Source: ABC

ABC’s has definitely hit a goldmine with its smash success Scandal, Shonda Rhimes’ drama about a very married president of the United States and his mistress. ABC seems to be running with a theme here, with the debut of its new show “Mistresses” coming this summer. For some, this begs the question: are mistresses having the best season ever? Are shows like these glorifying the side chick?

“Scandal”’s success is undeniable. Throughout the season, it routinely crushed its competitors in viewership (save for CBS’s ”The Big Bang Theory”/”Two and a Half Men” hour), and it has absolutely captivated Twitter audiences. It has been estimated that each new episode of “Scandal” had viewers sending out 2,000 tweets per minute. The season finale won 571,353 tweets, and the entire season saw 4.3 million. There is unquestionable appeal — but what is it? Why do people love “Scandal”? How can anyone champion a show that revolves around someone immoral enough to sleep with a married man?

If, in considering this show, all you focus on is the extra-marital relationship, then of course it will seem that that is all the appeal. But there’s so much more at work. For starters, it’s safe to say that people like “Scandal” because, as NPR’s new Codeswitch blog points out, people really like Kerry Washington. She’s a dynamo in her role as the fast-talking, impossibly intuitive problem solver with killer peacoat game and a furious gait. Everyone loves a no-nonsense character, and Olivia is definitely having none of your mess. …Unless, of course, that mess is coming from her married boyfriend. We’ll talk about that more later.

It’s rare to see a hit show with a powerful, headstrong, intelligent black woman as its central character who is not also dripping with some sort of historical stereotype, and that, too, makes it easy to tune in and find yourself rooting for someone your grandmother would label a homewrecker. The show is multicultural without being about race, which is also refreshing, and it’s a completely ridiculous-over-the-top show that is easy to get lost in. These factors, I’d argue, weigh heavier than wanting to see a man divorce his wife to marry his mistress.

Back to that whole married boyfriend thing, though — it would be crazy not to think that the troubled relationship between Olivia and President Fitz isn’t a reason that people get enrapt in the show, because it totally is. But not, necessarily because people are universally rooting for their relationship. Some are, sure, but it’s a really screwed up relationship. Fitz is controlling, borderline abusive and manipulative; Olivia is delusional and on a fast track to star on an episode of “Iyanla Fix My Life.” Her affair is not a glamorous one. She is not a kept woman, continuously adored, showered with gifts, and eventually rewarded for her patience with the man of her dreams. There is nothing glorious about her affair. If anything, it’s a cautionary tale against being the side chick. This show is messy, honey, and people love a train wreck.

“Life is not a romance novel,” Cyrus growls to Olivia in the season finale. And that’s exactly it. This story is compelling because it is uncomfortable and dramatic, not just because there’s a woman sleeping with a married man. Pointing to ABC’s upcoming show “Mistresses” as proof that mistresses are indeed being glorified is folly, too; with Scandal’s success, it’s no wonder that they’d try to keep the momentum going.

Shows about infidelity are nothing new; from your grandmother’s soap operas to “Desperate Housewives,” people have been cheating on primetime TV for decades. This is just the current flavor of the month. Watching shows like “Scandal” and “Mistresses” are not immoral; going out and cheating is what’s immoral. Television is an escape, a realm we enter to watch people do outlandish things that we would not or could not do. For one hour once a week, we walk on the wild side and do all the things our parents told us never to do — and it’s fun.

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A while ago I attended a party with a few friends and co-workers. While everyone was dancing, eating and drinking, I sat down next to one of my friends and we began to chat about the atmosphere. As we chatted and gazed around the room, we noticed something a little odd. We noticed that a mutual associate of ours was wrapped in a very intimate embrace with her main male squeeze…nothing too peculiar about that, but what was odd was that while we observed her intimately embracing her main squeeze, we also saw the man she was dating on the side standing next to them, watching them as they embraced; and not only that, during the embrace, she gazed into the male “Misteress’” eyes and he smiled at her. When this moment ended, they all stood there talking and laughing as if they were all best friends.

Now this may not seem strange to some, but it was to my friend and I who were observing this scene, because both men seemed aware that she was being intimately involved with both of them. Again, this may not seem too out of the ordinary for some, but ladies what I want to know is, is it okay for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get along, especially when they both know about her relationship with them both?

Some may say yes, as long as both men know where they stand, and they aren’t disrespectful to each other, which is a very valid point; but how respectful is it knowing that the woman they are involved with is intimately involved with someone else? And you know who he is! Personally, I think this is disrespectful to both men, and the woman. Why? Because both men deserve to be with one woman who will engage in a healthy, monogamous relationship with them, and give them all of the attention they need (if that’s what they want). It also shows disrespectful actions from the woman. How? Because as a woman, she should have more respect for her man and herself, and should respect the relationship she is involved in. Now I know many of you may be thinking, but men do this all the time and no one seems to have a problem with it! While this may be true, what we fail to realize is that some mistresses do struggle with being the other woman; but they keep their struggle inside.

Relationships are hard to maintain with two people involved, and when there is a third or even fourth party involved, things can really get crazy because of the emotional attachments that can occur. It is my personal belief that it is not cool for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get a long, or even know each other at all, because as I stated previously, it’s disrespectful to the men involved and the relationship(s). Even if the men involved are okay with knowing each other and knowing their position, you never know what they are saying about the woman behind her back to each other, and other men. The art of discretion is a gift that is a part of a woman’s natural being.  Practicing discretion as a woman is a must, especially when it comes to our intimate affairs and our relationships. If you have a main squeeze and a side dish, or you’re just seeing multiple guys at one time, keep them separate for your own self-respect, and for the sake of the self-respect of the men involved. Even if they don’t care, you should because showing and giving a man the respect they deserve in any type of relationship will make you a better woman and them a better man.

Ladies do you think it’s cool for a woman to have their main squeeze and their side dish know each other?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

Source: Twitter

Earlier today, we told you about radio host DJ Envy coming clean over the air about his relationship with “Love & Hip Hop” star Erica Mena. His confession appeared to be in response to Erica’s internet radio interview from last week, where she confessed to sleeping with the married DJ, justified it by saying he didn’t act like a “proud married man” and revealed that she would be dropping a tell-all book about the affair. Now today, in an interview that appears to be in response to Envy’s confession, the walking, talking, breathing contradiction told Vibe Vixen that Envy failed to inform her that he was married.

“DJ Envy’s definitely talking about me, but I’m one of many. I was under the assumption that he had kids but wasn’t actually married. I found out around the time that I started filming “Love & Hip Hop”. After I found out, I was still in shock because we were together for so long. I didn’t understand how he could take a vow as serious as marriage and take on a whole other relationship. It’s sad that now he’s taking all these shots saying I’m a liar and I’m pathetic, when he deceived me. It’s not fair to paint me out as a liar when he was leading a double life for many years. He’s never publicly come out with his wife until now because he’s ashamed of her. It’s no secret.”

She went on to claim that her upcoming book is not a tell-all about the DJ, but a story of her life.

“For me, I never spoke about it [the affair] because it was embarrassing as a woman. Of course, now I explain it in my book. I want to be clear: My book is not a tell-all. It’s just a book about my life and Envy is apart of my life.”

She also posted a public message to Envy’s wife on her Twitter page

Meanwhile Envy expressed via his Twitter page that nothing is going to come between him and his wife, not even Erica’s book.

It looks like this back and forth thing between Envy and Erica may go on for awhile.

It’s difficult to believe Erica’s claim that she didn’t know Envy was married considering how unapologetic and bold she came off during last week’s interview, but then again, it wouldn’t be the first time someone lied about their marital status.

What do you think?

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Plenty of us have stayed in a relationship way longer than we should have. It’s one thing to discover after a few weeks that you and the guy you were seeing just don’t click – it happens. But it’s another thing altogether when your feelings have been invested for months – even years – in a guy who you KNOW isn’t right for you, but you can’t seem to let go. There’s a lesson to be learned in every relationship, whether good or bad, so the trick is learning from each dating experience so you don’t spin your wheels in a dead end relationship. Not sure if the relationship you’re in is a complete waste of time? All of these signs point to yes: