All Articles Tagged "men"
Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t recognize how wonderful you are every day and show you that they recognize it every day. A guy isn’t necessarily a bad guy if he begins to take you for granted—unfortunately, you might have conditioned him to be that way, by being too available and easy-going. So, if it’s time to undo that conditioning, here’s what will have to be done.
You think you’ve got it figured out. You think you’re pretty good at detecting when a guy is into you, and you know you don’t act too clingy so you believe there should be no surprises in dating. But then one day you experience your first vanishing act—a guy who was committing more and more to you every day, but then one day disappeared, never to be heard of again. Confused? Here are a few reasons men disappear.
Dating a bad boy with potential to be a good man? Sometimes, all it takes is the right woman to turn a bad boy good and make him want to drop his partying and playing ways. If you’re up for the challenge, here’s how to do it.
Want to know what really terrifies men about relationships? It’s not always the stereotypical “having one sex partner for the rest of life” issue—even a man who is great at monogamy and ready to be emotionally open will still be afraid of these 7 things.
In a perfect world, when a couple goes through a hard time and has to make a decision as to whether their relationship is worth continuing, they decide that it is. However, that’s not really what happens. The reality is people usually take breaks, they date other people, and focus solely on themselves for a bit, and it’s not until they “feel” like it that they get back together. I’ll tell you up front, both men and women do this. I’ve seen a guy wait around for over a year while a woman sorted her life (and loins) out.
As it pertains to men, after the breakup that reconciliation period or time away from the relationship is their time to “live.” When you break up you not only want to fix your relationship but yourself too. Relationships can be taxing on other parts of your life and that can lead to you dropping the ball on other things. For example, when you’re in a relationship you may have put that business plan or great book idea to the side to focus on your relationship. After the breakup you may want to reconcile, but first you think you’ll be much happier in that relationship if you are able to get your business up and running.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when a guy knows that reconciliation is an option, but he spends a long time dilly dallying around with other women. He’s on a relationship vacation. This can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. On one hand, you want a guy to get all that out of his system before getting back in a relationship. (That’s if it’s possible for him to get it out of his system.) On the other hand, you don’t want a guy who wants to have a bunch of fun with Lord knows who and then get back with you when he’s ready. This is why a relationship (and a breakup) has to be a mutually agreed upon thing and both people have to go into it that way.
There are a few ways to handle this situation if you’re the woman on the end of this breakup. For one, you are more than entitled to live your life and sow your royal oats too. Fair exchange is no robbery. He can’t get mad at you for dating other guys when he’s dating other girls and it may even inspire him to get himself together. You can also go back to him and give him an ultimatum. (Just don’t ever call it an ultimatum and be careful how you deliver this ultimatum because nobody likes ultimatums.) You can tell him that you want him to make a decision because you’re not going to leave the offer on the table indefinitely. That it’s more about you and your feelings than it is about forcing him to be with you when he will be unhappy. Between the two of these plans I would recommend that you do something in the middle.
I recommend that when you’re not together, you decide to just not be together. You don’t talk, you don’t communicate, when you’re ready to get back together you get back together. However, when you’re not you’re not. You can date other people, or you cannot date other people. Whatever you do, just don’t do it together. Don’t try and hangout with each other or be friends, that’s not possible and it will likely lead to a long break period. Do not sleep with one another because you need the sex and don’t want to have it with anyone else. This will result in feelings being exchanged that can complicate the situation even more. I guess what I’m recommending is that a breakup be a break up and a relationship be a relationship. Eliminate the middle ground and this will be less confusing.
In today’s world, a lot of gender “rules” are being dropped, and the gender roles are being blurred—and that’s amazing! But it can sometimes make it tough for a straight woman to know if a man is gay, or just a little metro sexual. Here are 15 times you’ve probably mistaken a man with a slightly feminine side as gay.
Almost five years ago, a friend (we’ll call him Jason) I’ve known since high school asked me if I would be the best man in his wedding. I didn’t hesitate to accept. Because we’d been friends for so long, I knew him well enough to know I probably wasn’t his first choice (we’ll get to that in a second), but in any event, I was excited that he asked. His wedding signified a couple of firsts for my life at that point. It’d be the first time I ever attended a wedding that actually happened with someone I was friends with, while obviously being the first wedding I attended as someone’s best man.
Part of the reason I was puzzled about why Jason asked me to be the best man is because Jason and I had a mutual friend (we’ll call him Calvin) he could’ve asked. Jason and Calvin had known each other their entire lives. I mean, “playing in the sandbox, played football as young kids, whole families knew each other,” whole lives. Jason was also the godfather to Calvin’s daughter. Calvin seemed like an easy choice.
After Jason asked me to be the best man in his wedding, Calvin called me a week or so later and asked if I was attending Jason’s wedding. I, without even considering the weirdness of the random call or question, answered in the affirmative. I told Calvin that Jason had asked me to be the best man and I was trying to get everything together so that I’d be able to fly down and fulfill my duties. Calvin got noticeably quiet after I broke the news to him. It was at that moment he told me he wasn’t going to Jason’s wedding. In fact, he hadn’t even been invited. Apparently, Jason and Calvin had had a falling out, having to do with Jason’s fiance, and Calvin “wasn’t allowed” to come to the wedding. Instead of of Jason taking up for Calvin, apparently, he did nothing. Calvin took umbrage with Jason’s lack of action on his behalf.
Obviously I was taken aback by what Calvin told me. I immediately phoned Jason and told him what Calvin said. I told him I felt awkward, because they’d been friends since childbirth and all of us had been friends since high school. We all went to college in Tallahassee and were roommates for the three years I lived there. We’d carried each other during the worst times and celebrated way beyond any of our limits during our best times. I told Jason that whatever issue he’d had with Calvin he needed to settle up, because I didn’t want this to be something that got held against him or me based on a misunderstanding. Jason told me not to worry about it and that whatever Calvin had told me wasn’t really the issue. He wanted me to be the best man, that’s why he asked me. And that was the end of that.
Or, so I thought.
Fast forward to the day of Jason’s wedding and who shows up after the nuptials are said and the couples are joined together in holy matrimony? Calvin. In his work clothes. I watched Calvin walk past all the guests, up between the aisles, and damn near up to the podium to give me a dap. “Just wanted to say what’s up bruh. Hadn’t seen you in a while and I didn’t know the next time you were going to be in town.” I gave Calvin dap and asked if he was going to talk to Jason. I’m not sure if he did.
In short, the answer to the question is yes. Men care if they’re not invited to a close friend’s wedding and if the relationship warrants it, they care if they’re the best man or not, too.
From Single Black Male
These days a lot of us are choosing to be single. We’re throwing away the mentality that by a certain age we should “settle down.” I mean, the concept never really sounded that great to begin with. However, I think that society has afforded us a new opportunity to live fulfilling lives without letting go of the single status. I’m not saying that it’s right and marriage is wrong, I’m just saying it’s an option that more people are choosing. It used to be a time that if a man or woman had reached the age of 30 and they weren’t married, we automatically assumed something was wrong with them. Nope maybe they’ve just got their reasons. Here’s a list of ten reasons why men can’t stop being a bachelor:
- It’s all his, he doesn’t have to share. – Part of every relationship is sharing. The turnoff is that nobody really likes to share. Right now, everything he owns is his and it’s the way he wants it to be. He doesn’t want someone else coming and taking up his time with his things.
- His life is pretty awesome. – He can go where he wants, he can do what he wants, and he can do who he wants. He doesn’t have any ties to anyone and there is nothing pulling on him. We call this freedom. The ultimate goal in life is not to live one of slavery and being tied down.
- He hasn’t met the one who makes him want to change. – There are some men who are willing to give a relationship a try even when they don’t think she’s the one for them. They hope that over time they’ll grow to love them. Then there are the ones who don’t budge until he meets the one who makes him want to change everything in his life for her. If he is the latter, he’s not budging until he meets her.
- No really, his life is pretty awesome. – I don’t think you understand, the life he lives is awesome. When they say relationships are hard work, they mean it. When they tell you to stay single as long as you can, they meant it. He’s got the freedom to pick up and go at a moment’s notice. This makes his personal and professional life soar. He doesn’t want to give that up.
- Coupled and married life sounds pretty boring. – When he talks to all his friends that are married or in serious relationships; their life sounds boring. They’re talking about date nights, wine tasting, shopping for things for the home and splitting TV shows with the misses. His boys are all talking about their kids and “saving.” He’s more interested in living and riding life until the wheels fall off.
- The women in his life are too important and he’s not dating any of them. – If he’s made it this far there’s probably a lot of female friends and a mama hanging around. When those women become too important in his life there isn’t much room for anymore estrogen. He knows this and he knows that any type of relationship will require a shift that he’s not interested in.
- It’s much easier to get ahead in life. – When I said that it makes it easier for his professional life to soar, I wasn’t kidding. Some of our best years in our career are when we have nothing else to worry about our career. It also helps you reach your goals when you have an individualistic approach to reaching them. If he wants to work 100 hours a week, there’s nobody there to tell him things like, “you spend time on things, you want to spend time on” in an attempt to guilt trip him in changing priorities.
Read more about dating at SingleBlackMale.org
You might complain that he doesn’t appreciate you enough, but do you appreciate him enough? There are probably some things you don’t realize your man does only to make you happy, but that secretly make him cringe!
We’re not 100% certain what’s going on with K. Michelle right now but judging from her Instagram posts this afternoon it’s safe to assume she’s having man troubles.
The “Love & Hip-Hop” star posted a Tweetgram that read “The Bigger The Hoe, The Lower The Self-Esteem,” with the added caption:
“Some people need bodies and hearts to validate who they are. Don’t take their actions personal. Low self esteem is a disease. Pray for them.”
Though the message appeared harmless — and actually should’ve served as a friendly reminder for some — apparently it brought some backlash her way, so much so that the singer felt the need to clarify with an additional post and delete the original one.
Ever the shade thrower, K. Michelle added to the post with the caption “Some people didn’t get burped as a child. #annoying” which we’ll assume was a response to the women who claimed enjoying sex doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem. Despite the fact that K often has a, shall we say, suspect way with words, she was actually speaking the truth today. Just goes to show some folks will have a problem with anything.
What do you think about K. Michelle’s comments?