All Articles Tagged "parents"
I knew that if I ever wanted to have a relationship with her, I had to put it all out on the table.
I became a relationship coach to help understand and accept my own relationship hang-ups, most of which can be traced back to my relationship with my mother. Infants need lots of touch and holding in order to develop what psychologists call “secure attachment.” I was one of those children who was deprived of that. While it is true that Mom (now deceased) was one of the sweetest, most supportive mothers I know, she was also shy about her body and uncomfortable with physical touch.
Since I didn’t get that nurturing touch from Mom, I grew up feeling like I always wanted “more” in my relationships with men. I think a lot of us feel something like this—a deep inner sense that something is missing, that either you’re somehow lacking or your partner is.
Read more at YourTango.com.
It seems like it was just yesterday when we reported that Tamar Braxton and hubby Vincent Herbert were expecting their first child. Now it appears that the little bundle of joy will be here in no time! Over the weekend the parents-to-be celebrated their upcoming birth with family and friends at their adorable backyard boogie baby shower. It goes without saying that Tamar’s fabulous sisters were in attendance. The guest list also included Tamar’s mom Evelyn, Flex Alexander and wife Shaniece, T.I.and Tiny, Tami Roman and Omarosa just to name a few. The 36-year-old “Love & War” singer took to her Twitter page last night to semi-gush about her shower.
We take it she had a great time!
Turn the page for pictures from the celebration.
When Iyanla Vanzant sits down with DMX, everyone had better tune in with a notebook and pencil because it’s going to be explosive. Vanzant meets the embattled rapper on the season 2 premiere of Iyanla: Fix My Life to offer “support” around his issues with drug abuse, women, his extensive arrest record (“roughly 30 times,” he tells her), and his relationship with his family, particularly his son.
Vanzant spoke to ESSENCE.com about the episode, where she thinks DMX went wrong, and what we can all learn from him.
On where she thinks DMX went wrong in his life:
I don’t think that he went wrong. All of us have ways in which we mask and cover our pain. This is a man who is in a tremendous amount of pain. Some of us eat; some of us shop or eat chocolate. What he is doing is a less socially acceptable way to mask and cover his pain because he doesn’t have the skills and the tools to deal with it otherwise. So I don’t think he went wrong, it’s just a defense mechanism.
The breakthrough moment:
Sometimes you go on to do one thing and something else unfolds. When you’re dealing with the ravages of long-term drug abuse you’re also dealing with the impact of the entire ecology of the environment. What we discovered was that the greatest healing was for his son Xavier who had not had the ability to address what he was feeling about his father. Xavier really got the biggest breakthrough.
This was a really good interview and you can read the rest over at Essence.com. While this episode is clearly going to give us every level of entertainment we need, it is possibly the chance for us to learn something about ourselves and not just using it as a moment to laugh at someone else’s situation.
The second season of Iyanla: Fix My Life premieres tonight at 9p ET on OWN. Will you be watching?
Halle Berry isn’t the only 45-plus person in Hollywood becoming a parent. More than ever before, men are fathering children later in life. Be it they are more financially stable, starting a new love relationship or finally expecting with their partner after years of trying, it seems to be the new norm. Fatherhood is about loving your child and being there for them through thick and thin, and we wonder if these 15 celebs have ever done mental calculations for milestones, you know graduation, marriage, first grandbaby etc. Only time will tell, but for now they seem to enjoy being dads instead of granddads.
Parenthood takes you from an all-about-me, new pair of shoes today perspective to suddenly dreaming of home life in a cul-de-sac where your kids can play safe from harm. Being a new parent is tough. Sleep becomes a foreign thing you once got in great abundance; and there’s often an overwhelming sense of responsibility. But ask nearly any mother on the planet how she feels about motherhood and she’ll usually tell you in a heartbeat that the benefits outweigh any setbacks. So, it’s high time to take a breather and bask in the awesomeness of parenthood, like all these things.
A 32-year-old homeless man is suing his parents for neglect, demanding that they sell their tiny share of a Brooklyn house to finance two Domino’s Pizza stores, the New York Post reports. The franchises will provide a lifestyle upgrade, he reasoned.
“I feel unloved and abandoned,” he told the Post.
Bernard Anderson Bey conceded that his mother and father legally owe him nothing but said he thought his father “might find pleasure in seeing his children become successful,” according to the news outlet.
Read more on BlackVoices.com.
I’m not old enough to remember when Vanessa Williams became the first black Miss America, but I do remember when “Save the Best for Last” was the jam. And now Vanessa’s daughter Jillian Hervey has just released her first hit, “Treat Me Like Fire.” And she’s already 23.
When you’re looking for a reunion of some sorts, it’s probably never a good idea to put it out in public.
According to the National Enquirer, Jamie Foxx’s father, Shaheed Abdullah (his former name was Darrell Bishop), has been trying to get in touch with the actor for years but Foxx will not return his calls. His father is now very sick and is still looking to speak to his son.
This was all told to the Enquirer by Abdullah’s wife, Hellema. She says that her husband now has scar tissue on his lungs and is on oxygen everyday but is still hoping to end the feud. As she states, “We’ve called Jamie several times over the years and left hundreds of messages. But he has never returned our calls. I just wish Jamie would call.”
Foxx has told the story many times in the past that he was raised by his grandparents (his mother’s adoptive parents) after both of his parents abandoned him. While they continued to live close to him, neither parent had a hand in Foxx’s upbringing. In fact, Foxx credits his grandparents, particularly his grandmother, in making him into the man he is today.
A source said Foxx and his father kept in touch which his father for many years due to his grandmother’s encouragement. However, that ended in 2004 when his grandmother passed away. The source says Jamie is getting revenge on his father for abandoning him when he was young.
During an interview with Oprah last month, Jamie revealed that his mother Louise and her ex-husband live with him so Hellema wonders why he’s helping her but holding a grudge against his dad.
While that may be a valid question, it is irrelevant in trying to repair a relationship. No matter how old a person may be, they may never forget how they were treated as children, especially by their parents.
What do you think? Should Jamie give his father a call and get to the full root of their problems? Should his father just forgive himself for what he’s done and move on?
Mama, I’m Grown: Trying To Understand Our Complicated Relationships With Our Parents As Young Adults
As children, we leaned on our parents, absorbing everything that they had to offer without apology. We depended on them for food, clothing, shelter and stability. And, in return, our parents received blind respect. For a long time, everything they said was law, there being undisputed inherent fact and truth in everything our parents uttered. Then, we started to grow up… and more often than not, we began to see the flaws in our parent’s logic and their insecurities; and their desperation and fearfulness became more transparent.
As these changes occur, and self-realization is actualized, a ‘tug-of-war’ ensues. The independent personality that’s developing challenges our parent’s perception of who we are as their child, because they don’t want to acknowledge who we’re becoming as growing individuals. And the failure to recognize that metamorphosis causes a strain on the relationship between, one that will undoubtedly worsen as we become more defiant and independent and our parent becomes more controlling and/or judgmental. We decide as teenagers and young adults that the decisions and choices that we’d like to make are unique, and should be made freely, and without the regard or permission of our parents. And, our parents, who have made similar strides in their lives, are anxious to project our failures and successes based on their own, often finding themselves wanting to dictate and hover over our decisions because they don’t want us to make the same mistakes that they’ve made.
The struggle between powerlessness and power is an inherent part of the parent-child dynamic, because it’s several people fighting over the direction of one life –and what makes it a fight, as opposed to a negotiation are feelings of entitlement. Parents feel that they have a say over our future because they’ve invested our lives, and financially and physically nurtured us. Less grateful for parent’s support, we see any attempt to direct us as a hasty attempt to manage us or stifle us.
The trouble with our parent’s hands in our lives is that as we grow, those hands have a less deserving place as a controlling hold on our lives, both physically and metaphorically. And, part of that growth is relieving our parents of responsibility. Some of our parent’s confusion over the power they hold over us is based on the fact that many of us still financially lean on parents –and within recent years, many of us have returned home after college. The issue with that is while using our parent’s funds and abusing their hospitality –as we did when we were children, we still express the desire to be treated like adults (stay out as late as we want, do whatever, whenever, even though we’re still coming home to our parents). But the blunt fact is that we can’t demand the benefits of adulthood, if we’re still behaving like children.
The only clear resolution to the parent/child problem is to find a place of understanding. Parents have to take a step down from their high horses, and children have to move out of a place of arrogance to discuss expectations and goals. Getting to a place where communication is possible may not resolve all of the issues that reside within the parent and (adult) child relationship, but it generates the possibility that both parties can explain their positions and help their relationship grow.