All Articles Tagged "motherhood"
“I Don’t Have To Be At Home With The Kids All Day”: Nia Long Speaks On Juggling Motherhood And Her Career
Nia Long is the mother to two beautiful young boys, the longtime girlfriend of NBA assistant coach Ime Udoka and the star of current box office hit The Best Man Holiday.
Hello Beautiful caught up with Nia Long at the press junket for the highly-anticipated sequel, and she shared the key to juggling her ever-demanding life. To our surprise, she admitted there’s no secret at all! “I’m so not balanced,” she gushed, laughing.
“I just do what is necessary in the moment,” the 43-year-old beauty said. “If it’s the kids the need attention. I take care of that…My brain is like split in half. Half is for myself and half is for the kids.”“And I think that is a mother’s journey to make sure that they come first but to never loose yourself in the process,” she added. “So when I go from being mom in my Uggs and my jeans and my t-shirt, and I have to come walk in these heels, I’m like, ‘Can somebody carry me because I forgot how to walking heels?’ And I think every mom feels that way.”
Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
Well, this was the moment all of the Beyoncé fans and stans had been waiting on for months. The moment when another full song would be released. It finally happened on Friday and now the question is, does it live up to the hype?
We gave you a short clip of Beyoncé’s “God Made You Beautiful” last month and from that sneak peek, many of you weren’t too impressed. But with the Life is But A Dream documentary set to be released in days, it seems her team decided it was okay to let the one new song featured on the dvd “leak” to the masses.
In “God Made You Beautiful,” Bey talks not only about the moment Blue was born, but also what life has been like and how she’s changed Beyoncé since being born”
You were bought into my life
I kiss those little feet and watch for your perfect smile
and when it comes the world stops in your eyes
I found love, I found peace of the purest kind
It is alleged that Bey wrote the song herself because, hey, who knows this particular experience better than her? The lyrics are nice and there are some nice harmonies, but overall, it seems like it’s missing that special “something.” Maybe it’s just me.
As a matter of fact, who cares what I think! The bigger question is to you…pass or play?
This past week, Kim Kardashian shared with her Instagram followers a donkalicious photo of herself. While fans and boyfriend Yeezus approved, some looked at her photo with disdain. Our MadameNoire readers claimed her “look-back-at-it” selfie was “tacky and narcissistic.” Others noted her reputation with men and how she will never be wife material for Kanye West because of her attention-seeking antics. Most importantly, many who commented stated that her photo was not “mommy-like.”
As I read and listened to the commentary on Kim, I thought of my friends. Although we try not to take those selfies with our defined arms, legs and curves too seriously, we joke about the reason why some of us work out now: We desire to snap-back quickly after our future children have been delivered. Let’s be real, American society is fascinated with weight loss and sex appeal, especially when celebrity mothers are involved. Ashleigh Schmitz of Parade magazine writes:
“It’s no secret that celebrities bounce back from pregnancy faster than the average woman. After all, their schedules and job demands practically insist that they automatically zip up their size 0 jeans within a few weeks of their newborn’s first Instagram selfie. Who can forget Heidi Klum strutting down the Victoria’s Secret runway a mere 5 weeks after giving birth to her fourth child in 2009?”
As people continuously speak on what a mother should be or look like, it makes me wonder, where did we get these rules from?
Through social media and television we have come to know Kim as a media-opportunist. During the latest season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, she claimed that as soon as she delivered Baby North she would love to pose for Playboy magazine again. The Huffington Post reports:
“Kardashian’s insecurity about losing her sex appeal and cool factor during her pregnancy is something that has been explored this season on the show. In earlier episodes, Kardashian was seemingly obsessed with her teenage sister Kylie Jenner’s opinion on everything, and was on a quest to appear on her Tumblr as a sign that she was still cool.”
Although people may feel Kim K. has a marketed personality, her insecurity runs rampant in everyone. As my friends and I approach the height of our mid-20s, we have conversations about what it means to get older. Maturity means losing parts of yourself that you have grown accustomed to. During her pregnancy, Kim did not receive the friendliest feedback regarding her body size or fashion. Unlike the average woman who has given birth, Kim’s transition into motherhood was not only personal but also extremely public. As one of Hollywood’s “sex symbols,” she’s trying to figure out how to walk the line between being who folks know her to be, and developing into North West’s mother.
As people question her maternal instincts and what she should and shouldn’t be doing as a new mom, be reminded of Toni Braxton, who has two sons, contemplating if she too, should pose for Playboy during the second season of Braxton Family Values. And during interviews, mother and actress Paula Patton consistently discusses her sex life with husband Robin Thicke, even sharing how big his package is. Surprisingly enough, these women along with others have not been talked about as ladies missing the maternal gene. Or perhaps, there is no special gene that sets “real mothers” apart? When observing my own mother or aunts, I realize that being a “good” mom depends on how a woman chooses to develop herself, if she’s there for her child, nurturing the child (or children) and making sacrifices. Does one photo really have an impact on that? If you ask me, there’s not one way to be or act when you’re a mother, just as there isn’t one right or wrong way to be a woman.
Do you think Kim Kardashian is a good mom?
From the moment I found out I was expecting, I thought to myself, “Will I make a good mother?” That, and “Oh no! What did I do!?”
Prior to getting pregnant, I viewed motherhood as a spectator sport. I have nephews, a Godson, and besties with children; all of their mothers have different parenting styles and they’re all great mothers. Then there are those women that I observe on the street, in the subway, at the mall, in a restaurant – anywhere – that give me pause. I found myself making judgments; I’m not proud of this fact, but it happens.
I cringe at the mother who is giving her baby soda and donuts for breakfast on the train. I wince when a mother curses at her child at the mall. And I try to keep myself from giving a disapproving stare when I see a child scream or hit their mother and call her out her name because she told him “no” when he asked if he could have a toy.
But then I think, “I have no children…so what do I know?”
Now it’s my turn, and it’s my job to figure out what I’d feed my son, how I’d handle a tantrum, and what preschool I should send him to – all personal decisions that have nothing to do with anyone else. I’m sure once I become a parent, someone will give their own disapproving stare of how I choose to raise my child.
I’m approaching the six months mark and I catch myself at the doctor’s office studying the parenting magazines. You should breastfeed until the kid is 20 years old, only feed him organic food, start teaching him different languages at six weeks old, giving piano lessons at age three and the list goes on and on. If you follow their rules, your child should have no problem being accepted into the college of their choice.
I’ll be lucky if I change his diaper correctly.
Arming yourself with information can be useful. But too much expert advice can lead you into the trap of believing that there is only one right way to do things, and that if you’re not doing it that way your kids will suffer. That, of course, is the perfect recipe for mother’s guilt.
The reality is, there is no recipe for what it takes to be a good mother. Sometimes mothers lose patience. They yell. They feed their kids junk sometimes because it’s just easier at that moment. Some mothers let their kids get away with things that they shouldn’t because they’re just…tired. But one of the things that those articles never mention is that children are very resilient, smart…and they know that when you act in love that you’re acting on their behalf. That’s being a good parent.
For now, I’ll just have to trust my internal mothering guide. They say kids don’t come with directions, but they sort of do in the form of their parents. The directions are your instincts and values that you use to make sound decisions. If you make a decision about your child that comes from love and having faith in yourself (and a higher power if that’s part of your belief system), you should do just fine. It’s the internal critic that many of us need to muzzle because it does the most damage. Without that little voice inside our heads creating doubt about our mothering skills, comments and judgments made by others would be less likely to take hold.
Doing what you believe is best for your children and your family makes you a good mother, no matter if it fits anyone else’s standard (so long as you’re not deliberately hurting them or putting them in harm’s way). There will always be decisions you make that others will be able to find fault with, but your true allegiance is with your kids. When you’re comfortable with your decisions, you need to stand in them and own them and recognize that the only one you have to answer to is yourself and your child. You don’t have to answer to anyone else.
When all is said and done, being a mother means tuning in to what really matters. I can’t wait to look into my child’s eyes and see that sparkle, the confirmation that tells me that he loves me. It’s that little feeling right there gives me confidence that I just might join my sister, and all the other great mothers that I know, in making a great mother one day.
It hasn’t even been a year since Tamera Mowry-Housley gave birth to her adorable son, Aden, and she’s already making plans for baby number two.
“I am planning on having a second baby. My doula says the 10-month spot is the sweet spot because I’m having so much fun with my son. He sleeps through the night; he’s mobile, but not to the point where he’s breaking my back. That’s usually the time that people are like, ‘Okay, I’m ready for No. 2.’ That’s where I am right now,” the 35-year-old first time mom told OK! magazine.
She went on to say that if she is lucky enough to conceive twins this time, she would be thankful, but added that twins can be quite a handful.
“If I was blessed with twins, of course, I would be very grateful and very happy. However, having twins is a lot of work, so I physically—or mentally—can’t imagine taking care of two at the same time.”
Being a twin herself, Tamera also offered advice for anyone who may be raising twins, regarding the importance of individuality.
“It’s a lot of work. Make sure that people don’t see them as one person…It’s important to realize that they may look alike… and they may have come out at the same time, but they’re individuals. Treat them that way.”
Those Mowry girls love being moms, that’s for sure!
Naming your child is a big decision, and for parents of color, it’s especially loaded. Will my child not be able to get a job if I name him something “too ethnic”? Will he be made fun of in school? An opinion piece on the New York Time’s Motherlode blog puts the whole thing into perspective with a new, sobering perspective. One mom-to-be found that when she Googled potential “black” names for her son, all she saw were mug shots. Nikisia Drayton is expecting a son with her boyfriend, who suggested they name their son Keion. Their friends and family were shocked, with her mother saying flat out, “Hell no…too ghetto.” Drayton was hesitant at first, too, but looking into the name’s origins made her feel better about the decision:
“Keion means ‘born of nobility’ and ‘God is gracious.’ Its origins are eclectic: Hebrew, African, Irish and Hawaiian. I felt in my heart that this should be my son’s name.”
But further digging didn’t have the same positive results:
“I’d accepted ‘Keion,’ but what about the rest of the world? I gave the name what I have now coined the ‘Google test:’ I typed ‘Keion name’ in the image search box. To my surprise, my computer screen loaded images of African-American young men posing for their mug shots. Trying desperately to grasp at straws of hope for my baby boy, I tried a variant of Keion which is spelled K-i-a-n. The results were dramatically different. Smiling photographs of Caucasian males could be seen with every scroll of my mouse. I could not believe the change.”
Read more on MommyNoire.com.
‘Love & War’ Is Already Topping The Charts! Tamar Talks New Album, Married Life And Adjusting To Mommyhood
For the past three seasons of Braxton Family Values, we’ve witnessed the youngest Braxton sister, Tamar, fight to emerge from the shadows of her superstar older sister Toni. We’ve watched her invest blood, sweat and tears as she relentlessly fought to make her dreams of becoming R&B’s next big superstar come to fruition. As of 2:57 PM today, the reality star’s newly released Love & War album has already moved up to number two on the iTunes charts, in addition to being marked as a #1 bestseller on Amazon.com. The new mom also appeared on Good Morning America to discuss the success of her album, how she’s adjusting to motherhood and the joys of married life. Check out some highlights from her interview below.
On Love & War:
“It took about a year to do. I feel like it’s my best work yet. I know it is. During the last season of Tamar & Vince, our relationship went through a lot and I like to say that this is the soundtrack to our relationship, Love & War. Everybody experiences love, but sometimes it feels like war.”
On how she’s adjusting to motherhood now:
“It’s going great. Logan is the love of my life. He’s a great kid and he sleeps all night. I’m lucky.”
Check out footage from Tamar’s interview on the next page.
As a child I was quite the ‘girly’ girl. I played with dolls, lived in pretty dresses and adored makeup. Even at a young age I was tapped into my womanhood. I knew exactly the type of woman I would be, the kind that studied law and went on to be a stylish but intelligent criminal defense attorney. I would live in a cute and spacious one bedroom and drive an affordable car until I gifted myself with a more luxurious one upon law school graduation. My counterpart would be equally educated and ambitious. We would be great together, almost perfect. Eventually the relationship would grow and we would make more of a commitment to each other, living together, sharing bank accounts and planning our future.
This nearly perfect picture just didn’t include one thing: children. I never saw a future that included children. I’m not sure when it happened, but as far back as I can recall I have never seen myself as a mother. My sister and I would play with our dolls and pretend house. However, I could never relate to the mother role. I understood what being a mother meant; the enormity of it was overwhelming to me. I believe it was that understanding that made it so I had no wish for having a child of my own. I’m not sure if it’s the weight of being responsible for another life or the amount of work involved, or maybe I just didn’t have the maternal instinct I’ve heard about so often. I simply did not want to be a mother–until my abortion.
Not all aspects of my dream life happened exactly the way I envisioned it. I graduated college, yes, but never made it to law school. I had a great job and a very active social life and for the most part my life was seemingly good. The part of my life that ended up being different from my expectations was my relationship with men. I won’t rehash the long list of “he should have been the one, he could have been the one, or he would have been the one… if”. We would be here for a very, very long time. Let’s just say I haven’t really met the “one”. However, there was one who got closer than any other. So close in fact, the whole experience has altered me forever.
It was wonderful in the beginning. There was love and laughter. We progressed along quite seamlessly and very naturally. Almost two years later, we went away on a trip to celebrate my birthday. There was a gorgeous hotel, wine tasting, a Jacuzzi and amazing warm weather. All the fixings for the perfect romantic weekend. It was bliss! And then a month later it became hell. I was pregnant and my world came crashing down. Me? Pregnant? I was blown away.
I was so stunned and confused that I told myself over and over again there has to be some kind of mistake. But no mistake about it, I was with child. I cried and cried, and when I thought I had no more tears, I cried some more. From the start of our relationship he and I discussed having children and I knew he, very much like myself, did not want anything to do with kids or becoming a parent. Telling him was incredible hard but dealing with his reaction was so much harder. His lips started to move but as he spoke it felt like a fog had come over us and it was hard to see or hear. I only heard the word abortion. It rolled around in my head, over and over like dice hitting the table. When it finally stopped I realized that was just the beginning. In not so many words he told me the relationship would be over if I kept the pregnancy. Conflicted, panic-stricken and scared could not sufficiently described how I felt. There were so many emotions I felt all at once that it consumed me. I didn’t want children but I didn’t want to get an abortion. I didn’t want my relationship to end but I didn’t want to be a single mother.
Read more on MommyNoire.com.
Seriously, does Janelle Monáe ever take a bad photograph?
Thw 27-year-old beauty graced the cover of the August issue of Vibe Vixen and she looks absolutely amazing. In her feature interview, she discussed her new album, Electric Lady and the crucial role that Erykah Badu has been playing in her creative process. The Kansas City native also dished on her love life and plans for future children.
On her personal evolution:
“I’ve evolved. When you realize it’s your responsibility to be a leader and create the world that you want to see, you have to do it. It’s my responsibility to create music and come up with ideas that keep my community first.”
On her love life:
“An android is my preference—two androids and a cyborg. I’m someone who sees your spirit and soul. I love passionate androids; one that knows exactly what it’s going to do in life. I love smart androids, idealists, leaders, but good followers. Androids that are compassionate, honest, can make me laugh, knows how to handle an Electric Lady and supports an Electric Lady’s dreams, and wings when it’s time to fly.”
“When the time is right. Everything is about timing. Right now, I’m giving birth to this album, the Electric Lady. I feel like I need Erykah Badu because she is a midwife and it’s time to push this baby on out. It is one I’m ready to go out in this world and change lives and do something great for her community.”
On if she’d ever put out a rap album:
“I’m flattered that people wonder that. I love rap music, and I love hip-hop. I use rap as a way to communicate [and tell a story]. Yes, I will keep that in my thoughts.”
“I love rap music, I love hip hop—not it all—but I will say I use rap as a way to communicate. Singing and performing is a way to get across this urgency that I often want to get across in my music. I wrote the rap for Q.U.E.E.N. faster than the lyrics.”
On being a CoverGirl model:
“I feel privileged to stand alongside strong women like Ellen DeGeneres, Pink, Sophia Vergara, and Queen Latifah. We come in many shapes and sizes, colors. CoverGirl inspires young girls to dream big and say ‘I can be a CoverGirl too.’”
Check out some flicks from her fly photo shoot on the following pages.
The self-proclaimed Queen of all Media, Wendy Williams, appeared on BET’s Lift Every Voice last year with popular Christian media personality, Cory “Coco Brother” Condrey. During the interview, Wendy showed a much softer side than the one we’re used to seeing on her daytime television program, the Wendy Show. The 49-year-old Jersey girl opened up about being a family woman, suffering multiple miscarriages and her relationship with God. Peep some of the highlights below.
On suffering multiple miscarriages:
“Well, he actually answers it three times before our son. I’ve had two five month miscarriages, which is one of the most painful things to go through in life. Turns out I had a weak cervix, so I (had) two five month miscarriages–devastating. At five months, every mother has already named the child. With Kevin I got a cerclage. A cerclage was a big stitch to hold my uterus closed and I stayed on bed rest. So I did my radio show from home, to take my mind off of it. I had the contraption monitor in our bedroom. My husband would leave me a cooler full of food. I gained a 103 pounds, I was a nervous wreck but I brought this boy into this world. Pushed him right out, after an epidural. And I didn’t want (to) let go of him. I held so tight that I had cramps in my arms. 11 years later here we are. I wish that I could’ve had another one and did the twins thing. I never had a problem getting pregnant, I had a problem keeping the child. I have one son here and two daughters in the cross roads.”
On keeping part of her family life private:
“I talk it, but you don’t see it and you will probably never get a chance to see that. That’s secret, that’s my time. I give so much of myself on the talk show, and I given so much of myself in the past with my radio show, I’ve been honest about so many things, that other people would wilt and die rather than share.”
“The only thing you know about me as a family woman is what I tell you, but what I tell you is sweet enough.That’s very personal. I’ve shared everything. I’ve shared miscarriages, I’ve shared drug addiction but I do it all methodically and I methodically pick and choose not what to share. That family thing is everything.”
On her husband:
“My husband came into my life 17 years ago, we’ve been married for 14 years. He came into my life as the wind beneath my wings. He is the real deal, he is my manager, my partner, but he does not care about the shine. When this show first started, it was like pulling teeth to get him to participate in a get to know Wendy feature in People Magazine. And it was like pulling my teeth for me to want my son to be involved in that piece.”
On being a mom:
“My son was born into this and he (didn’t) ask for it. He is just as a kid with a mom who happens to have a TV show and that’s how we like to play that. I like to protect him and what he does and I have to watch I say and I what I share on hot topics in regard to my family.”
On her relationship with God:
“I was raised going to Second Baptist Church in Asbury Park. No, I don’t go to church now with my own family but I worked that out with the Lord. He understands that I don’t have to appear in church to be close to him, we have our own relationship. I am Mrs. Hunter. I am Kevin’s mother and I am Kevin’s wife and I will fight to the death for my family. I like being married and I also like having a career and a family. I wouldn’t be happy without my family but guess what I wouldn’t be happy without my career. I couldn’t be a housewife, with all due respect. I’m not that girl tough as nails who can go home at the end of the day and I don’t care how fabulous my job is or how much money I make and I don’t care how fabulous my home would be, I would not be happy without a husband and children. Girlfriends just don’t do it for me that way.”
“I never didn’t believe in god or jesus, so I never had to say I need both in order to make it. I never thought of leaving to not have both. I’m not an atheist.”
Turn the page to watch Wendy’s emotional interview.