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When writing about relationships, it’s important to keep in mind a great deal of advice depends on the situation of the people involved. Given the unique nature of individual relationships, it’s often difficult to find a “one size fits all” answer. With that in mind, there are situations which can possibly be considered universal “no-no’s.” The question posed in the title is one of them. Ladies, would you like to know how you handle arguments with your man in public? Here’s a simple solution.

Don’t ever argue with your man in public.

Ever.

I can hear the peanut gallery starting up right now: “What do you mean don’t ever argue with a man in public? Ain’t I a woman? Don’t I have rights? This isn’t the damn 1950s, if I got a problem with my man I need to address it as soon as it happens so he doesn’t think he can run over me, right?” The answers to the aforementioned questions being, “I meant what I said. Yes. Yes. No, you don’t.”

Unless you’re arguing for the sake of arguing you never want to start an argument with anyone, let alone a man, in public. It’s counterproductive, unbelievably tacky, and it’s akin to running on a treadmill. Yeah, you’re getting a good run (of the mouth) but in effect, you’re going nowhere. Fast.

Growing up, my mother taught me there was a time and place for everything. As an adult, I’ve learned certain places are better matches for certain types of activity. I need peace and quiet to study, so instead of heading to the nearest Starbucks when I needed to learn something, I went to the library. In order for me to optimize my workouts, I need to go to the gym. The gym provides all the appropriate tools in order for me to effectively exercise. Sure, I can make up my own routine in my house, but the chances of me succeeding in doing so are significantly higher if I’m in a place conducive to such activities.

Ladies, arguing with your man in public is not conducive to anything other than ill feelings and the brewing of bad blood. If there is a private matter you need to discuss with your mate, you need to keep that matter private. In case you’re unaware of what constitutes a private matter, that means ANYTHING you need to discuss with only your mate needs to stay between the two of you. I’m assuming the purpose of an argument is to come to some sort of conclusion or compromise which will satisfy both parties. It’s going to be a difficult task if you start the journey by humiliating the other party in the argument by blasting all of their personal business to strangers. It’s not that it’s an impossible situation to come back from, but instead of addressing the issue you felt was so urgent at the time, you’ve simply made the mountain that much more difficult to climb.

Ladies, put yourself in the shoes of a man. You’re at the grocery store and decided to have him tag along. During the trip, you’ve done something to offend his sensibilities and before you guys have even gotten a chance to discuss the issue, he’s already making a scene. You notice more and more people are looking in your direction as he angrily raises his voice and lambastes you in front of everyone. Now ask yourself, do you really want to work that problem out now? Wouldn’t you have respected him more if he’d have simply waited a few minutes to get to a spot where the both of you could’ve talked? Are you even able to focus on the issues he’s brought to you, or are you so shocked at what he did the only thing you feel is anger and resentment for how he made you look? Nobody deserves to be embarrassed in that manner. Man or woman.

Ladies, please don’t argue with your man in public. It’s a purposeless endeavor which will only prevent you from getting what I’m assuming you want. You want a man to address your needs, your wants, and hear you out when you have a problem, right? In order for that to happen, I think it’s best for you to present them in a manner which wouldn’t immediately put him in self-defense mode. Public arguments only provide entertainment to the people watching and humiliation to the people involved. Do the right thing, keep your private matters, private.

Peace.

For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.

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Everyone has secrets that we like to keep from others, men and women included. But men tend to be more secretive than women, since many of them aren’t exactly emotionally responsive or open. No matter how well or how long you’ve known a man, even if he’s your husband, there are definitely some secrets that he is keeping from you. Here are 14 of them.

About This Episode

In this bonus clip of Mommy In Chief, these fathers finish the interesting discussion from the first segment of Ask a Black Father. We posed all of our questions about parenthood to real dads. We’ve welcomed three spirited fathers to share their joys and pains of fatherhood with us. The following questions are addressed in this segment:

1. What are some challenges that you want to talk about that you face when you raise your kids?

2. How is it that some fathers can go through life ignoring their kids as if they don’t exist?

3. What would you like to differently than your father?

Ladies, you definitely don’t want to miss this. When do we ever see great fathers giving us the honest truth about fatherhood?

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From EurWeb

*Dear Tamara:

In this day of equality and equal rights, why is it that women still expect men to automatically pay for every date? I have been dating the same woman for about four months now and every time we go out, she expects me to pay for everything. On one hand she comes off as this strong, confident woman who can handle anything and take care of herself. She orders whatever she wants and expects nothing but the best. But as soon as the bill comes or its time to pay, she looks the other way and waits patiently for me to pull out my wallet. Not once has she offered to help with the bill or to take care of the check. Of course at first I didn’t mind, it was just a casual situation and neither of us could be sure where it was going. But now things are getting more serious. I want to know that I am with a woman who cares about and not just whether I can cover the check. We are both working professionals and I think she should offer to chip in or treat me from time to time. Maybe we should even start going “Dutch.”

Tired of Paying

See what Tamara has to say about this on EurWeb.com

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From YourTango

You’ve read all the magazines and the top dating tips, but at the end of the day, you haven’t found the answers to why you’re still single. After years of coaching clients and running a dating service, I’ve found five reasons why you’re stuck being single.

1. Your love life is not your top priority. You think about dating here and there, but you are not going out on dates regularly. You spend time thinking about work, going to gym, you say you’re busy, but really you’re not prioritizing this part of your life. If you met an amazing guy today you would spend hours, maybe even days with him so why not put some of this time into finding him?

2. You don’t believe you deserve to give and receive love. You think the only people who deserve love have already found it. You think to yourself, “Oh, she’s so pretty and nice she deserves a great guy.” But so do you! You just have to believe it and know what you have to offer. There is someone out there looking for the exact qualities you have, you just don’t know how to show them off.

3. You’re looking for qualities in a man instead of qualities of the relationship. Stop making a never-ending list of qualities to look for in a guy. What’s important is the relationship. Think of what you want in a relationship or with your partner, not just the qualities of that person.

Read more on YourTango.com.

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When it comes to telling people “no,” it appears easier for men because 1) women don’t take kindly to rejection so they’re more hesitant to do the same to their friends, 2) women can be a bit irrational when thinking about the consequences of saying “no,” and 3) men and women tend to have different standards when it comes to friendships.

The “slight” difference between men and women.

Men and women have different ways of dealing with requests made by friends. When asked for a favor both will determine whether they will say yes depending on 1) how reasonable the request is and 2) whether they’re actually capable of carrying out the asked favor. Women, by nature, tend to be more giving and take the feelings of the person into consideration. Also, women generally tend to be more willing to go the extra mile, even if it means sacrificing themselves in the process.

Women don’t like being told no. By anybody.

As I talked about in my earlier piece regarding women and rejection, women don’t like being told “no.” This is a key point as to why it’s easier for men to say no. If a friend asks me for a favor that I either cannot do or have a reason not to do, telling him no isn’t seen as a rejection of the person. If a favor cannot be granted, it simply means that favor cannot be granted. For men, it’s possible that because we experience rejection more often (like when approaching women) we simply don’t have an emotional reaction to it. Furthermore, unless it’s a “life or death” situation, we’ll simply resolve to either asking someone else to do it or handling it ourselves.

The gates of hell will not open up because you turned down a friend’s request.

While discussing women’s internal conflicts with telling someone no, I’ve found that women tend to be a bit more extreme with respect to the emotional ramifications. Not to be sexist, but women seem to be far more likely to think of worst case scenarios when saying no. I’ve witnessed stress and belief that the gates of hell will open up and swallow women whole for rejecting a favor. Or, in a more realistic case, they believe it makes them a bad person for not being able to help. Life, and these types of situations, are hardly, if ever, that serious.

If you can’t help, you can’t help. If you don’t wish to sacrifice yourself every time someone asks to help, that’s perfectly fine too. There are a myriad of reasons to refuse to help someone, even if it wouldn’t take the effort to text a response. Whatever the case, men tend to take a far more pragmatic view on these decisions than women, which is why it might appear men have less of a problem saying no than women do.

Men tend to do it like “this” and women tend to do it like…”that.”

Lastly, it might also be worthy of consideration to take into account the nature of friendships for men and women. From an observational standpoint, women tend to deal with the slights of their peers differently than men do. Whereas men are generally of the mind, “that’s the homie and if he can’t do it then he can’t do it,” I find women don’t take that same approach. Again, observationally speaking, women tend to be more likely to bring up those past favors when handing them out or feeling as if they’ve gained a chip they will be able to “cash in” at a later date. A woman does her friend a favor and she later feels as if the next time she needs a favor to be done, she shouldn’t be refused. It almost turns into a “look at what I did for you and you can’t even help me out when you need me” type of situation. No, that’s not every woman and every situation, but I do think in some cases that’s the logic being used.

The bottom line is it’s easier for men to say no because we tend to believe the person will likely be able to fix their situation at some point. Women tend to believe if they can’t help, something terrible will happen and it’ll make them a bad person. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that some situations are much harder for men to say no to (especially when a woman of his interest is asking) and it’s far easier for women to say no (especially when it comes to men they don’t care for) in certain situations. Like most like situations, its all depends on the context and who’s asking.

Peace.

For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.

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From HelloBeautiful

I promise you. He is not intimidated by you because you are an independent woman. Yes, you are holding your own in the workplace, making your own money, paying your own rent or mortgage and even buying your own bags and shoes, but I PROMISE, he is not intimidated by that.

It’s something else, and it’s more than likely your failure to turn off that bulldog that has gotten you so far in your career when all a man desires is your beautiful smile and womanly presence. I know this, because I have said a man was intimidated by my being an attorney and I have been proven wrong!

In my first year in law school, one of my female professors shared with us how her husband had to talk her off the ledge of being over-the-top with her family. She stated that as a litigator by trade, she would come home and find herself cross examining her three year old about peanut butter and holding depositions with her husband about the most miniscule details in carpooling. She also shared that it was not helping out in her marriage and/or family life and she had to learn how to scale it down for the sake of her family.

Read more at HelloBeautiful.com

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After sharing a guest-post on step-parenting from the step-child’s point of view, one commenter asked an interesting question: “Should a man with no kids be hesitant to date a woman with kids?” First, whether a man has children of his own or not, there is nothing wrong with preferring to date women without children. We are all free to make up whatever dating preferences we want. They are called personal preferences for a reason and we don’t need the approval of anyone else when it comes to what we like. However, there are a few things childless men should keep in mind when deciding whether they are ready to date a woman with a child, or children. Women, would you agree on the following?

Figure out if you like or want kids BEFORE dating a woman with children.

When you are single and looking to mingle, you generally will not hurt anyone if you start dating “just to see where things go.” Plenty of men do this all the time. But when deciding to date a woman with a child, you should be clear about your expectations for the relationship upfront with yourself and her. In other words, if you’re still in the “dating just to date” phase of your life, involving a woman with a child is probably not the type of relationship you should engage in because your actions will more than likely impact the lives of two people — the woman and the child. While the age of the child plays a factor, if you’re not looking for anything serious, you shouldn’t play the “I’ll figure it out” game with a ready-made family.

Further, if you’re not a kid person or don’t want kids, you should not date a woman with kids to see if you’ll change your mind. This is not a video game that you can turn off when you decide you do not like how the game is playing out. That is a personal decision you should figure out long before you involve a woman and her child in your life. Save the games for the rest of the single people in the world who do not have the responsibility of looking out for the emotional well-being of themselves and their child.

Do you want kids of your own?

I’m always surprised at how few people discuss this topic upfront. Some women with children do not want any more kids, and this is an awkward conversation to have after you have already exchanged “I love yous” or “I dos.” If you want one or two kids and she already has one or two kids, this is a conversation you should have sooner rather than later. In addition, if you do not want any (biological) kids of your own, do not assume that just because she has one or more child from a previous relationship that she does not want anymore with you.

You are not in first place.

As a continuation of the above point, one of the hardest changes for many single men who decide to date a woman with a child is realizing they are not in first place. In general, the needs of the children come first. This is a hard adjustment for many men to make because when you’re single and don’t have any kids, you can be as selfish as you want. People with children are used to (hopefully) putting the needs of their children before their own. I have friends who have gotten upset because a woman they are dating has to drop everything for their child. This makes not one iota of sense. A woman should not be placed in a position to choose between the child she loves and the man she likes. If you don’t understand that, then you aren’t ready for this type of relationship and it is best if you do not bother wasting her time or yours.

How is the relationship with her baby’s father?

I’ve written on whether you need the baby’s father approval before  — and for the record, no you do not. But while the relationship with the father of the woman’s child should not dictate your relationship, their relationship –- whether good or bad –- will play a role in your lives. It’s important to know what you are getting yourself into. Before your relationship gets serious, you should know what role, if any, the baby’s father has in the child’s life, and what type of relationship the two parents have with one another. Contrary to popular belief — and Lifetime movies — not every woman with a child is looking for a second parent if the biological parent is actively involved in the child’s life and doing a good, low-drama job of co-parenting. An honest conversation about this should minimize the chances of you making a surprise cameo on a VH1 reality show.

What do you think? Should a man without kids hesitate to date a woman with kids?  If you are a step parent or single mother, what advice would you offer a man to know if he is ready to date a woman with kids from a previous relationship?

WisdomIsMisery, aka WIM, uses his background as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM, on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery, and Instagram: WisdomIsMisery.

Miss Keri baby is dropping some knowledge this Friday afternoon when it comes to women and relationships — or not depending on your view of the male/female dynamic.

According to Necole Bitchie, innocently, or so it seemed, Keri Hilson uploaded the image above to Instagram seemingly offering an inspiring word to women and girls about their dealings with men. But it didn’t take long for people to zone in on the fact that Keri appeared to be putting all the onus on women when it comes to men treating them right — and that people did not stand for. Seeing the 200-plus comments she received on the posts (mostly in the negative vain) Keri backed up her message with this advice:

“Interesting comments on my last IG post…quite a stir. But I don’t see the confusion. Ladies don’t get it twisted. It DOES start with YOU!! Unfortunately, every man doesn’t possess some standard high amount of respect for every woman they encounter…just as every woman doesn’t exude the same amount of confidence, class, or self respect. This is not a perfect world, where men treat “hoes” with the same respect they give “ladies” just because their mother taught them well.

Bottom line is, a man will treat you according to the “messages” YOU put out there. That’s the way of the world…reality. If you exude sex, you will attract men who want that from you. If you exude self respect, you will attract the type of men who respect women. In this world, you attract what you exude. Ladies, WE set the tone!! NEVER forget that!! We have the power to change our experiences w/ men.”

Keri’s message certainly isn’t wrong, but I’m sure there are plenty of women out there thinking I treat myself with respect and demand it from others and I still can’t find a good man, so don’t act like this advice is foolproof. Or they feel like this commenter who told Keri her message is nothing but “Patriarchy at its finest & many women can’t even see how they buy into and/or perpetuate the oppression.”

I definitely believe we all show others how to treat us, but I, for one, am tired of the notion that women have to teach men how to be men. Some men will attempt to walk all over you no matter what signs you put in the universe. At that point all you have control over is how long you tolerate the nonsense.

What do you think about Keri’s message?