According to the New York Times trend piece, living alone can make you crazy. Seriously, that’s what it says. And here I was thinking that living with a house full of kids and a thankless husband would be a nightmare…

Steven Kurutz, the writer of the Times piece, says that 1 in every 4 American households is occupied by someone living alone. While the benefits are plentiful including the freedom to come and go as you please and the space and solitude to recharge one’s batteries, Kurutz says that the single-occupant home lacks the certain social checks and balances required to keep folks on the straight and narrow.  As such, living alone can also be a breeding ground for “Secret Single Behavior. ”

What classifies as Secret Single Behaviors? Well Kurutz uses examples in the form of two people who live alone, who have eccentricities such as running in place during TV commercials; speaking conversational French to themselves while making breakfast; singing Journey songs in the shower; sustaining oneself largely on cereal, nuts and seeds; turning your dryer into a makeshift dresser (because you are too lazy to take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in its proper place), and never closing the bathroom door when…er… handling your business. All this kind of makes you crazy.

Wait, why would you need to close the bathroom door if you live alone? Perhaps Kurutz has never thought about the serial killer, who is waiting to break into your home and plans to sneak up on you while you take care of business on the toilet. He can’t sneak up on you if you see him coming. Or at least that is what I got from watching lots of horror films. All alone. By myself. Hmm, maybe he has a point.

I mean I do talk to both my cat and dog, although it is only my dog Coltrane who pays attention to what I’m saying. And yeah, at times while watching television, I do talk to myself but that is only because I tell funny jokes and it would be rude not to laugh.  And okay, I admit it; Lucky Charms taste just as good for dinner as much as they do for breakfast. But is that really eccentric? I mean, I am sort of socially inept out in public, so perhaps my chosen home-based solitary confinement is the source for my own social awkwardness? Nawh, I don’t think so.

For me, living alone is an escape from the outside world. There is a lot of psychiatric illness out there, particularly if you live in the city. Places with denser populations also mean that folks are constantly subjected to bright lights and loud noises, poor environmental climates, crime, high taxes, low wages, long work schedules, proper protocols and greater socioeconomic divide. As such, it is easy to develop or become at-risk for anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and schizophrenia. In fact, in a study of more than 7,000 people in the Netherlands, investigators found that both full-blown psychotic disorders and milder psychosis-like symptoms were more common among those living in urbanized areas. So perhaps having your own personal space, which requires you to spend at least a few hours a day away from other people, might be the therapy that some folks need to not only decompress but also to act out all of those “eccentricities” without fear of looking odd or crazy out in public.

And there are definitely fun perks to living alone.  Like being able to walk right into the house, unhinge the bra and throw it on the couch without worrying that someone is going to chastise you for not putting your clothing in the hamper. Like lounging around on my couch, channel flipping and doing absolutely nothing productive without someone saying, “is that what you did all day?” Yes, it is and l liked it a lot. Like cooking unbalanced meals such as corn on the cob, skittles and pita bread and eating it all with my fingers. Like not having to rush to do the dishes or vacuum or even make my bed.  Like walking around the house in mixed matched sweats, holey socks and drawers or naked if I want. The possibilities of all the crazy stuff you can do at home, by yourself, are both endless and awesome.

Of course, you can have too much of a good thing.  And while I do cherish my moments of solitude, I’m also aware that long periods of time alone can make me feel like I’m becoming lazy and going crazy- especially if Coltrane, my dog, refuses to talk to me. I do have to remind myself to clean, to get off the couch and be productive and social with real people outside of my abode and to eat something nutritious. But that’s when individual accountability and responsibility come into play.  If a grown up has to live with someone just to keep him/her in check socially, well then you are not doing it (adulthood) right.

Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.

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Source:Savings4mom.com

It has to be tough for any teenager to find the right time to tell a parent she’s pregnant, but one Minnesota girl didn’t have to worry about that—Target told her dad for her.

A New York Times report picked up by MSN NOW tells the story of an angry father who stormed into a Target store demanding to speak with a manager about why his child was being sent deals on baby items. According to an employee, the man said:

“My daughter got this in the mail! She’s still in high school, and you’re sending her coupons for baby clothes and cribs? Are you trying to encourage her to get pregnant?”

The manager looked at the mailer and apologized to the man for the advertisement for maternity clothes and nursery furniture which was addressed to his daughter. But when the manager called the man a few days later to apologize again, the father was the one saying sorry. He told the manager:

“I had a talk with my daughter. It turns out there’s been some activities in my house I haven’t been completely aware of. She’s due in August. I owe you an apology.”

So how does Target know a girl is pregnant before her own father? Coupon targeting which tracks purchases and demographic information to send customer’s deals related to their anticipated needs. The thought either sounds cool or creepy. On one hand, who wouldn’t want to save money on something they plan to buy, on the other, it’s a little unsettling to think about how much big brother knows about you—and Target’s aware of that.

“If we send someone a catalog and say, ‘Congratulations on your first child!’ and they’ve never told us they’re pregnant, that’s going to make some people uncomfortable,” Andrew Pole, a statistician for the chain said. “We are very conservative about compliance with all privacy laws. But even if you’re following the law, you can do things where people get queasy.”

The New York Times report is actually pretty fascinating and eye-opening to just how much companies know about their consumers—which in the case of this father and daughter, can get people caught up. Sometimes a generic mailer is enough.

Have you noticed coupon deals that are targeted to your purchasing history? Do you think it’s neat or does it creep you out a bit?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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“Sex and the City’s” Cynthia Nixon has dealt a strong blow to the LGBTQ community with her comment about choosing to be gay—at least from their perspective.

She was recently profiled in The New York Times and she told the newspaper she rejects the skepticism from members of the gay community who find the fact that she wasn’t always a lesbian disingenuous. She told the publication.

“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”

It didn’t take long for members of her community to fire back at her word choice, suggesting she’s falling into the right-wing trap, but if that’s Cynthia’s experience are they any more right to police her sexual orientation than heterosexuals who they say concern themselves with homosexuality far too often.

It’s interesting because one of the arguments you hear so often from the LGBTQ community—in addition to the stance that you are either born gay or straight—is the idea of sexual fluidity and that many people’s true sexual orientation fluctuates many times throughout their life. Cynthia’s midlife entrance into lesbianism illustrates that perfectly, yet she’s rejected by her very own.

I can definitely see how her statement flies in the face of one of the gay community’s biggest fights of being “born this way,” especially when it comes to gay women. Being a lesbian is often seen as more of a fad than being a gay male, particularly when the woman is more feminine or aesthetically appealing. Plus Anne Heche didn’t do the LGBTQ community any favors when she went from men to Ellen and back to men, but as Cynthia said, you don’t get to define her gayness for her. I think if the LGBTQ community wants to be able to define their sexuality to heterosexuals, they should let homosexuals do the same within their community.

What do you think about what Cynthia said? Does the gay community have a right to be upset?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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At least somebody gets it. A new poll by CBS and the New York Times shows that a decent portion of Americans think the government should focus more on minority issues. Specifically, 39% say the government isn’t paying enough attention to problems concerning people of color, while 35% think the right amount attention is being paid; another 16% say the government is already paying too much attention to minority issues.

White and black Americans see things drastically differently. One in five white Americans think the government is paying too much attention to minority issues, while another 31% think it’s not paying enough. Black people overwhelmingly say the federal government isn’t paying enough attention, 77%, and 17% say the government is paying the right amount.

There’s also a difference among political parties. Democrats mostly think the government isn’t paying enough attention to the needs of minorities, 55%, but most Republicans think either the right amount of attention is being paid, 43%, or too much 29%. That’s not surprising for a party that values limited government involvement.

Attention on minorities can be a bit of a catch 22 though, as we already know. More than just the right amount of attention, the government needs to have the appropriate focus on minority issues and not go the route of our dear frenemies Newt Gingrich, Jesee Peterson, and countless others who have a skewed view of race relations and concerns African Americans and other minorities are facing.

Where do you stand on the government’s focus on minority issues? Should they be doing more, less, or is their involvement just right?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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I miss the old days when calling to make sure someone made it home safely and sending flowers were ways to prove your love. Nowadays you have to tattoo someone’s name (or face) on you to show them it’s real, or as a new trend shows, give them all of your online passwords.

A New York Times article, Young, in Love and Sharing Everything, Including a Password, shows teenagers are increasingly giving each other their account information as a sign of unwavering devotion.

“It’s a sign of trust,” Tiffany Carandang, a high school senior in San Francisco, told the New York Times of why she and her boyfriend decided to share passwords for e-mail and Facebook. “I have nothing to hide from him, and he has nothing to hide from me. I know he’d never do anything to hurt my reputation.”

Tiffany’s not alone in her thinking. A 2011 telephone survey by the Pew Internet and American Life Project found that 30% of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Of the 770 teenagers aged 12 to 17, girls were almost twice as likely as boys to share their information (figures).

On the surface, you could look at the practice as “cute” like many teens do, but in some ways it’ also a mature step that’s just not necessary at that age—or possibly at any. Teenagers are notorious for hooking up with someone quickly, thinking they’re in love within a month or two, and planning their wedding after a year. When you’re young, dating should be carefree and giving someone access to your entire online life is just asking for problems. Facebook already causes enough issues among adult couples as it is, and I’ve seen enough accounts get altered when there’s a breakdown in a relationship to know that among teens, this is just asking for a cyber-bulling breakout.

Sam Biddle of Gizmodo website calls password sharing “a linchpin of intimacy” for all couples in the 21st century. “I’ve known plenty of couples who have shared passwords, and not a single one has not regretted it,” he said, adding that the practice includes the unspoken potential for mutually assured destruction if somebody gets out of line. “It’s the kind of symbolism that always goes awry.”

When I first saw this article, I instantly thought of Angela on “Why Did I Get Married Too” and how important it was for her to have Marcus’s email and phone passwords as a sign of his faithfulness. If you need to have your partner’s password, that means you need to be assured they’re faithful, and if you need that reassurance, you may not need to be in a relationship with them at all. Having someone’s password is just approval to snoop, and as we’ve talked about many times on this site, if you have to snoop, it’s probably time to go anyway.

I had my ex’s email password when we were together but not because I asked him for it or I wanted it. He needed help with something he was working on and gave me the password to access information in his account. Yes, I kept the password in case I needed it in the future, but he never asked me for mine and I never intended on giving it to him. When you’re in a relationship, you ought to be able to keep some things separate and private and I think emails are one of those things—especially if we’re not married. We’re not sharing bank accounts so we don’t need to share email accounts. I think all of these ridiculous ways of proving your love for someone are just a sign of our twisted times. If you want to prove you love me, simply treat me right, I don’t need to check and see who’s poking you on Facebook.

What do you think about this idea of teenagers giving each other their online passwords? Do you have your partner’s account information? Do you think married couples should exchange that info?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Black women now make up almost one-third of all women in the armed forces–doubling their representation in the civilian female population.

A new study by the Pew Research Center found that of the 167,000 women in the U.S. combined forces, 31% are black. When you look at the fact that white women make up just 53% of the women in the military, but represent 78% of the general female population, that percentage is huge.

Beth J. Asch, a senior economist and defense manpower specialist at the Rand Corporation, suggested in a New York Times  article that the large number of black women enlisting is a result of the military’s recruiting practices. She said the military tries to attract high school graduates who are looking for job training, good benefits, and help with college tuition which appeals to a lot of black women.

“That is the group the military targets,” Asch said.

Although overall nearly a third of the women in the military are in administrative jobs, the study showed an increase in the number who were  being assigned to combat areas; 24% of women who served since 1990 spent time in combat zones, compared with 7 percent before 1990. Women also represent 14% of the enlisted ranks and 16% of commissioned officers.

Are you a proud member of the armed forces? Do you agree with Beth Asch’s reasoning for why black women make up such a large percentage of the military?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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The NYPD appears to have had no shame when it came to the annual West Indian Labor Day Parade held in Brooklyn this year. Videos of officers dancing with women who were apart of the festivities were widely circulated, but in light of recent news in The New York Times of a “No More West Indian Day Detail” Facebook Group where officers shared their racist thoughts on the event, it would appear the dancing cops were merely poking fun at the “animals” and “savages” participating in the parade.

Those were just two of the comments left on the wall of the group which had 1,200 members. Others included, “Drop a bomb and wipe them all out.” “Let them kill each other” was posted under a name that matched that of a police officer; Nick Virgilio, whose name also matches a police officer, wrote, “Filth,” and yet another said, “It’s not racist if it’s true.”

While few officers were concerned that the discussion, which appears to violate the Police Department’s rules against “discourteous or disrespectful remarks” about race or ethnicity, might be reported to internal affairs, an analysis found that the cops were at times encouraged by civilians and other city workers, including members of the Fire Department. A comparison by The Times of the names of some of the more than 150 people who posted comments on the page with city employee listings showed that more than 60 percent matched the names of police officers.

A commenter who identified himself as Dan Rodney, wrote, “I say have the parade one more year, and when they all gather drop a bomb and wipe them all out.” Mr. Rodney confirmed that he was a police officer and that he had used Facebook, but denied making the comment. “That wasn’t me,” he told The Times, suggesting that someone else might have been responsible. “I leave my phone around sometimes. Other than that I have no comment.”

Some were more toned in their remarks, noting the safety concerns of the event. “It’s a scheduled riot,” one person wrote. Another commented, “We were widely outnumbered. It was an eerie feeling knowing we could be overrun at any moment.”

Benjamin Moore and Paul Lieberman of Brooklyn Defender Services found the comments on the group’s open Facebook wall and put them before a jury in a gun-possession trial concerning a man who was arrested at the parade in 2010. The attorneys suggested that Sgt. Dustin Edwards planted the gun and used the ranting to back up the claim of racially targeted arrests. The remarks garnered little attention outside of the courtroom, so they sent a digital copy of the Facebook conversation to The Times. The printed document runs 70 pages.

In the end, the gun possession charge was dropped, and a spokesman for the Brooklyn district attorney said the office would investigate any matters stemming from the trial referred to it by the Police Department. It will be interesting to see if they keep their word.

Do you think officers who commented on the group page should be reprimanded? What do you think about continuation of the West Indian Day Parade in lieu of the violence and ill police relations that continue to be an issue every year?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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If there’s one thing I can say about Mary J. Blige, it’s that her hair stays on point. Her clothes, well, you never know if the consistency with that is going to be the same each time you see her…But she’s got a new album and a fresh new look (same honey color though) to show off. Check it.

So MJB showed up for “A Conversation With Mary J. Blige” presented by TimesTalks yesterday in NYC (a conversation with New York Times music critic Jon Parales) and she looked dressed for unpredictable weather and to look fab. Skip all black everything, brown was homegirl’s color of choice as she stepped out in lush leather and suede. She rocked a long leather jacket with large buttoned lapels, and wore tight blue jeans with a classic Hermes belt. On her feet she rocked some knee-high suede boots with detail down the front. She completed the outfit with a plain but fresh white T-shirt, gold hoops and a long bob with blunt bangs.

So….STEAL! I love it! I think it’s the perfect laid back look for someone showing up to a chill event. However, it’s not too dull and not the ordinary laid back look of flats, and a plain T-shirt. Her hair and makeup are just okay to me, but I would totally wear this look for a trip to the mall and to run a few errands. Even on a date! It’s fall fabness at it’s best and it’s definitely a steal.

But what do you think?

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HIV infection rates have stabilized in much of the United States due in large part to increased education in schools.

But despite this good news, rates for the infection are rising quickly in young, black gay men.

One New York Times writer says a large reason for this is that many young, gay men growing up in smaller cities may feel they need to hide their sexuality and engage in “riskier sex”. These same young men may not have health insurance and might not have had a doctor reiterate the importance of getting tested.

Keith Boykin, author of “Beyond the Down Low: Sex, Lies and Denial in Black America” says people need to realize socioeconomic conditions play a role in the disparity of HIV infections.

How are poor teens, growing up without access to resources and or health care supposed to fight the disease with no weapons?

What role do you think race and socioeconomic status play in HIV infections?

It’s hard to understand the male mind. They just do, speak and even think very differently than the average woman. Recently, especially this past summer alone, we’ve seen men living a little foul. Between police officers behaving inappropriately with drunk women and politicians sending pictures of their wangs to teenagers it’s enough to make your head swim.

Recently the New York Times wrote an article saying many men are failing to achieve the 5 markers of adulthood and thus behave in an immature nature. While this is definitely the case for some men, there are tons of others who live their lives properly and will never make a headline.

Check out the five markers of adulthood and see what our partners over at Your Tango have to say about this phenomenon.

What do you think are men just naturally immature?