All Articles Tagged "men"
My little cousin just started his freshman year of college. But before that, he completed a summer program at the university. In doing so, he was assigned college coursework. One week, he had to write an essay and the prompt he was given was about selfie culture and whether men, with the rules of patriarchy and unrealistic masculinity standards, were allowed to participate in that culture.
Basically, is it cool for men to take selfies or would they be unfairly judged as a result. Men would see other men and think he’s soft. Shoot, women would see men taking selfies and think he’s soft. When I was helping my cousin write his essay, I thought how silly. Of course men can take selfies. I remember reading an article about how selfies are more than just our expressions of vanity. They reaffirm our attractiveness and help us to appreciate the skin we’re in.
What’s the problem?
It wasn’t until I was watching an episode of “Conversating While Black,” and I heard a woman discount a potential dating partner, a man for taking too many selfies, that I really asked myself if I had a problem with it. I was all ready to say no until a particular person’s profile popped into my head. I’d known this dude since we were in elementary school and then ran into him in high school. Now, I follow him on Instagram. And literally, every other picture is a selfie. He may caption them with comments about what his plans are for the day but the pictures themselves don’t speak to that point. They’re all selfies.
It’s to the point now where they don’t even garner many likes. Because it’s basically the same picture over and over again. He’s leaned into the camera, hands clasped, muscles bulging. Face straight, no smiling.
When I thought about his profile, I chuckled. Actually no, I don’t like dudes who take a whole lot of selfies. There’s something about it that’s wack. And I don’t mean wack like feminine. I mean wack like narcissistic and perhaps too eager for the approval of others.
When I asked my coworkers, they shared the same sentiment. Our senior editor said, “I haven’t encountered too many men who have too many selfies.”
Our editorial intern had a stronger reaction, “Eww don’t. It’s not cute. You can use your Instagram in other ways to gain attention for yourself. I guess it’s like context. Are you thirst trapping?”
I can understand that point, I’ve literally seen a man take a very clear selfie and try to, in the caption, rationalize it as way to promote his volunteer work. To be fair, there was a small child far, far off in the background.
Our editorial assistant also didn’t think too much of men with too many selfies. “It’s weird. Where are your friends? Who else is in your life?”
I could understand where she was coming from.
And while I initially felt a bit guilty about my preference. I realized that I didn’t disapprove of these male selfies because they were men. I’m really not here for anyone’s profile that is filled with pictures of them staring back at you, trying to give sexy face. I’m not anti selfie I’m anti doing to utmost.
At the end of the day, narcissism and doing entirely too much are not gender specific.
What’s your take on men with too many selfies?
Veronica Wells is the culture editor for MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of the recently released book “Bettah Days.”
Can we press the pause button on political correctness for a moment and talk about these size stereotypes? #EggplantFriday may officially be history on Instagram, but size will never stop being a hot gossip topic.
We’ve all heard the rumors about big feet meaning big everything else, but have you heard of some of the other size-related stereotypes? Can you tell what a guy is working with by the sound of his voice? What about the size of his hands? Or how about the size of his stomach?
We’ve gathered all of the size tea we’ve heard and now we’re turning to you. Have you found any of these to be true?
The fight for equal pay for women in the workforce is one that’s been ongoing for decades, but in recent times, there’s been more and more significant strides in making the goal a reality.
It’s already common knowledge that the pay gap is bad for white women, but Black, Hispanic, and Asian women continue to earn even less for the same work, with Black women earning as little as 62 percent on the dollar in some places across the country, as The National Partnership for Women & Families confirms.
Nevertheless, Republican Gov. Charlie Baker has passed a new law banning employers from requesting salary history of potential hires in Massachusetts, CBS Boston reports. Using previous salary information during the course of the selection process has proven time and time again to be unfair to women, allowing them to be paid less than men by default. But with this new law, the cycle of lower salaries for women can no longer continue. But we’re most excited that the law will also require women to receive pay equal to that of men in the same positions as them and vice versa.
In Massachusetts today, women are paid on average about 82 percent of what their male counterparts make for comparable work. While the new law won’t take effect until July 1, 2018, we can only hope that other states will make this issue a priority on their list.
Have you ever met a guy you were interested in building a relationship with and everything was going good until he did that one thing or said that one comment that just turned you all the way off? It makes you wish you had some more insight into the way men’s minds operate. Like, what was he thinking when he sent you that unwarranted d–k picture? Why did he think it was okay to not text you back for days? Fellas, there are just some things that you do and say that we, the womenfolk, would really appreciate if you didn’t.
When you’re really in love, sometimes you appreciate and adore some of the strangest things about your partner. From there unkempt head to their hammertoe. You don’t necessarily think it’s the best thing since sliced bread, but you can accept and appreciate the most interesting of things. One study actually said that when our feelings get really deep, women even love the way their partner smells after the gym.When you’re head over heels in love, almost everything about your partner is amazing. No matter what it is, you can’t get enough of it. The fact that he loves these things about you, even when you’re not at your best, is a sign that he’s just as sprung on you. Don’t even think about fretting over the following.
Maybe it’s just me, but catcalling has gotten pretty aggressive over the years. So much so that we as women are often ready to be on the defensive, even at the kindest of gestures aimed at us from a man we don’t know. In the back of our minds, there’s always an ulterior motive, even when there really isn’t. Experience has taught us to be on guard. We’ve been conditioned to believe that saying no or ignoring their commentary could possibly leave us berated or in a dangerous situation. So naturally, when approached by a man while minding our business walking down the street, a Black man to be more specific, our initial reaction is to quickly build an invisible wall and hope that by the end of our interaction, he isn’t calling us out of our names should we decide we’re not interested.
Sometimes these interactions lead us to feel scared and sometimes they’re just bothersome. Unfortunately, I think it’s true that some men have ruined it for the good ones when it comes to nice gestures and compliments offered on the street. We don’t know how to say “Thank you” because we think it will prompt him to ask us for our number and, in turn, follow us down the street. Besides, a majority of the time, we just want to be left alone. But does that mean we should lump every guy on the street together and stop being cordial to the ones who are just being nice?
Over drinks one night, a friend of mine talked about how he likes to greet the people in his department at his job every morning with a friendly “Good Morning.” His greeting is often well received, except from a Black woman in his department. He said that whenever he would speak to her, she would either ignore him as if he didn’t exist, or she would let out a deep sigh and roll her eyes at him. He just chalked it up to her not being a morning person, but he continued to say good morning to her and everyone else. He decided to ask her one day why she often responded to him negatively and her reply was, “See, this is why I don’t like Black men and you are a typical Black man.” Naturally, he was offended by her remark as well as her attitude and couldn’t figure out what he had ever done to her for her to be so nasty to him. He expressed his confusion to me and wanted to know what it meant to be a “typical Black man” and why his attempts to be polite threw him into that category.
I expressed to him that maybe the woman had some deep-rooted resentment towards a few Black men she had encountered and that’s made her hostile towards all Black men. We got into a conversation on the idea of the “typical Black man” and concluded that it’s just another way to say f—kboy before that term was coined, which he is not. But on a deeper level, I was left wondering where we as women draw the line between being on the defense and being able to accept kind gestures from men? I’m sure we’ve all had less than positive interactions with guys who used compliments aimed at our attire or our beauty to then take things to an uncomfortable level. Who hasn’t been ogled or told to smile so we can look more desirable to a complete stranger? It’s tough out here. However, have we started to allow those interactions to impact the way we interact with men in general?
If you have a good partner on your hands, he knows exactly what it takes to make you feel special: flowers, jewelry, and a copy of that book you said you’ve been wanting to read.
But when is the last time you did something special for the good man in your life? If the answer is “I can’t remember…” you’re not alone. Men can seem so easy to please that it’s easy to overlook ways to do something extra special every now and then.
However, when he’s gone the extra mile, it’s always nice to go the distance, too. With that being said, we’ve put together a list of little things that are sure to put a smile on the face of a man who really deserves it.
What do you do for your man when you want him to feel special? Share your strategies with us in the comment section.
Talk may be cheap, but that doesn’t stop a lot of us from buying into the crap that comes out of people’s mouths — namely men. Sometimes, as women, we so desperately want things to work out with a man that we eat up any and everything he tells us without really questioning: (a) does what he said make sense? (b) do his actions actually back up what he said? (c) what the hell is he talking about?
At some point or another we’ve all been persuaded — or manipulated — by a charming tongue, but just know if a man drops any of these phrases in your presence, the odds that he is actually about something are slim to none. And yes, we’ve done enough anecdotal research to prove that statement.
1. I wanna build something with you.
A relationship? A family? An ark? The unspecified ambiguity of “something” screams emotional manipulation.
2. I never met anybody like you before.
On one hand, well duh? (Because this fabulousness is one of a kind) On the other, really? Not like me at all? Not even a little bit? Then what kind of women have you been entertaining? Sounds like a line from the book of Lines Men Use to Make a Woman Feel Special (But They’re Really Just B.S.).
3. Normally I don’t do this, but…
But you never met anybody like me before? If a man follows a sweet gesture with a qualifying statement like this it shouldn’t make you feel special; it should make him suspect. Why haven’t you ever sent a woman flowers before or openly expressed your emotions to someone you care about?
4. It’s just a piece of paper.
So is a diploma, but you got one of those didn’t you? Money? Paper. Paycheck? Paper. Deed to a house? Paper. And yet they all mean something significant, just like a marriage certificate.
5. She’s like my sister.
…that I had sex with one time before I ghosted her so now we call each other brother and sister to ward of suspecting romantic partners who can likely tell we were more than friends at some point.
Any girl who’s like a sister to a man shouldn’t pop up out of the woodwork. You would meet her when you meet his real sisters.
6. I’ve been hurt before.
And water is wet. Who hasn’t?!
7. My ex is crazy.
Why are we talking about her and what did you do to make her that way? (Or why didn’t you notice she was crazy before you dated her?)
8. You’re too good for me.
When a man tells you something, listen. When a man tells you this, run.
9. Y’all females.
Is this an I’ve been using the word females all my life and no one with good sense has every corrected me females, or an, I generally see nothing wrong with calling the opposite sex females instead of women and actually prefer the term females?
10. I’m not like those other men.
See talk is cheap line in the intro. Rather than throw out this phrase, men should just prove it. And let us be the judge.
When it comes to date night, especially a first date, we as women often want to be swept off of our feet. We want something out of a movie with the bar set pretty high. Although we leave it up to guys to decide where we will go and what we will do, the expectation is that it will all come together and be nothing short of amazing. I mean, we need to have a good story to run and tell our girls, right?
But what about when the tables are turned and it’s our turn to be creative and plan a date night? If you think brunches and picnics in the park with wine and cheese is going to cut it for him, think again. I asked a few guys to describe their perfect date night and while I wasn’t surprised by how simple the outings were, I was taken aback by how sentimental they happened to be.
For instance, one man’s idea of the perfect date night includes something intimate that allows for much-needed time for talking and bonding. That’s why being out in nature (parks, beaches, canyons), having intimate conversations and doing some star gazing were his answers for a nice way to spend an evening. It sounds so Nicolas Sparks, but who wouldn’t love that type of date night?
Another, who has been in a long-distance relationship for the last two years, said that when he’s able to be in the same place with his significant other, he loves being able to show her new things in his city and enjoys seeing what her town has to offer when he visits. However, his ideal date night is actually one where they stay in, cook a meal together, and watch movies.
Quite a few men I spoke to expressed that their perfect date night involves lot of hands-on activities such as golfing, arts and crafts, and sports. It gives them a chance to teach their date something she might not know, and it encourages lot of physical touch (think Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost).
“To know someone’s musical taste is to reaaaally know them,” one man said. His idea of the optimal date night involves cooking a new recipe together and sampling each other’s music libraries. For another man, he said that creative dates where one pulls out all of the stops are his preference.
Like the time he and his date packed up a car and took a mini road trip to a few different festivals. One in particular was a soul food festival in Montreal.
“The restaurant provided the picnic basket and food and location,” he said. “It was really dope.”
According to popular opinion, men have a hard time communicating their feelings and what they’re thinking. However, if he’s comfortable with you, it shouldn’t be too hard to get him to open up about what would be the perfect outing. For the men I spoke to, the ideal evening varied greatly depending on their tastes, and for them, date nights can be fun, they can be adventurous, and they can be spontaneous. They can also be mellow, intimate, and quite romantic. Either way, now that you know what some guys have in mind when it comes to being wooed every once in a while, you can suggest something a little bit more creative than that picnic basket and blanket idea.
Check out our newest series Curls Run The World featuring YouTuber Yolanda Renee:
Women have a reputation for being quick thinkers. By the time he gets out his first “What had happened was,” we’ve got his and our stories straight.
Men are rather famous when it comes to fibbing about where they were and who they are with. But just what else are men likely to lie about?
We’ve polled friends, family, neighbors, play cousins, and checked out actual scientific studies. As it turns out, what you will find on this list are the biggest lies that men tell. Did we miss anything on your list? Or do you see something here that doesn’t belong?
If you’ve ever looked at an online profile and said, “He’s 28? I don’t know about that,” chances are, you were right to be skeptical. Age is one of the profile portions that men are most likely to lie about.