All Articles Tagged "parenthood"
Variety is the spice of life is a saying that implies that different people, things and experiences are what make life exciting and worth living. When you think about it, relationships are an intricate part of the spice of life because they bring about new lessons, insight, ideas, and changes. Every relationship someone engages in requires time for nurturing and growth, no matter what type of association it is. However, in the hustle and bustle of daily routines, we have the tendency to mismanage the time we give to those we are involved with, particularly those of us who are single parents on the dating scene who struggle with balancing parenthood and romance. Finding ways to ensure that your youngsters/teenagers needs are met and developing an intimate relationship while maintaining your sanity can be a difficult task, but it’s not impossible. Keep these simple standards in mind:
Keep your child’s needs and concerns as a priority.
As a parent, your child’s needs automatically come before yours, and definitely before someone you’re dating. While you do deserve quality adult time, know and understand that your child deserves for his/her needs to be met, and as the parent it is your job to put them before date night.
Always have quality time and activities planned with your child.
Time well spent with your offspring is valuable for the both of you because before you know it, they will be an adult. So whether it’s watching cartoons, eating ice cream or reading a book with them, make sure you designate and spend quality time. As long as they feel like you still make time for them (and not in a chore type of way), a child can be accepting of your decision to try and date and possibly of the new love interest in your life.
Designate quality time for the person you’re involved with.
Set times for calling and dates that work with both of your schedules. Always be flexible and understand that circumstances can change for the both of you in a flash, but always put forth a thoughtful effort.
Communicate openly and effectively with your mate.
Effective communication is the key to any productive relationship. Making your significant other aware of your schedule (with or without your child) and listening to theirs will provide them with a sense of inclusion and will allow you to create time for each other to meet everyone’s needs.
Make time for yourself.
Always preserve me time to ensure that you are rejuvenated so you can do what’s necessary for you, your child and your romantic interest. You are only one person and you don’t want to stretch yourself too thin, because if you do then you won’t be of any good use to anyone.
Be anxious for nothing!
Don’t rush your time with your kid to be with your love interest, and in turn don’t rush the time you’ve designated to be with someone else… unless of course it’s an emergency and you have to get back to your child. The time spent with both parties is valuable so make it worth their while and yours.
If you’re going out, ask a relative or friend in advance to take your little one out for a night on the town too.
This way everyone will be out enjoying themselves! Set a time to be back and be sure to beat your child home and ask him/her about their evening. Or if you are the parent of an older child, allow them to hang out with friends for the night (out of your house of course, unless you feel that you can trust them like that). That way they’ll have something fun and productive to do while you’re enjoying quality adult time.
Parenthood is a blessing that no one should take for granted, but in the scope of things, adults must spend time with themselves and others to create a sense of balance for their life and others around them. Being a caregiver and dating can be a wonderful experience for all…if you allow it to be. However, we must know where our priorities are, establish and keep standards for ourselves, our child or children and the people we are involved with.
What are some standards you’ve established as a single parent dating? Did they work for you?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My boyfriend of four years is adamant about us having a baby right now. He has a child from a previous relationship, but I do not have any children yet. I attend university part time and I’m in my last year of school. I have a full time job but my salary is not enough to support both of us and a child. We live separately so that means already have two sets of bills. Plus, he works as a painter, and his job is inconsistent, so he would be out of work for an extensive period of time if we went there.
We have an accumulated debt of approximately $100K, and three quarters of which is his. I am gravely concerned about having children right now, whereas he is very nonchalant about it. Our financial situation is the number one reason why I am not ready for a child, but he thinks that it is an insignificant issue. I am tired of defending myself and I do not know how else to explain it to him. I suggested that he talk to a good friend of his, but he said that he doesn’t need anyone’s input in his life.
What should I do?
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
“I’m Not Your Friend, I’m Your Mother!” Mom Sells Daughter’s One Direction Tickets On Ebay As Punishment!
A woman in Sudney, Australia recently embarrassed the you-know-what out of her daughter on Ebay of all places after she got to the truth about her child’s recent indiscretions.
A user known as “tsfe” posted her daughter’s four tickets to see One Direction on Ebay this week after she found her daughter had been lying about creeping around with older guys. HEr description of what she was selling likely goes down in the parental hall of fame.
“THIS AUCTION IS FOR ALL 4 ONE DIRECTION TICKETS IN SYDNEY OCTOBER 25th. You can thank my daughters self righteous and lippy attitude for their sale. See sweety? And you thought I was bluffing. I hope the scowl on your bitchy little friends faces when you tell them that your dad and i revoked the gift we were giving you all reminds you that your PARENTS are the ones that deserve love and respect more than anyone. And your silly little pack mentality of taking your parents for fools is one sadly mistaken. Anyhow. Your loss someone else’s gain who deserves them! THE TICKETS ARE SEATED IN ROW O section 57. REMEMBER AUCTION IS FOR ALL 4 TICKETS and will be sent registered post
…OH YOUR FRIENDS THOUGHT THAT A FEW PRANKS CALLS WOULD PUT ME OFF SELLING THE GIFT WE BOUGHT FOR THEM for YOUR BIRTHDAY because YOU all LIED to us about sleep overs so you could hang like little trollops at an older guys HOUSE????? Pffft!! I find it HIGHLY amusing that you girls think you invented this stuff. Tricks like this on OUR parents is how HALF of you were conceived …..And why a lot of your friends DONT have an address to send that Fathers day card to!!! I’m not your friend. I’m your MOTHER. And I am here to give you the boundaries that YOU NEED to become a functional responsible adult. You may hate me now….. But I don’t care. Its my job to raise a responsible adult..not nuture bad habits in my teen age child.”
If you know anything about pop culture, then you’re aware that One Direction is possibly the biggest group on the planet right now. For this girl and her friends to miss an opportunity like this is surely crushing her heart at this very moment.
The auction has been taken down leading us to believe the tickets have been sold, but you can still check out a screenshot over on PEOPLE.com.
‘He’s A Great Dad:’ Jay-Z’s Mom Talks About Her Son As A Father, And What She’s Learned From Blue Ivy
While we wait to figure out whether or not Jay-Z will be a daddy a second time around, Us Weekly spoke with his mother, Gloria Carter, about how he’s faring as a daddy of one little lady so far. While at an event for the Shawn Carter Foundation over the weekend, which helps provide students with lower GPAs the opportunity to afford college, Carter spoke openly about how impressed she is with her son’s parenting skills and the impact Blue has had on him.
“It warms my heart to see how he interacts with his daughter. And when she says, ‘Papa,’ he just melts. He’s a great dad.”
And she’s not a bad grandma herself. Carter also said that she thinks Jay and Beyoncé do want more children, but so far, what she likes best about being a grandmother to Blue is that she can spend all time she likes with her…and then give her back:
“The amazing thing about being a grandmother is that you go get the kids, but when you’re tired, you can take them home!
And the funniest part of the interview came when she discussed how the 16-month-old is starting to learn what certain words mean, and that when she’s tired of being around certain people, like grandmother Carter, she dismisses them in only the way a toddler could:
“She’s very very smart. But [the TV show Babies Choice] teaches the babies that when you say hello, that means you’re going to be around. But when you say, ‘bye bye,’ it means you’re going to disappear. So when you’re around her, when she looks at you and she’s tired of you, she looks at you and she says, ‘bye bye!’ So with me I’m like, ‘No bye bye! No bye bye!’”
She’s too grown already, and we love it!
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I am writing to you for some relationship advice. I am in a happy place in my relationship with my soul mate. We have been dating for quite some time and have been living together for two years. He is in the midst of building a fabulous home and totally has me in his future plans, and I love it all.
The only problem is that he has recently told me that he will be having his teenage son come live with us full time. The teen has a number of issues that they fail to address, like obesity, constant bed-wetting, lack of manners and poor hygiene. Do I put my feelings of happiness on the back burner or try to work out the new living arrangement? I am hoping you can provide me with some help on this one.
Read what Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this on Essence.com
Tying the knot is a big step in life and while you may seem ready, there are definitely some things you’ll want to know before you say your vows and commit to just one man. Some of these small details can really impact your relationship, negatively or positively. So, if you’re hearing wedding bells in the near future, before it becomes official, here are some must-know details.
Taraji P. Henson may be one of the hardest working Black actresses in the movie biz, and now she’s revealing exactly where she got her work ethic from.
In the latest JET magazine, Henson says that her father showed her early on that anything worth having was worth working hard for.
“My daddy was blue-collar as you get,” said Henson. “At one point he was homeless, but he was always a man. He never made excuses. He got it done.”
Gotta love Taraji! She is definitely a black girl who rocks! Check out the rest over on ESSENCE.
Mama, I’m Grown: Trying To Understand Our Complicated Relationships With Our Parents As Young Adults
As children, we leaned on our parents, absorbing everything that they had to offer without apology. We depended on them for food, clothing, shelter and stability. And, in return, our parents received blind respect. For a long time, everything they said was law, there being undisputed inherent fact and truth in everything our parents uttered. Then, we started to grow up… and more often than not, we began to see the flaws in our parent’s logic and their insecurities; and their desperation and fearfulness became more transparent.
As these changes occur, and self-realization is actualized, a ‘tug-of-war’ ensues. The independent personality that’s developing challenges our parent’s perception of who we are as their child, because they don’t want to acknowledge who we’re becoming as growing individuals. And the failure to recognize that metamorphosis causes a strain on the relationship between, one that will undoubtedly worsen as we become more defiant and independent and our parent becomes more controlling and/or judgmental. We decide as teenagers and young adults that the decisions and choices that we’d like to make are unique, and should be made freely, and without the regard or permission of our parents. And, our parents, who have made similar strides in their lives, are anxious to project our failures and successes based on their own, often finding themselves wanting to dictate and hover over our decisions because they don’t want us to make the same mistakes that they’ve made.
The struggle between powerlessness and power is an inherent part of the parent-child dynamic, because it’s several people fighting over the direction of one life –and what makes it a fight, as opposed to a negotiation are feelings of entitlement. Parents feel that they have a say over our future because they’ve invested our lives, and financially and physically nurtured us. Less grateful for parent’s support, we see any attempt to direct us as a hasty attempt to manage us or stifle us.
The trouble with our parent’s hands in our lives is that as we grow, those hands have a less deserving place as a controlling hold on our lives, both physically and metaphorically. And, part of that growth is relieving our parents of responsibility. Some of our parent’s confusion over the power they hold over us is based on the fact that many of us still financially lean on parents –and within recent years, many of us have returned home after college. The issue with that is while using our parent’s funds and abusing their hospitality –as we did when we were children, we still express the desire to be treated like adults (stay out as late as we want, do whatever, whenever, even though we’re still coming home to our parents). But the blunt fact is that we can’t demand the benefits of adulthood, if we’re still behaving like children.
The only clear resolution to the parent/child problem is to find a place of understanding. Parents have to take a step down from their high horses, and children have to move out of a place of arrogance to discuss expectations and goals. Getting to a place where communication is possible may not resolve all of the issues that reside within the parent and (adult) child relationship, but it generates the possibility that both parties can explain their positions and help their relationship grow.
Name the classic black TV shows and the usual suspects always get named: “Cosby Show,” “Martin,” “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” “Living Single,” “In Living Color,” and so on and so forth. But we all know that the ’90s and early ’00s were the golden age for great black sitcoms, and while the ones already named got all the shine, a flurry of awesome ones deserved just as much love and notoriety for their hilarity, realness and for being just plain ‘ol good TV. Here are nine of our favorites that could have used some more love (and views), and feel free to name your own underrated joints. Be prepared to click. *winks*
Who else can remember getting their two-step on at the daddy-daughter dance?
Me neither. Getting my jig on to “Everybody/Backstreet’s Back” with my pops wasn’t really my thing. However, as the child of a father who spent more time slaving for the Chicago Public School system than he did showing up for basketball games, volleyball games and after-school activities, I relished the time I got to eat lunch with my dad and feel special during “Take Your Daughter To Work Day.” Plus, it was time out of school! Being that my dad always worked so hard, this school allowed quality time together was the beez-neez back in the day.
So maybe that’s why I was a little sad to hear that a School District in Rhode Island had banished the concept of all daddy/daughter, mother/son activities. Why? Because a single mother complained to school officials (the American Civil Liberties Union) that her child felt and was being left out of daddy-daughter dance activities because she doesn’t have a father or even father figure in her life. Feeling some sort of pressure, the superintendent of the Cranston, Rhode Island school district, Judith Lundsten, decided to ban all parent-child activities, with the ACLU even following up to say that such activities were actually a form of gender discrimination. Say wha? The ACLU statement, which we obtained through CNN, was released saying the following:
“The school district recognized that in the 21st Century, public schools have no business fostering the notion that girls prefer to go to formal dances while boys prefer baseball games. This type of gender stereotyping only perpetuates outdated notions of ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ activities and is contrary to federal law.”
Parents seemed to have a mix of opinions on this decision, with some, as you’ll see in the WPRI video below, seeing it as a “travesty” and others thinking that as times have changed, activities like this do need to change as well–or be done away with.
Talk about a sticky situation. I can somewhat understand what the ACLU is trying to say, but to ban ALL parent-child activities seems like a horrible idea to me. Why not make the dances shindigs for both moms and dads, as well as sons and daughters? Why not keep the baseball games and not make it gender specific? To ban it all seems like an overreaction, one that will put unnecessary heat on a parent who sounds like they just wanted everyone to be included in such specialized events, and punish mothers and fathers who want to partake in these activities. I think we all know that in this day and age, having events like this while kids are young, even if it’s something the school forces, helps more than it hurts, and it’s definitely needed in a time where people seem to be losing control and grasp of their children (see all the youngsters gangbanging in the Chi) and teen mothers have become common. Shoooooooot, we need as much daddy-daughter, mother-son time together as we can get, and if school officials can just make it a parent-child dance, baseball game, or take your child to work event, even better. But to cancel it all? What’s up with that?
What do you think? Should they have canceled all parent-child activities? Was the mother wrong for speaking out or was the school district tripping?
Photos courtesy of Black Celeb Kids
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