All Articles Tagged "orgasm"
Nicki Minaj has caused yet another Internet frenzy with her most recent statements about how a man must please her in bed. In the July issue of Cosmopolitan, Minaj said, “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that.”
I find it very interesting — and amusing — when people who do not have a conceptual framework of healthy sexuality, nor formal education and/or credentials in the field of human sexuality, try to educate and/or give advice on how someone can better their sex life. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that someone has to have a degree in sexuality to give suggestions. I am, however, unapologetically saying that they should at the very least have a thorough understanding of all dimensions of sexuality before haphazardly giving out information and recommendations.
While Minaj’s comments regarding demanding your orgasms from your mate may be well-intended, those comments also set people up for disappointment. Furthermore, it contributes to the misunderstanding of women’s sexuality and empowerment. Our sexuality is complex. Given the historical context, the societal construction of sexuality, negative intergenerational patterns, stigmas, taboos, the female anatomy, variations in sexual response, misunderstandings about sexual empowerment and more, it’s obvious that experiencing an orgasm is much more than a simple demand from one’s partner.
Finally, why should someone assume or demand that someone else give them sexual pleasure? I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but that is not how it works. That belief system is one of the very reasons why many women are left feeling unfulfilled sexually. That mindset gives someone else way too much power, control and accountability over our own sexuality. It is not fair to hold someone else responsible for our sexual pleasure. We should be an active participant in our sexual experiences and make sure that we are getting our own pleasure.
At the end of the day, we are responsible for navigating our sexual health and experiences, not anyone else. When we give others that power, we only hurt ourselves because we fail to value our sexuality. And besides, do you really want to take advice from someone who made a song boasting about “Truffle Butter“? I think not.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best-selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or www.drtamaragriffin.com. Join Dr. TaMara’s movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives www.howdareinot.com
The elusive female ejaculation, commonly known as gushing or squirting, is a phenomenon that has been popularized by the adult entertainment industry and it is actually more real than you think — that is, of course, minus the lights, camera, props and the beauty of editing!
So let’s say you’re having sex with your beloved and they hit that “spot” just right and all of a sudden you get the urge to pee. Afraid you’re going to urinate on your partner, you stop right in the middle of sex, cutting yourself short of experiencing the phenomenon known as female ejaculation. We don’t want you to do that anymore because you’re not about to pee. You’re about to you know what. So here’s everything you need to know about female ejaculation.
What is it? Female ejaculation refers to a watery fluid that originates in the G-Spot and is secreted by the Skenes/Paraurethral Glands through the urethra before and/or during orgasm. Although the fluid released during female ejaculation comes from the urethra, rest assured it is not urine. The fluid is female ejaculate, and it comes from the ducts around the urethra, not from the bladder, where urine is stored. The reason people may confuse female ejaculate with urine is the fact that female ejaculate can also sometimes travel back up into the bladder, which is called retrograde ejaculation. And because the female ejaculate may mix with urine and even share some of the same properties of urine- -urea and creatinine– many people think that it is urine; however that is not the case.
Female ejaculate is also distinctly different from normal vaginal fluid. Normal vaginal fluid can vary in taste, smell, color and consistency, depending on menstrual cycle, hormonal levels, food intake, presence of infection etc. Female ejaculate on the other hand is fairly consistent in taste, smell, color and consistency. It is a sweet smelling, watery type of fluid and is not the typical fluid that one sees when a woman is wet from sexual arousal or having had an orgasm.
What causes female ejaculation? During sexual arousal the G-Spot becomes enlarges and the tissue surrounding the urethra becomes engorged with blood and the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands begin to produce and fill with fluid. The rhythmic pressure from fingers, toys, a penis, or the contractions of an orgasm pushe the fluid out through the urethral opening causing ejaculation.The amount of fluid expelled during ejaculation can vary from woman to woman however the average amount is somewhere around two tablespoons. This depends on how hydrated a woman is and how much she pushes while ejaculating.
Can every women experience female ejaculation? All women have the Paraurethral / Skenes glands so all women are capable of producing this fluid and can eventually achieve female ejaculation! Interestingly enough, many women experience ejaculation during sex, but do not realize what’s happening and as a result, they cut the experience short for fear of “urinating on their partner.” That fear in turn leads to clenching down of the PC muscles which stop the fluid from coming out. The inability to relax, bare down and push prevents the release of the ejaculate. This inability usually comes down to a matter of inhibitions regarding sexuality, embarrassment, guilt, unfamiliarity with the female reproductive system, not being in touch with one’s own body, not having a thorough understanding of female ejaculation, lack of connection and/or sexual compatibility with one’s partner, and stress.
How can a woman increase her changes of experiencing female ejaculation? The first step is to stop trying! Like exploring everything else new in your experience of sex, you should work towards it but not put unnecessary stresses on yourself or your partner by making it your goal. Having goal-oriented sex almost always ensures that you will not reach your sexual goal. Addressing any psychological barriers that may contribute to your inability to fulfill sexual desires may also be helpful and/or it may be just be a matter of finding the right technique.
The most simple and effective way to bring yourself or your partner one step closer to allowing the waters to flow from within is by including some of the following tips into your regular sex play:
- Strengthen your PC Muscles. Being able to contract and release your PC muscle can help with achieving female ejaculation
- Add clitoral stimulation to your G-spot stimulation. Multiple forms of stimulation help to increase levels of arousal.
- Locate your G-Spot. Try using a g-spot stimulator to help locate your G-Spot. Additionally, the G-Spot is usually much easier to locate after the first orgasm.
- Try to urinate before sex play. Emptying your bladder will help to reduce anxiety around urinating on your partner.
- Bare down and push when you feel like you are about to have an orgasm rather than clenching tight. This will help to force out any fluid that has built up in the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands. Whatever you do, don’t stop pushing just allow the fluid to flow. The orgasm will be very intense and pleasurable.
- Seek the advice of a professional sex therapist or counselor. There may be some deeper issue blocking your ability to experience your sexual desires.
So the next time you are in the midst of sex play, give yourself permission to let go and experience the orgasmic intensity of a g-spot orgasm. Don’t worry it’s not pee — unless you didn’t empty your bladder first. Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible and try to enjoy what the experience has to offer you.Give yourself permission and freedom to let go and most importantly, have fun! Remember the journey is just as important as the destination!
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.
For many women, the g-spot has been their anatomy’s very own version of “Where’s Waldo”. They’ve spent hours, positions and sex partners chasing the ultimate orgasm through a body part that many became convinced didn’t exist. Well a new study reveals, it probably doesn’t.
A recent HuffPost article reports, “There’s no G spot. There’s a C spot — the clitoris,” according to researcher Dr. Susan Oakley, an OBGYN at Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. “It is the source of a lot of sexual pleasure for the female.” Using MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) doctors scanned the pelvic areas of woman who averaged around 32 years of age. Ten of the women reported never or rarely being able to achieve orgasms despite trying and the rest reported climaxing on the regular.
When they compared the two groups, doctors discovered the direct distance between the clitoris and the vagina was 5-6 millimeters longer on the woman who had difficulties achieving orgasms. The women also had a smaller clitoris on average as well. Turns out size does matter when it comes to getting off, but only in reference to female anatomy.
Doctors are debating whether if having a bigger clitoris leads to more orgasms or does having more orgasms result in a bigger clitoris. “”Perhaps a larger clitoris has more nerve endings, and perhaps with direct contact and stimulation the clitoris can have more sensation, resulting in orgasms,” Oakley says.
The study recently published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine takes a lot of pressure off women who felt they were to blame for their inability to get off because they couldn’t find their g-spot with a Google search. But even with these new findings, orgasms are still very complex. It’s not just about the size of your clitoris, many things come into play like your comfort level and how aroused you are. If you’re worried about him noticing your stretch marks, stressed out about work obligations or just generally not attracted to your partner, it’s going to make it that much harder to turn down so you can get turned on. Either way these findings prove that your position is probably more to blame the elusive g-spot for your pleasure problems.
A friend of mine recently revealed to me that, at age 30, she had never had an orgasm. Poor thing! I was shocked, but more interested in how her partners (read: egos) were able to deal with “failing” to bring her to the Promise Land. “Simple,” she replied. “I fake it!”
No one woman should ever have to fake her sexual pleasure at her own expense, or the expense of a man and his ego. If you’ve never been able to climax, even on your own, then there may be some serious issues that require healthy examination as to why you can’t “get there.” If you’ve been faking it, here are some reasons you may not be able to have the “Big O.”
It’s something every girl has wondered: am I good in bed? Sure, like kissing, much of it may have to do with compatibility—what might be hot for one guy could be just plain freaky to the next. But no matter what your guy’s preferences are, here are the 7 signs to know that you’re rocking his socks off:
For the signs, visit YourTango.com
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For most women, a night of great sex is unforgettable. For a 54-year-old woman being studied by researchers at Georgetown University Hospital, one night of passion literally blew her mind, causing her to experience memory loss after having sex with her husband.
The woman went to Georgetown’s emergency department complaining that she couldn’t remember anything that happened 24 hours before climaxing. Doctors diagnosed her with transient global amnesia, a rare and sudden episode of memory loss.
Carol Lippa, MD, a Professor of Neurology at Drexel University Medical School, said “Transient global amnesia is caused by a scrambling of the memory circuits in the brain, often brought on by physical or emotional triggers.
“In post-coital cases, transient global amnesia may be related to changes in blood flow in the vessels that feed the brain’s memory formation areas — sort of a remote consequence of the altered blood flow that occurs during sex.”
Get the full story about yogasm over at Your Tango.com
Faking an orgasm, otherwise known as “using the emergency escape button,” does not necessarily mean your man is a wack lover or you’re not getting satisfied. Sometimes a sista is just ready to be done, right?
At least that’s what Telisha Ng of Hello Beautiful says. The writer says that sometimes a woman has an off day: she’s exhausted, has her mind on other things–you pretty much don’t have your mind right. And while your body might be ready to do the “do,” if your mind isn’t ready, it’s a wrap. Add to that the pressures of a guy whose own sexual experience and ego is based on you reaching your climax and doing so quickly, and well…Ng says you have to pull out that emergency button. However, she doesn’t recommend faking it often whatsoever. Steps should be taken to let your man know what works for you in the bedroom if you’re rarely reaching your peak, and let him know what gets you to that point. If communication isn’t clear, then expect every night of lovin’ to be a long one. And not in a good way…
To read Telisha’s thoughts on why faking it shouldn’t really be looked at as a bad thing, check out Hellobeautiful.com.
We bet you didn’t. But if you want to educate yourself on these and other nifty little factoids, head over to YourTango.com to get the info on these phenomena. You won’t be disappointed.