personal life. That means keeping a tight lip, even when divorce rumors swirl, which they do; and get even louder during awards season when Kerry is often on the red carpet solo. Where is husband Nnamdi, everyone wants to know?
I find myself wondering too because I’m a fan of Scandal and sometimes I think about how her husband feels seeing his wife get it on with two men, white guys at that, each week. I mean, she toned down the sex with Jake, but at one point she had him and the President rotating. Maybe he brushes it off as a part of her job, but we don’t know, and won’t anytime soon.
“If I don’t talk about my personal life, it means I don’t talk about my personal life,” she explained. “That means not only did I not tell you when I was getting married, it also means if somebody has rumors about what’s going on in my marriage, I don’t refute them, because I don’t talk about my personal life.”
Clearly, her rules of social stardom gear towards keeping her private life private, but it’s the opposite of what a lot of today’s celebrity couples are doing. Sooo when it comes to relationship, public or private?
On one hand, you have Chrissy Teigen and John Legend who let it all hang out. You’re going to see them, the dog, the kitchen, everybody kissing. And not to be outdone, we have Ciara and Russell Wilson. I feel like we all knew about their engagement two minutes before it happened.
I was checking it out on instagram getting really caught up in the romance. It starts looking like success in love is all about public display, extreme PDA. But does it mean that it last?
I’m getting ready to put a picture of my daughter on Instagram, even though it violates a rule that my husband and I have of not over-sharing photos of our kids. But this one of her sitting in her bed surrounded by stuffed animals is so adorable that I can hardly resist. I get it all edited and ready to go when something tells me to stop. If this picture were to somehow make the rounds out there in social media land and he saw it, he’d know immediately that it came from me.
Let me just ask him what he thinks, before I post it.
“I like it,” he says, “but why do you want to put it online?”
I tell him that I really like the photo, and it’s been a while since I posted anything of the kids, which is not really true because I posted something on New Year’s Eve.
“Nah, I don’t think it’s necessary,” he says. “And remember we don’t want them on social media like that.”
I don’t make a big deal out of it, but I’m disappointed, and it’s on my mind as I go to bed. I adore my kids and I’m proud of them too. Sometimes I take a picture that I love and get mad because the only person that will see it is my mom and a handful of friends. I also think in terms of work. Some of us work in fields where the more people feel like they know us, the better. Nothing builds a connection like a family photo or cute snaps of the kids. I see tons of bloggers doing it, even celebrities (hello, Kimora Lee!) and I can’t help wondering if I’m making it harder on myself.
The next morning, I wake up to discover that David Bowie is dead. I’m shocked. Not because I’m such a huge David Bowie fan, I mean, I dig him like a lot of other people, but he was rarely on my mind. But in this case, he was. I had discovered a link of him and Freddy Mercury singing ‘Under Pressure’ acappella just days before his death that I played nonstop and shared throughout my social media. It was like I had rediscovered David Bowie! Then he died. Just like that.
So like a lot of people, I find myself scrambling the internet for David Bowie.
I soon realize how much I don’t know about the man. Like how he supported Black music and raked MTV over the coals for not playing videos by Black artists. Who knew that him and Iman had been together over 20 years? And I even forgot they had a daughter, Alexandria Zahra, that nobody sees!
Wow. How did this rock star/supermodel couple remain so publicly private? I find the answer in an interview between supermodel Naomi Campbell and Iman from a couple of years ago. She tells Naomi:
“We decided from early on that we will keep the press and editors and everybody out of our house. So we totally understand the difference between the public and the private.”
But at the same time, she says of the usefulness of Twitter:
“If I say something about David, I get 1000 tweets, if I say something about my business just a few! The more personal, the better.”
She obviously recognizes the world we live in. The more open, the more tweets, the more followers, the more endorsements, the more money. But still, I don’t get the sense that they’ve ever given too much. Can we say the same about Jay Z and Beyonce, or even Kimye? The closest we have to rock stars and their iconic wives?
Hmm…yes we can. We think we know them because we see them everywhere, but are we seeing these celebrities or their public personas? I doubt if Kanye wears that public scowl to bed at night. He might be a very funny person or a big cuddly bear. And what about Kim? Maybe she takes off that pound of makeup, that wig, and that booty, and hangs it all on the wall, after another long day of putting on “The Kim Show.” We get what they give, and foolishly think it’s everything.
At the end of the day, whether it’s the Bowies or Kimye, it’s just business.
Bringing it back to me, I’m seeing that it’s about business too, not just sharing for the sake of sharing or just to be liked and get likes. It’s about giving just enough that people want more, without ever going overboard and losing yourself. It’s the oldest marketing trick in the book.
Check out Erickka Sy Savané’s column, Pop Mom, right here on Madamenoire. Before Erickka became a writer/editor, she was a model, actress, and MTV VJ. She lives with her husband and two daughters in Jersey City. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Perhaps we should stop focusing on how much the government may or may not overstep privacy boundaries and start looking to our jobs. This is getting a little bit out of hand.
It’s understandable that businesses want to keep tabs on their employees. With so many distractions like social media, it’s easy for people to get caught up in non-work-related activities. After all, if you’re going to pay someone to do a job, you want to make sure that they actually do it and efficiently as possible. That however does not give companies the right to invade our privacy.
I don’t think anyone gets paid that well to allow it.
Entrepreneur published an article about a woman who was terminated from her job because she refused to use a mobile app that would allow them to follow her whereabouts. Aside from sounding a bit creepy, the “personal LoJack” would also track what she did off the clock.
Now she’s fighting back.
Before we jump to a side, it’s important to understand a few facts that might sway your opinion (it probably won’t). Yes the company did request for this newly-hired sales executive to download the app, but on her employer-issued smartphone. The product called Xora StreetSmart allows businesses to follow their employees via GPS and also track things like assignments and hours. Perhaps this is a wee more understandable considering there’s no way to fully monitor an employee who spends most of their time outside the office. Even though I still don’t like the idea of being “watched,” I get it.
This is where is gets tricky.
Myrna Arias (the woman suing) apparently had no problem with the app and only wanted to make sure it was used during work hours. Apparently her boss told her she had to keep it on at all times in order to answer client-related phone calls and “tolerate the illegal intrusion.” She was fired not too long after disabling the app from her phone.
Maybe this is one of the reasons why so many people are heading down the freelancing route. Who the heck wants to work for a company that can monitor your every move? My question is who wants to be the person that has to document every place an employee goes, and are executives required to install this app too?
Companies are definitely getting bolder when it comes to your personal time and accounts. Not only are some demanding the passwords to your social media, but also want you to use your personal accounts to promote their ventures. I turned down a freelance opportunity because they wanted this information along with the ability to control what I publish on my own Facebook and Twitter profiles. Child please. Call me a “whore” like Kevin Hart, but those accounts are called personal for a reason. And while I don’t mind publishing or retweeting something, don’t think you hold the strings to tell me when and how.
Hopefully your employer never asks you to do something that invades your privacy. Lord knows how hard it is to find a job–a nice paying one at that–which can make it hard to leave. All of us have bills and obligations that require our time. The question is whether or not you’re willing to sell your personal information to the highest bidder.
Would you allow your job to invade or control your private time?
When I first met my fiancé over 10 years ago, I bet he had no idea I’d be the woman he’d eventually marry. In all honesty, the relationship was completely based on sex initially and if he was a different kind of man who was into social media he may have posted details of what exactly went on between us when we occasionally hooked up or even shared private pics meant for his eyes only with his friends. Don’t get it twisted, ladies. Men gossip as much as we do and for some when the getting is good they want to tell it to the world.
Last weekend singer Chris Brown took to Instagram to post a very revealing pic of on again/off again girlfriend’s Karrueche’s almost bare behind (he’s since deleted the pic, but you can view the pic and get the deets here). In fact the only thing attempting to cover her are a thong, a bra strap and her “zipper” tattoo. Now in Kae’s defense, she is a model so the pic was probably no big thing to her and these days showing your cakes is equivalent to rocking a crop top. But the picture hit a nerve and all I could hear was my fiancé’s voice in the back of my mind saying, “Guys don’t do things like that to girls they care about.”
Like the lyrics to Future’s “I Won”, most men feel like when they’ve got a good girl, especially if she’s breaking other men’s necks, they just want to show her off like a trophy. And there’s something sweet about a man being proud of his woman. But where does one draw the line between pride and disrespect? As much as a man may want to show his woman off, there comes a point where certain behaviors and body parts are for his eyes only and sharing the things you see behind closed doors on social media somehow “cheapens” her. How can something be so special if you’re sharing it with any random stranger who follows you on Instagram?
When I asked a few male friends about if guys dish the details about sex with their girlfriends to their buddies, I received a resounding, “Absolutely not.” The reason? Most men don’t want to invite imagination. While the fact remains some men will tell anyone who will listen about the good loving they’re getting, most men don’t want to share anything with anyone that might trigger some kind of curiosity. More importantly, the guys I talked to said that they wouldn’t want their friends to look at the woman they love disrespectfully. I was told, “Who wants their friends thinking of the pic you shared of her in a leopard g-string when she walks in the door with a bag of groceries one day? There has to be boundaries.”
And like any relationship, boundaries are important. I’ve heard women talk about how they strut around the house in booty shorts and bras in front of their man’s friends because “they’re like brothers”. I’ve heard guys talk about how they don’t care about sharing private pics of their women with their friends. But I call BS. Getting too comfortable can invite curiosity and furthermore it’s unnecessary. I’m sure your friends have some inkling that your girl is banging if that’s indeed the case. Do they really need to see her spread eagle on your bed sheets butt naked as proof?
Maybe I’m just a bit old-fashioned but I’m beginning to believe privacy in underrated. There comes a point where sharing isn’t caring when you’re parading private moments like sideshows in a three-ring circus. Just because you’ve got a camera and a ”share” button doesn’t mean you have to use it. And you have to consider the Pandora’s box you may be opening when the private parts of your relationship are suddenly public knowledge.
Do you mind if your man overshares details of your private moments?
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
Well, there’s an app for that. Actually, a few; an arsenal of tech tools designed to keep your communication safe and secure. Enter Invisible Text, an app that allows users to send messages to other customers that will self-destruct after a set amount of time, retract a text before its been read and send GPS locations, among other secure features. Not to mention, a user’s information (outside of his/her phone number) isn’t stored.
“With Invisible Text, your message is gone,” says founder Dez White. “Once it times out, it’s gone and that gives you the comfort of knowing that your message is not saved on a server; that I’m not logging in and looking at your message to your boyfriend or your grandma. It gives you a level of relief and that’s why we’re different. We like to do what we say we’re going to do.”
As the founder of celebrity gossip site MouthToEars.com, the 30-year-old entrepreneur was all too familiar with the need for secure messaging. For fear of leaving a paper trail, many sources refused to come forward, which prompted the mompreneur to get the ball rolling on her tech idea. She found a developer and investor, all while applying for multiple patents, and, nearly a year later, White launched Invisible Text.
The Southern California native has garnered the support of athletes, celebrities and business execs like Paris Hilton, Lamar Odom, Andy Milonakis, Gilbert Arenas and Dame Dash, who is White’s mentor. The app’s early adopters include Arenas, who’s an Invisible Text investor, Los Angeles Clippers player Matt Barnes and Halle Berry’s manager Vincent Cirrincione.
Since launching in 2013, Invisible Text has over 200,000 downloads.
The Howard University grad could’ve easily stopped there, but decided to unveil two more offerings: Invisible Call and Invisible Email. With Invisible Call (in beta), a user can make a phone call to other users without ever leaving any trace of a call log; Invisible Email allows users to send emails, documents, photos and the like, which disappears after being viewed by the recipient. This summer, the “email anyone” feature will be released, allowing Invisible Email users to email Gmail holders from their accounts. There will also be an Invisible Call addition; a feature that lets you pick the number that appears when you place a call to an outside line.
The busy mother of two, author and tech entrepreneur isn’t stopping there. She’s got several other ventures in the works. Later this year, she and rapper Camron are slated to release RapBattleLive. In roughly three months, expect the debut of Blind Debit, a payment platform that allows you to purchase with your fingerprint. Both are in partnership with Dash.
White, who may be the youngest female tech entrepreneur to develop a suite of apps, encourages other young women of color to become producers of technology. “I didn’t have to become Kevin [Systrom] from Instagram. I became Dez from Invisible Text.”
Based in New York City, Janel Martinez is a multimedia journalist who covers technology and entrepreneurship. She is the founder of “Ain’t I Latina?” an online destination geared toward Afro-Latinas. You can follow her up-to-the-minute musings on Twitter @janelmwrites.
It seems so Orwellian. But according to a bombshell report by The Washington Post the National Security Agency (NSA) have been tapping into the central servers of nine top U.S. Internet companies. It is part of a highly classified program code-named PRISM that began in 2007, reports The Guardian. The tap is all encompassing, allegedly collecting audio, video, photos, emails, documents, and connection logs that let analysts follow a user’s movements and contacts from Microsoft, Yahoo, Google, Facebook, Paltalk, AOL, Skype, YouTube, and Apple.
And it seems the government bypassed getting permission from the companies. “Senior officials from the aforementioned Internet companies told the Guardian that they did not offer direct access to servers and that if data collection was taking place, it was without their knowledge,” reports The Daily Beast in their Cheat Sheet snapshot of the scandal. But the government says that the reports of the tapping are not fully correct. National Intelligence director James Clapper issued a statement on his website stating that the reports “contain numerous inaccuracies” and that the collection of communications “cannot be used to intentionally target any U.S. citizen, any other U.S. person, or anyone located within the United States.”
The snooping scandal has been at full boil for the past couple of days, first with revelations, also from The Guardian, that the NSA was collecting data from millions of Verizon customers. “The document shows for the first time that under the Obama administration the communication records of millions of US citizens are being collected indiscriminately and in bulk – regardless of whether they are suspected of any wrongdoing,” the article says. This contradicts some of what’s being said at this point — Are people in the US being watched or not? Who? What? Huh? — but at this point, with more information coming out, it’s inevitable that things are going to need to be hashed out. It’s clear, however, based on what’s being pushed out, that the surveillance is widespread.
Today, President Obama defended the surveillance, saying during a press conference, “Nobody is listening to your telephone calls… You can’t have 100 percent security and then also have 100 percent privacy and zero inconvenience.” According to Obama, Congress and judges on the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) court were making sure that the surveillance didn’t overstep any bounds.
Despite the concern and controversy, many Americans are kind of giving the whole thing a bit of a “meh,” feeling as though the revelations only confirm what was already a widely-known secret. But, according to The New York Times, while people were, for instance, very upset about news that Harvard University had taken a peek at the email messages sent by faculty members earlier this year, “[b]y every indication, the continued concern about domestic terrorism has colored the way Americans are reacting to intrusions in their privacy.”
So how do you feel about this? Are you surprised?
Tonya Garcia contributed to this post.
Though you may not want to admit it, at some point in time you have Google’d a date’s name, gone through your boyfriend’s clothes drawer, or taken a quick look through his Facebook messages when he accidentally left himself signed in on your computer. To most people, this is definitely considered snooping. The act alone stands as one of the most controversial in the dating world. But, in the end, no matter if you find it right or wrong, if you’re going to snoop, there are some definite do’s and dont’s.
‘My Business Is My Business:’ Lauren London Talks Privacy And Not Caring About The Public’s Thoughts On Her Pregnancy
Lauren London is most known for her breakout role as NewNew in T.I.’s 2006 film, ATL. Although she may seem like an overnight success, the 28-year-old L.A. girl says she encountered a lot of rejection before became the big-time television actress we see before us today. In her recent interview with Vibe Vixen, The Game actress opened up about her early years in the industry, being a single mom and why she refuses to take mess off of anyone.
On facing a lot of rejection during the early years of her career:
“Starting my career, there was a lot of rejection going on. I remember my dad telling me that if you let that define you, they’ll basically make you nothing. You have to define yourself. Every time you hear a no, it’s one step closer to a yes. Jobs come and go, so I don’t get too down on myself. You have to stay self-motivated. If you wait for someone else to motivate you, you’ll be waiting for a long time. You have to really be your own cheerleader. Even if you don’t feel all that way in the moment, tell yourself that you’re enough.”
On maintaining her privacy:
“I was always a private person. My business is my business. I have a small group of friends, and I just like the simple things out of life. My privacy is something that I value. I’m also socially awkward.”
On finding out she was pregnant:
“The public was the last thought. Most of my thoughts were on my family and inner circle. It was mostly how is this affecting Lauren as a person and is Lauren ready to completely put herself to the side and be a mother. My priorities were changing. My career was last.”
“Before ATL, people didn’t know about me. I auditioned for ATL and no one cared who I was. I was a regular girl in L.A. who auditioned and got the role. No one knew I was doing it and I did it. No one gave me that. I did that. They can’t take what they didn’t give. God has the last say, so I just trust that. Is it an uphill battle? Yes. But isn’t everything? I’m not starving.”
Thoughts on marriage:
“I think it’s awesome when it’s done right. I don’t think anyone is supposed to be alone, you know. Having a partner and having somebody that is with you through the ups and downs is awesome. I’m all about connection. If I connected with someone and met a nice guy maybe, but I just haven’t ran into that yet.”
On lessons from her mom that she plans to pass down to her son:
“Being resilient. No matter what, never giving up on your dreams. It sounds cliché but it’s so real. She grew up struggling, but she was always very positive, no matter how bad things came. We kept a positive outlook because your perception is everything. It is your reality. That is something I want to pass down to my child. My mom was very into inner beauty. She would say all the time, “Being cute is cute, but who are you on the inside?”
On lessons she’s still learning:
“[To have] faith and thicker skin. Not letting what people have to say about me matter so much.”
On constantly being scrutinized by the media:
“I’m not going to front. I’m not a lover, I’m a fighter. I will forget that I am Hollywood and get Holly-hood [Laughs].”
Over the past few years, we have been allowed to enter the Queen Bey’s Hive. Through Beyoncé’s social media accounts, we are able to scroll through her most priceless moments with family, stunning performances, and selfies. Like all of us, Beyoncé controls how she wants to appear to her audience. Therefore, when Beyoncé banned independent photographers from her Mrs. Carter tour, I didn’t understand why people began to ask: “Is Beyoncé not secure in the skin she’s in?” When what we should be asking ourselves is: As consumers (and human beings), do we allow others the same non-judgmental agency when controlling their Internet personas?
“Beyoncé may run the world, but the diva is going to extremes to have some serious control over her internet personification. The decision was indubitably prompted by this year’s Super Bowl fiasco, after Buzzfeed published unflattering photos that propelled Beyoncé’s publicist to issue an emailed request for removal. Instead of taking the pictures down or replacing them, the site reposted the images and the email with the headline: “The ‘Unflattering’ Photos Beyoncé’s Publicist Doesn’t Want You to See.” Visitors of Buzzfeed are familiar with the comedic and playful tone to the popular site, but Bey wasn’t laughing.”
Yes, people are interested in a Beyoncé who does not “wall” herself in, at her convenience. We want to see those stank-faces while she is dancing so we can feel the passion, blood, sweat, and tears of every practice session that make her concerts so noteworthy. But if she is not comfortable with sharing a less than flattering picture of herself, can we find it in ourselves to let her live? If a friend uploads an undesirable photo of you on a social network, you would want it to be removed. “Take away the power to un-tag and how many women would be orchestrating an online petition to permanently ban Facebook from ever seeing the light of day?” When people become celebrities, do we set and require new societal expectations? Our implications show we demand total transparency from celebrities even if it is embarrassing because we are far removed from the actual life they live.
Beyoncé’s appearance of flawlessness has helped her brand come off as all-s*xy and all-sassy all the time, consistent, and never messy. With Beyoncé we know what we are paying for – her talents and not antics. Though her brand is constantly evolving, we must also remember her rise to fame did not occur during the social media age. “The Beyoncé we’ve come to know has constructed an entire empire based off of seeming perfection and trying to keep the focus on her music, her acting endeavors, her business ventures. She receives million dollar endorsements solely from her pristine beauty and body. I’m not sure how it feels to be labeled one of the most beautiful women in the world, but in addition to her already gargantuan self-standards, one can only imagine the pressure she’s put under. And her rule number one is to never let them catch you slipping. And we can all agree that the one thing Beyoncé demonstrates in her career is to “be a brand first, human second.”
Fans are always thirsty (even the anti-folks who go to every story about her to down her) for her to send out bow-down tweets to other artists or to hear the juicy, most intimate details of her marriage to Jay-Z. The want for Beyoncé to find the perfect medium between her private and public self for the entertainment of others is alarming. We tend to forget we all have inner-Beys. Privacy settings, makeup, and filters have allowed us to leverage between who we are and who we want to expose ourselves to. Are we really out here posting our bad photos and embarrassing ourselves through social media? Of course not–we want people to see us at our best. In reality we are controlling how our “audience” (aka, our friends, family and foes) views our authenticity just like Queen Bey. So what’s the problem?