All Articles Tagged "moving in together"

Messy Boots: Habits You Should Probably Kick Before Moving In Together

July 2nd, 2015 - By Julia Austin
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Image Source:

Your partner doesn’t really understand the extent of your messiness when he doesn’t live with you. But it’s a different story once you cohabitate. If you’re preparing to share space and bills by moving in together, these are messy habits you will eventually have to kick.

Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Move In Together

May 19th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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It’s not uncommon these days for couples to want to test the waters before entering a big commitment like marriage. Should this sound like something you’re interested in, please weigh your options before making that leap. Here are some questions to ask yourself before you move in with your love.

Read “Common Realities of Moving In Together

Thought It Was Going To Be All Roses? Common Realities Of Moving In Together

April 21st, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Moving In Together


Did you and your flame make the decision to move in together? It seems to be a very popular option these days, allowing couples to test the waters before taking the next step.

As excited as you might be to share an address, there are certain realities you face when you live with someone.

What To Expect When Your Partner Moves For You

January 8th, 2015 - By Julia Austin
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Overstuffed suitcase/packing


Whether you’re finally making a long distance relationship a close distance relationship, or a job opportunity takes you far away, there could come a time when your partner has to move away from his comforts to be with you. Leaving what’s familiar is always an adjustment, and sometimes a bumpy one, so be a little forgiving of your homesick man. Here’s what to expect when your partner moves for you.

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Our Families Are Very Religious, Should We Move In Together?

April 17th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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marriage makes a difference



I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five years and we’re thinking about moving in together. The thing is both of our families are very conservative and religious and they are vehemently against us moving in together. I understand where they’re coming from because I was raised like this. But it’s my life and my decision. But on the other hand I’m wondering if they see something in him that I can’t. What should I do in this situation?

Although cohabitation is often considered to be the bane of all pre-marriage acts by traditionalists, new data (found here) shows that living together before marriage is actually a good thing for mature couples both on the same page. Basically, whether it’s a good thing or not depends on the couple and the relationship.

As far as the pushback from both sets of parents, I have two theories:

1. If you both come from very religious backgrounds, I’m assuming pre-martial sex is also frowned upon by your families. And, while you might be sexually active now, actually living together might seem like more of an advertisement of it.

2. For marriage-minded people, five years is quite a long time for adults to be dating without getting hitched. Perhaps your parents see an incongruence there that you don’t see, and they consider cohabiting to just be an act that delays the inevitable break-up– and makes the break up much, much, much more difficult.

My advice? Move in together. But, make sure you have a clear and agreed upon plan for your future before you do.


Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at

Do you agree with Damon’s advice this week? Let us know what you think in the comment’s section.


Should We Move in Together?

November 1st, 2013 - By Nicole Akoukou Thompson
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

You and your boyfriend suffer the couple’s “crosstown/cross-borough hustle,” which demands an annoying commuting time, just so you two can see one another for a short meal, or a long embrace. That slight complication is in addition to the fact that you both hate your living situations.

So you think, and your boyfriend asks, “Should we move in together?” And you think, and your boyfriend wonders, should the answer be yes?

When I was asked, the immediate answer was an unintelligible string of words that, when put together, questioned if we were “ready.” And, while rattling on about “readiness,” I asked if moving in together was our “next step,” or just an act of convenience. Then, I ranted on, in tentativeness, about how I was fine with convenience, and then suggested that we would simply be roommates who dated. I did this despite frequently entertaining…no, vividly romanticizing the idea that we’d live together as a growing couple. And, his response to my machine gun replies was confusion, a nod, and a statement along the lines of, “It was just an idea.”

Yes, it was an idea, and to immediately dissect an idea like that rips away the romance. But to understand the details of why you’re cohabitng, and to figure out if it’s an appropriate time in your relationship for you to live together, is totally rational. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend going about it like I did, but a conversation should be had.

To begin, you have to learn if your partner is financially reliable, and you have to make sure that your finances are in order as well. Figure out who will handle bill payment, if one person will, or decide how payments will be divided. There’s nothing s*xy about talking about bills, but the only thing that is less s*xy is eviction.

Second, you and your partner have to identify your pet peeves and habits, and communicate them, and then decide if you two vibe well enough to live with those behaviors at this moment. If you can’t, you’ll spend a lot of time arguing or leaving passive aggressive notes.

Also decide if moving in together is a step toward a more serious relationship. As a couple, figure out what that means for you to make that move together. Does cohabiting mean that you’re simply growing your intimacy, strengthening you commitment, or setting a trail toward marriage? Or, perhaps the arrangement is much simpler than that. The reasoning can change during the discussion or while living together, but it’s good to recognize initial expectations.

And, speaking of expectation, discern who will handle which chores (cooking, cleaning and trash), and how often that’s expected to happen. Cooking every night is exhausting–especially if you work, so if it isn’t your thing, voice that early on. There’s nothing wrong with setting limits on chores or tasks. Also, concerning expectations, be vocal and honest about how much time you think you’ll spend in and out of the home. For most, part of the expectation when moving in with a significant other is to spend more time together, but if you have a lot of obligations and commitments that will keep you out of the home, then you need to communicate that.
Also privately or collaboratively consider discussing an exit strategy, just in cases things were to go south. Moving in together can be romantic, but it’s no reason not to be practical.

How To Tell In Advance If Moving In Together Is A Good Idea

May 16th, 2013 - By Julia Austin
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Before the entire day is spent configuring, packing, and taping up boxes; before the $300 is spent on movers; before giving up the apartment you love and searched for for months, and the selling of half your belongings that won’t fit in the new place, you should know—and we mean know—that cohabitation is more of a good idea than a bad one. And here’s how.

My Boyfriend Wants His Troubled Son To Come Live With Us But I’m Not Ready For That

May 10th, 2013 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
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From Essence

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am writing to you for some relationship advice. I am in a happy place in my relationship with my soul mate. We have been dating for quite some time and have been living together for two years. He is in the midst of building a fabulous home and totally has me in his future plans, and I love it all.

The only problem is that he has recently told me that he will be having his teenage son come live with us full time. The teen has a number of issues that they fail to address, like obesity, constant bed-wetting, lack of manners and poor hygiene. Do I put my feelings of happiness on the back burner or try to work out the new living arrangement? I am hoping you can provide me with some help on this one.


Read what Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this on

Pick Your Battles: Things You Have To Let Slide When Living Together

May 7th, 2013 - By Julia Austin
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"Couple moving in together pf"

When you move in with your boyfriend, a lot of his personal habits come to life that you never noticed before. Some of these affect the pillars of your relationship. Meanwhile some of them are just a mild inconvenience. Learn to pick out the things that matter from the things you should let slide for a peaceful, happier home!

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why You Shouldn’t Live Together Before Marriage

January 9th, 2013 - By madamenoire
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Although I’m referred to as one in certain circles (including here), I’m not a fan of the title of “relationship expert.” Expertise implies that a person has every right answer, and with a subject as varied, nuanced, and randomly arbitrary as romantic relationships, it’s just not possible to have right answers all of the time. In that sense, there’s no such thing as a “relationship expert.”
But, although I’m aware calling my knowledge “expertise” may not be applicable, the advice I give is derived from a combination of experience, education, and observation that helps me determine probabilities. For instance, if a woman asks whether she should stay with a man who has been cheating on her but swears he’s going to be faithful now, while it is possible that he may be telling the truth, experience, education, and observation has shown me that in most situations like this, the guy eventually reverts to his old ways. My advice just mirrors what I think is the most likely outcome.
I’m bringing this all up because there are dozens of different dating/relationship questions, theories, and concerns where there are no real right answers. While one side may seem more likely to occur, you can easily make the argument that the other side is in fact the right answer. Today’s topic—Why I believe people should wait until marriage before living together—is a perfect example.
You can just as easily craft a convincing pro pre-marriage cohabitation argument. If in a committed, monogamous, adult relationship, it may make more practical sense to live together. First is the obvious. Both parties will have the opportunity to save money. And, with your combined incomes, you may be able to afford a larger place and nicer things. Also, if you do plan on eventually getting married to each other, the pre-marriage cohabitation period can be a bit of a test run to see how things might be in the future. Plus, there are certain things you just won’t know about someone unless you live with them, and it’s better to learn “secrets” like “This bastard brushes his teeth like three times a week!” and “Damn, ever since she moved in, my bathroom smells like whiting.”
But, the convincing co-habitation argument fails to consider one of the die hard truths about relationships: most relationships end. When you’re not living together and the relationship ends, aside from deleting your own boo from your Facebook page, there’s really nothing else you have to do. But, cohabitation just makes things messier, more drawn out. Who stays and who moves out? Who keeps what furniture? Since you were splitting bills before, how is that going to be handled now? Also, as I learned, a post-cohabitation break-up ensures that you will have to continue seeing and interacting with each other for at least a few weeks while you figure everything out. When this happens, you’re not able to make the type of clean break necessary in order for a relationship to truly end, and this has a tendency to put you in a “are we or aren’t we?” limbo that ends up making things even worse.
Most importantly, with pre-marriage cohabitation, you’re committing yourself to husbandly and wifely duties without any type of husbandly and wifely commitment. Yes, this can happen even without living together, but when you are sharing the same space, that dynamic basically just creates itself. And, while doing this may seem cool in theory, ultimately one party (or both parties) will feel taken advantage of, and/or tire of “playing” married couple without actually being a married couple, and this can put another level of unnecessary strain on the relationship.
I do realize many couples aren’t going to wait for marriage to live together, and it’s probably unrealistic to expect that to happen in every case. With that being said, I do believe that any couple planning to cohabit should have a plan. Not a plan to save money or a plan to have sex more conveniently, but an actual timeline with a clear expectation of where the relationship is headed. You may not agree with me, but experience, education, and observation tells me that I’m probably right.
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at