All Articles Tagged "motherhood"
As a parent, there are constant roads you must navigate — sometimes without a GPS. Just when you think you have a handle on things, here comes something new and lovely, that also happens to make you nervous.
This is how I felt last year when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. Becoming a mother for the first time in early 2014 (yup, your math is right), my husband and I knew we wanted our kids to be close in age. We just had no idea they would come this close (they’re 17 months apart). The feelings of Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant! turned into, Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant?
Reading Ayesha Curry’s beautiful piece on The Bump really resonated with me. The wife of NBA champ and “Golden Boy” Stephen Curry, the two have are proud parents of Riley, 3, and welcomed daughter Ryan almost two months ago.
Like her, I found myself asking those common questions mothers have before child number two comes along. Can I love just as much as I do my first? Will I have the same excitement once I see that precious face for the first time?
I’ll admit, there were nights I stayed in thinking about this that made me more nervous than I needed to be. As silly as that might sound, it took having my child to realize that I was not only capable of becoming a mother for the second time (and dealing with those late night feedings), but had all the room in my heart I needed for my second son.
Ayesha’s words perfectly capture how I felt:
” After nine months of worrying, Ryan was born and I didn’t find the space in my heart to love her…my heart grew! I didn’t have to try, worry or search for this mysterious love I was going to give her—it just happened. God created a special place in my heart that is just for her, as he did for Riley and as he did when I fell in love with my husband.”
Once I got over the shock of delivering without medical assistance again (my second son was a little bigger than his brother), everything clicked when they put his semi-gooey body on my chest. Clinging to me for a sense of security, my heart overflowed with pure joy.
Currently having a two-month-old and 19-month-old is now walk in the park — especially when you work from home, but has been one of the best experiences of my life. Being a second-time mom makes me realize how much love I can have if I just allow myself to stop worrying for a minute and take in each moment.
main image via instagram
Parenting is not an easy job. You are responsible for the life of another human being 24/7 and if you have multiple children your worrying is just amplified. However, life is about balance and too much of anything isn’t always a good thing. If worrying over your child has become all-consuming, you may be a helicopter mom.
A helicopter parent is defined as someone who hovers over their child 24/7 and obsesses over protecting them in every single aspect of their day. There is nothing wrong with being close with your child, but if you are starting to wonder if you have developed some helicopter ways, check out some of the signs below:
1. You Spoil Them Constantly
There isn’t anything wrong with buying things for your kids, but if you are buying the cutest clothes, latest gadgets, and newest cell phones all the time when they aren’t even asking for it, you might be overdoing it.
2. Letting Go Is Very Hard To Do
If it is almost physically impossible to let them out of your sight, no matter what age, you could be a helicopter parent.
3. Your Child Is Always Right
If you are the one that is constantly defending everything about your child and thinks the teacher is crazy when they say your kid could use a little improvement, you are probably a helicopter mom. Helicopter parents are always making excuses for their children.
4. Your Child Always Looks Over-Prepared
It’s time for the school camping trip and your child shows up with an overstuffed backpack, knee pads and goggles so that nothing flies in their eyes. If this is your kid, you are probably a helicopter mom.
5. You Are The Homework Over Achiever
If you start out helping with homework and by the end you have actually taken over and are writing it yourself, you could be a helicopter mom. You want them to succeed so badly that you aren’t letting them do it for themselves.
6. You Make All The Choices
You could be hovering a little too much if you are picking out their clothes, choosing their friends, their food, and all of their extra-curricular activities. In order for them to grow and become more independent they need to start making some decisions on their own.
If you happen to be any or all of these things you may want to consider trying to let go just a little. You are doing a great job as a parent and part of that job is to slowly ease up and allow your child to become more and more independent. Plus, it could boost their self-confidence if they know that you’re starting to trust their judgment more.
One thing that might help you ease up a little is to pursue some things you love, solo. When you take your mind off your little one so that you can have a relaxing time, you’ll end up being a better mom anyway.
In case you didn’t know, Jill Scott is in fact back. After taking a break from the music scene for some time, Jill is bringing us up to speed with her new album Woman — that also happens to be her second number one album on the Billboard 200 chart.
The 43-year-old Grammy winner and actress has opened up about life as a single mom, and how she’s moving on from divorce and a broken engagement. No matter how much pain she’s faced, one thing is quite clear: Her 6-year-old son Jet remains her constant light at the end of the tunnel.
“Jet is the reason for putting me back together, absolutely. He’s teaching me about everything, from nature to honesty to being vulnerable. He’s – wow!”
Questioning whether or not she could be a good single mother, Scott tells the San Diego Union-Tribune she receives confirmation every time Jet hits her with the knowledge she tried to drop on him.
“He shines a light on me, all the time, and then I get those good hugs and kisses from him, and it’s everything.”
Good morning. Jahreymecofasola!!! (correct spelling) 😊❤️ pic.twitter.com/xIHebKzkqZ
— ⭐Jill Scott⭐ (@missjillscott) July 25, 2015
It’s quite evident that young Jet continues to strengthen his mother, likely in ways hell never know.
“Jet is the reason for putting me back together, absolutely. He is teaching me with his beautiful, innocent, wholehearted, childlike love.”
Check out the music video for “You Don’t Know”
Whether a mother of one or five, tough and trying days are inevitable. But it’s important to remember that you rock! You are victorious and more than a conqueror. You possess the infinite power to overcome anything. There is no burden too big for you to defeat. The following list includes uplifting and inspirational quotes to help with renewing and focusing your mind on what’s important: your babies. These quotes will get you through the day and will remind you of your strength and power. We often forget that the daily responsibilities of mothering show us even more just how much we rock – from balancing it all to taking care of oneself, it’s a full-time job and you’re doing it!
17 Uplifting and Inspirational Quotes for Moms
By LaTasha Brown
“How’s motherhood?” is the question people always ask. I never know what answer they’re expecting.
The job of a mother is a role that I’ve learned to do with a smile, regardless of the craziness behind the curtain. It’s one of which I don’t expect too much mention, attention, or praise. It’s one of those things that I’m learning every day. It is truly the hardest job that I’ll ever have in life. Most days I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. A lot of days, I second-guess myself. I wonder if I’m passing the test. I hope my son notices my effort, because his opinion is the only one that counts anyway. Right?
But then there was that one time at work, when I was walking down the hallway when a co-worker stopped me and randomly said, “You’re doing a great job.” Thinking he was talking about my work; and consequently, my work ethic, I replied, “Thanks,” as I continued my stride. He stopped me again and said, “No, really. Granted, I don’t know what your personal situation is, nor am I inquiring. Just know that you’re doing well as a mom.” I was taken aback, completely off guard. My co-worker and I often talk about our kids and the role of parents. But today, his comment was unexpected.
It wasn’t Mother’s Day, or my birthday. It was just a moment of acknowledgement.
It made me realize we mothers don’t praise each other enough. The fact is, we are all doing the best we can with whatever we have. We are doing all of it with little-to-no sleep. We are doing it with the occasional stained shirt and messy topknot bun, but never short of a smile. I very rarely think people are noticing, and very rarely care, but I’d be lying if I told you my co-worker’s comment didn’t make me smile a bit. I’ll even admit, it gave me an extra boost – a boost to keep going.
Sometimes, we need that pep talk to come from other people, rather than ourselves to say, “Good Job!” Or simply, “Keep going!”
The other day, I was talking to my friend, who’s a mom of a two-year-old. She spoke of suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the role of mommyhood. Little did she know, I totally look up to her when it comes to being one of those moms who has it all together. Simply put, she makes it look easy. Then I realized that I’d never expressed how much I’d admired her zest and overall coolness about her role as mom. So in that moment, I did. To her surprise, she was appreciative for the praise and acknowledgement. She said it meant a lot and needed that more than she had realized.
You see, we all need to hear encouraging words. Yes, even us strong, super moms!
So to the mom, who is stressed and overwhelmed, keep going.
To the mom, who appears to have it all together, we see you!
To the mom who doubts herself, you’re doing a great job.
To the mom working countless hours to provide for her family in and outside of the home, thank you.
You are appreciated.
I am a true believer that no hard work goes unnoticed. And let’s face it, being a mom is hard work. We are all doing our best and doing what is right for us, all the while, hoping to make positive impressions on our little ones so they can pay it forward. But it starts with us moms.
Today, let’s do a Pay It Forward challenge, and give thanks and encouragement to a mommy friend or two. I guarantee it will be right on time for her – when she needs it most.
It’s 6:00 a.m. and after I’ve gotten a few hours of sleep, one of my twin toddlers starts stirring. Like a lightening bolt, I get up and scurry to the kitchen to prepare their morning smoothie before they are both fully awake. With one eye open I blend the smoothie, put the tater tots in the toaster oven, and fill two sippy cups with water. Then I feed them, change diapers, brush teeth, get tons of hugs and kisses, comb hair and set up playtime. After about an hour of playtime (in which I play referee because of the constant fighting), I then prepare two sandwiches with snacks. Then we go to a playground or have some kind of outing. After that, it’s naptime and during naptime I start to prepare their dinner and clean up the house. They wake up from their nap, eat, play, give more hugs and kisses, watch cartoons and it’s almost time for bed and time to do it all over again.
Now, lets be clear here, this is not about complaining because I love being a mother and adore my children because I fully commit my mind, body and soul to raising twin toddlers 24/7. But I think it’s safe to say that I deserve a break for an hour or two once a week.
I once had an issue asking for a little help because society has a tendency to make us think that if you’re a mom you are just supposed to have it all together. It’s thought that asking for help or having the mommy blues is a sign of weakness as a mother. Well, now I know that’s not true…this is not an easy job and it’s ok to say it.
Stop Worrying About What Others Think
You and only you know that your break away from your kids is not an attempt to escape to a beach and put your feet up, it’s merely the desire to feel like a human being with your own thoughts for an hour or two. One way to help you feel more comfortable that you are not alone is to find stories online of moms who tell their crazy, funny kid stories. A good laugh once a day will help you lighten up and realize that all moms go through the same things whether they want to admit it or not.
Set A Specific Amount Of Time
Ok, so when people suggest that moms need to set a certain day and time for themselves it’s completely unrealistic because when you have kids, random things come up all the time. All that will do is lead to disappointment when you have to keep canceling your “mommy” time. So instead, set an amount of time–like an hour or half an hour–that you want once a week of pure, uninterrupted time.
Have a conversation with your significant other, mother or maybe even a girlfriend you trust letting them know that you really need a break on a weekly basis and ask if they help you out. If no one is available, then maybe you can have your break when your little one goes on a play date over a friend’s house.
Change Your Perspective
If you allow your outlook to be negative about not having enough time to yourself, it will consume you. Instead of feeling bad, make the best out of the little breaks you do have. If they take a two hour nap, don’t spend the whole time cleaning up around the house. Instead, make their food and then take an hour to yourself to watch a show, read a book or just be still.
Yes I said it, learn how to say no. Your mother just called and needs yarn for her knitting group, the school just called and wants to know if you can head up the bake sale again, and your husband says he can’t watch the kids as promised because it’s ‘guys night’ again. The answer to all of these needs to be ‘no.’ And please don’t feel bad about it. You probably do for these people all the time and say yes most of the year, so it’s ok to listen to your inner self and say no just because it’s too much and your sanity is more important.
Wow, Tina looks good in that bikini! you think, strolling through your Facebook feed. She just had the baby last month. How did she do it?
And there’s Nessa and her man in Dubai. The last time you and the hubby had a vaca Bush was President. Wonder who watches the kids?
Ah, look at Lisa’s spa day with the girls. You couldn’t get a sitter…
Switches to Instagram.
Damnit! Why didn’t anyone tell you that Stevie Wonder was playing a concert in Central Park?! Don’t they know how you feel about Stevie? There was that one time you and your mom risked getting cancer staying at the dankest, darkest, mildewy-est hotel room in New Orleans (you booked late) for Essence Fest, just to see him? But, man, it was worth it. You’d fly to the moon to see Stevie. To think that all you had to do was jump on the freakin’ subway train is maddening! And just look at everyone smiling like this could be his last concert on earth. Damn your life and everyone on social media!
It’s like you never get to do anything fun. Most days feel like a constant grind between work and the kids. And it’s not like you don’t enjoy spending time with them, it’s just that you want to be able to do some of the things you used to, like pick up and go!
Yet moms on social media are everywhere doing everything and sometimes you feel like that old newspaper sitting in the corner turning yellow.
It makes your relationship with social media dysfunctional at best. You love it, you hate it but you keep coming back. It’s because of work, you tell yourself, but a part of you knows better. Social media is your lifeline and without it you’d lose sight of everything.
So how do you deal with these feelings of straight-up envy whenever you get on social media?
You’d call your mom for advice, but she’s only on Facebook for Candy Crush. Last checked, she had no friends. Calling your friends is out because they’re the reason your life sucks. Who else could you call…? said while scrolling through your Facebook feed.
Wait, there’s Harriette Cole. The other day you saw a promo for her column, Ask Harriette, and were happy to see her still doing it. Why not ask her? She’s a mom on social media and since she was your boss back in the day, maybe she’ll take your call…
“First of all, stop taking in so much social media!” Hariette scolds. “And also be aware of the triggers that bring you down. Usually, it’s the images.”
She got that right. But it’s impossible to avoid the images.
“Well, if it happens that you see people from your circle at a party that you weren’t invited to, instead of getting down and grudgeful, congratulate them. Tell them that the event looked like a lot of fun and you’d love to be invited the next time. It happens so much with moms because we’re always taking care of our children. People forget. So remind them.”
She’s right. Between the kids, work and the hubby, your time is limited. Invites from even your closest friends get turned down, especially if they aren’t kid friendly.
“But you also have the power to decide what you want,” she adds. When you’re balanced enough to look outside of your nuclear family and work, use social media to start engaging. If it’s motivation to work out that you want, ask some friends on Facebook to join you on a run. If it’s inspiration and inclusion you need, create your own sisterhood.”
It makes so much sense. But when did you become so envious in the first place?
Maybe when you developed mom bod or perhaps when you started wearing the same three pieces from your wardrobe everyday, or maybe just maybe when you stopped remembering the last time you hung out with friends. Your lifestyle and priorities are so different. You ain’t the girl you used to be. And maybe that’s fine because the old you didn’t have kids and all she thought about was herself … and imagine if you couldn’t make the switch? You’re not supposed to be her. Running the streets all day and night. The vision of perfection. Who’s with your kids?
Harriette shared one last tidbit that was helpful. She said that her mom would tell her to count her blessings whenever she was feeling less than. “What are the little things you can be grateful for?” she’d say. “And she’d literally have me count them.”
You’re grateful for this conversation.
Erickka Sy Savané is a freelance writer and creator of THE BREW blog. Before that she was a model/actress/MTV VJ. She lives in Jersey City with her husband and two kids. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
So you happened to be standing in earshot of your 13-year-old’s phone conversation, and you see her shrug her shoulders, roll her eyes and hear her say, “I’m about to hang up on you. I’m not interested in what you’re saying.” At first it seems normal. Regular hormonal teenagers are talking. But then you realize that you say that same phrase all the time right before you hang up on your boyfriend.
Naturally, teenage daughters are going to go through hormonal and overall life changes as they adjust to becoming young adults. But when your teen is using your go-to phrases and not the positive ones, it makes you wonder. Could your negative attitude be rubbing off on her? Remember: Although your teen daughter may not admit it, she looks up to you and wants to be like you.
Here are some signs that you may be walking around with an attitude problem and not realize it. Eventually, it could rub off on your offspring:
People Tell You All The Time
If friends, family and even strangers have said over and over that you need an attitude adjustment, you might want to take a step back and look in the mirror.
Everyone Irritates You
If most people and things get on your nerves, then guess what, it may be you and not them.
Nothing Ever Goes Your Way
Are you one of those people that feel like the world is deliberately against you?
You’re Always Right
Not ever thinking you are wrong says a lot about your attitude concerning life. Plus, people that are always “right” are not the easiest to get along with, and you want to show your kids that you can get along well with others.
If you can relate to any of this and think you could use a little improvement, try these tips:
Identify What You Want To Change
Your first step is figuring out what aspect of your personality you wish to change. Then after that, try and think about why you are that way. Have you been like this your whole life or is it because you just lost a loved one? If you can identify what’s causing your attitude that might help you tackle it.
Get An Accountability Partner
Have a partner, or even your child bring it to your attention the next time you are serving major ‘tude.
Try To Catch Yourself Each Time
The next time you want to suck your teeth, roll your eyes, or tell someone they’re an idiot, stop, take a deep breath and choose to behave differently. Eventually, if you keep making better choices in the moment, it will become a habit.
Choose The “Right” Company
If the people around you possess all of the negative traits you want to change, then how will your growth be possible? This part requires assessing the folks in your life who are important and beneficial and the ones who are not. It doesn’t mean that people have to be cut off cold turkey, but you can at least scale back from certain individuals.
Parents and kids go hand in hand. They are the sponge and we are the water. How you live and what you do for your kids, and yourself, ends up making them who they are.
But you knew that, right?
Then, why the heck do you keep doing the things you do?!
We adults are screwed, cursed by the habits of our own parents, but this does not have to continue with our kids. Here are five things you need to do for your kids, even though you probably don’t want to. And, by all means, add to the list. We need all the help we can get.
Turn Off The Radio, Worldstar and All That Garbage
I know its cute seeing kids shake their groove thang like an adult, but let’s be clear: over sexualization is real and it’s not to cute when they reach the teen years. I took my daughter to a basketball game and on the way out, some kid kept doing pelvic thrusts. I was annoyed, but I suppose he listened to a lot of “pelvic thrust music” thanks to his parents. Or maybe they just watch Worldstar together…while they ate KFC. Who knows!? Parents don’t realize they give their kids so much “junk” until its too late. “No…you cannot be a trap queen when you grown up.” I never want to utter those words.
Take The Junk Food And Replace It With Veggies…
Speaking of junk, I have to admit that I’ve eaten a lot of candy in my day. Oh, how I love sugary confections. I am sad/happy to say that my daughter will only have a limited exposure to the joy of cavity creators. Almost since she was able to walk, the Halloween candy mysteriously disappears after a couple of days. However, Black people and diabetes is a serious problem. People and these yucky teeth are tragic when they get a certain age. Well, I am proud to say that my daughter now (mostly) rejects sweets out of fear that it will cause ill healthy later in life. And it can.
Make ‘Em Tough
Your average kid has not been in a fight yet. Why? They now ban kids from fighting in school, even in the case of bullying. Defending yourself can get you suspended in your typical American school. Insane! Ever notice how many suburban Black folk have their kids in karate? I know an 11-year-old with a black belt! They want to make their kids tougher than they would normally be through environmental rearing. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do! I was never some deranged warrior, but I had my little scraps as a young’un. Those were invaluable lessons for survival and accomplishment. Now, you may have to play fight with your own kid just to give them some “adversity.” The world is the ultimate bully and it never gets suspended from your life.
Give Them Social Media
Their friends have it. They will find a way to have it. Social media and all of the ills that come with it are at your child’s disposal. Let them have it. Monitor it. Spy if you have to. It will give you the bird’s eye view on what is actually going on in these dank digital streets. What you will need to do is set your permissions so the kid cannot download anything without your approval. This varies depending on the platform and device. At the end of the day, this allows you to be social with your own child and then the conversation commences.
Get Up, Get Out!
This one is personal. Since a lot of my life is spent sitting behind a computer screen, my daughter has picked up on this seemingly sloth behavior. I realized that I was doing this around her, even though the other parts of my life were extremely active. I don’t want to do it, but I end up working harder when she’s around JUST so I don’t look lazy around her. My brother Jay knew this a long time ago and it shows in his daughter’s high achievement levels. I realize I just have to suck it up and so do you. Step away from the computer and get outside. Create the good health habit now and they will follow your child through their life until they find a cure for everything.
We’ve all heard it a million times over, “put on your own mask before helping to put a mask on your child.” Yeah, right. As a mom, I just don’t see this happening if a plane is going down and my child is sitting there fumbling with a mask and straps. But in everyday life, this phrase couldn’t be more true: if mom’s not happy, no one is happy! Still, it’s easier said than done. Almost 10 years into motherhood, I’ve finally learned to take care of my needs and wants as a person and that, in turn, makes me a better mother. The summertime is prime time for these selfish (selfless) shenanigans with all the day parties and spa days happening. Click through for some expected–and not so expected–ways to make treating yourself a part of your daily routine.
Treat Yo’ Self: Easy Ways For Moms To Indulge Daily