All Articles Tagged "online dating"
I feel like it’s been a gazillion years since I’ve had a first date. Married for two years and together for 4, I can barely even remember who I went on a first date with long before my husband. What I do remember though. is that outside of giving or getting a last name and a phone number, I barely knew much about a potential boo unless I met him online. Even when I was online dating, I only made it a point to study what they wanted the world to know on their personal profiles. I didn’t look to see if they also had a Facebook or LinkedIn profile and I didn’t Google them. I wanted to get to know them as organically as possible.
But was I being a bit naïve? I have friends who say they Google all of their first dates and even guys they’ve been on a few dates with. They say they want to get to know as much about the guy as humanly possible to see if they’d be a good fit. Call me crazy, but nothing about that sounds romantic. It kinda sounds a bit stalker’ish. But that’s just me.
I understand that it’s hard not to look someone up online these days – especially when so much information is at our fingertips. And in this dangerous world, I can even see wanting to know if the guy you’re meeting for drinks Saturday night is a convicted felon or a registered sex offender. Googling someone because you want to make sure he has no outstanding warrants or convictions is one thing, but scanning through all of his vacation photos on Tumblr or looking through his friends’ list on Facebook is something completely different…and a bit creepy.
Besides, what will you talk about on your date if you already know everything about him because you’ve memorized all of the content from all of his social media profiles? You already know what he does for a living because you researched his resume on LinkedIn. You know he loves animals and plays the guitar because you saw pics of his cute labradoodle and him strumming a tune on Instagram. You’ve even managed to determine who his closest friends and family members are by how he groups them in his photo albums or by who he tags in his update statuses. What’s left to learn about him? And it’ll be kinda hard to pretend you don’t already know all this stuff about him as he reveals these things about himself. Talk about awkward.
Part of the magic of getting to know a new guy is the process of mutual discovery. I was always thrilled when I learned that we had the same love for a particular tv show or genre of music, and I believe you just can’t fake that reaction. In order for me to fall in love, I have to be in the moment. Learning too much about your potential date before the date even happens robs you both of the chemistry you might experience because there’s no mystery. And there’s less to discover, which takes the thrill out of dating.
My suggestion is to get the face-to-face dating underway and avoid the face-to-Facebook pre-screening. Once you discover that you’re not dating a serial killer, turn your computer off and allow things to flow naturally, not virtually. Too much information to early could kill any chance that you both have if you’re trying to determine if you’re compatible simply by checking things off a list of things you see on social media or information you’ve obtained by Google. Instead, focus on body language, his smile, sexual chemistry, rapport – all the things you can’t learn about someone from a computer screen.
In my experience, it usually doesn’t take longer than a first date with someone to know of there’s potential for more if you’re looking for a relationship. Twenty minutes into a conversation was enough for me to tell if there was a genuine connection and if there will be a second date. So take your time and stop Googling these guys. Hopefully they won’t have Googled you either and you both can get about the business of learning about each other the old school, pre-techy, “pre-dating” days. What you learn about someone online may be totally different from who they are in real life – so treat yourself to the genuine possibility of love at first sight, not love at first Google search.
All the single ladies (all the single ladies) (extra points if you sang that while reading it!), there is an epidemic that’s going on in the dating world. It’s not as hazardous as the bird flu, but can sneak up on you and catch you off guard if you’re not careful.
A friend and I first noticed it, and diagnosed it after she had a few confusing issues while online dating.
The symptoms are: potential partners who express the desire to grow their relationship with you, but don’t measure up to their promises. Highly educated people who are beginning to excel in their careers or studies, but still take a very immature approach when it comes to dating. The last one is when the person feels excited and think that they’re ready for a real commitment, but realize later that they weren’t fully prepared for the responsibility with handling someone’s cares and emotions adequately.
This epidemic tends to happen around the average age range of 21 to 33, and it can happen to people of both sexes. The name is “post-grad dating,” and I just want to keep you all updated on the seriousness of this annoying trend.
What brought us to this diagnosis? Well…
When you get older, but you’re still being brave enough to venture into the dating pool, your tastes might mature with you. The type of men that you were initially attracted to as a teenager might repulse and embarrass you now, and that’s what led my friend to online dating. Her idea of going into it was that instead of doing a hook-up site, she’ll go to a site that has a good reputation of matching people who are looking for the same things.
She wanted a relationship, and figured that a good place to find someone who wants one as well would be a site whose desires are to create relationships. However, with the different dates she went on, the men would express this desire of wanting to settle down, and they’d hold that facade for a good amount of time, and then revert to something that was just very reminiscent of the dating behaviors that college students exhibited.
Though I’m a little more apprehensive with dating, I had a head tilt moment with a guy I met at the library. My daughter and I are a part of different reading clubs, and when this guy struck up a conversation about books, I was thinking: “Okay. He seems all right.” But one day, while I was holding my daughter’s hand, he suggested that after I put my daughter to bed we could go to the liquor store, get some bottles and drink while watching movies. That made my internal turntable scratch to a halt extremely quickly.
I am a mother now, and what in the world do I look like, handing my daughter off to my mother to watch, while I go to some guy’s house and drink liquor in the middle of the week?! I don’t even think college-Kendra would have done that.
After nicely declining and a vent session of: “Girl, can you believe him?!” my friend and I realized that this was a transition period of dating for some people. They might feel too old to still be single, but their minds and behaviors are still relatively immature.
They’re not bad people, they’re just not prepared for the realities of inviting another person into their lives.
Now, there isn’t a cure for this, but there are ways that you can secure yourself against it.
First, pay attention to not only the words they say, but the actions as well. Maturity can be easily summed up with the ability to do the things that you promise, and someone who is flinging empty promises around might not be up to the standards that you have for your potential dating life.
Second, don’t compromise your emotional standards. If you have an idea about how you deserve to be treated, and someone isn’t adhering to them, don’t second guess yourself. You have those standards for a reason, and you deserve to be treated the way you would like to.
Finally, don’t play games. You know who play games? Children. So if two adults are engaging in child-like behaviors while they’re dating, then you’re going to just continue to perpetuate the cycle of “Post-Grad Dating.”
Now that you know, go out into the world, wiser, and more alert to the inner workings of the dating world. Try to keep yourself safe, and remember, symptoms can appear before it becomes more serious, so stay vigilant my friends.
You’re online looking for love, but plenty of people are on there looking for something else (like your address and credit card information). It’s frustrating that you have to watch your back when you’re also trying to be emotionally open, but it’s a reality of online dating. Here are ways you might be at risk while trying your hand at online dating.
Thanks to modern technology there are so many ways to find love. If you don’t run into “the one” at the grocery store, there’s always the internet.
Online dating has definitely become popular over the years with more folks looking to make their virtual search a romantic reality. Should you be interested in giving it a try, here are a few things to consider.
Kenya Moore isn’t the only celebrity having no luck with matchmaking. These stars said that when they tried to seek help to find Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, things went horribly left for them.
Analog Girl Dating Digitally: I Tried OkCupid, Tinder, And ChristianMingle And The Results Weren’t Pretty
After a year of being single, I figured it was time for me to get back out there and try dating again, but honestly, I did not know where to begin. It has been a while since I worked on building with someone in terms of dating. My last relationship began when I was 17 and ended when I was 23. Dating was a lot different for teenagers back in the early 2000s and was still a little more traditional. We did not have access to all the social media sites and mobile apps that we do now. Long story short, all these years later, I decided to try something different. I like to try anything at least once, and since I spend much of my time online, I figured, why not online dating?
What’s your sign? Do you have a preference for a race? What is your annual income? Hobbies? Describe your perfect date. Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you do drugs? Have children? Want children?
Those were just a few of the many questions I had to answer when I created an account on OkCupid. I answered each question as honestly as I could, and I was matched with more than 200 “suitors” based on my answers. As I swiped left and right, I was not impressed with what I got. I “met” a couple people who were interesting at first, but that quickly faded.
So I got hip to the Tinder trend and found that most of the guys were only interested in women who were DTF (down to f**k). I was disgusted by most and found myself wasting hours swiping left. Then I realized no one gets on Tinder looking for love. What the hell was I was I doing?Most of the people in the Tinder crowd are just looking for quick and unattached dates that lead to random hookups. That was not my scene.
I needed someone whom I could spiritually connect with, someone whom I could carry on an interesting conversation with. So of course, I went to Christian Mingle where I met people with usernames like BoazLookingforRuth14 or LookingForMySecondCord35 (not even kidding). Despite the biblical monikers, I was disappointed to find that most of the men were no different from the ones on OkCupid or Tinder, despite the “Christian” angle. I did get the occasional churchy dude who was too much for my blood, as well as the Sunday Only saints. All in all, I was not too intrigued.
Not long after setting up these different profiles and trying to give this new way of dating a chance, I found myself completely over it.
You spend hours filling out these profiles, answering so many questions about your personal business in the hopes of meeting the right person. Or, if you are lucky, at least meeting people who will hold your interest long enough to consider even meeting them in person, but in my case, you find nothing satisfying. Where was the love at first “meet”? Where was the instant chemistry from those Match.com commercials? The cheesy smiles and flattering pick-up lines? I realized that online dating doesn’t work for most of the same reasons that traditional dating doesn’t, and that’s because there is a lack of time to really evaluate what it is we are looking for. Are you looking for something that could potentially be long-term or just a fling? I came to the conclusion that what I was looking for wasn’t going to exist in my world via the web. I did not want everything laid out for me in a series of 1,000 questions. There was no excitement in getting to know someone if you already had all the answers to them. There was also the paranoia of getting catfished. I mean, think about it, you can be anybody you want to be on the web.
I began to miss and even prefer the mystery of being approached by a complete stranger whom I found attractive. I missed the few moments of discernment I had to use to decide whether or not I would give him my number. I missed planning dates rather than spending months talking online or on the phone, but never “seeing” each other. I missed the assurance of knowing I am giving my phone number to a genuine person rather than someone I barely know who I’ll end up curving eventually. I am an analog girl when it comes to finding love, so online dating is not really for me. However, in this new age, there are ways to build a solid profile that could still attract some genuine people. It involves the same honesty you should have when meeting someone face to face. It involves the things I did not get from the fellas I encountered online…
You can start by being upfront with what you are seeking. This allows those who are looking for similar things to message you while those looking for something entirely different can easily skip over you. Be specific when answering questions. If the question asks what your favorite hobbies are, share a memory. Be consistent when engaging someone. Don’t log on once, have a good conversation with someone and then fail to log in again for a few weeks or even another month. This is the quickest way for someone to lose interest. Also, please, take advantage of spell check. Use proper grammar. I know we all make mistakes, but if he or she is saying, “U is beautiful” or their introduction to you is “What’s gud ma.” then just take that as a red flag and keep it moving. Also, keep your answers short and sweet and straight to the point. No one wants to sit and read a profile that looks like a graduate thesis. People tend to be more visual when it comes to online reading, so don’t forget to make sure that your pictures are presentable, clear, and show your fun personality (if you have one).
Online dating is tricky, and for me, a little too impersonal. However, I know that some have had luck meeting a special someone through such means. What has your experience been if you’ve tried it?
Okay, story time.
Last weekend, I was hanging out with a group of my friends, discussing love and relationships, when my male friend brought up a new interesting dating technique. He told us gorgeous ladies, that in order to get a man’s attitude online, aka Instagram, we needed to like a bunch of pictures of his all at once.
He stated, “Like 3 or 4 of his pictures and wait for him to like a couple of your pictures back. After he does this, like a few more and I bet you there will be a dm in your inbox by the end of the day.” Of course, in true female fashion, we PROTESTED the idea.
“Oh no, I’ll look thirsty,” yelled one of my friends. However, I was silent. I was going to try it. My dating life is honestly — DRY AS HELL!Why not?
So, what did I do this past week? I liked a few pictures and guest what happened! I ended up with a DM in my inbox. Now, for most of the ladies screaming, “oh no girl, you’re thirsty.” Just because I liked a few pictures, doesn’t mean, I don’t respect myself.
Our conversation and first date wasn’t super awkward or strange. At the end of the night, he knew I wasn’t going home with him and I went to bed happy I gave it a try. There’s nothing to lose in trying ladies.
Now, I know I’m not alone. Has anyone else tried this method? I nicknamed it “Liking For Love.”
If you’re afraid that by now Tinder has just been overrun by married people looking for side action, Catfish and creeps A) You’re right and B) You need another website. How about 15? Here are 15 apps like Tinder that are free — even if you are over 30.
The catfishing, the Photoshopped profile pics and the editorial liberties that take place on online dating profiles are just the beginning; here are 15 shocking facts about online dating.
With the influx of online dating sites and apps available to singles, meeting someone has become (seemingly) easier than ever. Although dating sites and apps are getting more and more users to use their platforms to find love each year, the statistics behind single African-American women successfully meeting and finding someone online are still grim compared to other women. According to Quartz, data compiled from Facebook’s dating app Are You Interested found Black men and women receive the lowest response rates on many online dating sites than any other race.
Although the research provides a grim reality for the up to 70 percent of professional Black women who are single, dating apps like MELD are working to combat these statistics with a curated platform specifically for black professionals looking for love.
Raissa Tona and Wale Ayeni, the co-founders of MELD, saw the market for a platform for Black professionals to meet and match online a year ago, and have grown since their app launched for iOS six months ago.
“The black professional market [on dating sites and apps] is underserved. There are plenty of dating apps out there that serve a bunch of different segments, but none are catering to the black professional,” says Ayeni. “The premise of MELD is that we are creating a platform for black professionals to date and to mingle and to provide an avenue where you can find like-minded people.”
With Valentine’s Day approaching, MadameNoire spoke with the co-founders of MELD to discuss their dating app, the stigma of online dating in the Black community and how you can snag a date this Valentine’s Day weekend.
MadameNoire: What have you experienced so far from African-American professionals on MELD?
Raissa Tona: I think we are still educating. Even on MELD, we have female [users] who will email us and thank us for creating the app and have met someone they are dating from the app, but don’t want anyone to know publicly. I don’t think we are at the point where we have removed that stigma completely. I think it’s changing, but it hasn’t changed to where it is as acceptable as it is in some other communities.
Wale Ayeni: We have gotten a lot of users on MELD who has never been on a dating site before. We designed the app in such a way that it is welcoming and not intrusive.
MN: Do you see more of that acceptance to meet someone on dating apps and sites with African-American men or women?
WA: I think it’s about 60/40, 40 percent male and 60 percent female, which matches the professional demographic out there.
MN: What are some tips you have for Black professionals looking for love online for the first time?
RT: I would tell people that there’s no reason why you should be single and not doing something about it in 2015. If you are single and want to connect with other Black professionals, MELD is there.
But there is no reason you should be sitting home alone on Valentine’s Day, especially as a professional. As a professional, you are going to work and probably doing some type of networking or hitting the gym or doing your side hustle. So why not use a tool to make [dating] more efficient? And we are not saying that the only place you can meet people is online. You should go out and meet people and have conversations.
[Finally,] one of the things that we tell people is to be honest. A lot of people don’t put up pictures that represent themselves.
MN: What are some innovative ways Black singles can put themselves out there to date or just have fun this Valentine’s Day weekend?
RT: Develop interests that are outside of your profession. [MELD] allows users to have more than five pictures, and in those five pictures, our goal is for users to represent themselves and their interests in those five pictures. So, if you like to travel, make sure one of those pictures is a travel picture. If you like to cook, you should display that. People are very visual, and they like to know that there is more to you.
Also, conversation through online and texts can be interpreted a certain way, so pick-up lines that don’t work in the normal world don’t work online. Maybe start the conversation, when reaching out to a person for the first time, with mentioning something about one of their five pictures. You’ll probably stand out to people who have probably reached out to them. So, say something that is unique and not contrived.
You can find more about the MELD app by following them on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, or download the app for free on iTunes. Download and join MELD to attend one of the three Valentine’s Day events that are hosting exclusively for their users in Washington D.C., Houston and San Francisco this coming weekend.