PNP/ WENN.com

When you’re looking for a reunion of some sorts, it’s probably never a good idea to put it out in public.

According to the National Enquirer, Jamie Foxx’s father, Shaheed Abdullah (his former name was Darrell Bishop), has been trying to get in touch with the actor for years but Foxx will not return his calls.  His father is now very sick and is still looking to speak to his son.

This was all told to the Enquirer by Abdullah’s wife, Hellema.  She says that her husband now has scar tissue on his lungs and is on oxygen everyday but is still hoping to end the feud.  As she states, “We’ve called Jamie several times over the years and left hundreds of messages.  But he has never returned our calls. I just wish Jamie would call.”

Foxx has told the story many times in the past that he was raised by his grandparents (his mother’s adoptive parents) after both of his parents abandoned him. While they continued to live close to him, neither parent had a hand in Foxx’s upbringing. In fact, Foxx credits his grandparents, particularly his grandmother, in making him into the man he is today.

A source said Foxx and his father kept in touch which his father for many years due to his grandmother’s encouragement. However, that ended in 2004 when his grandmother passed away. The source says Jamie is getting revenge on his father for abandoning him when he was young.

During an interview with Oprah last month, Jamie revealed that his mother Louise and her ex-husband live with him so Hellema wonders why he’s helping her but holding a grudge against his dad.

While that may be a valid question, it is irrelevant in trying to repair a relationship. No matter how old a person may be, they may never forget how they were treated as children, especially by their parents.

What do you think? Should Jamie give his father a call and get to the full root of their problems? Should his father just forgive himself for what he’s done and move on?

Thinkstock

As children, we leaned on our parents, absorbing everything that they had to offer without apology. We depended on them for food, clothing, shelter and stability.  And, in return, our parents received blind respect. For a long time, everything they said was law, there being undisputed inherent fact and truth in everything our parents uttered. Then, we started to grow up… and more often than not, we began to see the flaws in our parent’s logic and their insecurities; and their desperation and fearfulness became more transparent.

As these changes occur, and self-realization is actualized, a ‘tug-of-war’ ensues. The independent personality that’s developing challenges our parent’s perception of who we are as their child, because they don’t want to acknowledge who we’re becoming as growing individuals. And the failure to recognize that metamorphosis causes a strain on the relationship between, one that will undoubtedly worsen as we become more defiant and independent and our parent becomes more controlling and/or judgmental. We decide as teenagers and young adults that the decisions and choices that we’d like to make are unique, and should be made freely, and without the regard or permission of our parents. And, our parents, who have made similar strides in their lives, are anxious to project our failures and successes based on their own, often finding themselves wanting to dictate and hover over our decisions because they don’t want us to make the same mistakes that they’ve made.

The struggle between powerlessness and power is an inherent part of the parent-child dynamic, because it’s several people fighting over the direction of one life –and what makes it a fight, as opposed to a negotiation are feelings of entitlement. Parents feel that they have a say over our future because they’ve invested our lives, and financially and physically nurtured us.  Less grateful for parent’s support, we see any attempt to direct us as a hasty attempt to manage us or stifle us.

The trouble with our parent’s hands in our lives is that as we grow, those hands have a less deserving place as a controlling hold on our lives, both physically and metaphorically. And, part of that growth is relieving our parents of responsibility. Some of our parent’s confusion over the power they hold over us is based on the fact that many of us still financially lean on parents –and within recent years, many of us have returned home after college. The issue with that is while using our parent’s funds and abusing their hospitality –as we did when we were children, we still express the desire to be treated like adults (stay out as late as we want, do whatever, whenever, even though we’re still coming home to our parents). But the blunt fact is that we can’t demand the benefits of adulthood, if we’re still behaving like children.

The only clear resolution to the parent/child problem is to find a place of understanding. Parents have to take a step down from their high horses, and children have to move out of a place of arrogance to discuss expectations and goals. Getting to a place where communication is possible may not resolve all of the issues that reside within the parent and (adult) child relationship, but it generates the possibility that both parties can explain their positions and help their relationship grow.