All Articles Tagged "new friends"
Just Another Thing That Gets Better With Age: Why It’s NOT Impossible To Make New Friends As You Get Older
A few nights ago I experienced one of the best girls’ nights out I’ve ever had. It was my dear friend, O’s birthday/graduation dinner and it was amazing. I know, it sounds dramatic and over-the-top, but putting it any other way just doesn’t do it justice. Perhaps because it was an eye-opening experience for me.
In my years on this planet, I have had my share of “besties.” Having attended a women’s college back in the day, it was pretty easy to make friends and then again, it was pretty easy to lose them as well. The constant drama and bickering are enough to drive even the most poised women to stark raving lunatic status in no time flat. The stereotype for women, especially black women, is that we can’t hold onto friendships to save our lives and as we get older and more deeply ensconced in our judgmental, angry ways, it’s harder for us to be open to new friendships.
That’s not true though (and that stereotype isn’t everyone’s reality). As I looked around the dinner table, I realized that I had unknowingly proven the theory to be false. We were laughing and talking. I was getting fabulous advice on how to order sushi (that was my first time). We connected through our hair, our faith and just our love of a good time. We ate together like we had been friends from birth. We danced crazily together like we hadn’t just met each other an hour before. I was experiencing great laughs, good times, no drama, fantabulous pictures and even NEW friends that night.
New friends? What? You mean I didn’t stand around analyzing the next girl’s outfit and whispering out the side of my mouth about how jacked up her hair was? You’re darn right, I didn’t. Within the first 3.5 minutes of meeting some of these young women, we connected like we had known one another half our lives.
It got me thinking about all my friendships that hadn’t worked out. I was either completely ill-equipped with what it took to be a friend (patience, openness, etc.), a very poor judge of character, or I overrode my gut instinct telling me that she or he was a no-good, lowdown do-dirty heifer (tell the truth, shame the devil). The truth is that my ability to be a great friend and to become a recipient of great friendship has only gotten better with time and age. I’m no longer stuck in the “These are my girls, I don’t need/want any more” mindset. Nope. If there are good people with good hearts, good vibes and good intentions coming my way, bring them all to me.
Reality television will have you thinking that the older you get the more difficult it is to sit for dinner with other females without somebody getting pimp slapped or tables being flipped/jumped over. Don’t give in to the misconstrued (albeit entertaining) propaganda. Don’t believe the hype, my dears.
Whether you’re 15 or 50, friendship is friendship and it welcomes with open arms, all who are willing to be true to it. Be open and I promise you will experience more “the best girls’ nights EVER” than you can count.
La Truly is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. Armed with the ability to purposefully poke fun at herself and a passion for young women’s empowerment, La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change. Her blog: www.hersoulinc.com and her Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.
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It’s usually around high school when we begin to learn how rare a true friend is. Good friends are like a bomb pair of designer shoes, the ones that are actually comfortable and are marked down at a ridiculously low price. They’re hard to come by and when you do happen to come across a pair, you cherish them because you are well aware of their value. A good girlfriend can act as the sister you’ve never had, the therapist you can’t afford, and provide the encouragement that you need when the going gets tough. Sadly, many beautiful friendships end for trivial and foolish reasons. I know the saying goes, some people enter your life for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime, but what if you’re allowing a lifetime friend to walk away over something petty? Check out some of the common reasons friendships end below and maybe you’ll decide that it’s time for you and your BFF to kiss and make up.
Social Network Squabbles
The infamous subliminal Facebook statuses and misunderstood tweets have been like a cancer to friendships everywhere since about 2005. I remember watching in amazement last summer as I witnessed the original Twitter “beef” breakout on my timeline between “Basketball Wives” stars and besties Jennifer Williams and Evelyn Lozada. I then began to reflect on my own life and my friends. I could count at least five of them who had fallen out over ridiculous social networking wars that originated over something being said that may or may not have even been about them. Are you really beefing over what you saw someone Tweet?? Come on ladies, think about how foolish you’d feel if you allowed yourself to lose a friend a few years back over Myspace. No one even visits that site anymore!
*Sighs* Men are one of the leading causes of ruined friendships between women in America. Seriously though, this is such a common reason that great friendships fall apart. No, I would not suggest making up with a friend who vindictively slept with your man, that’s just trifling. And how could you trust them again? I would, however, suggest that you try to make amends with the friend who may have gotten a little caught up in her new relationship and may be unintentionally neglecting your friendship. I mean, we’ve all been there at one point or another. Express to her how you feel and try to work through it! Then, there’s the scenario where a rift can appear between friends when they realize that they’ve both been eying the same guy. This is not grounds to end a friendship. Two mature women will foresee the disaster which lies ahead and both agree to leave him alone. Sisters before misters, right? Chicks before … um, you get the point.