Shutterstock

From YourTango

There are over two million marriages in the United States and if you are considering joining that number, be sure you know what you’re getting into.  Before you pop the question to your beautiful bride (or groom) to be, you may consider all the things that make you smile – great sex, same taste in food, spontaneous personality – but  you also need to look further down the road.  Here are 3 questions to ask before you ask the biggest question of your life:

Are we having kids, and if so, when?  Believe it or not, the decisions of whether and when to have children can be deal breakers.  So while you may not think it’s a big deal to wait another ten years to have a child, your future spouse may have other plans in mind.  Don’t allow yourself to be in the kind of marriage where your spouse’s gynecologist knows more about her plans to have children then you do.  Raise this conversation before you get married in order to make sure you are on the same page and avoid future disagreements.

Read more at YourTango.com

Source: Shutterstock

From YourTango

How often did you hear some variation of this when you were growing up? I heard it all the time. And what I learned to do was to desperately defend and explain in fruitless attempts to get my mom or dad to stop judging me and SEE me. Or I would apologize and become the “good girl,” so they would approve of me.

Of course, defending and explaining didn’t work. But that didn’t stop me from trying because I just didn’t know what else to do — other than completely give myself up, which is what I eventually learned to do.

When I got married, I continued in the same pattern — first trying to explain and defend and then giving myself up. The result was, of course, no better than it was with my parents. Again, I had no idea what else to do.

Of course, defending and explaining didn’t work. But that didn’t stop me from trying because I just didn’t know what else to do — other than completely give myself up, which is what I eventually learned to do.

What Else To Do

It took many years, but I finally accepted that defending and explaining only leads to more and more conflict, since the other person feels controlled and goes into resistance. For a long time I didn’t want to see that defending and explaining were forms of control. After all, I just wanted them to see my point of view. What’s controlling about that? I convinced myself that if only they understood me, then they would change.

Now I know that using defending and explaining as viable forms of control is a complete myth. Not only does it not work to convince anyone to see things my way, but it always exacerbates the conflict.

Read more YourTango.com

Egypt Sherrod, host of “Property Virgins,” broadcaster, and philanthropist

Egypt Sherrod’s voice has become a staple in urban radio. The award-winning broadcaster has hosted shows in top media markets like New York’s 105.1, 100.3 The Beat in Philadelphia, 92Q in Baltimore, and now V103 in Atlanta, in addition to serving as a pop culture pundit on television shows like Access Hollywood. But, you may be surprised to discover her empire includes a successful career in real estate and a charity helping families in her new hometown.

Despite her success in New York City, Egypt felt a pull to relocate from the bustling metropolis to a city with a style all it’s own, Atlanta. The move allowed her to grow her brand to reflect her many passions in life. In addition to taking over hosting duties for HGTV’s Property Virgins, she launched her charity, Egypt Cares Family Foundation.

I caught up with Egypt to discuss how she is navigating the changes in her life, and the variety of ways she promotes her special brand of female and financial empowerment.

MadameNoire: You recently relocated to Atlanta. How did the move impact your career?

Egypt: The move to Atlanta marked the opening of a new chapter in my career. My 12 years on New York radio and television were great for me but I felt like I needed to GO so I could continue to GROW. Atlanta is a different city with a pulse of its own and I was just ready to see new people, places and things. So, currently I’m on V103 in Atlanta & filming season 10 of Property Virgins here.

Madame Noire: How did the opportunity to do Property Virgins come about? How does it complement your brand?

Egypt Sherrod: I’ve always been an HGTV fanatic. As a licensed real estate agent and someone who genuinely has a passion for the industry, I was truly drawn to watching Property Virgins even with its former host. So imagine my surprise when a casting director contacted me because he remembered me from a previous audition and thought that with my real estate expertise I would be a perfect match as the new host of Property Virgins.

MN: When did you become a licensed realtor? What made you want to get involved in that industry?

ES: I’ve been licensed for about eight years. I started out as a real estate investor in my 20′s flipping properties for profit. Then I got wise to the game and figured out if I could become a licensed agent I could keep that commission in my pocket. I got bit by the real estate bug in the process.

MN: Are you an active realtor? How do you juggle running your own business in the midst of everything else you have going on?

ES: Yes my license is active, and my real estate business partner and I still do a number of deals annually. In addition to being involved in residential transactions as part of a successful real estate team doing direct deals, because I speak to millions of viewers nationwide each week by way of my show, we also refer out quite a bit of business to a network of agents across the country. There aren’t enough hours in a day, but by having a great partner and an awesome support staff, we make it work!

For some people the definition of success is attaining a lot of material things. For others it’s fame or fortune. For me, success means being fulfilled and leading a balanced life. I feel that I have truly been blessed in all areas of my life and the only true thing to do is to give back. I compare it to tithing, but I’m tithing of my time, spirit and knowledge.

It’s no secret that love is a powerful force. It causes us to do and say things we’d never expect of ourselves. And though we live in a society that is hyper concerned with the way people look, love has the power to make you overlook physical imperfections and see a person for who they are inside. With that in mind, we asked our Facebook followers if they’ve ever fallen in love with a man they initially found unattractive and whether or not they thought they were capable of doing so. See what they had to say. 

Nyah: not that he wasn’t attractive but that his looks didn’t pull me before his personality….

and he isn’t bad looking it’s just he isn’t some pretty boy

Dana: it depends on how unattractive i think he is to start with. but the more time you spend with someone the better they start to look to you.

Annette: Yes, and have. He was exceptionally smart, funny and that’s a turn-on for me.

Denise: Yes, he was sooo unattractive, dressed nice though. And he really though he was the ish. I think it turned me on too bcuz he was a basketball referee and a smart man overall. But ooooh he was ugly!!

Monique: I have. He was very slim. I used to tease him and draw stick figures and say it was him. After talking with him, loved his humor and overall personality. We dated for 5 years. My “type” of men was broadened by dating him.

Laurie: absolutely! he was and still is a wonderful, hard working, generous, caring man.

Katherine Christine/WENN

Well, it was good while it lasted. I guess. Maybe.

The NY Daily News is reporting that radio personality Tom Joyner and his wife, fitness guru and ESPN correspondent Donna Richardson, are no longer together.  A source has told them that Joyner and Richardson split up weeks ago in a “mutual but not exactly amicable” decision.  They’ve been married for 12 years.

The source also added that there were “outside parties” involved which lends to this divorce.  One can only assume that “outside parties” are another man or woman, suggesting that there was infidelity. This could get ugly, folks.

Unfortunately, I’m not able to hear the Tom Joyner Morning Show where I live anymore but I’d heard that he hadn’t been mentioning Donna’s name on the show as often as he used to. At one point, Tom would add a “You know, Donna and I…” to just about every sentence.  They’ve always come across as a really good couple so it is unfortunate to hear that it has come down to this.

The couple have no children and neither Tom’s nor Donna’s reps returned calls or emails from the Daily News.

Did you think they’d make it or were you one of the people who didn’t really see how the two of them got together in the first place?

Source: Shutterstock.com

I can’t stand a dumb man. Period.

For me there is something extremely hot about a man who is a thinker, politically astute, reads frequently and could articulate a thoughtful, well reasoned point. I put smarts up there with sense of humor, which is pretty damn high on my mental list of must-have attributes in a potential partner. There is nothing more in life I dream of than having witty stimulating adventures with the opposite sex.

Like many women, who value intelligence in a man, I used to think that the only way a man could measure up intellectually is if he had a college degree. In theory, it makes sense considering that the best way to rise socially and/or economically in society is for a person to pursue and complete his or her post secondary education.  And in practice it made even more sense considering how many men, I had come across in the dating world, who would proudly proclaim their disdain for anything remotely intellectual.  “Books are long and boring. Only thing I read is the sport section of the newspaper,” I had one particular suitor tell me.  His name was Darrell*, a 25 year old telemarketer, who felt that reading was for dummies. Any attempts at intellectual conversations with Darrell about philosophical topics like art or literature were usually met with blank stares and the verbal equivalent of “uh-duh.”  He had a pretty face though and a wicked sense of humor. So in an effort to salvage this dude, I decided to try to introduce my friend to some culture by way of a one-woman play that a friend of mine had starred, written and directed. But not only did this fool fall asleep during the performance, he had the audacity to snore so loud that people turned around and hushed us. That was it. Men, in general, may value things like mutual attraction and love; dependable character and emotional stability over how well versed a woman may be, but me, I’ll take the New York Times.

And then I met Shawn*. He was tall, dark skinned, college educated and had a brain worthy of MENSA. He walked around with a leather satchel filled with books, highlighters and a laptop, which if the inspiration hit him, would become his vessel to express his creativity. Shawn’s main love was poetry – slam poetry to be exact. He was passionate about word play, which made him always down for a good conversation. We would meet daily at a local coffee shop, pondering over life’s mysteries and musing over the collective works of August Wilson. He was cultured, creative and full of opinions. Always.

One night, we were on our way to our favorite after poetry slam spot – the 24 hour diner that serves breakfast food all day – when Shawn decided to rehash a debate we had had several times over the course of a month; does God really exist?  This time the debate was a variation of sorts over free will versus God’s will. “It just doesn’t make any sense. You can’t have free will and destiny. People who believe that are just as stupid as people who believe in God.”

My general feelings about the whole God stuff is that it is possible that he/she/it exists. However as far as religion goes, I think that people just make stuff up to fulfill whatever political and social agenda they are seeking at the time. As such, my own made up theory was that we are free to choose our paths in life and every cause has a consequence – good or bad – and that is where destiny, or God’s will as some may refer to it, comes into play. But Shawn wasn’t hearing it. “But that doesn’t make sense. Free will and destiny can’t exist at the same time. That’s a mathematical improbability. That’s the problem with people, who believe in a God and blah, blah, blah…” He spent 30 minutes attempting to debunk my belief and another 45 minutes, getting agitated because he couldn’t shake my beliefs. “…therefore it is inconceivable that free will and God’s will can exist in the same place.  And you are wrong. WRONG,” he said as he slammed his fist down on the table. “What do you have to say about that? I’ll take your silence to mean that you know I’m right?”  And I was like, “dude seriously, I just want to eat pancakes in peace.”

The thing about really smart guys is that more often than not, they are used to being the smartest person in the room, which also means that they are used to being right all the time. This makes them both endlessly enthralling and even more wearisome because at times, they will place their reverence for ideas and hardcore logic ahead of his concerns for you and your feelings. And Shawn was so blinded by his desire to be proven right that he failed to see that me and our pancakes were getting cold.  Needless to say my love affair with the smart intellectual ended.

That’s not to say that a man can’t woo me with a critical analysis of themes within Ralph Ellison’s “Invisible Man”  but I no longer need to be able to vet  every thought he has in order for me to appreciate him as a person.  I guess my point is that the world is vast with knowledge and there are different ways to measure intelligence in a man. He doesn’t have to be a degreed professional, because let’s be honest, some of the most ignorant people hold high degrees. But he does have to be perceptive and intuitive. Truth of the matter was that despite his snoring, Darrell wasn’t that bad.  He was actually pretty good at mechanics and kept my older model Toyota Camry in excellent running condition.  And in fact, he did have a point: my friend’s play was nonsensical and dreadfully boring.

Image: iStockphoto

It’s a tough economy, so everyone who has a job is trying to hold on to it. (At least until they can find something better.) Business Insider has outlined “three types of people you should fire right away” and at the top of the list is, naturally, the person who doesn’t give a hoot about the job. That’s a no-brainer.

Number two is what the writer calls “all effort, no results.” This is an unfortunate situation. “They are totally sincere, but incapable (or no longer capable) of doing the job that needs to get done,” says Business Insider.

Alternatively, when someone is trying but failing, there could be something else going on that has nothing to do with the employee. For instance, if you’re in sales where hard numbers are all that matter, poor results could be the result of a territory or business category that isn’t a good fit for the company. If you’re selling coats and your territory is Southern California, you’ve been set up for failure. In that case, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open with managers and executives. When you sense that things are going south, share ideas for turning things around. In that case, you may even have the opportunity to create a new and enjoyable opportunity for yourself.

The final type is the “poor fit.” This is the person whose style or manner of working isn’t in keeping with the way the business operates. Most people, sensing that they’re in the wrong environment, will usually seek out a new job rather than wait around to get fired. If you’re in a job where you get the feeling everyone knows what time it is and you’re consistently an hour late, it’s likely a cultural problem. And this is not to be taken lightly. We spend 40-plus hours with our colleagues each week. No one wants to be around someone they don’t get along with, can’t work with, or seems awkward and out of place. It’s important to go with your gut and get out while the gettings good if necessary.

Another person that we would add to the list of those who will get the heave-ho: the person with the attitude problem. This person comes to work with an attitude, grumbles while they eat their lunch, and then mumbles a harsh “good-bye” on their way out the door in the evening. All of this for seemingly no reason. Again, no one wants to work with someone they don’t like. Moreover, if a person isn’t happy, the company is of the mind that that person isn’t really doing their best. You don’t have to walk around with a silly grin on your face, but you can’t be perpetually angry either.

And finally, there’s the person who has memorized their job description and follows it to the letter. This person won’t do anything that isn’t outlined on the HR document they signed the day they accepted their position. If they do, it’s only after a long and difficult conversation in which they’ve been told that no one else is available to take care of this task.

The problem with this attitude, especially now, is that companies are working with smaller staffs. Positions are being eliminated, severe cuts are being made. It’s a given that workers are being called upon to do more because there are fewer hands. In the end, these added tasks are the things you add to the list you bring in to your manager when you’re ready to ask for a promotion or a raise. If it’s gets out of hand and you feel you’re being taken advantage of, start sending out your resume.

What other type of worker would you add to this list?

Source: lisadreissig.com

Okay, so this isn’t urgent news or something of incredible importance, but it sure is interesting enough to share!

A recent study done by the University of Kansas and Wellesley College found that among college students, subjects used in the study could correctly guess a person’s age, gender and income by looking at their shoes. Published in the Journal of Research in Personality, surprisingly, they found that people could also assess a person’s level of attachment anxiety based on their shoe game. They could tell if you were clingy or cool when it comes to how you deal with people and how you conduct yourself in a relationship.

According to TIME, researchers asked 63 University of Kansas students to look at around 208 photos of students wearing the shoes that they prefer to rock the most. Those who participated were asked to rate these individuals on their personality, attachment style, political views, demographic and more based on their kicks. After doing best at guessing the shoe-wearer’s age, sex and income (damn, who knew you could get all that from shoes!?), they did very well at guessing the attachment styles of these people personality-wise. It seems that those who are anxious rock well-kept shoes. Why? According to one of the authors of the study, it’s because they want to keep up a good appearance because they’re worried about how others will see them. Dang.

When you think about it…it low-key makes sense.

They also found that ankle boot wearing people (remember, the photos were of people in shoes they felt they wore most) had more aggressive personalities, uncomfortable or messy shoes belonged to calm personalities, while functional and tame shoes went hand-in-hand with agreeable folks (aka, likeable, pleasant people). But that was the gist of what these students could find. They couldn’t go too in depth about a person’s life as researchers did try to ask them if they could pick political affiliation, introvert vs. extrovert and more through shoes, but that was done to no avail. However, authors were able to come up with the following conclusions: the shoes you wear can often make people assume a thing or two about how you are, and who you are.

“Shoes convey a thin but useful slice of information about their wearers. Shoes serve a practical purpose, and also serve as nonverbal cues with symbolic messages. People tend to pay attention to the shoes they and others wear.”

More on Madame Noire!

• True Life: I REFUSE to Do That in the Bedroom
• He Wrote That? Part II: More Surprising Songwriters Behind Some of Your Favorite Jams
• Strength, Great Skin and 5 Other Black Girl Privileges
• Looking For Trouble: The Day I Hurt Myself By Snooping on My Man…
• My Story: For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Suicide When the Law Couldn’t Protect Them From Incest
• Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: What’s With All the Diva Dudes?
• Noire Naturals, Episode 1: The Natural Twist Out

In life, there are just certain people you don’t like. They just rub you the wrong way. There are a lot of those folks in Hollywood. Every little thing that they do seems to annoy John Q. Public to no end. These 7 stars seem to have a permanent residence on someone’s ish list. Why is that?

anythinghiphop.com

Chris Brown

Ever since Chris Brown assaulted Rihanna, he’s become public enemy number one for a slew of people. The media and fellow celebrities have gone in on him for winning Grammy’s, lip synching, Twitter feuds and not really having a single eff to give about not being Mr. Congeniality. Although Rihanna has clearly forgiven and forgotten, for some reason, the public thinks they have reason to hold on to their grudge. Chris will never again be the cute boy next door. Too many people want him out of the neighborhood.

Celebrities are a rare breed of creatures. They’re human just like the rest of the mortals on planet earth, but they’re not really allowed to be. The public won’t let them. The famous are held to a different standard and when they fall from glory and become infamous for their behavior, it’s hard to ever look at them the same way again. But if they put out an amazing album or have a good day on the golf course, can you ignore all that? Check out these seven celebrities and let us know if you can really separate the artist and their life from their craft.

http://popbytes.com

Chris Brown

There used to be a time when Breezy was the anointed successor of Usher and Michael Jackson. He had the talent, skill and had superstar Rihanna on his arm. And then that fateful night in 2009 happened when he assaulted her. Even though Chris launched a successful comeback with chart topping singles, there’s a permanent bruise to his career.  He returned to the Grammy’s this past year, performing twice and winning an award, but for the press and Miranda Lambert, it was still too soon to let him get all that shine.