All Articles Tagged "online dating"
Analog Girl Dating Digitally: I Tried OkCupid, Tinder, And ChristianMingle And The Results Weren’t Pretty
After a year of being single, I figured it was time for me to get back out there and try dating again, but honestly, I did not know where to begin. It has been a while since I worked on building with someone in terms of dating. My last relationship began when I was 17 and ended when I was 23. Dating was a lot different for teenagers back in the early 2000s and was still a little more traditional. We did not have access to all the social media sites and mobile apps that we do now. Long story short, all these years later, I decided to try something different. I like to try anything at least once, and since I spend much of my time online, I figured, why not online dating?
What’s your sign? Do you have a preference for a race? What is your annual income? Hobbies? Describe your perfect date. Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you do drugs? Have children? Want children?
Those were just a few of the many questions I had to answer when I created an account on OkCupid. I answered each question as honestly as I could, and I was matched with more than 200 “suitors” based on my answers. As I swiped left and right, I was not impressed with what I got. I “met” a couple people who were interesting at first, but that quickly faded.
So I got hip to the Tinder trend and found that most of the guys were only interested in women who were DTF (down to f**k). I was disgusted by most and found myself wasting hours swiping left. Then I realized no one gets on Tinder looking for love. What the hell was I was I doing?Most of the people in the Tinder crowd are just looking for quick and unattached dates that lead to random hookups. That was not my scene.
I needed someone whom I could spiritually connect with, someone whom I could carry on an interesting conversation with. So of course, I went to Christian Mingle where I met people with usernames like BoazLookingforRuth14 or LookingForMySecondCord35 (not even kidding). Despite the biblical monikers, I was disappointed to find that most of the men were no different from the ones on OkCupid or Tinder, despite the “Christian” angle. I did get the occasional churchy dude who was too much for my blood, as well as the Sunday Only saints. All in all, I was not too intrigued.
Not long after setting up these different profiles and trying to give this new way of dating a chance, I found myself completely over it.
You spend hours filling out these profiles, answering so many questions about your personal business in the hopes of meeting the right person. Or, if you are lucky, at least meeting people who will hold your interest long enough to consider even meeting them in person, but in my case, you find nothing satisfying. Where was the love at first “meet”? Where was the instant chemistry from those Match.com commercials? The cheesy smiles and flattering pick-up lines? I realized that online dating doesn’t work for most of the same reasons that traditional dating doesn’t, and that’s because there is a lack of time to really evaluate what it is we are looking for. Are you looking for something that could potentially be long-term or just a fling? I came to the conclusion that what I was looking for wasn’t going to exist in my world via the web. I did not want everything laid out for me in a series of 1,000 questions. There was no excitement in getting to know someone if you already had all the answers to them. There was also the paranoia of getting catfished. I mean, think about it, you can be anybody you want to be on the web.
I began to miss and even prefer the mystery of being approached by a complete stranger whom I found attractive. I missed the few moments of discernment I had to use to decide whether or not I would give him my number. I missed planning dates rather than spending months talking online or on the phone, but never “seeing” each other. I missed the assurance of knowing I am giving my phone number to a genuine person rather than someone I barely know who I’ll end up curving eventually. I am an analog girl when it comes to finding love, so online dating is not really for me. However, in this new age, there are ways to build a solid profile that could still attract some genuine people. It involves the same honesty you should have when meeting someone face to face. It involves the things I did not get from the fellas I encountered online…
You can start by being upfront with what you are seeking. This allows those who are looking for similar things to message you while those looking for something entirely different can easily skip over you. Be specific when answering questions. If the question asks what your favorite hobbies are, share a memory. Be consistent when engaging someone. Don’t log on once, have a good conversation with someone and then fail to log in again for a few weeks or even another month. This is the quickest way for someone to lose interest. Also, please, take advantage of spell check. Use proper grammar. I know we all make mistakes, but if he or she is saying, “U is beautiful” or their introduction to you is “What’s gud ma.” then just take that as a red flag and keep it moving. Also, keep your answers short and sweet and straight to the point. No one wants to sit and read a profile that looks like a graduate thesis. People tend to be more visual when it comes to online reading, so don’t forget to make sure that your pictures are presentable, clear, and show your fun personality (if you have one).
Online dating is tricky, and for me, a little too impersonal. However, I know that some have had luck meeting a special someone through such means. What has your experience been if you’ve tried it?
Okay, story time.
Last weekend, I was hanging out with a group of my friends, discussing love and relationships, when my male friend brought up a new interesting dating technique. He told us gorgeous ladies, that in order to get a man’s attitude online, aka Instagram, we needed to like a bunch of pictures of his all at once.
He stated, “Like 3 or 4 of his pictures and wait for him to like a couple of your pictures back. After he does this, like a few more and I bet you there will be a dm in your inbox by the end of the day.” Of course, in true female fashion, we PROTESTED the idea.
“Oh no, I’ll look thirsty,” yelled one of my friends. However, I was silent. I was going to try it. My dating life is honestly — DRY AS HELL!Why not?
So, what did I do this past week? I liked a few pictures and guest what happened! I ended up with a DM in my inbox. Now, for most of the ladies screaming, “oh no girl, you’re thirsty.” Just because I liked a few pictures, doesn’t mean, I don’t respect myself.
Our conversation and first date wasn’t super awkward or strange. At the end of the night, he knew I wasn’t going home with him and I went to bed happy I gave it a try. There’s nothing to lose in trying ladies.
Now, I know I’m not alone. Has anyone else tried this method? I nicknamed it “Liking For Love.”
If you’re afraid that by now Tinder has just been overrun by married people looking for side action, Catfish and creeps A) You’re right and B) You need another website. How about 15? Here are 15 apps like Tinder that are free — even if you are over 30.
The catfishing, the Photoshopped profile pics and the editorial liberties that take place on online dating profiles are just the beginning; here are 15 shocking facts about online dating.
With the influx of online dating sites and apps available to singles, meeting someone has become (seemingly) easier than ever. Although dating sites and apps are getting more and more users to use their platforms to find love each year, the statistics behind single African-American women successfully meeting and finding someone online are still grim compared to other women. According to Quartz, data compiled from Facebook’s dating app Are You Interested found Black men and women receive the lowest response rates on many online dating sites than any other race.
Although the research provides a grim reality for the up to 70 percent of professional Black women who are single, dating apps like MELD are working to combat these statistics with a curated platform specifically for black professionals looking for love.
Raissa Tona and Wale Ayeni, the co-founders of MELD, saw the market for a platform for Black professionals to meet and match online a year ago, and have grown since their app launched for iOS six months ago.
“The black professional market [on dating sites and apps] is underserved. There are plenty of dating apps out there that serve a bunch of different segments, but none are catering to the black professional,” says Ayeni. “The premise of MELD is that we are creating a platform for black professionals to date and to mingle and to provide an avenue where you can find like-minded people.”
With Valentine’s Day approaching, MadameNoire spoke with the co-founders of MELD to discuss their dating app, the stigma of online dating in the Black community and how you can snag a date this Valentine’s Day weekend.
MadameNoire: What have you experienced so far from African-American professionals on MELD?
Raissa Tona: I think we are still educating. Even on MELD, we have female [users] who will email us and thank us for creating the app and have met someone they are dating from the app, but don’t want anyone to know publicly. I don’t think we are at the point where we have removed that stigma completely. I think it’s changing, but it hasn’t changed to where it is as acceptable as it is in some other communities.
Wale Ayeni: We have gotten a lot of users on MELD who has never been on a dating site before. We designed the app in such a way that it is welcoming and not intrusive.
MN: Do you see more of that acceptance to meet someone on dating apps and sites with African-American men or women?
WA: I think it’s about 60/40, 40 percent male and 60 percent female, which matches the professional demographic out there.
MN: What are some tips you have for Black professionals looking for love online for the first time?
RT: I would tell people that there’s no reason why you should be single and not doing something about it in 2015. If you are single and want to connect with other Black professionals, MELD is there.
But there is no reason you should be sitting home alone on Valentine’s Day, especially as a professional. As a professional, you are going to work and probably doing some type of networking or hitting the gym or doing your side hustle. So why not use a tool to make [dating] more efficient? And we are not saying that the only place you can meet people is online. You should go out and meet people and have conversations.
[Finally,] one of the things that we tell people is to be honest. A lot of people don’t put up pictures that represent themselves.
MN: What are some innovative ways Black singles can put themselves out there to date or just have fun this Valentine’s Day weekend?
RT: Develop interests that are outside of your profession. [MELD] allows users to have more than five pictures, and in those five pictures, our goal is for users to represent themselves and their interests in those five pictures. So, if you like to travel, make sure one of those pictures is a travel picture. If you like to cook, you should display that. People are very visual, and they like to know that there is more to you.
Also, conversation through online and texts can be interpreted a certain way, so pick-up lines that don’t work in the normal world don’t work online. Maybe start the conversation, when reaching out to a person for the first time, with mentioning something about one of their five pictures. You’ll probably stand out to people who have probably reached out to them. So, say something that is unique and not contrived.
You can find more about the MELD app by following them on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, or download the app for free on iTunes. Download and join MELD to attend one of the three Valentine’s Day events that are hosting exclusively for their users in Washington D.C., Houston and San Francisco this coming weekend.
Online dating can be a lot of fun, but it pays to know these facts about online dating before the next time you log on.
In the dating world, eventually the young and the restless become the not so young and desperate and, sooner or later, folks end up on Tinder. People thought Tinder was just a hookup app but after a while you couldn’t tell the difference between Tinder and many other dating service platforms such as Plenty of Fish or eHarmony. So what changed? Well, what happened is Tinder made dating as easy as possible. There’s no need to fill out a lengthy profile or spend hours perusing through profiles to find a match. It’s quick and dirty; swipe left or swipe right. That’s it homie!
Unfortunately, that presents a few problems. Like most online platforms, Tinder doesn’t come with instructions. It tends to leave people with more questions than answers and all the information needed to make a good decision isn’t exactly readily available. That’s why I thought I’d lay out some quick and dirty rules for engagement.
Stats show that the success rate for Tinder matches is roughly 5%, this means that you’ll need to spend way more time on the app than you originally planned. If you think 10-15 minutes a day will cut it, try 3-5 minutes an hour.
Most people don’t keep up-to-date profiles. Don’t be 0ne of these people. Make sure you keep your pictures as recent as possible. If you want to know why people get stood up on Tinder dates or they end abruptly, this is why. Someone shows up to a date only to find themselves asking why the person doesn’t resemble the person whose profile they swiped to the right.
Also, you ain’t got to lie Craig — like a lot of people on Tinder. A lot of guys will claim they’re 6’1” and show up to the date at a generous 5’8.” It’s kind of hard to keep up a lie like that if you actually plan on meeting people in person one day.
You should know there are also a ton of people on Tinder who aren’t actually single — either by mistake or completely on purpose; don’t let it get to you. The thing is, once you find someone you’re interested in dating, you’re not likely to take down your profile. Also, there are lots of people (men and women) who just treat the app like it’s Hot or Not. They’re not looking for anyone to date, they just like judging someone solely based on their looks.
That’s the other thing, don’t get it twisted or read too deeply into a profile. The creators of Tinder intended for the app to point to the single most effective way of finding a mate, physical attraction. You’re not going to read a profile and be captivated by his bio, and if you are, you’re reading too deep. If you find him attractive, just ask to meet up for drinks or coffee.
But don’t act crazy. Everybody has a little crazy in them. Just don’t be so quick to show it when you’re on Tinder. Don’t harass someone who won’t reply to your messages as fast as you’d like. Don’t be a repeat text offender either. Never ever scream at someone or take serious offense to something a match says to you. Your defense mechanism is to unmatch them. There’s never a reason to ever get in a heated exchange.
Lastly, keep in mind that you don’t know these people. As much as you think you’ve connected and shared plenty of conversations and details, you do not know these people. Do not meet up with a match for the first time in a private location. Always meet up in public the first time, what you do from that point on is up to you.
All in all, have fun. If you’re choosing to date on Tinder you have your reasons. If Tinder does the trick, then so be it. Just be careful and be mindful that it’s a cold world out there on these Internets.
These tinder fails will make you think twice about looking for love on an app. If these are the fish in the sea, we’re ready to hang up our fishing poles for good.
Who would like to know if you’d be interested in being his replacement wife. If the only picture you can find is from your last wedding, it’s too soon to start working toward your next.
Confession: I’ve been on a dating website for all of maybe three weeks now and to be honest, I’m over it. I used the word confession in the opening sentence because I’m one of those people who still feels weird about using a dating site to, well, date, and I always said doing so would be my last resort when it came to ending my single streak. So I guess that means I’m now at the end of my rope in more ways than one because after my brief foray into the world of Internet dating, so far all I’ve gotten out of this is a more dismal outlook on how many desirable fish there are in the sea and a swift comeback for the next person who asks why I’m single and follows that up with a suggestion I try online dating: Bye Felicia.
I can admit that I may have gone into this thing with false expectations. Though I really had no idea what to expect after I haphazardly uploaded my last pic to my profile and struggled to come up with witty descriptions of myself and my life like I don’t write for a living, because of the slew of people who recommend I accept online dating as my love and single savior I just knew my search results were going to make me say, “so this is where all the men have been hiding!” Instead, I find myself overwhelmed by a number of notifications for messages from men I really don’t want to talk to anyway that don’t say anything more than “Hi;” an invitation to have my p-u-s-s-you know the rest eaten, and I’ve been cussed out by a 22 year old who thought at 29, I should’ve had more balls to tell him to stop effing talking to me, instead of my polite method which was just to say you’re too young. Oh, and then there’s the Bangladeshi man who assumed I didn’t respond to his message because of his ethnicity and when I told him I have a job and don’t sit around on websites (other than MadameNoire) all day answering messages, proceeded to say “put you read my message and the green icon showed you were online.” And then there’s the other fool who keeps saying “I see I can’t get no love” and the man who sent me a message admiring my curves and told me “your pretty” before letting me know he’d want to have sex with me after the first date to get it out the way so we could focus ourselves. Basically men are no different online than they are in real life. The Internet just makes them a bit easier to ignore (Read: block).
I have come across a couple of gentlemen who balance out the aforementioned characters, but overall I’d have to consider my experience to be pretty underwhelming in comparison to the positive reputation this method of dating has earned. For some reason, I thought I’d be scrolling through profiles for hours and find myself tickled at the available men within miles of myself who want the same thing I do. Instead, I’m like, “I could’ve gone to the bar for this.” At least the alcohol would help counter some of the nonsense — and disappointment. There have been some positives though. Part of my reservation for going online had to do with my assumption that Black men don’t use dating sites and studies that have found Black women to be the least desired group online. Even thought most of the profiles of Black men I’ve come across don’t express a preference for dating someone of the same race, the demographic is definitely online and I’ve been e-approached by several. I’ve also received messages from men of several other racial and ethnic groups which shat all over the previously mentioned study and opened my eyes to my desirability to men outside of a particular segment of the population I felt only found me attractive. So, yay me. Two points for the confidence boost.
Still, I can’t say that I’m running home at night to check my messages. Heck, I even deleted the app I had on my phone because I didn’t want to be bothered. Part of me feels like maybe I’m not as serious about finding a partner as I thought I was, but the truth is the work of sifting through hundreds of profiles and messages just to maybe identify one person you want to message just isn’t fun. It feels like work. And, again, at least out in the streets, there are drinks, food, or some sort of entertainment involved. Which brings me to the other point of men wanting to move things offline too quickly, like “hey, I like your smile can I take you to dinner?” So you can chop my body into pieces later? No thanks.
My biggest issue with online dating is likely that my heart isn’t completely in it because I still really want to find someone the old-fashioned, let’s-ease-into-this way, but I have to say all the hoopla around e-dating sites as the cure to singledom hardly seems warranted. If the idea of looking for a man the same way you look for a new job appeals to you then you probably will be highly successful. But so far being on a dating site just feels like one more thing I have to begrudgingly “check” — sort of like the mail when you know something’s in the box but nothing you really want so you just let it sit there. *Cues meme: I’m single, but be turning down people like I’m taken.
What’s been your online dating experience? Do you find it to be dreadful or worth the hassle?
JDI Dating, which operates multiple dating sites, charging users between $10 and $30 per month, has been fined a $616, 165 for creating fake profiles. So much for finding the one.
The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) found that many of the profiles on its sites are not real. And not because users created fake profiles but because the company itself created profiles to lure users to their sitew. JDI Dating owns websites such as CupidsWand.com, FlirtCrowd.com and FindMeLove.com.
JDI Dating would send users messages from fake profiles and once users tried to respond to their messages, JDI Dating would request users to sign up and pay for the site.
In addition to the fine, the FTC has ordered JDI Dating to change their business practices. The company must adjust how it received money from paying customers and has to disclose to users that some profiles are either phony or a continuance of user memberships that have expired.
Below is a news video about this report. Have you used JDI Dating services?