All Articles Tagged "men paying for dates"
Earlier this month, Marissa Ellis wrote a piece for MadameNoire called Dating Dynamics: When Should [Women] Start Paying for Dates? I was asked to provide the male perspective on women contributing financially when dating. I knew this would be a sensitive topic so I prayed on it first, then I came up with the following points of clarification.
What is the Status of the Relationship?
Establishing the status of the relationship is critical to any discussion pertaining to how much and if a man should pay. A simple breakdown might go as follows.
First Date: The man should pay.
Second Date: The man should pay but as Marissa mentioned, the woman can begin to chip in for smaller items. For example, if you go to the movies, you can offer to help pay for concession items. If you go to dinner, you can consider helping with the drinks or the tip. However, I think any offer should be genuine. If you don’t want to pay or don’t feel like that’s your role as a woman, then don’t bother offering for offering sake, since there is a very real possibility that he might take you up on your offer. He may refuse but you shouldn’t make the offer expecting him to refuse. It’s a date, not an SAT test.
Third Date or more: By the third date (or more), you should begin communicating some of your expectations with your person of interest. I know this “communicating” with the person you like idea is a crazy, but bear with me. Usually by the third date, you have an idea of your level of interest. You’ve already gone on two semi-awkward getting to you know you type dates and you’re probably transitioning into a dating rhythm. If you haven’t paid already, I believe a casual conversation about financial expectations can be discussed (among other things). You don’t invoke your inner Donald Trump and threaten to fire anyone who doesn’t meet your expectations, but I see no harm in discussing them, especially if you plan to continue dating. It’ll be easier to cope with disappointment on the third date than the third month/year.
Last week, we had a spirited discussion in the Madame Noire offices about men using coupons on a first date. Most of the office agreed that it was considered tacky and a deal breaker if a man chose to use a groupon or any type of discount program to treat someone to dinner on a first date.
But there were two ladies who said it didn’t matter. Needless to say, many of us were shocked. What was their reasoning you ask? One of my co-workers said she didn’t want to judge anyone for not having enough money and that she didn’t care how the bill was being paid as long as he took the initiative.
I thought that was an interesting point but at the same time, found it null and void considering that there are plenty of inexpensive yet nice restaurants out there that he could’ve selected for a first date. My own personal reasoning for not accepting it stems from the idea that the gesture reflects poorly on the suitor’s sense of sacrifice. For me, it would reflect on how he felt about me.
If he’s too worried about cutting corners on the first date by going to such hefty measures, then I’d assume that there’s someone else he’s willing to go the extra mile for because men tend to go the extra mile, when it comes to impressing women they see as wife material.
I threw out the scenario of the coupon date because of a friend of a friend’s experience ( I know, right?). On her third date with a romantic interest, he busted out a Groupon deal. She was so turned off by the scenario that she consulted her various friends about the validity of her sentiments. Like our office discussion, people were split in their opinions albeit the majority sided on the anti-coupon code of conduct.
What do you think Madame Noire readers? Should we be more open-minded to a man’s frugal ways on a first date or should we run when the coupon comes out?