All Articles Tagged "maturity"
Every woman dreams of having a ring on her finger, right?! Long-term relationships are typically the pathway to marriage and beyond. However, not all men have marriage on their mind, at least not without some pushing and prodding. Here are 14 signs that your boyfriend isn’t planning to propose to you anytime soon.
While cruising YouTube a while back I decided to watch Brandy’s “Put it Down” video. I was extremely impressed. Brandy looked good, her sound was fresh, and the video was very colorful (and that’s good for someone like me who likes to be entertained by vibrant colors). So it was a win all around the board.
However, when I read the comments, one person did say something that honestly was in the back of my mind. They agreed about how they liked the video as well, but were expecting something a little more mature from her seeing that she’s a grown woman and has a daughter in double digits. Though some people threw shade at the comment, citing how (I won’t say her name, because people are “over-saturated” by her) still dances after having her baby, and no one objects to it.
It did make me want to observe people and myself, as a mother, a little closer, and I have noticed that some parents do experience a little bit of a second wind after having a child. There’s a saying that “children keep you young,” but now that’s also being proved by science. An experiment by a Norwegian scientist along with Arizona State University put aging, elder, dementia and Alzheimer-ridden bees back in the role of caregiver, and found that within days the bees were back to their old vitalized selves, with a lowered rate of dementia and Alzheimer. What does this mean for humans? Well, bees and humans’ brains are very similar and have the same Prx6 protein in it and scientists are beginning to think that taking care of children is what keeps some parents young at heart for a few more years. (Caveat, please do not try to heal your family and friends who suffer from these diseases by letting them babysit your children. Further research is needed.)
So, this explains why I bump into nervous looking parents while we awkwardly walk around the junior’s department and exchange those lies we both mutter to each other in passing: “Yeah, well, sometime these jeans/shirts fit me better…”
But, when you look at the children/teens, it just seems as though they are at the complete opposite of the spectrum. They want to grow up too fast. Which was an argument that came out in the comment section of Keke Palmer’s “Dance Alone” video. We knew that this blossoming actress wasn’t going to stay a child forever, but people were concerned that she was trying too hard to prove that she was no longer a child and people should accept her as the 19 year old that she is. In all honesty, Keke was just the soundboard that people were using to object to what they’re observing in the general population: the younger generation growing up too fast. We see children and teens make unsound mistakes, hoping to prove their agency, while only making their caregivers look bad in the progress.
But, being in the entertainment business is different, and there’s pressure for the women to be seen as young and fresh, and the older teens to seem able and ready. Maybe it’s unfair to hold Brandy to this standard. Expect her to sit on a stool and single demurely about adult challenges, while “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” grooves like nobodies business on stage (no hate, I’m a fan of both).
What does this all mean? One thing my mother is quick to say (while I occasionally bump into her in the Junior’s shoe department as well) is: “Age only tells you how long you’ve been on this Earth, that’s it.” But, I would like to encourage anyone who is under the age of 21, to please enjoy your youth. There is nothing to rush to as an adult. As my old pastor used to say: “The grass is always greener on the other side, until you go over, examine it, and find out that it’s astro-turf.” All of this is being typed by a woman in an off the shoulder Snoopy and Woodstock sweater…
Kendra Koger is wondering if “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” needs a background dancer to do the robot awkwardly in her upcoming tour. If so, she can tweet her @kkoger.
By Valerie Jean-Charles
A few weeks ago, a conversation emerged on my Twitter timeline discussing whether or not black women should seek older men for dating and relationships. Many young women may hold the belief that an older man will be more established in his career, more protective and eager to settle down with one woman. Yet, as someone who has dated older, I now know this is not always the case. There are a few major differences in the way that older men do things that any young black woman should respectfully consider before embarking on a May-December romance.
One of the first factors a woman should weigh is that an older man may not be as mature as she might assume him to be. The general assumption is that a man of a certain age will be very mature, what with the assumption that he’s gotten all of the partying and “playing” out of his system. A man should be judged individually for what emotional and mental state he presently is in, not for where society dictates he should be at a certain age. My experience has taught me that there are plenty of men who are well into their 30s and 40s who still possess the behavioral traits of an early-20 something, college-campus playboy. Unless you are looking for a fun and light partnership, such a man – regardless of age – is not the type to pick when ready to settle into a serious relationship. Trust, the old saying, “with age comes wisdom” does not apply to everyone. More or less, the experiences of a man can be what makes him more mature, or what has him getting his Benjamin Button on behavior-wise.
On that note, another major difference that is sure to arise is the large gap in life experiences. Although, a young lady may feel as if she is too mature for men her age, her lack of experience will more than likely cause her to come off as young, inexperienced and even immature in front of an older man. Let’s face it: the things we experience by the time we are in our mid-20s will pale in comparison to the journeys and obstacles we will have endured 10-20 years down the line. A woman in her 20s can only act as what she is – a young adult, no matter how mature she is. Such a difference in life experiences can prove to be thrilling at first. He may be invigorated by her youth, while she is enthralled and inspired by his background and knowledge. But the very things that may cause a strong connection, may threaten it. The power dynamic may be more tipped in the man’s favor due to his array of experiences and age. Being older, the man may be more grounded in his beliefs and habits, being less likely to change them; regardless of how they may affect his partner. The younger woman, on the other hand, may grow weary of the adviser role the man may assume, feeling as if he is being more condescending than mentoring, more stubborn than willing to compromise.
Lastly, a woman should consider if she is ready for what she is asking for in a relationship with an older man. She may feel as if she is ready to settle down, when in actuality that may be the farthest thing she needs, and even understands. An older man may be at the point in his life where he is ready to find a wife – and not just a girlfriend. He may be hoping to get married in a couple of years, with babies soon to follow. A younger woman must really ask herself if she is truly ready to experience such life changing events, and willing to give to her significant other what he is asking for. On the other hand, there are some older men who have already been married and have children, and may not wish to have anymore, or go through the experience a second time around. Because of that, they might want to take things at a snail’s pace. A young woman should weigh whether or not she is ready to make such definite decisions that may affect the rest of her life and alter plans she’s had for herself.
I am, by no means, slamming or demonizing May-December relationships. As I have learned in the past, they can be both thrilling and daunting, and some can be a big success. It all depends on the guy. With more and more articles continuing to question the marriageability of black women, I understand why some may look at men they may not have considered before. And I do advocate for women to keep their choices open as love is such an indiscriminate force. However, I do ask that we keep our heads leveled when trying something new, especially when picking mates who are more seasoned than us.
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You know maybe I’m severely late but I really had no idea that there was a real life beef between Brandy and Monica. I just thought that the mutterings about tension between the two was something the record companies and the media created to stir up controversy and promote their single, “The Boy is Mine.” But as both Monica and Brandy revealed on a recent interview with Hot 97′s Angie Martinez, there was a whole lotta truth behind those rumors.
Back in 1998, the same year the two released their collaborative single, Monica and Brandy found themselves in something of a tussle. They don’t get into too many details but the subject came up during their interview with Angie Martinez. Check out the clip below.
(The video may take a while to load.)
1998 really was a long time ago. Monica was sixteen at the time and she’s since apologized to Brandy. She really did sound sincere about that. So we’re going to cut her a lot of slack. Who didn’t do something regrettable and reckless when they were a teenager? As long as Brandy has forgiven her, she shouldn’t have past indiscretions thrown in her face. (Even though we wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to hear all of the juicy details.) I get that. I certainly wouldn’t want to relive my worst moments in the public eye. But I really do wish they would expound more on how they were able to mend or build a relationship after that. The two mentioned that the birth of their children played a role in coming back into each others’ lives. Kids will make you grow up. Maybe it’s because I don’t have children that I still have questions though. Personally, if someone put their hands on me and I forgave them, I really don’t know if I could ever work with them again. Just goes to show you that you can never underestimate the power of love and forgiveness. Brandy must really be a big woman in that regard.
Have you ever forgiven someone who put their hands on you? How were you able to rebuild your relationship?
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By Kendra Koger
In 1892, Charlotte Perkins Gilman penned “The Yellow Wallpaper.” After having a child and suffering with what we would now call postpartum depression, the female protagonist’s husband decided that isolating her in an old nursery with only a pencil and a journal would cure her. All she had to visually focus on was the yellow wallpaper that decorated the room. Instead of being soothed by it, the wallpaper brought up memories of horrible things that she had witnessed that were also yellow. At the end (SPOILER ALERT!) she began to believe that she saw a woman trapped within the confines of the flowers that decorated the wallpaper. Eventually, in a fit of hysteria, her husband found her clawing at the paper to free the woman, whom she then identified with (“I’m free!”), and crawling on the floor.
Within the 120 year span the story still seems very relevant to women today. With ever growing technology some people seem to favor hi-tech interactions and submit themselves to self-imposed isolation. Then, with the prevalence of reality television it makes me wonder what women are seeing when they are looking at their own technicolor wallpaper.
Now, I’m not going to lie, I find some reality television very interesting, and at the heart of it it is the feuds that keep me watching. However, at what point of time does it start getting old?
Piggy backing off what Wendy Williams said on her show on February 20th, the physical brawls, especially between women in their 30s and 40s is starting to get a little embarrassing. But honestly, I begin to feel the most embarrassed when I’m out and see two girls get into an argument. Right before it turns to fisticuffs, you hear them spout out something that a reality star said before her fight on television.
It’s as if these women, after finally being released from the entrapment of their living rooms, begin to see themselves as the women in these shows, or see it as an acceptable way of behavior. However, in reality TV, their situations are being manipulated and not indicative of how society actually works. First, [some of]these reality show participants are being shut away from the world to help create the tension that brings in the viewers. Then, when they do fight, most of the time their ultimate punishment is being “kicked out of the house.”
To the women who try to emulate their behavior, you’re not being shut away. You have means to cool down and to get away from what’s frustrating you. Finally, if you get into a fight, there’s a good chance that you will get arrested. The rules of reality television don’t apply to the real world, and it honestly confuses me when I see women (if you’re 18+, I’m talking about you, Honey) who are so amped to brag about their future fighting exploits and the tips that they picked up from watching reality television.
If you want to watch it, that’s fine, get your entertainment where you can; however, once you begin to want to free that angry woman from the television that you feel is growing inside of you, please, turn the wallpaper off.
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From Necole Bitchie
Looks like the Beef between Drake and Common is 100% squashed.
The two were spotted courtside at the NBA All Star game tonight smiling and dapping each other up while talking about who knows what. Meanwhile, NBA reporter Alex Kennedy tweeted, ‘Drake and Common are both courtside at the All-Star game. Maybe we’ll see a fist fight after the game’. Not happening…
Find out how and why they resolved it at Necole Bitchie.com.
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Whether you’ve seen the movie or you witnessed and experienced the “mean girl” types in your own high school, chances are you know a girl who took pleasure in being a living terror in the lives of others. But don’t get it twisted, if not checked the mean girl attitude and lifestyle can stick with one long after high school is over. Not sure if you fall into the dreaded mean girl category? Well check this short list…
When Ginuwine dropped his debut album The Bachelor in 1996, women lost their minds and their drawers, which the artist claims he kept. Who could forget his provocative single “Pony” and the video that featured the 6’2 crooner winding, grinding and sliding across the stage. Whew, yes! Good times those were. But believe it or not, that was fifteen years ago. And although Ginuwine is still singing (he released his seventh album, Elgin, his real name, a few weeks ago), he’s no longer a bachelor. He’s married and raising his kids. Madame Noire recently caught up with the R&B star to discuss his upcoming role in the gospel play “The Ideal Husband,” and how getting older has changed him.
In today’s fast-paced world, many individuals are so consumed by the busy-ness of life that they forget to take time to empower themselves, as well as others in their everyday microcosm. Empowerment is a very robust term, but I think that most would agree that it is a process whereby one spiritually, socially, politically and/or economically strengthens oneself, as well as other individuals without expecting anything in return.