All Articles Tagged "men and dating"
Last month, I wrote about Why Men Settle. As part of that discussion, a number of women wondered why a man would ever settle in love when it seems like they have far more choices than women do. I understand how that might seem confusing, but I’m also unsure this popular sentiment is even true. For one, I’m on the fence about if dating is really easier for men. Taking it a step further, is finding a wife/love/soul mate any easier for men than it is for women? I don’t think so. Let’s break down the various assumptions about dating for men.
There are not enough good black men: True and false.
The popular headline is that there are less viable black men for viable black women. There are generally a few errors when this much re-hashed story breaks. First, it assumes a ‘viable black male’ can be quantified using objective measurements, usually schooling and income. For example, they report that more black men are in jail than in college. This is a blatant lie, which you can read more about from this unlikely source here, so I won’t bother dissecting it. They go on to report that we have a high number of high school drop outs, which is true, but they don’t account for the fact that high school drop outs and jail rates are both interrelated and often reflective of the same population. As an extension of this point, the same can be said for college graduation rates – as black women do outnumber black men in enrollment and graduations, but only 30% of Americans have a college degree and miraculously, people still get married every day of the week. Income is by far the fairest measurement; however, simple arithmetic dictates that the higher your income requirement for a prospective mate – and you are free to have one – the less people will meet it.
Potential mate populations aside, I’m willing to admit that the way people traditionally date – with the expectation that men approach women – might make it easier for a man to initially meet a woman. The real question is how much impact does one to one ratios matter if women don’t proactively choose from available men anyway?
The dating odds are in men’s favor: False.
For this to be true, we have to assume that men 1) like approaching women and 2) are good at it when they do. I’m fairly certain the claims about huge numbers of men that like approaching strange women and risk getting turned down every time they do is greatly exaggerated. However, for the sake of today’s argument, we can assume men like approaching strange women and vying for their attention.
Regardless if this is true or false, the difference for men and women is that if there is a certain type of men women want to approach them, women can at least go to an establishment where those types of men are more likely to reside and place herself in the “line of fire.” On the other hand, if a man isn’t good at approaching women, there is no way to overcome it (unless he’s a baller?). A man who doesn’t have “game” will be equally unsuccessful in a room full of attractive women as he will be in a room full of unattractive women. Independent of the environment he is in, it is the embodiment of the woman that he will always struggle to approach. Even if the availability of women is in his favor, it doesn’t improve his success rates in the slightest.
To be fair, let’s assume the man we’re discussing is decent at approaching women, has money, is educated, and hasn’t been to jail. Are we still assigning blame to the wrong part of the dating problem?
Have you ever been on a date with a guy and wondered “Where the hell did this guy pick up his dating etiquette from?” First dates are where the real first impressions are made and they can either make or break what could be a blossoming relationship. Sadly, many men don’t even realize where they go wrong. Check out this list of things that most women wish to communicate to their potential suitors prior to our first date.
Since the advent of the Struggleberry, sexting has become prevalent in male/female communications. We have evolved from the “beep me 911” era, to emoticons and MMS messages filled with pictures, voice recordings, and other filthy treasures. Usually men will engage in such behaviour when they know a common interest exists, but some guys go the extra mile. They think outside of the box so that they can get inside of yours, ladies. So what will they do to change the game? They will send you pictures of their junk of course! Women have asked me for some time to explain why a man, who isn’t their boyfriend, husband, or even sleeping with them, would send them cock shots? Why would they choose to defile their iPhone screen with such temerity? I can think of three reasons men want to show women what they’re working with early and often:
It’s Part Of His Courting Process
I’ve never been accused of having “game”, but there are dudes who calculate their movements with women to the most minute details. There are also men who just don’t give a fcuk. Where these two mentalities converge is when we discuss package pics. When men get your number, and holla at you, they are trying to impress you, make you laugh, and ultimately unlock the gate to your box everlasting. According to their logic, one of the fastest and most impressive ways to get in a womans pants, is to show women what’s in theirs! They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. Why would men send a text that says “You tryna chill tonight?!”, when a picture of their meat can say all of that and more, right? Right?!
He’s Impressed And He Feels You Should Be Impressed #AsWell
Men can act like the most confident of the sexes at any given time. We think we are Big Meech, Larry Hoover, Obama, and Jesus at the same (damn) time! When it comes to sexual prowess, it’s even worse. It’s not just the “handsome” dudes either, because if you don’t think ugly dudes don’t win, then you are delusional. Speaking of delusional, some of these men that send women pictures of their strombone personify that term perfectly! They aren’t ashamed of themselves, and they will sext you with the biggest, pedophile-like smile on their faces. They figure that since they are carrying a small person in their pants, one glance at this specimen on a woman’s smart phone will make their panties rain from the Heavens! Unfortunately, this small person might be mini-me! Most men don’t measure up to their own illusions of grandeur, and they end up looking foolish!
He Doesn’t Understand The Unwritten Female “Show And Tell” Law
Fellas, I’m about to drop the most precious of jewels, so pay attention. When you text, write, or email anything to a woman, you are subject to the Female Show And Tell law. This law dictates that any incriminating pictures or text messages that you send to a woman, whether solicited or not, can and will be shown to the recipients 5-500 closest female friends for review and ridicule purposes.
Those pictures of your Love Below that you sent her with the “toungue sticking out” emoji, have now been viewed over 1000 times in the last half hour by her inner circle. You have a legendary email chain titled, “Look at what this negro sent me :-O” being distributed all over the Internet now! At this very moment, that woman and some of her friends are in a GroupMe or GChat conversation now discussing your idiotic actions.
If you didn’t know by now, understand that women discuss men with their friends. Your girlfriend’s best friends know your intimate details, or enough of them to make you side-eye the entire clique. If women are that candid about their mates, how much more candid do you think they will be with a dude they haven’t been intimate with yet? Hey, maybe you are half man, half horse, and you don’t care, but know that you are the personal Instagram model for dozens of women that you don’t even know. For free.
Ladies, I hope this gives you proper insight to what men are thinking when they hit send with a racy picture attached. This audacity by men is high risk, high reward. Remember that if they do it without reserve, it must have worked before!
Women: What do you do when you receive an unsolicited D-Pic? Why do you think this occurs? How do the men react?
Fellas: Why do you send these pics to women? What do you fear when you send them, and how often does this tactic work? Do you think it’s easier to get pics from women or men? Are these chicks pictures cute? Forward to the email address “firstname.lastname@example.org” Please and Thank You!
StreetZ is a writer for the men’s blog Single Black Male. Streetz enjoys the enigma that is his life, and let’s his opinions excel in textual form. His passion for storytelling and diverse interests are driven by both his life experiences, and his desire to motivate and be inspired. Follow him on twitter @StreetzTalk
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