All Articles Tagged "men"
If you’re a diehard Sex and The City fan like me, you’ll remember when Charlotte suggested Mike get circumcised in order for her to have sex with him and he took her advice since he was tired of women sexually rejecting him because of his covered prized possession. In awe, Charlotte was surprised to find a man would change himself in order to become a better lover for her. However, she was in for a rude awakening. After his surgery, Mike “tested” out his new penis for Charlotte and despite their “You-Got-Me- Sprung” coital session, Mike told Charlotte, he rather date other women because his circumcised penis made him feel like a “new man.” Devastated, Charlotte couldn’t believe her suggestion to Mike pushed him to still explore other dating options even though his big change was supposed to be for her sexual enjoyment. However, in the same episode, her friend Samantha dutifully noted that if you try to change a man, it may work against you. Samantha’s outlook on this issue is nothing new and one that some women avidly live by.
For example, over the holidays my family members and I came together to celebrate our cousin’s birthday and, of course, girl talk ensued as we sipped rum-infused drinks. The more drinks flowed, the more tea was spilled about our boyfriends and new beaus as we went around sharing in a circle. Eventually, one cousin began to speak about her boyfriend who she claimed was too fine for words but didn’t wear the best outfits –and had a missing tooth. When another cousin asked her if she would buy him better clothes or suggested replacing his tooth, she said, “Hell no! You want me to fix him up for someone else?” Giggles ensued, and although I found myself laughing along, I also knew in my heart I would be uncomfortable dating someone whose attire turned me off — or who I had to fear would leave me if I upgraded him Beyonce style.
Call me shallow or blame my father, who is as spiffy as they come, but I would feel odd about being with someone who didn’t turn me on with their style of dress and didn’t express a certain level of confidence, physically. This doesn’t mean my significant other has to buy expensive clothing; however, I think the way a man carries himself exemplifies what type of vision he has for himself and his success.
Also, my mother raised me not to date anyone who looked unkempt and, in all honesty, I’ve passed on dating men who dressed oddly or looked as though they rolled out of bed because they would usually make comments about me looking “too presentable,” “too clean” or even better, ask me if I thought I was better than them. In short, their confidence issues and annoying projections became tiresome. However, if I ever did date a man who didn’t dress according to a style that usually catches my eye, I don’t think I would change his wardrobe but I would make suggestions about how he could step up his appearance — despite the fear that another woman would scoop him up. If the latter were to happen, then we weren’t meant to be forever and that has nothing to do with appearances or clothing.
Men and women don’t always appreciate the same things, especially when it comes to the celebrities you follow and admire, and why you do. If you like the following stars, and the man in your life doesn’t, here are some possible reasons. These are the celebrities some men love to hate.
In case you’ve thought about it, these celebrity men finally gave us the details, straight from their own mouths, of what they’re packin’.
Not that they were ever really off of our radar, but sometimes a celebrity man does something that really makes people take notice. From Childish Gambino to President Barack Obama, these are the celebrity men who have everyone talking.
Even a quiet man speaks volumes about himself when his pants are off. What can a man’s underwear choices tell you about him? A lot.
Why does it feel like you never meet anyone when you’re fresh out of the salon? It’s always when you look less than your best that you see a prospective boo. What’s that about?! Let us know if you’ve found yourself in one of these predicaments where a potential Mr. Right was right around the corner but you were nowhere near ready to meet him.
The Twitter display from David Justice and Eric Benet directed at Halle Berry was, for many women, a clear and undeniable display of b-tcha–ness. We’re not exactly co-signing that claim but we felt this was a good opportunity to lay some ground rules for what exactly qualifies a man as a male b-tch, or mitch as they’re called these days.
So, here are a few signs to be aware of when it comes to your mitchdar. Feel free to add your own additons in the comments section.
Some might say the human being lives and breathes for sex—that everything we do, is for sex. If we’re nice to someone it’s because somewhere, somehow, it’s going to get us sex. If we work hard at something—sex. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say that, but I will say you’ll spend a lot of time, concern, energy and even money on sex in your lifetime. Here are some things I wish I’d known before having tons of sex that would have saved me all of the above.
When I began dating, I had a list of the types of men that I would so-called never date. This list included married men, men with children, men who didn’t get along with their mothers, men who didn’t believe in God, and the list goes on. However, as began to I approach my 30’s, I began to relax that list a bit and take a different approaching to dating. I began to venture outside of my bullet point list and dated men with children and men weren’t Christian but who believed in “something” greater than themselves. I figured if a good guy came in a package that wasn’t necessarily what I expected, I should still give him chance a because I could be missing out on something great. So, I adjusted my list.
Today, I’m married to a man who has been divorced before and has three kids. Talk about relaxing my standards, huh? When I broke the news to my mother about my new suitor, she wasn’t too thrilled, and I can’t say I blame her. I have a son and if he came to me saying he’d met a woman who was divorced with three kids by three different men, I’d probably react with a hesitant pause. Even still, with my son I am raising him to have keen judgment when it comes to people and comprehend that none of those things will matter in the end. But I’d be lying if I said people don’t judge others at all, even just a tiny bit. Although he was the exact opposite of everything I imagined I wanted, I couldn’t bring myself to say no when he proposed. Despite it all, I had already managed to fall in love with him–divorce, three kids and all.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having standards and not settling. However, there also is nothing wrong with marrying a man who is the total opposite of everything your friends, family or even you thought you’d end up with. It’s hard to imagine that a person could fall in love with someone who falls on their list of “don’ts” but it can happen. Everyone is different and that’s what makes our intimate relationships unique. But with that being said, there still has to be a line drawn in the sand somewhere. That’s where you have to pose some questions to yourself: What would make you not marry someone? Would you throw love away because you know you can’t raise a child with someone who is a Muslim per se? Or who has five ex wives? Should you ignore red flags in the face of love or would that be relationship suicide?
For some, the list of deal breakers gets longer as you get older simply because you experience more things you don’t want to be involved with. Also, with age, you have more time to sort through your issues and pretty much expect your potential partner to have done the same. Before I married my husband, I thought I knew myself and what I could and could not deal with – therefore I thought he’d never become my husband – until he did. I changed my mind and his love convinced me that maybe what I thought I knew was actually wrong all this time. I gave in. I simply couldn’t help it; I had to be true to myself.
Although I relaxed my list, I still kept a fair amount of my standards in tact. So, just how strict should we be? While I see nothing wrong with being selective, I honestly am not sure if we are blocking our blessings by being so set in our ways. I can say that believe promptly weeding out undesirable suitors vastly improves the quality of the relationship once you find him. In my case, I drew a line, tested the waters, comfortably crossed it and have been happy ever since.
A couple of days ago a friend and I were discussing another mutual friend–we’ll call her “Roslyn”–who was going through a divorce. Although the divorce hadn’t been finalized, her and her no ex-husband went their separate ways nearly two years ago. This resulted in him moving out and getting his own place, and quickly moving on to a new girlfriend. Even still, they were in contact as they share custody of their three kids. When I asked a mutual friend if Roslyn was dating, she informed me that although Roslyn had gone on a date or two here and there, she was just not ready. “Roslyn doesn’t feel “single” yet,” she said.
As a woman who has had the experience of dating two different men who were going through a divorce, I can unequivocally say that I’ll never date a married but separated man again. One was simply not emotionally ready to move on, while the other informed me after five months of dating that he was going to go back and give it another shot with his wife–only for them to end up divorced anyway. Honestly, it was just too much drama for me. So, until a man was totally free and wasn’t involved with any other women that could claim him as her husband, I stayed away. Now, as a married woman myself, I can say with some degree of certainty that if my husband and I were to divorce, I wouldn’t want to rush right back into another serious relationship. But that’s just me.
All circumstance are different, so it’s hard to say if a person should date someone who is in the process of a divorce or not. While most divorces can be sad, nasty and drawn out, others can be quick and painless. But often times there’s a grey area where both parties know the relationship has run its course and are ready to move on, but they have to figure out how to divide custody of the kids and shared assets. This can take months, if not years, with lawyers are the only ones tying the two people together. Dating someone in that circumstance might not be risky, but love is a risk no matter what. However, even if you play out many different scenarios in your head, you still will not be fully informed on your situation and how you should proceed.
Like any other matter of the heart, your gut is your best tool to use when trying to decide if dating someone who is separated is worth it. Assess his situation thoroughly: How long has he been separated? Does he live alone? Are there kids involved and/or assets that need to be split? Does he seem emotionally available or over her completely? Just because a man is over his ex doesn’t mean he’s ready to be in a committed relationship again. He could still be mourning the end of the marriage even though he’s dating. Sometimes people use others to help them get over that loss, which we call a rebound.
Ladies, if you’re not sure if you’re just a rebound helping him to transition from marriage to single-hood, then avoid dating men who are separated and not divorced. If you do decide to date him, take it slow. There should be no pressure on him to define your relationship, divulge if he’s ready to get married again or even if he sees a future with you. Chances are he’s still reeling from the shock of his failed marriage to even begin to think about the possibility of going down that road again.
Again, not all men and women are emotional and financial wrecks after a divorce. Some even believe in the institution of marriage, and hope to marry the right person the second or even third time around. But like all relationships that you might hope turn into a long-term commitment, take your time getting to know him. Ask important questions–the cause of the breakup in the first place– so you can make informed decisions on how you’d like to proceed. And if marriage is what you ultimately aspire to, make sure you discover over the course of getting to know him if he’s willing to do it again in time.
No one can know for sure how dating and falling in love will turn out, but your intuition can let you know if dating a guy who is separated but not divorced is worth it. If you have any doubts or feel that he’s just using you to get over his ex, then don’t do it. If you’re unsure, it’s best to wait until he’s free, for real. And if he’s the one, he’ll come looking for you when the ink is dry.