All Articles Tagged "new moms"
Albert Einstein once said, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” To keep moving could mean that you don’t give up on your dreams. And not giving up is just what single people and couples do every year that can’t conceive on their own. Whether it’s adoption or surrogacy, want-to-be parents are making a way out of no way.
Many celebrities have also made the important decision to use a surrogate to bring a child into this world and Tyra Banks is one of them. Tyra and her partner Erik Asla welcomed their son York in January via a surrogate.
Her Instagram post read: “The best present we worked and prayed so hard for is finally here. He’s got my fingers and big eyes and his daddy Erik’s mouth and chin. As we thank the angel of a woman that carried our miracle baby boy for us, we pray for everyone who struggles to reach this joyous milestone. York Banks Asla, welcome to the world.”
In a recent interview with The Telegraph she describes motherhood as “weird, beautiful, exhilarating feeling,” and went on to say, “The most insulting thing is when people come to me with ideas but follow it up with, ‘oh but now you won’t have time, because you’re a mum.’ People don’t say that to his father. Let me make that decision for myself.”
Tyra said she had been talking about wanting children since 24 and would tell people close to her, “in the next three years, but after I while, I realized I couldn’t keep saying that. After a decade-and-a-half passed, it was time to really do it.”
And as for more kids she said: “After York was born, I was planning more children but it’s not so easy for me because I couldn’t carry my son, and I didn’t want to keep putting chemicals into my body. I might adopt one day – I’ve always wanted to adopt, actually.”
Tyra might be one busy mama but she definitely makes time to give back to the community. Tyra has been open in the past about her battles with body image and self-esteem so it makes sense that she started the The Tyra Banks TZONE Foundation that invests in the future of girls and young women. She started the TZONE camps in 1999 that were self-esteem building programs that addressed battling gender stereotypes, elevating body and beauty love, and creating a sisterhood of trust. Tyra talked about the unhealthy cycles that some of her girls would go through in an interview with PEOPLE.
“They go back in the crazy world of attacking, or looking in the mirror and not feeling good about themselves…so what I tell my girls is, health is important, and we need to get our shapes in shape – not looking like somebody else.”
The new mom, author, actress, model, producer and owner of her own beauty empire called Tyra Beauty also gave her two cents about balancing motherhood it all. “You can’t always be an amazing mum and an amazing business person at the same time – it’s a continuous struggle.”
When growing up, I saw my mother as a superhero. She fed me, bathed me, washed my clothing and tucked me into bed with a kiss on the forehead and God’s blessing. She made me feel loved, protected and safe. Mami killed roaches that crawled on the walls of our NYC apartment, swatted away mosquitoes when we visited the Dominican Republic, and tended to my physical and emotional cuts and bruises.
Yes, my mother was my Supergirl. My Shera. My Wonder Woman. To this day, I look up to her and the sacrifices that she made for her children as a single mother. I hope I can be half the mom that she is when I have my own children.
Being a mom doesn’t come easy; it tests your will, your patience, and your capacity to love. It also strengthens women. Motherhood may be the best cure for a broken heart and spirit. But don’t take it from me. Listen to the wise words of the following moms who share the 12 ways that being a mom makes them stronger.
You Have No Choice But To Be Strong
When women have children, they have to be strong no matter what. Mothers are the first line of defense. They are their to protect and serve, even when they’ve had a terrible day. In those moments when a mother wants to throw in the towel, she eyes her children and realizes she can’t. So she sucks it up. She is strong because she has to be.
New moms find themselves trying to keep up with the demands of their newborn and other day-to-day operations…on little to no sleep. It’s challenging but not impossible. One way to keep up your energy — and receive much needed endorphins to relax you — is with a good workout. Here are some fitness gadgets and accessories to consider.
Glam moms will love these fitness tracker watches from Armitron. Water resistant to 99 feet, you can count your steps, monitor your sleep and calculate your calories in style. The interchangeable face also allows you to coordinate with your outfits.
$120, available at Armitron
What things are cool to do before you become a mother but not acceptable afterward? It depends who you ask. People will always have an opinion — a variety of them more often than not — on what they think moms should and shouldn’t do. What they should and shouldn’t wear. How they should and shouldn’t spend their time. Sometimes they’re right on point and sometimes they’re just being judgmental.
But motherhood brings about too many changes in life for us not to try and adjust to them at all. Becoming a new mom is an opportunity to grow up, get it together and take life to the next level. And sometimes it’s better to make these changes before you become a mom rather than after you’re tackling diapers, late nights, milk bottles and tears.
Already someone’s mom? How did your life change in ways that you expected it to and in ways that you didn’t see coming once you entered motherhood?
I have a confession to make: I’m kind of a closeted germaphobe. I check hotel sheets for stains, bed bugs and pubic hair. I re-wipe bar counters just in case there’s any sticky, cocktail residue. Oh and I refuse to eat fast food in actual fast food restaurants. If it’s not handed to me via the drive through window, I’m not eating.
My fear of all things sticky, wet and foreign (what is that?!) even makes it hard for me to sip on my partner’s drink without wiping his glass first. So, I’m a bit scared of what will become of me when I am a mom. Baby boy is coming soon and, well, kids get messy – especially boys.
To prepare myself for the impending grossness, I crafted a list of what will gross me out when I am a mom.
I’ve always been disgusted by drool and all forms of saliva, actually. I think I was traumatized by my cousin, Vladimir, who often gave me Wet Willies when we were kids. He also has voluptuous lips (think Angelina Jolie) so when we’d kiss hello on the cheek as teenagers (we’re Latino, kisses are par for the course when greeting loved ones) he’d accidentally slobber saliva all over my face. Freaked out, I’d wipe off the wetness immediately. But, do you know what babies do a lot of? Drool! God help me.
Injuries of any sort
I flinch when I see my own blood, and it’s really difficult for me to be in the presence of a scabbed knee or stitches. But kids get hurt! Aside from not wanting to witness my baby boy in any pain, how will I suck it up and change his bandages and put Neosporin on his scrapes? Oh, yeah, I know, “Babe!”
Dirt and more dirt
Moms of boys have already warned me of this fact: boys tend to get really dirty. Just last weekend my friend, Lourdes, shared that her two boys took the hose to their backyard, wet the soil with said hose, and then roll around in the mud pile they created. “They had so much fun,” she said. I nodded, feigning happiness though it gave me shivers. But, it happens. I know I have to suck it up for Evan’s sake. I want him to have a fun childhood. If he wants to play with mud and have a blast, I’m going to have to find a way to cope – and make sure he doesn’t track mud into our home.
Maybe I’ve watched too many comedy shows, but I feel that lice are as much of an epidemic as bed bugs. They are truly everywhere. Lice freak me out for one reason only – you have to remove those suckers. Shaving a kid bald is not an option, is it? I didn’t think so. Instead, I’ll have to get down and dirty and scrub the lice right out of his hair.
How can a high chair gross me out? Well, it’s not just any chair; in fact, I only have a problem with high chairs from public places. You know, you go to a restaurant and you sit your child in a high chair that hundreds of babies have crapped in, eaten in, and yes, drooled on. I…just…can’t.
But, I’ll have to. Today I promise to find a way to overcome these phobias for the sake of my child’s happiness. I’m just glad I was able to share this with you mommas. This way I get it out of my system once and for all – hopefully.
Sujeiry Gonzalez (Love Sujeiry) is a love guru, founder of lifestyle brand, Love Sujeiry, and a radio show host on SiriusXM. The Rodan + Fields consultant has authored two books to help women navigate the world of dating and love (Dating RITE: Advice on Dating Woes from Your Go-to Chica and Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles) and provides dating and beauty advice daily on LoveSujeiry.com.
As a new mom, the amount of products you need for you and your baby can be overwhelming to say the least. After all, not all items are must-haves and many are based on your own individual lifestyle. However, here are several new mommy essentials that can definitely you get through the first stages of being a first-time mother.
Boob Nursing Bra Top
Whether breastfeeding my little one on the go or during one of the many visits from friends and family at home, these Boob nursing bra tops and dresses made it easy, convenient and as discreet as possible without having to use a breastfeeding cover.
The comfortable stretch fabric on these nursing bras made them easy to wear (day and night) even when your breasts are almost engorged with milk.
Nothing speaks to an over-paranoid new mom’s heart like a diaper bag that comes complete with more waterproof pockets than she’ll ever need.
The first few days of breastfeeding are undeniably the most difficult, as most new moms can attest. Just when you think you can’t possibly go another round, remember this fast-acting nipple solution. Plus, the organic herbal ingredients mean it’s safe for you and your baby, and no need to wipe off before breastfeeding your little one.
You might be a bit skeptical about this much-hyped about “mommy must-have.” However, by the third week of breastfeeding, you’ll be ready for any and all the support you can find. The Boppy definitely makes it more comfortable for you and baby – especially during those late night and early morning feedings.
Taking a newborn out for his first few outings can be stressful to say the least. Fortunately, this Bundle Me car seat cover makes it easy to keep baby warm with its simple zipper closure.
These all-in-one onesies meant no need for separate mittens or socks – making a newborn’s multiple daily outfit changes that much easier.
The weight and size of this muslin blanket were perfect for keeping the baby warm enough without overheating, and the fact that it’s also 100 percent organic will make you that much more comfortable using it as your go-to blanket for nap time.
Great for mid-day naps anywhere in the home, and when you need to have free hands for small things like…eating lunch or taking a shower. The waterproof padding also means easy clean-up for those unexpected diaper leakage.
Bennington 4 in 1 Convertible Crib
Every mom breathes a sigh of relief when she puts her baby down and he actually stays asleep. The 4 in 1 convertible feature of this crib means he can use it for years to come.
If you’re not a mom and suddenly your best friend is a mom, you might feel a bit at a loss for what to do. When you show up at the baby’s one-month birthday with a bottle of tequila, and your friend looks sad, you’ll feel very confused. When you buy her tickets to see her favorite play live, and she seems stressed out at the thought of it, you’ll feel totally thrown for a loop. Moms have a particular set of needs. They don’t get to go back to asking, “Now. What was life like before I was pregnant? Okay. I’ll just go back to that!” Because they’re not just not pregnant anymore; they have a baby now. That’s sort of–ya know–the whole point of that pregnancy. So that play might be way too late for a mom whose baby wakes her up at 3 am to feed. Here is how you can actually help your friend who is a new mom.
When bullying comes to mind I think of kids shoving each other around in school hallways or teens harassing each other online. But in recent years a new type of bullying called mom shaming also seems to be getting out of hand.
Because moms now live on social media like everyone else mom shaming has become far too common. Some are calling the moms involved the “mommy mafia” because it’s more than just differing opinions. It is the constant negative gossip and derogatory comments that revolve around a persons parenting choices that gives mom shaming a bad rap.
Chrissy Teigen is no stranger to being mom shamed. She delivered a beautiful baby girl named Luna on April 14th and was mom shamed when she decided to go for a dinner date with hubby John Legend nine days after she delivered. This left some commenters outraged because they felt it was too soon to leave the baby. Her next mom shaming incident was on mothers day when she posted a picture of herself in cut off denim shorts and a midriff top which showed her flat belly. Some felt the picture was insensitive to moms who can’t lose the weight that fast.
Chrissy appeared on Good Morning America and addressed her controversial dinner date. “I knew mommy-shaming was a thing, but I didn’t think it would come from going to dinner” and she went on to say “We needed to go enjoy each other’s company and be out….We were gone for an hour, we had a good meal together. Happy mommy, happy daddy, happy baby.”
However her hubby wasn’t having it and quickly came to his wife’s defense about their date night. He posted to social media saying. “Funny there’s no dad-shaming. When both of us go out to dinner, shame both of us so Chrissy doesn’t have to take it all. We’ll split it,” he tweeted after the outrage kicked in.
The 30-year-old supermodel also opened up in an exclusive with ET and talked about how awesome motherhood is and how she is learning to ignore the negativity.
“We’re so happy…”It’s been really exciting and fun, and every day is so different, and seeing all her little changes is so cute.” And for mom shaming she said “It is hard when it turns to … people are grading you on your personal decisions,” she admitted. “You just realize you’ll never make everyone happy. … I’m learning to let things roll off my back a bit easier. I have more important things going on now.”
Chrissy isn’t the only celeb parent being judged by the masses. We recently reported on Kandi Burruss and her hubby Todd Tucker’s good and bad feedback they received after posting a picture on Instagram saying they were already potty training their three-month-old son.
The truth is being a parent is not a one size fits all model and most moms are probably doing the best they can with whatever their circumstances are so the question is “How far should people take their opinions online?”
What do you think? Should people mind their business about other peoples parenting styles or say whatever they want however they want to say it?
By Bless Roxwell
I used to be a rock star.
Just kidding..sort of. But the better part of my life has been spent doing music. When I say “doing music”, I mean writing, recording and performing original compositions. Running a website dedicated to supporting urban arts, from events to fashion. Founding and expanding a brand with the sole purpose of supporting women in Hip Hop. Music, and all that accompanies it, was my life, from the art to the business.
Life is different now.
And this piece isn’t about the loss of that life because I’m still involved with music, less as an artist, more behind the scenes and the business. This piece is about life changes and just how quickly those changes manifest, in a blink. That’s how change usually happens, just that fast. One day I wasn’t pregnant, the next day I was. Things happen in our lives that alter them forever, whether it’s a new baby or the loss of someone dearly loved or a new job or a marriage..life, changes.
I felt prompted to write this because I’m always surprised at how much we resist these life changes. We will fight, internally with ourselves or externally with others, tooth and nail, to stay where we are in our lives, to keep everything exactly as it is, all the while knowing on an intuitive level how impossible that is.
A boatload of cliches come into my head: “roll with the punches”, “make lemonade out of lemons”, and so on. But none of those take into account one very important thing about life changes, the human factor. Humans just don’t work that way.
In spite of being dynamic creatures by nature in this physical world, constantly in flux from cell division to changing our physical location when we move around, we don’t like change. We don’t like loss or not knowing what will happen next. We embrace change when we believe we are in control of it such as a new job or choosing a life partner. But even that kind of change brings us apprehension or “cold feet”. We, as humans, don’t like things to change.
Yet, in the greatest of ironies, change is one of the few things in life we can depend on to happen to us. Things WILL change, life WILL change and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do about it. Which leads us to the inevitable answer when asked how we can deal with life changes. And the answer is..(drum roll)….acceptance.
Learning to accept change in our lives immediately makes everything exponentially better. When we accept we are allowing ourselves to grow from the change experience, we begin to flourish and flow with the changes in our lives.
In so doing we open ourselves to gratitude, by accepting each moment of joy as fleeting. We also open ourselves to healing through the understanding that each moment of pain is also fleeting. Being open then leads to new perspectives on a given situation, reframing the fear of the change so we can see it for what it is, the next step on our individual growth journeys.
Finding out I was pregnant could have filled me with fear, fear of the future and my own perceived shortcomings, creating a stress environment both inside and out, neither of which would have been good for my daughter. Instead, I chose to accept that it was my time, her time, Divine time, and with that I was able to better see our future mentally, emotionally, financially.
Acceptance allows us to see old problems with the new eyes necessary to enact new solutions, which leads to more change.
All of this is much more easier said than done, of course. And please know that I’m not speaking about tolerance, we should never tolerate circumstances that are unjust, dangerous or hurtful. But to be proactive in initiating change, to create changes we want to see in our lives, we must first see things for how they are. We must ACCEPT life as it is at the moment, in the present, to create changes we want in the future.
I still have my moments but then I stop, take three deep breaths to bring me back to the moment, and to a peaceful state of acceptance. Breathing in acceptance has been invaluable to me in this new phase of my life.
I accept and relish these new life changes with love…being a mommy has changed everything for me, and change is good.
Bless Roxwell is the founder of J.A.G. Music and Media and “She’s So Fresh”, a media platform dedicated to supporting women in media and urban arts. She is the owner and founder of TheRevolutionofFresh.com, a website with a focus on supporting all things fresh from music and events to healthy living. She is also a Certified Reiki practitioner, healer and owner of LifeBEam Reiki and LifeBEam Energy Infused Products. Based in BedStuy, Brooklyn, she is also the proud soon to be mommy of a baby girl, Imani Grace.
Breastfeeding is definitely not one of the easiest tasks of being a mother. It can be painful, complicated, irritating and frustrating – all at the same time. But once you get the hang of it, you’ll soon learn that it’s the most rewarding feeling to gaze into your little ones eyes as you nurture her or him with only the best, just as nature intended.
The first few weeks of breastfeeding are most likely to be the hardest, especially for first-time mothers. We don’t really know what to expect, so we often get discouraged or frustrated as we get to know the tough side of it. I remember having sore nipples and late nights where my daughter just wouldn’t latch on properly. Luckily, we both quickly learned how breastfeeding works. Yes, both of us. Babies have to learn too. We often forget that, but it’s just as new for babies as it is for moms, it can be challenging.
So here are some breastfeeding 101 tips.
First, it’s best to start breastfeeding within the first hour after giving birth. The best way to do so is with skin to skin contact, you’ll love it, it’s such an amazing feeling. That way you trigger milk production and start training the baby and yourself for successful breastfeeding. While in the hospital, take advantage of lactation consultants and lactation classes. Those are very informative. You’ll learn the different breastfeeding positions, what proper latch needs to look like and much more.
It’s important to keep your cool and don’t stress if baby doesn’t latch perfectly from the jump. Do not give up. Get in a comfortable position, prep yourself with a pillow if needed, then tickle baby’s upper lip with your nipple until she opens up her mouth wide, ready to latch on. If she doesn’t, you might want to switch from cradle hold to football hold, for example, and then just try again in another few minutes. Always remember that you’re both learning.
In the first few weeks of breastfeeding you will most likely become engorged (hardening of breast caused by fullness), which can be very uncomfortable, so it’s important to feed, but also pump and store as much as possible. Sore nipples are another “side effect” of breastfeeding. HonestCo. has an amazing nipple balm that’s plant-based. Another product I swear by is Lansinoh’s cooling pads. Those two will have your breasts feeling better in no time.
In order to keep your milk production up you need to pump daily, it’s best to pump twice a day. Breastfeed your baby on demand (don’t watch the clock, just go with your instinct and with baby’s needs) and drink plenty of water. I’m using the Evenflo Deluxe Double Electric Breast Pump. Of all the pumps that I’ve tried, this is undeniably the best. To avoid nipple confusion, don’t bottle feed your baby in the first four weeks or until breastfeeding is established; the same goes for pacifiers. Another reason why pumping is great for mom is because stored milk will allow you to treat yourself to a moms night out. If you’re drinking alcohol, Upspring baby sells breast milk alcohol detector strips that analyzes the alcohol content of your milk and tells you whether its safe to feed baby or not.
Some women like to add galactagogues for lactation support. Every woman has their preference, but I’m mostly a fan of the Mother’s Milk Tea and UpSpring Milkflow Drink. They’ve both worked the best for me. I could instantly see an increase in milk production when pumping. I love those two.
Once you’re ready to go back to work make sure you continue to pump in your breaks. Your employer is obligated to provide you with enough break time, as well as a sanitize room for pumping. When you’re done, store your milk in the fridge or freezer in order to keep it fresh for baby.
Breastfeeding is such a complex topic. If you have any further questions, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll be sure to answer ASAP.