All Articles Tagged "oral sex"
Oral sex is not for everybody. I get it. But what if you asked for it and your boyfriend tried to tell you that it was something he liked to save for “special occasions”?
In the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
But that is the dilemma of one woman who shared her unique circumstances. She stated that her boyfriend “doesn’t really do the oral sex thing with me.” He tries his hand at going downtown sometimes, and he claims that he enjoys it. But he says that it’s a “special” act that he likes to pull out for “special occasions.” She insists that he’s great at sex and a myriad of positions. Still, he rarely gets down with the licky licky unless it’s their anniversary, her birthday, or he is in a really good mood and feeling more spontaneous than usual. Either way, when she can get him to do it she’s a happy camper. But when she directly asks, and he is all “meh” about it, she gets peeved. They’ve been together for more than a year and it’s something she has put up with for a while. But homegirl is getting frustrated. She provides him with oral sex, but she can’t count on getting it from him.
Basically, homeboy is worse than August Alsina out in these streets. Instead of passing on giving oral sex altogether (not cool by the way), he is basically teasing her with it by doing it every once in a blue moon. But in all seriousness, this is a complicated situation. Of course, you never want to push someone to do anything that they’re not comfortable with trying. If they’re not feeling it and they try it anyway, chances are, you won’t find yourself satisfied (or feeling too good about yourself). And many men refuse to go downtown around the time a woman is just completing her period. So some have good reasons for opting out of providing such pleasures. But this right here? The “special occasions” card being pulled? Can’t say that it’s a good reason.
It would be one thing if he didn’t enjoy it, or there were an odor or issue that caused him to all of a sudden make it a rare occurrence. But he told her that he did like it. And yet, when she asks for it, he plays hard to get. What is really going on?
I would say that she could withhold blow jobs from him if he’s not reciprocating, but if it’s something she genuinely receives satisfaction from doing, then by all means, hop to it. However, this every now and then mess he’s pulling? It’s not going to fly. Especially since many women don’t always feel comfortable asking openly for certain pleasures in the bedroom. So knowing that she has done so, and his excuse is that it’s for “special occasions” is quite frustrating. And it’s not even my problem.
As always, these two need to have a real talk. She needs to let him know of her frustrations. Maybe he’s confused and thought it was something she didn’t always want? Maybe he said he liked doing it but really isn’t secure about his skills with his tongue? You never know, hence the need for a thorough conversation. But once he knows how she feels, things need to change, and the licky licky needs to happen quicky quicky…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. How would you deal with your man only trying to go down on you for “special occasions”? And if she tells him and he’s still not down to go downtown, what then?
There’s always the debate of who has it worse when it comes to pleasuring their partner with oral sex. Women sometimes complain about men’s hygiene, the taste and the expectation that she should swallow, whereas, men often complain about female hygiene, landing strip versus shaven hair and the taste. But I’m sure we can all agree that there’s nothing like a little foreplay to get things heated up in the bedroom–or wherever you like to play. According to the experts, 70-80 percent of women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm. This can be very daunting for the conservative fella who thinks that getting in and off is just enough to keep her satisfied. But why not show her a little love below? Ladies, if you find yourself unsatisfied with your partner’s reluctance to give you oral sex, consider schooling him on the good, the bad and the ugly of cunnilingus while taking the proper steps to make it more enjoyable and safe for him.
You Are What You Eat
The vagina is an acidic organ that requires a healthy pH balance to remain in tip-top shape. If your partner doesn’t like the taste, consider adding and subtracting some things from your diet. Because the vagina is acidic, consider adding acidic foods such as pineapples, oranges and grapefruit to balance your pH levels. These foods will also add a bit of sweetness to the taste. Adding celery to your diet helps to reduce any bitter taste your partner might come across when he’s down there. Celery is also high in water and Vitamin C. If a smell is an issue, consider adding healthy probiotics to your diet such as yogurt to help maintain a natural body odor. Cranberries and 100 percent cranberry juice also aid in reducing odor as well as preventing urinary tract infections.
Avoiding foods such as fried and sugary foods, dairy, red meats and fish can also help keep your yoni in good shape. I know you may be thinking, “But I love __.” Well, I say everything in moderation. It is important for your partner to understand that you most likely won’t smell like a bed of roses down there, so he shouldn’t expect you to. But you should smell healthy and clean. Now tell him to man up and get to work.
Let’s be honest. There’s nothing more annoying than going down on your partner and getting a whiff of the rough day they had, or even worse, a mouth full of hair. Consider paying extra attention to personal hygiene. Poor hygiene leads to bad odors and a buildup of unpleasant residue. If 1970s bush floats your boat, by all means, do you, sista. But consider trimming loose hairs and giving your vagina hair a good deep condition. Some women prefer to leave a landing strip, and some are more comfortable with a fresh baldy. It is important to note that hair traps odor and other bacteria and dirt, so it’s okay if you have to spend a little more time in the shower to make the experience more pleasurable for you and your partner.
Playing It Safe
Too much of anything can be bad if you aren’t safe. While some may perceive oral sex as one of the safest forms of sex out there, you should also know that there are plenty of risk factors involved. The mouth can contain several microscopic cuts and bruises that can make you susceptible to STIs/STDs such as herpes, hepatitis, HPV as well as chlamydia. These infections can be passed orally. Just as encouraged with vaginal and anal sex, consider getting tested every six months or before you enter into a sexual relationship with a new partner that involves oral sex. If you find yourself uncertain of yourself or your partner, get tested first and consider using dental dams, which are a protective film placed over the vagina during oral sex.
It Takes Two To Tango
If both you and your partner find the foreplay of oral sex to be boring, try changing it up by experimenting with your moves. Positions such as doggy style, face-sitting, and spread eagle make for a better view and a pleasurable experience. Ask him to use a finger or two to add a little penetration to the fun. And if you’re feeling really adventurous, using toys and allowing him to explore what makes you squirm will make him more interested in what he’s doing. No one wants to sit and lick until their tongue is stiff, ladies, so help him help you.
The act of sex alone is a partnership. It’s give and take. So if he expects to receive and wants to hear no complaints from you about it, school him on giving.
Warning: This episode is anything but safe for work.
If you ever wanted to know how men really feel about us in bed, you will find all the answers right here. From critiques on not knowing how to stay in the moment to how — and why — they love hitting it from the back, we found out some very interesting things about Black men and their bedroom behaviors in this third episode of Ask a Black Man. There’s also the fact that fellas tend to feel more anxiety about putting it down when it comes to us as opposed to sisters on the other end of the color spectrum, if you know what we mean, despite the fact that they claim we have too many sexual hangups. Hmmmm. We don’t want to taint your opinion too much so watch and weigh in for yourself — and share with your girlfriends!
For all footage from season 2 of Ask a Black Man click here.
Music and television have always included sexual undertones and innuendos. However, Omarion’s hit song “Post To Be,” featuring Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko, and Nicki Minaj’s song “Truffle Butter,” which features Drake and Lil Wayne, take the cake!
In Omarion’s song, Jhene Aiko so beautifully sings and boasts to other women, and perhaps men, that it’s going to take a specific talent to make her give a man the time of day.
“If your dude come close to me
He gon’ want to ride off in a ghost with me (I’ll make him do it)
I might let your boy chauffeur me
But he got to eat the booty like groceries
But he gotta get rid of these hoes from me
I might have that ni**a sailing his soul for me
Ooh, that’s how it post to be
If he wants me to expose the freak”
In Nicki’s song, Drake and Lil Wayne take things a step further. Drake says, “I could probably make some step-sisters f*ck each other, Whoop! Talkin’ filets with the truffle butter,” while Wayne talks explicitly about “truffle butter on your pu**y.”
For those of you who don’t know, let me break it down for you: “Eating booty like groceries” refers to Anilingus or oral-anal sex. This is also known as tossing salad, rimming, or a rim shot.
In the case of Nicki Minaj’s song, “Truffle butter” is not referring to the gourmet butter that is created by infusing tiny pieces of truffles, a very rare and edible mushroom. Truffle butter is created when a man pulls his penis out of the anus and immediately inserts it into a woman’s vagina — without cleaning if off. During vaginal intercourse, a tan secretion is created as a result of orgasm. Secretion, or fluid, forms around the base of the penis as a result of going from anal to vaginal sex. It’s a mixture of waste, vaginal fluid, and semen. This is known as truffle butter.
I know what you’re thinking: Yuck! TMI! Right?
Well, now that you’re sitting there with a screw faced and totally grossed out, let me tell you the problem with eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter. Unfortunately, in our overly sexualized and under-educated society, many adolescents and even adults try to mimic the sexual behaviors that are being glamorized by music, media, and reality television. However, they do not understand all the implications and risks involved.
As I am sure you can probably imagine, there are many risks associated with anal play. For one, the anus is full of bacteria and intestinal parasites. After all, one of the essential functions of the anus is to eliminate waste. Not to mention, the lining of the anus is extremely thin, which makes it more susceptible to rips and tears during sex. This creates a portal of entry for bacteria and other diseases to go directly into the blood stream.
Additionally, the anus does not lubricate itself naturally. If you are not using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant, the lining will tear much easier, exposing the blood vessels and again creating a portal of entry for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), hepatitis, and other viral diseases.
Finally, recent studies suggest a correlation between Anilingus and oral sex, and oral and throat cancer as well as anal cancer. The correlation is linked to the transmission of genital HPV, the virus that has been implicated in most cervical cancers.
But if you insist on eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter, at least know how to protect yourself and lower the risk of transmission of infections. 1) Always use a latex, polyurethane, or polyisoprene condom when engaging in any anal play. 2) Never go from the anus to the vagina without washing off the penis or changing the condom. 3) Always use a dental dam for any oral-anal play. If you do not have a dental dam, you can cut a condom or a piece of plastic wrap and roll it out flat. 4) Use plenty of water-based or silicone-based lube to help reduce ripping and tearing of the lining of the anus. 5) Get to know your sex partner(s) very well. Make sure you know their HIV and STI status. Communicate and ask the right questions. Asking the right questions will also help to reduce your risk of contracting HIV or an STI.
While eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter, consider your risks and make an informed decision. And don’t say you haven’t been warned!
Live Inspired Feel Empowered!
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook at LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, or her Live Inspired Feel Empowered (L.I.F.E.) blog at www.drtamaragriffin.com.
“Great taste, less filling” is the mantra for those who advocate for swallowing semen. Nevertheless, it’s like talking, chewing gum and drinking water at the same time. For many people, it ain’t happenin’!
Before you Oooo, aaah, ugh and say how disguising it sounds, let’s take a look at what semen is. It’s a natural source of proteins, vitamins, minerals, natural sugars and nutrients. Healthy semen, mostly fructose (sugar) and proteins, doesn’t contain any harmful chemicals. Besides, if it’s mild enough for a vagina, it can’t be any harsher in the mouth or throat. According to a report from MSNBC, swallowing semen has been known to lower blood pressure, enhance moods, boost the immune system, and lessen acne. Some people even regard swallowing sperm as a spiritual, cultural, and social “norm.” Not to mention that swallowing can create an awesome visual effect that will blow your man’s mind. So, with all the great benefits of semen, how could one pass up on an opportunity to indulge in one of nature’s great wonders?
Well, most people don’t like the taste. So, in order to get you to try it, your man may have to sweeten the deal a little — literally! Men, entice your partner to partake in your manhood nectar by eating naturally sweetened fruits like pineapple, mango, strawberries, kiwi, etc. Blend these fruits into a nice delightful smoothie and drink it about an hour or so before receiving fellatio and that should do the trick! Your partner will notice and appreciate the change in the taste. Also, eating such mouthwatering fruits will not only make your semen taste a little sweeter but it will also give you a boost of vitamin C and other nutrients as well.
Also fellas, if you’re a drinker or smoker, you might want to cut back on the booze and lighten up on the smoking; these things will make you taste bitter. Acidic foods like broccoli and asparagus will leave a bitter taste in your partner’s month as well. While this is no excuse to skip out on your daily serving of vegetables, if you’re looking for a little head this evening then you may want to forgo the extra serving of greenery during dinner. If you want your partner to go down and enjoy, it’s a pretty simple equation: 2 much acidity+ 2 much substance use = bitter semen. Bitter semen = no blow job 4 you! You do the math!
If you still won’t swallow…
Okay! So, he’s eaten the fruit, cut back on the drinks and smoking and you’re still not having it. Well, it’s time to get creative and work together to cum up (pun intended) with some alternative. You need a visually stimulating way for you to get gradually comfortable with the notion of swallowing. Start by letting your partner ejaculate on your hand, breast, chest, chin, lips, etc. Another alternative to swallowing is catching semen in the month and then discreetly spitting it out into a small towel or letting it trickle down the sides of the mouth. (Having breath mints handy and popping one in the mouth immediately afterward will help with the taste as well.)
A side note for Everyone…
When giving head never gag or say “ugh” when the semen is in your mouth. Ladies, you know you wouldn’t want him doing the same to you if he got a taste of your vaginal fluids so try to be as considerate as possible. However, if it’s just that unbearable, excuse yourself and spit it out in another room.
At the end of the day (and before you pour out all your liquor, quit smoking and run out to Wal-Mart to purchase the #1 Smoothie machine), remember that the key to a successful BJ is communication. Talk with your mate or partner regarding your apprehension to swallow. Develop a “BJ” agreement — written or orally agreed upon — detailing the mutual dos and don’ts and make it something that both of you are comfortable with.
Keep in mind that a BJ can add a lot of spice to an otherwise boring sex life. But, more important than swallowing is the enthusiasm and enjoyment you put into blowing your partner’s mind. That’s what truly makes the difference between good and great head! To swallow or not to swallow is the question. The answer is totally up to the both of you!
Finally, guys, don’t get too offended if your partner won’t swallow your semen! Lead by example and show them how harmless it is and taste a nice BIG ol’ teaspoon of your own semen. Everybody say aaah!
DISCLAIMER: By no means am I promoting giving head to any and everybody! BJs are just an “extra” tool in your lover’s repertoire that you can pull out to “WOW” and share with that very special someone! And even if you’re in a committed relationship, make sure you know your partner’s HIV and STI status. This will help to keep the both of you safer by lowering your risk for HIV and other STIs.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, author, speaker and media personality with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
Think you’ve got your head game together? Think again. In the next episode of our “Breaking The Code” series, the fellas of MTV’s “Guy Code” reveal the worst things women can do when performing oral sex and we guarantee something will make you go hmm…
Check out the sneak peek of the next episode above and check back for the full chat on all things sex right here on Friday morning.
“Taking the train down town?” “Enjoying southern pleasures?” “Eating cake?” Whatever you call it, these are the celebrity men who love oral sex and doing all of the above.
All you have to do to know Lil’ Wayne’s views on going down is to turn on a track. He mentions eating the p-you-know-what in practically every song. That’s a lot of enthusiasm.
Men: you may think you have the easiest equipment to navigate, but women disagree! Even though we might make going down on you look effortless and natural to us, it’s not. In fact, there are a million things buzzing through our heads. Like this.
Oral sex tends to be right up there with well paying job when it comes to a man’s list of priorities, but “Married To Medicine’s” Dr. Simone Whitmore has an important piece of advice for women who are not too keen on going down on their man: it’s OK.
The OBGYN, and now reality star, surprised viewers when in season 2 of the Bravo series she told her castmates she rarely performs oral sex on her husband, and in an interview with Sister 2 Sister, Dr. Whitmore explained why her choice isn’t a death sentence for her relationship.
“The thing is, we are all different, and I’ve been married for 18 years. I love my husband; he still loves me. It’s important for women to know, whatever it is you feel comfortable with doing in the bedroom with your husband or not doing, it is okay. It is. It’s okay.”
If you’re mind immediately trailed to the thought, “what I won’t do another woman will,” kill it, Dr. Whitmore advised.
“The reality is, divorce is 50 percent in this country, and I know that there are women who are giving it to him uptown, downtown, sideways, flip it up, rub it, oh no, whose husbands or partners are still cheating on them. The most important message that I would tell any woman is look at you, work on you, love you and demand that he love you like you want to be loved and you can’t worry about the rest. No matter what you’re doing, even if you think you’re doing it all, there is another woman out there who’s willing to do more than you.”
Amen to that. It’s about time women were told to put their own desires and level of sexual comfort above a man’s. But do you think there are many husbands out there who’d be able to handle an oral-less marriage?
Sex: We all like to believe that there are signs that can guarantee that we’ll get some and the getting will be good. I thought sex stereotypes for most people died in their undergrad dorms, but apparently there are still fully functional adults that believe race and gender somehow place you at an advantage or disadvantage when it comes to what you’re working with in bed.
At one point or another, I’m sure you’ve overheard someone make some generalization on sex based on one or two experiences they’ve had, or more likely, what someone else has told them, but in all honesty they usually just don’t apply. Take a look at some common sex stereotypes people like to throw around that have no factual basis whatsoever: