Dear Lloyd’s Hair,

India Arie sang that she was not her hair. That was a lesson we all needed to learn; but as the saying goes, there’s an exception to every rule. And you, Lloyd’s hair sir, are that exception. Normally, shoulder-length hair on a grown man is a bit of a turn off but your presence atop Lloyd’s head made him. With you, Lloyd was the R&B dude with the silky, long hair all the girlies simultaneously envied and wanted to play in.

Now that inches of you have been shaved off and thrown into some filthy garbage can, your host scalp Lloyd has resorted to singing desperate songs about p*ssy, nothing like the power you provided when you and Lloyd created “Get it Shawty” together.  I’d argue that there’s a correlation.  Remember Sampson from the Bible? Hair can be vitally important to a man. You were Lloyd’s appeal, his je nesais quoi, his strength.

Without you, Lloyd found himself in trouble he never faced when you were there for him. Remember you, Lloyd’s hair, were the one that caused that unnecessary beef with Miguel and his hair? If I’m going to be honest, I have to admit that you and Miguel’s hair really did resemble one another.  Shame on you for biting Miguel’s style, Lloyd’s hair! You know these R&B dudes are sensitive! Why are you trying to start stuff? Rebelling is not the way you get the attention you seek. You should be focusing your energies on growing and attaining the glory you once knew.

I see now that Lloyd has given you permission to grow out a bit. While this is ultimately the solution; in the short term, your temporary growth has only made a bad situation worse. We know the only way for you to return to your former lusciousness is to grow out but this transition stage is not your finest moment. When we saw you and Lloyd on a talent competition show in Denmark, we couldn’t help but see the resemblance between the two of you and a muppet version of Sammy Davis Jr. It was just all bad. Your boy is walking around looking like a hot mess and you’re the one to blame.  This horrible situation could have been avoided if only you had just stayed in your position.

Up until now, I’ve been pretty hard on you, Lloyd’s hair. But it’s only because “you are more than what you’ve become.” I know you’re capable of returning to your silky, shiny splendor and making us remember why we watched Lloyd’s videos in the first place. Your acquiescence to Lloyd’s orders have proved disastrous for the both of you but now it’s time to rebuild and re-grow.

Let’s get it [shawty],

Renay

More on Madame Noire!

• Harry, George, and Other Random White Boys Who Can Bust A Move
• Listen Up Ladies: 7 Things We’d Like to Say to Our Facebook Followers
• Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: Sleepy Tummys and Office Romances
• Ruben Studdard – Life After “American Idol”
• Editor’s Picks: Toni Morrison’s Top 5 Books That You Should Read ASAP
• Teeny Weeny Afros & More: Celebrity Women Who Have Done the Big Chop
• Former Friend of Phaedra Parks Exposes Her Criminal Past
• What Happened To These Child Stars?