All Articles Tagged "physical attraction"
I was talking to one of my female clients in her early 40’s that has never been married. She told me that she tends to be attracted to men by mostly looks and finds that these relationships sizzle out and don’t move forward as she would hoped for. So how do you find true love that will last?
Yes, looks are important from the standpoint that you have to be attracted to your mate. Especially with women, attraction can grow as you get to know someone over time. However what most of us are looking for is someone who makes us feel special, exudes warmth and is someone we can trust.
Case in point – my husband wasn’t initially on my radar. He is a quieter guy and relates better one on one. I met him through a bicycling group in the DC area. I had to give him a chance to get to know him. As I spent more time with him, the more I liked him. I found out that we shared many values in common, had the same life goals and saw things on the same wavelength. He became more attractive to me over time.
On the other hand, with someone that I though was cute and definitely had my look, I noticed some personality clashes. I found out that he did not appreciate me for who I really am – a social person. He got mad at me when I talked to other people at a community pool that I have been a member of for many years. And yet he was off swimming laps when I was having this conversation! He became less attractive to me when he got jealous of me talking to my friends.
In recent years the 3 top ways that people meet their mates are:
1. Through friends and face to face interactions such as social gatherings.
2. Through school or work. Here you see people day in and day out. You get to know them on a deeper level and see how they operate with others over time.
3. Through online dating. This method expands your network and you don’t really get to see the person until after you have selected them from their profiles (Is it accurate?) emails back and forth and eventually have phone contact with you. So here, physical attractiveness is not able to be determined until you meet face to face.
Each way of meeting someone has a different mode of gathering information about someone to find out if they truly are a good life partner.
Read more on YourTango.com.
It takes two to tango in the bedroom. We often read about the mistakes that men or women make when it comes to sex, but in the end, a sexual relationship involves two people. When a relationship starts to slip or when things just don’t seem to be as exciting and fun as they once were, often times the problems lie between the sheets. Many relationships start off with an amazing and anxiety-filled bedroom life, and overtime things become dull and almost expected. Here are 14 most common bedroom mistakes that couples make.
Are you in a relationship with a great guy, but you’re just not feeling that spark? Are you thinking of ending things because you’re just not that physically attracted to him? And is physical attraction necessary to make a relationship work?
Counselor, therapist and YourTango Expert, Dr. Sheryl Paul says that your relationship is not doomed just because your partner is “not your type.” “The problem,” Paul says, “is that we live in a culture that values physical appearance above every other quality.”
Check out Dr. Paul’s advice for getting over this relationship hump on YourTango.com.
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Do we allow our feelings for someone to create a relationship that doesn’t exist, or do we allow our feelings to create a reality within a relationship that doesn’t exist? A relationship is defined as an emotional connection, association, or involvement between two people that have mutually decided to commit to each other based on feelings they have for each other. Feelings are an effective state of psychological consciousness in which joy, fear, hate, sorrow, love, etc. are experienced and expressed. They are also spontaneous efforts that are accompanied by physiological changes that drive a number of actions and reactions.
Most relationships begin with a feeling. They initially start with physical attraction accompanied with the desire to learn more about a person which leads to the desire to spend more time with them. After the initial physical attraction, people then move forward to the courting stage, getting to know someone on a more personal level, then being drawn to them mentally, emotionally and spiritually. After taking these steps, a couple may then mutually decide to have and develop a monogamous relationship based on more than the initial feelings they felt for each other. In today’s relationships, many couples skip the step of mutually deciding to have a relationship. They skip, or overlook this step because they are primarily focused on the way the other person makes them feel, and allow their feelings to cloud their common sense and better judgment. Instead of establishing and agreeing upon having a monogamous relationship, they settle for engaging in relationship-like activities without the commitment of a relationship.
Our feelings can often create relationships we think we want because the focus is on self-gratification, rather than building a relationship with a purpose and meeting the other person’s needs. When two people are involved with each other, and things are going well, at some point one person will have the desire to take the courting stage to the next level, but the other person may not. So rather than stepping away from the situation, they settle for less and continue to pretend to be involved in a committed relationship. This happens more often than not because of fear of being alone, the strong desire to be with a certain person, or a lack of self-confidence within.
When reality sets in to the fact that they are not in a relationship, the same feelings that led the desires for a relationship are now crushed. Learning to mask your feelings for someone is a difficult thing to do, especially after spending quality time with them and getting to know them on a personal and/or intimate level. However, what people must do is set and maintain standards and boundaries for their relationships together from the start to avoid confusion. Even if you are starting as friends, both parties must be clear on the expectations of each other and the relationship.
One of the most common mistakes often made is the conscious or subconscious decision to be sexually intimate with someone you are not in a relationship with. This is a mistake because when you are sexually intimate with someone you give them a part of you and you take a part of them which can bring you closer which makes the relationship more personal and deeper feelings begin to develop. That’s why it is important to set boundaries for the relationship that you both agree on to avoid getting trapped in the reality of a relationship that does not exist. Doing this will spare feelings, avoid confusion and potential drama. When making the decision to become involved with someone, you must be mindful of your intentions and honestly discuss the expectations of both parties. It takes two people to initiate, develop and maintain any type of relationship, and both people must be willing to commit and carry the load.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
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You swore to yourself that last time, would be the last time.
He’s no good for you. You’re no good for him. Being intimate only leads to confusion and unhealthy feelings. So why, once again, are you in his arms?