All Articles Tagged "money and relationships"
Money is something most couples don’t want to talk about. You’d like to think that no matter your financial situation or his, your love is too strong to be shaken by such material matters as money. But like it or not, money isn’t just money. It largely determines your feelings of stability and stress in your life. If those two things are messed with, then immediately so is your relationship.
Money. It causes more fights than household chores and is often cited as one of the main causes of divorce. At its least harmful, it can lead to minor arguments and bickering. At its worst, it is on a par with infidelity, causing a breakdown in trust, growing resentment and sometimes irreversible damage. More specifically, the spending and saving of money is the root of most financial issues. Don’t let money ruin your relationship. Check out these 7 tips of how to ward off financial drama.
(New York Times) — 1. It’s almost impossible to underestimate money’s role. Arguments about money, whatever they may be, often lead to divorce. There’s no question that a relationship is better when the financial side of life is stable, both people know what’s going on and work together to make decisions. So we shouldn’t ignore money in our relationship discussions.
2. We all come with baggage. One big challenge is that each spouse brings a set of deeply ingrained beliefs, habits and feelings about money. Most of us were raised in families where money (and religion and politics) were subjects not to be discussed in polite company. As a result, we have very little trainingon how to talk about and deal with the emotional issues that are inherent to our financial lives.
(Bankrate) — Let’s start off by asking why the relatives wouldn’t just go to a bank to get a loan. Do they hope to get a lower interest rate by borrowing from a family member? Or is it because they know a bank will consider them a bad risk? Remember: A banker has the perspective of experience at determining the creditworthiness of all types of people. If you believe a relative is coming to you because professional lenders would reject the application, then be prepared to utter this phrase at some point: “I won’t get my money back.” Complicating matters further, a bank is a business, first and foremost. But if you loan money to a relative, you’re a lender second, but, more importantly, a family member first. It’s a business relationship complicated by blood ties and emotions. If you need to press for repayment, you may discover that family ties weren’t as strong as you thought.
(Bankrate) — Is your spouse cheating on you with money? Maybe. Have you noticed a few dead presidents missing from your wallet or purse lately? A growing number of checks cashed at the grocery store for more than the purchase amount? An unexplained drain on your 401(k) or home equity line of credit? Time to wake up and smell the latte, says Ruth Hayden, a Minnesota-based financial consultant, educator and author of “Your Money Life: The ‘Make-It-Work’ Workbook.” As a financial counselor for many years, she’s seen it all. ”The major warning sign is when you can’t have a reasonable conversation about money,” says Hayden. “He or she feels defensive or accusatory, which means he or she has something they’re hiding. If it gets a little bigger than that, he or she is able to buy stuff and you can’t explain how they can afford it.”
(AOL) — Breaking up is always hard to do. But just because your life has been upended by a divorce or separation, it doesn’t mean your finances have to suffer, too. That’s exactly what can happen, however, if you make any number of wrong moves when you’re unwinding a relationship. Here are seven financial mistakes you must avoid once you decide to end a marriage:
1. Thinking that a mediator will protect your financial interests. Many of us think that all divorces inevitably devolve into epic, drawn-out battles over money and property, complete with bitter screaming matches, chronic stress, and “I’ll get you!” style threats, kind of like The War of the Roses, the 1989 film that starred Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. But that’s the Hollywood version of a worst-case divorce scenario.
(Black Enterprise) — Relationships are like business negotiations. Both parties are trying to figure out a happy medium where they can work together on a common goal for the foreseeable future. What that really boils down to is one side wanting something the other has and vice versa. But, at what cost? Wining and dining are par for the course when wooing a potential life partner, but when extravagance becomes the focal point, one has to question whether the relationship is based on genuine love or just money. In an effort to steer you (and your pockets) in the right direction, here are BlackEnterprise.com’s seven signs that you’re dating a gold digger.
The person you’re seeing always has their hand out: According to a poll done by Baje Fletcher, the author ofA Gold Digger’s Guide, 40-50% of the women the average man dates will ask for money at some point. On the flip side, based on past experiences of friends and family members, she states that only 2% of women will say the same of the men they date. Outside of basic courtship, if coming out of pocket becomes a regular routine take that as a sign that you’re on the path to creating a dependent relationship as opposed to a symbiotic one.
(Daily Finance) — A tale of two loans and two friendships: Guiliano Stiglitz, an executive who lives in Miami and London, says he has never had any resentment over money he loaned to a friend, even as much as $200. “I write it off immediately,” he says. “If they return the money, it is a pleasant surprise. If they don’t, well, I already knew.” But Vivian P., a textile designer in New York City, felt differently about the $300 she loaned to a friend who needed it to pay her rent. Vivian’s resentment flared when the loan went unrepaid, and the friend regaled her with shopping stories. “Soon after, I was desperate for money, pregnant, and terrified. I was confiding in her as a friend,” she recalls. “I remembered I lent her the money, and she was convinced we had made a deal where I said she didn’t have to pay me back.”
A Sensitive Subject: Lending money to friends and family ranks among the most pernicious of relationship stressors. An unrepaid $100 here or there may only engender bad blood (or a write-off), but what about $8,000 for a new car? Or $10,000 to pay tuition? With thousands of dollars on the line, no karma is worse than that carried by unpaid debt.
(Wall Street Journal) — Ask any married couple and you’ll hear: Marriage is complicated. Ask any financial planner, though, and you’ll hear: Not being married is often even more complicated. Unmarried couples, they’ll explain, aren’t eligible for many of the same legal protections or advantages as married couples, which makes thinking carefully about the future even more crucial for them. Big purchases, retirement planning, taxes and estate planning all present challenges particular to the unmarried. And a misstep can be disastrous.