All Articles Tagged "men"
Maybe it’s just me, but catcalling has gotten pretty aggressive over the years. So much so that we as women are often ready to be on the defensive, even at the kindest of gestures aimed at us from a man we don’t know. In the back of our minds, there’s always an ulterior motive, even when there really isn’t. Experience has taught us to be on guard. We’ve been conditioned to believe that saying no or ignoring their commentary could possibly leave us berated or in a dangerous situation. So naturally, when approached by a man while minding our business walking down the street, a Black man to be more specific, our initial reaction is to quickly build an invisible wall and hope that by the end of our interaction, he isn’t calling us out of our names should we decide we’re not interested.
Sometimes these interactions lead us to feel scared and sometimes they’re just bothersome. Unfortunately, I think it’s true that some men have ruined it for the good ones when it comes to nice gestures and compliments offered on the street. We don’t know how to say “Thank you” because we think it will prompt him to ask us for our number and, in turn, follow us down the street. Besides, a majority of the time, we just want to be left alone. But does that mean we should lump every guy on the street together and stop being cordial to the ones who are just being nice?
Over drinks one night, a friend of mine talked about how he likes to greet the people in his department at his job every morning with a friendly “Good Morning.” His greeting is often well received, except from a Black woman in his department. He said that whenever he would speak to her, she would either ignore him as if he didn’t exist, or she would let out a deep sigh and roll her eyes at him. He just chalked it up to her not being a morning person, but he continued to say good morning to her and everyone else. He decided to ask her one day why she often responded to him negatively and her reply was, “See, this is why I don’t like Black men and you are a typical Black man.” Naturally, he was offended by her remark as well as her attitude and couldn’t figure out what he had ever done to her for her to be so nasty to him. He expressed his confusion to me and wanted to know what it meant to be a “typical Black man” and why his attempts to be polite threw him into that category.
I expressed to him that maybe the woman had some deep-rooted resentment towards a few Black men she had encountered and that’s made her hostile towards all Black men. We got into a conversation on the idea of the “typical Black man” and concluded that it’s just another way to say f—kboy before that term was coined, which he is not. But on a deeper level, I was left wondering where we as women draw the line between being on the defense and being able to accept kind gestures from men? I’m sure we’ve all had less than positive interactions with guys who used compliments aimed at our attire or our beauty to then take things to an uncomfortable level. Who hasn’t been ogled or told to smile so we can look more desirable to a complete stranger? It’s tough out here. However, have we started to allow those interactions to impact the way we interact with men in general?
If you have a good partner on your hands, he knows exactly what it takes to make you feel special: flowers, jewelry, and a copy of that book you said you’ve been wanting to read.
But when is the last time you did something special for the good man in your life? If the answer is “I can’t remember…” you’re not alone. Men can seem so easy to please that it’s easy to overlook ways to do something extra special every now and then.
However, when he’s gone the extra mile, it’s always nice to go the distance, too. With that being said, we’ve put together a list of little things that are sure to put a smile on the face of a man who really deserves it.
What do you do for your man when you want him to feel special? Share your strategies with us in the comment section.
Talk may be cheap, but that doesn’t stop a lot of us from buying into the crap that comes out of people’s mouths — namely men. Sometimes, as women, we so desperately want things to work out with a man that we eat up any and everything he tells us without really questioning: (a) does what he said make sense? (b) do his actions actually back up what he said? (c) what the hell is he talking about?
At some point or another we’ve all been persuaded — or manipulated — by a charming tongue, but just know if a man drops any of these phrases in your presence, the odds that he is actually about something are slim to none. And yes, we’ve done enough anecdotal research to prove that statement.
1. I wanna build something with you.
A relationship? A family? An ark? The unspecified ambiguity of “something” screams emotional manipulation.
2. I never met anybody like you before.
On one hand, well duh? (Because this fabulousness is one of a kind) On the other, really? Not like me at all? Not even a little bit? Then what kind of women have you been entertaining? Sounds like a line from the book of Lines Men Use to Make a Woman Feel Special (But They’re Really Just B.S.).
3. Normally I don’t do this, but…
But you never met anybody like me before? If a man follows a sweet gesture with a qualifying statement like this it shouldn’t make you feel special; it should make him suspect. Why haven’t you ever sent a woman flowers before or openly expressed your emotions to someone you care about?
4. It’s just a piece of paper.
So is a diploma, but you got one of those didn’t you? Money? Paper. Paycheck? Paper. Deed to a house? Paper. And yet they all mean something significant, just like a marriage certificate.
5. She’s like my sister.
…that I had sex with one time before I ghosted her so now we call each other brother and sister to ward of suspecting romantic partners who can likely tell we were more than friends at some point.
Any girl who’s like a sister to a man shouldn’t pop up out of the woodwork. You would meet her when you meet his real sisters.
6. I’ve been hurt before.
And water is wet. Who hasn’t?!
7. My ex is crazy.
Why are we talking about her and what did you do to make her that way? (Or why didn’t you notice she was crazy before you dated her?)
8. You’re too good for me.
When a man tells you something, listen. When a man tells you this, run.
9. Y’all females.
Is this an I’ve been using the word females all my life and no one with good sense has every corrected me females, or an, I generally see nothing wrong with calling the opposite sex females instead of women and actually prefer the term females?
10. I’m not like those other men.
See talk is cheap line in the intro. Rather than throw out this phrase, men should just prove it. And let us be the judge.
When it comes to date night, especially a first date, we as women often want to be swept off of our feet. We want something out of a movie with the bar set pretty high. Although we leave it up to guys to decide where we will go and what we will do, the expectation is that it will all come together and be nothing short of amazing. I mean, we need to have a good story to run and tell our girls, right?
But what about when the tables are turned and it’s our turn to be creative and plan a date night? If you think brunches and picnics in the park with wine and cheese is going to cut it for him, think again. I asked a few guys to describe their perfect date night and while I wasn’t surprised by how simple the outings were, I was taken aback by how sentimental they happened to be.
For instance, one man’s idea of the perfect date night includes something intimate that allows for much-needed time for talking and bonding. That’s why being out in nature (parks, beaches, canyons), having intimate conversations and doing some star gazing were his answers for a nice way to spend an evening. It sounds so Nicolas Sparks, but who wouldn’t love that type of date night?
Another, who has been in a long-distance relationship for the last two years, said that when he’s able to be in the same place with his significant other, he loves being able to show her new things in his city and enjoys seeing what her town has to offer when he visits. However, his ideal date night is actually one where they stay in, cook a meal together, and watch movies.
Quite a few men I spoke to expressed that their perfect date night involves lot of hands-on activities such as golfing, arts and crafts, and sports. It gives them a chance to teach their date something she might not know, and it encourages lot of physical touch (think Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost).
“To know someone’s musical taste is to reaaaally know them,” one man said. His idea of the optimal date night involves cooking a new recipe together and sampling each other’s music libraries. For another man, he said that creative dates where one pulls out all of the stops are his preference.
Like the time he and his date packed up a car and took a mini road trip to a few different festivals. One in particular was a soul food festival in Montreal.
“The restaurant provided the picnic basket and food and location,” he said. “It was really dope.”
According to popular opinion, men have a hard time communicating their feelings and what they’re thinking. However, if he’s comfortable with you, it shouldn’t be too hard to get him to open up about what would be the perfect outing. For the men I spoke to, the ideal evening varied greatly depending on their tastes, and for them, date nights can be fun, they can be adventurous, and they can be spontaneous. They can also be mellow, intimate, and quite romantic. Either way, now that you know what some guys have in mind when it comes to being wooed every once in a while, you can suggest something a little bit more creative than that picnic basket and blanket idea.
Check out our newest series Curls Run The World featuring YouTuber Yolanda Renee:
Women have a reputation for being quick thinkers. By the time he gets out his first “What had happened was,” we’ve got his and our stories straight.
Men are rather famous when it comes to fibbing about where they were and who they are with. But just what else are men likely to lie about?
We’ve polled friends, family, neighbors, play cousins, and checked out actual scientific studies. As it turns out, what you will find on this list are the biggest lies that men tell. Did we miss anything on your list? Or do you see something here that doesn’t belong?
If you’ve ever looked at an online profile and said, “He’s 28? I don’t know about that,” chances are, you were right to be skeptical. Age is one of the profile portions that men are most likely to lie about.
Women know a lot when it comes to food and fertility: sweet potatoes help you conceive, eating raw fish is a no-no when you might be expecting, and you should skip the alcohol, no matter what all these new studies try to claim. But what we don’t often think about is how food affects a man’s role in making a baby. What he consumes is just as important as what you eat when you want to start on the road to expanding your family.
Helping him change his diet with the following foods can make him more fertile and also make the process of trying to conceive a little easier. And that’s not the only way he can start pitching in to do his part. There are a few foods that he should avoid if he wants to go half on a baby. They’ll not only interfere with his fertility, but they could also lead to other complications later on.
Calling women crazy for having complex emotions is the go-to move for some men. Their ex-girlfriend was crazy, their sister acts crazy, their co-workers are crazy, and they’re “hoping you won’t be crazy too.”
But for the men who think that everything women do is crazy, we wonder if they’ve ever looked at their own behavior and realized they act a fool from time to time, too. Men only think their behavior is normal because no one is every calling them out for their shenanigans all the time.
But today we’re turning the tables and calling out all of the things men do that could earn them the “crazy” label if we were petty enough to throw it around every time things didn’t go exactly our way.
And if we’ve missed anything on your list of male pet peeves — the kooky things that he does but doesn’t realize deserve a label too — feel free to leave it in the comment section.
We’re all looking for a guy who’s nice. But what about the man who tells you he’s a so-called “nice guy” when you meet him? This man should definitely be a catch — or so he keeps telling you. It was on his online profile, the topic of conversation on your first date, and the reason you should trust your heart to him without thinking twice about it. Or should you?
There are good guys out there, but these “nice guy” claims can be highly suspect. Trust me; there’s a reason he’s not looking so nice after all. These classic lines are designed to bypass your defense. They may sound like they’re coming from a good guy, but they could be a sign that he’s anything but.
Have you been duped by a man who was just pretending to be different than all of the rest? Share your stories in the comments so we all know what to look out for…
There are plenty of turnoffs that make a lot of sense: A man who is rude to the waitress, a guy who always smells like he just came home from the gym, or one who is a 30-year-old bag boy still comfortably living at home with his mother. Avoid these warning signs and you can find yourself in a lot of trouble in the future. But these aren’t the only reasons that women write men off.
Every woman has a list of turnoffs (some long, some short) that don’t seem to make any sense at all. But that doesn’t mean it won’t quickly take a man right from the “Sure we can go on a date!” list to the “I don’t know, let me think about it…” list. We wish we had a better explanation, but sometimes there are just things that turn us all off, and they just happen to be petty.
Do you have a list of pet peeves that belong on this list? Let us know in the comment section!
No, thank you.
You say that his behavior is the problem, he tells you that you’re just being insecure. Some arguments in relationships feel like they’re part of a playlist that’s stuck on “repeat.” Sounds like it’s time to stop asking him how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot and actually make him try it on.
Empathy is the art of understanding how your partner feels by putting yourself in their place. But not every partner is good at feeling your pain. Especially if you’ve been nagging each other. But if you’re tired of feeling like it’s just you, it could be time to turn the tables on him.
Showing him how just you feel doesn’t have to be about tit-for-tat. But occasionally flipping the script could be the perfect opportunity to open up a dialogue instead of arguing about the same thing for the umpteenth time.