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A while ago I attended a party with a few friends and co-workers. While everyone was dancing, eating and drinking, I sat down next to one of my friends and we began to chat about the atmosphere. As we chatted and gazed around the room, we noticed something a little odd. We noticed that a mutual associate of ours was wrapped in a very intimate embrace with her main male squeeze…nothing too peculiar about that, but what was odd was that while we observed her intimately embracing her main squeeze, we also saw the man she was dating on the side standing next to them, watching them as they embraced; and not only that, during the embrace, she gazed into the male “Misteress’” eyes and he smiled at her. When this moment ended, they all stood there talking and laughing as if they were all best friends.

Now this may not seem strange to some, but it was to my friend and I who were observing this scene, because both men seemed aware that she was being intimately involved with both of them. Again, this may not seem too out of the ordinary for some, but ladies what I want to know is, is it okay for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get along, especially when they both know about her relationship with them both?

Some may say yes, as long as both men know where they stand, and they aren’t disrespectful to each other, which is a very valid point; but how respectful is it knowing that the woman they are involved with is intimately involved with someone else? And you know who he is! Personally, I think this is disrespectful to both men, and the woman. Why? Because both men deserve to be with one woman who will engage in a healthy, monogamous relationship with them, and give them all of the attention they need (if that’s what they want). It also shows disrespectful actions from the woman. How? Because as a woman, she should have more respect for her man and herself, and should respect the relationship she is involved in. Now I know many of you may be thinking, but men do this all the time and no one seems to have a problem with it! While this may be true, what we fail to realize is that some mistresses do struggle with being the other woman; but they keep their struggle inside.

Relationships are hard to maintain with two people involved, and when there is a third or even fourth party involved, things can really get crazy because of the emotional attachments that can occur. It is my personal belief that it is not cool for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get a long, or even know each other at all, because as I stated previously, it’s disrespectful to the men involved and the relationship(s). Even if the men involved are okay with knowing each other and knowing their position, you never know what they are saying about the woman behind her back to each other, and other men. The art of discretion is a gift that is a part of a woman’s natural being.  Practicing discretion as a woman is a must, especially when it comes to our intimate affairs and our relationships. If you have a main squeeze and a side dish, or you’re just seeing multiple guys at one time, keep them separate for your own self-respect, and for the sake of the self-respect of the men involved. Even if they don’t care, you should because showing and giving a man the respect they deserve in any type of relationship will make you a better woman and them a better man.

Ladies do you think it’s cool for a woman to have their main squeeze and their side dish know each other?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

Stephon Marbury in uniform for the Beijing Ducks in December. Imaginechina via AP Images

Thurayyah Mitchell, the former jump off of married and retired NBA player Stephon Marbury, is waiting for him to cut her check. You see, this chef-turned-side piece had a romance with the basketball star back in 2006. In an effort to keep her mouth shut and not expose the relationship to his wife, Marbury agreed to pay her $900,000.

TMZ reports that after paying over $600,000, Mr. Marbury decided to stop making payments back in 2010. Oh, but the best part is he not only verbally agreed to the hush money. She actually got him to put it in writing. So when the money stopped coming, it left Ms. Mitchell to legally enforce her contract. Marbury refused, alleging that filing her claim was a breach of the confidentially deal. Nice try.

On February 1^st a judge sided with Mitchell and ordered Marbury to pay the remaining $331,584.50 he owes plus interest. Now he has to pay and the whole world knows his business. Kind of defeated the whole purpose in making the deal in the first place, right?

So the lesson here is if you sign on the dotted line, even in these sorts of private affairs, you’re going to be responsible to whatever you agreed to. Of course, there’s also the question of whether Mitchell should really benefit from being half of an adulterous affair. Thoughts on that one?

theafrowomansezine.com

They say the American public is quick to demonize and even quicker to forgive. I don’t know about all of that considering that with certain celebrity stories, we stay on critique mode, and never come around to forgiving and forgetting. Whether it be a certain singer’s supposed fake baby bump, or an old domestic abuse case that gets a new headline weekly, there are certain situations that we just need to get over, especially since we weren’t involved in any way. The expression of beating a dead horse cannot even be applied to these next examples, as I’m sure their corpses have already denigrated.

Source.www.bvonlove.com

Dear Single Sistas,

I’m writing this letter to all of you who are known affectionately as the other woman, the mistress, or the kept woman. I’m writing this letter to encourage you to walk away from a relationship that is going no where fast and will indefinitely leave you with unspeakable heartache. I am talking to all of my Single Sistas who are involved with or in love with another woman’s husband. I know I won’t get too many Amen’s or Facebook likes with this letter, however, I hope this letter encourages at least one of my Single Sistas who are on the ‘creep’ with a married ‘creep’ to step back and rethink what you’re doing.

As I write this letter to my Single Sista Second Woman my heart goes out to you. My heart goes out to you because you are settling for less than what you deserve all because you may fear being alone, or you are not confident in the woman you were created to be. I know you may be thinking that you aren’t settling for less than what you deserve because you are in a ‘relationship’ with a man who tells you he loves you, but if you really look at the relationship you are involved in you will see that you are indeed settling for less. If you don’t believe me, let’s look at the facts.

The man you are involved with is married, meaning that he may tell you behind closed doors that he loves you after you have had sex, or spent a few hours together-just the two of you, but he professed his love to his wife in front of witnesses and made a commitment to her and God.  You may share a bed with him for a few moments, but he shares a home with his wife…and guess what? There’s a bed there too! You may have had a child with him, but he has a family with his wife. He may wine and dine you for a few moments, he may even spend a few nights with you, but when it’s all said and done he goes home to his wife. Now I know you may be saying and asking, if he loves his wife so much, why is he with me? The answer is simple…because you’re there. You may even believe that you exude confidence because you have the temporary attention of someone else’s mate, but the truth of the matter is that if you were truly confident within, you would not even think about being with another woman’s husband, and you are using this relationship to stroke your ego.

Every day, women are plagued with thoughts of uncertainty with regard to their partner’s fidelity. Even the most secure women have times of vulnerability. We’re taught to trust our instincts but that lesson is challenged by forced logic, as we control our natural impulses in an effort to save face. No one wants to deal with being cheated on, but if the signs are there, maybe it’s time we wake up and smell the coffee. Don’t ignore these small but pretty clear signs.