All Articles Tagged "pick up lines"
Men can get away with slightly more obvious come-ons than women can. It’s expected of them. We know not only the desperate ones do it, but all men give women some blatant lines sometimes. Women, however, (and unfortunate as it may be!) can come off as desperate if they don’t play their cards right with pick up lines. These lines walk that fine line between needy and aggressive, and come off sounding cute and confident.
Ladies, I already know that you know where I’m coming from with this one. You’re walking out of your apartment, thinking about all of the things you have to do today, when a man, a man you don’t know from Adam, instructs you to smile. *Sigh* There are so many things wrong with this lame azz pick up line. First, you don’t know me or what I may be going through in life right now. Second, a simple hello will do. And third, what real person, aside from a cartoon character, or a member of the Brady Bunch family walks around smiling all day long?!? As terrible as this pick up line is, it can catch you so off guard that your first instinct may be to do just what homeboy asked you to do in the first place. No! Don’t let stranger man win! Instead, hit him with one of the following responses, so he knows that the “smile” line is all the way played out.
If you’ve been a woman for more than a day or two, you know that men can be a bit reckless with their pick up lines. You know the cat calls and street hollers. We swung by Harlem’s notorious 125th street to ask the men over there what are their pickup lines and how successful they’ve been. See what they had to say.
With the growth of relationship experts and advice, it’s quite rare that you will find that the tips doled out are catering to the do’s-and-don’ts of men. Women are told what to expect, how to behave, what to say and when to say it in order to keep a man, but men are told very little if anything at all. And ladies, we know, relationships are work and call for the full participation of both parties. It is not only up to women to be the keepers of knowledge of what makes love and relationships work, while the men get to run around doing what ever tickles their fancy.
So, to help balance all of this information, I present to you seven things men should refrain from doing to keep the attention of the women they want in the “courting” phase. These are matters that women tend to discuss amongst themselves, but I think it best that we allow the men a chance to learn of these nasty habits in order to prevent any possible love mishaps.
In the ’80s Chris Kleinke and colleagues analyzed the effectiveness of 100 pick-up lines across a number of different settings, including bars, supermarkets, restaurants, laundromats, and beaches. They found three main categories of openers:
- Direct gambits , which are honest and get right to the point ( e.g., “I’m sort of shy, but I’d like to get to know you”)
- Innocuous gambits , which hide a person’s true intentions ( e.g., “What do you think of this band?”)
- Cute/flippant gambits , which involve humor, but often in a cheesy, canned way ( e.g., “Do you have any raisins? No? Well then, how about a date?”)*
Both men and women agreed that cute/flippant pick-up lines were the least attractive. Women, however, preferred innocuous lines and had a greater aversion to cute/flippant lines than men, while men had a greater preference for direct opening gambits than women. This basic pattern has been found over and over again in a variety of settings, including singles bars . What’s going on?
Trait perception plays a crucial role. We don’t have direct access to a person’s characteristics, so we infer underlying traits from overt behaviors. One study found that people perceive those who use innocuous lines as smarter and sexierthan those who use cute/flippant lines. Another study found that while women perceived men who use silly pick-up lines as more sociable, confident, and funny, they also perceived them as less trustworthy and intelligent. While all these traits are certainly valued in a mate, research shows that low trustworthiness and low intelligence are deal breakers for a long-term relationship , overriding other “luxuries,” such as humor and confidence.
Women are rightfully skeptical of cute/flippant pick-up lines: Research shows that those with a long-term mating strategy tend to use supportive and honest pick-up strategies, whereas those with a short-term strategy tend to use manipulation and dishonesty. I should note that when a woman is looking for a short-term fling, it may be an entirely different story: One study conducted on college students found that women were willing to have a short-term fling with men they were attracted to, regardless of the content of his pick-up lines! More stable individual differences also play a role, with extraverts and those with a general orientation toward “hook-ups” vs. long-term committed relationships being more receptive to humor and sexually charged pick-up lines.
While all these findings are informative, they don’t address moment-to-moment mental fluctuations. We’re not machines, with a steady supply of cognitive resources on command. Receptivity to pick-up lines involves cognitive processing, which requires thought. A certain amount of mental energy is required to follow the conversation and cut through the bullhonkey to figure out a person’s true intentions. But your mental state at any given moment is influenced by a number of factors, including how much stress you’ve experienced that day, or even just before the current conversation. If you’ve already been hit by a barrage of cute/flippant lines, your brain may feel a bit fatigued.
Cognitive fatigue matters. When your mind is taxed, it is much more difficult to process information and regulate your emotions, thoughts, and actions . Like a muscle, self-control is a limited resource; when fatigued, it’s hard to flex it. This has important implications for interpersonal relationships: People in monogamous relationships whose brains are tired spend more time looking at attractive potential mates , are more likely to accept a coffee date from an attractive person, report more interest in an attractive person who is not their partner , and are more likely to actually cheat . Actually, in that last study, cognitively fatigued individuals were more likely to actually have sex with their current partner during the experiment!
But how does this relate to receptivity to pick-up lines? Does a person’s mental state affect how a pick-up line is perceived? In a recent study Gary Lewandowski and colleagues gave 99 undergraduates a five-minute writing task in which they were asked to describe a recent trip. In the “ego-depletion” condition, students were told they couldn’t use the letters A or N anywhere in the story, whereas in the “non-depletion” condition, they weren’t given this cognitively taxing instruction. After the writing task, participants looked at a picture of an attractive opposite-sex person and rated how they would respond if the person approached them, using one of three categories of openers: direct, innocuous, or cute/flippant. What did they find?
Those whose brains were cognitively taxed were less receptive to cute/flippant openers compared with those in the non-depletion condition. In the context of cute/flippant pick-up lines, those in the depleted group were more likely to “ask the initiator to leave them alone” and “ignore the initiator.” In contrast, for innocuous gambits, the depleted students were less likely to ignore the person and ask the person to leave them alone. Receptivity to direct gambits was unaffected by being cognitively depleted. There were also gender effects consistent with the prior research I mentioned earlier. Men were more receptive to direct openers, and females were more receptive to innocuous openers. Also, women were least receptive to cute/flippant openers.
What explains these effects? The researchers argue that when it comes to cute/flippant openers, less mental effort is required to figure out the persons’ intentions. Mix that in with the fact that a depleted, frazzled individual may have less tolerance for obvious pick-up attempts, and you have an enhanced aversion to cheesy lines. When it comes to innocuous pick-up lines, however, the person’s intentions are much more ambiguous. This requires much more cognitive resources to decipher intent, sometimes too much. As the researchers note, it’s less socially awkward for the brain-depleted individual to continue the conversation until the person’s intentions become more obvious.
There are obvious implications here. Pick-up lines are uttered in bars and clubs all across the globe, to people who probably aren’t using their full cognitive resources. I think it’s fair to say that if you want to accurately perceive a person’s intentions, don’t go overboard with the alcohol or enter a pick-up-line-rich environment when you’ve had a cognitively taxing day. And what about the other side of the coin? Well, if you have difficulty chatting with people without using corny jokes riddled with blatant sexual intent, you may want to work on toning it down or work on being more witty and contextually appropriate* — or else you may just make an excellent pick-up line researcher!
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Man, our Facebook fans are a riot! You never dissappoint with your sassy and off-the-wall responses to our very direct questions. Once again, thank you for sharing all your personal narratives and your in-you-face opinions. This week’s question to our fans was “What’s the best comeback you had for a man who hit on you on the street?
You know who we’re talking about, the guys who have so much bravado that they don’t need to offer you a drink or even need an excuse to approach you while you’re walking past.Here’s what ya’ll had to say:
A man once said to me, “Hey Baby what’s your sign?”…I said, “No standing anytime” and kept it moving…lol.
“Do you think that’s how your daddy got your mother?”
I was walking with my sister and this guy actually says ”how yall ladies be?” My sis says ”we be literate” and bust out laughing. He just kept it moving.
Let’s face it. It has to be pretty tough being a guy when it comes to approaching a woman. I barely like calling a guy for the first time, even if he’s initially shown interest in me, so imagine approaching someone not knowing anything about them. This is the dilemma a man is faced with when he musters up enough courage to approach a woman in hopes of walking away with her number.
He has to consider, is she married or single? Does she even like men? Is she going to be rude and standoffish? I’m sure these are only some of the thoughts that run through a man’s mind before he goes in for the digits. So while I attempt to cut guys that approach me some slack and remain cordial despite a possible lack of interest, the fact still remains that most of them won’t get anything but a simple wave before I proceed to keep it moving.
So while I don’t always know the circumstances in which I will exchange numbers with a guy who approaches me, I do know the instances when I won’t. There are often times when I can simply say, ‘I’m not interested’ or ‘I have a man’ and the guy will immediately back off; then there are other times when I may shamefully give fake digits to get him to leave me alone.
Check out this list of seven things that a guy can do that result in either no number of fake digits.
By Sheena Bryant
As the seasons change and the weather becomes nicer, Iʼm trying to prepare myself for all of the foolishness that spring and summer will certainly bring. I donʼt know what it is about the sunshine, but it seems to give men a boost of confidence, assertiveness and outright audacity that doesn’t always exist in winter months. Is it me, or are the pick-up lines and tactics that men use to gain the attention of women far more exuberant and bold when itʼs hot!? And not only are men more creative, they are far more persistent when the sunʼs out. Iʼm from Chicago, and winter is no joke. No man wants to stand in the bitter cold for long trying to convince you to take his number, but that same man will follow you down the block until he wears you down when he can leave that coat in the closet.
The sun is shining stronger and longer these days and you should expect men (and ladies too) to be on the prowl. A simple walk down the street can be exhausting when youʼre a woman. Street harassment is real people! You WILL hear “Aye yo, shawty!” Miss lady. Sweetheart. Lil mama, and all of the other phrases and terms by which men choose to refer to women. Sometimes a quick no thank you will do when trying to dissuade eager suitors, but there are some men who are tenacious and donʼt seem to take no for an answer. If youʼre like I once was, you donʼt want to hurt anyoneʼs feelings so you try to find ways to nicely nudge men in the opposite direction. But let me just tell you, itʼs never a good idea to tell a man anything that you donʼt mean. If you arenʼt interested, say that and keep it moving. You may end up in undesirable situations otherwise.
I find that some men have a comeback for every variation of no thank you that exists: You: “I have a boyfriend.” Suitor: “What your man doesnʼt know wonʼt hurt him.” You: “Iʼm sorry, but itʼs not a good time.” Suitor: “Well take my number until the right time rolls around.” And this charade could go on forever. It came to me one day that what most men today donʼt want to deal with is an overly religious, holier-than-thou kind of girl. Most men think this girl keeps her goodies to herself and they promptly walk—sometimes run—in the opposite direction. So I had the grand idea to talk excessively about Jesus when hyper-persistent men who I was not interested in approached me. That is until I met a man who halted this foolish habit with one action.
He seemed like a nice guy, but I simply wasnʼt interested. He wanted to buy me dinner and whenever I tried to nicely decline, heʼd try to be more convincing. So I decided to pull out my fool-proof deterrent: “You know, hereʼs the thing. Itʼs all about Jesus these days for me. Iʼm really working on my relationship with God. I just want to be closer to Him. I love Jesus.” In my mind, Iʼm thinking 5,4,3,2…gone. But surprisingly, he was still standing there, and he hit me with the following: “Yeah, my relationship with God is important to me too.” What!? It was apparent that this one had come to the field to play and hardball was obviously his game of choice. When he continued to not take no for an answer, I foolishly decided to kick it up a notch. I told the gentleman that I wasn’t giving him my number but, if he came to my church, I would have dinner with him. I told him the name of the small church I attended at the time and casually told him that it was on the corner of such and such. I knew I wouldnʼt see him again.
Fast forward. Itʼs a lovely, ordinary Sunday morning. Iʼm at church, where I always am on Sundays, teaching Sunday School, what I always do on Sundays. I end my class with the tots, grab my things and head to the sanctuary. A girlfriend, who happened to witness my exchange with persistent gentleman number one, meets me at the door. “Your friendʼs here,” she says. When I ask her who she’s talking about, she say’s again, “Your friend.”
Thatʼs right. Mister Man had taken me at my word and not only would he attend Sunday service, but he for some reason came to Sunday School! And I assure you he was hungry and ready for dinner when it was all over.
Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell a man anything you donʼt mean just to get him to leave you alone. Honesty really is the best policy, but you have to be nice and honest at the same time. As the weather gets warmer and warmer and men become as persistent and brazen as the summer sun, find a better way than the younger version of myself, and politely decline every suitor you are not interested in.
I know I may be in the minority when it comes to finding oneself in this particular situation, but certainly youʼve said some things you regret as well to get a guy off your back. Are there any times when you should have said no thank you and walked away, but you said something that came back to bite you in the behind instead?
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by Khadija Allen
Ladies, we do our best to look Hot and glamorous no matter what hour of the day it is! As such, seduction becomes the first thought on the male’s psyche.
Picture this: Finding a sofa for laughs is a great start to a fun night out. Ten minutes later, a group of us are sitting in the VIP section with our favorite daiquiris in hand, talking, and relishing over the hip decor and music blaring in the background.