All Articles Tagged "mistresses"
By Kevin L. Clark
As anyone can attest to, the dating game in Any City, U.S.A. can be quite hard and strenuous. You have to feel out the person, make sure their life (and credit score) is straight, and ensure that they are capable of holding your heart without giving you an STD. As a recently engaged man, I’m not one of those guys who will sit there and pretend to not like everything his helpmate loves on television, like BET’s Being Mary Jane. The series is one of those must-watch, guilty pleasure shows that I like to watch because it allows my soon-to-be wife and I to communicate our thoughts about being forever committed – and be grateful we don’t have that type of single drama.
For those just tuning in, Gabrielle Union plays Mary Jane Paul, a career woman and proud mistress who, in last week’s episode explained to her not-so-secret lover’s wife and fellow comrades the benefits of being number two over holding the number one spot. “The job of any great No. 2 is to figure out what No. 1 is missing, what they refused to see and what they are doing wrong,” Mary Jane says. “You will get to where you’re supposed to be if you do the work,” she said. If you’ve been reading the gossip since the start of the new year, it seems like the mistress revolution has bubbled over and exploded in 2014. After the ball dropped, so did news that both Dwyane Wade and Ludacris were the proud parents of secret babies. Both men have women who are exemplary in range, taste and levels of individual success, yet that didn’t stop them from doing-the-do at all. It is almost as if the taboo of being “the side chick” is dying in favor of becoming a culturally accepted norm.
From all forms of popular media, the signal is coming in loud and clear that every woman should explore the option of being a man’s mistress. Which leads me to my breakdown of why that thinking will set you on the path to sheer and utter failure.
1. You’ll Never Prosper — The truth is, whether or not one believes they have the perfect snapper to make any man weak in his knees, a man will never sacrifice his wife for a good time girl. As history has shown us with Presidents of the United States, legendary activists and artists, and even bummy-looking guys on The Maury Show, the man who atones for his sins shall not lose his family (or at least have to by some serious bling, right Kobe?).
2. You’re Not An “IT” Girl — You have a great physique, yet no brain power. You have incredible skills in the bed, but can’t cook. You get on your knees whenever the spirit moves, yet you don’t believe in the Creator. Most men define “it” differently, but rest assured that “it” is certainly a requirement when looking for a wife. While you, as the mistress, attempt to convince him into thinking that you’re the one, the man more than already likely knows just what it is you’re missing and keeps you on the side because of it.
3. You Feel Entitled To The Title Of ‘Mrs.’ — Most men won’t leave their wives for some fresh snapper (unless you’re Woody Allen). This leaves the mistress in a fantasy world believing that whatever it is that has their lover hooked will make him leave his current situation to be with them. If they don’t get your way, most mistresses go for public shaming (i.e. gossip, writing books, or outing through social media) to force their lover’s hand. This also won’t work because the definition of a mistress or side chick is to be secondary, a bit player who loves or sexes on the second / third / fourth rung in a man’s life. Basically, a man would not make the extra biscuit in a Popeye’s meal his main course just because it agrees with his fat boy flow.
4. You Can’t Keep A Man In Real Life — There is a fine line between satisfying a man’s urges and cultivating a man’s essence. A wife does the latter and a mistress attempts to do the former. While the notable ones (Superhead, Kat Stacks, etc.) can get their lives paid for, the truth is most men know there is something unstable in your world which leaves you unable to keep a man in the first place. Either the way the mistress and the man hooked up was fast, furious and debauchery-filled, or the man knew what buttons to push — those are red flag signs which tell the man that the mistress isn’t worth much more than hard dink and a bus pass.
Although on the show, Mary Jane offers her words under the premise of career advice, there’s simply no way that a man who is engaging in this type of behavior would ever walk down the aisle (let alone the red carpet) with someone who is only number two, three, four or five in his life. Don’t ever forget that.
To watch clips and past episodes of “Being Mary Jane” visit 24WiredTv.
Kevin L. Clark is a freelance writer and founder of Fresh Thinking Media Group and Don’t Lose Your Day Job.
Not long ago, I wrote an article on whether or not heterosexual male/female relationships can truly be considered “platonic.” While some debated that they may not start off that way, most agreed that male/female friendships can, in fact, exist. Don’t get me wrong, having friends of the opposite sex is perfectly acceptable; however, for some, there is a thin line between a healthy, platonic friendship and an emotional affair. If one is not too careful, a close intimate relationship can evolve into something deeper and while it may not be a physical relationship, the emotional intimacy of the relationship can be just as damaging, if not more, than a physical one. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when your partner is developing an emotional connection with someone else, but there are usually signs that his “friendship” with the other woman is detracting from the intimacy that rightfully belongs to you and your relationship. When his connection with someone else starts to have a negative effect on your relationship, you will be able to tell when it has crossed the line into an emotional affair by looking out for these tell-tale signs.
You may not recognize Rochelle Aytes name automatically, but we’re sure you know the face. The actress had a role in Tyler Perry’s “Madea’s Family Reunion,” she currently stars on the hit ABC show “Mistresses,” and she will play the role of Pebbles in the upcoming TLC Biopic on VH1. To put it mildly, ol’ girl is working and we had a chance to catch up with the starlet and talk to her about all of her projects.
We also asked Rochelle how she feels about the perception that her show “Mistresses” glorifies adultery, what she thinks about the backlash regarding the TLC biopic, and whether she’d ever work with Tyler Perry again. Check out what she had to say.
After bringing the network such major hits as Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, and of course, Scandal, Shonda Rhimes is preparing to bring fans yet another sure-fire hit for ABC, and it’s called Lawless.
According to Deadline, ABC has started development of the drama with Mistresses developer and executive producer KJ Steinberg as well as Shonda’s Shondaland company. According to Shadow and Act, Lawless is inspired by the story of Wynona Ward, founder of Have Justice Will Travel, who late in life decided to go to law school and eventually start a legal group to provide women of domestic abuse with help and those women of lower income who have protective orders with free legal representation. After being sexually abused by her own father, Ward reportedly was pushed at 41 to go to college and law school to change things around her after finding out another child in her family was sexually abused by a relative. However, in the show, the character’s name will be Joanna James and as her story will go, she “returns to her hometown to right the wrongs she left behind.”
While Shondaland is helping by executive producing the project, Steinberg will actually be doing the writing for the show. They’ve worked together in the past on a period drama (set in the 1800s of all times) called Gilded Lilys for ABC a couple of years ago, but it never made it out the gate. Here’s to hoping for more TV success for both parties. Will you be watching?
One thing I’ve noticed since I got engaged is how many men still try to hit on me – even with my ring blinging in their face. At first I found it surprising and even insulting. But then I realized that these men either enjoy a challenge, simply don’t care about marriage or may not even see my ring. I’ve heard from my married male friends that women didn’t seem to care that they were wearing a wedding band either. It could be that some men and women are just attracted to people who are committed to others; either way, the responsibility ultimately lies with the married person.
But what if you run into a married man who isn’t interested in “behaving,” yet you’re the type of woman who respects the sanctity of marriage and avoids married men like the plague? If he has no ring on his finger, then you may think he’s fair game, so no worries right? Wrong. While a wedding band may or may not be an obvious sign that a man is married, there are other things you should look out for that may indicate that he is betrothed to someone else. Want to make sure that you aren’t unknowingly the other woman? Here are some signs that you might be dating a married man.
ABC’s has definitely hit a goldmine with its smash success Scandal, Shonda Rhimes’ drama about a very married president of the United States and his mistress. ABC seems to be running with a theme here, with the debut of its new show “Mistresses” coming this summer. For some, this begs the question: are mistresses having the best season ever? Are shows like these glorifying the side chick?
“Scandal”’s success is undeniable. Throughout the season, it routinely crushed its competitors in viewership (save for CBS’s ”The Big Bang Theory”/”Two and a Half Men” hour), and it has absolutely captivated Twitter audiences. It has been estimated that each new episode of “Scandal” had viewers sending out 2,000 tweets per minute. The season finale won 571,353 tweets, and the entire season saw 4.3 million. There is unquestionable appeal — but what is it? Why do people love “Scandal”? How can anyone champion a show that revolves around someone immoral enough to sleep with a married man?
If, in considering this show, all you focus on is the extra-marital relationship, then of course it will seem that that is all the appeal. But there’s so much more at work. For starters, it’s safe to say that people like “Scandal” because, as NPR’s new Codeswitch blog points out, people really like Kerry Washington. She’s a dynamo in her role as the fast-talking, impossibly intuitive problem solver with killer peacoat game and a furious gait. Everyone loves a no-nonsense character, and Olivia is definitely having none of your mess. …Unless, of course, that mess is coming from her married boyfriend. We’ll talk about that more later.
It’s rare to see a hit show with a powerful, headstrong, intelligent black woman as its central character who is not also dripping with some sort of historical stereotype, and that, too, makes it easy to tune in and find yourself rooting for someone your grandmother would label a homewrecker. The show is multicultural without being about race, which is also refreshing, and it’s a completely ridiculous-over-the-top show that is easy to get lost in. These factors, I’d argue, weigh heavier than wanting to see a man divorce his wife to marry his mistress.
Back to that whole married boyfriend thing, though — it would be crazy not to think that the troubled relationship between Olivia and President Fitz isn’t a reason that people get enrapt in the show, because it totally is. But not, necessarily because people are universally rooting for their relationship. Some are, sure, but it’s a really screwed up relationship. Fitz is controlling, borderline abusive and manipulative; Olivia is delusional and on a fast track to star on an episode of “Iyanla Fix My Life.” Her affair is not a glamorous one. She is not a kept woman, continuously adored, showered with gifts, and eventually rewarded for her patience with the man of her dreams. There is nothing glorious about her affair. If anything, it’s a cautionary tale against being the side chick. This show is messy, honey, and people love a train wreck.
“Life is not a romance novel,” Cyrus growls to Olivia in the season finale. And that’s exactly it. This story is compelling because it is uncomfortable and dramatic, not just because there’s a woman sleeping with a married man. Pointing to ABC’s upcoming show “Mistresses” as proof that mistresses are indeed being glorified is folly, too; with Scandal’s success, it’s no wonder that they’d try to keep the momentum going.
Shows about infidelity are nothing new; from your grandmother’s soap operas to “Desperate Housewives,” people have been cheating on primetime TV for decades. This is just the current flavor of the month. Watching shows like “Scandal” and “Mistresses” are not immoral; going out and cheating is what’s immoral. Television is an escape, a realm we enter to watch people do outlandish things that we would not or could not do. For one hour once a week, we walk on the wild side and do all the things our parents told us never to do — and it’s fun.
A while ago I attended a party with a few friends and co-workers. While everyone was dancing, eating and drinking, I sat down next to one of my friends and we began to chat about the atmosphere. As we chatted and gazed around the room, we noticed something a little odd. We noticed that a mutual associate of ours was wrapped in a very intimate embrace with her main male squeeze…nothing too peculiar about that, but what was odd was that while we observed her intimately embracing her main squeeze, we also saw the man she was dating on the side standing next to them, watching them as they embraced; and not only that, during the embrace, she gazed into the male “Misteress’” eyes and he smiled at her. When this moment ended, they all stood there talking and laughing as if they were all best friends.
Now this may not seem strange to some, but it was to my friend and I who were observing this scene, because both men seemed aware that she was being intimately involved with both of them. Again, this may not seem too out of the ordinary for some, but ladies what I want to know is, is it okay for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get along, especially when they both know about her relationship with them both?
Some may say yes, as long as both men know where they stand, and they aren’t disrespectful to each other, which is a very valid point; but how respectful is it knowing that the woman they are involved with is intimately involved with someone else? And you know who he is! Personally, I think this is disrespectful to both men, and the woman. Why? Because both men deserve to be with one woman who will engage in a healthy, monogamous relationship with them, and give them all of the attention they need (if that’s what they want). It also shows disrespectful actions from the woman. How? Because as a woman, she should have more respect for her man and herself, and should respect the relationship she is involved in. Now I know many of you may be thinking, but men do this all the time and no one seems to have a problem with it! While this may be true, what we fail to realize is that some mistresses do struggle with being the other woman; but they keep their struggle inside.
Relationships are hard to maintain with two people involved, and when there is a third or even fourth party involved, things can really get crazy because of the emotional attachments that can occur. It is my personal belief that it is not cool for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get a long, or even know each other at all, because as I stated previously, it’s disrespectful to the men involved and the relationship(s). Even if the men involved are okay with knowing each other and knowing their position, you never know what they are saying about the woman behind her back to each other, and other men. The art of discretion is a gift that is a part of a woman’s natural being. Practicing discretion as a woman is a must, especially when it comes to our intimate affairs and our relationships. If you have a main squeeze and a side dish, or you’re just seeing multiple guys at one time, keep them separate for your own self-respect, and for the sake of the self-respect of the men involved. Even if they don’t care, you should because showing and giving a man the respect they deserve in any type of relationship will make you a better woman and them a better man.
Ladies do you think it’s cool for a woman to have their main squeeze and their side dish know each other?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
Earlier today, we told you about radio host DJ Envy coming clean over the air about his relationship with “Love & Hip Hop” star Erica Mena. His confession appeared to be in response to Erica’s internet radio interview from last week, where she confessed to sleeping with the married DJ, justified it by saying he didn’t act like a “proud married man” and revealed that she would be dropping a tell-all book about the affair. Now today, in an interview that appears to be in response to Envy’s confession, the walking, talking, breathing contradiction told Vibe Vixen that Envy failed to inform her that he was married.
“DJ Envy’s definitely talking about me, but I’m one of many. I was under the assumption that he had kids but wasn’t actually married. I found out around the time that I started filming “Love & Hip Hop”. After I found out, I was still in shock because we were together for so long. I didn’t understand how he could take a vow as serious as marriage and take on a whole other relationship. It’s sad that now he’s taking all these shots saying I’m a liar and I’m pathetic, when he deceived me. It’s not fair to paint me out as a liar when he was leading a double life for many years. He’s never publicly come out with his wife until now because he’s ashamed of her. It’s no secret.”
She went on to claim that her upcoming book is not a tell-all about the DJ, but a story of her life.
“For me, I never spoke about it [the affair] because it was embarrassing as a woman. Of course, now I explain it in my book. I want to be clear: My book is not a tell-all. It’s just a book about my life and Envy is apart of my life.”
She also posted a public message to Envy’s wife on her Twitter page
Meanwhile Envy expressed via his Twitter page that nothing is going to come between him and his wife, not even Erica’s book.
It looks like this back and forth thing between Envy and Erica may go on for awhile.
It’s difficult to believe Erica’s claim that she didn’t know Envy was married considering how unapologetic and bold she came off during last week’s interview, but then again, it wouldn’t be the first time someone lied about their marital status.
What do you think?
Plenty of us have stayed in a relationship way longer than we should have. It’s one thing to discover after a few weeks that you and the guy you were seeing just don’t click – it happens. But it’s another thing altogether when your feelings have been invested for months – even years – in a guy who you KNOW isn’t right for you, but you can’t seem to let go. There’s a lesson to be learned in every relationship, whether good or bad, so the trick is learning from each dating experience so you don’t spin your wheels in a dead end relationship. Not sure if the relationship you’re in is a complete waste of time? All of these signs point to yes: