Shutterstock

I spent a good chunk of my undergrad years trying to keep up appearances with my girlfriends. We would take our tiny work study checks and hit the malls for a higher pair of heels, a sexier club outfit, one more lip color to add to our collections. We would go all out for college parties and save our bus fare and head to the city to go clubbing like we had money to burn.

I thought THAT was having fun. And don’t misunderstand, I did enjoy it. But after a few months – those bottle poppin’ nights out started to run together. Monotony now had a tangible definition. The same old thing with the same old people at the same old time in the same old places. I had nothing new to look forward to.

I was keeping myself confined to one kind of experience. My world was enclosed to materialism as its highlight. There was no room for anything bigger than that. I couldn’t see beyond what I believed to be a good time. With every little bit of money I got, I was financing myself into a materialistic rut. With every new bag and every new pair of shoes I kept thinking, “There has GOT to be more than this.”

In October of 2008 I rode a plane for the first time to a student affairs conference in Dallas, Texas. The moment we ascended completely above the clouds was the moment I knew things would never be the same for me. I had tasted flight! I had finally gotten out of the East Coast at 22 years old. I had met others from all over the world. This was the ‘more to life’ that I had been craving and I wanted more of it. I started looking for any and every opportunity to travel, to meet new people, to experience new places and things.

My money wasn’t going toward shoes and lipsticks anymore. I was working to finance my involvement in charity events, trips all over the country, Broadway shows, live music festivals – anything, everything that would give me another perspective, a deeper appreciation, an unforgettable memory.

When we limit our experiences to the same old thing we deny ourselves the joy and wonder of the unknown. I have spent what most would consider an obscene amount of money on the arts, travel, charity work, etc. investing in experiences that will last me a lifetime. There was only so much of a new experience I could have at a party or taking pictures with my girls in our new ‘fits at the club. But helping to build a home for a mother of four? Experiencing The Phantom of The Opera live? Traveling the peaceful mountains and countryside of Pennsylvania by myself? Completing an obstacle course in the air? Running a 5K for cancer research? Singing with a slammin’ jazz band at one of the hottest spots in DC?

Life changed the day I decided to look beyond THINGS and invest in experiences. There is a whole world outside of “Red Bottoms,” iPhones, and Cliquot. How much more of a well-rounded, self-aware and cultured community might we become if we search for opportunities to experience something new? I don’t think we’ll have as many regrets. We won’t look back and wonder “What if?” as much. We’ll have worlds beyond games and iPads to share with our children. Every experience counts. And while shoes and bags are great, long-lasting memories and lessons learned are so much better. You won’t regret it. I know I don’t.

La Truly writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Follow her on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly and AboutMe: www.about.me/latruly

theglobenewspaper.blogspot.com

Some women have dreamed of being married since the age of baby dolls and pigtails, so once they begin dating, every guy becomes a potential Prince Charming. As romantic as the notion of marriage may be, most people don’t stop to think if they are actually “marriage material.” Many think that simply because you fall in love and date for a year or two, marriage is the natural next step – but it’s not for everyone. If you DO decide that marriage is in your future, make sure you’re honest with yourself about what you bring to the table. After all, you can’t attract a man who possesses the traits of a good husband if you don’t display those traits yourself (and of course the same applies to men). If you’re unsure, these signs may indicate that you may not make a good wife – and have some work to do on yourself before you walk the aisle.

Read the rest of this entry »

Materialism is not a defining factor of a successful relationship. In fact, couples who care about possessions have unhappier marriages than those who are unmaterialistic, according to new research.

The problem just doesn’t affect the rich who are trying to keep up with the Joneses, or the poor who can’t afford much in the first place. The effect is seen in couples across all income levels. And when both partners are materialistic, watch out.

“We thought it would be the incongruent or unmatched pattern that would be most problematic, where one’s a spender and one’s a saver,” researcher Jason Carroll told LiveScience. “Our study found that it’s the couples where both spouses have high levels of materialism that struggle the most.”

Carroll added that perhaps these relationships struggle so much because materialism isn’t particularly great for anybody. People who love possessions are typically more anxious, depressed, and insecure than non-materialistic types. A strong love of money has also been linked to trouble at home.

Of the 1,734 married couples studied, 14 percent were matches between two non-materialists. In about 11 percent of marriages, the wife was highly materialistic and the husband was not; another 14 percent were reversed. Twenty percent of couples were made up of two materialists with the rest of the couples falling in the middle. Marriages with at least one materialistic spouse were worse off on in terms of marital satisfaction, conflict patterns, marital communication, marriage stability and other factors than marriages where neither spouse was materialistic. Non-materialistic couples were about 10 to 15 percent better off in these categories.

Carroll suggests these couples are unhappy because materialism causes spouses to make bad financial decisions and spend beyond their means which leads to debt and stress.

Materialistic people also spend less time nurturing their relationships with people because they are more concerned with things.

So what’s a materialistic couple to do? “I think it’s about people stepping back and taking an inventory of their values and what really is important to them,” Carroll said. “Are we allowing some of our materialistic ambitions to get in the way of things that really, at the core, matter a lot to us?”

Has materialism ever gotten in the way of any of your relationships? Are you the materialistic one in your relationship or is it your spouse, or are you both stuck on things?

One of my favorite television shows is the Real Housewives series. Which season? Doesn’t matter. Pick one.  What’s not to love about a drama filled show that follows middle aged women and their husbands, and their habit of spending thousands of dollars on clothing, birthday parties for their kids and gaudy furniture for their McMansions.

However, a quick Google search shatters whatever illusion we have about the lifestyles these women portray on television. The reality off the small screen is that many of the women are damn near broke; they are in foreclosure, having vehicles repossessed and facing thousands in IRS tax liens.  Yet for me, the show provides valuable insight into our society’s values and aspirations.

It’s generally believed that poor people spend their money on material possessions while wealthy people spend their money on assets. But this idea goes far beyond the ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ syndrome of the past since some of the biggest spenders appear to be the Joneses themselves.  What else could explain purchasing a $60,000 Swarovski crystal bottle of nail polish, an $8 million dollar Maybach and a $2,600 bottle of water? Yeah you heard me.

Why would a bottle of water be sold for $2,600 might you ask? Well, because it’s covered in Swarovski crystal. Interestingly, Kevin Boyd, the owner of the bottled water company called Bling H2O, admits that the water is no different than the water sold at the Cracker Barrel for $2.50. But according to Boyd, he is selling more than just water—he is selling a lifestyle.

Boyd isn’t the only one capitalizing off our thirst for the good life. The Discover Channel will soon launch Velocity, a cable television channel aimed at an often overlooked demographic: wealthy men. I’m not trying to knock the hustle of Boyd, Discover Channel or any other purveyor of “the lifestyle.” However, there is a sort of melancholy feeling among people these days who find themselves transfixed by shiny, expensive stuff. It’s a fascinating phenomenon if you stop and think about it—people buying stuff they can’t afford with money they don’t have just to impress people they probably don’t like. This is one of the reasons why foreclosure rates are high and credit card debt has increased ten-fold.

Part of the appeal is the whole concept of exclusivity, which is a clever marketing device to persuade folks that somehow their purchases will make them unique and different from others in their social standing. Being human means that we are not perfectly rational nor sensible at all times. Many of our purchasing habits are influenced by a whole host of emotional reasons such as self-esteem and self-image.

To fully understand this, you might want to consider Abraham’s Maslow hierarchy of needs, a psychological theory that was created in 1943 to describe the behavioral models of motivation as a means of satisfying human desires. Maslow believed that there were five types of desires that need to be fulfilled if every human were to feel whole: physiological, safety, love and belonging, self-esteem and self-actualization.

by R. Asmerom

And I could blame my environment but /there ain’t no reason why I be buyin expensive chains - -Jay-Z , “public service announcement”

Is it in a Black man’s soul to rock that gold? Is the attraction to the flashy and shiny coded in our genes? Are we wired to appreciate and covet the precious metals that lie in abundance all over the homeland? It may seem a peculiar thing to question – who doesn’t love jewelry after all? – but the unique role of this spectacular show of adornment in Black culture is quite extraordinary.

Nevertheless, the relationship between bling and Black expression is not generally understood as something deeper than just a case of conspicuous consumption. Grillz, over-sized platinum chains, and diamond earrings evoke images of rappers showing off in grand fashion in music videos,  defining and selling the idea of urban cool to the rest of the world. Ostentatious swagger, some may call it. And many critics, Black critics included, would demean it as a foolish display of wealth. As over the top as it is, the need to flash, is not something that was born in the ghettos of America.

As MC Schooly D put it, wearing gold “goes back to Africa.” Historians would agree, there is a connection, albeit underlying, between how African-Americans dress and the habits and customs of African ancestry.

“The sharper the dress,  the flashier the gold the more you are taking care of yourself and putting yourself ideally in proximity to important people and even to the divine,” said Robert Ferris Thompson, a renowned professor of African and African American Art who has dedicated his professional life to exploring the art history of the Afro-Atlantic world. “When the Portuguese first landed in Ghana the local chiefs with their gold and early versions of kente outdressed the greys.  Score:  Ghana 7, visitors 2.”

The source of this flashiness has been a gift and a curse. The continent’s cornucopia of gold, diamonds and other minerals are what determined the course of history when it came to the African continent and the explorers who would become its chief exploiters. The West African region got the name “Gold Coast” for obvious reasons.

“Certain areas of West Africa have been known historically for gold mining, which was an enormously important component in some of the most sophisticated and complex commerce networks the world has ever known, networks that included huge portions of West Africa and extended across the Sahara,” said Patrick McNaughton, an art historian and professor at Indiana University. “Accounts of two famous and very large empires—Ghana and Mali—indicate that finely worked gold ornamentation played a large role at court.  The same is true for contemporary leaders in Akan culture groups, within the nation of Ghana.”

by R. Asmerom

And I could blame my environment but /there ain’t no reason why I be buyin expensive chains - -Jay-Z , “public service announcement”

Is it in a Black man’s soul to rock that gold? Is the attraction to the flashy and shiny coded in our genes? Are we wired to appreciate and covet the precious metals that lie in abundance all over the homeland? It may seem a peculiar thing to question – who doesn’t love jewelry after all? – but the unique role of this spectacular show of adornment in Black culture is quite extraordinary.

Nevertheless, the relationship between bling and Black expression is not generally understood as something deeper than just a case of conspicuous consumption. Grillz, over-sized platinum chains, and diamond earrings evoke images of rappers showing off in grand fashion in music videos,  defining and selling the idea of urban cool to the rest of the world. Ostentatious swagger, some may call it. And many critics, Black critics included, would demean it as a foolish display of wealth. As over the top as it is, the need to flash, is not something that was born in the ghettos of America.

As MC Schooly D put it, wearing gold “goes back to Africa.” Historians would agree, there is a connection, albeit underlying, between how African-Americans dress and the habits and customs of African ancestry.

“The sharper the dress,  the flashier the gold the more you are taking care of yourself and putting yourself ideally in proximity to important people and even to the divine,” said Robert Ferris Thompson, a renowned professor of African and African American Art who has dedicated his professional life to exploring the art history of the Afro-Atlantic world. “When the Portuguese first landed in Ghana the local chiefs with their gold and early versions of kente outdressed the greys.  Score:  Ghana 7, visitors 2.”

The source of this flashiness has been a gift and a curse. The continent’s cornucopia of gold, diamonds and other minerals are what determined the course of history when it came to the African continent and the explorers who would become its chief exploiters. The West African region got the name “Gold Coast” for obvious reasons.

“Certain areas of West Africa have been known historically for gold mining, which was an enormously important component in some of the most sophisticated and complex commerce networks the world has ever known, networks that included huge portions of West Africa and extended across the Sahara,” said Patrick McNaughton, an art historian and professor at Indiana University. “Accounts of two famous and very large empires—Ghana and Mali—indicate that finely worked gold ornamentation played a large role at court.  The same is true for contemporary leaders in Akan culture groups, within the nation of Ghana.”