All Articles Tagged "polygamy"
It’s not breaking news that rapper The Game is a hot mess. I mean how much can you expect from a man who spits on women and throws them off the stage when they don’t show their tatas at a concert? Those are the very reasons I was so shocked to learn this man even had a girlfriend let alone a fianceé he was supposed to be marrying, but we all know how that went.
Regardless, The Game is getting ready to debut his new reality show, “Marrying The Game,” on VH1 and in an interview with The Breakfast Club he lightweight threw his relationship and the mother of his children, as he refers to her, all under the bus. Here’s are the highlights and why I initially thought Tiffney should be running for the hills, but then realized she’s just as ratchet as he is.
Was he and Tiffney’s wedding called off because of him cheating or because he’s always in rapper beef and fighting?
Infidelity. She doesn’t have problems with me doing what I do.
Should Polygamy be legalized?
I think that would be great. It would make it easier for women. The truth is every man cheats. Fat men, skinny men, basketball player, guy who can’t play. Nerds, smart men. It doesn’t matter.
Does he still cheat?
I’m not going to throw myself under the bus on this highly syndicated radio show, but every man cheats.
A woman is better off assuming exactly what I said. You’ll be better off that way.
How did Tiffney catch him cheating?
It wasn’t about getting caught, it’s just a woman’s intuition. Sometimes when you go missing for too long or too many hours, that window only opens so far. When a woman wakes up at 3 o’clock in the morning and calls your phone and you don’t answer she just knows.
If every man cheats, won’t that encourage women to do the same?
Then you know what’s going to happen. You’ll get called that word. (h*e)
Would you understand if a woman cheated on you?
I would never understand. You know the balance. It’s over with. That’s how it goes.
Is he nervous about showing his soft side on this new reality show?
No, I don’t really care. It’s not really that soft. On the reality show, I did everything right to the edge of getting us kicked off the air. I’m just doing what I do on everyday life. [Tiffney] wanted to be on a reality show. She’s a school teacher and she wanted extra money on top of what I give her which I thought was crazy but you know she dragged me down to the VH1 meetings and she was already seven meetings in when she lied to me and told me it was the first one. This had been going on for months.
Is he worried about Tiffney becoming a celebrity?
I told her I don’t know if she’s ready. She’s been hanging out with Evelyn and Shaunie. They went to a club called Graystone and they popped bottles and usually when she goes out it’s with me and I pull out the black card and we can go H.A.M. But they had to split it and it was like a $5,000 split between the three of them and when she came home she was in tears and was like I don’t want to go out anymore. This is my money.
Takeaway: These two are clearly a hot a** mess together.
Check out the video of The Game’s interview here. What do you think about him?
Our usual work banter grew silent. There was the pivotal moment of awkward silence, where every woman either had to choose her bohemian or standardized self. Your take on sex in the workplace was everything; anything you said might slight you forever.
I spoke first, neutrally of course, “He said…that…he’s what?”
The topic of the conversation, Diane, mouthed the words “Polyamorous.”
Some girls in the room wore their “WTF” faces, others raised an eyebrow in intrigue and I smiled. I’d heard this once before: It was circa 2005, in the warmth of a fireplace and the aura of good women. Someone was eager to learn why another’s baby’s father had been absent. The girl told us all that he practiced polyamory; the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved (via Wikipedia).
She replied with no hint of agitation, “He’s been with his other woman.”
Most of us at that time were convinced she’d lost her mind. The room was set ablaze with conversation that day, debates pummeling back and forth between vigorous and strong-minded women.
In present day, the room just fell quiet. The girls nodded their heads in understanding and through listening, I discovered that every one of them had been involved with a polyamorous brother…or sister.
1) Alicia said she was cool with it, while it was happening. She beamed at the recollection, “He told me on the third date that he had another girl. He said sometimes it might even be two, but he never went past three. At first I was mad, but then I realized that we were just having fun, right?” The last word of her sentence seemed to tremble, another notion lingering behind her faux confidence.
2) Kai said she was blown away by it. She said she’d never had a woman in all her bisexual life be upfront about “cheating” the way this man was. “…When I confronted him about the texts, he was calm! He told me that he was polyamorous and proud and that if I couldn’t accept his lifestyle, then we couldn’t be together. He said he was going to tell me when the time was right. Tuh!”
3) Diane seemed perplexed by it all. We’d been following her excursions with her new boo since inception. The two met in her neighborhood and went on one date. On the second outing, after a few bouts of wine and tango, they settled into good conversation. It was only then he’d bring up a girlfriend who was in the Peace Corps, who also had a girlfriend, and his diehard polyamory.
She asked us what we thought and I was quite confused myself. I had so many questions. Does polyamory lead to polygamy? Or will he just choose “the one” when it’s time for marriage or when the time is right? If there is a “the one” in the polyamorous world, why all the experimentation? What happens if one person doesn’t know about it? Is it cheating then? Isn’t polyamory just an open relationship? The expert Googler that I am (my ONE boyfriend calls me that) scoured the net for some answers, and here’s what I came up with.
a) Polyamorous relationships vary on boundaries, set rules, agreements, possessiveness and gender equality. They are all individualistic. Hmmmm.
b) Apparently, if only one side of the relationship becomes/is polyamorous and there is a child/property involved, it is usually hidden. Such a lifestyle can hinder custody/divorce cases.
c) I got this via Wikipedia: Children treat parents’ partners as a form of stepparent or are told to think of them as aunts and uncles. (Hmmmm. I know plenty of people who’ve experienced this in their childhood homes and it wasn’t polyamory. That was something different entirely.)
d) The difference between polyamory and polygamy is that polygamy involves multiple marriages with one man and polyamory is just intimacy/romance shared between multiple people, typically those who are unmarried.
e) Polyamory is unlike an open relationship, because most open relationships are based on sexual relations. In polyamory, you can have a full-fledged loving relationship with your significant other…one or all of the others.
I don’t think I need to elaborate, if you’d like to investigate further, by all means. However, my concern right now is the frequency of the mention of polyamory within my circle and many others. Is he really polyamorous or is this just a really exquisite way of cheating? Is this phenomenon the new “I-didn’t-know-we-were-claiming-one-another?” Because if it’s going to be, I need to know all the rules so I can give my girls the appropriate arsenal to call you out, if you’re BS’ing.
If this is what floats your boat, enjoy yourself. Personally, I don’t agree nor will I ever practice this. I’m all about monogamy: This everlasting bond between another soul and my own is filler enough. That and well…my writing.
How do you feel about polyamory?
“RivaFlowz” is a teacher and professional writer living in New York City. You can follow her on Twitter: @rivaflowz.
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While President Obama was solidifying his support of the LGBT community’s quest for equal rights including the right to marry, his opponent was raising eyebrows over allegations of aggressive behavior with a former gay classmate.
Mormon millionaire and Republican challenger Mitt Romney, has been accused of bullying a former classmate, who just so happened to be gay. The incident allegedly took place at the prestigious boarding Cranbrook School, where Romney attended high school.
According to the Washington Post, Romney, then a senior, spotted: “something he thought did not belong at a school where the boys wore ties and carried briefcases. John Lauber, a soft-spoken new student one year behind Romney, was perpetually teased for his nonconformity and presumed homosexuality. Now he was walking around the all-boys school with bleached-blond hair that draped over one eye, and Romney wasn’t having it. “He can’t look like that. That’s wrong. Just look at him!” an incensed Romney said.
A few days later, Romney allegedly lead a briefcase-carrying posse into Lauber’s room, tackled and pinned him to the ground and cut his hair with a pair of scissors as Lauber, cried and screamed for help. While originally thought as an isolated incident, another former (and anonymous) high-school classmate of Romney’s has stepped forward to claim that other fellow students have “really negative memories” of the Republican presidential candidate, and that his behavior during those years bordered on the lines of “Lord of the Flies.”
This has set off a firestorm of controversy in which many folks are questioning whether or not this story is an indication of the man Romney is today. And in an interview with Fox Radio, Romney laughed off the incident saying that he didn’t remember it happening and didn’t know the kid was gay. He did admit to participating in a lot of “hijinks and pranks” during his time at the boarding school. He also apologized, well he kind of apologized: “…and if anybody was hurt by that or offended by it, obviously I apologize.” Obviously.
Yet it was the ’60′s and a half-century later, we can all assume that he has grown beyond his formative years. I mean, he went on graduate college, recommitted himself to his Mormon faith, got married and raised a boatload of children. He also founded a successful business and ran a state. Lots of people are pretty horrible as teenagers. And surely a mistake we made when we were young – when we are still trying to decipher between what’s right and what’s wrong – should not have any bearing on what kind of person we are today.
Some friends, mostly women, and I have been having this on-going discussion about polygamy and whether or not we could see ourselves available to two or more spouses. The discussion spawned from the now-defunct HBO series “Big Love,” which we were fans of. Whenever there is news about polygamy, the discussion resurfaces among us. Recently, we heard the story of Zionnghaka Chana, 67, who lives together with his 39 wives and more than 120 children and grandchildren in some sort of tribal Christian cult in North Eastern India.
Of course that is an extreme example but the idea of two, three or four consenting adults coming together in perfect matrimony is not so foreign. Despite the natural impulse to curl your lips up in disgust, I have been stunned by the number of female friends, who have said that they are okay with the concept of sharing their husbands. From an analytical standpoint, it can make sense. So much lip service, and blog bandwidth, has been given to the black marriage crisis in the black community. We have all heard the statistics: 42 percent of American black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white American women. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34%, compared to 17% in the general population. African-American women are the least likely group to get married in the United States. And if we do wed a black man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States. Not to mention the higher incarceration rates for black males, which also play a role in the decrease in the availability of marriageable Black men.
So with those statistics threatening the future of the institution of marriage, could marrying in the plural be the answer to not only saving the black marriage but also stabilizing black families?
Polygamy and Polyandry, which is the pairing of one woman with several mates, has a long history in the world — a history I won’t bore you too much with. But I will say that although some say its Biblical, there has always been a much more important societal justification behind it, particularly the unequal ratio of males to females. While it is true that at birth, the number of each sex are pretty much equal (at birth, there are 101-104 males per 100 females), war and other factors leads to females outnumbering males. Historically, the uneven ratio led to polygamy as it became acceptable for men to take on another bride, usually sisters of the wife of a fallen brother, to ensure that these women were taken care of but more importantly, that the population within a tribe or ethnic group of people continued to grow. Of course, there are a few exceptions, like in the some parts of India, Africa and Amazon, where fraternal polyandry is used to keep the population in check (one woman with several husbands can’t make as many babies as the reverse).
According to researchers at Brigham Young University, an estimated 30,000 to 50,000 people live a polygamist lifestyle in the US. I actually believe that number to be too low. Folks may not like to admit it but there are women, some within our own families, who know that their husband has a whole other family on the side. The other woman, and her kids, are the ones that usually show up at the funeral and everyone, with exception of the “wife,” is wondering why “that strange lady’s son looks an awfully lot like Uncle Joe.” Uh-huh. What do you think the S.O.S Band meant when they sang, “I don’t care about those other girls, just be good to me?”
Growing up in Philly it was not uncommon to know someone who was a product of an Islamic polygamist relationship, in which the orthodox rules of Islam virtually allow a man to marry several women at one time. As a teen, I became infatuated by the concept and would probe them with all sorts of questions about how their alternative families worked and how their mothers dealt with being one of several wives. And while, I anticipated their mothers being those submissive types, who flinch every time their husbands said, “boo,” I was surprised to discover that many of these women were very well-rounded, educated and logical in their practice of polygamy. Some were stay at home mothers but the vast majority of these women had careers and lives of their own, outside of their unions. They didn’t view their sister wives as competitors but rather helpmates in their family. And more importantly, they took no crap from their husband.
While it is logical to believe that men are the ultimate beneficiaries of polygamy, the reality is that any man, who takes up more than one spouse has to be financially and emotionally stable enough to carry the load of responsibility. And with several wives outnumbering the male, each requiring their needs and desires to be fulfilled, I can imagine who really gets to call the shots in the relationships. But with anything, it is a matter of personal choice. And while I personally have considered the idea, I don’t think I could get past the sharing of a man in that context. Call me selfish, but “know thy self and to thine own self be true.” However if a woman, or a man for that matter, decides of free will to enter into multiple relationships – and is emotionally mature enough to handle it – well I believe more power to them. There is more than one way to be unified in matrimony. I’m just presenting an alternative view.
Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.
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