All Articles Tagged "meeting the parents"
There is a lot going on at the holidays: various family members are visiting, elaborate meals are being made every day, and everybody is home from work or school. It’s much different from when you just go to meet your guy’s parents any other time of the year. Everybody is in a sort of hyper state in which they want things to go a certain way. And you can either be a nuisance, or you can be what they see as the little angel who made everything easier and brighter. Here’s how to do the latter.
This isn’t just dinner with the parents, where the encounter begins and ends at a designated time. This is multiple days and nights under the same roof, eating meals together, showering down the hall from each other, and enduring all the other visiting relatives together! And it can be really awkward unless you’re prepared. Here’s how to avoid all the land mines that come with taking your guy home for the holidays.
From Single Black Male
Traditionally, the holidays are filled with presents, joy, good food, family, and harmony and good will among your fellow man and woman. It’s a time of year when the welcoming warmth of a bed heated by the body of a significant other is a welcome break from the seasonal chill from outside. Yes, for many people around the world the holidays are a wonderful, almost magical time of year!
However, the holidays aren’t all peaches, cream, and eggnog for everyone. There is another group of people for which the holidays is filled with sleepless nights, angst, and tangled webs of deceitful text messages and pre-planned social media updates. Who are these people you ask?
Read more at SingleBlackMale.org.
This week I was asked to answer the following questions: Why do men send signals that make a woman think she’s more important than she is i.e introducing her to his parents. Why do men do that? Is it that they really don’t think it’s a big deal or is it part of some sort of strategy?
I initially planned to explain that men and women interpret actions and words differently. After speaking to a woman on the subject, I realized this wouldn’t take into account men who outright lie. To paint a more complete picture, I decided to approach this question from both sides.
A deceitful man will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. The question above asks, “is it part of some sort of strategy” to make a woman think you like her more than you really do. The answer is yes and no.
You don’t have to be much of strategist to make a woman think you like her more than you do. Assuming she even asks, all you have to do is answer her questions correctly. In most cases, there are no questions to answer. If all date plans seem like boyfriend and girlfriend activities, most people think there isn’t anything to clear up. In other words, these men usually deceive through the absence of truth rather than outright lying to you.
This is how a man can strategically end up on a completely different page than the woman. These type of men use the absence of evidence – having never committed to you through words despite their boyfriend-like actions – as the evidence of absence. Further, if someone is going to lie to you even when you openly communicate with them, then what good will talking do? Liars lie, which is why it’s key to point out the subtle differences between deceitful and honest men.
As a man, I admit I usually give men the benefit of the doubt to men. I’m not saying I’m right, but I don’t think most men are out to purposely hurt women. That said, even the actions of “good men” hurt women all the time. You see, even if a good man is considerate enough to tell you the truth upfront, I still imagine having him not feel the same way you feel is no better than having a deceitful man not feel the same way. Poison is poison no matter who gives it to you, but at least in one scenario you know what you’re being served.
Honest men try to strike a balance between doing right by a woman and getting what they want from that woman (sex, relationship, friendship, or whatever). These two goals don’t always align. For example, even a good man might only want sex with no strings attached. The key difference is that an honest man will explain his intentions upfront and at least give the woman an opportunity to agree or disagree to the terms of engagement.
As the relationship progresses, the man might notice that the woman is starting to catch deeper feelings than the original agreement. This is where most men choose to feign ignorance because they are still getting what they want out of the arrangement, especially if the woman doesn’t have the courage (or will) to admit she is no longer happy with the original agreement. Most men wonder, right or wrong, “if I’m perfectly content, then why should I be the one to bring it up?”
Honestly, he has no obligation to but that’s the difference between a good man and men as a whole. A good man accepts that he has to take on more personal accountability than satisfying his own needs. Some would argue that’s just the burden of being a man (This is not to say that women don’t have their own share of burdens, so please don’t falsely accuse or email me to say that. Thanks!). So, how do you tell the difference between an honest man and a deceitful one?
When you care about someone, you want to take on their life, and that includes their problems. And while you should absolutely be a source of support and even of good advice for your partner, there are some areas of his life that is neither your business nor your problem. If you ever find yourself feeling drained, emotionally exhausted, or most frequently stressed than you were when single, your man may have put too much on you. Or, you might just be taking too much on.
Our generation are the masters of casual dating. Send a “I miss you” text too soon, ask him to go away for the weekend within only the first couple months, plan a second date within the same week as the first and your friends raise an eyebrow. “Don’t rush things” they say. Stories like those of our grandparents, meeting, falling in love and marrying within a year just don’t exist anymore. And while, I personally don’t advocate rushing marriage, is it really so bad to rush other things?
The first few dates might have been phenomenal. The first few months might have been like living on cloud 9. The first all night phone call might have felt effortless until some random moment when you suddenly lost the connection. What are these little things that can be major game changers for a guy? Here are 7 behaviors that tell a man a lot about you, and can sometimes surprise him.
They say that love makes you feel invincible. And that’s a problem because, well, no one is ever invincible. But they make decisions based on that false feeling, and can end up feeling like fools. When you’re in the early stages of a relationship and are falling head over heels, the things you and your new mate reveal and do with each other can make and break a couple with the quickness. While people do these seven things all the time, we wouldn’t recommended it for the sake of your new boo-ship:
We can let most of the little passive aggressive comments or teasing roll off our backs. But, there are some things that, when a guy says them, send us into panic mode and ignites way more insecurity than men realize.
Your family isn’t always going to tell you when they don’t like your boyfriend. Some families are more delicate about things. They suggest rather than insist. They hint at…everything. But, you don’t need your parents to come out and say “we think your boyfriend’s a fool” for you to know it. Here’s how else you can tell: