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There will always be debates on how to show a man you’re worthy of him keeping you around by doing certain things. I’m not too sure what works and what doesn’t work in terms of making a man stick around and showing him you’re not just wifey material but should be his wife. What I do know is,  you should’t knock it until you try it and do what you feel is appropriate because every man– and woman — is different. Check out some of the most notable “make him keep you” advice around. What’s worked for you and what hasn’t?

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Let’s face it, when a woman stands up for herself and won’t take no shorts, she’s usually – and unfairly – labeled a bi–ch. While our male counterparts don’t get branded the same way, women have to learn to navigate the murky waters of having dignity without being too demanding, competent without being overly competitive and feminine without being too forceful. It’s a tightrope act that gets slippery, especially when trying to get what you deserve from men and your relationships. No man wants to be with a bi–h in the sense that it means being with a woman who is always up in his face popping off. But most real men respect a woman who knows her value and isn’t afraid to ask for what she deserves. So if you’re unsure how to demand what you want in your relationship without being considered a “b–ch,” explore the following guidelines that may help you get the respect you deserve and keep you from being a doormat.

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It’s a frustrating conundrum I’ve heard from countless women: “Why her and not me?” You stick it out and give him some of your best years, only for the relationship to fizzle and for him to wife up the very next chick he meets. One thing is clear, you wanted the relationship to work but he obviously wasn’t on that same page. You just weren’t “the one” for him. Love is a gamble, and we all take a leap of faith when it come to relationships. Most times, the end of a relationship just means you two weren’t meant for each other, and it took you going through the process of a relationship to discover that. But if you find that you’re in this situation over and over again where all of your exes send you a wedding invitation six months after you break up (if an ex would do that then you may have dodged a bullet because he’s a fool), then it’s time to re-examine the way you are in a relationship. He probably won’t tell you why he settled down with her and not you, so here are some things to consider.

From Your Tango.com

By Amy Johnson

Do you feel like you’re always asking your husband to do the same things over and over again? Honey, did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? Honey, don’t forget to put down the toilet seat!

If this sounds familiar, you might want to consider a more effective — and less annoying — way to get what you want.

In this video, psychologist, relationship coach and YourTango Expert Dr. Amy Johnson explains how you can have your needs met without sounding like a pest. “The best way to reinforce any behavior and to get what you want,” says Dr. Johnson, “is through praise.”

Find out what this expert is talking about here.

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By Guest Blogger, Tamara Smith

As many women may know (well, maybe not enough of us know), there can be a thin line between expressing concern and nagging. Many of us feel like we are simply communicating our feelings, while our significant other might very much disagree.  Looking back over the years at my unsuccessful relationships, I have come to the conclusion that although I’m a successful, independent black woman, I can also add successful nagger to the list of things I’ve become. For every hint of unpleasantness in my relationships, I felt like it was my duty to voice my opinion nonstop (nag) and find possible solutions to my unhappiness whether I was ready to be heard or not (nag some more). Since then, I’ve learned a few things about the right and wrong ways to get your man to listen to you, how to keep myself from needing to nag, and pretty much how to become a better communicator in my relationships. I thought I would share them with you now that I’ve come so far in my recovery. *smile* And this can pertain to men too, just take the female part out and flip it around, because we know you love to nitpick at your significant other as well…

It’s best not to find fault in everything

Naggers are almost never happy. When things seem to be going too smoothly, “The Nagger” seeks something to complain about–gym bag on the floor, a dish not washed, a phone call, etc. Please allow me to convince you to calm your nerves and relax. Relationships are breeding grounds for drama, but when the coast is clear, just enjoy each other. So what he showed up for your date 10 minutes late wearing the green shirt he knows you can’t stand?  You can’t always get what you want in this life, so it’s best in your relationship to learn the right and wrong things to let go.

Wait before you nag …

Sometimes when you think you’re hungry and it’s time for a little snack, if you’d just wait 10-15 minutes, you sometimes find out that you weren’t that hungry after all. The same concept can be applied to the hunger to nag. If you walk away from your anger to collect your thoughts, you might not feel the need to nag anymore. If you just walk away from a potential conflict, ponder over whether it’s that necessary to bring up, or even wait until the next day to assess how you feel about something he may or may not have done, you might end up being surprised at how much you don’t really care about it after all.

SILENCE is the best form of nagging

I’ve realized the moment you stop talking, your words become louder. With that being said, you don’t have to go on and on forever, following him around the house and standing in front of the TV with your nagging. Just make a clear point in a calm manner and simply just stop talking. However, you may continue to be completely annoyed or aggravated by his behavior, but it’s best not to keep bringing it up. Men can’t stand when their woman is upset (unless they’re cold-hearted) and usually will give into your request. However, when your request is paired with nagging, your feelings can go in one ear and out the other. Nagging is an easy way for a man to ignore you, but when you make your point clear and let him know how he’s made you feel without all the extra stuff, he’s more likely to pay attention.

Nobody enjoys nagging

There is nothing alluring about being unhappy in a relationship. Contrary to popular male belief, a woman doesn’t enjoy nagging, but your man clearly has a hand in why you nag so much. It’s a subconscious thing our mouth does when our heart realizes that our man isn’t satisfying our needs, or for the control freak, when he’s not doing exactly what we want. So while your nagging is aggravating him, you’re aggravated by always feeling the need to remind him to help out, show up and take your feelings into consideration. Well, you know what they say about nagging: it takes two to tango (okay, well maybe no one says that, but it’s true).

Maybe you should stop nagging and consider moving on…

If you find yourself constantly bringing up issues to your partner who always fails to respond or change for the better, it may be time to review your relationship in general. Do you really want a partner who doesn’t want to communicate and doesn’t take your concerns seriously? After being in various courtships, I’ve realized that when the nagging starts, the value of the relationship has diminished. While repeating yourself may be fun for some, I’d prefer to communicate my feelings one, maybe two times and be able to get tangible feedback from my significant other. If you’re always nagging and he’s always ignoring your thoughts and opinions, maybe he’s not so significant after all.

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Many of us do it. And the thing is, it’s not because we actually get some kind of sick pleasure from nagging, we’d just like for the men in our lives to do the right thing…in a timely manner a.k.a. when we say so. Problem is, you’re probably reminding him of his mother.

Nagging can be more serious than just getting on his nerves. You could actually be pushing him away.

Check out the ways nagging might be ruining your relationship at Your Tango.com.

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