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From YourTango

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don’t see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship we’ve always wanted. What we fail to realize is that the best person to consult about our beauty is ourselves.

When a person owns her innermost self — and is happy with who she is — she projects a beauty radiating with confidence. People naturally are drawn to those who make them feel good. Healthy sexuality and intimacy is about having the courage to love and be loved in return. Here are some ways in which people benefit from sex:

Having a healthy attitude about your sexuality promotes beauty from within. Experts say, “a sexually healthy person is someone who feels comfortable with his or her sexuality.” This means, a person doesn’t view s*x as something naughty, bad, improper or sinful and can engage in it without feeling guilty or anxious. When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside. Others want to be around you and have what you have.

Read more at YourTango.com

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“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” – Mahatma Gandhi

It’s easy to discount the things we say, as “just words.” The mistake starts in grade school when we’re taught that stick and stones break bones but words never hurt. Truth be told, words are not only reflections of the way we view the world, but studies show they also influence our emotions and actions.

Are you guilty of using words that sabotage your success? Check out these common phrases that invite negativity into our lives, and try to cut them out your vocabulary.

I have vowed to quit trash reality tv for months now. But after the big ghetto disaster seen ‘round the world that was Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, I meant it more than I ever had. I was so embarrassed for the cast and shaking my head at myself for not being able to turn away from the train wreck that happened on my television screen, every week like clockwork. It was a conversation piece. It was my small chance to play psychologist and try to determine what made these folks get up here on national television and act a plum fool. It was entertainment. And it was filling. Not filling in a “Girllll, that did my soul good!” type of way. Filling in a way that left me kinda sick, frustrated and disgusted. Weekly I was seeing beautiful, talented, broken, misunderstood, hurt women invite me and millions of other Americans into scripted portions of their lives to judge, suck our teeth in disdain, laugh uncontrollably, whatever – as long as we were watching.

I wasn’t learning anything from what I was seeing and I suppose that is the point of most reality television; to simply entertain with little to no educational or uplifting value. It’s just something to do. Something to see. But something clicked and I was no longer satisfied with simply “being entertained.” I can see how it may seem to be blown out of proportion but I have to tell you, once I started reining in my reality television intake, life started to carry a little more hope. I substituted Dr. Steve Perry saving our sons, T.I and Tiny raising their beautiful kids and Tia and Tamera navigating motherhood and Hollywood for those crazy, foul-mouthed mob wives and those catty, overbearing housewives. I started looking for substance and it has been one of the most rewarding investments of time I’ve ever made where entertainment is concerned. The positivity I was looking for was always here, I just had to break my gaze from the debauchery to head toward its light.

In being totally honest, I do catch an occasional episode of Basketball Wives LA  (Miss Jackie Christie is six separate shades of crazy and it blows my mind!) but trash reality tv doesn’t hold an ensconced place in my entertainment schedule anymore. I’m looking toward what uplifts, motivates, inspires and showcases folks who have or are walking the same path as me. To each her own. But I’ve given positivity a permanent home.

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change. Her blog: www.hersoulinc.com and Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly. 

Allyson Felix, Image: The Washington Post

The Olympics is one of the view institutions that celebrate feminine toughness as much as its masculine counterpart. The London Games are be no exception with women outnumbering men on the U.S. roster for the first time in history, and the debut of women’s boxing where the United States is represented in each of the three weight categories. Hopefully, the grit and toughness displayed by female Olympians will influence perceptions of women competing in areas outside athletics.

Making it to the top of any field is a daunting task that requires dedication, resiliency, and more than a little toughness. Here are six lessons from world-class athletes to help you overcome adversity on your climb up the corporate ladder.

1. Be Resilient.

“‘Falling in life is inevitable—staying down is optional.’”                                                                                                        -Carrie Johnson, two-time Olympic kayaker

It is easy to get caught up in the glory of the Olympic Games and forget all of the missteps and faulty starts that lead up to the defining moment of an athlete’s career. When you experience your own setbacks, never let staying down be an option. 

2. Tough it out.

“‘One word: ‘Fight.’ Anyone can do it when it feels good. When you’re hurting, that’s when it makes a difference, so you have to keep fighting.”
-Erin Cafaro, 2008 rowing Olympic gold medalist in women’s eight

The difference between being an amateur and an Olympian may just boil down to how much pain a person is willing to endure. Pain and discomfort weed out the candidates who just don’t want it bad enough. Your career trajectory won’t always be easy, but if you’re willing to put in the work even when it doesn’t feel good, you’re already beating out most of your competition.

3. Push yourself.

“‘If you think you’re done, you always have at least 40 percent more.”‘
-Lauren Crandall, captain of the 2012 U.S. Olympic field hockey team

“I ask myself, ‘Can you go any harder? Are you hurting enough? Are you going hard enough?’ I keep asking myself: ‘Can you go any harder?’”
-Kristin Armstrong, 2008 road cycling Olympic gold medalist in women’s time trial

What you think you can do and what you are truly capable of are vastly different from one another. We rarely tap into our  full potential. Olympians regularly test their limits and push their boundaries. Don’t let yourself get comfortable, even when you’re satisfied with your work. You can always go a little harder.

4. Stay positive.

“‘Everything is going to work out—there’s no other option.’”
-Kari Miller, 2008 Paralympic sitting volleyball silver medalist

The mind is a powerful tool and our way of thinking has a profound impact on our performance. If you’re feeding yourself thoughts of failure, you’re creating the perfect environment for self-fulfilling prophecy. Continually remind yourself that there is no other option than for you to succeed.

5. Have fun.

“‘If you’re not having fun, then what the hell are you doing?’ It reminds me to find the reason why I’m doing it and why I’m out there, which makes things more manageable when I’m stressed and fatigued.”
-Allison Jones, six-time Paralympian

When was the last time you heard an Olympian saying that they hated their sport? Part of the passion that comes with competing at such a high level is the sheer joy the athletes gain from the experience. If you are going to dedicate your life to a career or venture, make sure it is something that you love to do.

6. Compete.

“‘My competition isn’t resting!’”
-Kim Rhode, five-time Olympic shooter

There are benefits to focusing on your own lane, especially in the heat of competition. But, when you’re training for your big moment, don’t forget that there are other people vying for the same dream you are. If you’re not actively working at getting better at what you do, you are probably getting worse, and someone else is certainly surpassing you.

Cortney Cleveland is a freelance writer and content strategist in New York City. You can follow her on Twitter@CleveInTheCity and visit her personal column The Red Read.

The cast of "8 Days a Week." Skye is the second to the left.

What were you doing when you were 17?

Probably somewhere finishing up high school, working a crummy summer job and trying to stay out of trouble (or look for it). But if you’re Skye Townsend the daughter of Robert Townsend, famed actor, comedian and film director, you’re busy filming and starring in an awesome BET.com web series called “8 Days a Week.” But Skye didn’t use her dad’s name or contacts to get the role. Instead, she used Beyoncé.

Starting in 2009, Townsend, now 18 by the way, posted a video to YouTube of her dead-on impression of Queen (or King) B, playing out an epically hilarious rendition of the singer’s reaction to Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift at the VMAs. The video has amassed more than 955,000 views, spawned a second video (the hilarious post-VMA announcement of Beyoncé’s pregnancy done this year), and definitely got her name and her great sense of humor out there. “It’s been really fun to see how people react to it. It’s been great and opened so, so many doors. I know the writer of “8 Days a Week” had seen my videos and that’s how the ball started rolling. YouTube is definitely the world of opportunities if it’s used the right way. I just hope Beyoncé got a laugh out of it.”

In addition to her parodies of Beyoncé as well as recent ones of Nicki Minaj, Townsend also has an amazing voice, showing up on features for rappers like Casey Veggies and covering (and KILLING) songs like “Rolling in the Deep” and “I Hope She Cheats on You.” And now Townsend is starring in the BET web series “8 Days a Week,” based on the book The Come Up by Lyah Beth LeFlore. It is a show about a small group of ambitious 20-somethings trying to live out their dreams in Hollywood. And while most of the characters are aspiring musicians, artists, designers, managers and the like, which would be a great fit for Townsend because of her real life aspirations, instead, her character of Jade Taylor is anything but a starlet to be.

“Jade is actually studying to be a psychologist, and she’s striving to be a humanitarian. Her character is so dope because they allow her to be beautiful, intelligent, eloquent and classy. And that’s a great thing to be as a black woman shown on TV because of the current negative images. I think people will like Jade cause she’s fighting for the right things. I kind of like the challenge. I’m proud of the character, maybe she can learn to sing in season two!”

No matter how positive Jade is, there’s always some attention-grabbing drama on a show like this. But aside from the drama played out on screen during the four to five-minute episodes (short, right?), Townsend wants people to know that the show is a positive representation of young black people trying to do big things. “We’re trying to do something positive without being preachy and shoving statistics down your throat. I think people should stay tuned and they ‘ll find the show to be inspiring.” And if that doesn’t push you to check it out, you’ll be happy to know that her famous pops is a huge fan of the show and its direction.

“My dad is ecstatic. He’s always checking his Google Alerts and he’s like, “I got a Google Alert for the next episode!” He’s my number one supporter. I was always watching him and watching him learn his lines back in the day and now he’s like, “Wow, my daughter’s an actor.”

While the show currently airs, the bubbly Townsend is hoping to show off those awesome pipes she has and hopes to sing and collaborate with other young, positive artists. But her major hope right now is that you’ll tune into the web series, leave comments with your thoughts on the show, and help play a part in getting the uber-cute series on BET’s actual channel and lineup. “We’ve just had so much fun filming it and we’re all like a family. I love the show, and I think the cast is absolutely amazing. I’m excited that we got to start on the web but I’m hoping bigger things can come from it.”

Check out the premiere of the seventh episode at BET.com as well as here at Madame Noire at 7 p.m. EST. Until then, see the first six episodes below: 

Episode 1 – “The World is Mine”

Episode 2 – “Can’t Hold Me Down”

Episode 3 – “Touch the Sky”

Episode 4 – “On to the Next One”

Episode 5 – “Reality Check”

Episode 6 – “Don’t Call it a Comeback”

There’s a disease going around affecting millions of people each year. The symptoms may include dreading of Monday mornings and the over anticipation of Friday nights. More severely, these symptoms can also be accompanied by headaches, weight gain, or sometimes depression. While this disease has no specific medical term, most people who experience these symptoms usually share a a few common phrases, including, “I hate my job” or “my job makes me sick!”

While these can be considered exaggerations, the latter statement may hold some truth. In fact, according to Families and Work Institute, a nonprofit research company, the percentage of workers who claim they are in excellent health is steadily decreasing since the initial study in 2002.

Currently one in three workers has at least one symptom of clinical depression, 41 percent say they feel stressed often or very often, and one in five have trouble falling asleep. So besides the fact that you despise your long commute, would rather not speak to half of your co-workers, and are certain that you work with the boss from hell, could your job literally be the cause of some of your mental and physical illnesses? Possibly.

Still in an economy where quitting a job may leave you indefinitely unemployed, it’s important to find a work/life balance and pay careful attention to your health while in your current position. If your situation allows you to leave a job that is emotionally, physically, and mentally wearing you down, then it may be best to leave; but if you’re like most of the U.S population and need your job to sustain some level of financial comfort, consider these tips to assist you in finding a healthy balance.

Keep in mind, your health comes first. You can eventually leave your job, but transitioning out smoothly with another job offer may be the best option. Before you make a big career decision, consider the following advice:

Life is for living, not just existing. As our days are filled with various, mundane obligations, it’s easy to forget to enjoy life. As crazy as it seems many of us don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to laugh as much as we should and partake in the simple things we enjoy doing; but when it’s all said and done, do you want to have gone through life coasting along fulfilling all major obligations, but forgetting to simply breathe and enjoy life?

From our jobs, that give us a headache at the mere thought of them, to our less than meaningful relationships, some of us have allowed mediocrity to be the overall theme of our lives. Sure you may have to take a pay cut to do what you really want; but at least you will be happier and more fulfilled. And so what if your relationships are filled with a variety of associates; but when it comes to healthy relationships, quantity always takes precedence over quality.

As you reflect over how you want to live your life, consider these things daily to ensure that you are living and not just existing. After all, none of us were put on earth simply to take up space.

As previously discussed in “10 Taboo Statements You Should Never Tell Your Spouse,” communication is often the underlying reason why many marriages disintegrate.  Oftentimes, couples argue and verbally fight and say some of the most emotionally damaging and hurtful words to each other.  In lieu of engaging in such negative communication, it would prove extremely beneficial for married couples to continually speak positive, encouraging and empowering words.  This genuine communication is not only essential for a healthy marriage but also establishes a great example for children and those individuals in your surroundings.  Relationship experts and marriage counselors across the board can attest to the fact that healthy marriages require healthy language based in authentic love for each other.

The following list of positive statements is not an all-inclusive list, but these empowering phrases do represent some of the best that spouses can tell each other:

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Over the years, several individuals have somehow equated all of hip-hop to “thug music.”  Some commentators believe that hip-hop is limited to bling, expensive cars, lewd dancing, flamboyance, video vixens and profane music that simply add no value.  For a certain segment of this beautiful culture and music, this stereotypical notion is unequivocally true.  But, there are many positive hip-hop artists- though most are “underground”- who actually utilize their studio time to sow conscious and value-adding music to empower the global community.  All hip-hop music is not hardcore and “gangsta” in context.  Certain artists over the years have shown the “softer” side of hip-hop music that exhibits love and affection between couples or for a potential mate and that embodies very little or no profanity.

The following list of hip-hop ballads is not an all-inclusive list nor does it represent the top hip-hop ballads; but, these timeless songs do represent some of the best that hip-hop has offered its listeners over the years:

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