All Articles Tagged "orgasm"

Researchers: Ability To Orgasm Could Have More To Do With Your Vagina’s Anatomy Than Your Man

April 27th, 2016 - By Victoria Uwumarogie
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When anyone writes anything about the ability of some women to reach orgasm, there is often talk about what their partner can do in the bedroom to make it happen, because he must be lacking somewhere, right? Not necessarily. According to researchers, it’s not as simple as that. In fact, a new evidence review says the anatomy of a woman’s vagina could actually be the problem.

Researchers said that while in development, the clitoris moves up and away from the vaginal opening. But some women have a clitoris that sits up much higher, or “drifted too far up” due to exposure to male hormones in the womb. This distance can make it especially hard to have an orgasm because of a lack of friction for the clitoris.

Medical Xpress reached out to experts who weren’t a part of the study to help us all gain a better understanding of the findings. Elisabeth Lloyd, a scholar with the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University-Bloomington, said a distance over 2.5 centimeters means a woman will be less likely to reach orgasm with intercourse alone. It may even be impossible.

“It’s so strong a correlation that if you give us a woman who has a distance of 3 centimeters, we can very reliably predict she won’t have orgasm with intercourse,” Lloyd told the publication. “Women can do this measurement themselves or with their partner, to help explain their own sexual experience.”

She continued, saying that your partner’s skills in bed or his penis size “might have some effect, but it really is the anatomical distance that seems to be predictive.”

Still, another expert, Dr. Maureen Whelihan, a gynecologist, and expert with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, said between 70 percent and 90 percent of women struggle with having an orgasm through penetration alone. And Dr. Whelihan said that if you do orgasm and do so on top, that’s not necessarily penetration “alone.” It’s the direct clitoral stimulation that’s making it happen.

“When you’re on top, sitting on the partner’s erection and grinding on his abdomen,” Whelihan said, “it’s really not just a vaginal orgasm. You’re rubbing your clitoris on his abdomen or pelvis.”

Therefore, both experts told Medical Xpress that men and women looking to reach their climax more often need to focus on concentrating on clitoral stimulation through the woman being on top, and positions where the man rubs the clitoris during sex with his hands or does so with a sex toy. But at the end of the day, Lloyd stated that orgasms aren’t the sole sign of a healthy and fun sex life.

“We’ve learned in our research there are so many women who do not have orgasm with intercourse on a regular basis,” Lloyd said. “To put this banner of healthiness as having orgasm with intercourse kind of stacks the deck against these women who, because of their anatomy, cannot have orgasm with intercourse.”

So don’t freak out if you aren’t having orgasms like Samantha Jones in Sex and the City or that friend who shares way too much about her sex life with you. Instead, get creative.

Orgasmic Meditation: Spiritual Awakening Or Just A Fancy Fingering?

March 9th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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orgasmic meditation

Source: New York Post Facebook

When most of us think of orgasms, we think of receiving them, hopefully, during sex, with our partners. But according to those who practice Orgasmic Meditation (OM), don’t necessarily equate orgasms with sexual release, but rather a desire to be more connected to your own body, other people and be more present in your everyday life.

Orgasmic meditation occurs when a partner (not necessarily romantic. One woman described her partner as a friend of about a year.) strokes a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. Unlike sex, there is no goal to reach a climax. Instead the goal is to feel, connect and be present in the moment. That ability to connect is said to provide a larger state of consciousness and increased intimacy to others in your life.

Naturally, many are viewing the practice as a way for women to get off but this woman, Rachel Tayeb explains that the experience is so much more to her, particularly because a doctor told her she was anorgasmic, that she would never experience an orgasm. Through OM she was finally able to understand what all the hype was about.

And interestingly enough when Youtuber Iman Crosson, the guy who is known for his impersonations of President Obama and former professional soccer player Natalie Spilger observed the experience, Natalie was most struck by the closeness between the woman and her partner. Iman was a bit distracted by the sounds of orgasm but still the experience was more than he thought it was.

And before you dismiss this as “White people ish,” The New York Post video tapped partners Marissa Ward, a Black woman, and Rafael Martinez, a Latino man, completing one of their orgasmic meditation sessions together. You can take a look below. It’s not as graphic as you might think.

Do you believe there’s a spiritual benefit to orgasmic meditation or is it just a fancy fingering?

Celebrity Women On Why You Should Never Fake The “Big O”

November 12th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Tumblr

Image Source: Tumblr

Is the secret to having more orgasms demanding them? These celebrity women say they demand an orgasm every time — and it has transformed their sex lives.

From Coconut Oil To Thermals Socks: Orgasm Hacks You’re Going To Want To Try

October 26th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Tumblr

Image Source: Tumblr

Could coconut oil as lube change your love life? Can climaxing come via a trigger word? These surprisingly simple orgasm hacks might be just what’s been missing from your bedroom routine.

Experiencing An Energy Orgasm

October 15th, 2015 - By Deja Jones
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As I sat sifting through the spreadsheet I had created at work, I couldn’t help but smile and think about the guy I was currently dating. We would FaceTime during my work hours while he was still at home. We texted all day and talked on the phone all night. We even had the luxury of seeing each other every day.  I was in love, and even though I had been in a long-term relationship before then, it was the first time that I had experienced such strong emotions towards someone else. So, as I sat, sorting through my documents and thinking, a strong sensation shot down my spine and spread throughout my arms, legs and neck. My breathing shortened and the feeling was amazing. I had no idea what was happening, but I was pretty sure I had somehow thought myself into an orgasm. All the signs were there as I sat in my office trying to figure out what the hell just happened. It was as if my entire body had gone into an intense state of relaxation. So, as a psuedo-researcher of things, I Googled “can you orgasm without being touched?” That’s where I discovered energy orgasms. I had to text my friends about this phenomenon.

What Is An Energy Orgasm?

An energy orgasm is achieved through a series of controlled breathing and muscle clenching techniques. They create a sensation without being touched. Energy orgasms, in my opinion, can be an extremely spiritual experience and an empowering one for women. The notion of being so deeply connected to oneself and someone else to trigger that kind of pleasure is powerful. It requires one to center themselves and to completely empty their minds. For me, all it took was contentment and an extreme case of lust and infatuation.

What’s The Difference Between Energy Orgasms And Conventional Ones?

Although there is no scientific research that shows any significant difference between an energy induced orgasm and a conventional one, Dr. Barry Komisaruk, writer of The Science of Orgasm, found that the pleasure centers of the brain associated with orgasm light up in women who think themselves to orgasm in exactly the same way as in women who orgasm through more conventional means (i.e., sex, masturbation). And we all know the health benefits of orgasms. They are great stress relievers and a way to connect with your partner. However, energy orgasms require you to be relaxed and to fully let go. This happens through various mental exercises and breathing techniques that allow you to connect with yourself. It is said that women who can perfect the art of energy orgasms also have even more intense orgasms when engaging in sex with a partner.

How Can You Experience This? 

After speaking with a sex coach who goes by Barbara, she suggests closing your eyes, relaxing and using your imagination to concentrate on something or someone that produces arousal. Her technique is to practice deep breathing until you can feel yourself getting lighter and your mind clearing. While inhaling and exhaling deeply, also expand and contract your pelvic muscles, intensifying the contractions with every exhale. This will create a tingling and tight feeling in the clitoral area as sensitivity increases. According to her, this is the blood flowing in and out of each vessel, stimulating the nerve fibers and producing powerful feelings of ecstasy and intense pleasure.

Who knew a dirty mind and some deep breathing could trigger such a pleasurable sensation? Do tell. Have you ever tried to have an energy orgasm. If you were successful, how was it?

“I Demand An Orgasm Every Time”: Don’t Let Nicki Minaj’s Advice Mess Up Your Sex Life

June 11th, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Nicki Minaj has caused yet another Internet frenzy with her most recent statements about how a man must please her in bed. In the July issue of Cosmopolitan, Minaj said, “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that.”

I find it very interesting — and amusing — when people who do not have a conceptual framework of healthy sexuality, nor formal education and/or credentials in the field of human sexuality, try to educate and/or give advice on how someone can better their sex life.  Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that someone has to have a degree in sexuality to give suggestions. I am, however, unapologetically saying that they should at the very least have a thorough understanding of all dimensions of sexuality before haphazardly giving out information and recommendations.

While Minaj’s comments regarding demanding your orgasms from your mate may be well-intended, those comments also set people up for disappointment. Furthermore, it contributes to the misunderstanding of women’s sexuality and empowerment. Our sexuality is complex. Given the historical context, the societal construction of sexuality, negative intergenerational patterns, stigmas, taboos, the female anatomy, variations in sexual response, misunderstandings about sexual empowerment and more, it’s obvious that experiencing an orgasm is much more than a simple demand from one’s partner.

Finally, why should someone assume or demand that someone else give them sexual pleasure? I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but that is not how it works. That belief system is one of the very reasons why many women are left feeling unfulfilled sexually. That mindset gives someone else way too much power, control and accountability over our own sexuality. It is not fair to hold someone else responsible for our sexual pleasure. We should be an active participant in our sexual experiences and make sure that we are getting our own pleasure.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for navigating our sexual health and experiences, not anyone else. When we give others that power, we only hurt ourselves because we fail to value our sexuality. And besides, do you really want to take advice from someone who made a song boasting about “Truffle Butter“? I think not.


IMG_0827 (1)Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best-selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or Join Dr. TaMara’s movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Female Ejaculation

November 28th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

The elusive female ejaculation, commonly known as gushing or squirting, is a phenomenon that has been popularized by the adult entertainment industry and it is actually more real than you think — that is, of course, minus the lights, camera, props and the beauty of editing!

So let’s say you’re having sex with your beloved and they hit that “spot” just right and all of a sudden you get the urge to pee. Afraid you’re going to urinate on your partner, you stop right in the middle of sex, cutting yourself short of experiencing the phenomenon known as female ejaculation. We don’t want you to do that anymore because you’re not about to pee. You’re about to you know what. So here’s everything you need to know about female ejaculation.

What is it? Female ejaculation refers to a watery fluid that originates in the G-Spot and is secreted by the Skenes/Paraurethral Glands through the urethra before and/or during orgasm. Although the fluid released during female ejaculation comes from the urethra, rest assured it is not urine. The fluid is female ejaculate, and it comes from the ducts around the urethra, not from the bladder, where urine is stored. The reason people may confuse female ejaculate with urine is the fact that female ejaculate can also sometimes travel back up into the bladder, which is called retrograde ejaculation. And because the female ejaculate may mix with urine and even share some of the same properties of urine- -urea and creatinine– many people think that it is urine; however that is not the case.

Female ejaculate is also distinctly different from normal vaginal fluid. Normal vaginal fluid can vary in taste, smell, color and consistency, depending on menstrual cycle, hormonal levels, food intake, presence of infection etc. Female ejaculate on the other hand is fairly consistent in taste, smell, color and consistency. It is a sweet smelling, watery type of fluid and is not the typical fluid that one sees when a woman is wet from sexual arousal or having had an orgasm.

What causes female ejaculation? During sexual arousal the G-Spot becomes enlarges and the tissue surrounding the urethra becomes engorged with blood and the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands begin to produce and fill with fluid. The rhythmic pressure from fingers, toys, a penis, or the contractions of an orgasm pushe the fluid out through the urethral opening causing ejaculation.The amount of fluid expelled during ejaculation can vary from woman to woman however the average amount is somewhere around two tablespoons. This depends on how hydrated a woman is and how much she pushes while ejaculating.

Can every women experience female ejaculation? All women have the Paraurethral / Skenes glands so all women are capable of producing this fluid and can eventually achieve female ejaculation! Interestingly enough, many women experience ejaculation during sex, but do not realize what’s happening and as a result, they cut the experience short for fear of “urinating on their partner.” That fear in turn leads to clenching down of the PC muscles which stop the fluid from coming out. The inability to relax, bare down and push prevents the release of the ejaculate. This inability usually comes down to a matter of inhibitions regarding sexuality, embarrassment, guilt, unfamiliarity with the female reproductive system, not being in touch with one’s own body, not having a thorough understanding of female ejaculation, lack of connection and/or sexual compatibility with one’s partner, and stress.

How can a woman increase her changes of experiencing female ejaculation? The first step is to stop trying! Like exploring everything else new in your experience of sex, you should work towards it but not put unnecessary stresses on yourself or your partner by making it your goal. Having goal-oriented sex almost always ensures that you will not reach your sexual goal. Addressing any psychological barriers that may contribute to your inability to fulfill sexual desires may also be helpful and/or it may be just be a matter of finding the right technique.

The most simple and effective way to bring yourself or your partner one step closer to allowing the waters to flow from within is by including some of the following tips into your regular sex play:

  • Strengthen your PC Muscles. Being able to contract and release your PC muscle can help with achieving female ejaculation
  • Add clitoral stimulation to your G-spot stimulation. Multiple forms of stimulation help to increase levels of arousal.
  • Locate your G-Spot. Try using a g-spot stimulator to help locate your G-Spot. Additionally, the G-Spot is usually much easier to locate after the first orgasm.
  • Try to urinate before sex play. Emptying your bladder will help to reduce anxiety around urinating on your partner.
  • Bare down and push when you feel like you are about to have an orgasm rather than clenching tight. This will help to force out any fluid that has built up in the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands. Whatever you do, don’t stop pushing just allow the fluid to flow. The orgasm will be very intense and pleasurable.
  • Seek the advice of a professional sex therapist or counselor. There may be some deeper issue blocking your ability to experience your sexual desires.

So the next time you are in the midst of sex play, give yourself permission to let go and experience the orgasmic intensity of a g-spot orgasm. Don’t worry it’s not pee — unless you didn’t empty your bladder first. Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible and try to enjoy what the experience has to offer you.Give yourself permission and freedom to let go and most importantly, have fun! Remember the journey is just as important as the destination!


IMG_1685Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, or


We’ve Been Way Off About How To Get Off: Study Says G-Spot Doesn’t Exist

February 23rd, 2014 - By Raven Carter
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For many women, the g-spot has been their anatomy’s very own version of “Where’s Waldo”.  They’ve spent hours, positions and sex partners chasing the ultimate orgasm through a body part that many became convinced didn’t exist.  Well a new study reveals, it probably doesn’t.

A recent HuffPost article reports, “There’s no G spot. There’s a C spot — the clitoris,” according to researcher Dr. Susan Oakley, an OBGYN at Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. “It is the source of a lot of sexual pleasure for the female.”  Using MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) doctors scanned the pelvic areas of woman who averaged around 32 years of age. Ten of the women reported never or rarely being able to achieve orgasms despite trying and the rest reported climaxing on the regular.

When they compared the two groups, doctors discovered the direct distance between the clitoris and the vagina was 5-6 millimeters longer on the woman who had difficulties achieving orgasms. The women also had a smaller clitoris on average as well.  Turns out size does matter when it comes to getting off, but only in reference to female anatomy.

Doctors are debating whether if having a bigger clitoris leads to more orgasms or does having more orgasms result in a bigger clitoris. “”Perhaps a larger clitoris has more nerve endings, and perhaps with direct contact and stimulation the clitoris can have more sensation, resulting in orgasms,” Oakley says.

The study recently published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine takes a lot of pressure off women who felt they were to blame for their inability to get off because they couldn’t find their g-spot with a Google search.  But even with these new findings, orgasms are still very complex.  It’s not just about the size of your clitoris, many things come into play like your comfort level and how aroused you are.  If you’re worried about him noticing your stretch marks, stressed out about work obligations or just generally not attracted to your partner, it’s going to make it that much harder to turn down so you can get turned on.  Either way these findings prove that your position is probably more to blame the elusive g-spot for your pleasure problems.

Stop Faking It! Reasons You Might Not Be Having the “Big O!”

August 26th, 2012 - By Brooke Dean
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A friend of mine recently revealed to me that, at age 30, she had never had an orgasm. Poor thing! I was shocked, but more interested in how her partners (read: egos) were able to deal with “failing” to bring her to the Promise Land. “Simple,” she replied. “I fake it!”


No one woman should ever have to fake her sexual pleasure at her own expense, or the expense of a man and his ego. If you’ve never been able to climax, even on your own, then there may be some serious issues that require healthy examination as to why you can’t “get there.” If you’ve been faking it, here are some reasons you may not be able to have the “Big O.”

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7 Signs You’re Good In Bed

April 9th, 2012 - By MN Editor
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It’s something every girl has wondered: am I good in bed? Sure, like kissing, much of it may have to do with compatibility—what might be hot for one guy could be just plain freaky to the next. But no matter what your guy’s preferences are, here are the 7 signs to know that you’re rocking his socks off:

For the signs, visit

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