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Women are understanding and accommodating by nature. We evolved to be that way, as caretakers of the children. But sometimes, we get confused about our roles, and we let our men behave like children, therein cheating ourselves of someone who really fulfills the word “partner.” Here are 14 behaviors women let men get away with far too much!

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For two years women have made up the majority of the country’s workforce. Women also hold most managerial positions. Chaka Khan’s girl power lyrics may be in need of an update. We are every woman (and man); it’s all in us. But where does all this empowerment leave our men? What happens to relationships when men are underperforming women in the prized role of breadwinner?

We’re not talking about deadbeat dads, or lazy mama’s boys who refuse to get a job (we don’t want them anyway). We’re talking about good men who are trying their best, but can’t catch a break in this economy. In 2012, men’s workforce participation rate – working age men who are either working or looking for work – fell to its lowest point on record (since 1948).

The Value of Work In Relationships

Relationship consultant and author Robert E. Hall writes for The Huffington Post:

Relationships are often the first major casualty for the unemployed or even the underemployed. We underestimate the value of work when we view it just in economic terms. Work is much more than the value customers receive or the pay workers collect for producing products and services…Work contributes to essential relationships that yield crucial psychic income. And as the structure of work changes, so do our relationships and our society.

While women’s place in society has progressed, many hold on to traditional views of men and relationships. Picking up the check is liberating at first, but the privilege wears off after a couple of months. Coming home from work to find your man sitting on the couch can elicit resentful feelings, regardless of how many jobs he applied for while you were out. We demand that men change how they view us, but women also need to change how they view men including the value his paycheck adds to his worth.

Beyonce Was Right…

Kathryn Edin, a sociologist who spent five years talking with low-income mothers in Philadelphia, believes the family dynamics of low-income neighborhoods ruled by matriarchies will spread to the whole country. Men, unable to provide steady income or meet women’s expectations, are at risk of becoming obsolete in the lives of women who make all the decisions for their family.

The future of business with its emphasis on relationships and transformative coaching managerial style seems geared toward women. In 2010, for every two men who got a college degree, three women did the same.

Men who are having trouble finding employment, or an income that matches their partner’s are a symptom of a quickly approaching future. It’s a relationship dynamic women will need to learn to deal with as well. Couples counselors, as well as couples who have successfully weathered unemployment, offer these tips:

Keep an open mind. Your partner securing a 9-to-5 position with a salary that matches your own may not be the answer to your relationship woes, or even feasible for your partner. Encourage (and celebrate) them finding temporary and alternative sources of employment, or looking for a position in another area.

Know where you stand financially and adjust your lifestyle accordingly. Once your partner is out of work, there’s no use in wishing for that two-income relationship life or pressuring your significant other to keep up with that lifestyle. Deal with reality. Identify what expenses can be cut and make boosting your savings and paying off debt a priority.

Communicate, but don’t interrogate. Talking is the best way to deal with any issue in your relationship. Be cognizant of the right time and type of communication your partner prefers. Instead of forcing your mate to give a daily recount of every job they apply to, set aside regular meetings where your partner can share their progress and you can brainstorm ideas together.

Don’t forget to have fun and count your blessings. Put the focus on what is right in your relationship. Keep the romance alive with low and no-cost date nights. Boost your partner’s morale by reminding them what their strengths and accomplishments are. Research shows a spouse’s attitude towards job hunting strongly influences the mental state of the unemployed mate.

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C. Cleveland covers professional development topics and entrepreneurial rebels who blaze their own career paths. She explores these stories and more on The Red Read, Twitter (@CleveInTheCity) and Facebook (/MyReadIsRed).

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From Essence

Altruism is the unselfish concern for the wellbeing of others, and it’s something that we should all aspire to practice. We do volunteer work with an altruistic mind and we give to charities, in theory, for altruistic purposes. True, altruism requires some form of self-sacrifice. However, if that self-sacrifice interferes with your own wellbeing then you should reevaluate. The same is true in relationships, especially if you’re giving way too much. If this is happening, you might need to take a step back.

My sister-friend asked me to go shopping with her, which is something I normally do not like to do. However, she wanted to pick up some things for her boyfriend and wanted me to help her pick them out. As our day went on, I realized that we were running his errands, and I began to get irritated. I was down for helping her buy him a gift or if she just wanted to do something special for her man, but when it became apparent that she was acting as his assistant, and not his girlfriend, I was over it. (We even bought him a razor and toothpaste!) And, she was using her own money. The final straw came when it was time for lunch and she said she couldn’t afford the restaurant I suggested.

Read more on Essence.com.

Source: fashions69.com

Kim Kardashian should not expect double dating with Jay and Bey any time soon. With her high profile new beau, Kim K. might be expecting a little too much from dating and “parlaying” with Kanye West, including hoping to get a bit closer to Queen Bey.

According to Hello Beautiful and multiple sources, allegedly:

Kim had visions of her and Beyonce hanging out while Jay and Kanye talked music and business, but it’s not going to happen. Bey’s marriage to Jay-Z was extremely private, and neither of them confirmed it until long after the event. Kim, on the other hand, turned her wedding into a media circus, and the whole thing was filmed for a reality show. Bey thought that it was really tacky and is not a fan of reality TV, either. Bey is used to hanging out with Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow—she’s in a totally different league to Kim.

Multiple sources, like The Urban Daily, have also reported that Kris Jenner allegedly has a STRONG (if not thirsty) interest in having Beyoncé and Jay-Z on the upcoming season of the family’s reality show, “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”

This comes as no surprise, as celebrity couples date in the eye of the public and some like to flaunt their notable connections to other stars to gain press, views, money and more. In the case of Kim and Kanye, their ever-evolving union is suspect as they were allegedly only “friends” for years just a minute ago. But since the break-up of Kanye and former arm candy, Amber Rose, the model put a spotlight on the two. Kim was accused of being a ‘homewrecker’ by the model, allegedly getting in between their relationship and eventually causing it to fail. So who knows, this could be Kim and Kanye’s way of milking that unexpected controversy to get attention, or, they really could be serious about one another…*Kanye shrug*

But due to her fan base, fame and sometimes the very personal slander against her and her family, Beyoncé is known as a very private celebrity, and her alleged reservations about being associated with Kim seem to be justified by Kim’s very public life. So to say that Kim shouldn’t expect to be Beyoncé’s BFF by dating Kanye is probably right. And if Bey and Jay do decide to double date with these two, let’s just say that that will definitely be a sad day in Hollywood.

Away from the public eye, dating and forming a relationship with someone is less of a spectacle, but questionable intentions are sometimes still there. Whether your new beau happens to be a notable partner at the law firm, player at your job or in your field, or a respected member of your church, have you evaluated your “true” intentions for dating them? Could you be dating someone for their status and the connections they have, or vice versa?

Although it might not be as noticeable, it should still be evaluated the same. Yes, a relationship is a give and take partnership, but make sure the intentions of both parties are pure, not professionally or personally beneficial. Nobody likes feeling or being used.

Are you benefiting from your partner, or is your partner benefiting from you in the wrong ways? Here are three problems with that type of relationship:

1. It leaves room for speculation and criticism

None of us like to be criticized for our relationship status or the reasons behind it, but a relationship based on convenience will always be questioned, whether the intentions are pure or not. And as if your parents or friends needed another reason to be nosey about your relationships.

2. What’s really keeping that person around?

While you would probably like to think that your man is with you because you’re just that amazing, if you’re being used, once what he’s trying to get from you is gone or withheld (money, contacts, sex, etc), you’re going to be left faster than a bad hairdresser who doesn’t understand the definition of a “trim” (the opposite of a big chop). Being used like that and allowing it to happen in the hopes that something real will form can bring on more heartbreak than is necessary.

3. What type of statement are you making about yourself?

And if you are the user in this relationship, how are you representing yourself, taking part in a relationship that doesn’t seem meaningful? It could come across as saying that you are only the type of person who dates for status, money, convenience, etc. I’m not saying that you’re a goldigger, but…you kind of are.

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From YourTango.com

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We’ve all heard it at some point on our search for love: “Love shows up when you least expect it.” So, this means we should stop looking for love in order to find it. What if we applied this advice to other goals we have in our lives and the world?

Your ideal job will show up when you least expect it. You’ll lose 20lbs when you least expect it. The dishwasher will repair itself when you least expect it. Our marital problems will resolve themselves when we least expect it. World peace will arrive when we least expect it. This philosophy begins to seem a little ridiculous, doesn’t it? Is It Possible To Overcome Betrayal? EXPERT

And yet, we’re all sold this ridiculous myth from a very young age that one day we’ll bump into the love of our life and magically we’ll know how to make it last. How’s that working for you?

To get you out of the rut and get moving towards the love you desire, visit YourTango.com.

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There may be something more to coming home after a long day and having your feet rubbed—other than it feeling good. According to a new study, employees under stress who have strong spousal support are better able to handle work and people on the job. When 400 blue- and white-collar couples were compared, stressed out employees with support at home had the following benefits over those who don’t:

• 50 percent higher rates of satisfaction with their marriage;
• 33 percent greater likelihood of having positive relationships with co-workers;
• 30 percent lower likelihood of experiencing guilt associated with home/family neglect;
• 30 percent lower likelihood of being critical of others (spouse, children) at home;
• 25 percent higher rates of concentration levels at work;
• 25 percent lower likelihood of experiencing fatigue at home after work;
• 25 percent higher rates of satisfaction with the amount of time spent with their children;
• 20 percent higher views that their careers were heading in the right direction; and
• 20 percent higher level of job satisfaction,

“Given that a lack of support from one’s spouse represents a major cause of both divorce and career derailment, this research is needed to address issues that affect both home and work,” said study author Wayne Hochwarter, the Jim Moran Professor of Business Administration in the Florida State University College of Business. ”When you’re still angry or upset from yesterday’s stress, your workday will likely go in only one direction — down.”

That effect isn’t exactly shocking, but what’s key in these relationships is knowing exactly what support your partner needs. As Hochwarter pointed out, “Some attempts to support your stressed-out spouse can backfire, actually making the situation much worse.” But there were certain supportive characteristics that had a deep impact for most couples such as:

• Awareness of one’s spouse’s daily work demands (i.e., time pressures, lack of resources, deadlines, and supervisors).
• Not “forcing support.”
• Understanding that communication lines are open regardless of the circumstances.
• Recognizing that distancing oneself from the family or lashing out is not a practical way to foster help. In fact, it tends to bring out the worst in others — and even causes the supporting spouse to become distant and act out as well.
• Being able to bring one’s spouse back to the middle — up when down in the dumps and down when overly agitated.
• Not bombarding the family with complaints about minor workplace irritants.
• Not trying to “one-up” one’s spouse in terms of who has had the worse day.
• Not being complacent — continuing to work at it.
• Remaining rational and not automatically casting the spouse as the “bad guy.”
• Not keeping a running tab on who is giving and who is getting.

At the end of the day, Hochwarter said the most telling sign of a supportive partner was “the ability for a spouse to offer support on days when he or she needs it just as much.”

“In many cases, both return home from work stressed. Generating the mental and emotional resources needed to help when your own tank is empty is often difficult. Successful couples almost always kept a steady supply of support resources on reserve to be tapped on particularly demanding days.”

Do you and your partner equally support each other after a long day of work? Do you notice a difference in your attitude toward your job the next day?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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I’ve done a few drive-bys in my day—no, not the kind where you shoot up someone’s house. The ones where you and your girl take a ride past her man’s house in your car because he doesn’t know what you drive and you don’t want to get caught, she just wants to know if he’s really at home like he said he is—yeah, those kind.

I’ve also checked a few emails, a Facebook message here or there, but I never went through a man’s phone. There was only so far I was willing to stick my nose because I knew at some point I would drive myself crazy, and if I had to do all that, it was probably time to go anyway.

A paternity lab is breathing new life into the word snoop with infedility DNA testing that allows men and women to send in their partner’s underwear, boxers, tighty whities, panties, etc. for DNA testing to determine if they’ve been faithful or not. Creepy, right?

“The process is real simple” says Kip Charles, the man behind the operation. “Just provide us an article of clothing, preferably underwear or panties and we will do the rest. We can identify if semen is present, make sure it’s viable for dna extraction and then do a final comparison to make sure the DNA belongs to the correct person.”

“Most of the men callers want to check for someone else’s semen in their wife or girlfriends panties,” according to Tashunda H., one of the lab’s “specialists,” “but the women all want to know if female DNA is present in their husband or boyfriends underwear.”

The price for whatever piece of mind this testing could provide isn’t cheap either, running slightly under $200, plus it just isn’t practical. Your partner would have to have unprotected sex, stain their undergarments, and leave them somewhere in your home where they were accessible to you. By the time you packaged them, sent them off for testing, and got the results, you could have a disease. Probably makes more sense to stick to the tried and true method of simply asking: where were you last night?

I’m assuming none of you has ever gone this far to prove your man was creeping, but what is this craziest thing you’ve done to see if a man was faithful or not?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Men and women can drive eachother to drink either by messing up, or as a new study shows, by being heavy drinkers themselves.

In monitoring 208 heterosexual couples in their early 20s over a 28-day period, researchers found that they could predict one partner’s binge drinking based on the others drinking pattern.

“Binge drinking in university students occurs in both young men and women. Studies with married couples show that men have more of an influence on women, but in our study, we found both young women and young men influence their partner’s binge drinking,” says Aislin Mushquash, a fourth year PhD student at Dalhousie University.

I’ve seen this dynamic with a female associate who drinks heavily and would always encourage her boyfriend to keep up with her. One of the researchers noted that this finding should serve as a warning to choose partners and friends wisely if you are easily pressured into drinking.

Because alcohol seemed to be a recurring theme among all couples,the researchers say the finding helps explain why so many young people are drinking heavily, but they still need to get to the root of each individual’s drinking and what attracted the partners to one another.

“This research answers some key question but always raises some key questions – do birds of a feather all flock together? Do heavy drinkers naturally gravitate towards each other? Does each partner have a family history of alcoholism? These are questions we don’t yet know the answers to,” says Dr. Simon Sherry, assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Dalhousie University.

Have you noticed that you drink more when your boyfriend/husband drinks? Do you influence your partner’s drinking?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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My gut has gotten super sensitive recently, to the point that I almost have an instant reaction to any circumstance related to money, work, relationships, and anything else important to me, that tells me slow down, proceed with caution. In the past, I’ve mistaken that uneasiness in my stomach for nervous jitters, but I’ve come to realize that most times when I get a funny feeling in my tummy, it means something is not right.

When you meet someone new, butterflies and uneasiness seem to get into a bit of a wrestling match in your stomach and the uneasy feeling your tummy sends your brain as a warning sign gets drowned out by the nervous excitement of flapping butterfly wings. Fast forward a couple of years later and you’re crying on the couch asking how did this happen?

The last relationship I was in, I had an instant vibe from the guy that told me not to pursue anything. I didn’t even want to meet him when I saw him because something told me it wouldn’t be good. Once we met, I thought, well, you will have to keep this casual, at most, and once we dated for a year and a half, where was I? Crying on the couch. Except I didn’t have to ask how it happened, I already knew. I didn’t listen to my gut.

An article on The Huffington Post, says we are socially conditioned from an early age to use reason rather than trusting our gut. For women, this often turns into, he’ll get his act together eventually if I can make him do A,B, or C, or if he can see that I have X,Y,Z—although, that’s not so much reason and it is wishful thinking.

The article says there are 3 ways we can learn to trust our guts better when it comes to picking a partner:

1. Stay conscious. Pay attention to your physical body and the messages it is giving you.
2. Check gut feelings out with a trusted friend. (Just make sure it’s not a friend who has trouble picking out decent partners too.)
3.  Wait. You don’t necessarily have to instantly write someone off if you get a bad vibe—it really could just be nerves you’re feeling. After a little while, see if the feeling goes away. If it doesn’t, take your instinct combined with the knowledge you’ve gained about the other person as a sign it’s not a good match. Then take what you’ve learned and apply it to the next one.

Do you usually have a gut reaction to potential mates? Do you listen to what your instincts tell you? Have you ever had a gut reaction tell you someone was wrong for you and you ignored it only to find out your instincts were right all along?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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