All Articles Tagged "moving out"

Dealbreaker Or Nah?: My Boyfriend Lives With His Parents

November 8th, 2013 - By Madame Noire
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From Single Black Male 

Off the strength of the title please allow me to clear something up: I do not think a 40 year old man living at home is the the business. That’s not a good look.

I thought this was a pretty interesting topic, so I decided to look up some statistics on census.gov

Between 2005 and 2011, the proportion of young adults living in their parents’ home increased, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The percentage of men age 25 to 34 living in the home of their parents rose from 14 percent in 2005 to 19 percent in 2011 and from 8 percent to 10 percent over the period for women.

Similarly, 59 percent of men age 18 to 24 and 50 percent of women that age resided in their parents’ home in 2011, up from 53 percent and 46 percent, respectively, in 2005. It should be noted that college students living in a dormitory are counted in their parents’ home, so they are included in these percentages.

Now it seems that across the board more young adults have delayed moving out of the house.

Much of everything these days has been delayed (i.e. marriage, having children). This could be contingent on a lot of things. I think a huge part of people living on their own depends on cost of living. Along with the cost of living, I also think having a job that provides a substantial salary is imperative.

Now I come to you speaking as a New Yorker living in the second most expensive borough, Brooklyn. It’s always been a goal of mine to be  self-sufficient by 25  or at least during 25. I’m currently 24 and I think my goal is attainable. Something I’ve realized in my two years since graduating is that it’s not easy  living on your own in Brooklyn. The prices landlords ask for studio apartments are out of line as far as I’m concerned. Maybe we could blame the Barclay’s. Maybe we should blame the resurgence of neighborhoods like Red Hook, Fort Greene and Williamsburg. Truth be told, it’s all irrelevant. These circumstances stop many people  from having their own place.

Read more at SingleBlackMale.org 

You Pay Rent, So Why Do You Hate Going Home? Knowing When It’s Time To Move Out

August 26th, 2013 - By Nicole Akoukou Thompson
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Every hair in the shower drain, every crumb on the kitchen counter, and every spec of descended fur from your roommate’s pair of moody cats echoes that it’s time for you to get the hell out of your living situation and find a new spot. Sometimes, the breaking point is long approaching, and sometimes you’re just one fake conversation away from putting everything you own in a comforter, and dropping it out of your window. Most of us know how to grin and bear it, how to keep the polite attitude long enough to not lash out. But having to suffer through the daily agony of withstanding an uncomfortable living situation truly does suck.

While the promise of having a perfect roommate (even when boarding with a friend) is a promise guaranteed to be left unfulfilled, there are some challenges that you shouldn’t have to face when living with another person. When you feel like you’re being managed or that you can’t be yourself in your own home; when you feel like your things aren’t safe or will be consumed and/or used in your absence; or, if the roomie just irritates the s**t out of you for an undisclosed number of reasons, then it’s time to start browsing Craigslist for a ‘spacey 1br with closet’. That is, if you’re trying to duck and dodge most broker’s fees. Also, if you’re made to feel uncomfortable or you’re forced to make plans just to keep busy, stay absent or otherwise distracted from your roommate, and you’re forced to slink from the front door to your bedroom like a trollop in order not to rouse the roommate’s attention, that’s another sign written in red. It’s unfair, particularly because you’re forking over a sizable chunk of your pay every month for rent and utilities. Beyond paying for a place to sleep, eat, and brush your teeth, you’re also paying for comfort.

For me, some decisions come on like a cold, a sudden moment of knowing; the sound of a person hacking up mucus, clipping finger nails, or moaning loudly can make the decision for me. The chatty, omnipresent, unemployed boyfriend of a roommate who meets me at every turn can be the deciding factor as well, especially after witnessing him spit into the kitchen sink. But retentiveness aside, if small things happen to be the determining factors, then it’s possible that there are larger dormant issues that have yet to be addressed, which you may or may not want to admit or recognize. Once, in a shared dorm, I had a roommate who would hit her ‘snooze’ button from the hours of 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., and another who had a slumbering boyfriend who was doing a permanent crash. While my issues with the two seem apparent, I later realized that fundamentally, these women were dissimilar to me in every way, and that exaggerated each fault of theirs in my mind. Both were privileged white women, with no awareness of personal politics or of their white privilege, and were both afforded the luxury of being overtly relaxed when it came to class attendance, finances, and responsibilities. It’s important to have a complete understanding of why you’re leaving a place, even it is simply about your roommate inviting herself into your room too often. But you should make sure you understand what the move is about so you know what to avoid when seeking future roommates.

Bad or unsuitable roommates aren’t the only reason we’re provoked to move. Let’s see, there are awful neighbors, lousy landlords, dodgy neighborhoods, noisy construction going on, and tiny living spaces are frequent reasons as well. Perhaps you have a landlord who won’t come and fix the random holes in the walls in your apartment, despite repeated requests. Or perhaps you live next door to a bar that blasts music from a.m. to p.m. Or maybe, just maybe, your upstairs neighbors do the ‘Insanity’ workout every morning, dead set on driving you insane. No matter the case, there’s a limit to how much you should have to rightly tolerate.

So, if you are planning on moving out, remember to give him/her notice (out of courtesy), and try to leave under good terms. While they might be a terrible roommate, there’s no reason to burn bridges. But when it’s time to go, do yourself a favor (and your sanity), and take the steps necessary to be able to hit the road…jack.

Breaking Up When You Live Together — How To Move Out Right

July 5th, 2013 - By Julia Austin
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Breaking up is hard enough without being put out of house and home. And if you did live with your man, odds are you thought you’d marry one day or at least be together for a long time: so this is no mild heartbreak. Every step of the move out during the breakup is delicate, and a misstep will make things much harder. So follow these guidelines.

Leaving The Nest – 9 Signs It’s Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House!

December 2nd, 2012 - By Brooke Dean
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If you’re lucky enough to be one of those “kids” who has a great relationship with his/her parents, lives at home and is stacking money to save for that dream home, then you definitely have the life! However, for most of us, being an adult and living at home doesn’t always make for an ideal living situation. Sure, there are situations were living at home with mom and dad is beneficial, even necessary. But if you’re over 25 years old and still sleeping in a twin size bed wondering what you’re doing with your life, here are some signs it’s time to raise up out of your parents’ house and find your own spot.

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  1. You’re There For THEM

Some people stay at home longer than they want to because their parents expect them to stay there – either to keep them company or until they get married. Maybe this is something parents expect more from their daughters than their sons, but if you find that you’re there to help your parents deal with the “empty nest syndrome” rather than living on your own, it’s time to sit them down and have a talk. Explain to your parents that just because you’re moving out, it doesn’t mean you’ll never come around to check on them or that you’re going to become a heathen turning your studio apartment into a den of sin (even if that is what you’re planning on doing with it). While it’s admirable that your parents want you to stay home until you get married, moving from your parents’ house to your husband’s house might not be what you had in mind. Your parents are grown and while they may miss you, they’ll get over it if you move out. They should want you to be independent, not rely on them for the rest of your life.

2. You Come Home Late – Often

If you’re moving back home after college graduation, it’s probably safe to say that you still like to party and hang out like you did back on campus. This means you’re used to coming home when you feel like it because there were no parents at home giving you a curfew. But now when you come home, you trip the alarm and wake up everyone in the house – and that’s if your parents aren’t already up waiting for you. Some of you may have folks that respect the fact that you’re no longer a child and have no problem with you coming home at all hours of the night. But if your parents think you’re being disrespectful by stumbling in at 3am every night, then you have to respect their house and find a place of your own so that you’re not disturbing anyone else.

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3. You’re the Babysitter

If you have a younger sibling who requires a babysitter, consider yourself that babysitter. Your parents will expect you to watch him or her – for free – and without complaint, which could dampen your plans on a Friday night. If you live at home, you’re the live-in nanny. But if you lived say, 30 minutes away, you might be able to weasel out of watching your younger sister because you can’t get there in time because of…traffic. Or it could be because you’re not home or because you’re grown, pay your own rent and are out doing what YOU want to do.

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4. The House is Crowded

Even if your parents don’t make you watch your younger siblings, there’s still a chance there’s always a house full with other family members. You can’t even invite your friends over because there’s no place for them to sit – so you’re all packed in the basement or the backyard because your house is too small to fit all these people. If you had your own place, you could spread out a little bit and relax. Even if you lived in a studio, it would be YOUR space – and no one has to be there but you.

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5. No Room For Your Stuff

Not only is it difficult to find space for you and your friends to hang out, you may not also have room for your personal things, especially if you’re sharing a room with someone. After 4 years of college, I managed to accumulate things and none of it fit into my mom’s house when I moved back home. Adults tend to buy things – electronics, clothes, shoes…stuff, and it may not fit into your room or parents’ basement. They also may not want you to clutter their home with your things and use it for storage so you’re limited to buying what fits in the confines of the four walls of your bedroom. If you find yourself longing for a new bedroom set, or a huge flat screen TV, then you should find your own apartment to put it in.

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6. No Privacy

If you suffer from any of the issues already mentioned, it is safe to say you probably have no room for privacy either. If you start dating someone, bringing them back to your “room” for some action probably isn’t so hot – not with mom and dad roaming around the house freely. So sex is pretty much out of the question unless you get busy at a hotel or the back seat of your car. You can’t even have a conversation on the phone without your younger brother ear hustling and you basically feel trapped because there’s nowhere to go to have a little “me” time. If this is you and you have a decent job, then you should have moved out yesterday.

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7. Rules

Depending on how old-school your folks are, living at home means following their rules. Whether this means coming in at a certain hour, not being able to stay out over-night, doing chores or anything else your parents require you to do while living under their roof, if their rules don’t sit well with you, then you may need to consider getting 2 or 3 jobs so that you can move out and save your sanity. After all, it istheir house and if you’re not paying rent, you really can’t tell them “no,” can you? Well, maybe you can, but they’d probably tell your grown behind to move out and pay your own rent and follow your own rules. Can’t say that I blame them. Get your own spot.

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8. You’re a Slob

Speaking of chores, if you’re a slob, then living at home with you is probably a nightmare. While I’d hope that one would be clean and neat even while living on his own, you don’t HAVE to wash dishes in your own place if you don’t want to. When you live alone, you don’t have to do laundry for a month if you don’t feel like it, and you can leave your clothes all over the place and no one can say boo about it. Again, I’m not saying being a slob is cute, but if you’re tired of your mom nagging you to pick up your socks or to move your shoes out of her way, then get your own place and be lazy and sloppy to your heart’s content. Just make sure to clean up before company comes over.

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9. You’re 30+ Years Old

Enough said. At some point, you just have to become an adult and know what it’s like to be responsible for yourself. This means paying rent or a mortgage. Again, if you live in an old-fashioned household where the expectation is to stay at home until you’re married, and you’re cool with that, then rock out. Or maybe you have the coolest parents on the planet where living at home is actually a pleasurable experience. But living on your own can also teach you to be more responsible, establish credit and can allow you to have a certain level of freedom that you can enjoy before you think about setting down with a family of your own (if that’s what you’d like). If you’re living at home to save money or because you need to take care of an ailing parent, the recession hit you hard or any other reason that has nothing to do with you simply being a leach – then so be it. But if any of the previous scenarios has you pulling your hair out, then begin your search for a new pad and sign a lease. It’s time.

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