All Articles Tagged "pregnancy"
There are few conversations about sex that actually make me want to punch a wall — even three years later. But one conversation in particular has had that effect.
It was an office Christmas party, and a circle of women was engaged in animated chit chat about work, pop culture, and all the sorts of things you discuss at Christmas parties. We worked at a magazine that covered books, so I mentioned a new nonfiction title coming out called The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant.
The second the title left my mouth, one woman, a 50-something with a blonde bob and photos of her two kids plastered around her office, snorted so loud she nearly dropped her drink.
“Oh PLEASE,” she guffawed. “Is it just the words ‘Have lots of sex’ repeated for 200 pages??”
Modern women (and men) are blessed with an excellent body of knowledge on how to get pregnant. From middle school on, we learn precisely what activity winds up getting a girl knocked up. And so we spend the first 10, 20 — even 30 years of our post-puberty lives doing anything possible to not wind up pregnant.
And then, when/if we eventually choose to reverse gears and produce some babies, we think we know what’s in store: sex, and tons of it. Nonstop orgies of pill- and condom-free sex. The flowing river of sex you always wished you could have. A wild circus of erotic wonders and orgasms galore!
What no one mentions is that there’s a perfectly good chance that you won’t get pregnant on the first go-round. Or the second. Or the third. And that before you know it, the one activity that has been your go-to for pleasure in life has become a ceaseless, soul-crushing chore.
Yes, you read that right: Sex to conceive can be a miserable, pleasureless act that makes you question why anyone does the deed at all.
The fact is, getting pregnant can be very easy. Or it can be impossible. Some women slip and fall on a penis, and look! They’re ready to give birth nine months later. Others spend years, thousands of dollars, and a good portion of their sanity on pills, injections, painful and uncomfortable procedures and more pills, only to wind up with absolutely zero results.
Modern medicine knows very little about the differences between these two types of women. Much of the time, doctors and science can’t tell you which type you are. Your ability to get knocked up when you want to all depends on a million things going right at any one time (to the point that it’s almost remarkable that anyone ever gets pregnant at all). And the kicker is, you won’t have any idea which side of the spectrum you fall on until you actually leap in and start “trying.” (See? Even the word we use for sex when it’s supposed to result in pregnancy — “trying” — is unsexy. Trying.)
Personally, I’ve ventured pretty far into “meds, injections, and more meds” territory. After 13 years of dutifully taking my pill every day, I went off birth controll full of optimism and enthusiasm. Bought new lingerie, started taking prenatal vitamins and read every book and website on conceiving that I could get my hands on. The key, all this literature said, is the timing. Getting pregnant is all abouthaving sex when you ovulate. Which sounds obvious. Except when you actually try to do it.
The good news is that an entire industry of tools has been developed to figure out precisely when your ovaries release an egg. You can buy sticks to pee on and thermometers to stick in your mouth (or other places) and charts to fill in. And then you have to find that one 48-hour window, and have as much sex as possible during it.
Read more about sex and pregnancy at YourTango.com
“Mommy, where do babies come from?”
It’s a question most parents dread to hear their children ask. Although it’s quite understandable that kids won’t have these answers, the truth is, their mother’s should. Ironically, most don’t.
Results of a controversial new study reveal that an alarmingly high percentage of women don’t know as much about their reproductive health as they should—many think that it helps to have sex multiple times a day and raise your hips afterward when you’re “trying” to conceive. Sadly, they’re mistaken.
Researchers from the Yale School of Medicine noticed so many misconceptions about medicine in their patients, they decided to survey 1,000 women ages 18-40 around the country about reproductive health. The findings, released Monday by Yale and First Response and published in the Journal of Fertility and Sterility, found that 51-percent of women surveyed incorrectly believe that having sex more than once a day would increase their chances of conception. A whopping 40-percent of participants believed lying on their back and raising their hips after sex and using certain sexual positions help with conception, despite the lack of any scientific evidence to back it. Since only 50-percent of women surveyed had ever discussed their reproductive health with their medical provider, we felt it was time for a little doctor’s visit for all.
We checked in with Lubna Pal, MBBS, MRCOG, MS, who is the Director of the Program for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Associate Chair of Education at Yale University’s Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology & Reproductive Science, to find out what’s really going on here and what a woman hoping to concieve really needs to know.
Read more about pregnancy at Essence.com
Ciara’s expecting, Kerry Washington is showing, and even Amina Buddafly is thinking about giving motherhood a try. It’s most definitely baby season and we’ve got some good guesses on which celebrities will make an announcement next.
Gabby’s relationship with Dwayne Wade has hit a few potholes, but they’re engaged now and open to having kids so we think Dwayne Wade’s fourth baby will be in the making any day now.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
Here’s my convoluted mess of a life: About three years ago I moved to a new city. Six months later, I began seeing a person I worked with during my internship experience. He was a good guy. When we started, I was adamant that everything be kept casual. He really wanted a relationship, but I did not want to have drama at my new work place. He respected my request. I told him that it would just be between us and when he tried to push things further, I quickly, and a little rudely, rebuffed him. He eventually began dating someone else. Since I was the one who decided not to take things further, I understood. He dated this woman for several months. I was eventually promoted and moved to another division of the company.
In October 2012, he began calling again and he told me that things were over between him and the other woman. He and I still work for the same company at different locations, but I am in a leadership position now. Even though I still had reservations about dating him, we began a physical relationship. He came over in November depressed but could not (or would not) explain what was wrong. In December, someone that still works with him told me that the other woman he dated revealed that she was pregnant. I know him. I know he wants to be a good father and make things work with anyone who has his child. I asked him if she was pregnant and he told me “no.”
Fast forward to last week and I see a photo of the girl and the baby, who looks just like him. I asked him again and he finally admitted that he was the father. He asked me to forgive him for lying, but I feel betrayed. I cannot handle this, so I told him that it was over after a year and a half of dating seriously. He asked me how long I thought I would be mad about this. Umm, forever! Then he said that she is here (meaning the baby) now and that we can’t be mad anymore. The baby is four months old.
I know he did not cheat on me but he damn sure lied about his child. He didn’t want me to end things again, but I do not feel I can trust him. I love him truly but this is some Maury mess and we are too old for this foolishness.
I went to the doctor recently and found out that my blood pressure has gone way up and I’m a month pregnant. He used condoms every time; I really don’t know how this happened. I have decided not to tell him. He is going to have to see her and what if things kick up for them again. I couldn’t take him leaving again. I’m tired of the stress. Is it best we cut ties and I raise this baby by myself? Am I being fair? Does he deserve fairness?
Oh, everyone in this scenario is over 30.
What would you do if the man you cared about lied about having a child? Check out Dr. Sherry’s advice over on ESSENCE.com.
Last month many “Real Housewives of Atlanta” fans were shocked when Kenya Moore revealed her plans to become impregnated within a six-month period.
“I plan on having a baby next year,” the former pageant queen said. “Within the next six months, I hope to be pregnant.”
Though most would have assumed that Miss Moore planned on getting knocked up by her rich oil tycoon boyfriend, it turns out she plans on going the IVF route.
“I am going to do in vitro,” she continued. “I just have to figure out whose sp*rm to use!”
Well, it looks like Kenya is dead serious about this pregnant in 180 days thing. According to TMZ, this past Friday, the 42-year-old reality star underwent surgery to improve her chances of conceiving and carrying out a healthy, full-term pregnancy. Sources close to the situation say that Kenya had several fibroid tumors removed from her uterus. We also hear that she plans to star In vitro fertilization treatments as soon as she heals from her surgery. Kenya confirmed the surgery via Instagram.
“Thank you for all your well wishes and kind regards,” she posted to her Instagram page. “Letting my family and friends know I successfully underwent fibroid surgery as it was reported. Yes, I’m okay. No appetite yet. Excellent female doctors in Atlanta! #proudsisters #closertomydreams #Im not 43 yet!”
We wish you all the best, Kenya!
‘My Eggs Are Like The Thing Indiana Jones Finds In The Temple Of Doom:’ Gabrielle Union Talks Reproductive Concerns
Being Mary Jane actress Gabrielle Union has made it clear that she wants children. On several occasions, the 41-year-old beauty has expressed her desire to be mother; however, the timeline regarding when she plans to make it up seems to switch up every so often. As of this past July, Gabby says she’ll be ready to be a mom in a couple of years.
“I always knew I was going to wait really long, and I followed the Halle Berry example, and I think in the next couple of years, if I’m lucky, I will make that a reality, hopefully. I think with the career, the industry that we’re in, it’s not taboo to be an older mom. You’re not alone. There’s such a huge support to start a family a little bit older and it’s okay! My friends from home, they all started in their 20s and that’s awesome, too. There’s give and takes. I knew, for me, I wasn’t going to be the kind of parent I would want to be. I would be way too selfish and resent having to miss out on things. Now, I’m in a place where I’m happy and still wanting adventure, but I want part of that adventure to include a child.”
Unfortunately, the reality is that women are not physically capable of having children forever. Gabby addressed those concerns during a Google Hangout session with ESSENCE.
“I don’t know if by now its [having kids] a matter of ‘want,’”Gabby said.
She went on to say that at this point, she’ll be content with having one child, as she’s unsure if her body is capable of having more than one.
“My eggs are like the thing Indiana Jones finds in the Temple of Doom so I don’t know how many my body can physically have. I’d be happy with one if that’s what God blesses me with it,” she continued.
We can totally dig her positive outlook.
Though Tamar Braxton appears to be basking in the joys of motherhood now that her son Logan has arrived, the new mom is not ashamed to admit that pregnancy was not a pleasant experience for her. She recently shared with FLAUNT Magazine that the experience was so unpleasant that she doesn’t plan on having anymore children. Check out a few of her interview highlight below.
On expanding her family:
“Well, I’m not having any kids in the future.”
On being miserable during her pregnancy:
“God no [I'm not having more kids]. I hated being pregnant. I felt like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It’s beautiful and it’s great just like everyone says, but there’s another side to it. My back. My feet. My skin went absolutely nuts. I had the itchies the whole day. Imagine scratching all day and you can never get to the itch.”
On the side of pregnancy that isn’t openly discussed:
“Yes. People lie to you. I was one hundred percent open and honest on Tamar and Vince because I was upset. I didn’t instantly connect with my baby, and no one told me this was common. I was jealous because Vince and the baby connected instantly. It’s not that I didn’t love him; it’s not that I didn’t want to connect with him. I was upset because I didn’t instantly connect with him. I didn’t cry when I first saw him. I was confused. I was like, ‘What do I do now?’”
On love vs. passion:
“Passion is a lot like lust, except it’s real. Passion is real because the other person feels the same way about you. It’s not one-sided. When you argue, it’s passionate, because you want to get your point across but you also want the other person to understand you, so you can get back to the love. Nobody told me about that either. I had to learn that for myself.”
Turn the page for more photos from Tamar’s super cute photo shoot.
Is Ciara trying to hide another part of her “future?” Was that really corny? Okay, then let’s just get to the good stuff.
There’s a good chance that singer Ciara and hr fianceé, Future, are expecting a baby. Now, Ciara hasn’t done an interview in a while so no one has had the chance to ask her, but Future recently did an interview and when asked he said, “A rumor is just a rumor.” That vague of an answer definitely fueled the rumor mill even more.
The singer performed in Abu Dhabi on Friday and based on the pictures, she’s definitely looking a bit more “full” in her midsection. Her pharaoh head top was a great choice for a cover-up, but the way it tugged around her stomach has many wondering what’s going on. We’re used to Cici showing off that rocking body, wearing as little on top as possible so we can see her abs. Now, we know that sometimes, when you go out of the country, there are often certain rules that need to be respected and followed, so maybe it was inappropriate to dress like that for her performance.
But a couple of weeks ago, while performing in New York, Ciara wore another outfit that immediately set off alerts. She wore all black, but because her top was leather, it seemed to stick to her a little more…and outlined her stomach. She looked very round and according to people at the show, she kept touching her “belly.” There allegedly wasn’t much dropping it like it’s hot and a Ciara performance is not a Ciara performance without popping and dropping.
Of course, it could be a little love weight (some of us get real comfortable when we’re not out in those dating streets anymore). She’s very taken by Future and they might be ready to add another child into the mix (he already has two children with two other women, including a 10 month old). Either way, love – and maybe pregnancy – has given Ciara quite a glow we haven’t seen in a while from her.
We’ll see how long she makes us keep her on pregnancy watch. What do you think? Is there a baby on board?
By now we’re all aware that the Mowry sisters are totally obsessed with being moms. Both of the actresses and first-time moms have expressed a desire to get pregnant again.
“I am planning on having a second baby. My doula says the 10-month spot is the sweet spot because I’m having so much fun with my son. He sleeps through the night; he’s mobile, but not to the point where he’s breaking my back. That’s usually the time that people are like, ‘Okay, I’m ready for No. 2.’ That’s where I am right now,” Tamar said during an interview last month.
Tia also revealed just a few months after seeing Tamera with baby Aden, that she, too, wants to get pregnant again.
“It reminds me of all the cool things and amazing things that goes on in your mind when you’re pregnant. I would love to go through that again. I didn’t have such an amazing pregnancy experience as my sister did. I had a lot of nausea, but it’s an amazing feeling being pregnant. I would love to have another baby very soon, sooner than later,” the Instant Mom actress said.
Since both actresses seem to be striving towards a common goal, it’s only natural that a little sisterly rivalry would eventually creep in. Tia recently told People Magazine that she and Tamera are in a little bit of a competition to see who will get pregnant first.
“There’s always this inner competition with my sister and I: who’s going to have the second child first. It would be interesting if we end up getting pregnant together,” she joked.
It looks like Tamera may beat her sister to the finish line though, as Tia says that she definitely wants a second child, but not right now.
“I do want another child—and sooner than later—but just not right now,” she added.
I guess we’ll have to keep watching to see who wins this race.
I don’t recall a time when I ever got dressed or undressed under the covers. Maybe I got dressed in the dark, stumbling around searching for matching socks or something, but there was never any hiding. And, now, as a pregnant woman, I am proud to say this has not changed.
These days you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who isn’t self-conscious about some part of their body. And when you’re starting a new relationship and getting to know your partner, especially in the bedroom, it can be incredibly intimidating to expose your flaws. Whether it’s morning breath or cellulite, we’re all a little self-conscious in the beginning about something. But I look at it like this: my hips don’t lie. You see me, and when you do, you can make a pretty good guess as to what I got going on under my clothes. If you still want to lay down with me after that, then what am I hiding for?
Nowadays, you can ask a woman what she’d like to change about her body and she will give you a list – Botox this, collagen here, lipo there, tighten this, lift that. But as a woman who is very comfortable in her own skin, I want to give my body the respect it deserves and stop judging it so harshly – and I want all women to do the same thing. I define my body by my standards, not by what society says is okay. I love my body for what it is, rather than hate it for what it isn’t or never will be.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in being healthy and strong. I think we should take better care of ourselves, and I could always do better. But at six months pregnant, there is only so much I can do without straining myself, but I also find that I’m enjoying the new and amazing things that my body is doing now. I’m creating life while growing stronger every day. My body is my temple,and because I view it that way, it can be His temple too.
What I have found out over the years is that men tend to see in you what they love most. If you have a big backside – and he’s an “a$$ man” – chances are he’s not obsessing over the dimple you have there. Those heavy breasts you want lifted may make his mouth water if tig ole bitties are what he favors. In your eyes, he will detect the spirit you have chosen. Your smile and frown both speak volumes. He will see you how you see you; and if you have an issue with your body, so will he.
If I’m too busy worried about what he thinks of my body, how can we both enjoy it? You see me, it’s too late now. Clothes are off. We’re here! Turn on the lights and take a good look. My body is a playground – swing on my swing! While most women are especially self-conscious while pregnant, I feel the most beautiful. I’m not embarrassed by what anyone might see. I don’t cringe at the sight of my unclothed body. Oddly enough, I don’t like looking at myself in pictures, with clothes on.
But my brown, soft skin? I love it! My hands? I love getting manicures to show off my long, pretty fingers. My teeth are white and straight. I love the way my bubbly breasts bounce when I have on a good bra that shows off my ample cleavage. I’ve even grown to accept my curly eyebrows. Yes, I said curly eyebrows! Looking in the mirror, I see that it’s quite possible to love everything in its reflection. I look at myself directly, and rather than risk the pain of experiencing everything I am not, I savor the sweetness of who I am and how my body is changing.
The woman I saw in the mirror this morning was glowing! She was more than the sum of the color of her skin, the texture of her hair, and the shade of her knees and elbows. What I saw went deeper than a surface appreciation of beauty, a superficial measurement of self. What I saw was empowering. I didn’t just consider my exterior, but also my heart. I danced around to music playing in the background, with my swollen belly whirling around, joyous and happy. I sang to my voluptuous curves and they gave a standing ovation. There was no shame or negative inner visions. I was beautiful and whole and free. And this is how every woman should feel about herself.