All Articles Tagged "oral sex"
Warning: This episode is anything but safe for work.
If you ever wanted to know how men really feel about us in bed, you will find all the answers right here. From critiques on not knowing how to stay in the moment to how — and why — they love hitting it from the back, we found out some very interesting things about Black men and their bedroom behaviors in this third episode of Ask a Black Man. There’s also the fact that fellas tend to feel more anxiety about putting it down when it comes to us as opposed to sisters on the other end of the color spectrum, if you know what we mean, despite the fact that they claim we have too many sexual hangups. Hmmmm. We don’t want to taint your opinion too much so watch and weigh in for yourself — and share with your girlfriends!
For all footage from season 2 of Ask a Black Man click here.
Music and television have always included sexual undertones and innuendos. However, Omarion’s hit song “Post To Be,” featuring Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko, and Nicki Minaj’s song “Truffle Butter,” which features Drake and Lil Wayne, take the cake!
In Omarion’s song, Jhene Aiko so beautifully sings and boasts to other women, and perhaps men, that it’s going to take a specific talent to make her give a man the time of day.
“If your dude come close to me
He gon’ want to ride off in a ghost with me (I’ll make him do it)
I might let your boy chauffeur me
But he got to eat the booty like groceries
But he gotta get rid of these hoes from me
I might have that ni**a sailing his soul for me
Ooh, that’s how it post to be
If he wants me to expose the freak”
In Nicki’s song, Drake and Lil Wayne take things a step further. Drake says, “I could probably make some step-sisters f*ck each other, Whoop! Talkin’ filets with the truffle butter,” while Wayne talks explicitly about “truffle butter on your pu**y.”
For those of you who don’t know, let me break it down for you: “Eating booty like groceries” refers to Anilingus or oral-anal sex. This is also known as tossing salad, rimming, or a rim shot.
In the case of Nicki Minaj’s song, “Truffle butter” is not referring to the gourmet butter that is created by infusing tiny pieces of truffles, a very rare and edible mushroom. Truffle butter is created when a man pulls his penis out of the anus and immediately inserts it into a woman’s vagina — without cleaning if off. During vaginal intercourse, a tan secretion is created as a result of orgasm. Secretion, or fluid, forms around the base of the penis as a result of going from anal to vaginal sex. It’s a mixture of waste, vaginal fluid, and semen. This is known as truffle butter.
I know what you’re thinking: Yuck! TMI! Right?
Well, now that you’re sitting there with a screw faced and totally grossed out, let me tell you the problem with eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter. Unfortunately, in our overly sexualized and under-educated society, many adolescents and even adults try to mimic the sexual behaviors that are being glamorized by music, media, and reality television. However, they do not understand all the implications and risks involved.
As I am sure you can probably imagine, there are many risks associated with anal play. For one, the anus is full of bacteria and intestinal parasites. After all, one of the essential functions of the anus is to eliminate waste. Not to mention, the lining of the anus is extremely thin, which makes it more susceptible to rips and tears during sex. This creates a portal of entry for bacteria and other diseases to go directly into the blood stream.
Additionally, the anus does not lubricate itself naturally. If you are not using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant, the lining will tear much easier, exposing the blood vessels and again creating a portal of entry for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), hepatitis, and other viral diseases.
Finally, recent studies suggest a correlation between Anilingus and oral sex, and oral and throat cancer as well as anal cancer. The correlation is linked to the transmission of genital HPV, the virus that has been implicated in most cervical cancers.
But if you insist on eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter, at least know how to protect yourself and lower the risk of transmission of infections. 1) Always use a latex, polyurethane, or polyisoprene condom when engaging in any anal play. 2) Never go from the anus to the vagina without washing off the penis or changing the condom. 3) Always use a dental dam for any oral-anal play. If you do not have a dental dam, you can cut a condom or a piece of plastic wrap and roll it out flat. 4) Use plenty of water-based or silicone-based lube to help reduce ripping and tearing of the lining of the anus. 5) Get to know your sex partner(s) very well. Make sure you know their HIV and STI status. Communicate and ask the right questions. Asking the right questions will also help to reduce your risk of contracting HIV or an STI.
While eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter, consider your risks and make an informed decision. And don’t say you haven’t been warned!
Live Inspired Feel Empowered!
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook at LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, or her Live Inspired Feel Empowered (L.I.F.E.) blog at www.drtamaragriffin.com.
“Great taste, less filling” is the mantra for those who advocate for swallowing semen. Nevertheless, it’s like talking, chewing gum and drinking water at the same time. For many people, it ain’t happenin’!
Before you Oooo, aaah, ugh and say how disguising it sounds, let’s take a look at what semen is. It’s a natural source of proteins, vitamins, minerals, natural sugars and nutrients. Healthy semen, mostly fructose (sugar) and proteins, doesn’t contain any harmful chemicals. Besides, if it’s mild enough for a vagina, it can’t be any harsher in the mouth or throat. According to a report from MSNBC, swallowing semen has been known to lower blood pressure, enhance moods, boost the immune system, and lessen acne. Some people even regard swallowing sperm as a spiritual, cultural, and social “norm.” Not to mention that swallowing can create an awesome visual effect that will blow your man’s mind. So, with all the great benefits of semen, how could one pass up on an opportunity to indulge in one of nature’s great wonders?
Well, most people don’t like the taste. So, in order to get you to try it, your man may have to sweeten the deal a little — literally! Men, entice your partner to partake in your manhood nectar by eating naturally sweetened fruits like pineapple, mango, strawberries, kiwi, etc. Blend these fruits into a nice delightful smoothie and drink it about an hour or so before receiving fellatio and that should do the trick! Your partner will notice and appreciate the change in the taste. Also, eating such mouthwatering fruits will not only make your semen taste a little sweeter but it will also give you a boost of vitamin C and other nutrients as well.
Also fellas, if you’re a drinker or smoker, you might want to cut back on the booze and lighten up on the smoking; these things will make you taste bitter. Acidic foods like broccoli and asparagus will leave a bitter taste in your partner’s month as well. While this is no excuse to skip out on your daily serving of vegetables, if you’re looking for a little head this evening then you may want to forgo the extra serving of greenery during dinner. If you want your partner to go down and enjoy, it’s a pretty simple equation: 2 much acidity+ 2 much substance use = bitter semen. Bitter semen = no blow job 4 you! You do the math!
If you still won’t swallow…
Okay! So, he’s eaten the fruit, cut back on the drinks and smoking and you’re still not having it. Well, it’s time to get creative and work together to cum up (pun intended) with some alternative. You need a visually stimulating way for you to get gradually comfortable with the notion of swallowing. Start by letting your partner ejaculate on your hand, breast, chest, chin, lips, etc. Another alternative to swallowing is catching semen in the month and then discreetly spitting it out into a small towel or letting it trickle down the sides of the mouth. (Having breath mints handy and popping one in the mouth immediately afterward will help with the taste as well.)
A side note for Everyone…
When giving head never gag or say “ugh” when the semen is in your mouth. Ladies, you know you wouldn’t want him doing the same to you if he got a taste of your vaginal fluids so try to be as considerate as possible. However, if it’s just that unbearable, excuse yourself and spit it out in another room.
At the end of the day (and before you pour out all your liquor, quit smoking and run out to Wal-Mart to purchase the #1 Smoothie machine), remember that the key to a successful BJ is communication. Talk with your mate or partner regarding your apprehension to swallow. Develop a “BJ” agreement — written or orally agreed upon — detailing the mutual dos and don’ts and make it something that both of you are comfortable with.
Keep in mind that a BJ can add a lot of spice to an otherwise boring sex life. But, more important than swallowing is the enthusiasm and enjoyment you put into blowing your partner’s mind. That’s what truly makes the difference between good and great head! To swallow or not to swallow is the question. The answer is totally up to the both of you!
Finally, guys, don’t get too offended if your partner won’t swallow your semen! Lead by example and show them how harmless it is and taste a nice BIG ol’ teaspoon of your own semen. Everybody say aaah!
DISCLAIMER: By no means am I promoting giving head to any and everybody! BJs are just an “extra” tool in your lover’s repertoire that you can pull out to “WOW” and share with that very special someone! And even if you’re in a committed relationship, make sure you know your partner’s HIV and STI status. This will help to keep the both of you safer by lowering your risk for HIV and other STIs.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, author, speaker and media personality with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
Think you’ve got your head game together? Think again. In the next episode of our “Breaking The Code” series, the fellas of MTV’s “Guy Code” reveal the worst things women can do when performing oral sex and we guarantee something will make you go hmm…
Check out the sneak peek of the next episode above and check back for the full chat on all things sex right here on Friday morning.
“Taking the train down town?” “Enjoying southern pleasures?” “Eating cake?” Whatever you call it, these are the celebrity men who love oral sex and doing all of the above.
All you have to do to know Lil’ Wayne’s views on going down is to turn on a track. He mentions eating the p-you-know-what in practically every song. That’s a lot of enthusiasm.
Men: you may think you have the easiest equipment to navigate, but women disagree! Even though we might make going down on you look effortless and natural to us, it’s not. In fact, there are a million things buzzing through our heads. Like this.
Oral sex tends to be right up there with well paying job when it comes to a man’s list of priorities, but “Married To Medicine’s” Dr. Simone Whitmore has an important piece of advice for women who are not too keen on going down on their man: it’s OK.
The OBGYN, and now reality star, surprised viewers when in season 2 of the Bravo series she told her castmates she rarely performs oral sex on her husband, and in an interview with Sister 2 Sister, Dr. Whitmore explained why her choice isn’t a death sentence for her relationship.
“The thing is, we are all different, and I’ve been married for 18 years. I love my husband; he still loves me. It’s important for women to know, whatever it is you feel comfortable with doing in the bedroom with your husband or not doing, it is okay. It is. It’s okay.”
If you’re mind immediately trailed to the thought, “what I won’t do another woman will,” kill it, Dr. Whitmore advised.
“The reality is, divorce is 50 percent in this country, and I know that there are women who are giving it to him uptown, downtown, sideways, flip it up, rub it, oh no, whose husbands or partners are still cheating on them. The most important message that I would tell any woman is look at you, work on you, love you and demand that he love you like you want to be loved and you can’t worry about the rest. No matter what you’re doing, even if you think you’re doing it all, there is another woman out there who’s willing to do more than you.”
Amen to that. It’s about time women were told to put their own desires and level of sexual comfort above a man’s. But do you think there are many husbands out there who’d be able to handle an oral-less marriage?
Sex: We all like to believe that there are signs that can guarantee that we’ll get some and the getting will be good. I thought sex stereotypes for most people died in their undergrad dorms, but apparently there are still fully functional adults that believe race and gender somehow place you at an advantage or disadvantage when it comes to what you’re working with in bed.
At one point or another, I’m sure you’ve overheard someone make some generalization on sex based on one or two experiences they’ve had, or more likely, what someone else has told them, but in all honesty they usually just don’t apply. Take a look at some common sex stereotypes people like to throw around that have no factual basis whatsoever:
The other day, under the influence of a lot of alcohol and the high of knowing the work week was done for at least two days, a friend revealed to me that in a former relationship/fling she had done some pretty kinky things early on and excused it away by the fact that she’s a self-proclaimed “freak.” I couldn’t help but feel like some of the freaky favors she did for him should have been earned, which he clearly hadn’t in my opinion. In my experience, a woman who pulls all of her tricks out her hat within the first few sexual encounters can be scary for some men, and for others, it can be a good reason not to stay for the rest of the film when all of the good scenes are gone in the beginning.
The truth is, some of us truly are freaks while some of us just use the label as an excuse to desperately try to keep a man’s interest. If a man is only sticking around on the prospect of good sex, you may not want to be that involved with him anyway. Still, I don’t subscribe to the notion that the p-word is power. You can be swinging from the ceiling in a harness in nothing but pasties and a g-string and making a man speak in tongues during a sexual encounter, but if the first thing he is thinking about after he reaches his peak is the excuse he can use to haul a** out of there, any power you may have had is left behind on the bedroom floor.
So the next question is, what do people consider freaky? That answer is subjective; one woman’s n***le clamp is another woman’s soft-core fantasy. That is to say, everyone’s definition of “taboo” is different. I think it’s important to feel out your sexual chemistry with someone so you can get a sense of whether you have a 40-year-old virgin or a certified panty-wetter on your hands. Sometimes this happens naturally. You’ll date a guy and all night you’re tearing each other’s clothes off with your eyes, the conversation is heavy with sexual innuendo, and your sixth sense is telling you, in the words of Elle Varner, you’re going to need a soundproof room. Other times, you have to let the conversation flow naturally, and hopefully after a few weeks, when it comes time to talking risque, you’ll have a better sense of what you’re working with. Either way, you have to be careful not to do too much too fast. If you’re pulling out the camera phone wanting to get your first freak session on film, one of two things could happen: he’ll assume you do this with every guy, or he just might not be on your side of the freaky scale and he’ll go running for the hills. It’s easier said than done, because I know if I had a moment with J. Cole, I’d be pulling more tricks out of my magic bag than David Copperfield. However, there’s something to be said about the thrill of the chase. Unfortunately, many of us have lost sight of just how important building anticipation is. I feel like ever since the Lil’ Kim era, women have been trying shamelessly to prove how sexually empowered they are. We’re trying so hard to be the “cool” girlfriend who can have casual sex and not catch feelings that we forget how good it feels to be pursued and courted.
Sometimes you just want to feel good and it’s easy to lose control in the heat of the moment and find yourself doing things that you know you’d normally give the side-eye to. But if you’re pulling out your your best moves in bed before he’s even taken you to a movie, you have to consider what you both have to look forward to and the tone you may be setting for the relationship. I don’t knock people’s desire to have casual sex if they truly can handle it. Who knows? You may be in a situation where you only have Trey Songz for one night and you want to make it memorable. But if we’re talking about a man you could potentially want to be with, you may have to proceed with caution. You can only use the line, “I don’t normally do things like this,” so many times before it becomes a boldfaced lie.
So let’s address the idea of a man “earning” your inner freak. I said that you shouldn’t be looking at your sexuality as a bargaining chip and I meant it. But women should look at their bodies as temples and sexual experiences with you with all the bells and whistles shouldn’t be something that every man you meet has access to. It’s not as much about breaking a man down and making him beg for it as it is about giving the relationships some time to be about something more than what’s between your legs. If not for having some discretion, do it for health’s sake. High-risk activities like unprotected sex, an*l sex and the exchange of bodily fluids shouldn’t happen until you’ve made an effort to get to know more about a man than his favorite position, or at least until you’ve both been tested. Having some boundaries and standards about what you are willing to do and when increases the excitement and maintains a level of respect.
If you’re bypassing freaky to trifling, does it tarnish your “wifey” potential to a man you just met? Today’s men need to be given credit for being more sexually open-minded than we think. Fading are the days where they place freaks and sophisticated women they have respect for in two separate categories, at least in the bedroom. Most men are now open to the fact that the woman they love can be their private Adult Video star as well. What matters most is that whatever you choose to do with your body, you stay true to yourself. You shouldn’t be making the effort to do anything that makes you uncomfortable because you have a point to prove, are trying to impress, or don’t know how to say no. Good sex goes both ways and any man that has the least bit of respect for you won’t look at you differently because you weren’t down for a golden shower or letting his friend hit it too. Taking your time can help you tell the difference between if you are doing it because you’re truly into it, or because you’re afraid he will find someone else who is.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
You may remember that three years ago, actor Michael Douglas was diagnosed with throat cancer. And in a recent interview with UK”s The Guardian, the 68 year old revealed what caused the disease. Assuming that Douglas’ throat cancer was the result of years of smoking and drinking, he asked Douglas if he regretted those decisions. And in a very candid moment, Douglas said:
“No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from .”
Sound pretty specific to me.
Douglas went on to explain that before his diagnosis he had been experiencing discomfort in his mouth and throat. He had visited several specialists but all of them missed the tumor on the back of Douglas’ tongue. Eventually, he went to see a friend’s doctor in Montreal. He used a tongue depressor and saw the tumor.
Douglas recalls that day very well.
“I will always remember the look on his face. He said: ‘We need a biopsy.’ There was a walnut-size tumour at the base of my tongue that no other doctor had seen.”
After the biopsy, Douglas was diagnosed with stage four cancer, which, at the time, he believed would be fatal. Fortunately, Douglas started a rigorous eight week course of radiation and chemotherapy.
During his treatment his tongue was burnt and he lost 45 pounds.
“That’s a rough ride. That can really take it out of you. Plus the amount of chemo I was getting, it zaps all the good stuff too. It made me very weak.”
The treatment worked and Douglas has been cancer free for the past two years. He goes for check ups every 6 months but says this time of cancer doesn’t come back, 95 percent of the time.
Ironically, Douglas said:
“And if you have it, is also the best cure for it.”
Mahesh Kumar, a consultant head and neck surgeon in London, admitted that it has been established without a doubt that the strand called HPV 16 can absolutely cause oral cancer. But Kumar was skeptical that Douglas’ cancer was a result of HPV alone.
He also refuted Douglas’ claim that more could cure the disease.
“Maybe he thinks that more exposure to the virus will boost his immune system. But medically, that just doesn’t make sense.”
Well, well, well.
While, I’m glad that Douglas is coming clean about how he contracted this disease; (Everyone needs to understand the risks of certain sexual behaviors.) but this admission has just raised a few more questions. Where did you get this HPV? Douglas has been married to his wife, Catherine Zeta Jones for the past 13 years. Did she have it? Or was he out here in these streets? Questions, questions. Maybe that’s what he meant when he said he didn’t want to go into specifics.