All Articles Tagged "men"
Want to know whether it’s worth waiting for him to get it together? If he’s showing you these signs, it’s a clue you’ll be waiting around forever.
He Gets Mad Instead of Getting Better
You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. If he gets agro every time you bring an issue up, he’s telling you he’s not equipped to face the facts — or change them.
Respect and equality are important parts of any relationship. But sometimes you want a man to be a man and pull one of these secretly sexy moves.
When He Doesn’t Ask
Something about asking “do you mind if I kiss you now?” can really take the momentum out of the mood. Sometimes you just want him to go for it.
My relationship with my best friend is a bit unorthodox. After all, she’s a woman and that can tend to make the women I date a bit uncomfortable. It’s something that I’ve had to work through for years and it’s definitely not something I haven’t overcome before. In fact, the women I date soon find out that the overwhelming majority of my friends are females and they have to make peace with that — or not. I don’t know how this happened but I can only guess that being raised by a single mother, a grandmother, and single aunts placed me in several circumstances where I was surrounded by women. My second guess would be that after joining a black Greek lettered organization, my need for making male friends outside of the organization was reduced.
Whatever the case may be as far as the development of my inner circle, women who find themselves in relationships with men who have close female friends — without knowing all the details — get suspicious. I’m not a woman and I can’t speak for all of you but let’s say “women’s intuition” really exists and is a supernatural power that all women possess to be able to sniff out a woman after her man. Let’s say that men are inherently naïve when it comes to their female friends and while they may think the relationship is platonic, the girl friend is secretly waiting for the right time to pounce. Even if that’s all well (or not) and true, it’s important not to worry about something that isn’t happening. I’m not saying you should turn a blind eye, I’m just saying, you shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t happened. The only way that situation will play itself out is with the woman looking jealous or insecure: Two traits that are shortly followed by unattractiveness and eventual breakup.
I can tell you from firsthand experience that at a certain point in life and your relationship with your female friends, the relationship reaches a platonic level that cannot be overcome. At that point, it’s really off-putting when you’re accused of wanting to be with them or it’s suggested that they want to be with you. It’s not that I don’t find my female friends to be beautiful or great people, it’s just that I’m not attracted to them. Trust me, I’m typically the last one to know when a mutual male friend of mine is trying to get at them but I always understand why once I find out.
Here’s another reason you probably want to exercise chill when it comes to his female friends; they’re probably closer to him than you are from the onset. Over time you may become closer to him than they are, but that relationship and closeness takes time. If you go into the dating/relationship phase suspicious of the women in his life right away, they’ll have his ear more than you. Also, understand that a man rarely will choose the unknown over the known. Meaning, he has his friends and they’ve likely been there for him for a long time. He’s not going to throw all that away for a relationship with a woman that may not work out in the long run.
Lastly, it’s really on the guy to be concerned about his friendships with women outside of his romantic relationship. Every guy handles it different but it’s his cross to bear. He may see them less, talk to them less or even pull away from them. Or, he may not change a thing at all. It’s important that he dictate that relationship instead of his significant other. For me, it’s important that I maintain my relationship with my best friend but I’m also very quick to inform my significant other of her presence and role in my life. It’s been years that I’ve had this best friend and I go to her for a lot; that’s not going to change overnight. Any woman I date should know this and let it be my concern, not hers.
We’re not sure who gave men the idea that these things impress us, but we should be upset with them—very, very upset. The truth is when it comes to these things men do to impress us, we don’t become more smitten; we actually just want the date to end that much sooner.
Some women believe men have a whole secret life they live when their partners aren’t watching. And sure, we all have some habits we only let loose when alone like eating over the kitchen sink and picking our noses. But most men don’t go this far when nobody’s watching.
Potential can be one of the most dangerous things to depend on in a relationship. Time and again it seems women have gone out on a limb for men they liked who might not have had it all together, simply because she saw the potential for him to eventually have it all together. Life is unpredictable and can be filled with more curves than Amber Rose in a pair of black leggings. While this isn’t the appropriate time to discuss the economic challenges of black folks in general and black men in particular, it’s not unreasonable for a woman to want a man who’s able to handle his financial, as well as his emotional, health. Self-sufficiency is sexy, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who can add to what a woman already brings to the table. With that said, dating a man full of potential isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but it would behoove women to do a better job of determining what a man’s potential is and if she’s willing to stick with him if he doesn’t fully live up to it.
First, the negatives. Dating a man with potential can be problematic if a woman isn’t able to see past it. Potential can blind a woman to some of the red flags that warn this might not be good partner in the long run. Many men, and people in general, are “on their way.” It can take years for a man to build the proper foundation necessary and many women are fine with working with a man who is working on himself (more on this later). The problem comes then, when women see the potential in men they may not see in themselves. While a man might be smart, charming, and have a plan or two about what he wants to do with his life, he still has to walk through those steps. Women should understand that simply having a plan isn’t enough. Goals without plans are simply dreams and if a man has the potential to do everything he says he wants to do but takes no (or very little) actual steps to achieve those goals, it’s very unlikely he’ll ever get to the finish line. Women often get trapped in these types of situations because it’s also very likely she’s been trying to help him realize his goals and has not only taken an active interest in supporting, but also investing. It’s like working on a slot machine for three hours and never winning much, only for the next person to come in and pull the lever to end up a millionaire. Women get trapped pulling on that same lever because they don’t want someone else to benefit from all the hard work they’ve already put in.
Now for the positive. I mentioned earlier that women like working with men who are working on themselves. The thing is, if a man has the potential to do great things and is actively working to achieve those great things, that suggests a much more stable situation. As a woman, if you can see a man with potential doing the necessary work to make himself into whomever it is he wants to be, there’s a higher chance he’ll be able to fully realize his goals. Potential by itself means nothing as, at some point, one still has to be able to prove they can do whatever they have the potential to do. Seeing a person realize their goals and aspirations is a beautiful thing and I’m sure many women would love to have a hand in a man’s success as women are naturally helpful and take great pride in having great men. Dating a man with potential who is actually doing something to actualize his potential is what makes this kind of man worthwhile.
I could probably write all day about the pros and cons of potential but here’s the best way to sum it up: Potential means nothing. Potential shouldn’t be judged in a vacuum and it shouldn’t be the only reason to date a man. If a man isn’t doing anything to live up to his potential, it’s an absolutely worthless trait to own. It’s a much smarter decision to date a man who not only has potential, but is actually doing something to realize it.
What’s the largest acceptable age gap between you and the man that you’re dating? There are around 15 reasons why we’re asking and most of them are the sexy salt and pepper celebrities on this list.
We don’t find 41 too old at all. And if the British powerhouse came knocking on our door, we’d definitely answer — that is until we saw the trailer for No Good Deed.
Ever wondered why he never called you back? Or why that relationship ended out of nowhere? Men aren’t great at saying what’s on their mind, but don’t believe him when he says there’s nothing on it. Here are 15 things he won’t tell you about yourself.
You Should Keep the Hedges Trimmed
It’s a matter of perspective. If you had a regular view of the work area, you’d probably be more diligent about keeping it relatively clear. Nothing wrong with taking a hand mirror and asking yourself if it couldn’t use a little clearing.
What can I do? There’s a guy I really like who stopped calling and I don’t even know why.
Brande: Men do this a lot and most times women never get the closure they’re looking for. It’s not right, but it is what it is. Reach out to him once to call him out on disappearing; if he doesn’t answer or give you a sufficient explanation, accept the fact that he’s moved on, be grateful he’s out of your life, and do the same.
Lauren: Some men stop calling because they need time to reflect on your relationship before taking it to the next level. Some stop because of something you said and some vanish into thin air for no reason at all. Whatever the cause for his disappearance, don’t dwell on the situation. Do not blow up his phone or send excessive text messages. What you should focus on is making a note of his behavior and how it makes you feel and if he calls you again, be sure to address it. This will help establish effective communication, so no one is left in the dark about unacceptable behavior.
Jazmine: Most times, when a man truly wants you he makes it undeniably evident. Reach out once and ask him what’s up. If his explanation seems off, cut your losses and move on. I’d also suggest you not waste too much time dwelling on possible reasons why he stopped calling. Unfortunately, you may never know why. Just keep moving forward. I’m sure there are plenty of other men out there who would love to get to know you.
Veronica: Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do. But I understand your frustration, you want to be like “At least have the decency to tell me what happened!!” If you really must know, you can reach out one more time and ask what happened but, honestly, you should prepare yourself for not getting the closure you desire. He may not answer. And if he doesn’t, I’d strongly advise you to leave it alone — on to the next. It’s a lot easier for people (men and women) to just drop off the face of the earth than to express to someone that they’re no longer interested. It’s a punk azz move. And nobody wants to date a cowardly lion. I’d bet good money that his inability to communicate directly and effectively will show up in other places in his life as well. And long term, someone like that may cause a lot of headaches.
Victoria: If you felt like there was a connection at some point, it doesn’t hurt to hit him up (it’s 2014 so we shouldn’t just wait for men to call us) to chat or to hang out. If he’s not responsive, then you know he’s not serious. Hey, sometimes men we’re feeling aren’t really feeling us. It’s happened to everyone. Feel free to feel some type of way about it, but not for too long. Besides, it’s best to be rid of those type of wishy washy men early on…
Women have to be careful when it comes to who they trust with their hearts. Luckily, men are great at giving signals that you should head for the hills. If you meet any of these types of men, it just makes sense to keep on looking.
Any Man Whose Favorite Word Is “Huh?”
“Where are you?”
“Who is Whitney?”
That goes double if his explanation stars with “What had happened was…” Not only is this man a liar, but he can’t even be bothered to come up with good ones.