All Articles Tagged "online dating"
Maybe you’ve been married, or in a long-term relationship, or too busy doing volunteer work in a third world country to date for a few years. If you haven’t dated in a while, and jump back into it, there are a few things you should know (partially so you’re not offended by your first date!)
The rate of interracial marriages in the U.S. has doubled in the past 30 years, but according to online dating habits, Americans are still racially polarized when it comes to dating people of different races.
University of California at San Diego sociologist Kevin Lewis analyzed messages sent by more than 126,000 OkCupid users over a two-and-a-half month period in order to examine how racial prejudice affects romantic decisions. Including heterosexual interactions between users who self-identified with the site’s five largest racial categories (Black, White, East Asian, Hispanic/Latino and Indian), he found that people from all racial backgrounds disproportionately contacted users from the same racial background.
But here’s an interesting twist, people were more open to reply to a user of a different race than they were to initiate the contact. “And right after they did so, for about a week, they were more likely to start a conversation with someone of another race,” reports Popular Science.
OkCupid has been looking at the issue since 2009 when, on its OkTrends blog, it detailed the prevalence of racial prejudice on its own service. White males get the most responses to their messages of any other group, and white, Asian and Hispanic women reply to non-white men less than a quarter of the time, according to the site’s own data.
Most recently, Lewis found similar trends: “Most men (except black men) are unlikely to initiate contact with black women, all men (including Asian men) are unlikely to reply to Asian women, and although women from all racial backgrounds tend to initiate contact with men from the same background, women from all racial backgrounds also disproportionately reply to white men.”
According to Lewis, one factor in online dating’s racial segregation could be what he calls preemptive discrimination.
“In other words, part of the reason site users, and especially minority site users, do not express interest in individuals from a different racial background is because they anticipate — based on a lifetime of experiences with racism — that individuals from a different background will not be interested in them,” he said.
And, this could be why people are more apt to reply to users of another race than message them first. Obviously the person is interested in them if they receive a message.
Salary, height, weight, age and even marital status are all things you know people lie about on their online dating profile. But there are some lies that are a little less obvious, even when you’re the one telling them.
Online dating has really expanded over the years. If you’re only messing with BlackPeopleMeet.com or OkCupid, you probably weren’t aware that other forms of niche dating are on the up and up online. From farmers looking for love, to married folks looking to date (aka, stray), here are a few of the most interesting, or odd, dating websites out right now.
It seems everyone is moving towards the new age of dating which is primarily driven by technology. I’ve long thought this is a good idea because not everybody communicates their best face-to-face, and sometimes the traditional route isn’t the most convenient. However, are Black men taking advantage of dating online? I think so. It’s probably not at the same rate as, or higher than, Black women or white men/women, but they are definitely choosing to date online. It’s a matter of needs. In most major cities in America, Black men are outnumbered by Black women. They don’t have any issues finding women to date. (Quality women? That may be an issue, but quantity, nope.) Therefore, when you talk to Black men, like myself, about dating online they typically respond, “I don’t do it; I mean I can see why someone would, but I don’t see the need.”
But… before we get too far let’s remember one thing: men typically frequent places that women frequent. This means that, of course, Black men are dating online. It probably seems like they’re less doing it than women but that’s a reflection of the population, online or offline, there’s more women than men.
For the men who aren’t into this new dating trend, they’re likely not inclined to want to date online because it levels the playing field almost completely. That’s the reason why I recommend online dating to some women. It’s a platform in which you can completely dictate the pace and the objective. If your goal is to date with the intent on finding a relationship, marriage, or just something serious online, dating can eliminate or reduce the chances that you end up with someone who just wants sex or nothing serious at all.
I’ll be honest with you, that doesn’t sound like a game a man wants to play. He wants to be able to have his options, his cake, and he wants to eat it too. Men like when they can be reserved and withhold making a firm decision until the latest moment. You’ll very rarely find a man who is inclined to meet a woman and immediately conclude he wants something serious with said woman. Therefore, men like to meet women out and about rather than on the Internet. (As a side note, I also think men need to be encouraged by other men, which leads to them want to approach women in public, but that’s just me.)
Yes, for the most part, online dating can seem like the last thing a man wants to do, but there are some who are choosing this route. I have guys who have told me they prefer online dating too. Think about a guy who doesn’t have a lot of time to spend in the club or at happy hour. Also, think about a guy who is very skeptical of the women he meets and their intentions. I think you get the idea of the type of guy I’m speaking about. He’s the type of guy who does online dating because it saves him time and worry. As the number of successful men rises, I would assume the number will increase on online dating platforms too.
To wrap this up, I’m a big fan of everyone being happy. If women are upset that there aren’t more Black men dating online, that’s their God given right to elect not to do it. If some men are wondering if this is something they should explore because of pressure from Black women, don’t do it. Only do things that make you happy, not someone else.
News, sports, music, contests, blogs and…love? There are countless stories of people gaining notoriety, access to celebrities, and even job opportunities from Twitter, so is it possible that there is love out there too. Is Twitter a dating site?
The short answer is yes – Twitter is a dating site… or rather it can be. Think about it! You can spend hours, days, weeks, and even years interacting with followers on topics from reality TV to the government shut down to cold vs warm ketchup (yes, this is an actual debate some days). You laugh at jokes, follow people through tough times, and even form real bonds over your love of “Breaking Bad.”
Unlike other dating sites that compile your personality profile based on science and questionnaires, Twitter is a bit more organic. Your personality profile is a compilation of your thoughts (tweets), bio, and what you choose to ReTweet and who you choose to interact with. If someone is using their Twitter as a personal outlet for their thoughts and bits and pieces of their life, you can truly get to know someone’s interests, likes/ dislikes, and some of their personality over time. Tweets turn into direct messages, texts, and possibly a first date! From personal experience and the experience of others, there is success in Twitter dating. There’s some good and bad but that applies to dating in general not just the means in which you met the person. Although Twitter is a snapshot of someone’s life, if you find yourself attracted to that snapshot, you might as well try to get to know the whole person.
So how can you use Twitter as a dating site?
Say you meet someone in a bar, a grocery store line, or through a friend. You’ll chat for a bit through text or maybe a phone call to discover their likes, dislikes, and if there is any chemistry. You meet, chat, and meet again once mutual interest is established. That’s just about how Twitter works as a dating site.
You follow someone, hopefully they follow you back, and you spend some time reading their inner thoughts and finding out their interests. Suddenly you are LOL-ing for real at their tweets and a few direct messages (private messages that can only be seen by the two involved parties) and hey…this person has sparked your interest. Unlike the person you met at random in the grocery store line, you get a chance to see how this person interacts with others, what jokes they find funny, articles that spark their interest, and any hints of la-crazy before you decide to take it to direct messages, texts, or meeting in person.
However, like all dating sites, there is always the possibility that the person on the other end of the timeline is not being authentic.
Discretion is key. Although you can’t assume everyone is out to deceive you like some sort of dating boogie man, you can’t give those 140 characters the full benefit of the doubt. Approach this situation, like any, with caution and using your best judgment. Don’t let your guard down too quickly.
Is the person on the other end of the timeline authentic? Or is this a collection of the figments of their imagination (see: “Catfish”)? Use your discretion and caution. Anyone you meet can present themselves as a totally different person than who they actually are so that concern isn’t just limited to Twitter meet ups. If you choose to meet offline, do so in public and ask the same questions you would to any random person that you met and decided to invite to coffee. Take a smart-risk and see if love blooms!
Your new relationship could be one tweet away. In the new age of dating, you really have to throw yourself out there sometimes in an unconventional way to yield new results. If your dating pool has dried up, it can’t hurt to chat and get to know someone a bit better on your timeline. Just employ some discretion, safety, and good ole fashion common sense and you never know what kind of new friends or potential love you’ll meet one click away.
Have you found love on Twitter? Are you open to accepting dates from one of your followers? Why or why not? Comment below!
Dee Rene is the writer and creator of Laugh.Cry.Cuss., a faith based blog that finds valuable lessons in pop culture and every day life. She is based in NYC. You can follow her or the blog on twitter @deerene_lcc @laughcrycuss or visit the site at http://laughcrycuss.com.
Not having any luck with online dating? It’s not you; it’s your profile. Small, unintentional missteps on your profile, like outdated photos or poor word choice, can have big consequences. The good news: These mistakes are easy to fix. Read on for nine ways to keep your online profile from turning men off.
1. Good photos are your top priority.
We all want the complete package — an attractive partner with a great personality. But, let’s be real, men and women on online dating sites look at photos first. So you want you be ready for your close-up, and we do mean close-up. Shots that are taken from a distance or out of focus raise red flags, as do pictures that only show your face (or one side of it) or appear outdated. YourTango Expert Ronnie Ann Ryan, a dating coach for women, recommends posting three to five that show both your face and body. “This is your profile, so you should be alone,” she says. “You’d be surprised how many women post photos with children, pets, groups of friends, or even another man.” Smile and wear a date-appropriate outfit.
2. Keep your profile short and sweet.
Your online dating profile is not the place to start drafting your memoir or an op-ed. Men should be able to look at your pictures, read a few thoughtful and grammatical sentences, and decide if they want to message you. Aim for 300 words or fewer.
3. Show, don’t tell.
Your English teacher was right: specific details bring writing to life. They also make you stand out from the pack. Instead of writing something generic like, “I enjoy working out, traveling, and spending time with friends,” give juicier details. What sports do you like specifically? What’s the best trip you’ve ever taken? What do you and your friends do together? “Details provide conversation starters,” Ryan says. “Interesting profiles attract interesting people.”
Read more at YourTango.com
It was heartbreak and cruelty on the latest episode of “Catfish: The TV Show” when 18-year-old Aaliyah finally met her online love of the past 10 months. For nearly a year, she’d been in a relationship with Alicia, who only lived 70 blocks away. But the two had never met.
Over the course of their relationship, Aaliyah had sent Alicia a total of $600, plus an iPhone. She also paid for the phone’s service, despite the fact that Aaliyah was struggling financially herself. So Nev Schulman and Max Joseph did what they do and discovered that at least Alicia was who she said she was. She just wasn’t in love with Aaliyah. She wasn’t even a lesbian.
“All I have to say, girl, is if I wanted to meet you, we stay in the same city! I would’ve made that happen,” Alicia told Aaliyah. She admitted that it had all been a con to get money out of Aaliyah. When Aaliyah was struggling to understand what she was hearing, Alicia started laughing in her face. “Oh my God,” she said. “It was a lie. What?”
“Do you know you ruined my life?” Aaliyah asked, but Alicia only laughed harder. After that, Aaliyah broke down in tears while Alicia continued to laugh.
Read more at BlackVoices.com
If you’re looking for love there is a new online dating site that will help you find it. The soon-to-launch website iloveblackwomen.net is exclusively for black women and those wanting to date them.
According to a press release (via Digital Journal), the site focuses on matching black women with men of all ethnicities who are specifically interested in dating them. The site will allow only black women to join but black, white, Latino, Asian men and even other women can join the site if they want to date black women.
Anthony Robinson created iloveblackwomen.net, he says, because black women are the most ignored group on dating sites. Even when they join other dating sites, men seldom engage with black women, citing data from a study titled “How Your Race Affects the Messages You Get” done by the dating site OKCupid.
“This frustrated me a lot; black women pay upwards of $60 per month on dating sites but get ignored the most according to the OKCupid study. These sites will take black women’s money but are terrible at finding them love,” said Robinson.
If you are looking for love, there are also other sites that cater to African Americans. Black Singles, run by the Spark Networks (one of the largest networks of dating sites) claims to have more than 1,000 new members joining daily. Afro Introductions is part of the Cupid Media network of sites, and focuses on African-American hookups. Soul Singles, meanwhile, attracts African-American, Haitian, Jamaican and interracial singles. It is more expensive to join than some other sites, but it seems to be fairly popular.
As a professional Matchmaker, one of the most challenging things I have to deal with in my job today is online dating. Sadly, this practice only focuses on pictures of potential candidates; the dating scene has become very visual. I really try not show pictures of clients, unless it is an absolute must.
Why do I follow this policy? I have never met anyone (except models) who looks better in a photo than they do in real life. Why am I really successful at my job? It could be my sales, PR and marketing background that helps me promote my client as a total package. Because that’s what we are: complete people, with a lot more to love than a great smile or nice eyes.
Being physically attracted to your partner is important, but if you base attraction solely on a pretty picture, you are probably not going to be able to come “out of the box.” In the dating world, this means coming outside of your comfort zone. Men tend to focus more on a specific type of look in their search for a partner, while women often pursue the perfect whole package or bigger picture. That is why there are so many single women! It isn’t until they realize that the “perfect” man doesn’t exist that they are able to open their mind, expand their options and find love. I have even been able to fix up couples with the complete opposite of what they originally wanted. Why, you ask? Before I sign on potential clients, I conduct a consulting interview. At that time, I suggest they make a few changes to their wish list and be more realistic about their potential partner.
Read more at YourTango.com